/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.12954166]

ITT: Greentext your last coffee shop experience

[Anonymous No.12954177]

>>12954166
Never been to one.

[Anonymous No.12954182]

>>12954166
Ugh I hate women
If there was a charity to promote rape I'd donate half my disposable income towards it

[Anonymous No.12954189]

>>12954182
edgelord detected

[Anonymous No.12954191]

[Anonymous No.12954197]

>>12954166
>"how's it going?"
>Pretty good, what's the single origin options today?
>"we have an ethiopia sidamo with notes of blueberry, black currant, and bitter cocoa or a Sulawesi which is very rich and oily with earthy and vegetal flavors"
>Great, I'll take the sidamo 12oz
>"Sweet, your total will be $2.19. Coffee will be out in about 3 minutes"
>Thanks
That about sums it up

[Anonymous No.12954199]

>>12954191
Can we just wipe out gen z?

[Anonymous No.12954201]

>>12954189
I'm the farthest thing from an edgelord. Just tired of their bullshit. Have fun with your just-world hypothesis.

[Anonymous No.12954210]

>>12954199
Yes.

[Anonymous No.12954215]

>>12954166
>no coffee in the house this morning cause I'm too busy/lazy to shop yesterday
>go to neighborhood coffeeshop
>lesbian answers the window. turns out it's a guy anyway.
>sip
>drive over to grocery store and get 3 bags of my favorite so i don't run out again

[Anonymous No.12954217]

>>12954191
>Think Different™

[Anonymous No.12954219]

>>12954166
>be me
>walk into coffee shop
>look at menu
>WHOA DONUTS ARE CHEAP
>decide to get a donut
>suceess.JPG
>"What can I get you, anon?"
>OH SHI- A WOMAN
>forever alone.jpg
>awkward penguin.jpg
>"ummm.... can I get a 16 oz d-d-drip coffee.. and..."
>"I can't hear you anon can you speak more loudly?"
>SUDDEN DROP MOM'S SPAGHETTI
>*start crying*
>"O-OH NO...."
>run out of coffee shop as fast as I can
>door is pull-only
>run into door
>break glass
>okay.jpg
>still crying
>"OH MY GOD ANON DO YOU NEED AN AMBULANCE?!"
>yell at woman to stop bullying me
>slow clap in coffee shop turns into thunderous applause
>THOT DESTROYED
>Albert Einstein gives me $100
True story.

[Anonymous No.12954221]

>went to new neighborhood coffee shop with wife after church
>run by two vietnamese qts
>two coffees and croissants please
>wife puts shit in hers I have mine black obviously
>dang that's pretty good but still hungry
>go up to counter and ask for a slice of the quiche in the case to share
>they warm it up and serve it with salad
>this is also good
>thus nourished, walk home and have a great sunday

[Anonymous No.12954225]

>>12954219
Mind if I turn your story into a rage comic?

[Anonymous No.12954231]

>>12954221
>thus nourished, walk home and have a great sunday

Last Sunday was 9 days ago

[Anonymous No.12954233]

>>12954225
Of course! It's all yours my friend!

[Anonymous No.12954239]

>go into coffee shop
>coffee bitch is fucking hot
>get massive erection and don't even try to hide it
>fully pitched tent making everyone in line uncomfortable
>by the time i'm at the register i'm hyperventilating and sweating profusely
>A-anon, w-w-what would you like?
>take a huge sniff of the air and begin drooling
>shit myself
>order a water
>drink the water as I waddle out of the shop

[Anonymous No.12954240]

>>12954231
>tfw today was 2 weeks ago

[Anonymous No.12954242]

>>12954219
truly inspiring stuff

[Anonymous No.12954245]

>>12954166
>staying in Hipsterland, USA
>looking for open restaurant for breakfast with brother
>walk 7 blocks
>spot COFFEE SHOP with people going in and out
>get to the door, huge rainbow flag and multiple signs about inclusion
>walk in, short line
>get to the counter one lady making drinks another not really doing anything
>stand there for at least 5 minutes
>finally comes up to us to ask what we want
>cold, uncaring
>was a 8/10 qt if not bulldyke so was fine with the wait
>order some basic drinks (iced coffee and a latte)
>sit down
>10 minutes later it's ready
>p decent/5

[Anonymous No.12954283]

>>12954166
>walk into the shop
>open my 20oz Contigo coffee mug
>two squirts of chocolate syrup
>one squirt of caramel syrup
>a bit of the blue sweetner crap
>one Stok coffee shot
>swirl it about until it's blended together
>walk over to the coffee dispenser and dispense some Kona Blend until my mug is filled
>seal the mug back up, and lock the tab
>walk up to the register and pay the $.97 for my "coffee refill" which if I was using the in store 20oz cup would have cost me $1.76
>cashier punches another spot on my "buy 5 get one free" coffee card and we go through the usual morning greeting we've done now for years
>I go out to my car and drive off to work

I only use the syrup because gas station coffee requires it or else it tastes like burnt peanut butter.

[Anonymous No.12954302]

>>12954283
>I only use the syrup because gas station coffee requires it or else it tastes like burnt peanut butter.

This it the life of your average wagecuck.

[Anonymous No.12954317]

>ordered an espresso
>it was served in a paper cup instead of the usual ceramic
>I was annoyed, but didn't complain because I was in a good mood
>espresso was delicious anyway
No big deal. I'll ask for a proper cup next time. It feels nicer to drink from and keeps the espresso hotter. I really like that place, so I'll forgive them.

[Anonymous No.12954320]

>>12954302
go easy on him he's probably obese

[Anonymous No.12954323]

>>12954302

and with those wages I bought some Rittenhouse Rye, Campari, and Cocchi. I'm having a good weekend making negronis and manhattans.

[Anonymous No.12954324]

>>12954182
time to log off, dude

[Anonymous No.12954329]

>>12954323
time to log off, dude

[Anonymous No.12954328]

>>12954317
Usually depends when you go: an espresso in the morning is usually served in a paper cup to have as a shot. A proper espresso in the afternoon should be in a mug for a nice after meal.

[Anonymous No.12954332]

>>12954329

Nah, time to go stir myself up another Manhattan.

[Anonymous No.12954335]

>>12954328
That's funny. There, it's the opposite. I went in the morning before and got a proper cup. I went in the afternoon and got paper. Maybe they become too lazy to wash cups later in the day. Everyone gets blended drinks in the afternoon, anyway. I'm usually the only person drinking coffee.

[Anonymous No.12954337]

>>12954323
make sure you finish it up sunday night and switch to coffee, shekelstein needs you ready to go

[Anonymous No.12954344]

>>12954283
>one Stōk
lol what a fucking pussy. I go to 7-11 and put 7-8 in the smallest cup. Half the cup is Stōk. I can't believe the little cups say "LIMIT: 2 PER DAY" or something. Maybe you should limit yourself to 2 per day if you're a small child.

[Anonymous No.12954358]

>walk out of car with mom
>hold door open for her
>after the eyes from inside are taken off of me in the initial opening of the door i look down at my torso
>wow, my mantits really poke through my shirt
>inside of store is huge, many shelves of coffee beans and coffee equipment
>half of building is hidden behind the shelves and i can hear a powerdrill over there
>no line
>walk up to the register
>mom wants coffee, but i want tea
>mom and i stand in the back against the shelves to let others in the line while we take a long deep peek at the menu
>mom is thinking about trying the french press
>i'm still looking to see if they have a selection of tea and i spot a "chai tea" entry on the menu board
>mom walks forward and vocalizes her order without giving me a chance to fully assess things with my autism brain technology
>"hi, can i get the french press coffee?
>"of course, now what kind of flavor profile do you like in your coffee, light medium or dark?"
>mom is clearly intimidated by his words
>doesn't know where to continue
>5 sec silence between the two allows me to activate solid snake-level slowmo reaction time and i spot a sheet that details all of their loose leaf teas
>see a segment for pu'erh and my dopamine skyrockets through the roof
>mom asks for medium
>"and what can i get YOU?"
>too autistic to formulate a plan of action and ask him about the pu'erh loose leaf tea
>o-oh yeah, i'll just have the chai tea
>"okay, and would you like that small, medium or large?"
>l-large please
>"sure, one moment and we'll have both your orders"
>15min wait
>they place two lidless cups on the countertop
>spill a little and burn my hands as i grab mine
>sticky residue left on my hands for the rest of the trip
>chai tea was good and spicy and there were no teabags in the cup which impressed as most places if you ask for tea just give you a cup of water and a teabag
>huh, this place seems to be a cut above the rest
>tried pu'erh a week later
>tasted like grandad's jacket

[Anonymous No.12954365]

>>12954344

I only use the Stok to add extra liquid to blend the syrup/sugar together before adding the coffee so the flavor goes through the brew properly to mask that god awful gas station coffee taste.

