Un-Food

[Anonymous No.14080469]

Stuff that claims to be food but actually isn't. I'm always fascinated by this stuff and have never been able to figure out who the target market actually is.

[Anonymous No.14080474]

>>14080469
Does this packaging imply that a former version didn't melt?

[Anonymous No.14080480]

>>14080469
the mongrel denizens of the burgerpunk hives, who usually purchase it using electronic "EBT" credit chips

[Anonymous No.14080486]

>>14080474
Correct, now it melts.

[Anonymous No.14080491]

>NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!! IDZ NNAAAAAWHT FUUUUUUUHHHDDDD!!!!!!!!
kill yourself

[Anonymous No.14080494]

>>14080469
if I saw this during a routine grocery shop, I would buy it
too bad I buy from a grocer that stocks food

[Anonymous No.14080501]

>>14080494
Look at this "nutrition". What kind of fucking sorcery is this?

[Anonymous No.14080511]

>>14080494
>Ingredients*: Purified water, vegetable fiber, sea salt, corn starch, xanthan gum, natural roasted peanut flavor, natural peanut extract, caramel color, lactic acid, sodium benzoate (to preserve freshness) sucralose, FD&C yellow #5, #6.
It sounds intriguing, yet horrible

[Anonymous No.14080519]

>>14080494
>>14080501
I googled Walden Farms and their whole lineup is like this.

[Anonymous No.14080528]

>>14080494
We stock this at work and my curiosity is slowly getting the better of me.

[Anonymous No.14080531]

>>14080501
>>14080519
"vegetable fiber"
I was about to say it might be psyllium husk powder but there's 0g fiber

[Anonymous No.14080532]

>>14080494
>>14080511
>water and vegetable fiber
So it's blended up cucumbers dyed brown

[Anonymous No.14080534]

>>14080528
feel like it would ultimately taste like nothing
part of the satisfaction of peanut butter is the fat content
probably tastes like salty, peanut-butter flavored nothing

[Anonymous No.14080535]

>>14080501
>eating food without calories
For what purpose

[Anonymous No.14080536]

>Ingredients*: Purified Water, Vegetable Fiber, Salt, Xanthan Gum, Cellulose Gel, Romano and Parmesan Flavors (Non Dairy), Sour Cream Flavor (Non Dairy), Food Color, Lactic Acid, Butter Flavor (Non Dairy), Natural Flavors, Garlic Powder, Black Pepper, Sodium Benzoate, Potassium Sorbate (To Preserve Freshness), Sucralose, Beta Carotene.
MAMMA MIA

[Anonymous No.14080540]

>>14080532
cucumbers are a fruit, my dude
it's probably cellulose

[Anonymous No.14080542]

>>14080534
Yeah it would probably taste pretty empty. One way to find out though.

>>14080535
>Americans

[Anonymous No.14080544]

>>14080535
morbid obesity

[Anonymous No.14080549]

>>14080469
aliens

[Anonymous No.14080550]

>>14080536
>Romano and Parmesan Flavors (Non Dairy)
>Sour Cream Flavor (Non Dairy)
Where does the fucking flavor come from? You can't say you "added flavor" and leave it at that.

[Anonymous No.14080551]

I dunno about their other products but this stuff is pretty good. I use it whenever I make pancakes since the fewer calories I get from syrup the more pancakes or other foods I can eat.

[Anonymous No.14080567]

>>14080540
FDC defines cucumber as "Other vegetables and combinations" so I don't think they have to call it a fruit on ingredient lists

[Anonymous No.14080568]

>>14080494
>>14080551
Walden farms is definitely hit or miss. Some of the stuff I like, such as the caramel syrup, maple walnut syrup, and strawberry syrup but other things like that peanut spread are absolutely vile. But yeah it's good if you're dieting. It's made of weird stuff but I don't really care it tastes close enough to the real thing and is 0 calories.

[Anonymous No.14080574]

>>14080568
Instead of slathering your pancakes in mystery goop, couldn't you just not eat pancakes? Or eat LESS pancakes?

[Anonymous No.14080578]

>>14080567
fair point

[Anonymous No.14080580]

>>14080550
https://www.adv-bio.com/cheese-flavor-range-food-products/
Just like Mother used to make.

[Anonymous No.14080582]

>>14080550
Probably really convoluted synthesized compounds which require an entire paragraph of text each

[Anonymous No.14080584]

>>14080582
It's just some good old C11H20O4, like my grand pappy made.

