/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.13260258]

>sautee onion and garlic
>"wow anon that smells so good are you a chef or something?"

[Anonymous No.13260267]

>>13260258
>serve the meal
>"oh I can't eat this I don't like onion or garlic"

[Anonymous No.13260312]

>>13260258
>say yes
suddenly fat sets of tiddies in my face

thx /ck/ I cum on cat she hiss at penis

[Anonymous No.13260334]

>>13260312
chefs don't get girls

[Anonymous No.13260353]

>>13260258
>eww I don’t like broccoli anon can you not give me any?
>wow this is good what did you do to make it not bland?

[Anonymous No.13260622]

>>13260258
accept compliment and finish the meal. serve and enjoy with a glass of wine. finished

[Anonymous No.13260718]

>literally just rubbing garlic on toast
>anon that smells so good why do you never cook it for me?

[Anonymous No.13260729]

>>13260334
coked up waitresses count as girls anon

[Anonymous No.13260781]

>>13260729
Tbf, coked up waitresses and waiters tend to be hot in bed.

[Anonymous No.13260840]

This happened to me once, aunt asked if I was seeking a profession in cooking, I told her yes and that I was trained by Chef Gordan Ramsey. She said "I've never heard of him is he local?"

[Anonymous No.13260865]

>cook a burger correctly as to not let it lose all its moisture
>wow anon this is better than any I've ever cooked how did you do it

[Anonymous No.13260900]

>cook full rib roast for family for Christmas
>Everyone praises it, says it's extremely juicy and flavorful
>That one aunt that says it's raw and if I can cook her portion "properly" so she doesn't get sick
>cook it at 450* until it's literally jerky
> Anon it's still a bit underdone learn how to cook or let someone else handle the food
I'm glad she died.

[Anonymous No.13260903]

>>13260781
faggot

[Anonymous No.13260909]

my girlfriend doesn't like the taste of garlic


is it okay to hit her?

[Anonymous No.13260950]

>>13260900
Did she died from you undercooking her meat?

[Anonymous No.13260971]

>>13260903
Bi is arguably the best of both worlds, my dude. Lighten up.

[Anonymous No.13260976]

>>13260909
yes, make sure to hit a flat place such as the midriff, and keep your hand as flat as possible. the idea here is to increase the surface area of the slap to reduce the point pressure that would cause bruising

[Anonymous No.13260990]

>>13260950
I hope so.

[Anonymous No.13261010]

>>13260990
You cheeky motherfucker

[Anonymous No.13261014]

>>13260971
Heterosexual lifelong monogamy is the only world worth engaging in.

[Anonymous No.13261025]

>>13260971
>>13261014
how can you bring yourself to fuck a dude's hairy asshole

[Anonymous No.13261034]

>>13260900
ANYTHING I ever made my mother would cry about it being undercooked.
>full rib roast
She made one and cooked it to something like 175 because she 1) doesn't use thermometers and 2) fell asleep while cooking it because she's a fucking drunko.
Then she tried to guilt me into giving her money for booze, and now we don't talk anymore.

[Anonymous No.13261039]

>>13261034
okay we get it you want to fuck your mother

[Anonymous No.13261042]

>>13261014
Go back to /pol/ nigger

[Anonymous No.13261101]

>>13261014
Very much agreed. American degeneracy will lead to the downfall of the empire just like what happened in Rome

[Anonymous No.13261109]

>>13260353
>watch them cook anything
>they only add a tiny pinch of salt to mashed potatoes

[Anonymous No.13261125]

>>13261014
Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

[Anonymous No.13261212]

>>13261042
Ya seethin'?

[Anonymous No.13261214]

>>13261025

Just because you don't know how to shave and clean your hole doesn't mean gay guys don't.

How can you stand to fuck a woman's flabby bleeding axe wound?

[Anonymous No.13261232]

>>13261014
Nothing wrong with having sex with your girlfriend and her friend at the same time

[Anonymous No.13261248]

>>13261214
because it feels good and the vast majority of women shave/wax and biologically have less body hair
idk man I am so attracted to the feminine form I just can't comprehend having that attraction to a masculine frame

[Anonymous No.13261281]

>>13260258
>ywn have a gf compliment your cooking
>why live

[Anonymous No.13261371]

>>13261248
Gays are operating below the mental level of dogs. Literally not even human.