[Anonymous No.12954366]

>>12954335
I should go to my LCS to see how they handle that. When I lived in Philly with dozens of coffee places in a 5 block radius they would always serve it that way. Now I live in CFL and there is a new shop a couple miles away, just usually brew at home most days.

[Anonymous No.12954369]

>>12954219
bays

[Anonymous No.12954376]

>>12954329
>>12954332

Something about that Rittenhouse Rype mixed with the Cocchi. God Tier, Manhattan although I really wish my liquor store had Antica in stock today but they were out. Gotta make do with what's available. Cheers.

[Anonymous No.12954381]

>>12954166
>dad dies
>cleaning out his desk
>find starbucks gift card
>go to starbucks
>enough $ on it for cup of hot chocolate
>drink hot chocolate
>recall good times with dad

[Anonymous No.12954383]

>>12954323
>having a good time making it with negros
I bet you are, fag

[Anonymous No.12954400]

Speaking of coffee, someone recommend me a good grinder. I want to use it with a French press, so it has to be able to do a coarse grind, as well as a finer grind for when I'm lazy and want to use a drip machine.

I don't like grinding a whole bag of coffee at a time. It loses its flavor pretty quickly, even if it's really good stuff.

[Anonymous No.12954410]

>>12954383

Awww how did you know I live in Memphis?

[Anonymous No.12954413]

>>12954400
what if I told you that you can use any grinder to make either a fine or coarse grind depending on how long you use it?

[Anonymous No.12954416]

>>12954381
Sucks your dad only left you a $10 Starbucks gift card mate.
Jokes aside, hope all is well.

[Anonymous No.12954422]

>>12954166
>Go to coffee shop
>meet qt 3.14 from tinder there
>get coffee
>black because I'm not feeling something sweet today
>she gets cold brew
>coffee is great
>we sit outside and talk for 4 hours without even realizing it
>take her to a nice place for dinner later
Was a good day

[Anonymous No.12954429]

>walk into coffee shop hungover with a friend
>order a large iced coffee, black to maximize the coffee I get
>drink it there
>we leave

[Anonymous No.12954456]

>>12954429
>large iced coffee, black

[Anonymous No.12954465]

>>12954456
I always order it with no ice to maximize the coffee

[Anonymous No.12954478]

>>12954465
>iced coffee
>no ice
Why not just get a hot coffee and take the lid off to cool?

[Anonymous No.12954483]

>>12954478
I dont have all day I've got coffee shit to do

[Anonymous No.12954494]

>>12954483
>coffee shit

yes, you will shit. OH how you will shit. You will shit in ways you did not think were possible with the human anus. You will shit in ways that defy the very concept of human physiology.

[Anonymous No.12954505]

fug

[Anonymous No.12954516]

>>12954422
Nice anon, anything going to come of it?

>be today
>go to nearest coffee shop to study
>get in line, just behind 1 old guy
>he's shooting the shit with the barista
>taking forever
>seems like he's a regular, baristas know his name
>takes a minute before he actually orders his drink
>stands around and chats with barista while he waits for his late instead of moving out of line
>I am irritated
>eventually get to front and order a mug for self serve drip coffee
>get some and go to seating
>pretty crowded, no normal seats left so I sit in bar seating
>sit down and see the beautiful profile of an olive skinned qt, one empty seat between us
>take out textbook and start studying
>throughout studying notice she occasionally twists locks of her hair out of manual habit
>the smell of her hair is intoxicating, wanted to ask what product she uses but would be weird
>get distracted every time it wafts
>at one point she turns to me and asks to plug in her charger for her (outlet by my knees)
>she has a scowling face but is otherwise nice enough about it, but scowl is offputting
>later walk to bathroom by her in line, she has same scowl
>come out of bathroom, go to refill coffee
>both spouts are out of coffee
>notify baristas they're all out, they say 5 minutes
>go sit down
>girl has packed up her stuff and is leaving
>see her outside window getting her helmet on
>still scowling
>she walks away
>wonder if she is autismo and just walking around with helmet
>she goes to bike rack a little up the street
>go fill up coffee and start walking back to seat
>barista says normally refills are 50c but no worries
>I say thanks and go hack to seat, scrounge up 50c in backpack
>go put on counter and smile, they smile back and say oh thanks
>study another hour
>pack up and go home

It was really loud, I should probably take coffee to the library

[Anonymous No.12954796]

>>12954516
>anything going to come of it?
I'm not sure. But hopefully. We've hung out a few times since then and have connected quite a bit. So I'm thinking things will go well from here.

[Anonymous No.12954819]

>>12954166
>walk in
>"can I get a caramel macchiato? i got my own tumbler"
>couple minutes later
>"ANON!"
>"thanks"

[Anonymous No.12954826]

>walk in
>buy coffee
>leave

[Anonymous No.12954869]

>>12954219
This is classic old school shitposting right here. Can't beat the le classics.

[Anonymous No.12954886]

>>12954796
things are looking good for you anon, good luck.

[Anonymous No.12954890]

>>12954166
>Go to the only good shop in the town
>Chicks working are complete cunts because they know it's the only good shop in town and they know cucks like me will spend their shekels there no matter how bitchy they are
>Tfw starting to get turned on by this daily subtle femdom thing when it used to just piss me off
Too bad they're rug munchers.

[Anonymous No.12954902]

>hi could you fill my water bottle?
>no we cant do that but you can come around the side and use the fountain
>ok thank you

[Anonymous No.12954908]

>>12954199
China will take care of that in about five years.

[Anonymous No.12954919]

>>12954182
based

[Anonymous No.12954928]

>>12954217
It should be "Think Differently"

[Anonymous No.12954945]

>>12954166
>be on the road evacuating because of hurricane
>drive for about 6 hours
>completely exhausted
>get to a Starbucks one hour before they close
>have to shit
>bathroom is locked
>wait 10 very uncomfortable minutes
>2 men come out together
>think wtf
>but then realize one is autistic so I assumed the other person was assisting him
>go in bathroom
>PISS ALL OVER THE TOILET SEAT
>fluid everywhere
>piss soaked toilet paper on floor
>leave without pooping
>order a cafe mocha and leave
>hate my life for the remaining drive

[Anonymous No.12954957]

>>12954245
If the inclusion was 70s style dyke shit then they're based. if it's pastel 2019 Asexuality it's not

[Anonymous No.12954979]

>>12954177
>>12954182
>>12954189
>>12954199
>>12954201
>>12954210
>>12954225
>>12954233
>>12954242
>>12954320
>>12954323
>>12954324
>>12954328
>>12954329
>>12954332
>>12954335
>>12954337
>>12954365
>>12954366
>>12954369
>>12954376
>>12954400
>>12954410
>>12954413
>>12954416
>>12954465
>>12954483
>>12954505
>>12954869
>>12954886
>>12954919
>>12954908
>>12954928
Not greentext.

[Anonymous No.12954981]

>>12954979
Shut the fuck up.

[Anonymous No.12954983]

>>12954979
Not green text.

[Anonymous No.12954985]

>>12954979
nor is yours cunt

[Anonymous No.12954989]

>>12954981
>>12954983
>>12954985
Thanks.

