/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.14354866]

ITT: Grocery Store Stories

>go to the grocery to store to pick up some ingredients since I was going to cook a lasagna for my hot albanian date
>I zig zag through the isles grabbing all of the ingredients to avoid "him"
>when I slow down I try my best not to do the virgin walk and make myself a target
>as I get within 10 feet within the cashier I slip and slide on the floor right into a table with samples of glue
>The damned jester noticed me and pissed in front of the check out

[Anonymous No.14354901]

Every time I go to the grocery store old people are blocking the aisles I need to go down. They don't even make an effort to position their carts off to the side, they just block off the entire fucking aisle like they own it. I bet they're doing it on purpose because they know if anyone called them out, they could just act all sad and confused, "Oh woe is me I'm just an innocent senile old person being yelled at by some mean guy for no reason!" and incite everyone else against that person.
They're decrepit, tired, sick and demented, and they know their petty lives are finally about to end. But do they choose to die with dignity? Oh no, of course not. Gotta spite the young people while they still can. Gotta do everything in their power to make my life suck, just because theirs is practically over.

[*:･ﾟ ﾟ･: **:･ﾟ ﾟ･: * No.14354919]

>>14354901
Mabe you could help them get something off shelf.

[Anonymous No.14354940]

What would happen if you just walked out of the store with a cart full of stuff, would anybody even realistically try to stop you. I've always wanted to try, i feel like there are windows of time where nobody would even notice

[Anonymous No.14354953]

>>14354901
don't say anything. just cough.

[Anonymous No.14354978]

>>14354953
unironically this. Some hag was gawking at me and my family yesterday while we were unloading our canoe and she wouldnt go away. Started a fake coughing fit and she was gone in an instant. Stupid old people

[Anonymous No.14354989]

>>14354901
Whenever old people block the isle i just drop to the floor and start screeching and kicking

[Anonymous No.14355003]

>>14354953
based af

[Anonymous No.14355270]

>>14354901
Increasing life expectancy was a huge mistake

[Anonymous No.14355354]

>>14354940
It depends on the workers there. Some people t as ke the shit seriously, but you can get away with more than you think, but if they catch you by no means ever listen to a word they say, and never let them hold you or talk to you.

[Anonymous No.14355402]

>>14355354
The workers have absolutely nothing to do with that. Loss prevention is a completely separate entity within the stores and you probably have no idea who they are. In grocery stores at least they tend to be very discreet. I've worked in grocery stores and have even had to stand as a "witness" during their protocol when they've caught people.
In places like Target I've had very obvious loss prevention guys following me around (I'm not a thief but I like to browse, guess I just come off as suspicious) even out to the parking lot watching me leave.

[Anonymous No.14355523]

>>14354940
at safeway, the workers are not allowed to accost shoplifters. people have walked out with carts full of groceries all the time and nobody stops them. one employee at a store near me tried to stop someone and got pepper sprayed by them.
t. mom works at safeway, i worked at safeway, have friends who work at safeway

[Anonymous No.14355570]

>>14354940
I did this for years at walmarts and never got caught, but cameras and loss prevention fags weren't as common at the time. Would mostly steal meat to sell to some rednecks who were stupid enough to pay 75% of the full price.

[Anonymous No.14355581]

>canned goods isle
>gettin beans
>small child climbing shelves for spongebob macaroni
>breaks shelf and comes crashing down
>buried under cans
>no beans left
>wailing like an obese sheep
>mom screams
>trips and falls on kid
>crushes him even more
>mfw couldnt get beans

[Anonymous No.14355584]

>>14354901
Just say "excuse me" and move the cart out of the way if they're too busy to move it. Jesus fucking christ.

[Anonymous No.14355621]

>>14354866
>Go to the vegetables section
>Just need some onions
>Big box full off spoiled vegetables to the side they are taking out
>Grab onion
>Clearly spoiled
>Put it in the rotten pile
>Grab another onion
>Smell it
>Smells like fucking shit
>To the mountain of for it goes
>Grab another onion
>Squish it
>It collapses like a tomato
This goes on for a while
Realize that all their produce is clearly off
Realize I'm doing their fucking jobs for them because they are too lazy to
Get pissed, leave store without buying anything
It was almost as bad as the every pineapple is rotten Bonanza, why do stores do this? Don't they realize consumers will end up buying somewhere else?

