Autistic food things you do

[Anonymous No.12190766]

Whenever I eat stale/hard bread. I pretend I'm a Medieval Times Peasant or Ranger surviving off of my rations and whenever I do this, I end up having a grimace on my face while I eat. gif somewhat related

[Audrey !T.UcHElyn6 No.12190774]

>>12190766
Chop it into cubes.
Toss in a hot pan with garlic, salt, pepper, and olive oil.
Now you’re eating croutons.

[Anonymous No.12190912]

I have to eat stuff mixed with ketchup most of the time, like chicken pot pie or rice. If I have no ketchup in the fridge, my food choices become limited.

[Anonymous No.12191000]

>>12190766
When I'm cooking I can't do anything unless someone tells me what to do, and if they don't watch me closely I'll fuck it up. I can't even peel potatoes correctly. I'm trying my best but I know some people get mad and impatient with me. I wear an autism pride pin and make fart noises.

[Anonymous No.12191007]

When ever I cook things I pretend I'm presenting it to Gordon ramsay and talk mad shit about my food

[jevin No.12191011]

whenever i'm eating something out of a tub or jar like peanut butter i always make sure i lick the spoon completely clean before washing it

i can't eat jam or fruit preserves because the texture reminds me of chopped up spiders so when i'm making a sandwich i cut up the jam/preserves after putting it on

when eating sushi every piece has to have and equal amount of wasabi ginger and soy sauce

[Anonymous No.12191012]

>>12190766
stale bread in a bowl with milk and cinnamon. thank me later.

[Anonymous No.12191026]

>>12191012
will next week be okay for you?

[Anonymous No.12191032]

>>12190766
whenever i eat popcorn out of my hand i feel like a horse

>>12191000
based reference

[Anonymous No.12191081]

>>12191000
based cross thread poster

[Anonymous No.12191089]

>>12191000
I think I've heard of someone like you before, keep at it anon.

[Anonymous No.12191102]

When I read One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich, all I craved was some kind of a warm gruel every time he talked about how satisfying it was just to have one hot meal in the middle of the freezing cold. So I'd always make some hot oats or something, imagining how terrible it was.

[Anonymous No.12191153]

>>12190766
Whenever I eat broccoli I pretend I’m a T-Rex chomping up a tree. It’s all because of one scene that I saw from The Land Before Time

[Anonymous No.12191157]

>>12190766
>>12191102
that's pretty cute

[Anonymous No.12191172]

>>12190766
when I give my dog table scraps I pretend like I'm some master of the hunt who slaid some magnificent beast and brought home the spoils of war that I'm sharing him by the daggerful at tableside

[Anonymous No.12191564]

>>12191000
Trips checked

I have class with you on Tuesday afternoons in Stafford Courts. You always flirt with that guy Jerry

[Anonymous No.12191592]

When I'm fasting and hungry as fuck I come on /ck/ and just shitpost as hard and fast as possible. It's a torturous pleasure.

[Anonymous No.12191621]

>>12191026
lol

[Anonymous No.12191624]

>>12190766
good idea for a thread

[Anonymous No.12191631]

>>12190766
I still sculpt mashed potato volcanoes, using gravy or creamed corn as the lava.

Im deep into my 20s but if I ever have kids I like to think that ill pass down my skills to the next generation, who will take up my torch.

[Anonymous No.12191713]

The last slice of pizza, I take off the cheese and toppings. I finish the crust, then savor the cheese and toppings. I do the same with the piece of a burger, sandwiches, and gyros. But never tacos, or burritos. I know, but ehh.

[Anonymous No.12191721]

>>12191011
jaste bevin

[Anonymous No.12191723]

Whenever I suck big black cock I feel like the original poster

[Anonymous No.12191727]

>>12191007
>>12191000
You two should really hang out.

[Anonymous No.12191738]

>>12190766
Whenever I eat stew I pretend I'm some weary traveler stopping by a small inn off of a dirt road in the woods and enjoying a long awaited hearty meal and rest before I need to head on my way the following morning.

