/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.13883340]

ever had a big cooking failure?

[Anonymous No.13883341]

>>13883340

[Anonymous No.13883347]

>>13883341
hahahah

[Anonymous No.13883371]

>>13883341
I had this happen to me, cheap ass piece of shit
I had some other plastic ware that survived through hell and one day just split in half out of nowhere
There is no way to judge the quality until you get a go at using it sadly

[Anonymous No.13883439]

>>13883340
I ruined a soup once because I didn't cut out the hard part of a cabbage.

[Anonymous No.13883463]

>>13883340
Tried to make baked beans. Neglected to soak beans overnight. Neglected to cook beans before adding to sauce. Confused several hours later when beans still hard as a rock before dawning realization and profound shame.

[Anonymous No.13883470]

One time I tried to follow a sugar cookie recipe, ended up adding too much flour. They came out of the oven the same shape as I put them in and they were hard as rocks. Tried to feed 'em to my dog, but she didn't even want them.

[Anonymous No.13883479]

>>13883463
I think you baked the wrong bean you dip.

[Anonymous No.13883481]

Coque au Vin 20 years ago. Didn't cook it long enough.

[Anonymous No.13883500]

>>13883479
No, I missed the step to cook them beforehand, and acid (like tomato) prevents water from getting into beans, and thus, prevents them from softening.

[Anonymous No.13883562]

>>13883340
>>13883341
Fuck hahah that's just sad and sucks lol

[Anonymous No.13883577]

>>13883470
wooowie i really like blueberry mufins
going to try to make my own
>get ingridients
>follow recipe
>beautiful muffins
>they taste like shit
>load the recipe, what could i have possibly done wrong?
>200 comments, followed recipe, tastes like shit
>its 4 years old, not only did the website not take it down, its featured

[Anonymous No.13883587]

>>13883340
Absolutely scorched some chicken on the grill at a family gathering before I knew how to control flare ups (close the lid, cut off oxygen duh). My mom wanted to try to eat it to be nice as moms will do, and it was FUCKING RAW!

[Anonymous No.13883589]

>>13883500
How does it do that?

[Anonymous No.13883607]

>>13883589
Fuck if I know, but I started googling about it when , after washing off the sauce and attempting to boil them properly, they still refused to soften, and I was forced to abandon the whole thing after reading on lots of sites that tomato + uncooked beans = eternally uncooked beans

[Anonymous No.13883626]

I ordered the gizzards and I should have gotten the livers

[Anonymous No.13883729]

i made cheese sause without using a recipe. i figured i could just wing it. this is
>white cheddar
>gruyere
>gouda
>camembert
>butter
>white wine

wa-la

[Anonymous No.13883741]

>>13883340
got a really nice pork loin, marinated it, made sides. undercooked it really badly, put it back in, burnt it

pissed me off so much i bought a thermapen. never have that problem again

[Anonymous No.13883772]

>>13883741
Even my retarded dad who never cooks is able to perfectly cook a prime rib with a thermapen and some basic instructions. Really surprised me when he did that too.

[Anonymous No.13883788]

>>13883626
Gizzards are fuckin delicious

[Anonymous No.13883789]

>>13883626
where

[Anonymous No.13883867]

>>13883729

[Anonymous No.13883924]

>>13883729

[Anonymous No.13883966]

When I was a kid I accidentally used powdered sugar instead of flour in a cookie recipe
Cookies melted into a burnt goop that I had to chip off of the pan

[Anonymous No.13883976]

added a bunch of whole fettuccine into the pot at boiling water but never stirred nor added anything to prevent them from sticking and it turned into a slab of pasta

I was hungry as fuck so I just made do and turned my alfredo sauce into a dipping sauce and chomped it down

[Anonymous No.13883980]

Tried to make burger buns but they didn't rise or brown properly.
What did i do wrong?
I am shame.....

[Anonymous No.13883999]

>>13883340
once I was making a pan sauce to go with some shit and right as I dropped the butter in and started stirring, I felt movement in my ear. a lil nug of earwax fell out, bounced off my shoulder, and landed right on the hot flat top stove
I wasn't gonna let my sauce break so I just let it stink and burn until I was done

[Anonymous No.13884015]

>>13883980
they look nice and big... but you definitely need more space in between each bun

[Anonymous No.13884026]

>want to make chocolate cake for my birthday
>need to make 3 cakes and stack them with filling
>oven isn't big enough by far, I'll just make a big one and cut it in slices
>make batter, put it in circular cake tin
>close the oven
>the tin doesn't fucking fit
>manage to find one that does, have to pour the batter from one tin to the other
>close the door and wait
>after a while hear a weird noise
>check the oven
>there's too much batter in the tin and it's fucking overflowing
>start scooping some out with a spoon to stop the overflow
So much wasted batter, it ended up being fucking delicious though

[Anonymous No.13884037]

>>13883980

Fluffy buns are offensively hard to make and I don't know why. I can make a perfect french loaf, baquette, dinner roll, etc. can't make a soft bun to save my life.

[Anonymous No.13884073]

>>13883980

[Anonymous No.13884077]

>>13883340
Only once. When I was 10 years old I attempted to make hard candy. It didn't work because I didn't have a candy thermometer and I didn't understand what I was doing. I hid the pans and sheet pan I used under the sink just before my mom came home. I got up in the middle of the night and spent a couple hours cleaning them in secret. Nobody ever found out. I am a good cook now as an adult.

[Anonymous No.13884118]

>>13883729
you're not far off but you need to start off with a roux.

[Anonymous No.13884170]

>>13883340
I cooked some chile once then I spilled it on the floor, that was lame and sad. That wasn't just a failure that was stupid.

[Anonymous No.13884175]

>>13883340
i once pissed myself and vomited while making chicken nuggets

[Anonymous No.13884176]

>>13884170
... Not only was that stupid but it took some time to clean it up. One has to be careful when cooking while drunk.

[Anonymous No.13884180]

>>13884175
That's pretty bad to waste some nuggies like that.

[Anonymous No.13884192]

>>13884026
Why do you have a toaster oven?

[Anonymous No.13884200]

Wasting nuggies should be a hanging offence and a federal marshal should go after them.

[Anonymous No.13884218]

>>13883341
>Using plastic in frying oil
What a retard.

[Anonymous No.13884223]

>>13883340
>make beschamel
>go to add cheese
>turns into a lumpy mess because I forgot to take the pan off the heat

I used it for a lasagna the next day instead, but twas very sad

>making pizza dough
>been a while
>doing an overnight proof so I just toss everything in a bowl together
>yeast is dead
>go to pull out the dough the next evening and it hasn't risen at all
>order chinese instead

[Anonymous No.13884224]

>>13884118
is that really all i was missing? damn lol. i had a fondue set years ago and from my memory it really was just as simple as putting some fat in and then adding the cheese and some beer or wine. but i guess i was wrong

[Anonymous No.13884231]

>>13883340
>>13883341
What in the ever loving fuck?

[Anonymous No.13884250]

>>13883340
I once got drunk watching ratatouille.
Tried making the dish like the show but was too drunk to cut the veggies the righght veggies.
Had a ratatouille that was both overcooked and raw at the same time.

