/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.16535712]

Fuck scones. Years ago some British idiot mixed up their biscuits with the recipe for SAND and somehow convinced the world that they'd invented a posh concrete flavored treat. Have you ever looked at a pile of bricks and thought "Mmm, I'll take one of those with jam please"? Try a scone! Want to know what the Great Depression tasted like? Eat a scone!! Ever wonder what it would feel like to be buried alive? Choke down on a scone!!! Scones are so terrible that if you managed to make one that was in any way good, flaky, fluffy, or delicious, it would at that point cease to be a scone and become a biscuit. They are by definition stiff, desiccated, pastry corpses devoid of all joy or flavor. The words "Ooh" and "scones" have never been paired together. And if you're sitting there thinking,
>"But OP, I happen to like scones, my grandma makes very tasty ones."
Well screw you and your wannabe Mary Berry granny. You should be sconed to death. Yes, SCONED to death. That's where the rest of normal society gathers together in the spirit of righteous indignation to pelt you with scones which you must eat after they strike your body until you die from bludgeoning or dehydration.

[Anonymous No.16535725]

>>16535712
wtf I hate scones now

[Anonymous No.16535728]

>>16535712
Agreed
I've had scones from 4 star hotels and they're still the same
Even a fucking generic store-brand premade dough biscuit is better than a authentic bri'ish scon'

[Anonymous No.16535731]

limeys btfo

[Anonymous No.16535733]

okay but have you tried putting some clotted cream and jam on a scone?

[Anonymous No.16535734]

>>16535712
US biscuits are more dry and dense than scones though.

[Anonymous No.16535762]

The only thing that's wrong with scones are the fucking cunts who put jam ONTOP of the cream. They need to be sconned to death. Also a nothing other than strawberry = exile

[Anonymous No.16535765]

>>16535762
Strawberry jam has no use that raspberry jam doesn't do better, but mulberry is best for scones anyway.

[Anonymous No.16535783]

>cry about scones
>while literally eating scones with white sauce for breakfast
Americans.

[Anonymous No.16535792]

>>16535783
scone yourself my man

[Anonymous No.16535805]

>>16535712
>>16535762
>>16535792
In Australia we actually have a schoolyard game called scones where you run around with a tennis ball and throw it at people as hard as you can. It's the mobile version of brandings, which is basically the same except the targets have to stand against the wall at a distance.

[Anonymous No.16535884]

>>16535805
Based Aussie

[Anonymous No.16535958]

>>16535765
rosella jam and fruits of the forest jam both get a pass as well, but i agree.

[Anonymous No.16535960]

>>16535805
faggot southerner detected
got the names of both of those games wrong.
"scones" as you call it is actually called "Dead Duck" and "Brandings" is you mishearing "Brandy" aka: Tag w/ tennis balls.

[Anonymous No.16535984]

>>16535960
So go post about it in a duck thread, this is a scone thread.

[Anonymous No.16536001]

Scones are triangular pieces of a larger round called a bannock. Biscuits are in OP's pic..

[Anonymous No.16536590]

>>16535805

[Anonymous No.16536597]

>>16535734
Precisely. I like them both. I love biscuits with honey and scones with jam and clotted cream. I’ll bet OP has never had a good home made scone with jam and clotted cream. Poor bastard.

[Anonymous No.16536630]

>>16535783
what the FECK is that??

[Anonymous No.16536631]

I typically don't eat biscuits but I love the taste and texture of McDonald's biscuits. I have nothing to add to this conversation it was much more of a confession.

[Anonymous No.16536641]

>>16536630
biscuits with bechamel and breakfast sausage. it's pretty good.

[Anonymous No.16536681]

>>16536641
That's gravy you retard

[Anonymous No.16536689]

>>16536681
i know what it is, but most of the time euros are confused by it because they only know gravy as brown gravy. it's not inaccurate to say it's bechamel with breakfast sausage and pepper though, it's the same thing with a different name.

