/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.15826244]

You go to a party and see this.

[Anonymous No.15826251]

>>15826244
>Fruit and cold cuts together
I let out an deafening autistic screech that disturbs the conversations of the entire gathering, turn 360 degrees and walk away.

[Anonymous No.15826254]

>>15826244
I eat too much of it because I get hungry when I drink and people never account for this so I have to go hog on the snacks.

[Anonymous No.15826256]

>>15826244
Skullfuck the host for his terrible cracker choices

[Anonymous No.15826264]

>>15826244
I would thank the host for providing snacking finger foods while I drink.

[Anonymous No.15826298]

>>15826264
Thank you Anon, I appreciate it. Hey, we're getting together next weekend and my cousin cousin will be in town, you should come over and meet her.

[Anonymous No.15826306]

>>15826244
its too cramped its triggering my autism

[Anonymous No.15826311]

>>15826244
I try to take all the chocolate pretzels while noone is watching and cover them with some biscuits a few basic cheese slices and some salami.
oh and one strawberry.

[Anonymous No.15826314]

>>15826251
>Turns 360° and stares at the food more

[Anonymous No.15826315]

>>15826251
wouldn't you be walking towards it then?

[Anonymous No.15826317]

>>15826244
>You go to a party

[Anonymous No.15826321]

>>15826314
>>15826315
fucking newfags

[Anonymous No.15826323]

>>15826244
This would be fine but the arrangement is crap. Keep everything in its own pile, don’t break it up and put 4 little piles of the same thing all over the plate

[Anonymous No.15826326]

>>15826244
hover around it for a majority of the party until i feel like people notice then go back to my room

[Anonymous No.15826328]

>>15826251
>turn 360 degrees and walk away

[Anonymous No.15826342]

>>15826321
fucking newfag

[Anonymous No.15826345]

>>15826323
this

i fucking love crackers, cheese, cold cuts, etc. i eat it once a week as a lunch or dinner meal

[Anonymous No.15826349]

>>15826251
TURNING 360 DEGREES WOULD TAKE YOU BACK TO THE SAME DIRECTION YOU FUCKING MORON

[Anonymous No.15826351]

>>15826323
seems useful if the plate is in the middle of a table and people will be reaching for it from multiple directions. although just making multiple smaller plates would be better for that purpose

[Anonymous No.15826353]

>>15826244
>put latex glove on my left hand
>begin organizing fruits into the bottom left, crackers on the top left, cheeses in the bottom right, and meats in the top right
>take 5 of the circular crackers, 2 green olives, 4 grapes, several almonds, a strawberry, 2 slices of prosciutto, 2 slices of the deeper red cured sausage, one slice of the meat on the top right of the image, 3 slives of brie, 2 slices of the other cheese, and 3 chocolate covered pretzels on a plate
>go sit in an isolated chair and eat while i stare at the paintings on the wall

[Anonymous No.15826354]

>>15826321
Yeah you're a fucking newfag

[Anonymous No.15826355]

>>15826298
Do you guys play cards?

[Anonymous No.15826376]

>>15826349
welcome newfriend

[Anonymous No.15826424]

>>15826244
eat it

[Anonymous No.15826428]

>>15826244
360 degrees, walk away, etc.

[Anonymous No.15826635]

>>15826244
a chad's party if i've ever seen one, goddamn.

[Anonymous No.15826784]

>>15826314
>>15826315
>>15826328
>>15826349
>2021
>not knowing turn 360 degrees and walk away
ISHYGDDT

[Anonymous No.15826791]

I pick out all the meat, denying anyone else the protein. I take an entire hunk of brie.

[Anonymous No.15826793]

Over crowded plate. Disgraceful.

[Anonymous No.15827902]

>>15826244
Pick it up and take it home with me.

[Anonymous No.15827921]

>>15826244
Take it home.

[Anonymous No.15827925]

>>15827902
Haha grate rinds think alike.

