I have to bring a cake to work on monday because didn't put my PC on standby while at a meeting

[Anonymous No.13752480]

The IT-guy warned everyone that if he ever sees that your PC isn't locked while you're gone, he'll send an E-Mail from your Account to the entire office announcing a cake for the next day.

Well, today it happened...

What kind of cake would you bring into the office? What's something that everyone likes, that is maybe something a little different? Should I just buy one?

[Anonymous No.13752488]

What kind of faggoty office do you work in?

[Anonymous No.13752496]

I would just send another email saying my account got hacked and that you already notified the FBI.

[Anonymous No.13752497]

>>13752488
Eh, could be worse. OP's boss is probably a lardass who tries to mooch desserts off of his employees at every possible chance.

[Anonymous No.13752498]

>>13752480
The kind that has a strong enough flavor to mask the taste of semen

[Anonymous No.13752500]

>>13752488
It's an internal running gag, we're not supposed to leave the PCs unattended because security and what not. Everyone thinks you sent the E-Mail

[Anonymous No.13752504]

>>13752497
unironically spit in it or incorporate some of your feces into the dough. fuck that fat faggot for making his employees a) bake cake and b) force others to eat it. fucking sociopath dictator.

[Anonymous No.13752512]

>>13752504
It happens every once in a while and people bring food into the office for everyone all the time so it's not big deal, i like it when i get a cake announcement on mondays

[Anonymous No.13752539]

If it's an office policy then nobody thinks you sent the e-mail.

[Anonymous No.13752548]

>>13752539
this, just dont bring one in

[Anonymous No.13752560]

>all these no fun allowed faggots iit never heard of workplace camaraderie
i would bring a dairy queen cake op, that shit is cash

[Anonymous No.13752576]

>>13752480
>The IT-guy warned everyone that if he ever sees that your PC isn't locked while you're gone, he'll send an E-Mail from your Account to the entire office announcing a cake for the next day.

this is the gayest thing i have ever heard

[Anonymous No.13752589]

>>13752480
Sponge cake with cardamom and vanilla cream fillings, everyone likes it :D

[Anonymous No.13752590]

>eating dessert in the middle of a work day
That's no good.
Bring in a smorgastarta.

[Anonymous No.13752591]

>>13752480
>What kind of cake would you bring into the office?
Do not bring cake. bring soft pretzels.

[Anonymous No.13752600]

>>13752591
Was thinking of that as well

[Anonymous No.13752604]

>>13752480
Don't bring anything.

[Anonymous No.13752607]

>>13752604
>>13752548
>>13752604

I have to. I also eat other peoples food when they bring it in and it makes you look like a sore loser if you don't.

[Anonymous No.13752609]

>>13752600
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FldGxkUFuuQ

[Anonymous No.13752614]

If your local grocery store has a "bakery" with boilerplate cakes that they can write on, I would get one that's hilariously inappropriate such as a graduation-themed one or a birthday princess one, then have them write "Sorry for the security breach :( " on it

[Anonymous No.13752618]

>>13752607
No you don't you spineless faggot. Send an email to IT saying your email was hacked and CC your boss.

[Anonymous No.13752622]

>>13752614
This, get a Minions cake or something

[Anonymous No.13752627]

>>13752618
No, if you act like this noone likes you

[Anonymous No.13752654]

>>13752622
>>13752614
My local grocery store has nice muffins in packs of four for two dollars, chocolate and vanilla. Maybe i should just buy those? I can't bake for shit and don't want to spend too much money because it's not too serious

[Anonymous No.13752655]

>>13752480
a mayonnaise cake, cuz fuck 'em

[Anonymous No.13752660]

>>13752627
Your job is to make money, not be friends with the office. These people aren't your "family" despite what the higher ups may tell you. And yes, you're correct I'm acting unlikable here, but the IT department could be in a lot of hot water if it's found out they're sending emails on other people's behalf.

[Anonymous No.13752663]

>>13752618
>tfw the autistic freak finally gets shitcanned for not fitting in with the office culture
Oh thank god.

[Anonymous No.13752672]

>>13752660
>the IT department could be in a lot of hot water if it's found out they're sending emails on other people's behalf.
the point is that it teaches you not be be a drooling retard who keeps his computer unlocked.
Don't want to buy cake?
Lock your fucking computer.

[Anonymous No.13752688]

>>13752660
Everyone is in on it, it's fun, also I was the one to be in trouble because I left my PC unattended, I know they're not my family but I like my colleagues and I want to keep working there for decades and have good relations

[Anonymous No.13752708]

>>13752672
>>13752663
The point is what they're doing is not just a harmless prank, it's actually something you can be fired for. Once it's established IT is sending emails using your account, then who's accountable for all emails sent from this account? What if the IT guy tries to send child pornography and now you're getting blamed, is it office culture to serve years in prison? Why am I even asking, of course you would.