[Anonymous No.14355625]

>>14355402
Once again it depends on the store, and the people there. You are right about the bigger stores. Often times in the city there will even be cops there.

[Anonymous No.14355636]

>>14354866
It's a the line manager is a short chubby girl with big boobs and a tomboy voice and I have run out of excuses to talk to her after returning the same bread three times in a row episode

[Anonymous No.14355643]

>>14355621
>Be me, wagecuck producefag
>Trying to do my job
>Customers keep parking their carts in front of where I'm working and invading my personal space
>Don't really care, getting paid by the hour so just stand around until they finish
>Other customers just keep piling up so it's a giant cluster fuck
>Get bored of waiting and hate standing around too long
>Fuck off and find something else to do until they all go away
That's why that happens

[Anonymous No.14355977]

>>14354940
You can absolutely do it, but you're pretty much blacklisted from that store from that point on. If the owners are pissed enough, they pass around your face to other stores in the area. Crime doesn't pay.

[Anonymous No.14356384]

>>14354940
If you get caught make sure you run
And also don’t be surprised if your picture is in the paper at some point
I used to do this . It was exhilarating

[Anonymous No.14356408]

>>14354940
Depends on the workers. I literally walked away with a 40 pack of water from Walmart.

[Anonymous No.14356445]

>>14354940
the trick to stealing stuff is to be quick, just go in and take what you want, lp won't know what hit them

[Anonymous No.14356449]

>>14355584
>>14355584
>move the cart out of the way
Could get you punched in the face if you do it to the wrong person.

[Anonymous No.14357527]

>At the groceryplex
>Pick up 4 crates of beer
>At check out, put just one bottle on the counter and tell the cashier I got 4 crates
>he rings it up as 4 bottles instead
>'that will be uhh... 3 merkelshekels?'
>he's visibly confused
>knows he fucked up
>clearly on his first day or something
>too affraid to correct himself
>I'm usually a decent person and would correct him myself
>cashier sweating and fumbling with the till
>look at boomer behind me, he winks and gives me finger-guns
>lel
>whatever, 4 crates for 3 merkelshekels it is

[Anonymous No.14357545]

>>14355977
>Crime doesn't pay
It did for Escobar

[Anonymous No.14357658]

>>14354919
I made that mistake once. Old lady was a Mormon and took my arm and didn't let go for 20 mins until I faked a phone call to escape her ramblings about all the 'good boys' I would find at her church.

[Anonymous No.14357710]

>be shopping
>in and out real fast because I'm a man and I know what I need to cook my meals
>hear high pitched screaming
>turn around and see the supermarket jester took a cart away from a woman and is spinning it in circles like a dreidel
>there's a kid in the cart screaming
>the car is so unbalanced it starts wobbling and tipping over
>everyone looks on in horror sure that he kid is gonna get brained against the floor
>jester grabs the cart and brings it to a halt
>for one brief moment everyone is relieved that we didn't just witness a homicide
>kid pukes everywhere
>everyone laughs and takes out their phones to take selfies with the kid
>some shoppers lay down on the ground and take selfies with the puke
>kid is crying
>after paying for my shit I see the kid and mom heading for their hybrid
>the jester happens to be nearby, so I give him a silver dollar and tell him to go do it again
>his smile is gone
>his eyes hold mine own
>this is what he says to me:
>"You fool. Do you believe your money can move mountains? Do you wish you were adored by all? Do you think that because you believe in goodness you will be saved? Know that I too once believed as you do."
>then he threw my money on the ground and chased the kid and mom around the parking lot making indian battle cries

[Anonymous No.14357723]

>>14357710
Should have paid the Jester to do the indian battle cries. Then, and only then, would he have done it again.

[Anonymous No.14357771]

>>14357658
post pusy

[Anonymous No.14357779]

>>14357527
I bought 4 bottles of imported beer, 40 cents each
I asked the price at the register, they sent some clerk to check it out and they honored their fuck up
Of course that was at the asian market, any chain would have thrown a tantrum and refused to sell it