/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.15304395]

Now we're ready to entertain some guests!

[Anonymous No.15304397]

>>15304395
Wouldn’t put orange slices on my cheese board like that. Everything is gonna taste like orange now.

[Anonymous No.15304402]

Me guest: (ew..... why didn't he order some pizza or something..) Gee, thanks!
Me: eats one cracker

[Anonymous No.15304403]

>>15304395
that looks like shit tbqh

[Anonymous No.15304404]

Where are the chutneys?

[Anonymous No.15304414]

>Posting some bored housewife's garbage from Plebbit

We don't need this here.

[Anonymous No.15304415]

>charcuterie

[Anonymous No.15304480]

>>15304395
Gonna need some tongs for that otherwise getting stuff out is gonna be a pain

[Anonymous No.15304491]

All that effort to make it look nice, when after a few picks it will be for naught.

Vanity of vanities...

[Anonymous No.15304553]

Looks nice op, I personally prefer boards with no borders tho

[Anonymous No.15304559]

>>15304491
Yeah well after you eat it it’s gonna become poop so I guess you should just eat poop then

[Anonymous No.15304718]

>>15304403
How so?

[Anonymous No.15304726]

>>15304395
thanks, but I'll stay at home

[Anonymous No.15304963]

>>15304395
Looks like a 'rona super spreader event about to commence.

[Anonymous No.15305048]

>>15304397
Those are mandarin slices, and the juice is retained in the membrane.

[Anonymous No.15305056]

>>15304402
I'm dead.

[Anonymous No.15305059]

>>15304726
lol like you had any other options anyway lonely boy

[Anonymous No.15305068]

>>15304395
Looks good but could use some vegetation like olives

I usually just pick up one of these from the corner store

[Anonymous No.15305074]

Is it me, or is the sausage in the upper left quadrant kind of a weird color?

[Anonymous No.15305079]

>>15304395
Are the snowmen edible?

[Anonymous No.15305101]

>>15304395

Not a single fucking olive or pickle.

0/10

[Anonymous No.15305178]

>>15304395
I pity you subhumans for being an inferior species. These ritz crackers are really nord nigger tier.

[Anonymous No.15305196]

>>15305178

[Anonymous No.15305202]

>>15304395
What are the cheese knives for? Everything is already cut up.

[Anonymous No.15305203]

>>15305196

[Anonymous No.15305209]

>>15305203

[Anonymous No.15305211]

[Anonymous No.15305217]

[Anonymous No.15305220]

[Anonymous No.15305225]

And now that you’ve seen how it’s done, stop posting degenerate trash ITT.

[Anonymous No.15305236]

>>15304395
Who the fuck taught you how to cut?
Those chunks are bigger than my thumb toe.
Take some time and learn to properly cut thin slices. Otherwise you are wasting both meat and cheese.

[Anonymous No.15305257]

>>15304395
Shark coochie

[Anonymous No.15305265]

>>15305236
How is it a waste? The same amount is used whether it's sliced thick or thin

[Anonymous No.15305271]

>>15304403
See? A fellow med master race anon posts a random picture of assorted cheese and cold cuts on a wood board rather than in a bowl like a third worlder waiting for his slop in queue inside a poor people shelter, and it instantly shows the difference between developed people and those who just put as much shit as possible on a plate without not even the tiniest amount of logic and method and call it a day.

[Anonymous No.15305283]

>>15305068
This anon straight ripped off and posted a 2D texture from some random videogame assets and feels like his opinion has value lmao

[Anonymous No.15305305]

>>15305265
If you think thick slices and thin slices taste the same you should stick to drive-thru food

[Anonymous No.15305539]

Bump for shaming

[Anonymous No.15305544]

>>15305265
>The same amount is used whether it's sliced thick or thin
The goal is good taste. If you make extremely thick slices then you're just wasting food as the same taste could have been obtained with a thinner cut.

As >>15305305 is alluding too, thin slices of meat and cheese taste way better than thick slices because it's not overpowering, but that's a bit too snobbish of a reason for me.

Thinner Slices = More Slices = More Tastes

[Anonymous No.15305675]

>>15304718
product looks poor quality, especially that salami or whatever you call that and the cheese

[Anonymous No.15305740]

>>15305271
No it shows the difference between people actually make stuff and people who shitpost.