[Anonymous No.12954994]

>>12954989
you too

[Anonymous No.12954996]

Not most recent but it made me lol irl. I was waiting in line at a coffee shop that employed 90% lesbians. The barista was clearly a tomboi type lesbian with short hair and boi clothes. When the 50 something white lady in front of me went to the counter she said to her, "You're the most beautiful gender fluid person I've ever seen". I chuckled and snorted trying to suppress a guffaw and they both looked at me so I turned 360 degress and walked out, never to return. The barista scrunched her face in confusion when the old lady said that to her because she was very clearly presenting as a boyish lesbian. I guess the old lady thought she was being woke ally and I'm sure they both thought I was being an anti gay bigot when I was really laughing at an out of touch boomer

[Anonymous No.12955003]

>>12954996
All i got from this is that you're a fag

[Anonymous No.12955012]

>>12955003
I agree. I shouldn't have posted that.

[Anonymous No.12955028]

>>12954182
That's a terrible thing to say, anon. I'm sure you don't actually mean that.

[Anonymous No.12955030]

>>12954182
Take a vacation

[Anonymous No.12955043]

>>12955028
women orgasm more during rape than during consensual sex. it can also make them spontaneously ovulate.

[Anonymous No.12955045]

>>12955043
okay, cool non sequitur

[Anonymous No.12955046]

>>12954456
literally what is wrong with that?

[Anonymous No.12955069]

>>12955043
>women orgasm more during rape than during consensual sex.

my creepy friend awkwardly keeps repeating this

[Anonymous No.12955163]

years ago
>off work
>cold night
>just want a hot chocolate
>walk into shop
>two peeps in front of me
>first one orders some convoluted drink that takes minutes to make
>second one wants decaf
>decaf machine is broken
>clerk convinces her to also get some convoluted drink
>that takes minutes to make
>walk out.

[Anonymous No.12955219]

>>12954166
>walk into favorite coffee shop
>busy Sunday so there is a bit of a line
>dumb coffee bro talking about TDS and Gesha
>newbie wondering if they have flavored syrups for her latte
>watching cute bb baristas making drinks as I decide what I want
>usually lazy and just drink cold brew but new coffees delivered that day
>walk behind the bar and pour a little cold brew to sip on while I pull a few coffees off the shelf to brew
>tell one of my employees to hand me a poptart from the pastry case
>watch custies pay $5-8 while I just eat and drink whatever and appreciate perks of owning coffee shop
>leave when I'm done and get sales report later that day
>shit post on 4channel until I open tomorrow

[Anonymous No.12955268]

>>12954191

fat parents, fat kids?

check

[Anonymous No.12955299]

>>12954166
I'm so fucking lonely, bros. How do I get over my ex? It's been 7 months, for fuck's sake. Tinder doesn't even help, despite all my normalfag friends telling me to use it.

[Anonymous No.12955400]

>go to chain coffee store to buy beans
>the girl at the counter is a mousy brunette with glasses
>she is nerdy, but kind, and I like her
>have flashback because she looks almost exactly like a student I taught once
>in fact, she may be the same person...

[Anonymous No.12955415]

>>12955400
>standing in line at the counter, I recall nerdy brunette student and the coffee incident during class...
>always drinking coffee during my classes
>one day, leaned down to help brunette
>in class, doppleganger always wears some kind of elven video game headband thing
>not that I care
>accidentally knock over my coffee cup and spill it all over headband girl
>coffee reek fills the air
>she is mortified
>after class, other women in class come up to me and express disdain for elven headband girl
>feel things

[Anonymous No.12955416]

>>12954166
>walk in with gf and her brother
>she has to go to bathroom
>it’s in LA so it’s busy as fuck
>there’s multiple soyboys standing near the bathroom for some reason
>there’s a rainbow of homeless people sitting at the only place with plugs (white, Mexican, black, and Asian)
>people standing around everywhere
>people on their phones everywhere
>Mexican teenagers in the corner getting way too close
>outside there’s highschoolers yelling dumb shit with skateboards
>underage girls walking around in revealing clothing
>over-aged girls walking around in revealing clothing
>dudes walking around chained to their hole while it’s shopping
>a teenage African American said something to my gf along the lines of “bix nood mufugga aha yeeeaaaahhh”
O brave new world, O BRAVE NEW WORLD!

[Anonymous No.12955428]

>>12955415
>back in coffee shop I pay for my coffee
>coffee girl has no elven tiara and does not acknowledge incident
>I will never know
>eventually I quit teaching and going to that coffee shop because life went in another direction

[Anonymous No.12955438]

>>12955299
either be a COOMER and jerk it multiple ties a day to blast away any emotional receptors in your brain, or go nofap and get thirsty enough to meet someone new
either way you will forget her

[Anonymous No.12955439]

>>12955299
keep on chooglin, tinder is for children (ages 18-22) and being single/unencumbered is a default state of life for most. keep on moving forward in life and trying to not let your shit degenerate into embarrassing whogivesashitanymoreness, you'll need that foundation to build on it with anyone you choose to care about.

[Anonymous No.12955452]

>Go to Korean food plaza because I love Korean food
>there's a coffee shop
>Go inside because why not
>8 bucks for a fucking hipsterish bullshit cup of coffee
>180 out of there
>Go to a Japanese bakery and get the best coffee I ever have for 2 bucks

Koreans overprice everything and suck at it

[Anonymous No.12955464]

>>12954166
Ok
>

i'm not a faggot

[Anonymous No.12955468]

>>12955438
this honestly is the way to go
No Fap and Anti-Fap is just the feminine conspiracy to try and control men. Masturbate away your sorrow and you don't need them.

[Anonymous No.12955480]

>>12955464
We can change that sweaty ;)

[Anonymous No.12955489]

>>12955480
ok but only if you suck my dick and let me pretend your a woman

[Anonymous No.12955507]

>>12954245
This is almost the the plot of the webcomic Questionable Content.

[Anonymous No.12955523]

>>12954166
>go to top tier coffee shop i'm a regular at right after surgery
>i probably shouldnt be drinking coffee right after digestive system surgery so i decide to order tea
>ask where the tea menu is and tell the barista i'm not really a tea person
>she says "i'm not either"
>order some oolong or something
>say i'm not really sure how long to steep this
>she says i'm not sure either, maybe like a couple minutes or something

and that's why you don't order tea at a coffee shop

[Anonymous No.12955537]

>>12954979
fuck off retard

[Anonymous No.12955552]

>>12954219
The best greentext I’ve seen in years

[Anonymous No.12955753]

>>12954166
>walk in because I have an interview
>ask for manager, and get free coffee
>says she'll be with me in a moment
>wait 40 minutes before thinking about asking again or just leaving
>manager eventually comes over and interview starts
>normally my pockets are full of spaghetti and it all comes flopping out, but this time I keep it together
>say all the right things instead of all the left things
>really think I made an impression for once
Second interview with the other manager next week, wish me luck

[Anonymous No.12955773]

>be at coffee shop last week
>they literally let homeless people stay there/sleep on the couches and shit because of muh progressiveness
>gf starts getting into a big long speech about finding herself or some shit
>wait, are you breaking up with me?
>some schizo sitting next to me is muttering to himself as if hes 2 people having a conversation with eachother
>hear him say something about how it wasnt his fault he murdered the guy because he had to simultaneously as my gf says that we should still be friends

[Anonymous No.12955791]

>>12954456
That's as hard as it gets, bro

[Anonymous No.12955800]

>>12955028
She's not going to have sex with you just because you defend her on the internet.

[Anonymous No.12955812]

>>12954166
>order an espresso
>"what type?"
>tell her I meant a short black
>the flash of anger on my face is mostly embarrassment
>but also I know I was right to begin with
The worst thing about living in Australia. At other places you will receive a little condescending smile if you call it a short black. You have to guess what type of establishment you're at if you want your order to go smoothly.

[Anonymous No.12955835]

>>12954166
>"aren't you going to order something, anon?"
>no
>"why?"
>because it's overpriced, I'm only here because you wanted to enter

>keep chatting about stuff for 2 hours

[Anonymous No.12955907]

>>12954166
I want to protect this girl's smile for eternity. Also I've never been to a coffee shop.

[Anonymous No.12956161]

>Walking to work
>I hear my boss yell my name behind me as i'm waiting at an intersection
>She asks if I want anything from starbucks as theres one right next to us - her treat
>Usually just get an americano but this time decide to try a glazed black latte
>Was a little too sweet for me but a nice treat
>Also they had this cashew cheesecake for customers to sample which were crazy good

[Anonymous No.12956176]

>walk into coffee shop
>not a caffeine addict
>turn 360 degrees then walk away

[Anonymous No.12956177]

>>12956176
Wait, if you turned 360 degrees you would burn up and die.