[Anonymous No.14080585]

>>14080574
I eat protein pancakes (low fat, low carb, high protein), they are themselves imitations of the real thing but they help me crush a craving and they keep me full.

[Anonymous No.14080586]

>>14080582
is this one of those "beaver anal gland secretion" things?

[Anonymous No.14080589]

>>14080585
>tfw eat whatever I want just less of it
>lose weight and satisfy cravings
must suck to have an eating disorder

[Anonymous No.14080591]

>>14080586
These ones come from gopher anus. Completely different

[Anonymous No.14080593]

>>14080474
welcome, newfriend.

[Anonymous No.14080596]

>>14080591
>gopher anus
I don't even know her!

[Anonymous No.14080599]

>>14080589
Well I've lost about 100 lbs. so yeah I do have a history of disordered eating. But the difference is I'm making it now.

[Anonymous No.14080601]

>>14080596

[Anonymous No.14080608]

>>14080599
you should be proud of yourself unironically

[Anonymous No.14080622]

>>14080599
Proud of you anon. Good job!

[Anonymous No.14080628]

>>14080596

[Anonymous No.14080629]

>>14080501
it's flavored film, essentially.

[Anonymous No.14080652]

>>14080574
Sometimes you want pancakes or a waffle. Unless you're chugging a bottle of the stuff every day I doubt it's gonna do you more harm than the corn syrup most people put on their pancakes.

[Anonymous No.14080737]

>>14080652
I'm saying instead of 4 pancakes with fake syrup, maybe eat two pancakes with real shit.

[Anonymous No.14080752]

>smear lard on bread
>call it a "snack"
DO AMERICANS REALLY?

[Anonymous No.14080758]

>>14080652
>>14080737
>>14080574

[Anonymous No.14080805]

>>14080752
So do easter europeans and northern europeans.

[Anonymous No.14080915]

Yum so healthy.

[Anonymous No.14080938]

>>14080752
>americans
>that filename
try harder next time

[Anonymous No.14080945]

>>14080938
Well you responded, so...

[Anonymous No.14080961]

>you know what this fishcake needs?
>yeah, a fucking tonne of mayonnaise just slathered all over it
HOLY SHIT, AMERICANS ARE A JOKE.

[Anonymous No.14080971]

>fish, cheese, eggs, and globs of mayo
>yep, that's a mighty fine looking "salad"
AMERICANS, EXPLAIN YOURSELVES.

[Anonymous No.14080975]

>>14080501
>Vegetable fiber
>Corn Starch
>Sucralose

It'll make you shit your brains out

[Anonymous No.14080995]

>>14080599
.

[Anonymous No.14080997]

>>14080585
Just have pancakes with Irish butter & maple syrup. WTF is wrong with you?

[Anonymous No.14081062]

>>14080995
...

[Anonymous No.14081079]

I don't get stuff like this.

[Anonymous No.14081100]

>>14080599
Nice, keep at it bro

[Anonymous No.14081157]

>>14081079
why does this have to be so pretentious

[Anonymous No.14081213]

>>14080961
>>14080971
no one even knows what the fuck these are you stupid faggot, shut up

[Anonymous No.14081336]

>>14081157
Obnoxious is the word you're looking for.

[Anonymous No.14081444]

>>14081213
>seething lardtard defending his "food"

[Anonymous No.14081454]

>>14080519
I did too thinking maybe it was a byproduct of stuff they used after making juice. Use the veggie pulp and water to make... this. But no, just weird sauces and dips. So you still couldn’t probably eat it if you had a nut alleegy.

[Anonymous No.14081577]

>>14080752
>>14080961
>>14080971
mutt cope
kys fatass

[Anonymous No.14081633]

I've never seen this shit before. Is it a regional brand?

[Anonymous No.14081646]

>>14080596
hey dad

[Anonymous No.14081656]

>>14080474
It doesn't even say "cheese" anywhere on the package

[Anonymous No.14081930]

>>14080737
The 4 pancakes are gonna be way more filling and the fake syrup tastes as good as any other table syrup.

[Anonymous No.14082002]

>>14080501
>that insane sodium content

[Anonymous No.14082024]

>>14082002
How the fuck is 105mg of sodium per serving insane?

[Anonymous No.14082036]

Reminder that the Chili/Cheese machine at your local 7/11 is actually free. But sane people only use it after they've paid the 2 bucks for the nachos.

If you particularly hate yourself you can go in and just pump that shit without any repercussions.

Since we're already in a thread about Un-food.

[Anonymous No.14082039]

>>14082024
Oh mutt...