You're so concerned about being a follower that you wouldn't dare go against some gay ass office rules. Stop being autistic and actually be a man.

[Anonymous No.13752722]

>>13752708
>What if the IT guy tries to send child pornography and now you're getting blamed, is it office culture to serve years in prison?

You can replace "IT-guy" with "anybody.
Noone should have access to your pc. So keep it locked. Thats the whole point of it.

[Anonymous No.13752723]

>>13752504
>Not jerking off in the frosting
Never gonna make it

[Anonymous No.13752728]

>>13752708
Christ almighty, whoever pulls the stick out of your ass will be crowned king of england

[Anonymous No.13752746]

>>13752708
Why IT guy shoul have your password and credentials to your email. Weird.

[Anonymous No.13752764]

>>13752688
He's literally missing the connections on his brain that would make him build social connection and understand social nuance. Honestly the life of a sperg is an unending misery and it would be far less cruel to just grind them into offal when they're diagnosed as infants.

[Anonymous No.13752769]

>>13752590
Smorgascake :D (smörgåstårta :D)

[Anonymous No.13752781]

>>13752722
The consequences of leaving your PC unlocked should be 1 warning, and then more severe consequences if it happens again. It should not be, let me access your account to do god knows what.

>>13752728
No response, good job anon. I'm sorry these pesky rights and legal protections get in the way of good fun. Remember to work extra-extra unpaid overtime and take the blame for anything and never defend yourself, you wouldn't want to go against office culture now.

>>13752746
It's not about having credentials, it's about using them. Again, in fortune 500 companies you would be immediately fired and escorted out for abusing your power. The email account doesn't belong to you, and everything that goes through it can be read by higher ups. But using the email account and pretending to be someone else is a big no-no, even as a harmless joke. I've actually seen people get fired for this exact purpose before, which is why everyone responding to me calling me an autist doesn't realize how much of a problem this is.

If you think someone impersonating you, even for a small "joke", is harmless, then please go actually get a job instead of repeating "autist" 100x times.

[Anonymous No.13752799]

>>13752781
>The consequences of leaving your PC unlocked should be 1 warning, and then more severe consequences if it happens again.

what happens when it's someone malicious retard

There's a reason you don't have any friends at work buddy

[Anonymous No.13752805]

>>13752480
Bring a bachelorette party cake

[Anonymous No.13752810]

>>13752746
I see. IT guy uses your PC unlocked to prove a point.

[Anonymous No.13752829]

>>13752480
Just don't bring one. What the fuck are they going to do about it

[Anonymous No.13752858]

>>13752799
>what happens when it's someone malicious retard
Then you notify the appropriate authorities.

>There's a reason you don't have any friends at work buddy
I get along very well with my co-workers, but we're not all retarded so our dynamic is different than your relationships.

[Anonymous No.13752990]

>>13752858
I'm not even the op. No one enjoys your company. You sound like a massive douche who freaks over the slightest wrong doing.

You're probably morbidly obese and get an adrenaline rush when you have the chance to talk down or correct someone. lol pathetic amerifat

[Anonymous No.13752994]

>>13752480
>IT admin didn't set 1 minute auto lock group policy
tired of getting locked out after 60 seconds? get back to fucking work

[Anonymous No.13753016]

>>13752781
You talk a lot and sperg out a lot. I find it hard to believe you’ve worked a single day of your life.

[Anonymous No.13753029]

>>13752858
You get along with them but they all think you’re a douche. If you call the cops cause someone sent a cake related email after you were a dumbass you don’t deserve friends or even a job that isn’t a night security guard for a public park restroom.

[Anonymous No.13753040]

>>13752994
most places don't do this unless you do coding or something.

[Anonymous No.13753069]

Hey sperg, yes you, the one making a fucking fuss and claiming OP is not a """""""""""""""man""""""""""""""""" for refusing to do a thing he agreed to if he forgot to leave his PC locked.

You are a fucking cunt mate, seriously, shut the fuck up, your worldview is fucked up and if you are like this IRL you are probably unlikeable, do yourself a favour and shut the fuck up already.

Knowing that you won't and you will try to win this "argument" by replying and making an absolute asshole of yourself for the fifth time on this thread I will leave you to be and live your life the way you want.

I just want to make sure that you fully understand my words, you are an idiot man. Fuck off to other place with your stupid opinions, you are not welcome here.

[Anonymous No.13753087]

>>13752829
this is clearly just some dumb prank for forced office interaction, OP is just an autist who doesn't get that it's not a big deal and he can just go buy a cake from walmart or something.

[Anonymous No.13753096]

>>13753087
Or just don't get a fucking cake

[Anonymous No.13753107]

>>13753087
OP here, i'll buy a bunch of muffins from the store.

[Anonymous No.13753113]

Bring one piece of cake for yourself

[Anonymous No.13753116]

>>13753096
>raging over cake
uh oh someone making poopie in his pants!

