/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.13193175]

>diarrhea'd all over the floor at kroger today
>didn't even realize I was shitting myself until I heard it dripping onto the floor
>worker saw me and said "oh my god", immediately put down my basket and beelined out of there
So does anyone on /ck/ get their groceries delivered? Where from?

[Anonymous No.13193195]

>>13193175
Pics of your Kroger's shits or it didn't happen

[Anonymous No.13193200]

>>13193195
Do you really think I stopped to take a picture?

[Anonymous No.13193207]

>>13193200
*sigh* I guess not. Nice dubs of honesty
...p-pussy

[Anonymous No.13193212]

>>13193175

why would I have some mcdonalds tier moron handle my groceries?

the food isn't the only reason I don't go to mcdonalds

[Anonymous No.13193216]

>>13193207
OP might just be trolling, but I've shit myself in public before. It gets to be a more common thing you have to deal with if you aren't in perfect health and make it to your 30s or 40s. Fiber doesn't help at all either, just gives me bad constipation followed by a massive torrent of pus, blood, and blood clot filled diarrhea.

[Anonymous No.13193220]

>>13193216
You're fucking scaring me. Is this true?

[Anomynous No.13193227]

>>13193216

>bad constipation followed by a massive torrent of pus, blood, and blood clot filled diarrhea.
>aren't in perfect health

[Anonymous No.13193230]

>>13193216
>It gets to be a more common thing you have to deal with if you aren't in perfect health and make it to your 30s or 40s.
Guess I'm killing myself at 29

[Anonymous No.13193235]

>>13193220
It is now with modern diet and amenities. Bowel disease is associated with well off developed nations, probably because of all the sanitation and food processing not giving your immune system anything to do so it starts attacking your intestines instead.

[Anomynous No.13193236]

>>13193220

No, he's dying. But it's true that "you can't trust a fart after thirty".

t. mid 30s fag

[Anonymous No.13193243]

>>13193236
>he's dying
Unfortunately not. It's pretty rare to die from that. It's considered a quality of living problem believe it or not.

[Anonymous No.13193247]

>>13193236
He also doesn't understand what fiber does lol...

[Anonymous No.13193256]

>>13193247
How do I not understand what it does? I didn't even describe anything about how it should work, I just described what happens when I try it.

[Anomynous No.13193258]

>>13193243

>Unfortunately not.
>Unfortunately

Exit bag bro. Not even trying to be mean; just, if you're really that fucking miserable, you have some options.

[Anonymous No.13193260]

>>13193235
>>13193236
T-t-thanks. I'm 32 now. Should probably off myself soon. No way I'm shitting myself in front of anyone.

[Anonymous No.13193264]

>>13193260
Why are you more worried about embarrassing yourself in public than you are about your body tearing itself apart from the inside? It's weird where people's priorities are at here.

[Anonymous No.13193280]

>>13193256
You said you shit yourself in public and fiber doesn't help. Well of course not, it's doing the exact opposite of what you think it is.

[Anonymous No.13193288]

>>13193264
Not much of a difference, is there?

[Anonymous No.13193294]

>>13193216
>bad constipation
>followed by a massive torrent of pus, blood, and blood clot filled diarrhea
I don't think that's normal. If you're talking about insoluble fiber, it alleviates constipation and can help cleanse the colon, so you might want to get checked out if you're not baiting.

[Anonymous No.13193295]

>>13193280
What do you think I'm thinking it does? And what do you think it does?

[Anonymous No.13193297]

>>13193260
Don't eat fast food / trash and you'll be ok. You can even still eat food that's "bad" for you, just don't eat greasy junk.

[Anonymous No.13193305]

>>13193295
I know It doesn't cause blood and pus to come out of my ass. I have no idea what you're thinking because I'm not able to relate to morons who take fucking fiber when they're literally shitting themselves in public everyday.