[Anonymous No.12956205]

>>12954166
>guy at the table next to me gets in an argument with his meal mate
>she insists that he pay, but he wants the bill split
>he pays for his half but when the waitress asks her to pay, she balks and says she has no money
>the waitress then says she'll call the police if one of them doesn't pay, so he pays
>she storms out ahead of him
>for some reason he looks to me for validation and says
>can you believe she made me pay?
>no one made you pay, you just caved to pressure
>well they told me they'd call the cops
>yes, I know
>he looked at me, obviously deciding whether or not to keep talking to a strange stranger like me
>he just leaves

[Anonymous No.12956240]

>>12954219
i would make this into a rage comic if i could remember how

[Anonymous No.12956262]

>don't go to coffeeshop
>the end

[Anonymous No.12956277]

>>12956240
that technology is lost to the mists of time

[Anonymous No.12956308]

>>12955299
Your only option is to abandon 3DPD

[Anonymous No.12956314]

>Live in a medium-small community a fair bit outside the nearest city
>Even further away in almost-ghetto there's a cafe
>Basically the only place open where people can meet up around a cup of coffee
>Sits right next to the public square
>Has the most wonderful owner who has abandoned her high profile career to run this place
>Has a gigantic loaf of bread as showcase in the window, made in a custom built form from the carpenter next door
>You can pick your own locally crafted coffee cup, a sign next to them says "if you like it you can buy it here"
>Not a big selection but everything has really high quality ingredients in them
>Owner says she was called by a guy that said she's now White Guide certified
>Her reply was "Oh no, now people will think this place is expensive" the guy replies "I've never had someone say that before"
>There is no sign on the door that indicates the place is white guide certified
>Sells local honey with no CO2 impact because "the beekeeper wheel barrow these over from across the street" she says while chuckling
>On a previous occasion I got a free cinnamon bun because I was told they weren't quite done yet and after waiting half an hour or so I checked again and she was thankful because she had forgotten them in the oven

I love our "fika" culture.

[Anonymous No.12956316]

>>12954182
Have sex

[Anonymous No.12956319]

I was looking at my phone while waiting for my food to arrive. While I was waiting a family with a mom, dad, little girl about 5 years old and a middle school aged looking boy sat at a table near me. I didn't pay them much attention as I was looking at e-mail on my phone, but then I hear the little girl exclaim in a rather loud voice "look mom, that lady is on her phone at the table!" I then hear the mother reply "yes, she shouldn't be doing that. It is rude to have a phone at the table." I glance over and the mother says to me "We have a rule that no phones are allowed at the table." My first reaction was to say something snarky as exhaustion was definitely getting the better of me, but then I thought better of it and decided to be polite. I looked at the little girl and said "We have the same rule in my family, but since I'm here alone I'm not being rude to anyone by looking at my phone now." At this point the son looks like he wants to crawl under the table from embarrassment and the dad is trying to hand the mom a menu and says "it's ok, let's just order."

I think that will be the end of it, but no. The mom says "obviously you have a family, so you know how important it is to follow rules. I would appreciate it if you would put away your phone." in a tone that a parent would use on a petulant teen. The little girl chimes in and says "yeah, you have to put your phone away. My brother can't have his phone at the table, so you can't either." I look at the little girl and say in as sweet a tone as I can muster "Well, the great thing about being a grown up is that I can do whatever I want".

[Anonymous No.12956342]

>gf goes to work at 3am
>i wake up at 5 and leave the house at 530
>stop at local 'delux' gas station, honestly not too bad
>they do their own coffees, bake their own muffins and fry their own donuts
>grab hazelnut with a shot of espresso and cream, get blueberry for myself
>$2.80
>talk to ancient women who lost all hope in life long ago
>always try to be extra nice to them and wish them an excellent day
>jump in my fo' hit the juice in my ride, get front and back, side to side
>talk into store where everyone recognizes me
>walk to her area and shuffle around until shes free
>listen to her complain about what hasn't or has to be done
>she swears like a sailor while cutely twirling her hair
>fukkin love this girl
>eventually take off and go do day things

I don't get how people have these awkward moments.. and I don't get why someone would go to a place they don't like more than once or twice.

[Anonymous No.12956356]

>>12956319
Is this fucking acceptable? If someone started talking to someone they didn't know in my area they would be initiating a fight. There is a level of space that people need to give each other.
I'm generally a nice person but I'd be quickly telling them to eat shit or already moving.

[Anonymous No.12956363]

>>12956319
>The parent not taking the gracious concession far from many would even bother going through
What a moron.

[Anonymous No.12956371]

>>12954166
>met with friend
>sat an talked for a couple of hours
>had two cortados

[Anonymous No.12956381]

>>12954182
based

[Anonymous No.12956392]

>>12954166
>walk in
>say hi to lady cleaning the window
>look at menu
>order cafe au lait
>stand around for a few minutes
>cashier from grocery store nearby that knows me enters
>exchange glances but don't talk
>get coffee
>leave

[Anonymous No.12956527]

>walk to local coffee shop with girl im seeing and my 2 dogs
>its busy af
>drug addicts/ homeless are hanging around out the front getting harassed by teenagers
>pretty sure the homeless are thinking how they could rape the teenage girls hanging around
>go to order
>chick taking order is some other girl i used to fuck, but cut contact with
>didn't realize she worked here
>she says ''oh so you found someone else, does she fuck better than me''
>before i respond current gf starts abusing her ''fuck you skank, youre jealous, were happier than you'll ever be etc..''
>this is causing a scene
>some little black 12 year olds sitting in the back start shouting worldstar and going mental
>this causes the homeless and teenagers to kick off
>my gf and ex are still arguing while a good 10 other people are all shouting and cheering and going crazy
>the rest of the people in the shop are yelling at the others to shut up
>ex starts to come around to the other side of counter
>time to go
>grab gf and go outside to all the homeless and teenagers cheering, abusing us,
>walk like 10 meters away and start untying dogs
>once we left most people calmed down, other than like 2 teenagers shouting shit like ''cat fight'' ''shank her'' ''tits out''
>ex is coming over with some fag
>gf has calmed down
>ex and this other guy are pissed still
>they start yelling
>this sets my dogs off (rottweilers)
>everyone stops yelling cause they are scared of getting mauled
>walk past maccas on the way home to get gf her coffee
fuck coffee shops

[Anonymous No.12956534]

>>12954191
why are wh*te people like this

[Anonymous No.12956536]

>>12954197
>we have an ethiopia sidamo with notes of blueberry, black currant, and bitter cocoa or a Sulawesi which is very rich and oily with earthy and vegetal flavors
Fucking hipster meme speak

[Anonymous No.12956552]

>about 10 pm but craving coffee
>see starbucks
>never been to one so why not?
>see a wall of text that is the "menu"
>ask for a small coffee
>hipster douche asks what my name is
>why?
>to write my name on the paper cup
>I was the only one there
>walked out

[Anonymous No.12956579]

>>12956527
I will never understand the need to conflict over trivial shit like this. Do people really feel the genuine need to defend their sense of honor over some sassy words?

[Anonymous No.12956602]

>>12955400
>>12955415
>>12955428
What the fuck why is this three pieces and why is it so fucking dumb

[Anonymous No.12956609]

>>12954166
>go to coffee shop
>some faggot makes me a shit cup of coffee and charges $8
>leave and never go back

[Anonymous No.12956615]

>>12954166
>go to starbucks
>while waiting have to listen to loud top 40 music and people who are dressed like they have important corporate jobs yet somehow can be at a starbucks at 10 in the morning
>order overpriced coffee
>put some creme and sugar into it
>tastes literally exactly the same as the folgers i make at home
>leave

if i didnt have a gift cards i never would have gone and i probably wont go back

[Anonymous No.12956616]

>Don't drink coffee
>Try to order a soda
>They don't have soda
>Have to drink water instead

I hate coffee shops.

[Anonymous No.12956626]

>Work in a mall
>Know the owner of the coffee shop since forever
>Always get fresh coffee from different beans for 1$
It's all good.