[Anonymous No.13753120]

jesus christ what is wrong with the guy in this thread

[Anonymous No.13753121]

>>13752500
Nicer than my office. If you leave your ID in your workstation it ends up hidden somewhere in the office. Only rule is your eyes on the card have to be visible which amounts to about 8mm of it showing...

[Anonymous No.13753139]

>>13752781
>>13752781

Are you seriously this fucking retarded?
No one is getting fired. Obviously, based off of this thread, his office has a friendly dynamic.

[Anonymous No.13753145]

>>13752498
This. Just give them the /k/ake treatment

[Anonymous No.13753148]

>>13753121
Holy shit were you in the military? We did that with CAC cards. The funniest one was someone putting one into a glass then freezing it.

[Anonymous No.13753172]

>>13753148
I would have called the cops. What the fuck? Who thinks identity theft is funny.

Should have been fired on the spot along with anyone who laughed.

[Anonymous No.13753186]

>>13753172
First of all it was a harmless tease. Secondly if you called Security Forces for something like this they'd either laugh & hangup or chew you out for wasting their time. Lastly it's surprisingly hard to get "fired" or kicked out of the military and the absolute most you'd get from this is being chewed out by your supervisor.

[Anonymous No.13753193]

>>13753116
Who's raging? Fuck off with the gay ass cake rule and give out written warnings if it's so serious

[Anonymous No.13753209]

>>13753193
ok tubby no one likes you

[Anonymous No.13753228]

Is there a chick you want to fuck?

>of course

Then make a tiramisù and flex on the entire office

[Anonymous No.13753249]

1960s aspic cake.

[Anonymous No.13753258]

>>13753249
More like aspie cake

[Anonymous No.13753374]

>>13753186
I think he was trolling and immitating the other retard in this thread.

[Anonymous No.13753407]

>>13752708
>>13752781
you're gonna flip shit, make everyone at the office think you are a tightass, and ruin something that really has no bearing on your life. just fucking chill and buy a cake. be part of a community.

[Anonymous No.13753430]

>>13752590
Only good suggestion so far

[Anonymous No.13753457]

>>13752500
If it's it's an internal running gag at the office, wouldn't everybody know that a mass email about you bringing a cake in the next day is just a gag?

[Anonymous No.13753471]

McCain Deep n' Delicious or perhaps one of those Oreo wafer (large) plus whipped cream cakes that you make at home.

[Anonymous No.13753529]

>>13752660
Either you bring the cake or they find some made up reason to fire you in a week.

[Unless I get lazy and just eat(...) No.13753542]

>>13752764
Na. The problem is dumb aspies. The smart ones figure out the rule and get on with our lives.

[Anonymous No.13753549]

>>13753542
you still stand out everyone knows and dislikes you

[Anonymous No.13753562]

>>13753107
This is a good opportunity to learn to make muffins. Theyre piss easy to make and very cheap. So cheap you can buy back up muffins.

[Anonymous No.13753569]

>>13753457
Yes? And they also know he left his shit unattended. It comes from his email and that's how you know. It's not that complicated

[Anonymous No.13753632]

>>13753549
But I dont care about that. Im an aspie. I only care about what they do when theyre interacting with me.

[Anonymous No.13753667]

>>13752480
Be sure to cum in the batter. Or just go out and buy cupcakes for the office.

[Anonymous No.13753694]

>>13752480
I'd just tell him to fuck off with his cakes and not take one in.

[Anonymous No.13754146]

>>13752480
So if you want to do something nice, you could do Martha Stewart's yellow cake with buttercream frosting. Or a carrot cake, but that can be time-consuming. You could also do a bundt cake if you don't want to fuss with frosting, but if all you have is loaf pans, then it doesn't really count as a cake. If you're feeling lazy, use a boxed mix and put your efforts into homemade buttercream frosting. Unless you want to pipe decorations on, you could top it with candies, sprinkles, appropriate cookies, or microplaned/shaved chocolate. Try to keep the edges clean, and crumb coat first. Make sure you put foil or wax paper under the cake before frosting so you can take it away and have it look clean. Or you could do a sheetcake; nobody will mind. A purchased cake is also fine, if you value your time over your money. >>13752614 is an idea. Avoid red frosting. If you have a Costco membership, their shee tcake price is excellent,

[Anonymous No.13754804]

>>13753694
Good way to find yourself fired for not being a team player.

[Anonymous No.13754944]

>all those anons saying OP not playing along could get him fired
Feels good living in a country with sensibles labor laws.

[Anonymous No.13754979]

Holy shit why are some of you guys making it sound like some kind of huge problem? Just buy a cheap cake from the supermarket on the way to work that day and laugh about it with your coworkers.

[Anonymous No.13755183]

>>13754944
You don't think a company can't think up a reason to fire you thats less blatant?