[Anonymous No.13193310]

>>13193294
Not everyone reacts the same way to fiber intake (soluble or insoluble). If you look at the research on it it's all over the place.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3435786/
>Whilst it is often stated in physiology textbooks that bulking agents improve peristalsis, there is no proof of this in practice nor experimentally. Regardless of the food ingested, small intestinal and right mid colonic contents are fluid and all ingestible dietary fiber is suspended therein. Dietary fiber, therefore, cannot act as solid boluses for the initiation of peristalsis. In fact, dietary fiber had been shown to retard peristalsis and hold up gaseous expulsion in human experiments[22].
>Dietary fiber is also associated with increased bloatedness and abdominal discomfort[22]. Insoluble fiber was reported to worsen the clinical outcome of abdominal pain and constipation[18-20]. In our recent study, patients who followed a diet with no or less dietary fiber intake showed a significant improvement, not just in their constipation, but also in their bloatedness. Patients who completely stopped consuming dietary fiber no longer suffered from abdominal bloatedness and pain. These symptoms are caused by the fermentation of dietary fiber by colonic bacteria, which produces hydrogen, carbon dioxide and methane[23]. Gases that are trapped by peristaltic colon exert pressure on the walls, causing the abdominal pain experienced by patients.
>In conclusion, contrary to popularly held beliefs, reducing or stopping dietary fiber intake improves constipation and its associated symptoms.

[Anonymous No.13193314]

>>13193305
>I'm not someone else
Wow, great observation.
>Why would you take fiber to try to become more regular with your bowel movements?
Why are you asking this?

[Anonymous No.13193329]

>>13193305
>literally shitting themselves in public everyday
Nobody has claimed that here though. How are you going from it's happened to it's happening every day?

[Anonymous No.13193378]

>>13193220
Has this ever happened to your dad?

No?

Ok so it doesn't happen to everyone and he's just trolling.

[Anonymous No.13193397]

>>13193378
Has there ever been an overweight population that was 60-70 percent of the general population, or an autism rate that doubled in 15 years?
>it doesn't happen to everyone
When did anyone say it happens to everyone?

[Anonymous No.13193400]

All I wanna say is that when I increase fiber intake I take golden shits. Super smooth and when wiping it's instantly clean. Fucking magic.

[Anonymous No.13193402]

>>13193378
>Has this ever happened to your dad?

Yes. He had colon cancer.

[Anonymous No.13193414]

>>13193378
>>13193378
My dad has Ulcerative Colitis. He usually avoids going out more than he has to, although some people with it get the ostomy bag and then you wouldn't have to worry at all about it.
Also I'll second this:
>>13193264
>Why are you more worried about embarrassing yourself in public than you are about your body tearing itself apart from the inside? It's weird where people's priorities are at here.
I don't think anyone with intestinal problems cares that much about the embarrassment part compared to the extreme level of suffering that condition means for you.

[Anonymous No.13193494]

>>13193216
Anon, you're dying

>>13193236
You too.

[Anonymous No.13193540]

>>13193230
This is fucking bullshit, this doesn't happen unless you're near death or some shit. These fucking morbidly obese fucks can fuck off.

[Anonymous No.13193556]

>shit yourself in public
peak america

[Anonymous No.13193557]

>>13193216
You're dying, honey. That's not remotely normal.

[Anonymous No.13193566]

>>13193310
Fiber absolutely works as a laxative though?

[Anonymous No.13193576]

>>13193540
>this doesn't happen unless you're near death or some shit
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/14724807
>A population-based cohort from Copenhagen County comprising 1160 patients diagnosed with ulcerative colitis between 1962 and 1987 was followed-up until 1997 to describe survival and cause-specific mortality.
>A total of 261 deaths occurred, not significantly different from the expected number of 249 (SMR, 1.05; 95% CI, 0.92-1.19).
Alternatively, you could just look at all the pictures online taken of people who've shit themselves in public places like at Walmart. You definitely don't need to be dying for this to happen.

