/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.16630574]

>Waitress asks if your meal is ok
>mouth is full

[Anonymous No.16630581]

>hit him with this face
>establish yourself as the alpha, can now get away with only paying 27% tip
next time keep your mouth shut wagie

[Anonymous No.16630585]

>>16630574
>take one dollar bill away from the five laid out on the table for the waitress to see

[Anonymous No.16630587]

>waitress checks on me and my friend like every 10 minutes while we eat
>gets noticeably awkward
I guess she assumed since we were both gross nerd looking guys, her charm would make us tip but we tipped anyway cause we felt bad for her having to be so desperate

[Anonymous No.16630600]

>>16630574
>go to depressingly empty chinese restaurant
>only business for the night
>mexican waiting staff watches us the entire time at the command of the owners, instantly refills drinks when 3/4ths of the way full, and asks if we need anything every five minutes.

[Anonymous No.16630602]

>>16630574
nod and give a thumbs up, it's not that hard

[Anonymous No.16630604]

>>16630574
nothing more than a thumbs up and nod is needed, she'll get the picture. give her a smile too

[Anonymous No.16630803]

>>16630585
do boomers really do this? imagine being that low inhib

[Anonymous No.16630932]

>>16630574
>mumble incoherently
>gesticulate wildly
>cram even more food into my mouth
>ignore any further attempts by the waitperson to communicate
>no tip

[Anonymous No.16630940]

Say no and then puke all over the table

[Anonymous No.16630952]

>>16630574
explain my current state of affairs very boisterously while food from my mouth flies into their mouth.
it will be a soul bounding experience and the waitress will want to have sex with me.

[Anonymous No.16630975]

>>16630600
i had this exact experience last week, they also gave us a punch of freebies

[Anonymous No.16631569]

>>16630574
>spit the partially chewed food on the plate
>"Yeah, thanks"
>mix it with the beverage so that it's easier to swallow
>put the paste back in your mouth
You're an awkward fellow, anon

[Anonymous No.16631580]

>*thumbs up*

[Anonymous No.16631807]

>waiter grabs my half-finished drink and refills it without asking
don't fucking do that
don't fucking do that

[Anonymous No.16631869]

>>16631807
>waiter does this
>refills aren't free

[Anonymous No.16631881]

>>16631807
The cafe at my work employs an older female retard with two inch thick glasses who yells "hi, bud!" every single time she sees me. This can be 5+ times during my break as she wanders around the cafe. She will also sometimes start wiping down my table while I'm still sitting there, and will try to throw my drink bottle away for me when it's still half full.

[Anonymous No.16632358]

>>16630803
It's somewhat based. I bet they get at-worst average treatment from waitresses.

[Anonymous No.16632535]

>>16630574
>Give thumbs up
>Hold up glass to signal for more beer.
>Nod when she asks for confirmation

[Anonymous No.16632568]

>>16630574
I give a thumbs-up if I'm enjoying things.

[Anonymous No.16632573]

>>16630803
Its from an episode of Third Rock from the Sun

[Anonymous No.16632586]

>>16630574
I usually just hold firmly onto the sides of my seat and use my legs to launch myself backwards at a 45 degree angle headfirst into another group of diners whilst making an extremely high pitched shrieking noise.

[Anonymous No.16632603]

>>16630574
They do this because it counts as server engagement but since you cannot reply and want the awkwardness over they can immediately scoot along and away.
It's an age-old server speedrunning trick and I mentally dock from my tip whenever one tries it with me. I also very, very slowly finish chewing and swallowing my food while staring at them before engaging back, draining as much time as I can before it seems too obvious what I'm doing.

[Anonymous No.16632915]

>>16632586
Kevin?

[Anonymous No.16632930]

>>16630574
It's the same reason dentists like to asks you questions when they're poking around in your piehole. They like fucking with your bitch-ass

[Anonymous No.16633259]

I tipped once in my life because I spaghettied and got a 2€ coin falling from my pocket while reaching for my wallet.
I regret it now.
Could have used tose 2€ to buy a lottery ticket or bitcoins in 2008.

[Elite No.16633683]

Nod

[Anonymous No.16633771]

>I'll have a cola, no ice please
>Death stare

[Anonymous No.16633796]

>visit Hungary/Budapest
>third world as shit as far as I know
>eat out 4 times a day
>tip every time 10-15%
>find out on 6th day tips are already included in the bill
>been doubletipping for 25 meals
>applaud myself back to my own country

[Anonymous No.16633820]

>>1663377
>ask for water to drink
>get 75% ice 25% water
>drink it fast, only ice left
>ask for more water
>they bring out the pitcher with ice
>overfill my glass with ice
I HATE ICE I HATE ICE I HATE ICE I HATE ICE I HATE ICE

[Anonymous No.16633838]

>>16633820
scoop it out autismo

[Anonymous No.16633840]

>>16633838
Where the fuck do I put it?

