Those responsible for this need to be put in jail

[Anonymous No.16254314]

I have been trying to open this bottle from hell for 45 minutes now with no luck at all.

Stabbed my hands twice in the process
(yes they're bleeding) and the skin on my palms is all red and fucked up now.

The cap still hasn't moved so I threw the whole unopened bottle in the trash where it belongs.

I sincerely want everybody responsible for this fucking abomination of a bottle to be thrown into prison (preferably solitary confinement)

How the fuck did these get past quality control?

[Anonymous No.16254322]

Soybot, my strength is waning

[Anonymous No.16254324]

just have mom open it

[Anonymous No.16254330]

>>16254322
Exactly my thoughts.

>>16254314
How old are you?

[Anonymous No.16254337]

>>16254314
>How the fuck did these get past quality control?

dunno dont drink sugar water

[Anonymous No.16254338]

>>16254322
I got you senpai

[Anonymous No.16254344]

>>16254314
anon just because you're annoyed it took too long to open your grape juice doesn't mean you have to ragepost about it

[Anonymous No.16254350]

>>16254314
>soi nigga
you hate to see it

[Anonymous No.16254383]

>>16254322
>>16254324
>>16254330
>>16254338
None of you have ever
EVER!
Opened one of these bottles before,
so shut the fuck up.

Y'all have no idea what I just spent almost an hour going through.

You'd have to be an olympic bodybuilder in order to open one of these fucking things without machine assistance.

[Anonymous No.16254409]

>>16254383
just wrap the cap with a towel, you fucking mongoloid.

[Anonymous No.16254420]

>>16254383
>pour hot water on the metal lid
>metal expands more than glass
>easily open it
baiting?

[Anonymous No.16254429]

>>16254409
You think I didn't try that shit already fucktard???

[Anonymous No.16254444]

>>16254420
It's not glass nor metal.

Whole thing is 100% plastic and the cap feels like it's been welded to the bottle using titanium.

[Anonymous No.16254463]

>>16254383
You are weak, and will have weak children. Your bloodline will never know the taste of 100% grape juice.

[Anonymous No.16254473]

I have encountered a mountain dew like this before

legit threw it away. impossible. I think some caps are off-tolerance and once they get put on, that's it.

[Anonymous No.16254487]

>>16254473
The fact that simply cutting the bottle open never occurred to either of you is telling.

[Anonymous No.16254501]

>>16254487
the fact that you think you can simply cut through a cap like a mountain dew cap is telling

the fact that you want to drink something with microplastics in it is telling

>HURR SIMPLY CUTTING THE BOTTLE
go fuck yourself. fuck i want to drink out of a fucking violated bottle for? ghetto ass dollar store ass nigga.

[Anonymous No.16254505]

>>16254487
How do you think I stabbed myself?

[Anonymous No.16254512]

>>16254505
meds, now

[Anonymous No.16254518]

Just poke a hole through the cap with a corkscrew and sports drink squirt that shit.

[Anonymous No.16254519]

[Anonymous No.16254521]

>>16254429
>>16254444
I'm sorry to hear you're a genetic dead end. Starvation shall claim you as your feeble limbs fail to bring you nourishment.

[Anonymous No.16254522]

>>16254314
TITS OR GTFO

[Anonymous No.16254568]

>>16254314
Consume less soi

[Anonymous No.16254581]

>Y'all
I knew you were a faggot from the start, but this shit cemented it
Stop taking them hormones retard

[Anonymous No.16254590]

>*a dark, cunning aura enters the thread*

bring me

the welch's

[Anonymous No.16254670]

>>16254590
Gasps, then gossip, alight amongst the townsfolk. In the din of the crowd you can make out only two words, spoken in whisper but repeated frequently:

"The Opener"

[Anonymous No.16254681]

>>16254314
I find that if you hold the bottle still with one hand and then twist the cap with the other hand the cap will come off

[Anonymous No.16254709]

>>16254314
what did your husband say when he saw you crying into your bleeding hands?

[Anonymous No.16254731]

>>16254519
>being unable to open bottles
>having to ask coworkers to do it for "him"
>having to wait for a bottle opener
>ordering one (1) Ikea tier one from amazon
>plastic bottle opener, ofc

I really, really hope /pol/ is right and soy does sterilize people.

[Anonymous No.16254740]

>>16254731
>>ordering one (1) Ikea tier one from amazon

what?

[Anonymous No.16254750]

>>16254505
Why didn't you wrap a rubber band around the cap so you could get a better purchase on it?

[Anonymous No.16254751]

>>16254740
Replace the second 1 that was spelled out and is the 3th one in the single sentence you quoted with both of the 2 words for the product being talked about in the four lines of greentext that you didn't quote.

All clear?

[Anonymous No.16254753]

>>16254751
UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[Anonymous No.16254779]

>>16254463
>>16254322
never change /ck/

[Anonymous No.16254798]

>>16254751
anonymous san,
you have a superb talent
don't ever lose it.