[Anonymous No.16536775]

OP has obvioly never actually eaten a scone.
They're soft, with a crumbly interior, and are usually flavoured with a hint of vanilla.
Your ancestors should have just drank the fucking tea.

[Anonymous No.16536937]

>>16535805
In the states we had a game called wall ball that was pretty similar. Kids throwing a tennis or racket ball (racket was the best) at the wall and catching it. If a kid tried to catch it but failed via a fumble they had to sprint to the wall to touch it before another kid grabbed the ball and threw it at the wall. If the fumbler failed to make it before the ball hit the wall, he would be forced to stand against the wall while the thrower would get to peg the shit out of him. We added rules though, like if the thrower missed the peg, he would then have to stand at the wall and get pegged, so if you chose to peg with power over accuracy, it might cost you.

[Anonymous No.16537189]

>>16536937
Wall ball was so fucking fun man, I wish I was a kid again.

[Anonymous No.16537217]

>>16535712
Cope

[Anonymous No.16537400]

>>16535762
You put the cream on first and then the jam, you philistine. I bet you're the kind of degenerate to put the meat and cheese on your sandwich first and butter the fillings instead of the bread.

[Anonymous No.16537410]

>>16535712
Anyone who seethes and says they're dry are utter sconelets

[Anonymous No.16537572]

>>16536641
>>16536689
so is it gravy or bechamel?

[Anonymous No.16537574]

>>16535712
anglos on suicide watch

[Anonymous No.16537595]

>>16535712

I'm from the southwest of England, and scones are still trash, and they serve them everywhere here. Crumpets are the superior teatime bread product.

[Anonymous No.16537619]

>>16535783
American biscuits are nothing like scones. American biscuits are fluffy, warm, and moist while scones are dry and gritty. If you think American biscuits are anything like scones then you've never been to America and eaten a biscuit here.

[Anonymous No.16537629]

>>16537572
Americans call it gravy (the dish is literally called "biscuits and gravy"), most of the world better recognizes it as bechamel with breakfast sausage in it.

[Anonymous No.16537638]

>>16535712
French squad wrote this.
Anyway i agree. Some english pastries are utter shit people eat because of “traditions”

[Anonymous No.16537643]

>>16537629
>hmm today I will make American style buttermilk biscuits with a bechamel sauce that includes breakfast sausage
Do Americans really? No because they aren't autistic retards.

[Anonymous No.16537647]

>>16537619
They're dry, just deal with it bro

[Anonymous No.16537653]

>>16537619
And you've obviously never eaten a scone that didn't come out of a freezer, so......................

[Anonymous No.16537663]

>>16537647
Would you rather be sconed or biscuited to death?

[Anonymous No.16537674]

>>16537189
Yeah that game was the shit. I remember playing it with all the kids that got dropped off super early at school.

[Anonymous No.16537678]

>>16537643
That's why we call it biscuits and gravy, retard. Learn to read. We would call it "biscuit gravy" or "white gravy" or "sausage gravy.' It's just that if you say "biscuits and gravy" to someone outside the US they'll think you're talking about a cookie covered in thin brown gravy.

[Anonymous No.16537681]

>>16537653
Even frozen American biscuits are fluffy and soft, so what the fuck is your point?

[Anonymous No.16537692]

>>16537619
>scones are dry and gritty

I wonder what the fuck the yanks have done with them. Probably filled them full of MSG, HFCS and other monstrosities.

[Anonymous No.16537693]

>>16537619
They're literally the same recipe.

[Anonymous No.16537699]

>>16537678
>It's just that if you say "biscuits and gravy" to someone outside the US they'll think you're talking about a cookie covered in thin brown gravy.
Nobody is this fucking retarded in real life. Stop thinking attentionwhores on twitter represent "normal people".

[Anonymous No.16537723]

>>16537692
I don't know, I just know they're only available at coffee shops and they're dry and intended to be dipped in coffee like biscotti. Nothing like biscuits.

