/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.13973184]

Worst food related memories

>10th birthday party
>I pissed off my dad the day before because he found me masturbating to gay pokemon porn on the internet
>everyone in my class was invited
>about 10 or so show up
>whatever, good enough
>we're playing video games and talking
>mom brings out the cake
>some ugly store bought shit
>whatever good enough
>she digs some faggoty colored candles and lights them
>as I lean in to blow them out, my dad walked by and pretended to 'accidentally' push me forward so I lost my balance and fell face-first into the cake
>one candle digs into my left eye
>get cake in both my eyes
>burning candle fucking gouged into my eye
>blood everywhere
>everyone screaming
>get rushed to hospital and stay out of school for months
>everyone talked about what happened at the party
>they all wrote me some faggoty poem wishing me well and signed it
>one kid drew a picture of me with an eye patch
>poem is full of pirate puns
>they give it to me the day I come back
>teacher makes a show of everyone reading the line they wrote and giving me this ugly, oversized abomination of glue and construction paper
>rip it up in front of everyone and silently sit back down

[Anonymous No.13973195]

>>13973184
What pokemon?

[Anonymous No.13973203]

>>13973184
all i learned is that your dad is based and you have a lot of pent up feelings about your sexuality given how much of a crutch the word “faggot” is for you

[Anonymous No.13973209]

>>13973195
Professor Oak fucking a charizard in the ass

>>13973203
Fuck you, cunt. I got a lot of pent of sexual feelings about your asshole, too.

[Anonymous No.13973221]

>>13973184
>out of school for months because of a poked eye
KWAB

[Anonymous No.13973230]

>>13973184
>>burning candle fucking gouged into my eye
>>blood everywhere
Never happened

[Anonymous No.13973235]

>>13973184
>went to taco bell
>2 bean burritos
>no red sauce onions or cheese
>they have cheese in one and red sauce in the other
>shit rain of fire out of ass later

[Anonymous No.13973236]

>>13973184
>out of school for months
Did you stay home and masturbate to pokemon porn all day?

[Anonymous No.13973237]

>>13973209
>I got a lot of pent of sexual feelings about your asshole, too.

Damn bruh that's pretty gay ngl

[Anonymous No.13973245]

What a great thread

[Anonymous No.13973258]

>>13973236
yeah, my dad was apologetic as fuck and had his tail between his legs, so I got him to leave me alone. He even walked in on me once with my dick in my handing rubbing one out to a futa nurse joy and just quietly closed the door and left me to it.

>>13973237
your anus is a woman if my dick wants to penetrate it

>>13973245
thanks dad

[Anonymous No.13973262]

>be me
>high school
>parents divorced (mom is bipolar dad is a control freak)
>sister gone to college
>start smoking a lot of weed
>ignore any homework to hang out with gf
>grades slip hard middle of senior year
>control freak dad constantly checking grades, berating me to do better
>gets frustrated with me because he has little to no control over my life because i spend 80% of my time living with mom
>all this comes to a head on one of his visit days
>just flunked one of my last big math tests because i dont give a shit anymore
>dad is seething, interrogating me to find out why I'm such a dumbass
>visit day is basically ruined but he always gets me dinner so he finally eases up
>takes me to burger king drive thru, asks me what i want
>don't stop to eat, just drops me off at moms in complete silence
>sit in my room with burger king
>dont even get an appetite until its cold

[Anonymous No.13973327]

I'm gay, not sure if that matters

[Anonymous No.13974333]

>>13973262
well if you were too retarded to pass a fucking american math class you pretty much deserved it ngl

[Anonymous No.13974347]

>>13973221
STOP EXPOSING THE BUSINESS

[Anonymous No.13974360]

>be me
>12-13?
>Dad whips up some dinner
>some chicken with canned spinach
>spinach taste likenfucking vomit, cant eat it
>dad tells me I can’t leave til I eat my vegetables
>try my darnest
>gag with every bite
>I can’t do it
>we seat there for like 30 minutes in silence as I just look at the spinach

[Anonymous No.13974363]

>>13973262
stop, I just wanted to come here to laugh at mcchickens, this is bringing up some bad memories

[Anonymous No.13974398]

>>13973184
>the Jew took this kid away from his based dad
Many such cases, Sad.
>>13973262
Women are like children. Single moms are the worst. Your dad should have beat you more. I wish mine had. At least he raised me though.

[Anonymous No.13974543]

>>13974360
I remember sitting at the table for 4 fucking hours staring at my plate until my dad gave up and just decided it wasn't worth it and I wasn't going to eat spinach

Fucking hate that shit

[Anonymous No.13974561]

I learned that OP is autistic.

[Anonymous No.13974606]

>>13973184
When i was a kid my mom would make scrambled eggs with cheese in it while we were camping and I gagged eating it.
I love eggs and cheese now.
Also, would hide veggies in milk, especially peas, which I also love now.

