Eating accidents

[Anonymous No.15510560]

I thought it'll be cool to hear about your eating accidents so I made a thread for it. Here's mine that happened right now:

>Be me
>Eat spicy hot noodle soup with chilly in the soup
>Lean over bowl to eat the noodle
>Noodle slips off fork and into the soups making a splash
>the splash hit me directly inside the eye (on the surface)
>Fast forwards 30 secs
>Holy shit it's burning my eye

[Anonymous No.15510607]

Once splashed a good dollop of spicy Pho soup into my eye while slurping the noodles. My eye was red and painful for the rest of the day.

[Anonymous No.15510657]

>>15510560
I once had spicy noodle poopy in the dentist's chair.
I was mortified so I hid in the dentist's toilet.

[Anonymous No.15510675]

Was chopping hot chillies. Took a bathroom break. Didn't wash my hands before using the toilet.

[Anonymous No.15510678]

I've NEVER had this happen, and I chop a lot of hot chillies and never wear gloves or anything. I swear it's a myth.

[Anonymous No.15510679]

do americans really eat in the car?

[Anonymous No.15510691]

>>15510657
Don't try them, please don't

[Anonymous No.15510694]

>>15510675
You're a muslim?

[Anonymous No.15510727]

>>15510694
Excuse me, I normally wash hands *after* using the toilet.

[Anonymous No.15510730]

>>15510679
Not real Americans.

[Anonymous No.15510749]

>>15510727
oh it was your dick that was burning? Well in that case, who the fuck holds on the glans while peeing? Like wtf? Do you first roll down the foreskin so that you can hold directly on the glans?

[Anonymous No.15510755]

>>15510749
I got some chili oil on the catheter.

[Anonymous No.15510765]

>>15510755
oh boy. Imagine if some of the oil had dripped down into your balls lol

[Anonymous No.15510862]

>>15510560
This is how I eat food in my car also

[Anonymous No.15510891]

>>15510560
I burnt my pussy hands on a bowl of chef ravioli taking it out if the microwave while baked once and after a couple seconds of do Americans really I realized I had to scramble to pick up all the glass before the dogs ate any. They're all alive 7 years later.

[Anonymous No.15512031]

>>15510560
i once deep throated an egg by accident and i got yolk in my windpipe

[Anonymous No.15512088]

>>15510560
I bit a potato chip and a piece of it wedged itself between tooth and gum. it stayed there until some gum came off.

[Anonymous No.15512483]

>>15510749
You have to roll down the foreskin so the urine doesn't splash around at the tip

[Anonymous No.15512505]

>>15512483
But you don't roll it down and then move your grip from the foreskin to the exposed head, do you? I just put my thumb and pointing finger on the tip of the foreskin and pull it down a little to open the pee hole, but I keep my fingers and grip on the same place (on the foreskin). I don't shit the grip after I pull the skin back. What would be the point of that?

[Anonymous No.15512526]

>>15510891
>and after a couple seconds of do Americans really
huh?
I kinda had something like this when I was younger. Sister put her shoes in the way of my walking path and it was like something out of a cartoon. Beefaroni all over the ceiling. Even now there are still some specks.

[Anonymous No.15512622]

A couple of weeks ago I gave myself a first degree burn just boiling water

[Anonymous No.15512623]

>eating ice cream cone
>ice cream drips down arm
>lift arm to lick ice cream off elbow
>can't quite reach
>move arm further back
>still holding cone in hand
>smear ice cream on back
>can't find anyone else willing to lick my back
>oil
>try harder
>still have problems judging the other one
>mfw

[Anonymous No.15512886]

>>15512623
>mfw
mom fingers wussy?

[Anonymous No.15512985]

>>15512505
spray and play!

[Anonymous No.15513290]

>>15512623
huh?

[Anonymous No.15513355]

>>15510560
One time when I was I was staying at my 2 great aunts' house, they run an unofficial daycare out of their home and a boy they watch has SEVERE autism.I was eating ramen noodles I just took off the burner and he wanted to see what I was eating so he took the bowl and tipped it and spilled the boiling water on us.

[Anonymous No.15513381]

>sister moves in with me for college
>slow-cooking her a nice stracotto to welcome her
>buy a challah from jew bakery a block away to go with it
>get home with bread
>she's already arrived
>accidentally my sister

[Anonymous No.15513421]

>>15510560
I ate a chick once and she accidently gave me herpes

[Anonymous No.15513478]

>>15510679
yeah it fucking sucks, no time in the day so i eat my cold lunch i cooked the night before in the car in a parking lot.

[Anonymous No.15513502]

>>15513355
What an autistic little faggot. I hope you beat his ass well for that wrongdoing.

