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/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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15425521 No.15425521 [Reply] [Original]

>In 6th grade and in the local youth orchestra
>Mom had made a huge number of hard boiled eggs for Easter and I ate about 10 leftover eggs from the time I got home from school to when my dad took me to practice that night
>Stomach and intestines were pulsing and churning as gas built up and moved around
>Ripped some sickening farts in the car and my dad yelled at me because the smell was so bad
>At practice
>Tried to time my farts to the loudest parts of the music
>Smell was sickening
>Kids were looking around and wondering where the awful smell was coming from
>The girls directly behind me kept giggling
>Got yelled at again on the way home in the car for farting and stinking it up
>Made my own bubble bath that night
>After I got out of the tub my dad yelled at me again because the sound of tubfarts was heard through out the whole house

It's been 10 years and I haven't eaten hard boiled eggs since. Should I give them another try?

>> No.15425544

My mom told me one time when i was a kid, she had people over, and i was tubfarting like a maniac upstairs and they heard everything.
As far as the eggs, i say try and beat your previous record.

>> No.15425549


>> No.15425555

I never saw the appeal of hard-boiled eggs, scrambled and fried are good tho

>> No.15425568

By themselves is kind of weird, but sliced in a cobb salad is simply epic

>> No.15425594

good thread

>> No.15425597

>work with face masks
>get to be near a fan that sucks air
it's so nice not having to worry about farts anymore

>> No.15425619

imaging being so fucking stupid you let your child eat ten hard boiled eggs and getting mad at them for it

>> No.15425866

Jesus christ i haven't laughed that hard in a while

>> No.15425872
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>> No.15425946

you can't control everything a kid does

>> No.15425974

Absolutely. Ease into it with some tuna salad or egg salad. Who wants to go through life without deviled eggs?

>> No.15426115

Egg farts smell so goddamn bad and they hang around forever. My dad eats hard boiled eggs all the time and spends 90% of his waking day puttering around in the basement and doing model train stuff, reading about trains, and watching train videos. His basement smells like egg farts and it’s revolting. He doesn’t even try to hold them in, he just lets them rip. My mom refuses to go down there, and I try to avoid going down there when I visit.

>> No.15426142

Also, don’t ever go on a car trip with him. He stinks up the car real bad with egg farts the first day of the trip. Once he starts his diet of car trip fast food and isn’t eating eggs, the car smells a lot better because he isn’t constantly dropping butt bombs.

>> No.15426162

6:15-6:30 softish boiled eggs are God-tier. The jammy yolks are perfect and never make me fart excessively. Once you nail the routine you‘ll never go back. I pay like $0.75 a dozen right now so figure a penny per gram of high-quality and delicious protein. Also, drinking raw eggs will never make you sick or fart and you will feel like you just shot a quarter gram of test after slugging 12-18 of them

>> No.15426163

>work in the kitchen in a brewery
>large dining room with patio
>hold large events every so often
>one of our apps was a beet pickled deviled egg
>make large amount of apps for "cocktail hour", might have been for a wedding
>don't go through as many as were ordered
>give the rest to the disher
>must have been at least 20 eggs
>he eats them in one night
>spends next day in shitter

>another event
>app is dill coated cheese curds
>once again, too many
>some are overfryed, coagulate into giant lumps of cheese
>take extras to back prep area
>hungry hungry hobos, aka waitstaff go to town on them
>one waiter is kind of a dumbass, a hockey player
>eats what has to be 3lbs of cheese and breading
>complains of stomach cramps for the rest of the night
>spends the entire next day in the shitter

>> No.15426166

On car trips he insists on only eating lunch and dinner at Hardee’s. It’s his favorite place to eat. We always ate his birthday dinner at Hardee’s growing up. Before he retired, he ate lunch at Hardee’s every single damn day during his lunch break.

>> No.15426178

this place also made some of the best belgian style frites i've had in my life, and i ate far more than i would care to admit
we served it with a spicy mayo, which was made with house made hot sauce (we even smoked the chilis), and house made mayo
the only things that weren't made in house were the burger buns, and we ordered the burger patties from a local butcher

>> No.15426190

Monk’s Cafe?

>> No.15426228

>buddy turned 21
>wanted to have a beer and bacon party
>8 guys hanging out in the kitchen pounding Keystone Light and frying up bacon
>went through 10 pounds of bacon
>his dad went to the store to buy us more bacon
>surfaces of the kitchen became increasingly greasy
>one friend burned his hand really badly with hot bacon grease
>we kept drunkenly frying up more and more bacon
>his dad went on another bacon run
>we were just pouring the grease down the sink

We ate so much goddamn bacon, a plumber later ended up having to fix the sink after one of those things you pour down the drain failed, and the dude’s mom was furious that he threw up on the deck. Overall an excellent 10/10 night.