[Anonymous No.12191749]

>>12191738
Based wholesome autism poster.

[Anonymous No.12191861]

I chomp into these very obnoxiously and pretend I'm a buck tooth beaver chowing down on a log of wood

I laugh my ass off and slap my hand flat as if it was a big beaver tail

[Anonymous No.12191953]

>>12191000
Trips confirms, plus this is funny as fuck.

[Anonymous No.12191969]

>>12190774
PLEASE MARRY ME ILL GIVE YOU EVERYTHING

[Anonymous No.12191970]

Whenever I serve dinner to my fat lazy wife, I like to imagine I’ve poisoned it with strychnine and that she’s going to die in spasms of unbearable agony.

[Anonymous No.12191973]

I occasionally eat burritos with only cheese and ketchup in it (I’m mexican btw)

I can’t eat meat unless there’s room on the plate for me to cut it apart so I’ll eat the sides first if there’s no room

I always try to be autistically perfect when I cook things to the point I’m typically a bit slower than what I think is the normal speed of most tasks

[Anonymous No.12191992]

>>12191973
Fuck I forgot a couple

I always eat burgers from the outside in, like I eat the outer edges before I eat the center.

I always save whatever I perceive as the best for last even though it would taste better if I ate the best thing first (because hunger) but it also ensures I eat everything.

I literally force myself to eat everything even if it hurts, unless there’s so much left I can save it and have a decently sized meal for leftovers.

[Anonymous No.12192122]

I drink all soups from the bowl. Finger never touches a spoon. Learned it from when I was younger and single parent too busy to clean so we rarely had clean utensils. Made more sense to clean just a bowl.

[Anonymous No.12192126]

>>12190766

[Anonymous No.12192185]

>>12190766
When I open a pack of hotdogs, I eat the first one, and then shove the other 7 directly up my anus.

[Anonymous No.12192322]

>>12191007
fucking kek

[Anonymous No.12192328]

>>12191011
>when eating sushi every piece has to have and equal amount of wasabi ginger and soy sauce
The ginger is for after you eat the sushi, tomodachi.

[Anonymous No.12192336]

>>12190766
When I eat and I'm happy I hum mmmmmmmmmmmmm very quietly for most of the meal.

[Anonymous No.12192539]

>Make popcorn
>Intend to watch something while eating it but end up watching videos on how to make popcorn and movie theatre popcorn ads
>Do something like this with everything I eat

[Anonymous No.12192607]

Whenever I eat just regular pasta, usually elbow, bowtie, or rotini, I'll eat them one at a time and pretend I'm one of those woodpecker-type birds that drill holes into trees and eat the grubs and worms from the wood.
Saw a documentary on it once, and now it's a decade-old strange habit for me...

[Anonymous No.12192613]

I commentate to myself when i'm cooking

>'you want to add a splash of Worcestershire sauce, not too much cause you don't want to overpower the bacon' etc.

its comfy

[Anonymous No.12192671]

ha i do all of these...hey wait.. a-are you guys making fun of m-me? i'm not have fun any more. fuck you guys

[Anonymous No.12192901]

>>12190766
this time a little while ago, during my senior year in high school ( 3 years ago ) i was autistically obsessed with don't starve, so all i ate was meatballs, meat dipped in honey, raw carrots and marshino cherries. this lasted like 3 weeks until
i had to stop after i gave myself a really bad hemorrhoid trying to poop.

[Anonymous No.12193475]

>>12192122
Same but I eat all soups from a spoon. My finger never even touches a bowl. Makes more sense just to clean a spoon

[Anonymous No.12193737]

When I'm cooking I constantly clean my spatula/whatever utensil in the sink any time I'm not using it.

[Anonymous No.12193748]

I won't drink water.
I Won't drink beer or wine, only vodka mixed with soda
The meat needs to be placed on the left-hand side of my plate and I eat left to right.
I ALWAYS us a metal knife and fork, even for pizza. No plastic cutlery for me.