[Anonymous No.13884329]

>>13883340
What's going on in this pic?

[Anonymous No.13884339]

>>13884224
you could probably get away with that in a fondue pot since it's lower heat so less chance of separating but a cheese sauce started from a roux will still be better.

[Anonymous No.13884354]

I had a pack of these in the freezer just in the bag with no box and thought they were corndogs. Covered them in ketchup and mustard and it was absolutely vile.

[Anonymous No.13884362]

>>13884354
Couldn’t have been that bad

[Anonymous No.13884388]

>>13883626
Gotta get 50/50 next time baby. Two different textures.

Also add some Texas Pete desu.

[Anonymous No.13884390]

>>13884362
This. I’ve put ketchup on the Wawa pancake breakfast sandwich and it wasn’t that bad. The mustard would be off putting but I could it see it being vomit-inducing

[Anonymous No.13884430]

>>13884339
Make a roux, then pour in some milk and a little bit of cream. Bring it to a boil while stirring vigorously. Season it with salt, pepper and nutmeg and a splash of vinegar/lemon juice. When it starts to thicken take it off from the stove and then add your cheese in small chunks until it melts into the sauce and has your desired level of cheesyness. During the roux-process you can also sweat some diced onions and garlic before adding the flour for some additional flavor.

[Anonymous No.13884441]

>>13884430
forgot to mention that you should add the vinegar/lemon juice AFTER the sauce has thickened or else you could get nasty clumps.

[Anonymous No.13884499]

Ive had split peas and other legumes burn at the bottom of the pot waaaay too many times

[Anonymous No.13884547]

>>13883340
my souffle turning into a shitty omelet

[Anonymous No.13884560]

>>13883340
I for the life of me cannot make a pizza base. Dough either doesn't rise properly or would be burnt on the outside and raw in the middle when I bake it. And I follow the same instructions every single time!

[Anonymous No.13884572]

>>13883340
Plenty, that's partially how you get better at something.

[Anonymous No.13884573]

>>13884441
I think that happens when adding masa harina to soups or chile, people forget to read the directions or they're drunk and add it directly then it clumps when they should mix it with a bit of water first to make a slurry.

[Anonymous No.13884578]

I've come to realize I'm just a mediocre cook. I think I make some pretty banging meals some times when everything goes right. But otherwise, not everything always comes out good, or right, or as tasty as I think.

I honestly am not sure how to get better. I read recipes, watch videos, try and learn and use techniques, but sometimes it all still ends up as a plain meal or doesn't turn out the way it should. Like I've been making bread for years and it still doesn't turn out right and I just genuinely don't know what I'm doing wrong even when I follow exact times, measures, and so on.

[Anonymous No.13884580]

>>13884578
The more red wine that you drink and the more you share it with a cute girl then the better cook you become.

[Anonymous No.13884581]

>>13883340
One time my dad was making chili and he mistook the cinnamon in the spice cabinet for chili powder. Tasted like candied anus. A real shame since most of the time his chili is 10/10.

[Anonymous No.13884582]

>>13884578
Never forget improvisation and what the girl likes.

[Anonymous No.13884584]

Yea. One time I followed on the bottle instructions for making teriyaki chicken and it ended up inedibly salty.
Another time I dropped the whole dish on the floor right as I finished.

[Anonymous No.13884590]

>>13884581
For a stretch my mom when I was a kid would make quick yogurt parfaits for lunch. But she would CONSTANTLY put cumin instead of cinnamon in the yogurt. It was so fucking hard to choke that shit back; couldn't waste as a kid. but she did it so many times I just gave up and dumped that shit once I realized or noticed it was cumin.

[Anonymous No.13884592]

Here was a big one, I made a bunch of potatoes, I had them all mashed and everything then went to put some salt in but the top of the container came off and the whole thing of salt poured out. It couldn't be salvaged though I tried, that was a waste of some good potatoes.

[Anonymous No.13884600]

>>13884573
In this case the combination of heat and acid denaturates the proteins in the milk which results in clumps. Thickening the sauce with starches from the flour beforehandprevents that. Your example is valid when using starch as a thickener because its hard to get rid of the clumps afterwards when not dissolving it with a little bit of water first. Commercial sauce thickeners use modified starches so one can just pour them into the sauce directly as the will easily dissolve.

[Anonymous No.13884602]

>>13884600
What milk are you on about? Its masa harina, you mix it with water, make a slurry then use it for other stuff. When you have a slurry it wont clump. There's no milk involved.

[Anonymous No.13884609]

>>13884602
nut milk
>he doesn't cum in his masa

[Anonymous No.13884616]

>Expensive cake tin doesn't say it's dishwasher safe
>"What's the worst that could happen?"
>The anti-stick surface came off and the metal underneath rusted
Why the fuck are we still making pans that can't be washed properly?

[Anonymous No.13884619]

>>13884609
That's kinky for a girl

[Anonymous No.13884623]

>>13884584
I'm sure the recipes on the bottle are designed to sell more bottles, I always do 50% marinade and 50% sweet sherry and a shitload of spring onions. Also you need to cover it with tinfoil when you cook it so it doesn't reduce down too much, then remove the foil near the end to crisp up the chicken a bit.

[Anonymous No.13884630]

>>13884223
Keep stirring the bechamel when you add the cheese.

[Anonymous No.13884631]

>>13884037
You need insane water content which makes the dough fucking stick to everything and hard to work with

[Anonymous No.13884634]

>>13883463
soak then pressure cook them next time. You can cook them in the sauce that way

[Anonymous No.13884635]

>>13884430
Why the fuck are you putting vinegar in a bechamel?

[Anonymous No.13884641]

>>13884616
Plates, cutlery and glasses go in the dishwasher. Cooking instruments get washed by hand.

[Anonymous No.13884645]

>>13884634
fuck you

[Anonymous No.13884652]

>>13884645
Dudes right. I regularly soak black beans overnight for 8hr, then pressure cook them for like 20-40 min depending on how much I'm making. They always come out perfectly good. And much easier and faster too. cooking beans on a stove top is annoying as fuck and never makes them come out right IMO

[Anonymous No.13884659]

>>13884652
i meant fuck you for telling a guy who said he forgot to soak and cook his beans "soak and cook them next time"

[Anonymous No.13884685]

>>13884630
Oh I'm aware. Problem wasn't stirring it was temperature. It separates if it's too hot while you whisk in the cheese.

[Anonymous No.13884696]

>>13884659
lmao
lil nigga finna cook he bean?
i'm think not

[Anonymous No.13884720]

>>13884602
Naaaah. I meant milk for a cheese sauce. How to properly thicken it and stuff.

[Anonymous No.13884743]

>>13884224
You also need more liquid than cheese, usually its milk or cream. If you just throw a bunch of cheese, fat and flour on a pan you're just gonna get greasy melted cheese.

1.Make a roux
2.Add liquid to make a sauce
3.Add cheese and season

Cheesesauce is a sauce with cheese, not a sauce made of cheese.

[Anonymous No.13884745]

>>13884037
Try a brioche dough

[Anonymous No.13884753]

>>13884743
noted. i definitely forgot about the milk. i remember now, i used milk in the fondue as well.