[Anonymous No.12956633]

>>12956319
This made my skin crawl just imagining how awkward it is, thanks

[Anonymous No.12956637]

>>12955069
He's letting you know he can tell you want it and that if you put yourself in a situation where he can do the needful, he knows you're fertile and ready

[Anonymous No.12956644]

>>12954166
>needed wifi connection
>went to starbucks
>ordered iced tea
>used wifi to download GTA V for steam
>dipped a Grizzly wintergreen pouch and watched porn on my phone while waiting for the download to finish
>jacked off and took a shit in the bathroom
>left and went to Long John Silvers

[Anonymous No.12956675]

>>12956615
What the fuck did you order that was overpriced bitch ?
Anything on Starbucks menu over $4 is sugary shit.

[Anonymous No.12956691]

>>12954166
>>12954979

>be me
>never been to one

happy?

[Anonymous No.12956737]

>>12956536
ok tastelet

[Anonymous No.12956769]

>>12954182
Would your mother be proud to read what you just wrote anon?

[Anonymous No.12956800]

>>12954182
I'm sure they'd appreciate $30 / month.

[Anonymous No.12956801]

>>12956675
Not him, but my local Starbucks it's $2.95 for a cup of plain hot coffee. To me that's overpriced when I can go buy a lb of good coffee for under $8 and brew many cups over the course of 2 weeks. Real coffee shops are about the experience and trying new exotic coffees, Starbucks is overpriced shit that appeals to people that want to like coffee but don't like the taste.

[Anonymous No.12956808]

>>12954166
>making pizza dough for going away party for me (leaving for the marines today)
>sister says that she is tired and we should get some coffee on the way
>says some thing about bjornes
>the place is Literatly 2 cargo crates staked on one another
>itHasADriveThrough.jpg
>get 12 ounce black
>she gets 24 ounce woman shit
>for some reason the place was dog themed so I got a "treat" with the order
>tasted like soggy gingerbread
>taste sisters coffee
>tfw this is bitter milk
>get there and hide in the corner so I can sip the rest of mine

Over all 6/10

[Anonymous No.12956809]

>>12954182
14 year old fags trying hard to be edgy
Retards like you are why this site's going to shit

[Anonymous No.12956824]

>>12956769
Honestly she probably would not be surprised to read what I posted at all. Parents aren't as stupid as most people think. And there is nothing to be proud of anyway. I don't have a wife and 2.5 kids and I'm not a cool successful art dealer or jet-setting banker or the most popular local politician in recent memory like her friend's kids. "I was given the opportunities and I wasted them because I'm pessimistic". Generations of successful people in the family tree, and then me. That's where I am. My life is impressive if you grew up literally homeless, but only because of things I had no part in setting in motion.

[Anonymous No.12956828]

>>12956809
I was here long before you heard about this place. Leave if you still can. It's not something to be proud of. If you're stuck, like I am, then you have no grounds to complain because you're part of the problem, welcome to the club.

[Anonymous No.12956833]

>>12954182
lol virgin

[Anonymous No.12956837]

>>12956833
Sex is overrated. You'll learn.

[Anonymous No.12956838]

>>12954199
For what? Having and using technology?

[Anonymous No.12956851]

>>12954166
I went to a really hip and popular coffee shop in the Harajuku/Omotesando area of Tokyo.

Expensive but amazing coffee. I got some geisha coffee from Costs Rica I believe. One of the best cups of coffee I have ever had. The girl who brewed it was a 10/10 Japanese hipster girl. She spent some time talking to me about what coffee shops in NYC (where I'm from) were like and it was a very nice experience overall.

Too bad I am autistic and could never get with a girl like her. I haven't been back to the coffee shop because I don't know what to do if she remembers me.

[Anonymous No.12956901]

>went to coffeeshop to get a juice because I wasn’t feeling too good
>looked at their website menu to figure out what I wanted before I got there
>ordered the carrot/apple/ginger juice and found out their prices are higher than what they have listed on their website
It was good but $9 and change seems steep

[Anonymous No.12956983]

>pressed a button

[Anonymous No.12956984]

>>12954166
dude i'm gonna COOOM lmao

[Anonymous No.12956992]

>>12956837
ok virgin

[Anonymous No.12957026]

>>12954166
>i don't remember
>i probably got a hot chocolate

[Anonymous No.12957214]

>Go to my favorite coffee shop
>Everyone knows me by name
>"Your usual, Anon?"
>"No, lets try something different today, how about a pumpkin spice latte"
>"Good choice! It'll be ready for you at the bar"
>"Okay, thanks."
Nothing too crazy

[Anonymous No.12957224]

Coffee shop near the main market in athens, sitting there sipping some turkish coffee around a bunch of old sweaty greek men.

[Anonymous No.12957374]

>>12956177
I gotta say I think this is the first time I've seen this response

[Anonymous No.12957382]

>>12954166
>

[Anonymous No.12957389]

>>12954166
>Go to Greg's because it's convenient
>No queue, nice
>Greg's shop boy is about 18, has obiviously plucked eyebrows which he's then repainted back ob, but about 0.5 inch thick
>Notice his waist is like 23" and he has had to triple wrapped the arpon strings around himself to prvent the item falling off
>Figure he's a gay power bottom or some shit
>Order a coffee
>Man walks in and mentions to me that my shoe lace is untied
>Thank the man and make sure the gay Greg's boy is trapped behind the counter before bending down to tie my shoe
>Get what I ordered
>It tastes burnt, sour and thin
I rate this experience a 7/10

[Anonymous No.12957395]

>>12954182
As a sadist and sexist, I don't disagree with the sentiment, but I find it strange you would use that as a reply that particular picture. She's not doing anything blatantly retarded, narcissistic, or childlike that would make you REEEE at modern women. She's just being cute and doing her job.

Are you one of those jealous tranny types that gets angry at any cute woman because you'll never look as good as they do?

[Anonymous No.12957397]

>>12954182
link patron

[Anonymous No.12957398]

>>12954177
fp^2b
>>12954979
reddit

[Anonymous No.12957403]

>>12954182
Why isn’t there a victims of rape accusations fund

[Anonymous No.12957412]

>>12956319
Lol jesus. I would have trolled the shit out of them. I find it amusing because the people are usually not all that intelligent and cant take the bantz. A few months ago i got into a row with some woman at a cafe. She made some rude remark about my attire (I just got off work as construction worker). She was dressed ok but had a shoppers drug mart name tag on. So people who dont know about this store it's basically a glorified convenience store with a pharmacy in the back and a make up products section at the one side. So i started tearing in to this broad and you could tell shes never been put in her place before because of the way she reacted. Most of the other customers (there were only like 4 customers in the place) were all kind of chuckling along. The shit I was saying wasnt serious, it was pure 4chan meme tier shit like
>I feel bad for your husband
>I dont have a husband
>I feel bad for your 7 cats
And of course I had to throw in a
>why you made though?
And
>you insulted me a little bit...
She was so angry she looked like she was gunna explode and she called the cops saying I was acting aggressively towards her but all the other patrons said I didnt do anything wrong and the lady is just crazy. The cops looked annoyed because they probably had better shit to do than nurse this lady's ego.

[Anonymous No.12957417]

>>12954166
>see tip jar on counter for carry-out
>walk out
>never go back

[Anonymous No.12957431]

>>12957395
>everything I don't like is a tranny
Hurry up and chop off your ding dong, the longer you postpone HRT the worse your chances of passing

[Anonymous No.12957432]

>>12956552
>go to Starbucks
>all of their sizes are basically variations of "large"
Why? WHY?

[Anonymous No.12958263]

>>12956314
>I love our "fika" culture.
I kekd because fika is the most common slang for pussy in my language

[Anonymous No.12958445]

>>12954182
Based

[Anonymous No.12958550]

>>12954166
I havnt been to one in about 5 years. It was overpriced and the coffee lukewarm because the retard barista tried to do coffee art.