[Anonymous No.15305746]

>>15305675
How does it look poor quality? Articulate your opinion a little.

[Anonymous No.15305776]

>>15305746
Obvious. They put shitty knives covered with Santa lead paint when everything is already cut. Low quality

[Anonymous No.15305831]

>>15305776
That’s not actually about the food. Talk directly about the food. Explain, without referencing the knives, why the food is poor quality.

[Anonymous No.15306457]

>>15304397
Wouldn’t call mandarins orange slices on my /ck/ post like that. Everything one is gonna know your stupid now.

[Anonymous No.15306464]

>>15304403
fuck me i'd eat like 3 of those rn

[Anonymous No.15306489]

>>15305831
>ugly wooden bowl
>ugly wooden table
>weird pattern
But most of all FUCK THOSE KNIVES

[Anonymous No.15306594]

>>15306489
He said food. Unless this nigga eating the tableware, I don't think that countsm

[Anonymous No.15306624]

Why is /ck/ so snobbish all of the sudden? The OP pic looks nice. I'd be very pleased if I saw that at a party my friends put together.

[Anonymous No.15306632]

>>15304395
This looks cheap

[Anonymous No.15306654]

I sell pre made boards in my third world country, easiest money I've ever made

[Anonymous No.15306683]

>>15304395
>why does everyone at this party smell of stinky salami breath?

[Anonymous No.15306933]

>>15305209
>shit baguette /10
>meme fruits like orange
>basic saucisson
I like the artichokes, and the poppy seeds on melted cheese (I'll do that when I'll make a raclette for NYE) tho

[Anonymous No.15306959]

>>15304395
Is that cheese or rubber?

[Anonymous No.15306968]

>>15306489
I accept your concession.

[Anonymous No.15307013]

>>15306968
I’ll argue his premise for him

Salami is pale, wet and sticky in appearance, and overly emulsified lacking distinct chunks of meat and fat. All of this points to it not being slow cured in a traditional method and an overwhelming flavor of lactobacillus starter cultures which are used by cheap mass producers to expedite the curing process

The cheese is of poor texture and clearly wasn’t slow aged; rather it’s plain to see that neither were cured for more than 30 days. Moisture content is too high and there is a complete lack of rind. Like the salami an excessive amount of adjunct starters were used or it would be incredibly bland but the adjunct starters are a poor facsimile of the real deal.

The grapes are out of season and will be bland and not quite sweet, mandarins can work with some cheeses but none of them are here, and there is a total absence of decent spreads like fine mustards or local honey as well as any pickled vegetables or cured olives of any kind

Wal mart/10

[Anonymous No.15307053]

It's going to be a long time before I eat one of these again. I don't want other peoples nasty ass fingers and breath and germs getting on food I may eat.

[Anonymous No.15307063]

>>15307013
You really had me going for a minute there

[Anonymous No.15307064]

>>15307053
Fuck it who cares

[Anonymous No.15307145]

>>15307063
I’m dead serious. That looks like a fisher price kitchen toy

[Anonymous No.15307170]

>>15305831
not him but I can try. Basically everything looks very young, a properly aged hard cheese would be more crumbly and there might be visible crystals. Havarti just isn't that great a cheese to begin with. Same with pepperjack in case that's what we're dealing with. If you want to stick to hard cheeses, you'd be better off with a gruyère de grottes or a nice comté. Also, replacing those crackers with a baguette or a fougasse might be a good idea, although that might just be personal preference. Same deal with the sausages, they look pretty young, pretty fresh, which is the reason you can get away with cutting it that thick. A harder salami would have to be thinner. Also, no mold, not a good sign. Fresh goat cheese is great but the cranberry thing is a little corny. Again personally I'd go for something a little older like grey owl or your local equivalent. Grapes are obviously a classic choice but I don't see the clementines working with anything else on the plate. You could go with a sharp cheddar and some quince paste or maybe some berries to accompany a roquefort. Ultimately though I'm being super nitpicky and your plate looks great, I would happily dig in

[Anonymous No.15307234]

>>15307063
while not being particularly charitable, he happens to be 100% right on every single point though

[Anonymous No.15307255]

>grazing board

[Anonymous No.15307259]

>>15307053
covid isn't real

[Anonymous No.15307322]

>>15307234
You’re right I was a dick; presentation was nice, except the cuts of meat and cheese could be thinner. There’s nothing wrong with your bowl or spreaders dunno what that autist was on about.