[Anonymous No.13755194]

>>13752480
My personal favourite

[Anonymous No.13755200]

Carrot with nuts. Most people hate that shit.

[Anonymous No.13755212]

Beef Tartare cake.

[Anonymous No.13755226]

>>13755200
this.

[Anonymous No.13755236]

>>13755200
Carrot cake is fucking great tho

[Anonymous No.13755245]

>>13752480
> The IT Guy

Are you so cucked by a guy like this?
Get out of the office and get a Trade, that is where the $$$$ is.

[Anonymous No.13755249]

>>13752560
I like the look of them fun police, take that you dirty protesters.

[Anonymous No.13755252]

>>13755200
Carrot cake is fantastic. If you don't mind the work or expense, do this.

[Anonymous No.13755255]

>>13752480
in the age of virus, you cannot bring a share cake.

you should bring individual factory wrapped cakes for sanitation and safety. swiss rolls or twinkies or ding dongs of that nature.

[Anonymous No.13755263]

>>13752805
Cake is wrong.
Cake should say "His nads are in her hand-bag"

[Anonymous No.13755282]

>>13752480
>Should I just buy one?
Yes, if you don’t enjoy making cakes you should not attempt to make one, it takes at least a full day to make a decent one.

If you still want to make carrot cake, it does not require any special techniques and everyone likes it

[Anonymous No.13755283]

>>13752488
defense companies require this, as not everyone has the same level of security clearance

>>13752590
this looks delicious

[Anonymous No.13755365]

>>13753145
I've been wanting to find those screencaps for a while.
That was the funniest thing to happen here around that time.

[Anonymous No.13755468]

>>13752660

Found the NEET. That was easy

[Anonymous No.13755954]

>>13752480

[Anonymous No.13755988]

>>13752781
>It should not be, let me access your account to do god knows what.

But no one accessed ops account. He left something open, and the boss sent a company email out. Bosses can email their employees. Is there something you are missing here anon?

[Anonymous No.13755993]

man stuff like this reminds me why I will probably be an uber driver for the rest of my life. I am so arrogant and prideful that even reading your scenario pisses me the fuck off. I've been fired from previous jobs for refusing to do similar faggot things like that in the past.

[Anonymous No.13755997]

>>13752480
>if he ever sees that your PC isn't locked while you're gone, he'll send an E-Mail from your Account to the entire office announcing a cake for the next day
very based, we do the same at work
but usually people just grab some simple cake on the way to work, nothing too fancy or so

[Anonymous No.13756043]

>>13755365
What? The /k/ meetup with brownies full of cum?

[Anonymous No.13756050]

>>13755365
>>13756043
Found it.

[Anonymous No.13756076]

>>13752480
Not gonna lie, that IT guy sounds a bit like tyrant, but still based af.

[Anonymous No.13756081]

I like a good opera cake. Its nice but not too sweet.

Also
>actual social retards yelling at a guy who wants to fit in to the fun workplace environment by baking a cake

I truly feel sad for those that are freaking out over such a minor inconvenience with the only downside being the cost of a cake.

[Anonymous No.13756084]

>>13756081
>only downside being the cost of a cake
desu this isn't an issue if other people actually join in on the joke at work
it's a win-win for everyone, you get way more cake at the office, and people gather around to have a slice and coffee and such
it's very comfy

[Anonymous No.13756087]

>>13752480
Bring fish cakes. Be a smart ass.

[Anonymous No.13756088]

>>13756084
Exactly... like people are complaining for OP who wants to do this thing that ******might****** cost him $5? It seems like OPs office is pretty cool.

[Anonymous No.13756106]

Ross Ulbricht is in prison because he didn't lock his PC. If that's not enough for you then nothing is.

[Anonymous No.13756107]

>>13756106
Why doesn't system admin set it to auto lock?

[Anonymous No.13756111]

>>13756107
Wouldn't solve the problem. If the inactivity time is too short then it becomes a major nuisance that employees will work around. If it's too long then it doesn't offer any security against a real attacker.

[Anonymous No.13756115]

>>13752672
Don't want to be fired?
Don't commit unauthorized access to systems.

[Anonymous No.13756117]

>>13756076
The 'IT Guy' doesn't have a clue, you're supposed to leave the email written and ready to send, but actually not yet sent so that the user of the PC gets the message that bad thngs *could* happen if you leave your PC unlocked.

[Anonymous No.13756118]

>one autist crying about security and access control when he's clearly never worked in a secure area his entire life
Hey autist, what's appropriate handling of a breach of security depends on the security level of the facility. A playful email is an appropriate reaction in some offices. Leaving a room with three less lag bolts and three less washers than your manifest declares can be a firing offense in another.
You aren't an autist for having standards. You're an autist for demanding inappropriately verbose standards in less secure environments.