[Anonymous No.13261389]

>>13261371
How “below” when dogs will also gladly fuck humans?

[Anonymous No.13261399]

>>13261014
he's right you know

[Anonymous No.13261401]

>>13261025
Hairy ass is gr8

[Anonymous No.13261405]

>>13261214
are pouring bleach down your assholes? if not, enjoy that bacteria, shit dick.

[Anonymous No.13261421]

>start frying spices and garlic in oil
>wow anon that smells so good maybe you should become a real chef ;)

[Anonymous No.13261521]

>>13260267
anyone that says this eats NOTHING but fast food and has never cooked or had someone cook for them and is actively gaining weight as fast as possible due to childhood trauma

[Anonymous No.13261530]

>>13260971
>my dude
>bi
you should be banned from every board

[Anonymous No.13261750]

>>13260909
Let me give you some personal insight on the matter.

I've been with my wife for 10 years now. We met in high school, and I got her pregnant.
She is and always has been a lazy person and a shit cook. I wouldn't even mind eating shit food if she at least made it on time. But she rarely did.

We'd get into screaming arguments constantly about how lazy and worthless she was. I felt like an asshole for it, but goddamn she was a real piece of work. The only reason I dealt with all this was for the kids, and also because the sex is great.

But one night, I got fed up. Not only did she get drunk, neglect the kids, and made me top Ramen for dinner, but she decided to give me attitude too. She was being real fucking bitchy. So I told my grandparents to keep an eye on the kids and told my wife we were going to go out and have dinner together. I drove maybe 3 blocks to a quiet area (we live in Oregon, it's not hard to find a quiet field) and I got out of the car, went around like I was going to open her door for her and let her out, and I just beat the shit out of her while she was still seatbelted. After a few punches, I asked her if she wanted to go back to her parents. She started screaming and yelling and said yes, so I beat the shit out of her again. Then I asked her what she wanted to do. She finally got smart and said she wanted to go home. So I took her home and dared her to start trouble. I even handed her my cellphone and dialed her mom's number on the drive home. I made her talk to her mom, while daring her to fucking say something.

Before that incident, I had never laid a hand on her. But I had always threatened it. I told her "one of these days, if you don't straighten up, I'm going to lay hands on you."

All my meals have been on time, and she just recently tried to make a meatloaf. It was mediocre, but I was just thrilled that she tried.

Do with this information what you will.

[Anonymous No.13261785]

>>13261750

[Anonymous No.13261806]

>>13260950
This anon. If it’s not charcoal it’s pretty much reckless endangerment.

[Anonymous No.13262014]

>>13261750
virgin neet incel here, is this how marriage truly works?

[Anonymous No.13262030]

>>13262014
>not recognizing a LARPing faggot when you see one

[Anonymous No.13262038]

>>13260258
>start deep frying waffle cakes anywhere in America thats not more than a 20 yard walk from the nearest parking lot
>fatties detect the scent on the breeze and swarm you like flies swarming a fresh turd on a hot day in July

[Anonymous No.13262062]

>>13261750
Ah, delicious pasta.

[Anonymous No.13262209]

>>13261750
>first time I saw this pasta I thought it was edgy and stupid
>spend time in a relationship with a lazy ungrateful woman
Absolutely based

[Anonymous No.13262589]

>>13260258
another redditor pepe thread

[Anonymous No.13262603]

>>13260267
anyone who "hates onion" can go fuck themselves and I still put onion in the food I'll just fucking lie about it fuck off

[Anonymous No.13262957]

>>13261042
>be hetero
>FUCK OFF TO POL STOP BEING SO HOMOPHOBIC
>>>/lgbt/

[Anonymous No.13262967]

>>13260267
>>13262603
>Not placing a raw thin red onion slice on your burger.

[Anonymous No.13262977]

>>13260840
>not wanting to engage her autistic nephews behaviour
Pretty based aunty you got there, 'tism boy.

[Anonymous No.13262979]

People need to stop saying saute to describe any process of cooking stuff in a pan.

[Anonymous No.13262986]

>>13261014
Stimulate your prostate and you might feel otherwise

[Anonymous No.13263028]

>>13262986
better yet, do cocaine and you won't even want sex ya faggot.

