/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.15507130]

what's your craziest experience while cooking?

[Anonymous No.15507144]

>>15507130
>Cracked an egg in a pan
>Half-formed, half-rotted chick and black sludge comes out
>Didn't eat till the next day.

[Anonymous No.15507148]

[Anonymous No.15507158]

>>15507144
>>Didn't eat till the next day.
niggerplease

[Anonymous No.15507201]

>>15507130
i threw a partially frozen piece of chicken into a hot oil pan.

[Anonymous No.15507221]

>>15507144
>Half-formed, half-rotted chick and black sludge comes out
I remember this happening when I was little and my mother was cooking
How the fuck does this even happen?

[Anonymous No.15507249]

>>15507130
Staged.

[Anonymous No.15507288]

>>15507221
It's extremely rare anymore. The sensors on the egg packing lines are very picky. Same thing with double yolks.

[Anonymous No.15507332]

>>15507130
I once had a pressure cooker explode while running the Boston marathon. Crazy

[Anonymous No.15507347]

cooked a whole turkey and forgot the neck and bag of giblets were in the cavity. besides a slight off smell i still ate the turkey anyway.

[Anonymous No.15507355]

oven caught on fire while cooking chicken

[Anonymous No.15507362]

>>15507144
That’s disgusting

[Anonymous No.15507443]

>>15507130
I always wanted a cute girl to cook for me naked wearing nothing but an apron

[Anonymous No.15507462]

>>15507221
Accidental fertilization. Had it happen with farm eggs from a friend of mine. Shit happens.

[Anonymous No.15507464]

>>15507288
Now they sell boxes of double yolked eggs it's so precise.

[Anonymous No.15507486]

>baking amish friendship bread
>pour batter into two loaf pans on baking sheet in oven
>wait then check on them
>overflowing and about to spill over
>panic, spoon the batter from both into another loaf pan
>loaf pans still overflowing
>oh god oh fuck
>fill an entire muffin tray with more batter from the loaf pans
>it rises then FINALLY stops
>it all bakes fine
I felt like Jesus multiplying bread

[Anonymous No.15507527]

>>15507221
Did you eat it?

[Anonymous No.15507604]

>>15507144
How long did it take you to eat an egg again?

[Anonymous No.15507619]

>>15507130
Orgasm from egg beater

[Anonymous No.15507751]

>>15507619
You put your dick in an egg beater? Why?

[Anonymous No.15507781]

>>15507148
i don' think i understand but i laughed

[Anonymous No.15507958]

>>15507604
A while, actually. I even had a nightmare about it. The stench was unbelievable, also.

[Anonymous No.15507984]

>>15507130
>Be teenage me living at parents
>they have old stove with attached microwave above it
>microwaving soup whole frying some potatoes
>pull the soup out and forget how hot bowl would be
>burns my hands so I instinctively drop the bowl
>it falls it my hot potatoes oil

That's how I started a grease fire in my parents kitchen

[Anonymous No.15508052]

babysitter microwaved chicken that was wrapped in tin foil
burned my house down

[Anonymous No.15508064]

At a glance, I thought I had burnt my croque monsieur, but then I took it out and realized it was actually right on the border, just shy of being ruined. Like a dark golden brown. I tried it, and it was one of the most delicious things I think I've ever had. Weirdly, it works that way with only just this one cheese. I tried it with other cheeses, and they just burn. I make it this way all the time now and it's one of my favorite things to eat. Not the craziest thing ever, but a really delicious accident all the same.

[Anonymous No.15508068]

Microwaved mackerel and made mackerel jerky and ate it

[Anonymous No.15508079]

>>15507486
Reminds me of the first time I made rice.

>Be me
>Age 10
>Fill a pot with rice
>Add water
>The rice keeps getting bigger
>Have to take some out and put more water
>Repeat until I have a big bowl full of rice in various stages of doneness and a pan with mush.

[Anonymous No.15508179]

>>15508064
What fucking cheese are you using?

[Anonymous No.15508216]

>>15508179
Velveta

[Anonymous No.15508250]

>>15508216
Based thx

[Anonymous No.15508257]

>>15508179
I'd tell you, but you wouldn't understand.