[Anonymous No.12194015]

>>12190774
thanks Audrey, please have sex with me

[Anonymous No.12194020]

>>12191011
>chopped up spiders
absolutely based autismo maximo

[Anonymous No.12194656]

When eating a sandwich, I eat crust first and center last. It's my prefered way of eating it but I can't do it in public.

I notice when people eat their dinner in the same order that I would, and feel a little impressed. For example: take a meat and two veg dinner. Some people would eat veg first, meat last, or vice versa. Some eat one part at a time, some mix everything together and eat it like slop. In my case, I would try each thing individually first, then mix two things together to see how they match up, then combine them at random, leaving whatever the best bite is for last. I don't do this consciously, but I appreciate it when I see others doing it the same way. It's truly the most patrician way to eat your dinner.

[Anonymous No.12194749]

>>12191992
Are you me

[Anonymous No.12194751]

>>12194656
BASED sandwich autist. I do the exact same shit.

[Anonymous No.12194989]

Whenever I eat tacos I jump over my backyard fence.

[Anonymous No.12195008]

>>12191738
I think it's impossible not to do this when you are eating stew.

[Anonymous No.12195021]

every once in a while, i like a good snack of saltines and butter. wait til a tub of butter is soft/room temp, and literally scoop some out with each cracker

[Anonymous No.12195043]

>>12190766
I attempt to eat an entire rotisserie chicken and tear it apart with my bare hands like a madlad and when I get full I just throw the whole thing away. They're $5 anyway, I don't give a shit

[Anonymous No.12195242]

Sometimes I just give up on my food and get passive aggressive as fuck with it. For example, if I am eating a food that is best served hot, but it isn’t as hot as I would like it, instead of simply reheating it like a normal person, I’ll just eat it as quickly as possible without even savoring the flavor, while trying to hold back tears. I don’t know why i do this shit. Like if my gf brings me coffee and it isn’t piping hot, I’ll just slam the fucker and be pissed off for a few minutes. This also happens with soups (one of my favorite foods). If it isn’t hot to the point where it burns my mouth, I just drink it straight from the bowl in a matter of seconds and find something else to eat. Also, also do this if a food is slightly flawed. If my taco shell cracks, I’ll purposely not give a fuck and eat is messy while feeling extreme annoyance and anger. Same with candy bars. If it’s slightly melted or broken upon opening it, I’ll just break the thing. Holy shit, food fucking angers me sometimes.

[Anonymous No.12195264]

>>12191007
Fucking kek. That actually sounds kinda fun

[Anonymous No.12195469]

>never eat the bread ends
>still hold on to them and don't throw them out until they're moldy
Every time

[Anonymous No.12195822]

>>12191172
I bet your dog thinks the same thing. Dogs are real bros.

[Anonymous No.12195849]

I eat chicken/tuna salad-cracker kits and pretend I'm eating an old C-ration or MCI.

NIIIIIIICE.

>Thanks a lot, Steve.

[Anonymous No.12195970]

>>12195849
huh?

[Anonymous No.12196114]

>>12195970
what do you not understand?

[Anonymous No.12196230]

>>12195469
>>12194656
>>12191992
>I literally force myself to eat everything even if it hurts, unless there’s so much left I can save it and have a decently sized meal for leftovers.
>>12191738
>>12191032
same

[Anonymous No.12196261]

when i was a kid i would never want meat on my sandwiches, just mustard

so my mom would make me mustard sandwiches (on rye) i would eat the two pieces of bread separately, like a fine mustard-based bruschetta

eventually my teacher started bringing sandwiches with meat on it for me and my parents had to explain to her that we're not actually poor their kid just only eats mustard sandwiches

haven't eaten one in years though but it continued through college because it was an easy cheap meal

[Anonymous No.12196465]

>>12192126
BASED af achewood poster

[Anonymous No.12196544]

>turn the pull tab on a can to a 45 degree angle clockwise before drinking
>tear the crust off 1 slice of bread on a sandwich and eat that separately, some times with jam or apple butter
>smash dry ramen bricks before boiling instead of dealing with long noodles, i never do this with spaghetti
>keep chocolate in the fridge but never eat it cold, always leave it out for an hour so it's room temp before eating
think i have too much autism

[Anonymous No.12196631]

Whenever I eat combos, I bite them in half lengthwise so half of the pretzel comes off, scrape out the exposed cheese core with my teeth, and then eat the other half of the pretzel.