[Anonymous No.13263034]

Kill all niggers and fags.

[Anonymous No.13263288]

>>13261025
there are other ways to have sex

besides "anal" is the most popular porn search, a dude isn't so different

[Anonymous No.13264512]

>>13261405
Are you retarded

[Anonymous No.13264944]

>offer dish to someone
>they rattle off 20 questions about the ingredients
>does it have onions?
>does it have mushrooms?
>does it have garlic?
>does it have peppers?
>does it have beans?
>is it spicy?
>is it bitter?
>answer yes to one
>"OH I CAN'T EAT THAT IF IT HAS (X)"

[Anonymous No.13265060]

>>13260258
Where are you that random people are accosting you of your cooking skills while you’re sautéing vegetables

[Anonymous No.13265677]

>>13261014
Just because i agree with you doesn't make you any less of a faggot

[Anonymous No.13265785]

>>13260900
>aunt asks you to overcook her food
>you actually do it
Cuck.

[Anonymous No.13265806]

>>13262967
>not grilling the onion before topping

[Anonymous No.13266926]

>>13260267
Get out of my house before I call the cops

[Anonymous No.13267005]

>>13260900
>>13260900
I’ve dealt with this and fuck that kind of behaviour. Should’ve just served her a lump of charcoal.

[Anonymous No.13267022]

>>13261232
In theory, I would love this. In practice, I feel like it would lead to things being really fucked up.

[Anonymous No.13267043]

>>13260258
I mean it does smell pretty good

[Anonymous No.13267044]

>>13264944
Better to have it for yourself then

[Anonymous No.13267070]

>>13260258
Why the whole jaded cunt act tho? raise them above their current level and have them be thankful about it, then you can extort a favor back from them unless you're some kind of beta fucknut....

[Anonymous No.13267955]

>>13265806
Fine for brown or white, but red onion loses sweetness when you cook it.

[Anonymous No.13267959]

>>13262986
That can be done with a toy. You don't need to involve a man.

[Anonymous No.13267970]

>>13261101
Good. Let it burn while Trump plays fiddle. We had a decent run.

[Anonymous No.13268808]

>>13265677
But it makes you as much of a faggot as him

[Anonymous No.13268810]

>>13261371
this bait is old

[Anonymous No.13269053]

>>13261014
based

[Anonymous No.13270286]

>>13260258
>"hey whoa don't add salt, that's unhealthy"
>"why doesn't this taste like anything?"

[Anonymous No.13270324]

>"anon you did okay but our moms recipe is better"
>Proceeds to get seconds and thirds
I love my mother but this new family she married into is fucking retarded

[Anonymous No.13271104]

>>13261806
Absolutely, I only eat meat that looks like it just flew into the Sun and back, its the only way to be sure

[Anonymous No.13271151]

>>13260258
>chopping onion
>haven't even turned heat on yet
>"Wow it smells good in here!"
Nigga you Shrek or somethin?

[Anonymous No.13271155]

>>13271151

[Anonymous No.13271159]

>>13262967
That's not thin.

[Anonymous No.13271237]

>>13260267
Ive already accepted myself as a picky eater. If the texture of the think im eating doesnt feel good my gag reflexes start to act up, its odd.
That being said if its hidden enough in a texture i like then i can eat it even if i know its there.

[Anonymous No.13271858]

>>13263288
That would be lesbian, milf, and hentai as top 3. Anal id up there but not tops.

[Anonymous No.13271866]

>>13264944
After the 3rd thing I would just ask point blank, "Do you want any or not?" because they're just looking for an excuse at that point.

[Anonymous No.13271874]

>>13271237
Texture is definitely a big thing, though. Having undercooked onion or bell pepper in a rice dish is just awful.

[Anonymous No.13271968]

>>13260258
kek always

[Anonymous No.13272054]

>>13261014
100% absolute and objective truth.

[Anonymous No.13272102]

>>13261034
don't be a bitch, call your mom and venmo her some booze dollars. She raised you, shittily maybe, but she raised you

[Anonymous No.13272107]

>>13261214
>woman's flabby bleeding axe wound

I've never seen someone try to cope harder with their homosexuality

[Anonymous No.13272117]

>>13261014

dude, I'm married to the same girl I met 40 years ago. Grandpa ain't getting his dick sucked like in the pornographic movies that seem to have gained such popularity on the Internet.
Get it while it's hot boys!