[Anonymous No.15827946]

>>15826251
>Turns 360 degrees
>Walks into food
>Knocks over food
>Trips and falls
>Lands face first with mouth open into food
>Salami and grape falls into mouth

[Anonymous No.15827952]

>>15826251
>360 degrees
I think u meant pi radians

[Anonymous No.15827958]

While no means the pinnacle of a snack tray, it's far better than what I see offered at most social gatherings. I live in the midwest so more often than not you end up with bagged chips, store-bought cookies, a variety of soda, and some homemade salads.

When I gather with the boys for a poker night, though, we're far more likely to throw a bunch of shit on the grill or do it potluck style. Sometimes we'll do it completely random: I'll bring some lumpia, another friend will bring stuff for beer brats, someone else brings a warm potato salad, and someone else brings a couple of sides. Other times we'll decide on a theme and a few of us will pick up odds and ends for crazy nachos while somebody else whips up a batch of their mom's rad refried beans and someone else will bring some beers and a bottle of tequila.

[Anonymous No.15827973]

>>15826784
>current year
>not understanding fourth degree shitposting

[Anonymous No.15827988]

>>15827952
Think you mean 2pi friend

[Anonymous No.15828032]

I would think the host feels insecure about making everyone comfortable. When people come over I usually provide 3-4 types of snacks max. If someone happens to dislike ALL of them, then sorry, tough luck. We gonna order some takeaway later in the night anyway, aren't we?

[Anonymous No.15828039]

>>15826251
i love how taking the bait has become a form of bait

[Anonymous No.15828040]

>>15826244
I bellow with all my might IS THAT SUM SHAQCOOCHIEREEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[Anonymous No.15828061]

>>15828039
or is it pretending that you are baited by someone taking the bait?

[Anonymous No.15828066]

>>15828039
it was a form of the bait two years ago. the next level is upon us

[Anonymous No.15828154]

>>15826244
I pick it up and take it with me as I leave the party. Maybe grabbing a bottle of wine or two on the way out.

[Anonymous No.15828162]

What is the sudden /ck/-zoomlet obsession with hating this?
>oh no! A variety of food items!

[Anonymous No.15828204]

>>15826244
Everything i like is on that plate :D

[Anonymous No.15828241]

>>15826244
Bring one of these and proceed to eat most of both of them

[Anonymous No.15828261]

>>15827973
You are all mere flies trapped in my web

[Anonymous No.15828272]

Why am I at a party? Why is all that food grouped together? We are in the middle of a fucking pandemic.

[Anonymous No.15828284]

>>15826244
It was always a classy Italian affair when dad brought home one of these

[Anonymous No.15828291]

>>15826244
It would be the one enjoyable thing at the party for me

[Anonymous No.15828315]

>>15826244
>some choco pretzels, like 20 grapes, 4 strawberries, and a handful of olives
why even bother adding these to the plate if you arent going to add enough for everyone?

[Anonymous No.15828323]

>>15828272
>he hasn't gained immunity from sharing healing crystal suppositories with his closest bros
ngmi

[Anonymous No.15828349]

>>15826244
You're in a desert, walking along when you look down and see a tortoise.

[Anonymous No.15828372]

>>15826244


pull down pants and immediately hot glue the entire platter, ruining the party for everyone

[Anonymous No.15828389]

>>15826251
you know this meme has turned to shit when the bait baits others into another endless spiral of baits

[Anonymous No.15828398]

where are the serving tongs?

[Anonymous No.15828462]

>>15826244
pick up the plate and tip the entire contents into my mouth, letting it slide smoothly into my gullet without a single morsel being detected by my tastebuds

[Anonymous No.15828468]

>>15828349
turn the tortoise over so it's stuck on it's back.

[Anonymous No.15828552]

>>15828468
you've doomed us all

[Anonymous No.15828633]

>>15828349
stomp on it before it's too late

[Anonymous No.15828684]

>>15826244
I'd order something on doordash and eat that instead.

[Anonymous No.15828778]

>>15826244
I would eat so much of it that I would be too stuffed when dinner is ready.