[Anonymous No.13193589]

>>13193566
>Fiber absolutely works as a laxative though?
What do you mean by "absolutely? Didn't work that way here:
>>13193310
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3435786/
>It is well known that increasing dietary fiber increases fecal bulk and volume. Therefore in patients where there is already difficulty in expelling large fecal boluses through the anal sphincter, it is illogical to actually expect that bigger or more feces will ameliorate this problem. More and bulkier fecal matter can only aggravate the difficulty by making the stools even bigger and bulkier. Several reviews and a meta-analysis had already shown that dietary fiber does not improve constipation in patients with irritable bowel diseases[18-21].
I'm sure it's worked as a laxative for some people though. Almost anything could work as a laxative for some people since all that's required is it irritates your intestines enough to get them moving. Just getting stressed out works as a laxative for some people in that sense.

[Anonymous No.13193597]

>>13193589
I only had to take them once but I’m pretty sure laxatives are fiber and they def work

[Anonymous No.13193601]

>>13193216
Truly excellent bait

[Anonymous No.13193611]

>>13193597
Which laxative are you talking about?
Drinking a bottle of magnesium citrate is obviously not the same thing as eating a Metamucil wafer. When people say they're taking fiber to try to help with constipation they're usually taking something like the latter and not the former.
Constipated people also do use laxatives sometimes for short term relief, but that's different from adding fiber to your diet. Nobody consumes colonoscopy prep laxatives as a way to "add more fiber to your diet."

[Anonymous No.13193615]

>>13193175
I had a boil on my buttcheek once but took no notice and tried to ignore it since i didnt have a plaster and didnt think it would pop.
I sat down in the waiting room, i went in saw the doctor(who didnt say anything btw even though she looked at my back) i walked out through the waiting room and everyone was looking at me as i walked past like i had shit myself. Got home and there was a big red mark on the back of my trousers from where the boil had popped and bled through.

[Anonymous No.13193616]

>>13193601
It's not bait. You haven't been here very long, have you? We've had bowel disease / ostomy bag threads before. A lot of posters here have it, which shouldn't be too surprising since ulcerative colitis and crohns has two peaks for diagnosis age and one of those peaks is right around the age most 4chan users are.

[Anonymous No.13193668]

>>13193175
this is really embarassing desu
I don't think you should go there ever again

[Anonymous No.13193672]

>>13193668
I don't intend to, that's why I was asking where to get groceries delivered from but then a bunch of old people hijacked my thread

[Anonymous No.13193743]

SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART SHART IN MART

[Anonymous No.13193750]

>>13193260
Me too, only accident I ever had was stuck in traffic on my way to work when I was like 24, it was not a fart.... it was the worst day ever...

[Anonymous No.13193760]

>>13193616
14?

[Anomynous No.13193789]

>>13193672

That's why you don't include an image or a story more interesting to us than your actual question. You did this to yourself broseph.

[Anonymous No.13193889]

I shit my pants at school yesterday.

Plus it was really hot out and I started to sweat. I'm 18 years old and I'm 277lbs so I sweat really easily. Plus my face is greasy and I have huge man tits. And I wear lame clothes that make me look like a loser. Anyway I was sitting next to this really hot chick when I was trying to squeeze my ass cheeks together to try not to fart. I didn't have the strength to hold it. But it wasn't a fart that came out. It was warm shit butter. And it went all over my briefs. I couldn't move. Every time I went to shift my ass, I felt the steaming pile press against my ass flesh. I started to notice a smell right away. I knew for sure the girl next to me did too. I kept eyeballing her and I noticed that she was making strange facial expressions, as if she was smelling something bad. When class was over and I stood up, I had the uncomfortable and nerve tensing feeling of shit in my pants. I could swear that when I was walking, some of the shit dripped down my baggy jeans and down my legs. Oh God, it just happened yesterday. I hate myself. Everyone hates me. I smelled like shit through out the entire day. I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself.