[Anonymous No.14082057]

>>14082039
Retarded europoor. Get some food in you, you sound skinnier than the refugees that are overtaking your country.

[Anonymous No.14082097]

>>14082036
in the summers of around '13 to '16, I used to eat 7/11 nachos all the goddamn time. Their chili is pretty good, but Dear God. The cheese. It is vile even compared to standard artificial nacho cheese spreads. Do not. Ever. Eat.

[Anonymous No.14082101]

>>14082097
In the summer of 92 I had a mean burn in me backside

[Anonymous No.14082117]

>>14082036
Europeans will never understand

[Anonymous No.14082271]

>>14080596
kek

[Smith No.14082556]

I remember a drink called Sunlight that was like OJ but wasn’t. Tasted like crap. It’s not juice. Is there still a market for shit like this?

[Anonymous No.14082569]

>>14082101
was it a dark burn?

[Anonymous No.14082577]

>>14082036
>>14082117
Wait, that machine is for the nachos? I always put it on my hotdog, with jalapenos and onions.

[Anonymous No.14082585]

Back when I was a kid there was no mandatory ingredients list or nutrition information. You just saw some shit that looked liked peanut butter and bought it for 99 cents.

[Anonymous No.14082715]

>>14080961
this east euro fish salad is surprisingly great

[Anonymous No.14082727]

>>14080469
It's pre shredded cheese with sawdust coating on it that keeps it from molding quickly, as shredded cheese would, which also keeps it from melting properly

How fucking dense are you

[Anonymous No.14082732]

>>14082727
>It's pre shredded cheese
wrong
the word "cheese" is not present anywhere on the packaging, so the makers are probably legally not allowed to call the product cheese

[Anonymous No.14082802]

>>14082732
Ok, so it's cheese like dairy product that is probably cheaper by 50 cents than the stuff that calls itself cheese

[Anonymous No.14082817]

>>14080501
it's a comedy prop, they paint the interior of the bottle in brown and when you open it there's a plastic peanut on a spring that comes out.

[Anonymous No.14082854]

>>14080961
>>14080971
I know you're shitposting but Russians consume unholy amounts of mayonnaise.
One of my coworker puts a heaping tablespoon of mayo on bread to eat with his lunch, every day.

[Anonymous No.14082870]

>>14080599
Good for you, man. Keep it up.

[Anonymous No.14082920]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiC2Jh7B-kE&list=PLYRx9e6PeSoLBdLm2b4hn_k4SUx02-IMO

[Anonymous No.14082931]

>>14082556
Like a knock off sunny D? I've seen purple drink around but I havent seen orange nigger juice in almost a decade I think.

[Anonymous No.14083150]

>>14080469
>Energy 80
What

[Anonymous No.14083158]

>>14080474
How Lovecraftian.
NIGGERMAAAAN SAVE ME AAAGH

[Anonymous No.14083274]

>>14083150
They're starting to use joules instead of kcals

[Anonymous No.14083316]

>>14080501
>to preserve freshness
I'm surprised this shit might actually expire.

[Anonymous No.14083317]

>>14080469
someone post that starbucks mega coffee drink with crustaceans in it

[Anonymous No.14083319]

>>14083274
what the fuck is a juul?

[Anonymous No.14083331]

>>14083319
something your mom smoked while pregnant therefore birthing you retarded

[Anonymous No.14083336]

>>14080469
"now melts!"

[Anonymous No.14083525]

>>14080961
>that wine bottle

[Anonymous No.14083534]

>>14080551
how do you make sugar syrup calorie free

[Anonymous No.14083541]

>>14083534
You make it with artificial sweeteners instead of sugar.

[Anonymous No.14083548]

>>14083541
must taste like shit

[Anonymous No.14083653]

>>14083548
And worse, makes your shits into something terrible.

[Anonymous No.14083787]

>>14080474
I noticed that too. I guess before it just caught on fire.

[Anonymous No.14083810]

>>14082802
Your pic is cheese. It just tastes bad because it's covered in either potato starch or sawdust to "prevent caking". Price you pay for being a lazy fuck who can't arse himself to grate some cheese.

[Anonymous No.14083907]

>>14080945
so did you, dipshit.

[Anonymous No.14085032]

>>14080501
That can't be good for your digestive system.

[Anonymous No.14085035]

>>14085032
That's the thing, it's undigestable. It just passes through.