[Anonymous No.12958564]

>>12954221
>warm quiche

[Anonymous No.12958578]

>Got to a concert too early
>Was trying to get my ticket early and on the day of
>Decided to go to a coffee shop and wait there until its near time
>It's a fucking cat lounge
>Paid seven dollars to hang around a bunch of cats and all my drinks were half off while I was there
Good day

[Anonymous No.12958581]

>>12956527
>rottweilers
I should probably have guessed you're a trashy person before this part.

[Anonymous No.12958588]

>walk to counter in empty shop ~1 hour before closing time
>order a cappuccino
>tiny chink cashier asks if I want it dry or wet
>ask what he means by that
>dry=more foam, wet=less foam
>dry please
>go look through their bookshelf while waiting
>nothing interests me
>sit near entrance
>brings it to me
>I drink it while browsing the web on my phone
>finish up and take a piss
>leave shop and walk over to my haircut

It was an okay 'cino, but she cut my hair a little shorter than I would've preferred

[Anonymous No.12958635]

>>12956644
i believe this more than any other story ITT

[Anonymous No.12958640]

>>12958578
>It's a fucking cat lounge
wtf is a cat lounge

[Anonymous No.12958644]

>>12957403
Because it barely ever happens, no matter how much more comfortable it is to believe it does.

[Anonymous No.12958727]

>>12956536
>not wanting to know the flavor profile of the coffee you're going to purchase described by convenient comparison to flavors you've likely got committed to memory
What should they say then anon?

[Anonymous No.12958731]

>expected to just get some espresso chug some water and shoot out like usual
>Saw a fresh pie in the display, they make them in house.
>remember Cooper, advising me to give myself a gift.
>decided to get a slice of marionberry pie and have my coffee there
>watched a video on adjusting valve-clearances
>it rained
>I waved at a neighbor from the next street down the hill.

[Anonymous No.12958746]

>>12954199
their boomer parents promoted this shit.

[Anonymous No.12959077]

>>12958640

Coffee shop that has a bunch of cats in the lounge for you to hang out with. The cats are usually visiting from a shelter and are able to be adopted.

[Anonymous No.12959104]

>>12954219
>>12954225
>>12954233
>>12956240
>>12956277

[Anonymous No.12959174]

>>12954166
>2010
>girl who broke up with one of my best friends keeps inviting me out to shit
>go since I was cool with her, but know what she's after
>her lesbian friend was with her
>9$ for some frappe shit
>yea cool peace
>haven't seen her for 8 years and dont really care

[Anonymous No.12959229]

>do you have carrot cake"
>"no they're sold out"
>walk out of coffee shop

[Anonymous No.12959250]

>>12959104
Absolutely and dangerously based.

[Anonymous No.12959329]

>>12957412
based. I sometimes finish my construction job well after 6pm so anyone irritated at my appearance in a coffee or sandwich shop on my way home can get fucked.

[Anonymous No.12959451]

>>12954166
I would unironically turn around and leave if I saw a cute girl behind the counter. I'm not even joking I only can order from men or ugly women who are closer to my equal(they aren't they are still better than me).

[Anonymous No.12959472]

>>12956536
Tastelet detected

[Anonymous No.12959499]

>>12959451
I just beam resentment at them if it's a cute girl. They seem to pick up on it and avoid making small talk or trying to "flirt".

Cute girls should be imprisoned for disorderly conduct until they are old and ugly enough to behave themselves.

[Anonymous No.12959530]

>>12954166
>go to see family in australia
>brother turned into a hipster when he moved there
>takes me to a coffee shop
>don't know what any fucking thing on the board is
>"just get me a coffee with a little cream"
>"haha you mean a latte?"
walked out and went to a bar instead. first and only time ive been into a coffee shop. gas station coffee is good enough for me

[Anonymous No.12959545]

>>12954182
unironically BASED

[Anonymous No.12959573]

>>12954182
Haha

[Anonymous No.12959577]

>>12955439

[Anonymous No.12959609]

>>12959104
I forgot how much I liked the actually its not ok face

[Anonymous No.12959651]

>>12956527
>t.

[Anonymous No.12959681]

This wasn't my last experience, but I remember my old local coffee shop was playing the soundtrack for Twin Peaks: The Return during the day of the final episode.

Extremely cozy and good.

[Anonymous No.12959814]

>hey good morning anon, red eye?
>yeah thanks
>what size?
>medium
>conversation about her crazy grandmom and the wacky shit she says
>another talk with them trying to get me to come work with them and quit my current shitty restaurant
>free sample of their copycat pink drink
>free refill, out the door
God I'm so COOL

[Anonymous No.12960259]

>go into coffee shop
>order a chicory cold brew no ice
>fat cashier kinda leans forward and flirts with me a little

>im wearing a rose gradient pair of sunglasses and a pink kimono
>not interested, hon

[Anonymous No.12960288]

>>12955299
actual good advice on 4chan.net

[Anonymous No.12960300]

>I make my own coffee because I'm a grown-up

[Anonymous No.12960306]

>>12956536
Folgers is what's in your cup!

[Anonymous No.12960361]

>>12956615
Your Starbucks sucks if it actually tastes like Folgers. They aren't incredible but they're not that bad either

[Anonymous No.12960735]

>>12954166

[Anonymous No.12961464]

>>12958581
they're good dogs, roommate trains dogs for the police and has 2 german shepherds at home as well.

[Anonymous No.12962352]

>>12954166
is this some instagram chick cosplaying as a coffee shop girl?

[Anonymous No.12962416]

>>12954182
T. White male Alt right maga hat owner

[Anonymous No.12963593]

>>12959104
Based and comicpilled

[Anonymous No.12963602]

>>12959104
I know it was still a lot of work, but I feel like you could have put a little more effort into your drawings.

[Anonymous No.12963725]

>>12959104
made me smile brightly

[Anonymous No.12963749]

>>12954191
>go to coffee shop with group of 4
>literally no one orders a coffee based drink

[Anonymous No.12963757]

>go to coffee shop
>order large cafe au lait
>pay
>leave

It was okay, but not as good as the place I prefer to go to. I think the issue is that they don't scald the milk long enough.

[Anonymous No.12963774]

>>12954166
>pull up to dunkin drive through window
>they're closed for maintenance
>bitch and moan as I drive down the street to burger king.

[Anonymous No.12963815]

Three years ago, got stood up by an arthoe
Coffee was good though and the atmosphere was decent enough to read a book i had to finish for an assignment

Also the only time i've ever gone to one

[Anonymous No.12963827]

I don't understand so many people going to them so rarely. They're absolutely everywhere and a stop for a coffee is a nice and affordable way to break up a day out.

[Anonymous No.12963843]

>>12963827
I make a coffee at home that's just as good and would rather spend that $20+ a week I'm saving on something else.

Also I seldom drink any other coffee drink other than black coffee, because I'm not an obese child.

[Anonymous No.12963858]

>Wait in line for 2 minutes
>Woman asks "what can I get you" very quickly because she seems stressed
>"Can I have an Americano?"
>Wait 16.7 seconds
>She hands it to me
>"Thanks"
>I walk out and sit on the patio

[Anonymous No.12963898]

>>12963858
>failing to manufacture a conflict in a coffee shop to own the libs
Never gonna make it according to this thread.

[Anonymous No.12963921]

>>12963898
I should have called her a stuck up cunt, I know

[Anonymous No.12963937]

>Went to the coffee shop
>"One coffee please"
>It was served with sugar in it
I thought I was never going to post my face but no reaction image can illustrate how frustrated I got

[Anonymous No.12963954]

>>12954197
"A coffee "

[Anonymous No.12963973]

>>12963843
I don't mean every day. Just every couple of weeks or so when you spend a day at a park or art gallery or go to some performance or even a movie. Memories of the coffee you could make at home don't help when you're not at home.

[Anonymous No.12964099]

>>12954182
based

[Anonymous No.12964126]

>>12963937
Christ you're an ugly cunt.

[Anonymous No.12964143]

>>12955452
Which Korean food plaza?

[Anonymous No.12964175]

>>12956319
Things hat Never Happened: the Post:tm:

[Anonymous No.12964481]

>>12956838
They are disgusting lardos holding there sugar drinks and dooming their children to a life of obesity and mediocrity.