[Anonymous No.13974607]

>>13973184
>rip it up in front of everyone and silently sit back down
Based

[Anonymous No.13974614]

>>13974360
>>13974543
Spinach is complete and utter garbage whoever likes that shit is a retarded faggot and should be mocked

[Anonymous No.13974642]

>>13974398
>Your dad should have beat you more. I wish mine had.
why do people think this? what would getting beat more help? do you think it'd cause the child to learn something? are you referring to beating in certain situations or in general? I see this sentiment a lot and don't understand the motive thinking.

[Anonymous No.13974648]

>>13973184
>yesterday
>go to Wendy's for dinner
>raining like crazy
>order my usual
>two large orders of fries
>"we're out of large fries"
>???
>are you out of fries?
>at this point I'm covered in rain
>glasses covered, cant see
>"no just the containers"
>ok then I'll have 3 medium fries
>"were out of medium fries
>totally soaked, start to panic
>ok I'll have ten small fries
>say it kinda prissy
>feel bad immediately
>get food
>they didn't even use containers, just filled the whole bag up with fries

They were good and fresh, but I couldn't eat that many fries

[Anonymous No.13974652]

In 1st grade, dad tells me to pack a lunch. There was only stale bread and old apples in the kitchen. Before leaving dad demands lunch box inspection. He sees the stale bread and old apple. Screams at me and throws the food at me. Calls me names. He deserts the family 7 yrs later and is never seen again.

[Anonymous No.13974656]

>>13973184
You're obviously making that up, but my mom gave me a wrap with butter one time, and it made me feel sick. Then I didn't eat butter again for fifteen years.

[Anonymous No.13974660]

>>13973184
I've met other people with the issue of not being able to swallow meat when they were younger, so don't judge me
> be like 5 or 6 years old
> friend's parents went out so he's at our house for dinner
> we were having steak
> couldnt eat steak fast enough to satisfy mom
> mom went to the store and says "if you arent done with that steak when I get back, you're going to bed"
> couldnt finish steak before she got home because I physically cant swallow this shit
> mom comes home and yells at me infront of my friend
> I get sent to bed at 7 or 730pm
> have to listen to my friend playing video games
I don't think I ordered my first steak in a restaurant until I was 18 because I was always scared I couldn't eat it. Steak is great now

[Anonymous No.13974662]

>>13974652
what do you think he was hoping for in that lunch box?

[Anonymous No.13974686]

>>13973184
If my son was a faggot I would do the same

Also would get one of those custom cakes and put a big cock on it or some gay pokemon for all your friends to see and watch them laugh at you

[Anonymous No.13974688]

>>13973184
Did you lose the eye?

[Anonymous No.13974707]

>>13974648
>ordering a bag full worth of fries for dinner
>isn't the first time

pathetic

[Anonymous No.13974723]

>>13974606
>would hide veggies in milk

[Anonymous No.13974727]

>>13974688
Yeah, but I found it later

[Anonymous No.13974733]

>>13974662
To this day I still don't know. But it was later revealed that he was bipolar and did some really crazy shit that nobody would tell us when we were kids.

[Anonymous No.13974743]

>still living with parents, prob 17-19
>get drunk with friends, good times had
>come home
>raid fridge
>cool, bean dip
>was weeks old idk
>vomit for hours

[Anonymous No.13974757]

>junior year high school
>go to chinese buffet with friends after class
>first time eating chinese buffet food
>literally the only white people there
>even wait staff speaks broken english
>go off what friend gets
>he gets these kebabs
>actually labeled "kebab" with nothing else
>eat 6 of them
>strangest tasting meat I've ever had
>nothing like chicken, beef, lamb, etc
>leave after while to take friends home
>have to pick up dad from work since his car is cocked
>feels like stomach got hit by sack of dicks the second I park
>call my dad to let me in
>waddle to bathroom
>Im already shitting as sit down on bowl
>piss shit
>ordeal lasts for 10 continuous minutes
>smell is abhorrent
>toilet water is bitch black
>use an entire roll wiping my ass
>see shit spattered on wall
>ricocheted off the back of the seat and hit the wall behind
>too beta to clean off and leave
>mfw dad tells me they had an meeting about someone shitting on the bathroom wall
>mfw never caught

[Anonymous No.13974796]

>>13974398
>Spank me daddy
So you're the one making sissy threads on /gif/

[Anonymous No.13974830]

>>13973258
>futa nurse joy
Post it.

[Anonymous No.13974843]

>>13973184
>probably like 8
>dad thinks handing out the worlds most mundane and unrewarding jobs will teach me work ethic.
>anon pick up all the rotten apples underneath the apple trees.
>Putrid rotten soft as shit apples that smell like death
>avoid it for a couple of days
>he loses his shit and marches me up to do it, I don't have shoes on, walking in vile mush expected to pick up apples and put them in the bag
>crying, getting yelled at for being a pussy,
>Neighbors daughter came over to see if I wanted to play
>she just stands there watching me in tear dry retching and smelling like shit.