>> No.15426231

kek try out beans this time

>> No.15426246

Holy Reddit. Cook the bacon in the damn microwave ffs

>> No.15426259


>> No.15426367

what's it like having an autistic dad?

>> No.15426378

nah they suck, pretty much the worst way to eat egg

>> No.15426399

>the dude’s mom was furious that he threw up on the deck.

>> No.15426443

He wasn't a fun dad to have as a kid at all. He didn't even pretend to be interested in anything we were interested in, didn't really play with us, and every time we went on vacation the whole vacation revolved around museums with train stuff, railroad sites, going to hobby stores to look at train stuff, and other train stuff none of us cared about. He'd go to our school events, but only because my mom made him. When other parents got together and my mom made him go he'd just sit there and not say anything. I honestly don't know why my parents got married and why they're still married, it's a bizarre marriage. As far as I know he's never had any friends or work buddies.

He's impossible to have a normal conversation with. He just mumbles, nods, or doesn't really answer. Trains are the only thing I know of that he can sort of have a conversation about about, although he can probably sort of talk about electrical engineering too.

His entire basement is filled with train stuff except for the part that has a couch, TV, Blu-ray player and VCR and a small table with a computer on it. He's got thousands of train books, model train books, train DVDs and VHS tapes, a huge amount of model train stuff, model train catalogs, train calendars, and boxes and boxes and boxes of pictures he's taken of train stuff at museums. He loves watching videos that show a train driving along the track from the engineer's perspective, but has zero interest in driving a train himself or playing train simulation games. Now that digital photography has mostly replaced film photography, he uses a digital camera but takes the pictures in to be printed off. He hangs on to every goddamn train book he buys, which means he's got things like old model train price guides that are out of date and worthless on the shelves too.

>> No.15426478

these people will never have children

just waifus and dogs

>> No.15426484

your dad sounds like my stepdad with the Hardees obsession.

>> No.15426489

Sounds like a good tactic to be left alone by your cunt wife and dipshit kid.

>> No.15426499

I do have children. If you make some stuff of which you know too much is bad, you tell your kid to wtch it or suffer, or better yet don't make lik 20 eggs as a singel serving to begin with. If you can't teach your kids to not be retarded, you shouldn't look down at dog people either. At least they can train their pets unlike people making up excuses about how "kids will be kids" when they fail in their parental obligations.

>> No.15426740

>At least they can train their pets

Yeah but they don't. I don't think I've ever met a competent dog owner and they use the same damn excuses over and over

>dog barking for 18 hours
>"dogs bark that's what they do!"
>loose 200 lb mutt knocks me down
>"awww he's just being friendly"
>dog shitting in my yard
>"all animals shit. Do you get mad when a squirrel craps in your yard too?"

Fuck dog owners. I purposely use coco mulch in my yard just to fuck with them

>> No.15426755
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I owned a german shepard and never had such problems. But than again, we lived in the country and dogs were seen as a "helping hand" on the poperty not emotional tampons and child-rearing ersatz. He was also called cadet and was raised by gramps which was in the navy, so no "he' just a doggy" bullshit. Basically it boil down to moderns being too retarded nd too little self-disciplid to explect the same from their pets and children. At least I can fuck up pet owners without going to jail and wont be working with retarded peoples crotch dropplings.

>> No.15426774

>I ate about 10 leftover eggs from the time I got home from school to when my dad took me to practice that night

>You must eat all the eggs

>> No.15426803

Is it bad I laughed at this? Anyway take my upvote!

>> No.15426906

How the fuck did he manage to get laid, let alone married and have a kid.

>> No.15426923

i live in a small butt fuck town and recently someone started leaving "poison meatballs" along the dog trail

it was all over boomerbook

>> No.15426927

They are a good way to take eggs on the go.

>> No.15426950

Never got why people do that. Stricks me as uch a cowardly behaviour. If you have a problem with a dog and their owner is retarded just off that specific dog instead of random animals.

>> No.15427107


> angery.jpg

>> No.15427144

this. I throw the poison meatballs into the owners yard whose dog I want to poison, not randomly though the neighbourhood like some psycho

>> No.15427154

Your mom is 100% cheating on him. But I suppose he doesn't care as long as he has his eggs 'n trains.

>> No.15427212

Exactly. Just get some quickl acting poison, no rason to make a stuipd animal suffer for his owners mistakes in training it. Those throwing them into the wid are probably just getting off knowing that they can impose suffering on random people. Killing random non offending dogs is also a pretty clear sign of being a honorary nigger. If anything just go to an animal shelder and put bulldogs on the express line to paradise.