[Anonymous No.13272134]

>>13263028
>do cocaine and you won't even want sex
damn this is true. Years of IV drug abuse have crippled my libido. the last gf I had couldn't handle that and ended up cheating on me so I've tossed in the towel on dating.

[Anonymous No.13272354]

>>13260900
>Mom is an incredibly picky eater and eats meat burnt to hell and back
>Make deer filet from a deer that my dad hunted himself
>Cook it medium rare and accompany it with a nice horseradish and mushroom cream sauce
>Mom eats some
>"Wow. I usually never eat this kind of stuff, but this is really good."
Feels good.

[Anonymous No.13273057]

>>13271151
>Chopping onion

[Anonymous No.13273181]

>>13260267
my gran and mom

[Anonymous No.13273194]

>>13260267
only people who i've heard say thes have been women concerned about their breath

[Anonymous No.13273256]

>>13273057
Stick your tongue out while you chop. It protects your eyes.

[Anonymous No.13273288]

>>13273256
prove it

[Anonymous No.13273296]

>>13271151
>>chopping onion
Anon, you need to slice them into microscopically small pieces.

[Anonymous No.13273299]

>>13273256
I tried but my eyes are strained and overly dry and I'll probably end up losing my vision, so it makes it pretty hard to "cry" the onion gas out.

[Anonymous No.13273367]

>>13273288
million to one shot, doc

[Anonymous No.13274093]

>>13270324
>get seconds and thirds

God, America...

[Anonymous No.13274097]

>>13270286
i hate this one, fucking boomers who dont know the difference between salting dishes and excessive amounts of sodium in the pre packaged lasagnas they pop in the oven

[Anonymous No.13274099]

>>13260258

dumb frog

[Anonymous No.13274104]

>>13262986
Yep, massaging a bump in my ass is gonna change my values and view on life

[Anonymous No.13274205]

>>13260971
Based

>>13261014
Cringe

[Anonymous No.13274222]

>>13260971
Get aids and die

[Anonymous No.13274248]

>>13273194
Why dont women understand that if we're all eating onions together no one will stink? You can't detect onion breath if your breath is full of onion too.

[Anonymous No.13275480]

>>13260258
>Cook grandma some curry
>she eats two full dishes while in halfway through mine
>Fucking burps
>gets some whickee stomach aches
>anon in never having chicken ever again, chicken is dorty and makes me sick
And she never Fucking did, its been 3 Fucking years
>make grandma some stew
>she needs to eat more let and its tender so she can chew it better
>she Fucking loves it
>tomato extract breaks a Little and it goes off
>stew has nasty strong tomato flavor
>grandma complains i ruined it by adding spoces and meat shouldnt have spices i should ass Just a Little vinegar to it like she does with roasts
>doesnt want to eat my stew
>instead want to make roasts and beat about her secret ingridient to everyone
Yes i can taste the Fucking vinegar, it only tastes like vinegar you old boomer cunt

[Anonymous No.13276135]

>>13267005
Thats basically what I did after she complained.

[Anonymous No.13276143]

>>13261014
I agree, but only if the relationship is healthy. Needlessly grabbing onto a relationship that is psychologically harmful isn't a good choice.

[Anonymous No.13276151]

>>13273194
if only it was breath

it makes other parts stink like onion

[Anonymous No.13276157]

>>13261014
>Heterosexual lifelong monogamy is the only world worth engaging in.

[Anonymous No.13276172]

>>13261750
I beat my wife because she only had shit fits.

I've been with my wife for 10 years now. We met in high school, and I got her pregnant. She is and always has been a lazy person and a shitty dresser. I wouldn't even mind her shit style if she at least acted like she was trying. But she rarely did.

We'd get into screaming arguments constantly about how lazy and worthless she was. I felt like an asshole for it, but goddamn she was a real piece of work. The only reason I dealt with all this was for the kids, and also because the sex is great.