[Anonymous No.15513511]

>>15510560
I eat 3 boxes of triscuits a week, so is that bad?

[Anonymous No.15513516]

>>15510560
>be me
>cooking chili
>chop lots of peppers
>touch eye
>owie wowie
>go to bathroom
>try to wash
>now it’s in both eyes
>holy fucking Christ this sucks
>scratch pen0r
>it’s burning my fucking cock
>*screams internally*
>tell fiancé I’m in a lot of pain and need some time to cool off
>sit under a cold shower
>don’t touch any body part whatsoever

And another
>cooking pasta sauce
>recently received an immersion blender
>blend my tomatoes, grated carrots, and onions to a fine paste for sauciness
>adding in mushrooms, sausages, n shit
>sauce pops like a pimple and squirts my wrist with molten hot sauce
>tasted good tho

[Anonymous No.15513692]

>>15513502
Kek, in all seriousness his parents and my great aunt need to discipline him more. One time he threw a tablet at my shoulder and when out of reflex I yelled "Hey!" at him my Great Aunt yelled at ME.

[Anonymous No.15513734]

>be me
>eating with family
>stepsister starts crying
>anon fucked me
>stepmom starts crying
>father is furious
>forget to vent kimchi before being kicked out
>probably made a huge mess later

[Anonymous No.15513737]

>>15513516
Once I spilled chili flavored instant ramen on my lap and for the rest of the day my dick had a burning sensation, it was hell.

[Anonymous No.15513772]

I heated some canned chicken soup while drunk, went to sip some straight out of the saucepan while walking, and bumped into a doorframe. A bunch of it splashed onto my belly, and, most painfully, my scrotum. I lay under the cold running shower water for maybe 20 minutes groaning and autistically murmuring "look how they massacred my boys" over and over again.

[Anonymous No.15513798]

You hold the foreskin and urine fills it, cleaning it out. Then for good measure you run the tip under the faucet after.

[Anonymous No.15513817]

>>15513734
Did you?

[Anonymous No.15513839]

>>15510560
>Be me
>Work shitty highschool job
>Get off late
>Make some french fries in the oven
>Finally done, thank fuck I'm starving
>In a mix of fatigue and hunger I grabbed the sheet pan out of the oven with my bare hands
>Panic looking for a place to put the pan because sister left the kitchen a mess
>Don't want to burn hardwood floor
>Don't want to burn laminate counter
>Realize I can put it back in the oven
>Too mad at myself for being a retard to really register how badly my fingers are burned
>Find the oven mitts and finally get my fries on a plate
>Salt hurts my freshly burned fingers
>Pissed off eating my fries that aren't even that good
>Fingers got blistered and I had fluid sacks on my fingertips for a few days until I eventually just popped them
Still don't eat oven fries to this day

[Anonymous No.15513843]

>>15510560
dropped my phone into my bowl of ramen when I went out to a ramen bar last. Luckily it's fairly new and water-resistant
otherwise, I definitely think me picking up food and anticipating eating it was the cause of at least one car accident. I was also 17 so kinda dumb

[Anonymous No.15513886]

>>15513817
yeah I totally didn't vent my kimchi. I also fucked my fujoshi stepsister when she got into my booze one time. She smelled like cat piss and wanted me to call her big bro. We didn't even have a cat. Wouldn't recommend.

[Anonymous No.15514002]

>>15513772
>I lay under the cold running shower water for maybe 20 minutes groaning and autistically murmuring "look how they massacred my boys" over and over again.
what the fuck man? Do you have some kind of mental fucked up disease?

[Anonymous No.15514011]

>>15513839
>I had fluid sacks
I know what you mean if you catch my drift ;-)

[Anonymous No.15514023]

>>15514002
Probably, but mostly I was very drunk.

[Anonymous No.15514031]

>>15514023
>I was very drunk.
You think you're kool or smthing?
you are degenerated

[Anonymous No.15514034]

>>15510657

[Anonymous No.15514040]

>>15514031
No, there's nothing impressive or exotic about getting drunk. It's just a detail.

[Anonymous No.15514097]

>>15513734
Why would she cry about that

[Anonymous No.15514210]

>>15510560
This was back in 2009 but still makes me laugh.
>I was a department manager and a coworker called me to say that they weren't coming into work
>Okay, you sick?
>No, heading to the hospital actually. Was driving into the office while eating some food with a fork. Had to slam on the brakes and the fork is now through my hand.
I used to have a picture but I cannot find it right now. To give everyone the mental image: imagine the tongs of a fork piercing the webbings of your hand between the index and thumb.