>>16537699
These are the types of confusions that happen on a daily basis right here on /ck/.

[Anonymous No.16537738]

>>16537723
Are you seriously implying that /ck/ is anywhere closer to a representation of "normal people"? If anything, people here have a reputation for being horrible pedantic and disingenuous shitposters.

[Anonymous No.16537745]

>>16535712
Learn to bake. Scones are delicious.

[Anonymous No.16537754]

>>16537723
>they're only available at coffee shops and they're dry and intended to be dipped in coffee like biscotti
what the fuck

[Anonymous No.16537762]

>>16537723
>they're dry and intended to be dipped in coffee like biscotti

wtf man? You ned to post a picture of one of these things. That is not a fucking scone lmfao

[Anonymous No.16537763]

>>16535712
10/10 hatepasta.

Put me in the fucking screencap and remember to ZOOM those words!

[Anonymous No.16537765]

>>16537738
We're on /ck/.
A particular type of misunderstanding is common on /ck/.
A post on /ck/ is worded/explained so as to avoid this common confusion which occurs on /ck/.
You come in and start bitching about what people do in real life and how /ck/ doesn't represent real life.
What does that have to do with communicating on /ck/?

[Anonymous No.16537777]

>>16537754
>>16537762
As an American, pic related are what every scone I've ever seen look like. They're dry and crumbly.

[Anonymous No.16537787]

>>16537765
I'm trying to say that nobody in this thread or on this board is actually retarded enough to genuinely think "biscuits and gravy" means "cookies and sauce brun" unless they're fucking twelve years old. What I'm saying is that what he said:
>It's just that if you say "biscuits and gravy" to someone outside the US they'll think you're talking about a cookie covered in thin brown gravy.
Is a fucking hilariously inaccurate and retarded assumption. Nobody is that stupid, and you can't convince me anyone on this board who would insist on saying shit like that isn't just pretending to be retarded. I live in fucking Poland and I still know what "biscuits and gravy" refers to.

It's not a common misunderstanding. It's people forcing a shit meme.

[Anonymous No.16537789]

>>16537777
Checked, and looks like a slightly overcooked rock cake with maybe too much sugar? They will get dry of you're not eating them on the day you've made them, which might explain it?

[Anonymous No.16537790]

>>16536689
Gravy doesn't contain milk or cream. Gravy is made with the juices from roasted meat.

[Anonymous No.16537792]

>>16535712
Fucking based

[Anonymous No.16537801]

>>16537789
you can tell there is too much sugar by looking? gtfo liar

[Anonymous No.16537802]

>>16537787
>Be American, use American term for something.
>people get mad at you for being an ignorant American who doesn't use proper international terms
>Be American, understand American terms are different, try to bridge the gap by being more sensitive and explaining things in more international-friendly terms
>people get mad at you for being an ignorant American who falls for memes and tries too hard to speak on others' terms
Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I never know what the fuck people want any more.

[Anonymous No.16537807]

>>16537802
Maybe just don't perpetuate the bullshit next time and be the bigger man?

[Anonymous No.16537816]

>>16537789
>overcooked rock cake
Yeah, pretty much. They're soft-ish but more dry and definitely more crumbly than an American biscuit.
>maybe too much sugar
Doubtful, they're not particularly sweet. I'd wager American biscuits have more sugar but those are still quite fluffy.

[Anonymous No.16537819]

>>16537777
Nice digits. Yeah, that's not any kind of scone I recognise. I see what's happened here, there's an American thing called a scone, which is different from the British thing called a scone. The British scone is basically exactly the same as an American biscuit, the American scone is apparently a terrible triangular piece of shit.
https://www.cooksillustrated.com/features/8521-the-difference-between-british-and-american-scones-test-cook-andrea-geary-explains

[Anonymous No.16537828]

You can only post below this line if your country uses the term 'Entrée' correctly in restaurant menus.