[Anonymous No.16254827]

>>16254314
OP here
I fished it out of the trash and gave it another go

Turns out it's actually not that difficult with a towel and I might have brain damage

Sorry for being kinda gay you guy's

[Anonymous No.16254834]

>>16254827
As long as you keep trying and admit mistakes, you'll go far in life.
Good stuff, anon.

[Anonymous No.16254842]

pliers

[Anonymous No.16254844]

>>16254501
>ghetto ass dollar store ass nigga
Buck detected. Status: unbroken.
> microplastics
I'm not telling you pull out a grating iron, wtf. Just cut it with a knife.
> you think you can simply cut through
I'm not surprised that *you* can't.

[Anonymous No.16254855]

>>16254827
We all make mistakes anon

[Anonymous No.16255134]

>>16254314
I can't believe no one has posted this yet, but what you need OP is one of these cheap rubber mat jar openers. It gives you the grip that you need so that your buttery fingers don't slide while trying to grip the cap. It only costs around $0.50 for a cheap one so there's really no reason not to have one. If all else fails get a pair of those gorilla grip gloves and go to town.

[Anonymous No.16255551]

>>16254750
Came to laugh and post this
Good quality thread

[Anonymous No.16255560]

>>16255134
This is the luddite version of the soibot.

[Anonymous No.16255575]

>>16255560
Based nonsense poster.

[Anonymous No.16255580]

>>16254314
imagine not owning channel locks

[Anonymous No.16255584]

>>16254338
oh wow ive never noticed how the hand drawing is no exaggeration of the real hand lmaooo

[Anonymous No.16255734]

>>16254444
Damn wasted gets

[Anonymous No.16255753]

>>16254314
Nigga just strongen your hands

[Anonymous No.16255775]

>>16255580
imagine needing a plumbing tool to open a fucking juice bottle

[Anonymous No.16255778]

My 85 year old grandfather, who has trouble getting up out of his chair, can open these

[Anonymous No.16255785]

>>16255775
I used to get calluses from opening bottles and jars nigger, sometimes they just don't come off without drawing blood

[Anonymous No.16255802]

>he doesn't work his hands every day
How's it feel knowing can choke you out and crush your trachea with one hand, fag?

[Anonymous No.16256194]

>>16254314
That's a plastic bottle, right? If so, simpy puncture a hole in the bottom and drain it into an ordinary plastic bottle.

[Anonymous No.16256258]

>>16254314
You made a thread about the IMPOSSIBILITY of opening this bottle cap with your current strenght. 100% grape juice is not for you to taste.

Let that sink in.

[Anonymous No.16256312]

>>16256258
>Let that sink in.

please stop

[Anonymous No.16256325]

>>16255134
Or just get non-soiguzzler upper arm strength

[Anonymous No.16256553]

The fuck kind of bait is this?

[Anonymous No.16256594]

>>16254314
get your wife's boyfriend to open it.

[Anonymous No.16256603]

Amateurs, all of you

[Anonymous No.16256730]

>>16254338
one of my favorites, it's just so perfect. still can't believe it's real.

[Anonymous No.16256740]

>>16254383
just close it more
and then open it
dumb american
every south american know this

[Anonymous No.16256753]

>>16254590
>>16254670
>>16254827

[Anonymous No.16256767]

>>16255580
came here to post this

[Anonymous No.16256801]

>>16255580
Fuck, someone got here before me. This is the ultimate tool, way better than pliers. And some weigh enough to beat a persons head in. Or simply tack a nail in. I love my channel locks.

[Anonymous No.16256811]

>>16254314
>drinking grape juice
>weak little hands can't open the bottle
U&B

[Anonymous No.16256858]

>>16254322
fpbp

[Anonymous No.16256889]

>>16254314
need some help opening that bottle anon?

[Anonymous No.16256900]

>>16254383
Put a rubber band on the cap if you're so weak

[Anonymous No.16256912]

I have been trying to open this sandwich from hell for 45 minutes now with no luck at all.

Stabbed my hands twice in the process
(yes they're bleeding) and the skin on my palms is all red and fucked up now.

The paper still hasn't moved so I threw the whole unopened box in the trash where it belongs.

I sincerely want everybody responsible for this fucking abomination of a box to be thrown into prison (preferably solitary confinement)

How the fuck did these get past quality control?

[Anonymous No.16257094]

>>16255134
You don't need this shit. If grip is the problem, just open the jar using your left hand. Your left hand, when twisting something counter-clockwise, jams up with the lid in a way that increases your grip.

[Anonymous No.16257103]

>>16256912
>he can't open a shitty cardboard box
lmao just tear it you pathetic worm

[Anonymous No.16257942]

>>16254322
>>16254338
came here to post this, good job guys

[Anonymous No.16258427]

>>16256801
a weapon to surpass metal gear!

[Anonymous No.16258456]

>>16256801
if anyone is at a garage sale buy an old pair if you see them.
I got mine for a dollar and I think it's the best buck I ever spent

[Anonymous No.16258493]

>>16254338
Uhh, why is there what appears to be a prosthetic and exaggerated phallus attached to the "soybot" in the drawing? It appears to be attached to a motile arm, implying it's meant to simulate phallic function. Explain this. Now. Need I remind you that this is a BLUE board?