[Anonymous No.13194278]

>>13193175
What you do is take a shit at home, make sure you're clean and dressed, go out and buy groceries, go home and prepare your food yourself.

[Anonymous No.13194290]

Not your personal blog. Fuck off retard

[Anonymous No.13194310]

>>13193889
you in college? anyway, you get the motivation to workout and maybe eat a little better and youd be surprise how much improvement youll see. you can get out of that rut, good luck. try /fit/ for motivation

[Anonymous No.13194361]

}:^I
This thread is fucking gross

[Anonymous No.13194416]

>>13193889
pasta

[Anomynous No.13194460]

>>13194361

welcome to 4chins kid
prepare to be swallowed up buy the internet haet machine

[Anonymous No.13194502]

>>13193216
that boy aint right.

[Anonymous No.13194514]

>>13193175
yea I do my main shop from tesco online every 2 weeks. I can drive and there's a tesco closeby but I just appreciate the convenience and expanded selection. It's also easier to save money when you can easily search offers, so the small delivery charge probably evens out.

[Anonymous No.13194517]

>>13193175
Years ago when I worked at Kroger I was on my way to the breakroom and spotted a trail of brown dots on the floor going down the aisle I was in
I turned the corner and saw an elderly woman with straight up liquid shit just pouring down her leg
I took my break and let somebody else deal with it

[Anonymous No.13194534]

>>13193305
you gotta piss you better piss in yo pants

you gotta shit you better shit in yo pants

[Anonymous No.13194542]

>>13193175
To answer you, check out instacart it’s pricey when it comes to the shipping but the convenience of laying in bed while someone else shops for you is great

[Anonymous No.13194577]

>>13193175
Americans please, this is too much, please, I begg you reconsider your whole lifestyle.

[Anonymous No.13194583]

>>13194460
"the internet hate machine" died long time ago, only shit-tier content now, but I gotta admit /ck/ is specially good

[Anonymous No.13194593]

>the amount of projection in this thread
Fucking lol.
OP, just wear a diaper. Tell people you were in an accident or some shit and lost control of your bowels. Full proof plan. Nothing wrong could happen.

[Anonymous No.13194596]

>>13193576
You're all retards who shouldn't need to think about this very hard at all. If any of this was true, you yourself could ask anyone in the age bracket described about the state of their bowels and they would tell you it's a shattered mess down there and all the pipes are leaking. But that simply isn't the case. And when you walk through Wal-Mart, you don't see streaks of shit trailing behind every 30 year old boomer and gen X'er. Again, anon is projecting a faulty, mutated reality on greater anonymous because he is either a homosexual with a loose sphincter, morbidly obese, or an anxious wreck who can't control his emotions, let alone his bowels.
Anecdotes are only valuable when they come from boring, unremarkable people.

[Anonymous No.13194616]

this is the best thread on /ck/ right now

[Anonymous No.13194618]

>standing on my front porch yesterday morning looking at the sunrise
>feel warm wet pasty sensation running down my leg
I sometimes literally just shit myself doing absolutely nothing but standing still. I shit myself about one a week now with no warning or sensation other than the shit on my skin.
Most of my pelvis is pretty numb so I only notice it by the time it gets down to my leg.

[Anonymous No.13194622]

>>13194577
Based empathetic Euro. You are such a rare creature.

[Anonymous No.13194632]

>>13193175
>>13193216
>tfw Amerishart meme is real

[Anonymous No.13194633]

Everyone I've ever met who shits themself is a grossfag who thinks any decision is one they can live with until the consequences hit and they rage and ideate suicidally.

[Anonymous No.13194654]

>>13194596
>durr, why don't you hear more people talking about their bowels?
I don't know anon, it's a mystery.
>when you walk through Wal-Mart, you don't see streaks of shit trailing behind every 30 year old boomer and gen X'er
Nobody claimed everyone gets intestinal problems or even that people with intestinal problems are shitting themselves every single time they go to a store. Where are you getting this from?