[Anonymous No.15514213]

>>15514097
You've obviously never had sex with a family member before. It's not like in the porn movies.

[Anonymous No.15514216]

>>15514213
m...mods?

[Anonymous No.15514221]

>>15514213
>Stepsister
>Family
It ain't blood man, it's only weird if your parents got married when you were both super young

[Anonymous No.15514341]

>>15514097
she started going to therapy because of bulimia and I guess off brand incest messed with her. Moral of the story is you're better off eating and drinking alone.

[Anonymous No.15514359]

>>15514221
>>15514341
>>15514213
can we just talk about food pls

[Anonymous No.15514387]

>>15514341
So was she like your real sister or was it a dad got married when you were both teenagers thing?

>>15514359
After we're done talking about Anon fucking his sister, unless you can come up with a food as interesting as incest

[Anonymous No.15514636]

>>15514359
sure
>be me
>make soup
>watch LoGH
>sneeeze.webp
>bring hand to nose
>don't let go of bowl
>soup leaves bowl at mach 3
>everything is now soup

>>15514387
nah we were 12 and 17 when they married, that all happened when I was 21. Maybe I long time, idk.

[Anonymous No.15514655]

>>15514636
You were 12 and she was 17 and you got kicked out when you fucked her at 28 and you were the bad guy? Your dad is a cunt

[Anonymous No.15514671]

>>15510560
Food related not eating:
>be 13
>hanging out with friends in the summer
>we're all hungry
>spend an hour going to each other's houses and scraping together just enough cash between us to walk to the local pizza shop and order a large pizza to split
>walk like 4 miles through fields and some woods to get there from our neighborhood
>order the pizza, wait around 20 mins for it to be ready
>walking out the door
>our klutz friend we made the mistake of letting carry the box trips
>pizza flies out of the box and lands cheese side down in a patch of mud where the sidewalk cuts away around a tree
>never let him forget about it for the past 20 years

[Anonymous No.15514687]

>>15510675
I like the feeling of a spicy peepee. Never wash my hands after or wear gloves. fuck every pussy who gives you some generic warning about hot peppers.

[Anonymous No.15514694]

>>15512483
I have a foreskin like an elephant trunk so I piss like a waterfall.
>tfw it feels good man

[Anonymous No.15514710]

>>15513734
>family gets mad over fucking your step sister
Do Americans actually?

[Anonymous No.15514738]

>>15514710
It's worse in europe anon
>Biological sister gets upset when I get drunk and fuck my stepsister

[Anonymous No.15514780]

>>15510560
>Go to eat an egg salad sandwhich
>lean in to take a bite
>bread flys out of my hands at incredibly high speeds
>the contense of the sandwhich explodes which sends me hurling through the air
>get slapped by the multi grain as I land on the ground and scratch my knee
Never eating vegetables again

[Anonymous No.15514813]

>be me
>years ago
>pick chile peppers at 'pick your own' farm
>take home and roast them
>skin them
>slice them
>4 hours later
>fap time
>good to go, everything normal
>in the middle of fap
>intense heat on junk
>never missed a fap in my life
>continue to completion
>mfw

[Anonymous No.15514820]

>>15512031
>accident

[Anonymous No.15514824]

>>15510560
I ordered hot wings earlier and spilled the fucking container on a less than sterile floor. They were unsalvageable so I had spinach and canned tuna for lunch.

[Anonymous No.15514942]

>>15512088
I was eating potato chips in the car when I was a little kid and my mom slammed the brakes as I was raising a chip to my mouth and I scratched my eyeball with it

[Anonymous No.15514991]

>>15512623
this post makes me feel like I'm having a weird dream

[Anonymous No.15515095]

>>15510560
>be stupid kid
>rub hot sauce on my nuts because I thought it would feel good
>be in burning agony for the next few hours

I'm not even sure how long the pain lasted since it felt more like a fever dream than anything else

[Anonymous No.15515116]

>>15510560
One time I was making a grilled cheese and slipped right onto my brother hard boner until he cummed

[Anonymous No.15515138]

>>15514359
Food?

[Anonymous No.15515227]

>>15515116
based

[Anonymous No.15515245]

>>15510560
What country are you from where you call it "chilly"?

[Anonymous No.15515248]

I feel better about breaking up my family knowing that I never touched peppers then my balls.

[Anonymous No.15515258]

>>15514655
anon didnt say which one of them was which age

[Anonymous No.15515259]

[Anonymous No.15515311]

>>15514655
lol no I was 21 she was 16

[Anonymous No.15515435]

On my 13th birthday my family took me to Ghengis Khan Mongolian BBQ restaurant. It was desert time and I got myself and almond cookie and a nice helping of what at the time I believed was Mongolian green tea ice cream. I dipped my cookie into the ice cream and took a bite all willy-nilly. It was not fucking ice cream. It was my first encounter with Wasabi. I was dead to the world for 5 straight minutes. Even the hostess came to check on me because I did make somewhat of a scene. Amazing meal nonetheless. I did in fact get my ice cream and I love Wasabi now.