[Anonymous No.15828832]

>>15827958
looking for the post in thread where someone asked
can't seem to find it

[Anonymous No.15828851]

>>15826244
Eat the brie like orange slices

[Anonymous No.15828932]

>>15826251
>not doing a 180 and moon walking away

[Anonymous No.15828944]

I smash my hand all over it in front of everyone to establish my dominance.

[Anonymous No.15828951]

>>15826321
newfag yikes

[Anonymous No.15828957]

>>15826784
holy newfag

[Anonymous No.15828964]

>>15828272
>he still thinks its real

[Anonymous No.15828992]

>>15826784
You have to go back

[Anonymous No.15829028]

>>15827958
Re: Midwestern standards, some years back I worked in KC and my department’s morbidly obese secretary thought a good idea for an office gathering would be sandwiches. Not catered, though. Not made by anyone else. Not even the hot kind. Just store-bought lunchmeat, cheese, and bread.

Like... what in the hell? I felt a little bad later after she heard me complaining, but come the fuck on.

[Anonymous No.15829314]

>>15826244
>grab 1 grape
>entire overflowing tray spills all over the floor
sorry bout that bros

[Anonymous No.15829356]

>>15826244
>Shitty carbs all over
>Not even bread, shitty dry ass crackers

[Anonymous No.15829379]

i think people like designing the board more than eating whats on it

[Anonymous No.15829406]

What would make for a good cheese board anons?

[Anonymous No.15829611]

>>15829406
jamon iberico, lady edison, bresoala, calabrese,
fourme d’ambert, d'affinois, pecorino moliterno al tartufo, campo manchego, with your preference for dried fruits, marcona almonds, olives/gherkins and preferred crusty bread

[Anonymous No.15829677]

>>15828272
I know right? All my friends talk about going outside and getting groceries and getting takeout from restaurants... like??? It's a global pandemic why are you going outside???

[Anonymous No.15829683]

>>15829379
This, it’s woman-tier

[Anonymous No.15829738]

>>15829677
Just order delivery

[Anonymous No.15830451]

>>15827973
>>15828957
>>15828992
>Not getting 4D chessposting

[Anonymous No.15830799]

>>15829738
I get my groceries delivered on a weekly basis and that's how I've been surviving lockdown... basically haven't left the house since this started. I can't believe anything is open at all honestly, it's a GLOBAL PANDEMIC and people are just flaunting the rules... at this rate it's never going to be over.

[Anonymous No.15832178]

>>15826244
protip, you can safely grab a slice of meat between a cracker and a pretzel if a fork is not provided

[Anonymous No.15832241]

>>15826244
I teach the host how to use a knife to cut off the leafs from a strawberry and buy them more plates so they don't have to combine the meat/cheese and crackers/fruit/ chocolate hors d'oeuvres all together.

[Anonymous No.15832249]

>>15826244
At first i'd be happy about it but then i'd realize that the only reason it exist is because the narcissistic person that created it wanted to take a photo of it.

[Anonymous No.15832306]

>>15826244
You meet a girl on Tinder, she invites you over and you see this.

[Anonymous No.15832313]

>>15832306
I'd ask to see her ID.

[Anonymous No.15832532]

>>15826244
I complain to the guests about the lack of proper bread.

[Anonymous No.15832535]

>>15832241
All the taste drains out of the strab if you remove the green part, dummy.
I bet you buy ground pepper as well.

[Anonymous No.15832550]

>>15832249
Being proud of something that you put together doesn't make you a narcissist.

[Anonymous No.15832567]

>>15826244

[Anonymous No.15832653]

>>15827958
>>15829028
the midwest is completely full of tasteless children in terms of palate.

[Anonymous No.15832756]

>>15832306
Three condoms?? What for

[Anonymous No.15832791]

>>15826251
>360 degrees and walk away

American education

[Anonymous No.15832795]

>>15826321
ohnononno sweaty u got outed as the newfag!

[Anonymous No.15832808]

>>15828039
Trolls trolling trolls is a 2007 era /b/ classic

[Anonymous No.15832829]

>>15832791
newfag detected

[Anonymous No.15832882]

>>15828061
we've gone too deep anons. we need to turn 720 degrees and electric slide away

[Anonymous No.15832883]

>Karen brings these

[Anonymous No.15832889]

>>15832883
your meme is stupid and boring

[Anonymous No.15832895]

>>15826353
>deeper red smoked sausage
that is soprasetta my friend. One of my favorites, its more dense and fatty.