[Anonymous No.15508437]

>>15507249
CRISIS ACTOR!!FACT!!!

[Anonymous No.15509219]

>drunk and hungry
>decide to try and fry a schnitzel in oil
>I can't even remember what exactly my retarded ass was doing or thinking but as soon as the schnitzel hit the hot oil
>FWOOSH
>grease fire
>sudden moment of clarity
>quickly cover it with a teatowel, fire immediately goes out
>carefully pick up the pan, take it outside, put it down on the patio and leave it there to cool
>spend the next 10 minutes trying to clean up the soot marks from the range hood
That could have gone so much worse.

[Anonymous No.15509360]

>>15507144
isn't this a garfield strip

[Anonymous No.15509734]

>>15507332
Underrated

[Anonymous No.15509742]

>>15508052
Is this a true story tho

[Anonymous No.15509761]

>>15509742
Yeh

[Anonymous No.15509808]

>hungry
>decide to make “breakfast dumplings”
>fry the last 2 pieces of bacon
>in the grease pour in this thin mixture of flour and water
>fry it until it looks edible
>it sucked and tasted like nothing

[Anonymous No.15510006]

>>15509360
Now that you mention it I do remember a strip where Garfield cracked an egg and a half-formed, half-rotted chick and black sludge came out

[Anonymous No.15510072]

>>15507221
eggs are unborn birds, you know

[Anonymous No.15510339]

>>15510072
>eggs are unborn birds
No, eggs are eggs. An egg is a single cell. It is nothing more than an egg until it is fertilized, at which point it becomes an 'unborn bird' (an embryo, which develops into a foetus, which eventually becomes the bird that hatches from the egg shell).

[Anonymous No.15510346]

>>15510072
but the eggs from a supermarket are from groups of hens who have probably never even seen a cock. also most of them are pasteurized.
i guess he never specified were he got them.

[Anonymous No.15510360]

>Making some omelette or something in the frying pan
>Want it to be more filling so start adding shit
>Had a can of soy beans so I added some of that
>After a while
>PTINK
>SPLATTER
>PESPFT
>The fucking soy beans start literally exploding
>Shooting scalding hot greasy bits between my midsection folds and getting partially stuck
>The entire area around the stove has to be evacuated
>Keep hoping things will settle down and dont want to waste food so it keeps going
>Put on leather apron and just deal with it
>Finally done
>Put microwave splatter lid over plate for a minute to avoid secondary detonations
>It all tasted whatever
>Still finding bits of soy a little here and there, often farther away than my last search
I should had listened, I knew soy was dangerous.

[Anonymous No.15510434]

>>15508064
Gordon? Fuck off. The sandwich was burnt, the cheese unmelted.

[Anonymous No.15510550]

>>15507144
>chick is already half-rotted
>he waits until the next day to eat it
based retard

[Anonymous No.15510685]

>>15507130
Spend whole day cooking original French onion soup, veal bone stock and all.
Nobody likes the taste in family, too oniony, ends up dumped on kompost pile.

[Anonymous No.15510752]

>>15510685
Why didn’t you eat it yourself? Leftover soups taste even better. Pathetic stupid story.

[Anonymous No.15510764]

>>15507958
Did you throw away the pan?

[Anonymous No.15510782]

>>15510752
Because neither I liked the taste. It was truly onion soup.

[Anonymous No.15510787]

Forgot to add yeast to christmas bread while everything was done and in a large flat pan.
Dissolved yeast in water and massaged it in. It worked but turned out a bit weird.

[Anonymous No.15510822]

Well it's not really cooking but I once found a big ass splinter in my beer, pic related. I sent a complaint to the brewery and got an apology gift card, but they had absolutely no idea how it got in there.

[Anonymous No.15510841]

>>15510346
>groups of hens who have probably never even seen a cock
kek

[Anonymous No.15510996]

Couple stories from a former breakfast chef at a famous hotel chain, chef de partie at a couple of bistros and line cook at various restaurants.