[Anonymous No.15307370]

>>15305068
>Unity asset
Where the fuck did you find image, the perspective is fucked up.

[Anonymous No.15307518]

>>15304395
Yup, but where is their portion?

[Anonymous No.15307539]

>>15304395
>no nuts
>no dried berries
>no blue cheese
>no apples
>orange
:/ big yikes of a cheese board

[Anonymous No.15307583]

>>15304963

based

[Anonymous No.15307592]

the op pic is a good attempt at presentation but the variety isnt great
it really is just like a lunchable they spent a half hour arranging all delicately

2 kinds of cured meat, 2 kinds of bread, 2 kinds of cheese, 2 kinds of fruit, and a supermarket cream cheese log

im not going to pretend im above that kind of thing, just calling it like i see it. could use sauces or spreads (maybe those are on the side), nuts, pickles, vegetables, preserves, etc

[Anonymous No.15307616]

>>15307013
this exactly

[Anonymous No.15307622]

>>15304395
I recognize those bread crisps
those are from Aldi aren't they?
also that cranberry crusted goat cheese

The whole board is from Aldi isn't it? based

[Anonymous No.15307713]

>>15304395
A yummy spread? Yes.
Would I dig in? Yes.
Good middle class fare? Yes.
Sophisticated, "fancy", "gourmet"? No.

I once brought a bad-ass cheese/charcuterie plate to a family dinner with a side of the family I'd never met. They basically said, "We don't eat this kind of food". Next time, I picked up a premade Hormel plate similar to OP's pic. They were almost as happy as my wallet, and I was fine with it too.

[Anonymous No.15307718]

>>15307713
>I once brought a bad-ass cheese/charcuterie plate

Do Americans really buy premade plates of charcuterie and cheese? Lmao

[Anonymous No.15307724]

>>15307718
>brought = bought.
Wow, and I thought American education sucked.

[Anonymous No.15307857]

>>15304395
wtf is that cheese plate? lol it's like your idea of charcuterie is that cheese plate they sell at sam's club or cosco

[Anonymous No.15308092]

>>15307857
Those strawberries aren’t ripe

[Anonymous No.15308105]

>>15308092
your strawberries aren't ripe

[Anonymous No.15308279]

>>15304395
>>15304403
>>15305068
>>15305178
>>15305196
>>15305203
>>15305203
>>15305209
>>15305211
>>15305217
>>15305220
>>15305225
>>15307857
I take the meat and the cheeese but man i eat that cheese and damn man the shits good lord llol

[Anonymous No.15308284]

>>15308279
this is a useless post and you are stoned af and we can tell

[Anonymous No.15308304]

>>15308284
yeah im high... high on life

[Anonymous No.15308578]

>>15304395
whats the bullshit over the cheese

[Anonymous No.15308595]

>>15306624
Bc everyone is overflowing with cynicism and irony and no one is honest anymore

[Anonymous No.15308848]

>>15306624
With those thick slices of hickory farms salami?

[Anonymous No.15308868]

>>15304395
those slices of salami are disgusting. What is wrong with you? Did a demented person prepare this?

[Anonymous No.15309039]

>>15305211
What is the turd looking stuff on the right?

[Anonymous No.15309370]

>>15307259
Whether or not that's true, the fear that it's caused is definitely real. Developed countries will never look at sharing food the same way ever again

[Anonymous No.15309374]

>>15304395
looks delicious except for the grapes

[Anonymous No.15309388]

>>15304395
I'll have some hummus thank you

[Anonymous No.15309476]

>>15304395
>that one person who uses their fingers and touches all adjacent pieces of food when they pick something up

[Anonymous No.15309542]

>>15309374

You’re a fag

[Anonymous No.15309626]

>>15309370
I made a cheese plate for Christmas dinner at my in-laws request. Most people aren’t spergs. Internet and TV is simulacra not real life. Out of all my extended family there was one story I heard of a couple being hyper spergs about it and we all laughed when we heard the story. The only thing we did different was skip the 150+ person holiday family party

[Anonymous No.15310361]

>>15305068
what is that steamrolled shit lmaooo

[Anonymous No.15310366]

>>15304415
Why are you even on /ck/, you fucking queer?