[Anonymous No.16633844]

>>16633840
Cram it up your ass

[Anonymous No.16633852]

>>16633844
Ah, thank you Anon.

[Anonymous No.16633866]

>>16630574
>waitress asks if my meal is ok
>what the fuck are they doing in my house

[Anonymous No.16634007]

>>16630581
kek

[Anonymous No.16634314]

>>16631580
This. Even if there's something wrong with it. If they make a mistake I just don't come back.

[Anonymous No.16634321]

>>16633840
On the floor under your table.

[Anonymous No.16634913]

>>16630574
>ask my wife if she likes sucking that big thing
>her mouth is full
>feel stupid, go soft

;_;

[Anonymous No.16634923]

>>16630574
>waitress ask you if you need everything every 5 fucking seconds
HOW ABOUT YOU STAY THERE AND FUCKING WAIT FOR ME TO CALL YOU IF A I NEED ANYTHING . ITS CALLED A WAITER FOR A FUCKING REASON FUCK
LET ME CHEW MY FUCKING DISGUSTING FROZEN OVERPRICED FOOD YOU BIITCH
love from Kazahstan

[Anonymous No.16634942]

>>16630587
Next time just hold hands when she's watching and she'll leave you alone.

[Anonymous No.16634986]

>>16630574
Close your mouth and mumble "Mhm!" while nodding your head. Effect will be the same fren

[Anonymous No.16635001]

One thumb up and a nod
Ez

[Anonymous No.16635017]

this is why i go to chinese malls to get my food, no nonsense experience.
>WHAT U WANT
>number 5 and hong kong milk tea
>OK 10 DOLLA THAT GONNA BE 10 MINUTE
>proceed to eat food in peace by some old men playing mahjong

[Anonymous No.16635023]

>>16631881
i think she likes you

[Anonymous No.16635078]

>*mmhmm*

[Anonymous No.16635661]

>*pull out pen from pocket*
>write "yes" in the napkin
>give a thumbs up

[Anonymous No.16635697]

Whenever something like this happens I just scream and hit my head repeatedly sometimes I get a free meal
It helps if you're autistic and actually can't help doing it when you're stressed sometimes (like me)

[Anonymous No.16635706]

>>16630574
do you even nod?

[Anonymous No.16635777]

>>16635023
Nah she is just one of those weird aggressive retards. She does the annoying, way too loud greeting thing to everyone.

[Anonymous No.16635802]

>>16633771
>stare back

[Anonymous No.16635809]

>>16630600
>depressingly empty chinese restaurant
nice, i hope these chinamens businesses continue to suffer

[Anonymous No.16635825]

just unzip your dick and start jerkin thatll learnem good AYY BITCH I GOT A MOUTHFUL FOR YA RIGHT HYERE

[Anonymous No.16635838]

if you're eating out of town at a place you'll likely never return to, you should 100% say the food is shit for some reason. almost a guarantee price reduction or a free drink at the minimum.

[Anonymous No.16635916]

>>16630574
>nod
>put hand over mouth, swallow
>take a sip of water
>"so far, so good"

[Anonymous No.16635948]

>>16630574
And they always come several times when you are eating your meal, but as soon as you finish and wait for them to clear the plates and offer the dessert menu, they are nowhere to be seen! So fucking annoying.

[Anonymous No.16636003]

>>16630574
It's soooo gooood!

[Anonymous No.16636096]

>Waitress says 'sorry about the wait'
>Reply 'It's ok, I'm sure you'll lose it'

[Anonymous No.16636104]

>>16630574
I'm actually 100% convinced they do this on purpose so they can just get a nod or thumbs up and not have to risk starting a discussion.

[Anonymous No.16636106]

>>16636096

[Anonymous No.16636108]

>>16630940
Based

[Anonymous No.16636111]

>>16635916
Anon, she already walked away in a hurry the second you nodded. You're speaking to thin air.

[Anonymous No.16636113]

>>16632535
t. Chad

[Anonymous No.16636119]

>>16636096
Nothing wrong a big ol woman anon

[Anonymous No.16636124]

>>16636096

[Anonymous No.16636125]

>>16630574
Just nod

[Anonymous No.16636157]

>>16630952
>into their mouth.
lol

[Anonymous No.16636167]

>mfw with a kid at a club in the back room and I hear some guy yell where's Jeannette!

[Anonymous No.16636209]

>>16630574
I just make a "uh huh" sound and continue shoveling down food as if I were a caveman.
No utensil, just shovel hands

[Anonymous No.16636211]

>>16630574
>do the OK sign
>they call the police.

[Anonymous No.16636880]

>>16632603
>>16632930
>>16636104
You guys are retards this is one of the most basic aspects of hospitality, solving problems before they arise. If your meal is shit and they don't find out till afterwards, that solves nothing and you won't come back. If they can solve the problem as it arises (fix your meal, knock some money off, get you something else) there's more chance you'll come back there's nothing insidious about it you schizos it's called a good waiter

[Anonymous No.16636902]

>>16634314
This. Anyone who thinks bitching will do anything but get your food spit in is a dumb boomer.
>>16633820
just ask for water with no ice anon.