[Anonymous No.14085148]

>>14082577
There's a picture of nachos on it you fucking retard

[Anonymous No.14085490]

>>14080469

the sunny acres logo looks legitimately like a comedy tim and eric brand

[Anonymous No.14085548]

>>14085035
Does it give you monster shits?

[Anonymous No.14085569]

>>14082931
Purple drink is for pussies

[Anonymous No.14085893]

>>14085569
>colored vegetable oil

[Anonymous No.14086037]

>>14085893
>Brominated vegetable oil (BVO) is a complex mixture of plant-derived triglycerides that have been reacted to contain atoms of the element bromine bonded to the molecules. Brominated vegetable oil is used primarily to help emulsify citrus-flavored soft drinks, preventing them from separating during distribution. Brominated vegetable oil has been used by the soft drink industry since 1931, generally at a level of about 8 ppm
I learn something new every day

[Anonymous No.14087223]

>>14080501
If you ate tons of this would it actually sate your hunger?

[Anonymous No.14087239]

>>14080536
mm great i can pair this with one of the most carbohydrate and calorie dense foods known to man

americans are retarded at everything except inventing genius ways to augment their retardation

[Anonymous No.14087250]

>>14086037
>>14085893
>>14085569
>memory loss and skin and nerve problems after drinking excessive amounts (more than 2 liters a day) of soda containing BVO

[Anonymous No.14087263]

>>14082556
Anon... try reading the bottle next time

[Anonymous No.14087275]

>>14087250
>bromine appears to build up in the body.

[Anonymous No.14087398]

>>14085569
>0% Juice

[Anonymous No.14087441]

This is the first time a thread has made me laugh out loud in a long time. Thanks anons

[Anonymous No.14087619]

>>14083158
How did you manage to fuck up the use of a joke as simple and stupid as this one?

[Anonymous No.14087621]

>>14080469
>NOW MELTS
wtf

[Anonymous No.14087638]

>>14080469
People who just see the price and don't realize it's not actual food until they get it home. Also they fucking lie, that shit does not melt.

[Anonymous No.14087648]

>>14082727
It isn't cheese at all you dumbass.

[Anonymous No.14087657]

How do you actuaklly go about differentiating the glorified whey shavings from the actual cheese from the packaging and the price alone?

[Anonymous No.14087675]

>>14080469
Its actually easier than it seems. This kind of product are researched first for industry to cut cost on expensive product in this case cheese.
When they actually invent their "no cheese cheese" (thought they cant label it cheese for legal reason) they compare and promote difference with the initial product.
In this case less calories than cheese ! (healthy)
You can put more for as much calories so it's "cheesier" .
Ect...

Once you've been selling it to industrials that have proven people don't mind the replacement. You target both the poor and the stupid who can t read a label and think they buy cheese.

Same way they did for margarine and butter.

[Anonymous No.14087678]

>>14080585
"Crush a craving"
Who the fuck talks like that? Get a fucking life

[Anonymous No.14087689]

>>14080536
"Walden Farms" is literally completely fake food deliberately marketed to anorexics. It's deliberately vile so they can pretend to eat and have an excuse not to really eat. Lots of it has zero calories, carbs or anything with any nutritional value.

And when I say marketed to anorexics I mean they literally used to buy ads on pro-ana websites.

[Anonymous No.14087690]

I know this shit well, I sell it in the dollar store I work at.
I'm not even sure anyone actually buys it.
I tried a pack of their "cheese" slices when I couldn't get any at the start of the panic buying, and my god it was awful.
My standards aren't that hard to beat, but they didn't come close.

There's this cookie spread I've been eyeing for a while.
It's worth a dollar just for the knowledge, I suppose.

[Anonymous No.14087692]

>>14087239
People who buy that shit are anorexics. They don't eat it on pasta. They use that fucked up konjac noodle shit also with zero calories and carbs. Literal completely fake food.

[Anonymous No.14087695]

>>14087690
>There's this cookie spread I've been eyeing for a while.
Wtf is "cookie spread?"

[Anonymous No.14087699]

>>14085569
To think there are people who give this to their kids

[Anonymous No.14087700]

>>14087689
Thats fucking evil ):

[Anonymous No.14087704]

>>14087695
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BZsIY6PUPU
Here's the explanation for a namebrand version.

Really it's cookies, powderized and mixed with vegetable oil.

[Anonymous No.14087801]

>>14087704
I'd like this more if they actually used that as an ad.

