/ck/ - Food & Cooking

Which part of that retarded faggotry was supposed to be humorous?

>>13055162
Lighten up mate

>>13055152
good post kek

>>13055167
Sure. Let me "lighten up" and then end up being brainwashed into be a literal faggot cocksucker.

>>13055162
That was one of the most popular threads back in the day, newfag.

>>13055152
Imagine making up a story and coming Up with some lame ass shit like that

Here's my /ck/ humor
One time I made sandwich
But it was actually soup! XD

>>13055281

>>13055281
Huh?

>>13055272
You seem really on edge

Try having sex

>>13055309
I'm not married.

>>13055272
fuck off poltard

>>13055281
epic

>>13055313
try it anyways

One time i put banana in microwave....
And it EXPLODE !!!!!

>>13055403
you need a better microwave

>>13055152
>this totally happened
I'll give you a true Subway story
>friend visits me in college
>I attend UCSB and live in Isla Vista, the adjacent college town notorious for partying and Elliot Rodgers
>he arrives, we go straight to some random party in some random house
>within two hours we've both left with our own girl and gone to her place
>I wait for the bitch to pass out then text my friend my address and go back there
>he shows up the next morning looking absolutely drained
>apparently the girl he hooked up with was a total freak
>first she blew him under pickup truck in the middle of the street
>they couldn't wait to get back to her place
>he ends up passing out at her place around 4 am after she forces him to eat her sweaty unwashed ass
>it's now 8 am
>he falls asleep in my bed while I play some xbox in the same room
>suddenly I hear him yell "What the fuck!"
>I look over to see him looking down his own pants in disbelief
>"My pubes are shaved!"
>he gets out of my bed
>pubes falling everywhere
>suddenly his ear starts hurting
>feels all plugged up
>I give him a q-tip
>he scoops out a wad of peanut butter than somehow got stuffed in his ear
>we're confused as fuck for a while
>his memory is hazy so we have no idea what the fuck that crazy bitch did to him
>ok whatever, let's get some food
>walk to Subway
>forgot what he ordered but he told the wetback behind the counter no onions
>gets his sandwich and leaves to visit his cousin
>a few minutes later I get a text from him
>I TOLD THAT FUCKER NO ONIONS

>>13055275
Every knife my father owns ends up looking like that.

>>13055457
>>13055449
cringe

>>13055470

>>13055423
Too long didnt read

>>13055363
Accurate

>>13055423
kek

>>13055667
Subway story of my own
>Saving money, living cheap
>Boozing it too much tho
>On way to work is a Subway
>Trying to shed about 15 pounds
>Get addicted to Veggie Delite
>Go in one day, fat Mexican whore drops loaf on ground
>I’m hungover as fuck, still wearing my sunglasses, no flinch, no reaction
>This fucking cunt puts it back on the counter
>I order, this bitch actually uses that dropped bread
>I play along, and even tip $1
>Leave a voice message at Health department
>THESE NIGGERS ACTUALLY CALL ME BACK AND LAUNCH AN INVESTIGATION
>Multiple violations on camera
>Owner fined, workers fired
Feels good man