[Anonymous No.13884758]

>>13884720
Not milk, use a citrate, like sodium or potassium citrate.

[Anonymous No.13884767]

It only takes a very small pinch of either to do the job.

[Anonymous No.13884781]

>>13884758
What do you use that for? We're probably talking about different things here. I referred to milk like >>13884743 did. As a base liquid for the sauce. I use vinegar or lemon juice as a spice to improve the taste for the cheese sauce.

[Anonymous No.13884790]

>>13884781
Either one can be used to break down a hard cheese, any cheese really to make a nice cheese sauce.

[Anonymous No.13884795]

>>13883340
Dropped the homemade pizza I was about to put in the oven. Ended up scooping the cheese and sauce back onto the dough and it tasted fine after it went into the oven

[Anonymous No.13884796]

Was smoking a deer ham, they're kind of dry so I put some steak fat in a little metal pan in the smoker to have it render down and pour over the ham.

It wasn't melting like I wanted so I stuffed it into a coffee cup and put it in the microwave. I went outside for a few minutes and when I came back in the house was full of smoke, the alarms were going off and it was the most godawful thing I've ever smelled

[Anonymous No.13884799]

>>13884795
>>13884796
What are you, some kind of savage?

[Anonymous No.13884801]

>>13884790
so your definiton of cheese sauce is just melted cheese?

[Anonymous No.13884805]

>>13884801
Well yeah, well else is it? It's a sauce so should be melted.

[Anonymous No.13884810]

>>13884801
What's your definition? You really can't stick anything into some hard cheese can you?

[Anonymous No.13884813]

>>13884801
Melted cheese mixed with water.

[Anonymous No.13884814]

>>13884790
Oh, that's what you mean. Yeah, that works but most of the cheeses that I use are soft enough to be molten from the heat of the sauce alone. Thanks for the heads-up anyways!

[Anonymous No.13884819]

>>13884805
The way I learned it is that it's a bechamele-sauce that is fortified with cheese which is then called a mornay-sauce.

[Anonymous No.13884824]

>>13884805
>>13884810
You guys are propably talking about fondue? In my understanding the term "cheese sauce" usually refers to a white sauce with cheese in it. Take sauce mornay for example

[Anonymous No.13884830]

Followed an American cookie recipe, made a mistake when converting it to European units. it ended like a complete mess in the oven.

[Anonymous No.13884839]

>>13884830
are you me?

[Anonymous No.13884843]

>>13884839
>>13884830
used the right amount of butter but used less flour than i was supposed to
here's the redo

[Anonymous No.13884852]

>>13884839
I don't like this, what is this, what did you do

[Anonymous No.13884856]

>>13883340
wait what the fuck? why aren't they turning gold? can someone explain because i don't get it?

[Anonymous No.13884862]

>>13884852
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPCxMvLU0tE

[Anonymous No.13884870]

>>13884856
Maybe the oil is still not hot enough.

[Anonymous No.13884874]

>>13884799
I wasn't about to waste a mediocre pizza

[Anonymous No.13884879]

>>13884856
The oil might be too low temp and they were propably thrown in raw. Raw potatoes do get color eventually but they wont get crisp due to some reason.

[Anonymous No.13884881]

>>13884856
>>13884870
also it's like a minute between tweets, it's possible he just put the fries in for a couple of minutes. if i make fries from raw potatoes i think they take a bit more to start changing color

[Anonymous No.13884886]

>>13884879

is it because of the starch content? I've always read that you have to soak them in cold water/slightly boil them to get rid of the starch or something. Supposedly help the potatoes get crispy. I'm not entirely sure tho.

[Anonymous No.13884893]

>>13884192
I live in a student house. The other tin we had lying around was the same diameter but didn't have a metal ring around it so it just barely fit.

[Anonymous No.13884899]

>>13884886
I think starch is what actually makes the crisp but raw potatoes also have a lot of water in them. Parboiling the chips before frying drives some of that moisture out. Also boiling breaks down the pectin holding the potato together so the outer layer gets a bit mushy. Mushy equals more surface-area which equals more crispiness. I haven't really experimented with chips so all i know is stuff i've gleaned from random sources so it might be a bit off.

[Anonymous No.13884900]

>>13884886
You can also par-fry them. Then put them into a freezer and later finish frying them up. Store sold fries are par-fried.

[Anonymous No.13884941]

>>13884900
>>13884899
I see, thanks for the explanation.

[Anonymous No.13884951]

>>13883340
I boiled chicken breast in pickle brine.
Don't know why I did it, but I did it.
Came out pretty bland.

[Anonymous No.13884968]

>>13883340
i was cooking some venison for the first time when i was like 16 and i was really quite excited to try it
i vaguely remembered some video i had watched about cooking steak which was cooking with jacks poor man filet mignon video
he put a load of salt on some cheap steak and let it do a sort of dry brine for a while
i kind of misconstrued the idea of it so i only succeeded in over salting my meat and it was disappointing

the main thing i learned is that jack scalfani abused his previous wife and child,
choked out his son jack scalfani Jr for smoking weed
served his local church commune a chili which contained moldy, freezer burned smoked brisket and was upset when he lost
cried when some investors on a show wouldn't invest in his sauce
i hate him and he deserves the shitty mediocre life he has for himself

[Anonymous No.13884975]

>>13884354
>I had a pack of these in the freezer just in the bag with no box and thought they were corndogs
That would make a great prank

[Anonymous No.13884994]

me and my brother used to be really poor and we would buy a couple 10 lb. bags of russet potatoes at a time. we'd take turns on who did what, but one of us would cut them while the other fried them and moved them to a paper towel to drain. we'd put about an inch of oil in this gigantic cast iron skillet and could probably fit like 8 potatoes in there. towards the end we'd drop in a few link sausages and fry those as well. good memories.

not really a failure. just wanted to share because of op's pic.

[Anonymous No.13885008]

decided to make croissants
it was really difficult to roll it out as i was laminating the dough and after the 3rd roll the dough had really risen that i couldnt make more folds
took it out of the fridge in the morning after an overnight fermentation and the butter was just spilling out the dough
shaped it as best as i could and baked it
looked more like a bun when i took it out of the oven
tastes good though

[Anonymous No.13885094]

>>13885008
There is no yeast or levain in a croissant retard

[Anonymous No.13885097]

>>13884951

Eh, just experimentation innit. Not everything you try is gonna work.

[Anonymous No.13885112]

>>13883340
Cooking a massive batch of fried rice, cheap shit Teflon coated pan started to flake. Never again have I used anything Teflon.

[Anonymous No.13885113]

>>13883340
enlighten me: what is he doing wrong in this pic? (never cooked fries before)

[Anonymous No.13885117]

>>13885113
Best to par boil them first. Drain the water off then fry, let sit for 10 minutes draining, fry again.

[Anonymous No.13885154]

I don't get it why didn't the chips cook?
>>13883341
didn't happen to me that badly, but one time I bought a fancy thin spatula for 7 euro and within a few days it became splintery because apparently there is a relatively low max temp spatulas can handle. I don't blame myself - the idea that you can't use a spatula on a frying pan on anything above mid-temperatures is retarded and gay. I still use it though, just rarely because it's a piece of shit. My main spatula is literally 2 euro but it's metal and works almost as well as plastic.