But one night, I got fed up. Not only did she get drunk, neglect the kids, and wear nothing but her stained sweat pants and a worn out baggy t-shirt for 3 days in a row, but she decided to give me attitude too. She was being real fucking bitchy. So I told my grandparents to keep an eye on the kids and told my wife we were going to go out to clothes shopping together. I drove maybe 3 blocks to a quiet area (we live in Oregon, it's not hard to find a quiet field) and I got out of the car, went around like I was going to open her door for her and let her out, and I just beat the shit out of her while she was still seatbelted. After a few punches, I asked her if she wanted to go back to her parents. She started screaming and yelling and said yes, so I beat the shit out of her again. Then I asked her what she wanted to do. She finally got smart and said she wanted to go home. So I took her home and dared her to start trouble. I even handed her my cellphone and dialed her mom's number on the drive home. I made her talk to her mom, while daring her to fucking say something.

Before that incident, I had never laid a hand on her. But I had always threatened it. I told her "one of these days, if you don't straighten up, I'm going to lay hands on you."

All her outfits have changed dramatically, and she just recently tried to pull off a crop-top. It was mediocre, but I was just thrilled that she tried.

[Anonymous No.13276208]

>>13260976
good tip

[Anonymous No.13276288]

>>13276157
That's what I was thinking. I've been in too many gym showers and saunas to know.

t. /fit/

[Anonymous No.13276421]

>>13261014
Based.

[Anonymous No.13276485]

>>13260258
>the pepes in his eyes dont have pepes in their eyes

[Anonymous No.13276694]

what have i done to deserve being sensitive to garlic... feels terrible after eating garlic

[Anonymous No.13276781]

>>13261750
Imagine being so pathetic you can't find a wife who actually wants to be a good wife and having to beat a whore into doing it.

You could have been an alpha and ruined her life, been in the market as a handsome dad with kitchen skills and an established life, but you decided to give her ammo.

[Anonymous No.13277819]

>>13275480
>cooking with Grandma
>"Anon, I think you're using too much pepper. That's stronger than you think it is."
>"Nah, it'll be fine."
>Whole family sits down to eat
>Everything was cooked and prepared perfectly, except anything I used pepper for had way too much fucking pepper
>Family laughs about it
>"You were right, Grandma."
>"Don't worry, it happens."
Why does everyone here have such shit relatives?

[Anonymous No.13277995]

>>13277819
you have good relatives privilege. you need to recognize it and invite strangers over as reparations

[Anonymous No.13278096]

>>13276172
>"one of these days, if you don't straighten up, I'm going to lay hands on you."

God, I wish that were me.

[Anonymous No.13278335]

>>13260258
>preheat oven while doing prepwork
>wow it smells great, what are you making?
>roasted air, so far
I guess it's just leftover drippings and foodbits reheating in the oven from previous meals

[Anonymous No.13278344]

>>13277995
I'm always happy to have friends over when I cook, in fact I had some over during that story. I won't cook for strangers, though.

[Anonymous No.13278347]

>>13260267
This is where powdered onion comes in handy. Fuckheads don't know what they're on about.

[Anonymous No.13278353]

>>13261039
>bitch about taxes
>"ok we get it you want to fuck the government”

[Anonymous No.13278355]

My gfs mother is fucking terrible at cooking yet insists we eat sunday meals together. She's a spinster and my gf is her only family in our city if you were wondering why. I made braised beef on Halloween and she liked it so she tried to make beef bourguignon like my beef stew I have made for her before. She used corn starch instead of roux and added maybe a cup of wine to the liquid. It was horrific and tough. I have no idea how she fucked up so bad. Even my gf complained afterwards. I have to live with her shitty cooking for the rest of her life. Lol, actually, this is what life is all about.

I'm stoked to smoke a turkey Thanksgiving and maybe make some pasties.

[Anonymous No.13278382]

>>13271237
I used to hate onion, was a very picky eater when I was young. Pretty much until I started cooking for myself. Don't know what did it but now I hardly make anything without onion and garlic.

[Anonymous No.13278404]

>>13278355
>My gfs mother is fucking terrible at cooking yet insists we eat sunday meals together. She's a spinster and my gf is her only family in our city if you were wondering why.
If you're serious with that girl it would be sweet to spend time all three of you cooking with her and her mother, maybe she'll pick up a few things and be able to feed herself decently.
I'm not gay btw if that matters

[Anonymous No.13278410]

>>13278404
People like that don't accept advice. Certainly not when it comes from a younger person. What they believed when they were 25 is all they need to know.