>first day on the job as a line cook at a local bistro
>show up, get dressed and walk down
>the sous chef is on the floor of the kitchen yelling out orders
>blood is pouring from his hand
>took 2 fingertips off using the mandolin
>still screaming out orders as he's bleeding out on the floor waiting for the ambulance to show up

>thai restaurant, me and the chef were both there from day 1, set up the entire menu and organized the setup of all kitchen appliances
>restaurant owner is a business man and opened this restaurant for his wife because she wanted one, has 0 culinairy experience
>after a couple of months he hasn't made profit yet, we tell him that it takes a while before you make any money bc of paying off kitchen appliances and other debts involved in opening a restaurant
>he doesn't listen, cuts corners on the ingredients, switches out palm sugar for regular brown sugar
>we both quit because eventually he tells us to stop cooking from order to save time
>they started hiring 16 to 18 year olds instead of us to cut corners on staff costs
>2 months later the frying pan catches fire, owners wife picks it up to walk it to the back of the kitchen and slips on a patch of oil, dumping all of it over her face and body
>no one there with experience who knows how to handle the situation
>scarred for life
>still not making profit to this day

[Anonymous No.15511001]

>>15507332

[Anonymous No.15511011]

>>15510822
Probably some freak accident where you opened it and something came loose from your ceiling or whatever, making no noise as it exactly entered the can opening.

[Anonymous No.15511016]

>>15507332
What kind of williams sonoma over engineered pressure cooker can run the boston marathon?

[Anonymous No.15511025]

>>15510822
No wood in my ceiling, also the beer foamed over as soon as I opened it because it strange contents

[Anonymous No.15511382]

>be me the 13 year old cooking genious hungry at 11 pm
>heat up pan and throw in oil
>chop some onion while the oil heats up
>aight onions are done and oil is hot, realize i put in way too much oil so i take the pan off to go drain off the excess
>slip on a wet spot on the floor
>get oil all over upper chest
>was not wearing a shirt

and thats how i got familiar with the sensation of boiling oil on skin.

[Anonymous No.15511402]

>>15510996
>greedy stupid boomers get their comeuppance
this is a good thing

[Anonymous No.15511408]

>>15510360
>midsection folds
how fucking fat are you?

[Anonymous No.15511554]

>>15511382

post chest

[Anonymous No.15511614]

>>15510346
>groups of hens who have probably never even seen a cock
>tfw you’re a hencel

[Anonymous No.15513339]

>>15507144
What do you gain from telling lies on the internet?

[Anonymous No.15513398]

>>15507464
Where are you from? I've always wanted that but never seen it

[Anonymous No.15513424]

>>15509219
I don't quite get it. Was it frozen or what?

[Anonymous No.15513515]

>>15511382
show us the scars anon

[Anonymous No.15513771]

>>15511382
Had boiling oil fall fall on hand before. Treated a 3rd degree burn myself.

[Anonymous No.15513792]

>>15513771
Pics

[Anonymous No.15513793]

>>15510782
What the fuck were you expecting making a soup out of onions?

[Anonymous No.15513874]

>>15513398

Mayo, Yukon territory, but I hear it's fairly popular among body builders back on earth aswell lol.

Meme foods are fairly uncommon here as we dont have the audience or extra space, so I was fairly surprised to see us get it up here, was the same month we got avocados too. 1st time I saw it was like 2 yrs ago, bought it just to try and when I brought it home my mom said these were kind of like a sign of good luck back in the day, and that it could mean somone was gonna have a baby..I however dont love the yolk so these are really just twice as shitty for me. Now i have my own chickens and eggs are plentiful. We are swimming in various fresh seasonal delicacies so big city soy-oriented, vegetarian suitable, Faggot inducing, pre cooked, chemically processed, breaded, calorie crazy, obesity inducing, addiction garnering, salty, fatty SLOP you aids ridden homos down in AMERICAN citys like san Fran or seattle and portland just love on account of the fact your stupid cattle like mentality has made you prime targets for big buisness to easily convince you that your diet is oh so perfectly healthy, oh, and much more importantly, SUSTAINABLE, as long as it has a couple avocados on artisan bread you can forget about the 14 jalapeno peoppers you shoved back to quell your withdrawl related anger the corporations cleverly marketed as being "HANGRY.