[Anonymous No.13756120]

>>13756117
yup, that should be the first warning, but this IT guy doesn't fuck arround

[Anonymous No.13756125]

>>13756120
If the company is under any sort of regulation such as HIPAA or PCI-DSS, then the 'IT Guy' is lining themselves up to be fired and prosecuted for unauthorized systems access.
t. actual IRL sysadmin.

[Anonymous No.13756136]

>"That weird guy has to buy a cake, haha"
>Show up with a homemade cake instead
I wouldn't eat it out of fear of either:
1. Potential for extreme lack of hygiene, OP pic related
2. He secretly doesn't like anyone so put some horrible shit in it you (hopefully) can't taste
3. It's probably just a shitty cake
4. Might set precedent for everyone to bake their own cakes thereafter

[Anonymous No.13756151]

>>13756136
and that's why everyone would think you're a retard
but thanks for explaining exactly why and how you're a retard

[Anonymous No.13756155]

>>13756151
>Don't eat a cake at work
>WOW RETARD!!
Gigantic kek, thanks anon. Needed a quick escape from reality and you provided it.

[Anonymous No.13756157]

>>13756155
nah mate if that's legit the thinking you apply to not trying a coworker's cake you really must have a sad life

[Anonymous No.13756169]

>>13756157
Yes, it's a quite crippling to not eat food provided by barely casual acquaintances from work for reasons no one will ever know. Fatal.

[Anonymous No.13756173]

>>13756169
what's likely more crippling is this paranoid distrust of your colleagues and people around you to the point where you can't participate in basic social activities even when there's free cake involved

[Anonymous No.13756179]

>>13756173
>where you can't participate in basic social activities
You're assuming I won't attend the event just because I don't want to eat the cake? Starting to suspect you're projecting when just inserting shit at random like that.

[Anonymous No.13756199]

>>13752480
try the GNU/GPL cake its one you have to compile yourself

[Anonymous No.13756230]

>>13752480
just make a chocolate cake.

[Anonymous No.13756291]

>>13752480
Just buy cupcakes. That way no one gets sick. Or just buy a cheap cake. Don't give effort unless you like them.

[Anonymous No.13756312]

>>13756291
Why would people get sick?
???

>>13752480
Do a real meringue buttercream, like swiss meringue buttercream. Filled cupcakes? It's the kind of thing that not everyone has had the chance to enjoy if they don't regularly get fresh cakes.

[Anonymous No.13756316]

>>13756050
lel, nice

[Anonymous No.13756330]

>>13756312
People are nasty. I have been working in office setting for 13 years there is always one person who doesn't wash their hands.

[Anonymous No.13756331]

>>13752480
Remember: Any job worth doing is worth doing well! Take this shameful lack of security's punishment, as an opportunity to show everyone you can do something great, and make everyone a memorable Monday morning treat.

It's the week of St. Paddy's ahead, so theme it with a irish creme bundt cake, or chocolate stout cake, or something with "irish butter" like an ooey gooey butter cake. Irish green colored, cheesecakeyy or minted layered brownies. Pretend some nice spice and fruit filled cake is grandma's irish recipe. Bailey's coffee cake is good too.
Can't do any alcohol? It'll bake out. Just don't include it in the icing. Throw in a few keurig cups of irish cream coffee as a bonus.

[Anonymous No.13756417]

>>13756331
I shit you not, some kind of recipe and I'd wear it was an irish or scottish one, most likely irish included cum as an ingredient, not sure if it was some sort of coffee drink of some sort

[Anonymous No.13756419]

>>13752480
same trick at my place. except here basically any coworker can send a marriage invitation mail or an "fuck this im resigning" mail and we'll all laugh it off because we are progressive, next-gen hardworking millenials unlike you boomzoom faggots

[Anonymous No.13756474]

>>13753249
based. make the normies suffer

[Anonymous No.13756516]

>>13752480
Hey they do that too at my husband's work.
Do you happen to live in the south west of France?

[Anonymous No.13757305]

>>13756419
This post went from "finally someone can relate" to "what fucking moron" real quick

[Anonymous No.13757315]

>>13756516
Germany

[Anonymous No.13757691]

>>13756050
I find the story funny, but that picture really does not contain any jizz.

[Anonymous No.13757704]

OP here.

I bought chocolate and stracciatella muffins.
16 total for € 6,00. They're soft, moist, cheap and tasty as fuck. I just didn't feel like risking baking a shitty cake, since my baking is shit. Thanks for the replies, I read them all.

[Anonymous No.13757713]

[Anonymous No.13757741]

>>13757704
>>13757713
what a fucking offense of a "cake" bro

[Anonymous No.13757751]

>working in an office

[Anonymous No.13757763]

>>13757741
if noone eats them i'll just take them back home and devour them myself. but knowing my office they'll all be gone within 45 minutes.

