Roommate Stories

[Anonymous No.13472322]

I lived with a guy for a while who was criminally rich which was awesome but also dumb which had it's own perks
>teach retard how to make basic tomato sauce
>complains of garlic smell on fingers
>he buys stainless steal thing like pic related to get rid of smell in the future
>package arrives the next day
>"hey anon look what I got!"
Um, do you know what our sink is made of?
>blank stare
Stainless steel
>blank stare
So you could just rub your fingers on the sink instead of that thing because they are made of the same stuff
>"but this gets rid of the garlic smell"

He also had no concept of preheating the oven for the first 10 or so times he used it

[Anonymous No.13472332]

The inside of the average sink is absolutely foul. Kitchen sinks are the dirtiest place in the home. Even if you clean it you can't completely trust it because the garbage disposal will have food residue.

[Anonymous No.13472333]

>>13472322
those bar things are like a dollar and sinks are generally unclean. spoons are stainless though

[Anonymous No.13472348]

>>13472322
I need to get one of those things i have an enamel sink and silver flat ware

[Anonymous No.13472358]

>>13472332
>Kitchen sinks are the dirtiest place in the home.

This.

Not a roommate story but there was always a few friends whose apartments were a disaster when it came to the kitchen especially the sink. Just all sorts of bowls and pots and pans full of days old sauce and residue and stagnant water sometimes straight up mold on the water.

I never let it get that bad even when it's not my dishes I'll clean everything I don't care. I clean and rinse the sink afterwards as well.

[Anonymous No.13472362]

>>13472332
>he doesnt take 10 seconds to scrub down his sink with the soapy sponge after doing the dishes

its. not hard

[Anonymous No.13472373]

>lived with an alcoholic
>when he was sober he was generally okay
>polite, cleaned his shit up, did his part to clean the house although you had to bug him to do it
>when he drank that was another story
>played music loudly in the early hours of the morning, sometimes on weekdays sometimes weekends
>he would fall asleep doing this, I'd just straight up go into his room, see this motherfucker passed out with shitloads of cans/bottles and turn his fucking speakers off at the plug
>had no idea when he was going to come in drunk
>he would cook while blacked out and make a huge mess, which he always cleaned up to be fair
>he stole my beers once, didn't find out until he moved out

he also brought random, trashy as fuck women back to the house sometimes. i thought he was okay in general, always paid rent/bills and shit he was just annoying.

[Anonymous No.13472383]

>>13472332
>>13472333
>>13472358
you guys need to clean your sinks more than not at all apparently

[Anonymous No.13472402]

>>13472373
We had a bum hang around in college who was the nicest dude always said god bless you but one time I saw him when he was drunk and was harassing women and yelling lewd things
Alcohol is weird like that

[Anonymous No.13472422]

>>13472402
it was so weird, he was a well-spoken, smart and normal guy and then all of a sudden you'd see him one day with a black eye and bruising, like obviously had gotten into a bar fight the night before or something. it's just like the contrast was day and night. I didn't mind him because he kept to himself and never bothered me or any of the other housemates, but it wasn't nice seeing him live like that. what you said reminded me of that

[Anonymous No.13472431]

>>13472383
>>13472362
Even if you clean it the sink can't be trusted if you ever put food waste down the drain into a garbage disposal.

[Anonymous No.13472437]

>>13472431
Just rinse your fingers off after the rubdowns

[Anonymous No.13472456]

My roommate doesn't understand drying, he'll hand wash cups instead of just throwing them in the dish washer because he's that special kind of lazy who'll go out of his way to halfass things and then stack the cups up and be surprised when water that couldn't go anywhere hasn't left the stacked cups.

[Anonymous No.13472567]

>>13472456
my roommate refuses to use the dish strainer, and instead will "dry" them by wiping them down with a mildewy dish towel (of which he only has two, meaning they're used way way way too often between washing, and will also use as a go-to handtowel) and throw them directly face-down into the cabinet where of course they fester. he'll also leave a wet dish sponge without wringing it out, or leave it in the sink with all the rest of the junk, not even clean it or rinse it out properly, as if applying a few drops of dishsoap disinfects it sufficiently. I'm gross in other ways and I have a habit of being a nag to the point that I try to pick my battles more carefully to not be overbearing. but it's upsetting. That's not the system. It's gross, it's bad, I bought the fucking dish strainer and it went nowhere. He wouldn't even get cabinet liners.