[Anonymous No.13885160]

>>13885094
?
there most certainly is. post your yeastless croissant recipe for us

[Anonymous No.13885169]

Back when I worked as a cook we would rinse the fries with water and let them soak. I don't think you're supposed to fry the raw potatoes, too much starch.

[Anonymous No.13885176]

>>13883976
based putt putt poster

[Anonymous No.13885177]

>>13885113
>>13885117
>>13885154
par boiling is one way of doing it and is my preferred method especially with home fries
another way is to use lower heat for longer (they will eventually get crispy but will also be greasier and there will be less "meat" in the middle)
yet another way is to use lower heat, drain, then use higher heat. this is how most restaurants do it because 1.) water and oil are dangerous and employees are stupid 2.) you can have two deep fryers set to two different temperatures, and move the basket from left to right (or vice versa as long as you are consistent). don't have to bring water to a boil, don't have to make sure the potatoes are dry, etc.

[Anonymous No.13885183]

>>13885169
>too much starch
there will be starch on the surface from cutting the potatoes
rinsing removes this layer of starch that will prematurely brown/burn forcing you to pull the potatoes from the oil before the center is done

[Anonymous No.13885186]

>>13883481
How fucking embarrassing
Maybe keep such epic contributions to yourself

[Anonymous No.13885190]

[Anonymous No.13885194]

>>13885160
Not him but here is one since croissants are made from puff pastry dough. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/food/recipes/how_to_make_puff_pastry_65905/amp

When I googled "Croissant recipe" many of the results contained yeast. Maybe that's just an american thing since I've never heard about yeast in a puff pastry dough over here. t. Kraut

[Anonymous No.13885200]

>>13885190
>filename
Huh?

[Anonymous No.13885209]

>>13884441
all you have to do is stir it and it won't clump. don't add vinegar or lemon juice to it. stir it

[Anonymous No.13885217]

>>13885194
here's a link to both the french and german wiki articles, both say it's leavened
https://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Croissant_(viennoiserie)
https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Croissant

[Anonymous No.13885223]

>>13884218
>>13883341
>using plastic at all
FTFY

[Anonymous No.13885232]

>>13883341
The comment is what makes it for me.

[Anonymous No.13885236]

>>13885217
Well, you always learn something new, eh?

[Anonymous No.13885237]

>>13883463
Sounds like a Kay video
Did you make your son crunch on them anyway and tell you they were good?

[Anonymous No.13885243]

>>13883980
Looks like you tried to make a wet no knead dough for hamburger buns

[Anonymous No.13885244]

>>13885209
The acidic stuff is just used to liven up the taste of the dish and to counteract the richness of the cream, butter and cheese in it. You could also do without it if you wanted to.

[Anonymous No.13885245]

>>13885236
yep. i learned making croissants is too much of a hassle a year ago. never tried making them but when you consider how good lidl bakery croissants are, why even bother
i'm never making proper french fries either. storebought frozen are just superior.

[Anonymous No.13885256]

>>13885244
you sound like some pretentious faggot. I bet you use words like "mouthfeel" when you're with your partner('s bull)

[Anonymous No.13885261]

I was improvising a mushroom sauce for a chicken linguine dish and put the cream in to deglaze the pan before the onions had any time to really cook. I was just excited to release all that flavor from the pan :^(

[Anonymous No.13885263]

>>13885245
Yeah. I had to do unleavened puff pastry dough in vocational school once and it was a somewhat lengthy process because we had to chill it for some time after we folded it each time. Most of the time I cook at home I use powdered stocks because I rarely have enough chicken or beef bones for preparing some. Also my fridge is too small for keeping reasonable quantities of frozen selfmade stock.

[Anonymous No.13885264]

>>13885117
>>13885177
I see, thanks

[Anonymous No.13885275]

>>13884584
I've tried the hamburger recipe on one of those bottles.
It calls for far too much Kikkoman. One or two dessert spoons would have been enough.

[Anonymous No.13885278]

>>13883976
>dipping a block of pasta into alfredo
boy, imagining that really tickles me

[Anonymous No.13885283]

>>13884968
100,000 hours in PAINT.EXE

[Anonymous No.13885288]

>>13885256
Kek. No, I just think it tastes a little better that way.

[Anonymous No.13885292]

>>13885288
what are you even making with it. it's such a fucking stupid thing to say you should add to any mornay sauce. you don't add lemon juice to mac and cheese

[Anonymous No.13885332]

>>13885283
thank you anon, saved

[Anonymous No.13885348]

Fucked up really bad trying to be le chef smartypants.

Thought that mixing blueberry jam and shrimps was a good idea.

[Anonymous No.13885363]

>>13885348
i understand you said you were trying to be le chef smartypants but still
for what purpose

[Anonymous No.13885399]

>>13885363
I just wanted to impress my friends.

[Anonymous No.13885576]

>>13883340
not a big deal but the other night i finished making a really nice grilled cheese while drunk. got that nice golden texture with a browned crust, flipped it onto my plate, grabbed the plate, fucker went 90 degrees and grill cheese slid straight to the floor. oddly as i pick it up and inspect it, not a single hair on it. for a house with a long-haired cat and hair literally stuck to everything i felt lucky. tasted good anyway. i put pepperoni in it too.

[Anonymous No.13885625]

>>13884118
>>13884224
a roux, sodium citrate, or a slice of american cheese.

[Anonymous No.13885670]

>>13885348
Does shrimp work with cranberry sauce though?

[Anonymous No.13885676]

>>13885670
Bettter with cocktail and horseradish

[Anonymous No.13885681]

>>13885190
How did you fuck up pancakes?

[Anonymous No.13885685]

>>13884180
I mean, he never said he vomited or pissed ON the nuggets. Just while making them.

[Anonymous No.13885690]

>>13883341
>>13883340
>censored twitter handle

Why?

[Anonymous No.13885773]

>>13885685
You could still eat them even if you did. Vomit and piss comes from inside you so where's the problem in putting it back inside lol

[Anonymous No.13885784]

>>13883340
What did he do wrong?

[Anonymous No.13885908]

>>13883341
This is basically my mom. She has a talent for melting shit in the kitchen, from scorch marked cutting boards, to melted rubber scrapers and flippers.

[Anonymous No.13885938]

>>13885784
i'm going to guess the oil was at too low a temp. probably somewhere between 220F and 300F.
it takes a good 15-20 minutes to heat oil to 350-375F unless you've got the gas cranked up all the way which i don't advise doing since it can get out of control unless you have a thermometer, but even then it's probably best to just let it slowly heat up. much more difficult for things to get out of hand that way.
when you fry potatoes without a thermometer, you should add a tiny cube of potato to the oil to test the temp. if it does nothing, it's too cold. if it starts to simmer weakly, then you're probably still too cold. if it is a rolling boil right away with pockets of grease splattering, then certainly too hot.

[Anonymous No.13886225]

>>13883340
Had some extra egg whites left over so decided to make angel food cake, but didn't have a mixer so I decided to whisk the egg whites by hand. Obviously the cake collapsed in on itself and I ended up with a ~2000 calorie biscuit.