---------------------------

[Anonymous No.16537833]

>>16537802
>Be American and make up names for things that already exist and have already been named.
>Get pissed off when people mock him for lack of culture and intelligence.
>Goes out and shoots up a school.

[Anonymous No.16537836]

>>16537828
Go back to /int/, baiting faggot.

[Anonymous No.16537844]

>>16537819
Okay, that's making some sense, then. Shit's wacky. Interesting read, thanks.

[Anonymous No.16537855]

>>16537816
>I'd wager American biscuits have more sugar
I can’t speak for all of them, but I’ve never encountered a “regular” biscuit recipe that called for sugar.
There are such thing as sweetened biscuits, but those are not the “norm” that people mean here when they say ‘biscuit’.

[Anonymous No.16538099]

>>16537833
So it's wrong when we make up a name for something, but it's fine when you faggots call everything "pudding"?

[Anonymous No.16538101]

>>16538099
You really want to go there and open the "salad" door?

[Anonymous No.16538103]

The thing I hate most about these things is that in the UK people like pic related argue about their pronunciation. They make a show out of it.

[Anonymous No.16538109]

>>16538101
>implying you cunts didn't start that shit

[Anonymous No.16538124]

>>16538103
>Hates Bionicles
NOW THAT'S A BRIDGE TOO FUCKING FAR YOU SICK FUCK

[Anonymous No.16539968]

>>16538099
>So it's wrong when we make up a name

>>Be American and make up names for things that already exist and have already been named.

Sounds a bit spastic to me and the rest of world.

[Anonymous No.16540079]

>>16537400
Shalom

[Anonymous No.16540417]

>>16535734
clearly you have zero idea what you’re talking about…flaky and light is the very definition of american southern biscuits….oh, shit…you’re a coastie, sorry didn’t recognize your disability

[Anonymous No.16540424]

>>16539968
>avoiding the pudding issue

[Anonymous No.16540427]

>>16536937
I remember this game but we played it with whatever balls we had like basketballs and soccer balls

[Anonymous No.16540432]

>>16535712
wtf i hate britain now!

[Anonymous No.16540435]

>>16535712
i like to choke a little bit and see god in the morning before i get my day started

[Anonymous No.16540449]

>>16540417
>oh, shit…you’re a coastie
>the south has one of the longest continuous coastlines in the US with over a third of its national ports

[Anonymous No.16540458]

>>16537790
And the gravy is made from sausage drippings mixed with milk and flour. Anything else?

[Anonymous No.16540849]

You stole a whole "Adult Swim" bump and branded it as your own? lol You tool...

"F##k scones. Years ago some British idiot mixed up their biscuits with the recipe for SAND and somehow convinced the world that they'd invented a posh concrete flavored treat. Have you ever looked at a pile of bricks and thought "Mmm, I'll take one of those with jam please"? Try a scone! Want to know what the Great Depression tasted like? Eat a scone!! Ever wondered what it would feel like to be buried alive? Choke down a scone!!! Scones are so terrible that if you managed to make one that was in any way good, flaky, fluffy, or delicious, it would at that point cease to be a scone and become a biscuit. They are by definition stiff, desiccated, pastry corpses devoid of all joy or flavor. The words "Ooh" and "scones" have never been paired together. And if you're sitting there thinking, "But Adult Swim, I happen to like scones, my grandma makes very tasty ones." Well screw you and your wannabe Mary Berry granny. You should be sconed to death. Yes, SCONED to death. That's where the rest of normal society gathers together in the spirit of righteous indignation to pelt you with scones which you must eat after they strike your body until you die from bludgeoning or dehydration."

[Anonymous No.16540982]

>>16535712
>american blames the british for the fact his country can only make shitty dwarf bread triangles instead of actual rich, moist buttery scones
take responsibility for your countrymen's incompetence instead

[Anonymous No.16540987]

>>16535712
thirdie hands wrote this