Also fuck god fucking damn shit cunt fuck taking CLEAN GLASSES and placing them face-down. Yeah, the part where you put your mouth, that's exactly what I want touching the cabinetry.

[Anonymous No.13472575]

>>13472431
>what is drain cleaner?

[Anonymous No.13472579]

>>13472567

You put it face down so the inside won't collect dust and bugs.

[Anonymous No.13472581]

I only had to have roommates for three months of my life ans it was shit
>live with two filthy hippies
>fridge and freezer packed to the brim with rotting food
I swear i lived off of granola bars and croissants those three months and if i was home i stayed in my room.

[Anonymous No.13472592]

>>13472579
Unless you never use them, they'll never collect an appreciable amount of dust and why the fuck are there bugs in your cabinets?

[Anonymous No.13472605]

>>13472592
one day your gonna drink a spider in the middle of the night

[Anonymous No.13472608]

>>13472567
>Also fuck god fucking damn shit cunt fuck taking CLEAN GLASSES and placing them face-down
My roommate does that too and I fucking hate it.

[Anonymous No.13472642]

>>13472437
why not just run some water and use a fucking spoon?

[Anonymous No.13472682]

>>13472322
Why don't people just clean their hands more thoroughly with warm water and soap? I've never needed a gadget for garlic smell on my fingers.

[Anonymous No.13472707]

>>13472322
Will that make your asshole stop smelling if you stick it in your butt?

[Anonymous No.13472741]

>>13472358
You deserve some ass, homie

[Anonymous No.13472778]

>>13472373
Man, you guys with roommates get all the good stories at least

>makes bank and lives alone
>stories come from 4chan and the R word

[Anonymous No.13472803]

>>13472383
I clean it about three times a day.
>>13472741
did you drop your compost bin

[Anonymous No.13472806]

>>13472778
>makes bank
>sunbeam microwave, probably 900w
well you sure don't act like it

[Anonymous No.13472815]

>>13472778
>French and English words on the packaging

[Anonymous No.13472889]

>>13472605
There's nothing quite like drinking spidery fart water in the middle of the night.

[Anonymous No.13472896]

>>13472806
Why would I spend more than I have to on a shitty kitchen appliance?
Btw were you shopping around for one recently? How'd you know :p

[Anonymous No.13472900]

>>13472815
Shitscold.jpeg

[Anonymous No.13472905]

>>13472803
I had that shit in a paper starbucks bags and it fucking broken when I lifted it

[Anonymous No.13472906]

>>13472322
lived with a lonely belarussian guy who didnt speak English for several months while i was working at a pizza parlor in chicago. we were always broke but i always brought home bread and pizza and he smoked me out with shard every other day. hope you're doing good daniel

[Anonymous No.13472910]

>>13472906
where'd you work, I am also lonely and in chicago.

[Anonymous No.13472918]

>>13472900
hell yeah dude another 4 months of winter to go and we're good, thank fuck for legal weed

[Anonymous No.13472926]

>>13472910
>>13472322
Now kiss

[Anonymous No.13472932]

>>13472918
What province are you inside of? I'm inside ontario ;)

[Anonymous No.13472939]

>>13472910
i worked at the soprino's in lincoln park, it didnt work out for me there. i ended up going home after about five months through the winter. it was fun, though. i was so drunk and sad the whole time, i barely remember

[Anonymous No.13472944]

>>13472932
La Belle Province baby! Quebec!

[Anonymous No.13472953]

>>13472778
>makes bank
You sound like an ultra-twat.

[Anonymous No.13472956]

>>13472362
This. My sink is always clean. It's where I prep, wash and drain food.
>>13472332
Maybe for some soy faggot who would rather give money to a twitch steamer than do the dishes. Kys

[Anonymous No.13472960]

>>13472944
I met a french girl at a club in montreal once. She was talking selfies with her friends in a mirror and I photo bombed it. We hit it off, talked for a bit, didnt kiss or anything cus she had a bf. Told me to learn about the history of Quebec, as if it was some honorific history or something, idk. Do you?