[Anonymous No.13886261]

>>13884590
Your mom can’t read, bro.

[Anonymous No.13886280]

Came home from work one night and roomie was making beef stew. The whole house smelled amazing and we were so excited to eat. Guess she tried to thicken it with some corn starch but grabbed baking Sosa by mistake (fucking No Name yellow boxes) and instantly the pot foamed up and started to smell all metallic.

It was totally ruined but I still tried to eat it and be supportive. It was fucking awful.

[Anonymous No.13886290]

>>13886225
Pics

[Anonymous No.13886308]

>>13886290
No luck, this was about 5 years ago and I lost my pics on my phone from back then.

[Anonymous No.13886316]

>>13883340
When I was 13 I made french fries and when I was finished I decided to toss some ice cubes in the pot to quickly cool the oil.

[Anonymous No.13886338]

>>13883340
Probably nothing giant
>first time cooking ever - doing chicken breast I oversalt them
>first time baking - making pizza I try to get nice crust, instead dry out the dough and burn the bottom
>first time deep frying - making fries pot handle gets stuck in my sleeve and pour boiling oil over my left thigh, calf and foot

[Anonymous No.13886347]

>>13883340
I made plain rice for me and my there siblings and i thought that one full cup of rice would make one serving, so i put five cups of rice into a medium sized pot and also five cups of water , after a while the lid was pushed off the pot and the rice started oozing out.

[Anonymous No.13886350]

every time i cook

[Anonymous No.13886352]

>>13885690
It's from reddit.

[Anonymous No.13886354]

>>13884015
no if you put them even closer they rise taller

[Anonymous No.13886353]

>>13886347
*three

[Anonymous No.13886366]

I spilled some hot oil on the stovetop once and caught the kitchen on fire.

[Sage No.13886367]

>>13883340
Fried 3 pounds of bacon. Nekkid. And of course im male. There are no females on this board

[Anonymous No.13886383]

>>13883626
I ordered a liver meal at Roscoe's House of chicken and Waffles once. I thought I was going to get a quantity like in your picture. I got like 5X that and a vast sea of grits. Became 4 separate meals.

[Anonymous No.13886402]

>>13883470
I once used icing sugar instead of flour, because I keep all my shit in unlabeled containers. The sugar liquefied in the over and ran over the sides of the cookie sheet and onto the element. Almost burned the house down lol

[Anonymous No.13886409]

>>13886367
you put sage in the wrong field

[Poonani No.13886430]

Testing

[Anonymous No.13886463]

>>13886409
Oh shit! That has been there for at least a day, maybe 2! Good thing i am more of a lurker.
Thx bro

[Anonymous No.13886484]

I blew up some garlic in a pan of hot oil, would have had a kitchen fire on my hands if i was using a gas grill.

[Anonymous No.13886649]

>>13883340
Yee , all the time but that how you learn (:

[Anonymous No.13886670]

>>13883999

[Anonymous No.13886722]

I tried making bourbon peppercorn sauce for steak the other day. They sauce wouldn't thicken and I think there may have been too much grease left in the pan from my steak (cooked reverse-sear, seared in the pan with olive oil, butter, thym and garlic) because some grease would sit at the top. The recipe didn't call for corn starch or flour or anything to thicken it, but it looked thick in the pictures. It did taste great, but yeah, it looked more like soup in the pan than sauce.

[Anonymous No.13886803]

>>13886409
Sage goes in all fields

[Anonymous No.13886846]

I got drunk while cooking a whole chicken in my oven and passed out and it cooked for about 12 hours

[Anonymous No.13886856]

I tried to make croquettes and turned the heat all the way up so the oil would bubble like it did in the fryer at work and it just burned the fuck out of them

[Anonymous No.13886874]

>>13883341
man I've had a plastic spatula for 10 or so years which I've used on tons of hot shit and even left in the oven once and the worst it's gotten melted was a warped handle from a accidental retardedly high temp rinse in the dish washer

[Anonymous No.13886880]

Making felafel with canned chickpea, as soon as I dropped a ball in oil the outer layers started frying and peeling off, and so on until nothing of the ball was left.
Not my pic but this is what happened basically.

[Anonymous No.13886884]

>>13886880
The chickpeas weren't the problem. Your patties weren't bound together well enough.

[Anonymous No.13886890]

>>13886338
>probably nothing giant
>potentially give entire leg 3rd degree burns
bro

[Anonymous No.13886893]

>>13886884
Probably. I never tried making felafel ever again.

[Anonymous No.13886905]

Made a lemon cake after a recipe that called for a shitton of sugar. After baking it for several hours the "cake" ended up being a 2kg solid block of yellow jelly and I had to throw it away.

[Anonymous No.13886914]

>>13886905
like a giant lemon bar? Or was it hard?

[Anonymous No.13886924]

>>13883729
>wa-la
not sure if ironic or actually retarded but kek'd either way

[Anonymous No.13887461]

>>13884026
you can make them separate and stack them later, you need to wait for them to cool anyways

[Anonymous No.13887624]

>>13886880
How do you fuck up falafel, holy shit

[Anonymous No.13887630]

>Be like 10
>Make a frozen pizza
>Try to move it from the oven to a cutting board with just a spatula
>It falls on the floor, half of it is face up but half of it is face down on the tile
>Pick it back up and clean it up the best I can
>Mother and sister immediately take the entire half that didn't touch the floor
>Eat my floor pizza that's missing most of the cheese and toppings while crying

[Anonymous No.13887645]

>>13883980
Find a jap milk bread recipe and follow it to the t. Never had any problems or complaints.

[Anonymous No.13887649]

>>13884743
Is that how you would make queso dip? I tried following a recipe for queso last week that just heated milk, added a cornstarch slurry, added cheese, and I think that was it. I ruined two 6 oz blocks of cheese. They both curdled even though the second one was kept at a much lower temperature. I've only used processed American cheese for queso/nacho dip before, so I didn't realize that other cheese needed a different cooking method.

[Anonymous No.13887665]

>>13887649
Traditionally, yes. Bechamel is a basic white sauce which starts with a roux (flour + butter/oil), cooked until all the flour is coated with fat, and then milk or cream is added. For a queso, you can basically do the same process up to that point, and then add whatever varieties of cheese that you want. If you want to add the spice you'd expect from queso, add some thinly sliced peppers (serranos would be great) or some red chili flakes and a sprinkle of cayenne.

[Anonymous No.13887683]

>>13883340
>>13883341
I don't know the worst part about this
>Diego pfp so guaranteed a goblin
>zero critical thinking skills when considering cook time
>high temp frying in a nonstick pan
>frozen french fries
>electric stove
>zero critical thinking skills when plastic utensil melts
>finds the need to post his ignorance and comical failures on social media
people are interesting these days

[Anonymous No.13887695]

>>13884175
Thats pretty badass.

[Anonymous No.13887699]

>>13884430
This guy fucks.

[Anonymous No.13887706]

>>13884580
This guy also fucks.

[Anonymous No.13887708]

>>13884635
Why aren't you?