[Anonymous No.12196636]

>>12190766
Before I was around 8, I used to pretend that whenever I ate baked beans or nutrigrain bars, that I was eating whatever Sam Neil ate in the Jurassic Park 3 scene where he and the kid hide overnight in a crashed van/truck. I even mimicked the scraping of the can and coughed like his character too.
Don’t know why I did it.

[Anonymous No.12196647]

This is un-ironically the funniest thread I have read on this board.

Also, I eat like a dog/animal when no one is around to watch me. Just straight up put my face in the plate, no hands or utensils, and wash my face when I'm done.

[Anonymous No.12196793]

I wipe my hands and mouth after every bite of food/every time I touch food and waste napkins.

Most people I know wait until they are done eating.

I blame it on my facial hair hair to save face, but truth is I cant stand having food residue on me. It's also an excuse to eat slower since I'm naturally anorexic and tend to get full after only eating a small amount. [I've eaten maybe 4k cals in this this past week] .

[Anonymous No.12196806]

>>12195849
I get it. Sometimes the imagination makes shitty food good. When I eat crap like that I pretend the world has ended and that's the best I can scavange.

[Anonymous No.12196836]

>>12190766
I travel around the perimeter of the soup bowl after pouring it out of the pot to find the coldest point, and eat from there.

[Anonymous No.12196860]

>>12190766
I eat 90% of my meals with a fork and knife.

[Anonymous No.12196863]

i spit out anything that doesnt dissolve into an adequate paste or liquid after about five seconds of chewing. i drink a lot of ensure to compensate.

[Anonymous No.12196867]

>>12192613
>it's comfy
Seems more like neurotic narcissism to me.

[Anonymous No.12196868]

>>12190766
>Whenever I'm eating _____ I always pretend I'm ______.
Jesus fucking christ, other people do this? My wife told me she does this shit and I thought it was retarded in an adorable way. You ugly fucks don't get that leniency from me.

[Anonymous No.12196891]

I freeze my pans instead of washing them.

[Anonymous No.12196896]

>>12196868

[Anonymous No.12196923]

>>12196868
Whenever I'm eating anything I always pretend I'm not a waste of flesh and that this food is being eaten so that I can stay alive and continue to bless the world with my presence

[Anonymous No.12196944]

>>12196544
>smash dry ramen bricks before boiling instead of dealing with long noodles
so im not the only one!

[Anonymous No.12196974]

>>12191153
Thats rad!

[Anonymous No.12197063]

>>12191102
When I read it I thought to myself, damn and I thought I was having a bad day.
I eat standing up and clean as I eat and cook so when I am done cooking Im also done eating and cleaning.

[Anonymous No.12197114]

I don't really drink soda anymore but when I did I'd pretend I was a medieval knight or something and I had been given the soda can from someone in the future who told me it was a magical elixir and would marvel at the can and the carbonation.

[Anonymous No.12197135]

>>12190766
If im eating rice or penne pasta, i eat three single grains of rice or 3 single peices of pasta, 1 at a time and then i finish my meal like a normal person. I do the same with cereal, honeynut loops. Rice crispies etc

[Anonymous No.12197150]

>>12197114
stupid retarded faggot

[Anonymous No.12197162]

>>12197114
Honestly. You have autism.

[Anonymous No.12197167]

>>12190766
When I take my depositories I pretend I'm a Medieval Times Peasant unbirthing chicken eggs.