Fuck, give a kid a job that has a sense of reward, get them to like work not "eat shit and smile about it faggot". Or at least teach me how to do it efficiently, give me a rake and a shovel or something.

[Anonymous No.13974872]

>>13974757
https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/3b729282-563b-4cfc-a12a-74604b5582fb

[Anonymous No.13974901]

>>13974686
>Local father arrested for grooming children at sons birthday party. The perverted hot sauce enthusiast reportedly made a phallic homosexual birthday cake and fed it to children.
Yeah you probably would you fucking degenerate.

[Anonymous No.13974911]

>>13974843
IT BUILDS CHARACTER SON

[Anonymous No.13974968]

>>13973262
You should have listened to your dad faggot

[Anonymous No.13974975]

>>13974543
Fresh spinach or canned? If canned I understand, if fresh, what the fuck?

[Anonymous No.13974987]

>>13974733
Like what?

[Anonymous No.13975078]

a very recent one actually

>decide to put kraken rum in freezer because i heard that it's disgusting when warm and freezing temperatures can dissipate some of the alcohol taste
>drink it nice and cold
>it doesn't have alcohol taste
>instead it just tastes like molasses but without any of the sweetness
https://streamable.com/r03c8v
>vomit it out

[Anonymous No.13975122]

>>13973184
>he found me masturbating to gay pokemon porn on the internet
This is the only part of this story I believe

[Anonymous No.13975251]

>>13974987
Public indecency, would freak out at work and get fired all the time, he went on a 4 week crime spree across the country and eventually landed in jail (we had been told he was working on remote construction jobs). He was mental and would just lose his shit on us sometimes.

[Anonymous No.13975431]

>>13973184
There ain't no 10 year olds jerkin off to gay porn.

[Anonymous No.13975441]

>>13974975
I don't remember. I just know I hate that shit and if I can't leave the table until I eat it then I guess I'm staying at that table till I die

[Anonymous No.13975465]

>>13975441
Fresh spinach is great, you're just most likely a manchild who ruined their tastebuds with soda and tendies

[Anonymous No.13975483]

>>13974843
Reminds me of when I was like 10 and my dad had me go around picking up pinecones

[Anonymous No.13975497]

>>13975078

My first case of serious alcohol poisoning was kraken rum, that shit sneaks up on you man

[Anonymous No.13975504]

>>13974757
lol based

[Anonymous No.13975526]

>>13975483
well at least you have character now

[Anonymous No.13975575]

>>13974648
>somehow standing in rain, getting wet
>somehow also ordering food simultaneously at wendy’s
Fake and gay

[Anonymous No.13975817]

>>13975575
Are you retarded anon?

[Anonymous No.13976021]

>>13975817
He was walking through the drive thru?

[Anonymous No.13976037]

>>13976021
Do you understand how rain works?

[Anonymous No.13976047]

>>13976037
So this Wendy's had no roof? You're not giving me much actionable intel Anon.

[Anonymous No.13976080]

>>13973184
>fiancee comes from trip (8 years)
>as I open the door to greet her she starts crying
>"whats wrong"
>she tells me she cheated on me
>I become numb, cant believe it
>just not answering
>she is freaking out
>hours pass, at some point she goes to sleep
>I find myself to the kitchen and make a cold sausage sandwich, knowing it would be the last thing I would eat at that house
>I was right

[Anonymous No.13976132]

>>13976047
I'm the original anon. Yes there was no roof over the drive thru box, and it was raining enough that I had to stick my head out of the car a bit in order to be heard

[Anonymous No.13976138]

>>13976080
I'm sorry anon, that sucks. You left her though right?

[Anonymous No.13976162]

>>13976138
Yep its been 9 months

Pretty hard but im rebuilding ny life

[Anonymous No.13976207]

>>13976080
why would your fiancee go on an 8 year trip without you?

[Anonymous No.13976213]

>>13976207
(you)

[Anonymous No.13976230]

>>13976162
I had something similar happen. Fiance of 5 years. Happened about a year ago. It does suck, but you get better. Sucks tough, I basically have no hope of another relationship. I'm taking care of my handicapped mother since my dad died last year, and my ex me a really aggressive case of herpes. Hope things work out for you anon.

[Anonymous No.13976261]

>>13976230
:( hope things get better for you anon. Or at least get worse for you ex.

[Anonymous No.13976598]

>>13976132
That just makes you extra retarded, lmao

[Anonymous No.13976692]

what makes someone throw out 8 or 5 years straight into the fucking trash just for a moments pleasure
what the fuck is wrong with people