[Anonymous No.13887740]

tried to temper chocolate and it turned out like this

[Anonymous No.13887747]

>>13883340
>be me, 13
>try making cornell bread
>start off well enough with the dry ingredients
>then came the wet ingredients
>10 CUPS OF WATER BABY
>start freaking out add more flour
>too much flour more water
>this goes on for a while
>give up and chuck it in the backyard
>dog finds it and eats it
>she begins wobbling around, barely walking
> she throws up all the dough she ate

>tfw i got my dog drunk with shitty homemade beer while attempting bread

[Anonymous No.13887753]

>>13887740
make a dozen of those and you got yourself a gimmicky dessert

[Anonymous No.13887932]

>>13887630
>Mother and sister immediately take the entire half that didn't touch the floor
All women are whores

[Anonymous No.13888095]

>>13883976

Putt-Putt Goes to the Moon takes me back to my happy days... when i was 9 and there was no execution videos on rotten.com

[Anonymous No.13888185]

>>13883340
I was working at Walmart, put ramen noodles in the microwave without adding water, took a nap, woke up to everybody complaining about the burnt plastic. Stunk up the entire back area of the store for about a week.

[Anonymous No.13888188]

Other than pizza getting stuck and falling apart on the stone, none really that I can think of.

[Anonymous No.13888224]

>be me back in high school
>have to make lunch for self
>gonna make poor mans nachos
>dump bag of tortilluh chips onto plate and put some cheese slices on top
>nuke and go elsewhere
>come back to kitchen smelling like burnt death
>open microwave and see remnants of melted plastic on chips and plate
>forgot to take the plastic off some the slices

[Anonymous No.13888280]

My dumb fuck self misread a recipe and I put a shit ton of salt in a cornbread. Everything else about it turned out great, then took one bite and it was like eating salt in bread form with a hint of corn taste

[Anonymous No.13888292]

>>13888280
Should've just dehydrated it, crumbled it and used it as a seasoning.

[Anonymous No.13888524]

ITT: a lot of failed bread

bread is harder than everyone makes it seem, it's really something that you get down with experience.

[Anonymous No.13888672]

>>13884994
Man, thats a great story but it makes me feel like shit. My brother and I are only a year about but he's unironically schizo and refuses treatment and it sucks that he's probably never gonna recover because he molested a little girl and is probably gonna go to prison not even RP i'm being honest, Cherish that memory anon.

[Anonymous No.13888718]

Horesgram base, quarter of chopped crumbed bread, rice flour, carrot, zucchini mixed with cheese. Baked.

Fucking came out amazing. Dipping that into hot and sweet sauce that only seemed to kill its flavour.

[Anonymous No.13888725]

mum used to make her own soaps and sell them, so we had a huge stock of different oils that she would use, mostly because it was easier than getting lard for us
one time as a little kid I went to make hot chips, and loaded up the counter deep-fryer with castor oil, not knowing there was any difference
as soon as I dropped the chips in it over flowed and went fucking everywhere

[Anonymous No.13888770]

>cooking with a friend
>making spaghetti
>show him that you can make it even better by throwing some olive oil in the pan with the cooked spaghetti, put on the lid and toss it around
>try to take off the lid
>lid won't come off
>it somehow got enough of a pressure difference that the lid won't fucking come off
>we try for an hour or something to get the lid off, heating it up, freezing, nothing works
>just made a second pan of pasta at some point
>two weeks later after it was still stuck, I made a dent in the lid with a hammer+screwdriver and it popped off
I saw that pan when I was at my mother's place a while ago, made me laugh

[Anonymous No.13888773]

>>13888524
Yeah, the "baking is a science" faggots are annoying.

[Anonymous No.13888774]

>be 10 years old
>wanted to be a brilliant food scientist in reshaping gummies
>microwaved a cup of gummies, was going to pour them into moulds
>fuckers at the top of the mug melted into a hot mess and bubbled out onto the turntable
>fuckers at the bottom of the mug stuck together in a blob
>microwave smelled like chemicals and burnt sugar
>spent the next half an hour scrubbing the turntable before mom found out
being a kid sure was fun

[Anonymous No.13888778]

>>13888718
oops forgot the pic

[Anonymous No.13888782]

>>13888774
I liked expanding peeps and marshmallows to fill the microwave and burn.

[Anonymous No.13888915]

>>13884077
Lol being a kid was weird

[Anonymous No.13888929]

>>13884592
A this happened to me once but I was making a stir fry and it wasn’t the salt it was the pepper, tried to eat it anyways but it was absolutely fucking inedible.

[Anonymous No.13888966]

>>13887740
Kinda looks neat desu

[Anonymous No.13889073]

>>13883729
I bet it was still good
>pan full of molten cheese and butter
that can't possibly be bad

[Anonymous No.13889076]

>>13884994
oh boo hooo that's a nice fuckin house.
Spend less on our dwelling you can eat like a Prince.

[Anonymous No.13889088]

>>13883729
based pioneer

[Anonymous No.13889116]

>>13883577
entropy

>>13884581
I was drunk and high making a coffee cake and it called for allspice, I ended up putting in Chinese 5 spice. Turned out better than the one i made with allspice

[Anonymous No.13889118]

>>13883340
My wife's family had pot roast every Sunday after church. She had been missing it so we decided we would make it one Sunday. I was responsible for preparing it and getting it in the oven. I did everything right, except that I forgot to put the lid on the slow cooking thing (it was the big metal kind you place in an oven) so it was completely ruined, and I didn't realize until I pulled it out to eat.

[Anonymous No.13889162]

>>13886924
>people don't know wa-la anymore
poor you, that was my first /ck/ meme

[Anonymous No.13889169]

>>13884635
Pro here.
90% of things I prepare involve vinegar at some stage.

t. vinegar lover

[Anonymous No.13889282]

>>13889162
i saw it first around probably 2008 on the imdb boards, don't know if it predates the /ck/ meme or not. thought it was the funniest shit ever that someone actually thought that was the spelling. only much later did i realize he was probably joking.

[Anonymous No.13889319]

>>13886884
actually using precooked peas won't work. Gotta start from dried or they'll never hold. You're right that you do need to pack them as well, though.

[Anonymous No.13889322]

>>13889162
>>13889282
You guys are retarded and probably both newfags, also the other newfag is a newfag
Case and point: palm frawms

[Anonymous No.13889328]

>>13887747
Let me guess, your dog went blind eventually?

[Anonymous No.13889331]

>>13883341
Fucking plastic crap. I had a few plastic tongs. They're great overall, because metal tongs scratch the pans, and silicon is too slippery. But then you realize why they're cheap when you forget they can't handle any heat and you ruin a meal with an added heap of plastic.