[Anonymous No.13757765]

>>13757763
not doubting it, but I'd feel scammed if I expected cake and got that shit instead

[Anonymous No.13757773]

>>13752480
Lawfag here. Is this in your contract of employment?

[Anonymous No.13757780]

>>13755200
Maybe if they toddler palates they do.

[Anonymous No.13757782]

>>13757704
Oh wait, you’re in the EU?

Yeah, this DEFINITELY won’t be an enforceable contract term. You should complain to your HR department.

[Anonymous No.13757795]

>>13757765
who the fuck doesn't like muffins, I'll unpack them and serve them on a big plate in the kitchen

[Anonymous No.13757810]

>>13757795
it said cake bro

[Anonymous No.13757818]

I bring in cupcakes and cookies just because I like to. Sometimes the boss brings in rum cake.
Then again my workplace is only 15 people big and only the girls will eat the sweets

[Anonymous No.13757822]

>>13757810
He owes them fuck all. There’s no loss to the company so he’s not required to provide them with any compensation of any kind, in any form.

You’re being a mug, OP. Just tell them to fuck off.

[Anonymous No.13757826]

>>13757822
wtf is a mug

[Anonymous No.13757868]

>>13757782
>>13757773
How American of you

[Anonymous No.13757874]

>>13757868
I’m not American, but nice try at a guess.

[Anonymous No.13757903]

>>13755988
Not that guy. Re-read the original post. He said IT sent an email out of his account company wide. I.e. impersonation.

[Anonymous No.13757906]

>>13752708
>Stop being autistic
Being told to stop being autistic by this guy.

[Anonymous No.13757919]

OP's scenario is likely fiction and he just wants a cake that is readily available that everyone would enjoy. Just so all the spergs who are foaming at the mouth know.

[Anonymous No.13757925]

>>13757906
Considering you bought an Apple product, you're clearly beneath autism.

[Anonymous No.13757926]

>>13752480
just buy some cheap sheetcake from the grocery.

You need to remember to secure your terminal, but he's still being a passive-aggressive cunt.

[Anonymous No.13757930]

>>13753228
Based tiramisu poster.

[Anonymous No.13758097]

>>13757765
Well, I'd feel scammed if I had to bring a cake to work for no actual reason.
Also better than OP baking some shitty cake, I can confirm that those muffins are indeed moist and tasty.

[Anonymous No.13758105]

>>13757704
>>13757713
Chocolate muffins are delicious

[Anonymous No.13758115]

>>13758097
you autists keep saying he has to, as if anyone has to adhere to joke corporate social contracts.

[Anonymous No.13758155]

>>13757822
If he wants to keep his job he does.

[Anonymous No.13758172]

>>13758155
Not if it’s not at the very least in his employment contract, chucklefuck. And even if it were, it’s entirely unenforceable as a term.

[Anonymous No.13758181]

>>13758172
Apparently you've never been involved in office politics before.

[Anonymous No.13758230]

>>13758181
Irrelevant. OP caused no loss, so he is not obliged to provide any compensation of any kind. Doesn’t matter if it’s a plastic container of muffins, or a photocopier. ‘Office politics’ means fuck all.

[Anonymous No.13758283]

you people are fuckin stupid if you think this is real.

[Anonymous No.13758912]

>>13758230
You've never been involved in them. Don't act like you'd understand.

[Anonymous No.13759051]

>>13752500
I think everyone understands the concept dude. It's just lame. If there's serious concern about leaving your computer unlocked, then there should be some professional accountability and a system of strikes/punishment.

Personally I wouldn't do it. If someone gives you shit say "ha, I thought that was just a joke"

If they really pressure you, ask to see the rules about making a cake in the employee handbook.

Companies should not be wasting an hour of your outside time, along with money, for small mistakes.

I know some will call me an autist or whatever, but it's best to dig your heels in and not take any shit from your company or its employees.

pic unrelated

[Anonymous No.13759070]

>>13758181
apparently you let other people push you around for no reason.

[Anonymous No.13759211]

>>13752781
>implying management gives a single fuck about system security

Yeah, found the NEET. If you're not in medicine or defense, they see IT security concerns as fat they can trim. Tattling to HR will result in a sticky note in someone's file at best.

[Anonymous No.13759527]

>>13752480
I killed an aunt with crabcakes. i didnt know she was allergic to seafood

[Anonymous No.13760249]

>>13753228
>make*A* tiramisù

Wrong

Make 2 tiramisù, but this is also wrong, 3, 4, 5, you can't have enough really, it's more addictive than crack.

[Anonymous No.13760299]

>>13753249
>Toss the mixture just before serving.
Yeah, in the trash.

