How to make counterfeit sausage?

[Anonymous No.15204956]

A little background info so this makes sense: I got blood work back on Monday and everything was fine except my cholesterol was high. Well not even really high, it wasn't flagged or anything just near the upper limit of normal. But this set my dear wife off and she threw out almost all "unhealthy foods" (that I liked) in the house and has put me on a strict diet.

But we had some expensive artisan sausage that she had bought from a saucissier last weekend, which she didn't want to throw out. So she said this was the last sausage I could have. I am having followup blood work done in six months and she said if my cholesterol isn't lower she won't even think about letting me have a child (despite promising me three years ago that we could have one before we turn 40).

We cooked the sausage tonight and she let me have half of one, and it was incredible: merguez, rabbit and hazelnut and duck with apricot and calvados. I could only have half of one so I went with the duck but I really wanted to try the others but she wouldn't budge. After she went to sleep I couldn't help finish the other half and then, lord help me, I ended up eating two more (one each of the other two kinds). I was practically in nirvana they were so good.

Now I'm filled with a feeling of dread and anxiety because I know I let her down but if she finds out I'm in a lot of trouble. I'm looking for how to make counterfeit sausage but all the recipes are for actual sausage and I can't go out and get casings and everything, it can only be what is in my house. They don't have to taste like the sausage just look like them. I'm thinking about taking them out of the fridge in the morning and making a big show of dumping them in the garbage. She'll be mad I wasted them but I'll tell her I want to be serious about our diet. Well my diet, she could lose weight (she'd kill me if she saw this) but there are some double standards in our relationship but that's neither here nor there.

Can anyone help?

[Anonymous No.15204960]

>>15204956
tl;dr

[Anonymous No.15204967]

>>15204956
i would dump her and eat sausages while impregating multiple women

dietary cholesterol has nothing to do with your heart and blood making its own way to kill itself, lol.

[Anonymous No.15204968]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qAp9nU-0yrw

[Anonymous No.15204972]

>>15204956
r/cuckold

[Anonymous No.15204978]

>>15204956
Divorce cuck

[Anonymous No.15204986]

I know this is 4chan but I didn't ask for comments about my relationship. The power balance is a little bit in her favor but to be honest I really don't mind and it's better than being foreveralone.

Please stick to the subject at hand, thanks =)

[Anonymous No.15205008]

>>15204986
Replace the sausage with your severed dick. That is, if your wife hasn't already thrown it away.

[Anonymous No.15205024]

>>15204956
I can understand her reluctance to have a child seeing how she’s already got one at home. Grow up OP

[Anonymous No.15205066]

>>15204986
Being alone sounds a hell of a lot better than your pussy-whipped existence.

[Anonymous No.15205083]

>>15204986
Forcefeed her your sausage until she learns to obey.

[Anonymous No.15205120]

1. Dump wife
2. Find qt twink on grindr
3. Marry twink
4. Buy Colombian surrogate child
5. Live happily until you die of CHF

[Anonymous No.15205236]

Be more assertive and tell your wife to buy all the food she just chucked out. Don't be a cuck.

[Anonymous No.15205372]

>>15204956
>throwing out food
not even a poor but that's just shitty behavior.

[Anonymous No.15205450]

>>15204967
>Dietary cholesterol has nothing to do with your heart

[Anonymous No.15205451]

is this copypasta?

on the off chance that this is genuine OP, you are fucking pathetic. tell your wife youll eat whatever the fuck you want, dont' be such an adult baby scurrying round trying not to get in trouble with mommy

holhy shit imagine the sex you guys have, you are repulsively pathetic

[Anonymous No.15205631]

>>15204956
In case this is real, I'll sit down with your wife and explain to her that you're an adult who's able to make his own decisions. Also, promise her that you will see a dietician, not a nutritionist, to see what you can and can't eat. You'll probably be fine with having a few sausages a week as a treat. Moderation is key.

The part about having children is troubling. See a marriage counselor.

[Anonymous No.15205645]

>if my cholesterol isn't lower she won't even think about letting me have a child
10/10 made me lol

[Anonymous No.15205721]

>>15204956
Pathetic