[Anonymous No.13472962]

>>13472896
this september I moved into a place, first time ever moving into an empty apartment with a brought-along roommate, as opposed to moving into an occupied place with their own microwave. so yeah. also I work in building maintenance so I see a lotta folks' setups, I see that model in a lotta university students' apartments. went with pic related, 75 bugs on sale.

specificity is the soul of wit, I wanted to flex some truly useless knowledge.

[Anonymous No.13472968]

>>13472953
Yeah

[Anonymous No.13472979]

>>13472939
I'm sure we were being drunk and sad at the same time in relatively close proximity. 'tis the season. good memories eating sarpino's at least.

[Anonymous No.13472981]

>>13472962
Haha you're cute
It would be cool if you took a photo of every kitchen set up, microwave centered in the photos, and made a collage

[Anonymous No.13472984]

>>13472605
free protein, you're never gonna make it bro

[Anonymous No.13472996]

>>13472939
>lincoln park
too full of douchebags. Cool people live on the blue line

[Anonymous No.13473003]

>>13472567
>>13472579
>>13472608
Just for today's history lesson, glasses were generally stored right side up until the great depression, when the dust bowl hit like a bitch. Now it's one of those things that people, especially older people, think is "the correct way to do it," but it doesn't really matter which way you store them. Personally I switch them up every other one so I get more room in the cabinet. Carry on.

[Anonymous No.13473032]

>>13472981
here, have a uchicago sorority girls' instapolaroid tits for your troubles

[Anonymous No.13473046]

>>13472373
Honestly if you lived with an alcoholic and the worst things you can recall are playing loud music, banging women, making a mess but cleaning it up himself the next day, and stealing some beers one time, you got pretty damn lucky with your roommate

[Anonymous No.13473063]

>>13472960
>Told me to learn about the history of Quebec, as if it was some honorific history or something, idk. Do you?

Yeah I'm Francophone on one of my parents side and event went to French school so we learned all about the history and with aunts and uncles they'd get into politics and so would my friends and whoever else

On one hand yeah French Canadians/Quebecers have every right to have their language and culture protected and promoted and all that and they were kind of dealt a rough hand by Anglo Canada historically speaking - but on the other hand Quebecers treated natives as bad as anywhere else in the country and made damn sure that their language & culture is all but completely extinct and they also treated other poor minorities at the time like complete shit as bad as the Anglos they have a victim complex against.

Anyone who's proper Quebecer has as much pride about it as a god damn samurai or something. I don't care either way.

[Anonymous No.13473076]

>>13473032
Cheers

[Anonymous No.13473083]

>>13472996
yeah, i got a grasp of that pretty quick but i didnt come there to really make a life, i kinda was just foating and had a couple of friends who moved up there for school and offered me crash for a few weeks and get out, and i ended up finding a place and hanging around for a while since i didnt have much to go home to. i was also about 17 at the time. the slavs and the blacks were fun, I'm from the south so i had no problem making friends. i might go back one day chicago's a neat place

[Anonymous No.13473087]

>>13473063
What culture though? Besides language, it's the same? Also, what did the Anglos do to them that was so bad?

[Anonymous No.13473108]

>>13473087
>What culture though? Besides language, it's the same?
The way it is now, sure. There's still like "cabane a sucre" and "rigodon" music but that's more historical than anything, but our grandparents generation and whatever they were a lot more different

>Also, what did the Anglos do to them that was so bad?
Well they won the war of 1790 or whatever the date was when the French surrounded to the British and eve as far back as that people will complain that the treaties were unfair and that all the way up until like WWII or the 60s French Canadians were seen as second class citizen by the federal government and people in the rest of the country and also by the English speaking populations that were growing in Montreal and Ottawa/Gatineau.

[Anonymous No.13473702]

>>13473003
Neat!