NO thanks. not for me, I moved up here with my senpai to AVOID such a holocaust, you goyim can enjoy your estrogen packed faggot pills (eggs) I'm gonna feast on moose and blueberries as gos intended. I bet this thread will be FULL of proof of this injustice against my long lost bretheren


As f

[Anonymous No.15513880]

>>15513792
Yucky

[Anonymous No.15513883]

>>15513792
haha it looks like pizza!

[Anonymous No.15513895]

>>15513874

[Anonymous No.15514008]

>>15507144
what kind of based it this

[Anonymous No.15514471]

>>15510550
kek

[Anonymous No.15514599]

>>15513874
Dude you good? How drunk/high was the brain that posted this?

[Anonymous No.15514612]

When I was a kid, I tried cooking onions in Worcestershire sauce. It was foul, I threw up, and wasn't able to eat cooked onions for years.

[Anonymous No.15514640]

>>15510346
>hens who have probably never even seen a cock
you sure?

[Anonymous No.15514771]

>>15507144
Balut

[Anonymous No.15514891]

>>15513895
>>15513874

hmmm, land of the midnight sun got you a little on edge there bud? friggin snow niggers like you are all the same, gobbling up bluepills faster than you gobble up cock. Always badmouthing progress and innovation because your scared. you fear what you dont understand and that's why you will die cold and hungry in one of gods many wastelands, practically designed for unibombers like you to go hide away from thenworld. Good, stay up there and keep your stupid opinions to yourself, let us enjoy civilization without your raincloid hanging over us

[Anonymous No.15514924]

>>15507288
I see double yolks all the time. Just buy the biggest sized eggs

[Anonymous No.15514955]

>>15510072
>>15510339
>8th grade science teacher tried to tell us that all eggs had chicks inside
>only one other person in the class realized that fertilization still fucking mattered
>tried to ask her about it and she basically told us to shut up
American education is hell

[Anonymous No.15514978]

>>15513895
>>15514599

GOOD? I'm fucking great? How are you? is this your brain on Flouride? My words look like gibberish to you because your too used to seeing the Hebrew scripts played out in front of you ad-infinitum. Eat some moose and homegrown veggies for a month and you'll be typing the same shit on facebook for your family amd friends to see, I gurentee it. It's been proved through peer reviewed studies that konstantin-monsanto corporation food groups cause sympathy towards isreal and big banks and hostility towards Palestine when consumed regularily for more than 50 days. It's like the new covid "vaccine". One dose helps a bit but once you get that 2nd it builds up in your system and BOOM! IMMUNE! except in this case its BOOM, advocate for gmo's and spew some capitalist bullshit while you consume salt and msg in quantities considered toxic for zoo animals. You try and change it and your gonna get sick, it's called WITHDRAWLS, you can not break the cycle without cleansing your chubby Jewish body of what has been keeping it alive. Come up north, north of the "provinces", go to Alaska if you must be under uncle Sam's forskin (he chopped of hisnforeskin at the behest of his new Jewish overlords and stretched it into an cumbrella to keep his herd safe from wrongthink and ideas detrimentle to his destructive cycle of addiction and perversion) cumbrella (stay out of Anchorage, it's a bunch of social rejects who like the idea of a remote residence but dont actually want the reality or it) nd get ur body accustomed to clean sustenance. this is the single most important thing you will ever do its the single most effective strategy in my arsenal, a 2 million dollar life changing LIFESTYLE tip that I'M giving you FOR FREE, simply because i care about my fellow man. DO NOT force your children into living the sasamsasame fucked up life your parents birthed you into. Every chinese soul destroyed by the 1 child policy has been sent into a north american purgatory

[Anonymous No.15515294]

>>15508064
>Crock monster
What is that??