[Anonymous No.12197179]

>>12197167
wut

[Anonymous No.12197182]

>use my mouth to rip n’tear steak rather than cut it
>would always use a fork in situations where forks aren’t conventional, ice cream, rice, i.e
>would pretend I’m eating rations whenever I eat something garbage
>whenever I eat, I would say or think the word munch like “Munch Munch Munch Munch”

[Anonymous No.12197358]

>>12190774
Post cute feet or dick(feminine)

[Anonymous No.12197396]

>>12190766
I eat the salad first and leave whatever I like the most (any kind of potatoes, especially) for last. Ben doing it since I was 3, and I don't hate vegetables.
I only eat with a fork unless it's completely necessary to use a spoon.
I need to do the dishes as I cook to feel some sort of rush while things are being done over the pan or the oven. Remember to wash your hands properly!
Whenever I do the dishes I HAVE to clean the cutlery first, or else I get frustrated while picking up dishes or cups through them.
I like to put catsup over bananas.

[Anonymous No.12197419]

>>12196793
>Comes to /cock/
>Isn't /fat/

[Anonymous No.12197471]

>>12191970
Nice try. You don't have a wife.

[Anonymous No.12197501]

>eat peanut butter sandwiches only without the jam. i used to eat it with jam but after we ran out, i ate one without it. since then, i never ate a peanut butter sandwich with jam
>i have a cup of milk when i eat ice cream. i don't know why i do this, i guess it makes it like a milkshake?
>if im eating soup, i always need a drink in a cup for me. again, i dont know why.
>if i got different types of food on my plate, i always keep it separated when eating, i dont like it when they mix
>if theres dipping sauce or crumbs on my plate after i finish eating, i lick it up
>whenever i eat hot pockets (inb4 janny joke, i like how they taste sometimes) i always cut it with a fork and knife when eating

[Anonymous No.12197568]

I'm physically unable to proceed cooking when someone else is watching me

[Anonymous No.12197718]

>>12196631
Not autistic enough, I nibble away the cracker/pretzel and leave just the barest shell of it around the filling, then eat that last.

[Anonymous No.12197720]

>>12197167
>depositories
Quit LARPing as a homosexual library faggot. It’s SUPPOSITORIES you fuckin glue sniffer.

[Anonymous No.12197936]

>>12190766
used to eat just about everything with a steak knife & fork
>invited out to deli for lunch ->get a sandwich ->request steak knife (usually already have fork)
>asked, "Why?"
>"These are the optimal tools for me to to control the composition of each bite - plus I don't get my hands greasy this way
while i still go with sharp-knife & fork for more meals than most; i've toned it down for, what is generally considered, finger foods as i've aged opting to "go with the flow" instead of hunting down a plate, knife, fork, and adequate seating arrangement so that I might be situated to do proper eating
>>12193748
>>12196860
>>12197501
he gets it.

I remember having a 10 minute conversation with a girlfriend explaining why the mini-spatula should be a common, albeit specialty, utensil
>you know? for cobblers and things of a similar consistency

[Anonymous No.12198076]

>>12197936
wtf is a mini spatula

[Anonymous No.12198156]

Sometimes I like to lock myself in my room, cover my window so that its pitch black, sit on the floor, turn on my gas lamp, put on some atmospheric music, and eat berries, nuts, and jerky with my guns next to me and pretend I'm in some kind of apocalypse hinding from an outside danger. Sometimes ita zombies, sometimes it's an eldritch horror come for humanity and I'm one of the very few humans remaining. This one time I was so into my RP that I legitimately jumped because my phone rang.

[Anonymous No.12198843]

>>12198156
>solo-LARP based meal planning
topped

[Anonymous No.12199650]

>>12190766
i like to pretend jerky is dippin' tobacco and plug it into my lip.

[Anonymous No.12199662]

>>12190766
Peeling boiled eggs that dont peel easily makes me autistically mad. I can handle a little bit of white chipping away but after a certain point i just drop the whole thing into the garbage with a disgusted face.

[Anonymous No.12199681]

>>12190766
that's pretty based anon, I'm genuinely impressed

[Audrey !T.UcHElyn6 No.12199699]

>>12191969
Ok, let’s do it.

>>12194015
Ok, let’s do it.

>>12197358
No-K, let’s’nt do it.

[Audrey !T.UcHElyn6 No.12199701]

>>12199699
....let’s’n’t