[Anonymous No.15515469]

>>15512886
shut the fuck up, anon.

[Anonymous No.15515498]

>>15515469
rude

[Anonymous No.15515704]

>>15514213
>>15514221
>>15514341
>>15514387
I fucked stepsister 3 times when drunk (she’s 10 months older than me). We were 18-19 at the time. We were both upstairs in the middle of the night with parents across the hall. It was pretty hawt in retrospect but honestly she was kinda pudgy. She wasn’t fat though, just not skinny enough for it to be as good as i would’ve liked.

Honestly, I should’ve creampied that bitch but I was worried she would get pregnant and that would be a seriously big drama. Part of the reason I did it was to give the biggest middle finger of all to my step dad, the cock up the middle of his daughters pussy.

[Anonymous No.15515788]

One of my funniest childhood memories

>Carpooling with kid I go to after school care with and his mum
>She's driving the van cruising to the care centre
>He's in the back, chugging OJ out of this gigantic container with a big mouth opening (like a big plastic mason jar)
>She's heading straight for a speedbump
>Picks this time to angrily yell back "you better not spill any of that fuckin juice in the car!"
>Hits the speedbump without braking whatsoever
>Half the container of juice flies into kids face and drenches him
>His face shocked both by being drenched in cold juice and the fear of immediately doing the thing he was told not to do

I'm laughing remembering this, thanks

[Anonymous No.15516405]

>drinking a cup of coffee out of my giant mug
>half finished when my mother drops round for an unannounced visit, so I put it down on the dining table and promptly forget about it
>20 minutes later, chatting with my mother in the kitchen about whatever inane shit she has on her mind
>suddenly hear a small voice behind me
>'daddy coffee!'
>oh fuck no
>turn around in time to see my 2 year old has found my mug
>she doesn't understand that when you hold a vessel full of liquid sideways, the liquid leaves the vessel
>she starts toddling towards me before I can even reach her and promptly spills cold coffee on the plush cream colored dining room carpet
>drops the mug in surprise, which doesn't break but spills the rest of the coffee for good measure
You'd be amazed how effectively you can avoid staining a carpet with coffee if you use half a roll of paper towels to immediately soak it up followed by drowning the effected area with most of a bottle of carpet stain remover. You'd only notice the stain if I was to point it out to you, I was terrified at the time that I'd be dealing with a giant brown stain on the floor for the rest of forever.

[Anonymous No.15516430]

>>15510727
Why do you savages wash your hands after handling your dick?
My dick is cleaner than my hands... so I wash my dick after I take a piss not the other way around

[Anonymous No.15516458]

>>15516430
Because americans don't have the self cleansing and antibacterial protective foreskin. They unironically remove it surgically at birth because of religion

[Anonymous No.15517098]

>>15516405
How did I end up on Facebook

[Anonymous No.15517548]

>>15516458
Americans have their foreskin removed because the Talmud tells Jewish people that their slaves must also be circumcised

[Anonymous No.15517613]

>>15512483
>You have to roll down the foreskin so the urine doesn't splash around at the tip
wow, is that why its expected you wash your hands after peeing? i just lower my boxers under my dick and start pissing

t. circumsized

[Anonymous No.15517622]

>>15517613
No it's because women need to but no one wants to single them out, your dick is unironically cleaner than your hands

[Anonymous No.15517673]

>>15517548
>because the Talmud tells Jewish
really? I always thought it was because of islam

[Anonymous No.15517865]

>>15510560
One time I accidentally a whole pizza

[Anonymous No.15517880]

One time, I was watching Alien Covenant with my friends in the theater and like a few minutes into the movie, my friend jittered at the dumbest jumpscare and ended up kneeing the popcorn and launching it back a few rows. It sucked and he felt super bad afterwards, but we were broke high schoolers, so we couldn't afford another bucket.

[Anonymous No.15517997]

>>15515788
Why do parents always have to be angry? She could’ve just said “I’m going over a speed bump, put down your juice” but nah it’s just yell at the kid and then basically force him to do the thing you yelled about. Yeah you can say she didn’t physically force him to drink it while she went over the speed bump, but do you really expect a child to have that presence of mind? Especially if he’s not even in a good position to look at the road and see the bumps? Fuck, women are awful.