[Anonymous No.12966099]

>tired as fuck after going into work on 2h sleep
>head out for caffeine boost on my lunch break, walk to well-regarded (but super busy) cafe on the corner down the road
>down a double-shot espresso while browsing /k/ on my phone
>immediately feel the need to shit 2min after drinking
>run to the toilet but there's already a 5 man line
>nearly shat my pants in horror
>manage to run back to the office and dump a load in our toilet block
>as i'm wiping, realize I left the phone in the cafe
>go back to fetch it and it's still at the table I was sitting, but there's another guy already there
>covered in sweat but figure I'll just grab it and walk out
>after I take the phone he looks up at me and whispers in my face
>"look mate i won't tell anyone about the gun stuff but if you have to shoot someone up please kill my ex-wife"
>mfw he literally writes down her address and gives it to me

[Anonymous No.12966126]

>>12954166
>be me
>always depressed
>go to supermarket inside a small shopping centre
>next to market is a restaurant that also sells coffee
>order iced coffee
>see people setting up for birthday party, 80 years old baloons
>make a small remark to counter girl
>she says she'll probably kill herself long before 80
>same

[Anonymous No.12966138]

>>12959104
holy based

[Anonymous No.12966352]

>>12966099
10/10

[Anonymous No.12966363]

>>12966099
Nice

[Anonymous No.12966445]

Holy shit. I met a man just a few days ago who told me he wanted to kill his wife. Why does every boomer suddenly hate their spouse???

[Anonymous No.12966469]

>me, east asian manlet visiting one european city
>see a café, a cute chubby blonde grill who works there, decide to have a coffee
>another blonde takes my order, whatever, she's cute
>the worst is I'd get embarrased so I go for it
>flirt and later ask for her number then invite her for a drink after her shift
>later that night, biggu kissu but nothing more she has to take her last train home (30min from the city)
>going back in december

[Anonymous No.12966597]

>>12964126
Thanks man

[Anonymous No.12966604]

>>12966099
No fucking way, I'd laugh my ass off if I was in your shoes

[Anonymous No.12966621]

>>12954166
>walked in
>waited behind one woman who ordered quickly - black americano if memory serves
>"How are you?" "I'm great! How are you today?" "Decaffeinated," [shit eating customer smirk] "Can I get a giant cup of your darkest roast please?" "Sure thing, that'll be $2.75"
>She got my coffee while I dug out $2.75, because I had it.
>I tossed in a bit of honey and a splash of cream, and went about my day.

Well, this was uneventful.

[Anonymous No.12966623]

>>12954166
>ITT: Greentext your last coffee shop experience
>order with Starbux app
>black muslim girl wearing some muslim head covering made my coffee
>other employees include the skinny white faggot, the trans f->m mexican chick, and the short white girl with tatts
>always be nice to these people. i don't want to be jihad'd

what a time to be alive

[Anonymous No.12966635]

>>12954166
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD

[Anonymous No.12966637]

>>12966469
a cute chubby blonde grill who works there

[Anonymous No.12966646]

>worked at one for four years in college
>never been in one since

[Anonymous No.12966666]

>>12954166
Overly flirty, cute Baltic-Slav (?) cashier, leaning on immaculate countertop, in cafe with moonrunes on the tip jar.

I think this may have been staged. It just plays a little too hard to 4chan's needs.

[Anonymous No.12966669]

>>12954166
>been going to the same place almost every day , I know the owner,managers and all the staff that has worked there in the last couple years
>walk in yesterday, see my fav girl (lets call her K)training a dorky looking new guy
> I start pretending that thats my first time , ask the new guy for a recommendation
>fucking guy actually recommends me the light roast
>I order my usual dark roast selection like i didnt even heard him
>K bursts out laughing ,hits me on the shoulder and calls me an asshole
>newguy just stands there not sure wtf was going on

[Anonymous No.12966687]

>go in, full of hipsters
>order from some fat blue haired butch looking grill
>finally get order
>its wrong, par for the course
>leave
>drink crappy work coffee that day
>remember why I never go to that place

[Anonymous No.12966701]

>>12966637
>Tfw you will never make a surprise to your gf and go to the coffee shop she works in while in her shift, and when you get there her round belly is gently pressing on the counter and her while body is thightly packed in her cute uniform. She looks at you joifully for visiting her on her workplace and she gives you a coffee for free when the manager isn't looking
WHY LIVE ?

[Anonymous No.12966723]

>take my car to the mechanic
>walk down to coffee shop
>order a black coffee
>sit there doodling shit for three hours
>mechanic calls back and says they’re done diagnosing my car
>leave
I really only need them for situations like that- if I need a space to exist hassle free for 30 minutes-4 hours.

[Anonymous No.12966739]

>>12966623
After living in a diverse shithole for a while I stopped being mad at Muslim girls.
Out of all the glaring, sneering, spitting fuckers they were always the most polite and kind.
Their men are total assholes though.

[Anonymous No.12966741]

I’m too socially anxious to go to coffeeshops

[Anonymous No.12966743]

>>12966739
*with an exception of Somali women.
Those lightbulb headed fucks can eat shit. Nothing scarier than a Somali bitch behind the wheel of a car.

[Anonymous No.12966835]

>>12954335
What's a blended drink?

[Anonymous No.12966841]

>>12954358
What place was it?

[Anonymous No.12966852]

>>12954516
That's nice man

[Anonymous No.12966856]

>>12954996
Americans need to be gassed

[Anonymous No.12966865]

>>12955438
Yeah it's what I did I coom all the time

[Anonymous No.12966867]

>>12966841
Some local coffee shop. They're moving to another location soon. Why?

[Anonymous No.12966878]

>>12954979
>NOOOOOOOO YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE ME LE FUNNY GREENTEXT STORIES I CAN POST ON FUNNYJUNK AND REDDIT REEEEEEEEE

[Anonymous No.12966879]

>>12959104
I think it would have been better if OP had peed but I like the effort

[Anonymous No.12966880]

>>12955907
She's faking it you virgin loser

[Anonymous No.12966883]

>>12956177
I don't get it bro please explain it

[Anonymous No.12966888]

>>12956314
What ethnicity?

[Anonymous No.12966889]

>>12954166
>go to coffee shop
>order a espresso
>sit and read plato's republic
>order another after 30 minutes
>leave after 1 hour

[Anonymous No.12966893]

>>12956342
>talk to ancient women who lost all hope in life long ago
made me spit my cum out

[Anonymous No.12966894]

ITT: newfaggots and redditors

[Anonymous No.12966901]

>>12966878
solid

[Anonymous No.12966905]

>>12956319
You are an amazing individual, honestly. I would have just yelled and punched everyone

[Anonymous No.12966908]

>>12966901
The absolute unit

[Anonymous No.12966917]

>>12954166
this is my literal last coffee shop experience
>be a blue collar white man
>im in my stereotypical blue collar work uniform
>in southern college town
>they have lots of coffeeshops, no starcucks, nice
>need my fix before wage slaving
>go to a busy one
>the inside looks like a cross between a european hostel and a jungle gym
>order a large coffee
>the barista that was such a strange mixed race I didnt even know what ethnicity she was, didnt even speak to me besides say the price
>I pay, get my coffee from a cute black girl behind counter and sit down on modern furniture ergonomic chair thing, keys jingling around while im trying to akwardly sit down
>everyones looking at me
>its actually comfy
>table of hipsters next to me are talking about their screenplay they each are writing. im not kidding
>fat white kid with neck tattoos says his screenplay is basically a fish out of water story that is also about people saving the enviroment
I couldnt believe how stereotypical everything was. it was surreal.
>see a cute as fuck white girl by herself pretending to read some gay book
>artifically bright red little mermaid hair, tattoos on her forearms, wearing a black shirt and white lace over that
>what a shame, but shes hot and I waunt sum fuk so im gonna ask for her #
>I walk over to her, unsure of what im about to say
>"hay excuse me"
>table of hipsters goes silent
>the place is now dead quiet and my heart rate increases
>oh fuck what am I doing.
>I tell myself to just be alpha, shes probably not used to that
>hay uh. I was think youre really cute and I want to go on a date with you.
>oh boy this coffee is strong. i feel light headed
>"oh hee hee. Im married!"
>she shows me the ring shes married
>oh heh ok cool

then I left and never went back. I tried going to dunkin donuts, but the coffee is absolutely horrible. gives me the shits bad.