[Anonymous No.13474685]

>>13472996
>cool people
>blue line
Only Mexicans, niggers, and soyboy hipsters live near the blue line, the only exception being the part that goes through the loop. You and your boyfriend should go back to wicker Park and hump, faggots.

[Anonymous No.13475058]

>>13472373
>he also brought random, trashy as fuck women back to the house sometimes
wew for a second I thought you were complaining about me but I guess not

[Anonymous No.13475069]

>>13472322
I dreamt about you and your dumb stainless steal soapbar thing last night. Thanks for ruining my night.

[Anonymous No.13475533]

>>13473046
Yeah, I didn't say he was a bad roommate. it's still weird living with a drunk though, I kept expecting him to be late with rent/bills, or worse yet ask for money or something but that never happened. he was an accident waiting to happen but at least i don't have to shoulder any of the responsibility anymore

>>13475058
i think you'd rather be an incel than have banged some of the women this guy brought home. literal Shaniqua's and white trash, almost as bad as Wendy from Breaking Bad

[Anonymous No.13475579]

>wanted to make pizza
>mate tells me to make the dough and he'll finish
>alright
>make dough
>he stretches it and puts in in the oven without sauce or anything
>"what the hell are you doing?"
>I'm pre-cokking the crust
>"a-alright"
>like five minutes later
>"hey maybe you should put sauce and shit on that thing, bro"
>hold on I'm gonna flip it first
>he flips the crust and puts it in the oven again, no sauce or anything
>"nigger what the fuck are you doing?"
>"I like it crispy on both sides"
Felt like I was eating toast with sauce and cheese. It was the first and only time I let him cook.

[Anonymous No.13475580]

>>13472322
I got put with a chinese kid my first year at college and this chink was weird
>stored everything in fridge regardless of whether it needed cold
>pots and pans were in his room, and he didn't use any of the cabinets
>big container of salt and a gallon of gutter oil were on the counter 24/7
>never cleaned the kitchen
>solid 1/4 inch layer of oil on the walls next to the stove and a layer of grease everywhere in the kitchen
>apartment smelled like a dumpster

sometimes I saw him using a slow cooker. it was usually filled with a god awful concoction of
>chicken wings
>peanuts
>whole raw eggs in the shells
>chopped cabbage
It smelled exactly like living poultry. He was weird, but paid his bills.

[Anonymous No.13475595]

>>13472581
>be too autistic to confront people about their poor behavior
>cope by subsisting on kid tier snacks
>FUCKIN' FILTHY HIPPIES!
you only have yourself to blame, spineless faggot

[Anonymous No.13475611]

>>13473063
>Quebecers treated natives as bad as anywhere else in the country and made damn sure that their language & culture is all but completely extinct and they also treated other poor minorities at the time like complete shit as bad as the Anglos they have a victim complex against.
so, they behave like every white ethnicity social group in the whole history of mankind?
imagine my shock!

[Anonymous No.13475691]

I only eat fast food so I don't use our kitchen, but my roommate always leaves dirty dishes everywhere and we have too many fruit flies.

Eventually his girlfriend comes over and cleans it up for us, which is good because I can ignore the flies and smell because im a goblin who never leaves my room except to go outside and smoke.

[Anonymous No.13475694]

>>13472373
lmao this was me

[Anonymous No.13476171]

>>13475579
hrm

[Anonymous No.13476199]

>>13474685
wicker park is completely gentrified, cool people haven't lived there for 15 years

[Anonymous No.13476271]

>>13472322
Lived with this guy for a year.

>gets sick, coughs all the time
>he kept leaving his "spit glasses" (glasses where he'd spit his coughed up phlegm) at random places in the house
>when he left for the holidays I had collected three whiskey glasses third way full with his phlegm laying around randomly

>takes early classes
>sets boat_horn.mp3 as the wake up alarm sound on his mobile
>every day when he wakes up we have to wake up to his https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrfyEetTC0k as well
>when he's passed out or hangover this shit would repeat every 5 minutes for half an hour in 6 AM in the morning

>he was weirdly obsessed with the original Lion King movie
>each day when eating he'd put the movie on and more than often finish the fucking movie completely
>he watched the Lion King songs in all languages (German, Afrikaans, Japanese, etc. etc.) available on Youtube

>this guy is now a professor

[Anonymous No.13476278]

Trst

[Anonymous No.13476311]

>>13476271
6 am isn't that early, though the horn blaring would probably be annoying.