[Anonymous No.14087836]

>>14087250

>and people wonder why niggers are so stupid

[Anonymous No.14087897]

>>14082854
russians also put mayonnaise or sour cream in literally every single soup (hot or cold) they eat (which they tend to do as an appetizer to any 2-part meal). It's revolting

[Anonymous No.14087913]

>>14087897
My, once again, coworkers put mayo in their borscht and it's disgusting.
Just because it's white doesn't mean it's a replacement for fucking sour cream. It doesn't even dissolve in the soup properly, you're left with little globs of mayo floating in the broth.

[Anonymous No.14087932]

>>14080469
Honestly the most surprising thing about this is that it needs to be refrigerated

[Anonymous No.14087935]

>>14082556
>>14082931
yeah knockoff sunny D. Had a hick ex boyfriend whos family was on food stamps and they would drink gallons of tampico every week.

[Anonymous No.14088281]

>>14085893
I'm not a furry, but I kinda wanna have sauce.

[Anonymous No.14088283]

>>14087619
Cause I tried to force it in an inappropriate context.
Try and keep up pal.

[Anonymous No.14088287]

>>14087675
Margerine was made as a straight up replacement for butter though.

[Anonymous No.14088290]

>>14087689
>pro-ana websites
The internet really is not a good place for the mentally ill.

[Anonymous No.14088332]

>>14080491
Imagine actually thinking like this, peak pleb

[Anonymous No.14088349]

>>14087689
Woah what the fuck? Do you have any pics of said ads? Did Walden Farms ever get called out for that?

[Anonymous No.14088381]

>>14087913
my mother unironically believes that mayonnaise is american sour cream despite having lived here for 30 years

[Anonymous No.14088389]

>>14088287
Yes a cheaper replacement to butter both for the army and the poor.

The first recipe for margarine have little to do with current ones too.
Now we have "New & Improved" formulas that "Now Melts!" and are cow friendly.

https://culinarylore.com/food-science:margarine-myths-feed-turkeys-and-more/

Quite an interesting article about it and some hindsight on how to whip up a mayo from beef fat.

[Anonymous No.14088415]

>>14088287
>crustaceans
No its was made as a lubricant. They repurposed it. Oh wait Im thinking of conola oil after ww2

[Anonymous No.14088425]

>>14088389
Not really the goal to have a cheaper replacement for moneys sake.
It was more like, have something or don't have something.

[Anonymous No.14088431]

>>14088415
No, you've got that wrong as well. Rape oil was a common industrial lubricant, but canola was specifically bred to be more palatable and edible.

[Anonymous No.14088440]

>>14088431
Rape oil is cheap as fuck, tastes like nothing and is actually pretty healthy.
What's the problem with it?

[Anonymous No.14088441]

>>14081336
what's the difference?

[Anonymous No.14088446]

>>14088281
>t. furry

[Anonymous No.14088451]

>>14081157
Its not pretending to be of a higher class than it is. Its just annoying.

[Anonymous No.14088454]

>>14088446
Not gonna lie, if mid fapping, some furry stuff catches my eye and it's genuinely good,
I will fap to that shit. No shame.

[Anonymous No.14088480]

>>14088454
bro

[Anonymous No.14088542]

>>14088425
At the time the dude who asked for it prepared for war, it wasn't a problem of shortage due to siege or occupation. Price and commodity were both in the equation.

[Anonymous No.14089184]

>>14082117
>Labeled trash
Goddamn right it is

[Anonymous No.14089231]

>>14080469
Why does fake cheese need to be refrigerated if it doesn't melt? You can't say that it would rot, it has not nutritional value.

[Anonymous No.14089343]

>>14087935
>that wording
So you dumped him for a middle class bf? Based femanon

[Anonymous No.14089354]

>REAL FOOD*

[Anonymous No.14089373]

>>14088349
The actual ads were a long time ago. I don't think they do that any more. But it isn't hard to see people still shilling this shit.

For instance this thread:
https://www.myproana.com/index.php/topic/286539-walden-farms-miracle-noodles/

[Anonymous No.14089402]

>>14088454
Based

[Anonymous No.14089416]

>>14088454
I just want a furry gf to deliver me food, is that so much to ask?

[Anonymous No.14089436]

>>14089231
Huh? It does have nutritional value. Were you under the impression that melting is an indicator of nutritional value?

[Anonymous No.14089448]

>>14087689
First I thought those products are only stupid but basing your whole business model on enabling a lethal mental illness is completely fucked up.

[Anonymous No.14089976]

>>14082577

i used to eat it without purchasing anything

[Anonymous No.14090100]

>>14082585
When were you a child