[Anonymous No.13760306]

>>13752480
Dick cake with dick frosting
It would be so hot to watch everyone eat my cum

[Anonymous No.13760365]

>>13759051
This. 100%. OP has no legal or contractual requirement whatsoever to supply any form of compensation for something that caused the company no loss. This is a standard rule in both common law and civilian law systems, and it’s certainly the reason you can’t impose fines in the common law. To receive compensation, you must prove loss. That is the fundamental, core basis of all claims in tort, contract, and unjust enrichment.

And you all may think this doesn’t matter, but this is no different to the company demanding OP replace a photocopier because he didn’t turn it off or something (even though it still works), or OP be forced to work late without pay because his manager decides to make up some arbitrary rule about OP not greeting him properly that morning.

OP has no obligation whatsoever to do anything outside the terms of his employment contract, and certainly not to incur costs to himself (no matter how small). There is a reason employment contracts are a thing, and this is precisely the reason why - to stop employers just making up any old ‘rule’ and then penalising you for its infraction. ‘Office culture’, ‘just a joke’, etc. are all entirely irrelevant.

Know your rights, idiots.

[Anonymous No.13760452]

>>13752480
a single vanilla cupcake

[Anonymous No.13760469]

>If you leave the computer unlocked I'm going to breach your trust

Cool office you work in bud.

[Anonymous No.13760475]

>>13757704
>>13757713
this is a pretty shitty cop-out but I guess it's better than nothing

[Anonymous No.13760477]

>>13760365
>Cites labour law.
>Gets his two week notice a month later.
>Reason cited: Did not align with company values.
Enjoy wasting your savings on a lawsuit in a system rigged against the individual.

[Anonymous No.13760798]

I bought a cake leveler saw.

I feel a little bad about not just learning to get good with a long serrated knife. Is there anything else I can do with it or am I cursed to persist in this unitasker world of my creation?

[Anonymous No.13760815]

>>13760477
Nonsense lol. That would be grounds for a massive lawsuit.

[Anonymous No.13760938]

>>13760798
Get a cake decorating spinning platform.
Then cut while spinning it.
Or do the string/floth method.

[Anonymous No.13760963]

>>13753069
Excuse me sir, who are you even speaking to?

[Anonymous No.13760975]

>>13753069
australians opinions about anything are meaningless

[Anonymous No.13761356]

EAT THE CAKE

[Anonymous No.13761452]

>>13755993
What are you going to do when they either run out of money or replace you with a computer?

[Anonymous No.13761467]

>>13752805
This is on the right track. You will have to bring a cake this time, but make sure they never insist on this stupid rule regarding you ever again.

[Anonymous No.13761522]

>>13752604
>>13752618
>>13752660
>>13752708
Imagine being this autistic, holy shit

[Anonymous No.13761645]

>>13752781
The consequenses of you leaving your pc unlocked should be to have 5tb of bloatware shoved up your ass. It's super easy to steal company secrets by smoking next to a back exit and just walking in with other people.
>B-but I want a written warning when I breach company policy!
People like you are why data breaches are so fucking common. Thank god you guys don't have medical or otherwise important professions.

[Anonymous No.13761735]

>>13752480

[Anonymous No.13761746]

>>13761735
This or a crudely drawn pic of OP sodomizing the IT guy would've sufficed.

[Anonymous No.13761754]

>>13755245
/diy/ please leave.

[Anonymous No.13762213]

>>13759051
>>13760365
you both sound autistic. theres a difference between a company trying to demand a worker to provide free labour/time/food for others and a running gag or social obligation between coworkers who most likely have known eachother closely having spent 40 hours with eachother a week for years on end
youre inability to understand and confrom to harmless social cues and jokes are why neither of you get invited to parties
>>>/r9k/

[Anonymous No.13762221]

>>13759070
Don't step on the court if you're not ready to play the game.

[Anonymous No.13762261]

Just don't bring the cake. If anyone asks don't say these autistic reasons just say you forgot. bring it up again keep blowing it off

people will forget

[Anonymous No.13762362]

>>13753069
Not him, but:
You're the kind of guy who would sit back and say nothing while other men started fucking his wife.
The only one with a "fucked worldview" is you pathetic little piece of human garbage.
You deserve forever being the one people run over.

[Anonymous No.13763040]

>>13762362
how about you suck my fucking cock you literal pile of dogshit with no understanding of stupid ass jokes meant to lighten up days. fuck you, you fucking nigger cuntbag whore motherfucker. I'll fuck your wife and you

[Anonymous No.13763146]

>>13752504
This is why you're unemployed.

[Anonymous No.13763300]

>>13763040
>with no understanding of stupid ass jokes meant to lighten up days
Nothing in that post was meant as a joke. Now go back to your cuckshed and keep crying about people who have a sense of masculinity

[Anonymous No.13763371]

>>13762213
if it was some kind of silly punishment he could do at work, I would agree.

but they are trying to make him waste his time outside of the office, and spend money too.

[Anonymous No.13763438]

>>13752480
>Allowing the resident IT Gollum this much power over you.