[Anonymous No.15310433]

>>15304395
>a huge bowl full of meat, cheese, and fruit
>38 crackers (exact figure)

what are you supposed to do with the leftover cracker toppings after your 38 crackers have been eaten

[Anonymous No.15310474]

>>15305068
You should be slaughtered, those are the most disgusting foods you could serve guests.

[Anonymous No.15310493]

>>15305209
Is that cat shit under the tomato at the bottom?

[Anonymous No.15310500]

>>15306683
Opposed to your stinky jizz breath Karen

[Anonymous No.15310528]

>>15310433
Have you never hosted? You hand bundles of packets of crackers on hand. You just top them up with a sleeve when they start getting low.

[Anonymous No.15310724]

what's the best meat?
i don't like pork much, do they make these but from cow?

[Anonymous No.15310731]

a lot of stuck up niggas in this thread

[Anonymous No.15310735]

>>15310528
>have you never hosted?
no i'm not an effeminate male

[Anonymous No.15310745]

>>15310724
Do they thinly slice meats other than pork? No, we dont have the technology yet.

[Anonymous No.15310746]

>>15310735
don't let your dreams be dreams

[Anonymous No.15310755]

>>15310745
that's really a shame. i hope that one day we're able to slice and cure beef in the same way that they do pork. if not in my lifetime, than at least for my children and grandchildren.

[Anonymous No.15310781]

>>15304963
Good. The vaccine was just shown to be ineffective so the only option now is herd immunity.

[Anonymous No.15310900]

>>15305068
Cused image

[Anonymous No.15310991]

>>15310781
What?

[Anonymous No.15311188]

>>15310433
lol

[Anonymous No.15311240]

>>15309370
Maybe Olives Pathe

[Anonymous No.15311246]

this >>15309039

was intended for this:
>>15311240

[Anonymous No.15311265]

>>15310781
As you know, but others may not, herd immunity is a term for collective immunity achieved via widespread vaccination. The term for a disease naturally circulating is outbreak.

[Anonymous No.15311304]

>>15309039
Looks like olive patè

[Anonymous No.15311314]

>>15304403
no cornichons? Looks good otherwise.

[Anonymous No.15311469]

>>15310366
he said defending his womenly desires to buy into the latest fad for faggots

[Anonymous No.15311473]

>>15310991
>>15311265
The vaccine doesn't work. A nurse who got the shot tested positive two weeks later. The only option now is to achieve herd immunity through general population exposure.

[Anonymous No.15311503]

>>15311265
>>15311473
I think I just got over a newly mutuated super low grade version. Didn’t have hardly anything respiratory but I had cramps and bloating for 4 days and shat straight stomach acid for one of them. Mild headache and some muscle soreness and joint pain too. Possible fever break one or two nights. Feel basically normal today. My in laws tested positive but had really mild symptoms too and my wife’s grandmother was the same story, she’s good now but ended up in the hospital out of an abundance of caution even though her symptoms were never serious. I think it’s quite likely the virus has already started retarding itself so it isn’t host lethal.

[Anonymous No.15311605]

>>15311503
>think it’s quite likely the virus has already started retarding itself so it isn’t host lethal
>US reports 3700+ covid deaths yesterday, a new record
Guess you better head back to F(au)x News, Infowars or Breitbart to get your confirmation that it's lethality is diminishing, little buddy.

[Anonymous No.15312108]

>>15311605
It’s more widespread too lethality is defined as deaths/infections

[Anonymous No.15312180]

>>15305056
h-how are you posting

[Anonymous No.15312189]

>>15312180
I'm connected through my routergeist

[Anonymous No.15312569]

Hipster bullshit. If I saw that at someone's house I'd grab all the salami and dump the rest in the trash.

[Anonymous No.15312578]

>>15312569
Didn't your handler warn you about having these tantrums in public?

[Anonymous No.15312603]

>>15312578
You're one of those niggas that thinks their shit don't smell, aren't you?

[Anonymous No.15312647]

>>15304395
looks good OP. i'd probably eat everything but that cheddar looking stuff. The cranberry goat, and the fancy fruit crackers i would demolish in minutes.

[Anonymous No.15312829]

Here's mine

[Anonymous No.15312867]

>>15311473
Huh?

[Anonymous No.15312875]

>>15312829
What are those rainbow colored worms?

[Anonymous No.15312886]

>>15304395
>infects you with corona
heh, nothin personnel, aunt Karen...