[Anonymous No.15515328]

>>15510339
My stupid fuck friends stupid fuck brother kept an egg in a shoe box with hay in it and a little light to keep it warm under his bed hoping for it to hatch and have a pet chicken.
He kept it for 3 weeks and got sad and frustrated when it wouldnt hatch, he was just tending to a rotten egg.
It would be cute if he was little but he was like 16

[Anonymous No.15515487]

>>15514978
yeah, you drink rain water and pure grain alcohol

[Anonymous No.15515716]

>>15513874
>>15514891
>>15514978
Based schizo fight

[Anonymous No.15515723]

>>15510685
I did the same thing except I ended up turning it into onion gravy and had it with pie and mash, which worked pretty well.

[Anonymous No.15515962]

>>15507144
Filipino detected.

Not even joking, they eat that shit up. Look up "balut". It's practically their national cuisine.

[Anonymous No.15515972]

>>15507130
Similar to >>15507144, was making cookies, cracked an egg into the flour and what came out was a giant bloody mess. No half-formed chick, just a "blood egg".

Never seen another one. I felt sad because it ruined the cookies I was making for a professor who was leaving school, I didn't have enough on-hand to make a new batch, and it was too late to go buy more ingredients. I never did get to make him the cookies. He was a great guy, gave a passing grade to my girlfriend even though she deserved an F.

[Anonymous No.15515991]

>>15515972
>gave a passing grade to my girlfriend even though she deserved an F.
Bro... Im sorry

[Anonymous No.15515994]

>>15515991
Exactly my thoughts lol

[Anonymous No.15516012]

>>15515972
>gave a passing grade to my girlfriend even though she deserved an F.
Get tested

[Anonymous No.15516047]

>>15507130
>Be me
>Single
>Cooking pasta with marinara sauce
friday evening
>Girl walks by window, compliments how good it smells.
>Talk to girl for a minute or two
>She leaves
>Excited
>Go back pasta
>In excitement take the whole top of chilly pepper shaker instead of leaving part with the holes.
>Proceed to dump most of contents of chilly pepper shaker into pasta.

[Anonymous No.15516056]

>>15509219
did you eat it?

[Anonymous No.15516183]

>>15516056
From what I remember I finished cleaning the soot off the hood and then said fuck it and ordered some top quality sloppa on Uber Eats from a local pizza shop

If you're ever in Adelaide, get yourself an AB. Good shit.

inb4 some filthy faggot east coaster comes and says 'ackchyually it's a halal snack pack'

[Anonymous No.15517476]

>>15508437
>implying reddifags don't fake images all the time for good boy points

[Anonymous No.15517676]

>>15510550
Hahaha

[Anonymous No.15517737]

>>15507130
cocaine

[Anonymous No.15517831]

>>15514978
>groggle goo groggle goo i like to diddle poo
Kys retardadard

[Anonymous No.15517836]

>>15513398
They sell double yolk eggs in Waitrose in the UK last I checked. Not particularly useful if you're not a bong though.

[Anonymous No.15517850]

>>15516183
>inb4 some filthy faggot east coaster comes and says 'ackchyually it's a halal snack pack'
I'm east coast and I have no idea what you're on about

[Anonymous No.15517855]

>>15507130
One time I was making eggs and I just snapped and

[Anonymous No.15517891]

>>15517855

[Anonymous No.15517922]

>>15507332
holy shit kek

[Anonymous No.15518014]

>>15513792
God, I wanna pick at that

[Anonymous No.15518092]

>>15513874
Imagine being so indoctrinated you vent talk about fucking eggs without going on an obsessed rant

[Anonymous No.15518978]

ignore Yukontard, NWTtard here.
Not all of us northerners are batshit crazy.

not totally crazy, but as a kid i got to skin and prepare caribou, then cook it at school. my stew was amazing, and the kid at the next station over made a massive grease fire.

[Anonymous No.15519016]

>>15514612
I like how the fat filter makes this guy look less freakish.

[Anonymous No.15519311]

>>15507443
Same desu

[Anonymous No.15519594]

>>15515972
>gave a passing grade to my girlfriend even though she deserved an F.
Sounds like a nice girl

[Anonymous No.15519621]

>>15507148
>computer: enlarge

[Anonymous No.15519768]

>>15508216
god velveeta is so fucking good