[Anonymous No.13194667]

>>13194618
Same, this becomes a normal occurrence once you get past the age of 23

[Anonymous No.13194674]

Is sharting a patriotic act in burgerland?

[Anomynous No.13194685]

>>13194583

>died a long time ago

I know bro, I was there; hence the slightly bitter sarcasm.

[Anonymous No.13194691]

>>13194674
Nah, it's most likely the excessive sanitation and lack of any stimulation for the immune system that causes it to start attacking your intestines. Also it's like the kindling effect in epilepsy where once it starts happening the process gets more and more likely to recur and become more severe. You have a lot of people with more serious chronic diseases of the GI tract first presenting with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), which is basically just getting diarrhea and/or constipation frequently despite not having a bacterial infection or virus that could explain it. There's a strong connection between the stress hormone cortisol and intestinal inflammation too, with cortisone being used as one of the main treatments for trying to get IBD (inflammatory bowel disease) under control.

[Anonymous No.13194692]

>>13194685
I identfy u as post 2012 fag unless ur one of those that coverted to their religion

[Anonymous No.13194703]

>>13194691
so what's causing it?

[Anonymous No.13194720]

>>13194703
>what's causing it
Isn't that what I just wrote about?

[Anonymous No.13194726]

>>13194654
>nobody said that everybody
Shut up, retard. The fifth post in this thread states that shitting yourself and bowel issues get to be a common enough thing if you, and I quote, make it to your 30s or 40s and aren't in perfect health. Which nearly everybody does and is. So go suck start a shotgun, faggot.

[Anonymous No.13194734]

>>13194654
The post right below you claims it. Sorry, I was speaking in a future tense.

[Anonymous No.13194745]

>>13194726
If nearly everyone is in perfect health in their 30s and 40s then that post you're referring to means it's definitely not "everybody." Again, I don't know where you're getting this from. If you had said almost *nobody* is in perfect health then your argument would make sense here.

[Anonymous No.13194751]

>>13194720
Illnesses, but what is causing the illnesses? Stress? Really?

[Anonymous No.13194765]

>>13194751
I mentioned sanitation too. These are known as "diseases of affluence," meaning they show up a lot more in developed nations than they do in third world countries. The idea is your immune system has nothing to do in an overly sterile environment so it starts attacking your intestines instead.

[Anonymous No.13194776]

>>13194765
holy shit son, that's fucked up, but it seems to me that it might have more to do with the fucked up shit they're eating 2bh

[Anonymous No.13194800]

>>13194776
>it seems to me that it might have more to do with the fucked up shit they're eating 2bh
That's what everyone thinks at first. One of the first things GI doctors tell you is that IBD isn't caused by diet, though what you eat could potentially act as an irritant for an already ulcerated intestinal lining, which is why you're usually told to avoid fiber (low residue diet).

[Anonymous No.13194824]

>>13194776
More like the fucked up shit they're not eating

[Anonymous No.13194825]

>>13194745
The topic of discussion is comprised of those relevant to the topic, in this case those with bowel issues, stated by the progenitor of the argument to be those who make it to an age where bowel issues become common. Nearly everybody in this thread will make it to that age, statistically speaking, and so nearly everybody in this thread, according to the logic of aforementioned progenitor, will have bowel issues. In response to the outbreak of fear among those doubting the claim, I have stated simply that this is absurd and for reasons that still stand owing to your inability to effectively refute. "Everybody" in the case of this argument does not allow for the existence of outliers, for the premise was absurd so shall be the responses. Set your dryer to perm press and crawl inside.

[Anonymous No.13194860]

>>13193576
>Alternatively, you could just look at all the pictures online taken of people who've shit themselves in public places like at Walmart. You definitely don't need to be dying for this to happen.
Why the fuck would I look at a bunch of utterly degenerate freaks to determine what normal people do?