[Anonymous No.13476314]

>>13476311
It is when your classes start at 11:00

[Anonymous No.13476369]

>>13476271
>weirdly obsessed with the original Lion King movie
Disney fucked up a lot of kids, I guarantee you he has TLK porn. Hopefully it's at least anthro.

[Anonymous No.13476374]

>>13476369
He grew up without a dad and he cried every time at the daddy lion king falling from the cliff scene.

[Anonymous No.13476381]

>>13476374
weird. sounds unhinged desu

[Anonymous No.13476382]

>>13476271
>sets boat_horn.mp3 as the wake up alarm sound on his mobile
Based nautical nonsense

[Anonymous No.13476389]

>>13472332
why did god invent bleach

[Anonymous No.13476405]

>>13476374
>daddy lion
Mmhmm.

[Anonymous No.13476443]

>>13473032
>uchicago sorority

Eww no thanks. The type of grills that join a sorority there are the worst.

T.Class of 2015

[Anonymous No.13476508]

my roommate fucked my boyfriend on my own couch even though he was straight
it was a good couch

[Anonymous No.13476515]

>>13476508
I fucked my girlfriend on my house's communal couch and no one else knows
They've been sitting in invisible cum for months

[Anonymous No.13476553]

>>13476515
trust me, they all fucked on that couch. honestly, why are people so uptight about stuff like that? I wouldn't really care if someone else had sex in my bed

[Anonymous No.13476559]

>>13476553
I wouldn't give a fuck either if they at least let me watch them.

[Anonymous No.13476563]

Don't know if this counts but I've moved back home a couple times.
>boomer dad thinks heating canned crap on stovetop high is no different from simmering
>gets autistic about microwave smellz

[Anonymous No.13476629]

>>13472900
On va s'en sortir
t. quebecfag

[Anonymous No.13476637]

>>13476553
Surely cum stains are there? Sadly, I'd likely be sniffing them.

[Anonymous No.13476850]

>>13476443
I thought you guys were all fuckin nerds ya big 10 dropouts

t. Northwestern alum

[Anonymous No.13476860]

>>13476553
my gf sublet her apartment one summer and she put down a plastic sheet and threw out the cotton one that goes over it when she got back

[Anonymous No.13476884]

>>13476850
For the most part yes. Thats why it takes a special kind of bitch that joins a sorority there.

But there are dipshits there too in the humanities like any school.

[Anonymous No.13476955]

>>13472373
I live with an alcoholic girl who brings home randos to bang all the time, she only messes up her own room and cooks dank food since she's worked at a bunch of the nice restaurants in town.

[Anonymous No.13476995]

>>13476955
Have you fucked her?

[Anonymous No.13477019]

>>13476995
I only fuck white boys

[Anonymous No.13477021]

>>13476995
Yeah.

[Anonymous No.13477233]

>>13477021
How was it?

[Anonymous No.13477387]

>>13477233
Good. Nice dubs.

[Anonymous No.13477434]

>>13472778
I only had a roomate when I was in the military. I just had a bad run of exwives. no kids though. Hopefully soon I'll have some.

Some things I had to teach women that I've been with:

1. Don't wash pans in the dishwasher.
2. put some butter in the pan when making eggs.
3. how to cook.
4. constantly trying to get her to pick up after herself, let alone her dogs.

Be careful who you get with. I gave up my heart to terrible women and stayed with them out of some strange since of duty and guilt.

[Anonymous No.13477521]

>>13472332
>hes too lazy to clean his sink
>instead claims sinks are uncleanable

[Anonymous No.13477539]

>>13475069
LOL

[Anonymous No.13478683]

>>13472322
I have an egg shaped version of this. It's handy enough, albeit redundant.

[Anonymous No.13479400]

>>13477434
yeah but did you at least get a Camero?