[Anonymous No.16636905]

>Maybe If I nag the fuck out of these people they'll tip me more
Why do they always think like this?

[Anonymous No.16636914]

>>16636905
Most places literally force them to check on tables like that or they'll get fired.

[Anonymous No.16636942]

>>16634942
gonna use this

[Anonymous No.16636955]

>waitress asks me if I would like a blowjob
>her mouth is full

[Anonymous No.16637523]

>>16633838
tell them its too cold and ask them to put in the microwave. bam ice melted

[Anonymous No.16637545]

>>16630574
You look deeply into her eyes, smile with your eyes, blink and give a little nod.

[Anonymous No.16637551]

>>16631807
>waiter grabs my half-limp penis and gently erect it for me without asking

[Anonymous No.16637559]

>>16637545
And then she blows her rapewhistle
You get sent to jail to be raped by Ja'quarius and Da'ruckius, your wife leaves you and rapes you in divorce court and when she remarries the new husband rapes your kids

[Anonymous No.16637738]

>>16631881
Hi, bud!

[Anonymous No.16637742]

>>16637551
hate when that happens

[Anonymous No.16637767]

>>16631807
>Rodenbach almost finished but still a decent sip inside
>waiter grabs it (fingers in glass) and takes it inside faster than you can say "what"
Same guy also asked "Natur?" when I ordered it because apparently they put fucking syrup in it over there.
Fucking Walloons.

[Anonymous No.16637772]

>>16633796
your gf sounds lucky

[Anonymous No.16637813]

>>16636880
>food comes out
>put literal first bite in my mouth
>"HOW'S EVERYTHING TASTING???"
How should I fucking know? I barely tasted what I just put in my mouth.
>politely give thumbs up and smile because the first bite didn't make me vomit instantly
>eat a couple more bites
>discover something wrong with the food
>start actively looking around for the waitress
>she's nowhere to be found for the next half hour
Every fucking time.

[Anonymous No.16637830]

>>16637559
Woah buddy, lot to unpack here. You mention rape a lot, can we explore this a bit?

[Anonymous No.16637851]

>waiter asks "come for table"?

[Anonymous No.16637883]

>>16637830
i just like rape!!

[Anonymous No.16637934]

>>16630932

[Anonymous No.16639149]

>>16630574
>receive food at restaurant
>start eating
>shove a huge amount of food into my mouth
>hot waitress comes to my table and asks if everything is in order
>chewing as if life was depending on it
>feels like the time has come to a stop
>she's awaiting an answer
>desperately grab my drink to help the chewing
>chewing loosens up
>swallow
>accidentally get some into my airways because I was breathing hard
>start coughing violently as tears forms in my eyes

[Anonymous No.16639271]

>>16639149
>not just forcing "Yes, mommy" out of your mouth as chewed food shoots out violently all over your table
ngmi

[Anonymous No.16639691]

>>16630574
>order vodka soda
>another
>another
>racks up to 30
>can still feel my legs
WELL I BEEN GOIN DOWN THE ROAD TRYNA LOOSEN MY LOAD ALCOHOL OUT IS SURE A RIP!!!

[Anonymous No.16640043]

>>16633259
You would hace bought a soda and candy or some dum shit don't kid yourself

[Anonymous No.16640061]

>>16630574

>Put hand up to cover mouth
>nod and go *mmhmm*

[Anonymous No.16640071]

>>16637523
I honestly want to try this to see the reaction

[Anonymous No.16640429]

>>16637742
It's always the men too

[Anonymous No.16640560]

>>16630574
....so you fucking nod and/or give a thumbs up while still visibly chewing.

autism must be airbourne at this point.

[Anonymous No.16641827]

>>16630574
just talk while you eat retard

[Anonymous No.16641919]

>>16636096
you fucker LOL

[Anonymous No.16641922]

>waitress asks if meal is ok
>clearly there is because I'm not eating it but I don't want to say anything
>bill comes later
>she took the food off the check anyways

[Anonymous No.16642294]

>>16630574
>eat the entire meal forcing her to wait then saying no

[Anonymous No.16642883]

>>16634913
>bull starts laughing
>wife cums
Every FUCKING time

[Anonymous No.16642910]

>>16630574
Just make her know your mouth is full and maybe next time she will not ask that question when someone's mouth is full. Make her feel shame.

[Anonymous No.16642932]

>>16630574
i have to eat alone at restaurants for work a lot in different places and I mostly just pretend i'm deaf to avoid this and talking to people in general
tap my ear a couple times and deaftalk 'deaf' and then i can just point at menu items and be left alone

[Anonymous No.16643100]

>>16630581
sensible cackle