[Anomynous No.13195322]

>>13194692

circa '07

[Anonymous No.13195623]

OP here, just want to mention that shitting myself is not a common occurrence for me, I just had 50 hot wings the day before.

[Anonymous No.13195999]

>>13194632
Actually this. Lmao fucking amerilards, kys.

[Anonymous No.13196000]

>>13193556
We truly live in a good time

[Anonymous No.13196033]

>>13193220
It happens to everyone over the age of 30, yeah. It's like every other day you have a 50% chance of diarrheaing yourself in public.

[Anonymous No.13196043]

>>13196033
I second this. Life sucks after 30

[Anonymous No.13196058]

>>13196043
It does yeah, but not cause I'm constantly worried about shitting myself wtf is wrong with you people

[Anonymous No.13196062]

>>13196058
You got baited my son

[Anonymous No.13196069]

>>13193175
I was playing blackjack all night at a casino drinking heavily and hadn't eaten all day. Suddenly started hearing a throbbing roaring in my ears with my vision going monochrome and woke up with EMT's hovering over me. Yeah, I'd both shit and pissed my pants. When I stood up, I could feel the dump sagging in my pants and see the enormous piss blot in the front of my pants. Pretty embarrassing really.

[Anonymous No.13196074]

>>13196069
Did they say what the cause of death was?

[Anonymous No.13196190]

>>13196069

[Anonymous No.13196200]

>>13196069
Shit yourself so you don’t have to leave the table ashamed that you’re down, that’s smart

[Anonymous No.13196205]

>>13196069
Just because you were too drunk?

[Anonymous No.13196230]

>>13196190
lmfao

[Anonymous No.13196252]

>>13196190
holy kek

[Anonymous No.13197323]

>>13193216
that's not normal, m8.
You probly have an undiagnosed condition like ulcerative colitis or something.

[Anonymous No.13197341]

>>13193216
t. Degenerate alcoholic. I would know, the only times I've shit blood were when I've been on benders of drinking 18 beers a night. The diarrhea is the fucking worst from drinking 2000 calories of shit beer.

[Anonymous No.13197388]

>>13194765
So I should rip carrots out of the ground and eat them raw like man was born to?

[Anonymous No.13197906]

>>13193743
This so much

[Anonymous No.13197944]

>>13197341
>18 beers a night.
Pfft. Thats pussy shit. I’ve downed a twelve pack, a half a dozen shots, and then driven home

[Anonymous No.13198024]

>>13197944
>t. Casper

[Anonymous No.13198107]

Fucking hell mate how do you not realise your shitting your self? I'm guessing your either old as fuck or you've been ass fucked so much that your sphincter no longer works.

[Anonymous No.13198124]

>>13198107
this is the answer, everyone itt thinking it's normal to shit yourself is obviously a huge faggot with a resting anal diameter of several meters

[Anonymous No.13198146]

HEY YOUNG LADY WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP HITTING THE LITTLE DEFENSELESS BOY

[Anonymous No.13198151]

>>13197944
You call that drinking? I've had twelve boilermakers, thirteen shots of gin, half a bottle of wine, then driven a busload of orphans up a narrow mountain road.

[Anonymous No.13198165]

>>13198151
Bahahahahah look at this big boy over here! Nigger, i just shotgunned a whole handle of vodka and funnelled a glass of pure alcohol down my rectum, plus an entire pack of clonazepam and popped a few barbs. I'll be flying the air force one for the president when the clonny kicks in. Little bitch

[Anonymous No.13198170]

As an American there is never a waking moment I am not shitting my pants

[Anonymous No.13198207]

>>13198170
Based and patriotic-pilled. Thank you for your service sir, truly the standards all Americans should live by

[Anonymous No.13198232]

>>13198107
>>13198124
It was pure liquid, the same consistency as sweat.

[Anonymous No.13198267]

This is a fun thread. I like it. Thank you.

[Anonymous No.13198307]

>>13198232
could I see an image of your anus? it sounds like it might break the world record for anal diameter