[Anonymous No.13889336]

>>13888224
This reminds me of probably one of the only few really stupid things I did with food
>have pic related
>be stoned teenager
>open, put in microwave
>did not remove sauce pack, did not add water, did not pass Go or collect $200
>after 1 minute the kitchen smells like absolute dog shit
>open microwave, look at ramen
>it’s fucking black in one spot and the sauce packet has exploded and boiled into a rock-hard paste
>laugh my fucking ass off and get another one
>always remember to add water from then on

[Anonymous No.13889337]

>>13889118
That’s not a slow cooker you retard that’s a Dutch oven

[Anonymous No.13889347]

>making chocolate cake
>recipe says to melt chocolate in a hot water bath on the stove and then mix the molten chocolate into the dough
>think i'm gonna be smart and save some time by using the microwave to melt the chocolate instead
>chocolate ends up burnt to a crisp, literally the color of charcoal, and the whole kitchen smells like death

[Anonymous No.13889361]

today I tried to make italian merengue with eritrithol instead of normal sugar and it turned out like shit.
The egg whites went from liquid to over-whipped in seconds. For the record I make italian merengue at work very often and I never had issues, I just
never used eritrithol before and other recipes that I tried turned out fine.

[Anonymous No.13889366]

>>13888185
Someone did exactly this at the walmart where I work. It stunk bad at the time, but in my case it didn't stink for an entire week thankfully.

[Anonymous No.13889368]

>>13889347
chocolate can be microwaved if you do 10 seconds intervals, mixing it a little bit every time.

It doesnt have to go above 35°C tho

[Anonymous No.13889372]

Not so much a cooking failure, but my mum accidentally left a laptop on a top of a turned on hob, didnt even notice until the battery exploded

[Anonymous No.13889540]

>>13883980
Nobody knows how to bread. It's all magic.

[Anonymous No.13889550]

>>13884250
You were drunk when you posted that, weren't you?

[Anonymous No.13889590]

>>13885292
He's just talking about food and cooking. Fuck off.

[Anonymous No.13889595]

>>13885576
Then it wasn't a grilled cheese.

[Anonymous No.13889599]

>>13886316
OK, Rich Evans.

[Anonymous No.13889602]

>>13889322
Isn't that more /x/ than /ck/?

[Anonymous No.13889655]

>>13883980
Ingredients:
Tangzhong:
2 tablespoons (20g) bread flour
2 tablespoons (27g) water
4 tablespoons (60g) whole milk

Dough:
1/2 cup(120g) whole milk @ 95f (30c)
1 tablespoons (9g) instant yeast
2.5 cups (320g) Bread flour
1 teaspoon (7g) fine sea salt
2.5 tablespoons (35g) granulated sugar
1 whole egg
1 egg yolk
3 tablespoons (42g) unsalted butter, softened

Egg wash:
1 whole egg
splash of whole milk

Prep:

Make the Tangzhong. Combine milk, water, and flour in medium saucepan. Whisk over medium heat until mashed potato texture. Take ½ C Whole Milk to 95 F. Add yeast, stir, and let sit 10 minutes.

In mixing bowl, add flour, sugar, and salt. Whisk and then fit mixer with dough hook. On low speed, slowly add milk mixture and the Tangzhong paste. Follow with the egg and egg yolk. Mix on medium low until thoroughly incorporated.

Gradually add the butter- GRADUALLY! Let the mixer knead the dough for 5-8 minutes until smooth.
Place seam-side down dough ball in greased bowl, cover with damp towel and place in warm area for 1 ½ hours.

Once dough is doubled, punch down & divide into 6 even pieces (weigh to be accurate).

To shape: Gently stretch the piece of dough toward the center, turn over, and gently pull toward you, pressing the seams further. Make a perfect, tight ball for the perfect bun.

Place dough balls on baking tray lined with greased parchment. Place inverted baking sheet over the top to prevent drying. Lest rise for 1-2 hours.

Brush the entire top of the buns with egg wash.
Bake at 375 for 16-18 minutes until golden brown. Brush with melted butter & let cool.
this recipe is absolutely fantastic, people always compliment my nice tight buns.

[Anonymous No.13889659]

>>13884037
forgot to tag you in my post here>>13889655

[Anonymous No.13889672]

My sister once mixed up the sugar and salt in cookies so they just tasted like salt lol. I made fun of her for like a week lol

[Anonymous No.13889674]

>>13884077
I made marshmallows and no bake cookies without a candy terminator, cooking with your eyes and internal clock is nice sometimes, but I fucked up the marshmallows in a different way in the end.

[Anonymous No.13889684]

>>13883340
in case anyone wants a tip for them to brown better you should soak them in water for at least 10 minutes (I do it for 30) then rinse and dry them.

[Anonymous No.13889697]

>>13884590
I'd cumin your mom

[Anonymous No.13889698]

>>13883340
Just last week I got meme'd into making a "satay" stir fry where the sauce's main constituent was peanut butter. I was pretty sure it was going to be awful and it was. Still not sure why I bothered trying the recipe.

[Anonymous No.13889701]

>>13889550
No...

[Anonymous No.13889724]

>>13886225
you know that super dense biscuit is probably a good survival food.

[Anonymous No.13889726]

>>13886409
he should've put sage in his bacon

[Anonymous No.13889727]

>>13884631
if you have insane hydration amounts like in sourdough you can use water in your fingertips every once in a while to help touch the dough (like 65-70%+)

[Anonymous No.13889736]

>>13888773
what makes up the dough is a science but knowing if something needs to be added or when its kneaded or risen enough etc. are more things of experience.

[Anonymous No.13889742]

>>13889701
It's ok. I drunk too

[Anonymous No.13889748]

>>13889698
I fucking love peanut butter sauce on stir fry or pad thai

[Anonymous No.13889751]

>>13883341
i've never used a plastic tool in my life
i don't even know where you get these
i bought all my unstensils cheap when I moved out of my parents, wood spatulas, metal prongs, etc, never had to resort to fucking plastic
how do you get so low? why do they even build these? are they really cheaper than metal? isn't plastic made of oil = expensive? why is it legal when clearly they melt?

[Anonymous No.13889771]

>>13883340
once cooked frozen scallops in a pan
they looked cooked, made a sauce, took one bite of one, and in less than 5 second, shat my pants, like straight up diarrhea out of nowhere

i didn't eat the rest of it

[Anonymous No.13889810]

>>13884026
>Make three
>stack them
This is literally how bakers do it, ffs why are people so impatient? 90% of baking fails are impatience.

Cooking is an art, baking is a precise science.

[Anonymous No.13889873]

>>13884635
Lightens it up my dude

[Anonymous No.13890012]

>>13887624
It was the pre-cooked peas I swear, I can cook usually!

[Anonymous No.13890609]

>wanted to roast some nuts
>hoping to make them taste like the shit you get at Nutty Bavarian, but I have no idea what I'm doing
>take a baking sheet, spread the nuts on it and pour a syrup I made out of honey, sugar vanilla diluted in a bit of water
>put it in the oven and turn up the heat
>hoping the syrup with thicken and harden as it roasts
>it doesn't, it just becomes a molten mess
>ashamed at my failure, I throw it all out in the garbage
>super hot syrup melts through the plastic bag and garbage bin
>there's now syrupy and molten garbage all over my kitchen floor

not a fun day

webm unrelated

[Anonymous No.13890733]

Was 16
>mum calls before she goes home, put the fryer on the stove and turn it, that way the fat has melted when she's home
>always see her put it to highest heat
>do that too
>already take out the frikadellen, fries, and cheese soufflés
>really need to take a shit
>poop, don't pay attention to the time or if the fat has already melted so I can just throw the fries in already
>suddenly notice smoke coming into the bathroom
>o shit
>wipe ass, run towards kitchen
>fucking thing is on fire
>remembered that throwing water on burning fat is BAD
>no towels in kitchen, grab pan with hand (based plastic handle was fine)
>quickly open kitchen door to the backyard
>while moving I set fire to the curtains next to the door
>dump burning fat on the tiles
>use small cooking pot on the drying rack to quickly fill with water and throw on the curtain
>shitty plastic blend curtains don't burn well, neither do stone tiles
>those artifical fibers probably saved the fucking house, and the homes above us
>am shaking, mum comes home
>a visitor actually arrived just as she did so I was safe from most punishment, as she did understand that people make mistakes and panic vs my mums inability to process anything
Still using that pan and basket tho, tiles are still slippery. Basically wasn't allowed to deep-fry until after I turned 18.
Still have the curtains too.