[Anonymous No.12966922]

>>12966908
>/ck/ related

[Anonymous No.12966933]

>>12954166
went to neighborhood 3rd wave/hipster joint. it was just before 7am so the shopkeep was still getting things ready. he let me in and i had a seat while he finished setting out the signboard. another patron walked in as the dude was just about ready to take my order so i approached the counter. i was there to buy some coffee beans as I had run out. they had some light espresso roast guatamalan antigua so i picked that along with my order: a feature latte and a chai spice latte (you get one free beverage with purchase of a bag of beans). i thought to pickup some donuts or something to go with my coffee but none were on display yet. the server said he had fresh some pastries (apple galettes) that hadn't been set out yet, so i asked for two of those instead. once i paid and my drinks were prepared i wished the server a good day and set out. took a sip of my PSL once i got in my car and although i did end up splurging on this trip, I was glad that I did. That was the good stuff.

[Anonymous No.12966957]

>>12966917
You dropped your spaghetti

[Anonymous No.12966967]

>>12966723
it doesn't take 3 hours to run a code reader you cuck. you should have stayed in the shop to make sure they weren't cucking you

[Anonymous No.12966973]

>>12954182
Men are actually far, far worse than women. Because of men like you, you living pile of refuse.

[Anonymous No.12966975]

>>12956851
She probably sucks Yakuza cock.

[Anonymous No.12966977]

>>12957374
He's an innovator, an out of the box thinker. Lateral thinking. Real smart.

[Anonymous No.12966986]

>>12957395
She's being insufferable and fake as all hell, man.
>oh hi anon-kun!
>*leans in*
>woops, that's unprofessional! Sorry! I kinda get carried away around you anon...
>*adjusts monitor display to awkwardly change the topic*
>so, what will it be!
fucking oof and yikes and whatever, dude. Can't you see it? Her shenanigans are plain as day. She ain't fooling no one.

[Anonymous No.12966989]

>>12966908
dont leave me hangin in here with these plebs

[Anonymous No.12966993]

>walk in
>greeted by cash
>hey uh can I get a large caramel cold brew
>sure that’s everything yada yada
>right before handing it to me she takes the straw and swipes it through her pussy trench
>what the fuck?
>giant machine operated door slams shut in my face
best drink ever

[Anonymous No.12966998]

>>12966867
Curiosity. Fare thee well, anon. We may not talk again, ever. It's a sobering thought.

[Anonymous No.12967015]

>>12954400
Just go to a pharmacy and purchase one of the shitty 25 dollar ones unless you wanna drop 150 on a burr grinder that you have to clean. Then get decently good at grinding with the shitty one - it gets easier as you go.

[Anonymous No.12967019]

>>12954996
this is the worst one. you are the worst one.

[Anonymous No.12967021]

>>12959104
cringe

[Anonymous No.12967024]

>>12955299
fuck off faggot

[Anonymous No.12967031]

>>12954317
The best thing to do is get 3 espressos in a large glass and fill it up with cold milk
best drink

[Anonymous No.12967035]

>>12954332
A sophisticated gentleman, I see. What product do you use in your beard, m'lord?

[Anonymous No.12967038]

>>12954400
What is your price range? You can't get a good coarse grind with anything really cheap. I recommend planning to spend at least 100 dorrars.

[Anonymous No.12967039]

>>12967038
kek

[Anonymous No.12967056]

>>12967024
I want to lick that

[Anonymous No.12967059]

>>12955299
jack you dick to amateur porn

[Anonymous No.12967060]

>>12967056

[Anonymous No.12967067]

>>12967024
What the hell is this?

[Anonymous No.12967068]

>>12955753
Good luck! Where are you at?

[Anonymous No.12967070]

>>12955812
Motherfucker, I know for a fact you post on r/coffee. Get over this Short Black obsession.

[Anonymous No.12967071]

>>12959104
Fuck yeah bro

[Anonymous No.12967087]

[Anonymous No.12967097]

>>12967087
Hot chocolate is better than that muddy slop.

[Anonymous No.12967098]

>>12956552
I kek'd

[Anonymous No.12967129]

>>12959499
Don't worry. The Wall always goes over.

[Anonymous No.12967132]

>walk into Starbucks
>cant afford anything
>just here to charge my phone since I have nowhere else to charge it

P good visit

[Anonymous No.12967135]

>>12963937
nigga, you look like you post on 4chan.

[Anonymous No.12967150]

>>12967039
lmao

[Anonymous No.12968200]

>>12954323
That's a boulevardier my guy, negronis use gin
But either way, enjoy your cocktails

[Anonymous No.12968255]

>>12955753
Good luck, anon

[Anonymous No.12968282]

>>12954166
Bitch is really abusing the whole cute eye/smile combo move bitch I just want some coffee

[Anonymous No.12968515]

"Hi, can I have a medium black coffee? Thanks."

after receiving my coffee I promptly left

5/10, it was coffee

[Anonymous No.12968542]

ALL

[Anonymous No.12968628]

>>12966973
Please tell us about that time. Be as detailed as possible. For research purposes of course

[Anonymous No.12968777]

>be me
>go in local hip coffee shop
>order small hot coffee in a cup
>barista lols and thanks me for not ordering crazy shit
>leave with my coffee in a cup

[Anonymous No.12968817]

>hey how's it going?
>not bad, nice to have a day off
>oh, you're off today?
>yeah, we've decided to start closing on tuesdays since it's slow
>what are you going to do?
>probably just play video games [laughs]
>what game?
>MTG Arena. I'm pretty close to the top rank at this point
>ah that's a good feeling. I don't play games that strategic, but it's always nice to feel like you're getting better
>yeah, definitely
>what can I get you
>I'll get a black 16oz coffee and a sausage and egg sandwich
>it might take a minute for the sandwich, let me check
>...
>it's going to be a ten minute wait, is that ok?
>yeah, I've got time, I'll probably wait outside for a bit enjoy the sun
>yeah do it while it's still nice and the air isn't biting your skin. let me get you that coffee
>receive coffee
>grab newspaper
>read newspaper on bench outside for ten minutes
>go back in
>get sandwich
>leave
Thanks for reading my blog, I don't know why this thread exists

[Anonymous No.12968865]

>>12954197
$2.19 for single origin from a barista that gives tasting notes? where in the world is this?

[Anonymous No.12968936]

>>12954166
>Starbucks is the best place to sell things on Craigslist

[Anonymous No.12968970]

>>12954166
Need a gf so bad brehs

[Anonymous No.12969204]

>>12968970
just get one like everyone else lmao

[Anonymous No.12969233]

>>12954182
Based
>>12966973
Not based

[Anonymous No.12969257]

>>12968542
I hope she got the ability to experience happiness raped out of her by modeling industry executives

[Anonymous No.12969374]

>>12966894
So, 4chan in general nowadays?

[Anonymous No.12969484]

>>12959104
nice

[Anonymous No.12969680]

>>12954516
She sounds european

[Anonymous No.12969898]

>>12966998
Such is the fare of anonymity.

[Anonymous No.12969981]

>>12966905

[Anonymous No.12969995]

The last time I ever went to to Starbucks out of my own freewill (outside of having been given a gift card, twice) was I think 7 years ago.I ordered hot chocolate and they just microwaved a cup of chocolate milk from a plastic jug - I watched the whole thing happen and wanted to burn the place down.
And fortunately our local ''hipster' spot isn't hipster until all the high school kids get out of school and their parents are off of work... Even if the coffee and food is expensive as shit.

[Anonymous No.12970152]

What a nice thread.

[Anonymous No.12970750]

>>12956177
the newfags are evolving

[Anonymous No.12970827]

>>12966867
because your full of shit and made the story up

[Anonymous No.12971085]

>>12970827
What makes you think so, can I ask? There were no punchline or jokes made to indicate that I just did it for the meme or attention.. Believe what you want, though.

[Anonymous No.12971165]

>>12956319
congrats on passing as a female

[Anonymous No.12971172]

>>12956527
cringe

[Anonymous No.12971186]

>>12959681
did you know that i fucking hate twin peaks