>> No.15427217
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im on the case

>> No.15427219
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i ate a poison meetball and now i post here all day

>> No.15427224

wtf? Is this an american thing or something. I mean I have farted in the tub too, but not to the extend the rest of the house can hear it. Do you just have a shitty digestive system or are your houses paper thin?

>> No.15427235
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i fart in my tub and get an instant aroma of cooked brussel sprouts. its delectable

>> No.15427244

The later, why do you think they can punch holes in the wall?

>> No.15427278

>why do you think they can punch holes in the wall?
huh, they can? Are the walls literally made out of cardboard or something?

>> No.15427336
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>Are the walls literally made out of cardboard or something?
Whos going to tell him, guys?

>> No.15427373
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I like to put a couple of slices in em one and add hot sauce...might hard boil some later today and make some pastas.. and spiced up ride with the left over water..

>> No.15427551

Big. Ass. Dick.

>> No.15427559
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Do you think your mom makes choo-choo noises during sex

>> No.15427717

Anyone could hear tubfarts in any house, they’re loud!

>> No.15427732

did you know yuros dont take showers?
they fill up a bathtub in the morning and the entire family bathes in the same foul water in quick succession.
this is why they all wear heavy cologne and perfumes.

>> No.15427749

Well after what alledgedly happened it makes sense that they'd be afraid of showers.

>> No.15428245


>> No.15428274

You know she does. You know he wears an engineer's hat and refers to her ass as a "nice caboose" too.

>> No.15428429

Based dog killer. I hope you swing by my neighbours today.

>> No.15428633 [DELETED] 

its well know that only niggers, spooks and retards hate canines. just imagine if we exterminated those faggots like chinks do dogs...

>> No.15428653
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>> No.15429243

I don’t think he wants to fuck a train

>> No.15429327

Based American cardboard and plywood houses that cost 500.000 dollars

>> No.15429418

I can buy a home made of brick for $8,000 in the US.

>> No.15429975 [DELETED] 
File: 128 KB, 2560x338, you have no power here tranny.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]

neener neener peter eater

also die cuck

>> No.15430436

actually, anybody who likes canines is not empathetic towards other humans and that mentality literally makes you a n***r.
Let that sink in

>> No.15430463

Doesn't make any sense. Humans mad them their peferct companion for a reason. You sure, you're not melanized?

>> No.15430480

>why do people so much when somebody kills a dog?
>why do people don't give a shit about when other humans die?
You've been brainwashed to love dogs more than humans. Some day you will understand.

>> No.15430610

Should have been frying bacon grilled cheeses on the side in all that sweet delicious bacon fat

>> No.15430619
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Does he have any imitation crab?

>> No.15430630
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Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy weyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
fucking pedorros

>> No.15430734

Your dad still sounds better than mine because he actually has a hobby. Mine just sits around stinking up the living room all day. I swear to god, he deliberately gulps down foods that gives him the most rotten farts, everything from eggs to brussel sprouts.

>> No.15431143

Does he at least watch TV or something, or does he just sit there farting?

>> No.15431341

quality story, thank you. :) lol'd quite well

>> No.15431355

Your dad is based in his family-proof den of peace.

>> No.15431385

This guy gets it

>> No.15431672


>> No.15432004

Hardest I've laughed so far this year, thanks anon

>> No.15432043

How did your parents meet? I'm less autistic than your dad but I still can't find anyone.

>> No.15432061

College. I have no damn idea why my mom got married to him. She could have done a lot better.

>> No.15432113

you couldn't pay me to live in that $8000 brick house
don't think im so gullible, i bet it's in Flint or something

>> No.15432275

lmao i have a dad similar to this, down to the farting and everything. only difference is he does record collecting

>> No.15433110

My parents could, granted I suffered as a child

>> No.15433245

how did you retards think it was ok to dump that much bacon grease down the sink

>> No.15433270

Quads of truth

>> No.15433299

so am I to understand that hard boiled eggs are different from other methods of cooking because they can give you gas

>> No.15433319

I don't lov dog mor than humans, I see them as usefull companions for the seccurity and wellbeing of my family. But that dosn't mean I se a reason to make them suffer. I also don't torture other random animals or kill without a reason. Hating dogs is really just a sign that you'r not an indo-european. Maybe even a muslim, they are known to prefer cats due to toxoplasmosis being so rampant over there.

>> No.15433328

Heating is basically pre-digestion which changes the mak up of the egg. While eggwhite usually ar easily digestible whn heated, egg yolks are better raw or only slightly warmed.

>> No.15433394

I like to eat them whole with some lawry's seasoning, makes me feel like a serpent consuming an entire egg

>> No.15433399

It was truly easier to find a mate in the past.

>> No.15433426

holy shit I laughed harder than I have in a long time. Thank you anon

>> No.15433447
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This is the funniest thread I’ve seen years.

>> No.15433526

You do a lot of soldering?

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