Just laugh at him and carry on with your day, this is why the women in the office don't respect you. IT is full of beta power trippers

[Anonymous No.13763571]

>>13752480
Just buy a 7up cake or some other cheap beetus cake, if you really want to fit in. Personally I would bring nothing, without giving a fuck.

[Anonymous No.13763665]

>>13763571
are these or the orange ones any good?

[Anonymous No.13763678]

>>13752708
Jesus you’re a retard

[Anonymous No.13763699]

>>13763678
FUCK YOU

[Anonymous No.13763704]

>>13753069
>Hur dur ppl dont like you
I dont live to make other people comfortable bitch.

[Anonymous No.13763749]

>>13752805
>married a cutlet
lol

[Anonymous No.13763899]

>>13752560
I've seen this pic a hundred times, just now noticed the Orientals

>Oh, rook at dat!!

[Anonymous No.13763937]

>>13760365
>100%. OP has no legal or contractual requirement whatsoever
This is a dumb fucking statement.
Security is always a part of the contract. Proper punishment for security breach can easily be severe - firing the person on spot is not out of the question.
OP's company actually has a great approach where they actually avoid punishing employees for a major mistake while still providing motivation for not replying this mistake again.

You retards utterly lack any common sense.

[Anonymous No.13764266]

>>13755200
>carrot cake
>with nuts
>with raisins
>cream cheese frosting
>a la mode if you're feeling extra indulgent

[Anonymous No.13764277]

>>13752480
"Windows key" + "L"

this is beginner level personal security in any professional or work environment

[Anonymous No.13764280]

>>13763665
No.

[Anonymous No.13764329]

>>13753148
When I was in we would put them in the ceiling tiles so they were peaking out a little.

[Anonymous No.13764365]

>>13752480
what cake did you end up taking? I would've suggested carrot or black forest. also don't listen to the absolute idiots, things like buying office cake make work bearable and more fun.

[Anonymous No.13764417]

>>13763937
>avoid punishing employees for a major mistake

[Anonymous No.13764423]

>>13752480
Bring in those shitty mini cupcakes with the waxy green St. Patricks Day frosting

[Anonymous No.13765382]

>>13757704
>job was to get cake
>got muffins instead
If you'd pupped some frosting on them, I guess that would work.

[Anonymous No.13765404]

buy a shit one from the supermarket

[Anonymous No.13765429]

>>13752480
A bologna cake, also known as The Hurgin.

[Anonymous No.13765439]

>>13753145
weren't those brownies though?

[Anonymous No.13765496]

>>13752480
I... I have a tendency to be an ass about bringing cakes to work. For my boss' last birthday, I made a 3'x9" red velvet penis cake, frosted with ginger (colour and flavour) buttercream, filled with pastry cream, and complete with spun sugar pubes on the testes. I laid the beast out on (transported it on, more like it) a thin sheet of mylar - trying to make it look like it was just there on his desk - jabbed some "29" candles into it (dude's closer to 50), with a knife and fork all dipped in raspberry coulis into the head, and wrote in poorly mixed green-brown icing "Eat a dick!" in smeared cursive on the mylar.

He appreciated the effort that went into it. It made one girl uncomfortable, but she enjoyed the cake, and has me as "Rectum McCumbubble" in her phone now... maybe it's not the right approach for everyone?

[Anonymous No.13765829]

>>13752480

If you wanna appease everyone just do vanilla on vanilla.

If you wanna make friends make death by chocolate.

[Anonymous No.13765947]

>>13752480
Go to target, get a cookies and cream cake
they're cheap af and ridiculously good if you chill them in the fridge

[Anonymous No.13766048]

>>13756050
that is butter/margarine. not cum.

[Anonymous No.13766417]

OP here, final product. Success. People came up to me telling me i need to keep my computer unlocked more often

[Anonymous No.13766999]

>>13755263
Fuck off back to /Reddit. The smell of the dick on your breath is so strong it passes through the Internet.

[Anonymous No.13767026]

>>13766417
That's the first office I've ever seen with a dishwasher. Must be comfy.

[Anonymous No.13767171]

Everyone saying this is gay / dumb clearly have never worked in an office environment (or anywhere you fucking neets). The "correct" way for a company to go about punishing for this kinda shit is verbal/written warnings, so bringing a cake in is pretty fair. This kinda shit happens all the time at my place. Getting too drunk and showing up late, "accidental" destruction of property, gay security shit (doors / workstations unlocked). All is forgiven with a packet of biscuits or cake for more serious shit.

Everyone complaining about this or citing "labour laws" needs to take their fucking medication and get the weighted blanked out. Its just harmless workplace banter. If your in full time gainful employment and can't even fucking afford a cake unexpectedly you have much more serious issues.

[Anonymous No.13767418]

>>13763571
what the fuck is a 7up cake. Is this just a lemon cake