[Anonymous No.15518003]

>>15516405
P-papa Sam? I-is that you???

[Anonymous No.15518026]

>>15514780
None of the physics of this make any sense.

[Anonymous No.15518034]

>>15516405
>she doesn't understand that when you hold a vessel full of liquid sideways, the liquid leaves the vessel
Anon I have bad news for you, your child is retarded

[Anonymous No.15518053]

>>15510675
happened to me before, it sucks

[Anonymous No.15519106]

>>15510560
>leaning back in chair, feet up on the desk
>nearly finished my cup o noodles, just sipping the broth
>shift my weight a bit then loose my balance
>aspie arm flings the cup towards my computer
>splash broth all over my computer, frying my graphics card

[Anonymous No.15519123]

>>15519106
How is that even possible?

[Anonymous No.15519154]

>>15519123
you ever drop something and your body overreacts trying to catch it and you end up just slapping it across the room? it's sorta like that

[Anonymous No.15519430]

>>15510607
>it's nice to talk to a reasonable man

[Anonymous No.15519586]

>>15510657
Nikocado?

[Anonymous No.15519994]

>>15519106
Lol that killed your GPU? I once had a can of coke drop off my desk, landing on top the top of case and the liquid fell right into the GPU. I took the cooler off it a little while (the spill happened years earlier) and finally cleaned the gummed up soda off. The PCB and mosfet casings are still darkly discolored where the soda dried, even after a 91% isopropyl soak and cleaning.

[Anonymous No.15521457]

>>15516405
This just made me wonder what it would be like to feed a child several cups of coffee a day from birth.

[Anonymous No.15521486]

>>15510749
men are vile

[Anonymous No.15521492]

>>15510560
not really eating, but boiling water splashed on my chest through yesterday when I was draining it and scalded me pretty good
doesn't feel as uncomfortable anymore after treatment but the redness is still there
pretty annoyed that it happened

[Anonymous No.15521518]

>>15510560
>Be kid
>Try to bite open a ketchup packet
>Pierce a hole
>Squeeze
>Trickles out
>Squeeze harder
>Trickles faster
>Squeeze harder
>Ketchup changes speed and direction entirely, laser beams right at my eye
>Hurts like a motherfucker

[Anonymous No.15521541]

>>15512623
>>oil
>>try harder
>>still have problems judging the other one
>>mfw
what did he mean by this

[Anonymous No.15521544]

>visiting my dad
>he made spaghetti
>its on a plate
>sauce is watery
>spilling danger is at critical level
>carrying plate
>forget about that one weird step in the middle of the living room because half the room used to be a garage
>trip
>OH SHIT NIGGA
>falling
>activate super cat reflexes
>spin around so land on my back
>position plate above chest
>angle plate to counteract the forward motion of falling
>reorient plate to level as hitting the ground
>all that happened was one noodle hanging an inch off the plate

To this day I have no fucking clue how I pulled that shit off.

[Anonymous No.15521547]

>>15517548
damn goy thats edgy

[Anonymous No.15521925]

>>15510560
>eating gyro
>walking to class
>underestimate softness of bread and meat
>chomp directly through tongue
>run to emergency room with napkins clenched over profusely bleeding tongue
>nurse at desk asks for info
>point to mass of blood-soaked napkin in my mouth
>"SIR, I NEED YOUR INFORMATION"
>give her ID
>"now what's the problem today?"
>POINT TO THE MASS OF BLOOD-SOAKED NAPKINS IN MY MOUTH
>"sir, I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wr-
>"I bit my fucking tongue!"
>spray blood everywhere
>nurse is seriously pissed and covered in blood
>sit down and wait 3 hours
>doc comes out
>turns out I stopped the bleeding by pinching it off for 3 hours
>"m'kay, you're good"
>I walk out like an asshole,
>really hungry
>just go home and eat beans.

[Anonymous No.15522350]

>>15521544
I want to see this in action.

[Anonymous No.15523657]

>>15521925
thinkin bout thos beans

[Anonymous No.15524732]

>>15521925
where do you live that you have to wait 3 hours to be seen at an emergency room

[Anonymous No.15524798]

>>15513381
Should've brushed her teeth

[Anonymous No.15526614]

>>15510607
>Wake up hungover
>Jump into shower
>Put tooth paste onto tooth brush
>Tooth paste flicks into my eyes

[Anonymous No.15526666]

>>15513886
That's bullshit. But i believe it.

[Anonymous No.15526694]

>>15514671
This is like Stand by Me.

[Anonymous No.15526875]

>>15524732
Where else but the US.
Got charged almost a thousands bucks for that 'consulation' too

[Anonymous No.15527971]

>>15517865
Madlad