[Anonymous No.15832899]

>>15828832
It's adorable you think I care, kiddo. Keep seething.

[Anonymous No.15832902]

>>15826244
you call that gabagoo?

[Anonymous No.15832904]

>>15826244
Would not eat.

[Anonymous No.15832931]

>>15830799
>>15829738
wtf? literally everyone else has gone back to normal except 75% of people wear masks. Some businesses are still closed like movie theatres for whatever reason but beyond that its life as normal here

[Anonymous No.15832933]

>>15832550
When you post it on reddit you are.

[Anonymous No.15832936]

>>15828851
the rind is very soft and edible on brie

[Anonymous No.15832945]

>>15826317
Tenth pbp

[Anonymous No.15832950]

>>15826244
The olives are a trap
tehy are un pitted so you will end up with an inadible pitt in your mouth, what do you do ? you dont want to but your fingers into your mouth like som kind of monkey and you dont want to spit it out, you would probably have to go to the kitchcen and spit it out into the trash

[Anonymous No.15832951]

>>15828066
Onionposting

[Anonymous No.15832975]

>>15832883
You have to go back

[Anonymous No.15833165]

>>15832535
I've never heard of that
I mean I eat shrimp tails whole so I guess I can get into strawberries too

[Anonymous No.15833173]

>>15833165
>I eat shrimp tails whole
skinny black raccoon hands typed this

[Anonymous No.15833226]

>>15826244
looks alright, but you know people are going to use their dirty fingers and touch every other piece of food when they go to get something so you will probably get sick after the party

[Anonymous No.15833235]

>>15833165
>>15833173
In Summer back in the day we used to catch what we called "horse shrimp" and eat them whole and alive and never got any kind of sick from it.
It wasn't tasty, though. We really only did it because it grossed out the girls. And really, what more could a man ask for?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crangon_crangon

[Anonymous No.15833300]

>>15833235
I'm the kind of pussy who'd probably have cried for the poor lil' shrimp getting vored alive.
I got the shit kicked out of me in 1st grade trying to keep kids from stomping on pill bugs- like not even a beating, I confronted the kids outside and all they had to do was push me down a hill, gravity did all the work for 'em.

[Anonymous No.15833331]

>>15832306
That's like six bowls of weed, even when I was stoner trash and sat around smoking with my wife it'd last a couple days.
So five little toasts, six crackers, 5 oz of cured meats 8 oz of cheese, four nuggets, and eight gummy worms aren't going to be enough food.
What are you supposed to do with the coffee beans?

[Anonymous No.15833702]

>>15826251
My security detail would put you down immediately.

[Anonymous No.15833717]

>>15832933
Why? Sharing with the world is bad?

[Anonymous No.15833753]

>>15832306
absolutely based spread you have there

[Anonymous No.15834412]

>>15832931
yeah and that's the problem!!!! It's a GLOBAL PANDEMIC life is not going to be normal for a while!!! Trying to act like it's normal while wearing masks is the problem!!!!

[Anonymous No.15834454]

Start talking to the nearest person while gradually making our way to this tray so when I pick some food off it I can say "here's mine, what are you having". Continue doing this until I get bored.

[Anonymous No.15834670]

>>15826244
>turn 360 and walk away

[Anonymous No.15834938]

>>15826244
>You go to a party
Not anymore
T-T

[Anonymous No.15834975]

>>15834412
>Global
Nah it's honestly just a US and Europe thing.
Most of the rest of the world havent had the virus for a year, if at all.
We're just waiting for you dumb cunts to get rid of it already

[Anonymous No.15835035]

>>15826244
All the cheese, grapes and chorizo is for me all of it

[Anonymous No.15835194]

>>15833717

[Anonymous No.15835217]

>>15835194
Huh?:

[Anonymous No.15835226]

>>15833702
>My security detail

[Anonymous No.15835530]

>>15826244
I immediately cum buckets into my pants and all over the charcuterie while moaning on pure ecstasy

[Anonymous No.15835551]

>>15828039
You fell for the bait, newfag.