[Anonymous No.13278420]

>>13261101
t. salty slav or latino
If homosexuality was the destroyer of civilizations, Rome would never rise as an empire in the first place.
Not to mention Greece.
The whole concept of homoshaming, fueled by theologic dogma, is semitic in its origin, and now they use the resulted social vulnerability (along with that of other groups) for their own manipulative schemes.
>tl;dr
you clueless goy with flawed arguments

[Anonymous No.13278426]

>don't over handle my 80/20 ground beef when making burger patties
>"Wow anon, this burger is so juicy! What's your secret?egg yolks?bread crumbs?"

Why do normies insist on making meatloaf patties with lean mince?

[Anonymous No.13278438]

>>13278426
tastes like fast food burgers they're used to

[Anonymous No.13278453]

>>13278420
>dude without faggots ancient greece would have never existed lmao
imagine believing this

[Anonymous No.13278463]

>>13278426
I don't know. I took this redpill quite late. I guess I just listened to everybody around me.

[Anonymous No.13278476]

>>13278453
Stop warping my arguments like a 9 yo bitchie boi and answer how byzantium fell like faggots despite muh values.

[Anonymous No.13278514]

>>13260258
Literally every time

[Anonymous No.13278523]

>>13260900
This is why I hate cooking meat for other people

[Anonymous No.13278572]

>>13278410
She's so much worse than you would imagine. She's a nurse and told us once that if butter is solid at room temperature that it must be solid in your veins. NOT ONLY IS THE BUTTER DIGESTED, BUT YOUR VEINS ARE HOTTER THAN ROOM TEMPERATURE JEANINE.

[Anonymous No.13278576]

>>13261521
This is too accurate.

[Anonymous No.13278585]

>>13278426
>Why do normies insist on making meatloaf patties with lean mince

I think what happens is
>Normies buys burger meat
>Over compacts it when forming patties
>Burgers swell up and break apart when cooking
>"Durr I need to added something to bind the meat together!"

[Anonymous No.13278613]

>>13260909
With a sock full of garlic.

[Anonymous No.13279221]

>>13260971
hang yourself homo. Theres no "bi", you either suck cocks or you don't. lol

[Anonymous No.13279225]

>>13261214
Daily reminder that all homosexuals should be gassed and hanged

[Anonymous No.13279227]

>>13279221
>>13279225
>>>/pol/

[Anonymous No.13279229]

>>13261750
Didnt read a singular word. hang yourself

[Anonymous No.13279292]

>>>>/pol/

[Anonymous No.13279298]

>>13278347
>powdered onion
it's you who doesn't know what you're on about

[Anonymous No.13279320]

>>13279292
Haha I quote thing I don't like and attach a picture of the funny reddit man! I am so original heh...

[Anonymous No.13279323]

>>13274104
its really good tho

also, gays dont have anus monopoly

[Anonymous No.13279334]

>>13279320
>I link /pol/ to thing I don't like haha what a powerful statement that will surely change 4chan for the better

[Anonymous No.13279350]

>>13278572
You know, I'm not even going to bother about how stupid that is, I'm more concerned about the internal consistency here. If that's how butter works, what about cheese? What about bread? Dear god Jeanine, that's why you have to chop up onions otherwise you'll have whole fucking onions pumping through your veins! Jesus christ who let this person be a nurse

[Anonymous No.13279438]

>>13279334
BASED WE SURE GOT HIM HUH FELLOW /POL/cucks

[Anonymous No.13279451]

>>13279334

[Anonymous No.13279454]

>>13279451
>none of them are white
KEK every time

[Anonymous No.13279460]

>>13279438
>>13279451
ORANGE MAN BAD

[Anonymous No.13279470]

>>13279460
>/pol/
>projecting
ohh wow didn't see this one comming

[Anonymous No.13279479]

>>13278585
Burgers break apart if the patty is over/underformed or you press down on it while cooking.
IMO underhandling patties results in more cracked burgers.

[Anonymous No.13279507]

>>13279460
>/pol/ddit gets criticized
>/pol/dditors automatically jump to concluding that it must be because the person criticizing is a "trigger librul"

[Anonymous No.13279544]

>>13279470
ok nigger.

[Anonymous No.13279608]

>>13276781
reddit detected