[Anonymous No.13890755]

>>13883340
This was my first "loaf" of bread before I learned you have to let it rise twice

[Anonymous No.13890814]

>Making hardtack to go with coffee
>Use 4tbsp of salt instead of tsp
>Make salt lick instead

[Anonymous No.13890836]

>Living in a dorm for the first time, tried making bbq chicken
>Pan, nice and cold
>Turned the heat on the stove, poured in some olive oil
>Wait 10 seconds
>Put in sliced chicken breast
>Wait until outsides look cooked
>Dump in half a bottle of bbq sauce
>Can't determine chicken doneness
>Say fuck it, 5 minutes seems like long enough
If you thought the medium rare chicken was a meme my god

[Anonymous No.13890838]

>>13883340
Made a nice pizza with sardines and mozarella from leftover frozen dough which was spread out to a circle shape on parchment paper. The paper glued itself onto the pizza during baking and i had to throw away everyrhing

[Anonymous No.13890841]

>>13890838
That's happened to me too. Always be sure to lightly dust the surface with flour before working with dough. Though I'm sure you've learned this already.

[Anonymous No.13890845]

>>13890814
Oh hey I just tried to make pancakes the other day, added 3 tbsp of baking powder instead of 3 tsp.

[Anonymous No.13890898]

>>13883341
>>13883341
This exact thing, actually.
Was making yogurt chicken for a D&D group coming over. In the few seconds it took to flip the pieces of chicken with a rubber spatula, half of the fucking spatula had melted into the pan.

[Anonymous No.13890902]

>>13885176
Fuck, i remember my grandpa said i'd better be digging real potatos instead of doing it in putt putt

[Anonymous No.13890961]

>>13890841
Havent made one since then but i used to spread olive oil on the paper but forgot that time maybe that helps as well will see next time

[Anonymous No.13891039]

>>13883729
If you had added some fat (ie, milk or cream) to that and cooked is sllooooooow, and don't stir it, just keep it moving to prevent burning, it would have worked fine.

My recipe:
>1-2 cups Milk
>1/2 cup Neufchatel cheese (can sub philly)
>Your choice of up to 3 types of melting cheese, prefer cheddar.

>Heat milk up in a sauce pan on med.
>Add Neufchatel cheese & gently stir until melted
>Sauce should be light yellow now, with small fat lumps.
>Whisk the mixture to remove lumps and even mixture
>Slowly add cheese, preferably grated or small pieces and stir gently to incorporate.

If you stir too hard you will add bubbles which will cause cooling, which will add lumps and. The goal is to melt the fat solids slowly so they blend together, not lump. Mild cheese work best for this. Using a low fat milk may allow for sharper cheeses such as aged gouda, sharp cheddar and asiago to be used.

[Anonymous No.13891075]

>>13885094
/ck/

[Anonymous No.13891076]

>>13884994
Thanks for sharing anon. I use my cast iron skillet heavily but I have yet to fry anything in it. Someday I'll fry something in it.

[Anonymous No.13891098]

>>13884951
vinegar.
you cooked chicken in vinegar.

[Anonymous No.13891198]

>>13883729
been there done that, fren

[Anonymous No.13891204]

>>13884037
what kind of flour are you using? might try considering using:
https://www.kingarthurflour.com/recipes/japanese-milk-bread-rolls-recipe

[Anonymous No.13891205]

>>13884073
tf you cooking with grams?
tf is a clearjel?

[Anonymous No.13891289]

About ten minutes ago I accidentally unscrewed the lid off my crushed red pepper jar instead of popping the top off and poured about a third of the jar into hot oil. I couldn't smell anything from the pan but I definitely felt it in my sinuses. The stir fry turned out fine, it a little hot.

[Anonymous No.13891338]

>>13887683
>I don't know the worst part about this
I'm gonna go with nitpicking like a whiny bitch

[Anonymous No.13891341]

>>13883340
>>13883341
If you're Hispanic and can't cook, something is definitely wrong with you.

[Anonymous No.13891377]

Start to simmer soaked beans, figure I have enough time for a little motorcycle ride. Come home to lovely aroma of charcoal burnt beans.

[Anonymous No.13891382]

>>13891205
clearjel is kinda like pectin I think its something like clearjel for low heat thickening pectin for high heat

[Anonymous No.13891594]

300

[Anonymous No.13891605]

>>13890898
What the fuck did you think was going to happen you retard

[Anonymous No.13892343]

>>13884560

[Anonymous No.13892384]

>>13885236
Yeah so shut your fucking mouth next time, shithead.

[Anonymous No.13892850]

>>13883340
When I bought my first cooking thermometer I didnt realize there was a plastic nib on the tip so when I checked the temp of my oil I ended up deep frying it.

[Anonymous No.13893185]

>>13889076
Obviously thats not his pic you fucking vagina.

[Anonymous No.13893389]

>Boiled some eggs
>Forgot to add water

I scare myself sometimes.

[Anonymous No.13893413]

>middle of summer
>its like 34ºC
>thats 93ºF for you Belizians
>decide that I am going to make croissants
>trying to make the puff pastry
>I just end up with a giant gob of dough with butter oozing out of it

[Anonymous No.13893423]

>>13883980

did you proof the dough, you jackass??

[Anonymous No.13893456]

>>13890609
its just sugar and nuts buddy
if you can melt sugar you can make it
be careful because it burns easy and use your worst pan, i lost many men to melted sugar

[Anonymous No.13893481]

>>13890733
>mum calls before she goes home, put the fryer on the stove and turn it, that way the fat has melted when she's home
she was trying to kill you mate
just how fucking long does it take you to render fat? that shit wasnt an accident

[Anonymous No.13893487]

>>13890836
why didnt you flip and finish off the chicken before adding the sauce?
if you are going to cook it in sauce its going to be tender even if you overcook it before

[Anonymous No.13893506]

>>13889810
Because if I made three cakes I would have to wait for 6 hours in total as my oven was only big enough for 1.

[Anonymous No.13893518]

>>13893389
lol

[Anonymous No.13893621]

>>13885348
>le chef smartypants

[Anonymous No.13894077]

>>13887932
You sound like a triggered kike. You should definitely gas yourself in the oven, you fat kike.

[Anonymous No.13894502]

>>13888929
happened to me too! except it was peppercorns which gave me a terrible stomachache