[Anonymous No.15835593]

>>15826244
i stuff the things i like into a bag then leave

[Anonymous No.15835616]

>>15828272
>Still worried about a 99.9% survival rate
Jesus dude get a grip.

[Anonymous No.15835641]

>>15835616
Yet people still play the lottery.

[Anonymous No.15835657]

>>15826244
I would eat some, say thank you, and never think about it again.

[Anonymous No.15835658]

>>15826244
I immediately know that there are no brown people at this party and that I am in good company enough to leave my coat or phone unattended.

[Anonymous No.15835697]

>>15835658
Do you often go to parties with people you don't trust with your coat?
Do you have such a weak social circle?

[Anonymous No.15835718]

>>15835697
>soycial circle
hope jamal sees this bro

[Anonymous No.15836706]

>>15832306
eat the condoms, snort the blow, shove the gummy worms up her clam and tell her about the dangers of cannabis

[Anonymous No.15836717]

>>15826244
Those dry ass, crumbly discount crackers and shitty airplane food-tier chocolate pretzels, *puh* I spit on you

[Anonymous No.15836731]

>>15832883
Pinwheels are great. Kill yourself faggot.

[Anonymous No.15836823]

>>15836706
This is the only correct answer.

[Anonymous No.15836933]

>>15829028
>She made homemade sammies
Based
>and you complained, wishing you had fast food
Typical cu/ck/

[Anonymous No.15836954]

Thoughts on my board?

[Anonymous No.15836990]

>>15836954
What's with the tire pressure gauge?

[Anonymous No.15837076]

>>15836990
It's a small caliber firearm, less of a mess
It was a tough call on what to serve

[Anonymous No.15837086]

>>15826244
Looks too complicated. I'd just stick with the bowl of chips or something.

[Anonymous No.15837087]

>>15826244
I reach out and touch it

[Anonymous No.15838117]

>>15832936
>mold is edible
sure it is, monsieur goldberg

[Anonymous No.15838126]

>>15830451
>not getting 5D chessposting

[Anonymous No.15838198]

>>15826244
I dont have a wife but i'm sorry i fucked yours

[Anonymous No.15838206]

>>15826251
Fpbp

[Anonymous No.15838401]

>>15832883
When I had a lot of income I used to buy these every week from costco to splurge. Fuck they were so good.

[Anonymous No.15839065]

>>15826244
>swallows the entire plate like in cartoons

[Anonymous No.15839069]

>>15832883
>Karen

[Anonymous No.15839211]

>>15826256
I'm gonna call you out. Link us what you think are proper crackers then. Lets see what you got...

[Anonymous No.15839236]

>>15826244
high-five, fist bump or man hug my bro or whoever's throwing the shindig, set down the bottle of wine or whiskey or whatever food i brought and then start talking to the nearest acquaintance i see

[Anonymous No.15839239]

>>15826244
I look at it with my eyes

[Anonymous No.15839549]

>>15838117
weak bait

[Anonymous No.15839580]

>>15826244
Thank the host for their consideration and generosity.

[Anonymous No.15839591]

That's great desu, it means stupid white girls are at the party and I can tell them I'm on an NBA G-league team and have sex with them

[Anonymous No.15839764]

>>15826244
I look for some whore to bang because i hate women but love them and i blame it on my mother being a terrible mother. Than i get drunk and cry and fuck some other whor ebecause all women are WHORES!

[Anonymous No.15839811]

>>15826355
Yeah, doing magic tricks since I was a little kid I gor the marked deck. It's all in fun and everyone knows it, that's the fun of it.
One never tries to do anything weird that would be cheating. Marked decks this that and the other thing, as long as we all know that's what it is then it's in fun.

[Anonymous No.15839839]

svengali deck aka forced deck

[Anonymous No.15839883]

i can eat all of that in hmm, lets say 35min