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/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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12112855 No.12112855 [Reply] [Original]

Bros I haven't shit in a solid month. I need to get some foods in me that will push the feces out of my body.

Any suggestions?

>> No.12112859
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12112859

just get it surgically removed

>> No.12112860

>>12112855
If its actually been a month you probably need surgery to remove all the poops

>> No.12112866
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12112866

>>12112859
>>12112860
How do I get poopectomy?

>> No.12112869

If you're lactose intolerant, milk will usually do it.

>> No.12112875

>>12112869
im not a nigger.

>> No.12112895

>>12112855
Caffeine and cigarettes are the best laxative

>> No.12112906

>>12112855
Drink a lot of water and consume a lot of vitamin C.

>> No.12112914

>>12112855
miralax

>> No.12112915

they sell stool softener capsules at the pharmacy, use as directed, stay hydrated

>> No.12112923

>>12112855
Quit eating all your moms prescription narcotics.

>> No.12112943
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12112943

>>12112855
Borsch, milk, and grapefruit.
You'll be shitting your insides out faster than you can say 'kurva' .

>> No.12112945

>>12112943
*borscht

>> No.12112949

>>12112855
>haven't shit in a solid month
How are you not in excruciating pain? If you try to pass that, your anus will fissure for sure.
You need actual emergency surgery

>> No.12112958

>>12112949
maybe I can cut it out myself

>> No.12112964

>>12112943
>>12112945
borschtsch

>> No.12112966

>>12112866
Go to the doctor

>> No.12112972

>>12112855
Try eating beans /w meatballs.

>> No.12113619

eat a huge meal&drink, go walk an hour

>> No.12113631

>>12112855
stop taking opiates

>> No.12113661

>>12112855
I will often go a week without doing it. I have to take Metamucil every day or I get backed up.

>> No.12113715

>>12113661
I've been routinely taking laxatives for a year. Sometimes I'll be able to push poop out on my own but it's never enough. I want a colon vacuuming

>> No.12113845

>>12112855
Food grade mineral oil or if you are really impacted an enema.

>> No.12114188

>>12112855
Try boiling some dried plums and then drinking their juice
Also, eat more fiber

>> No.12114237

>>12112855
Drink Prune juice and eat some fiber. You'll be shitting soon.

>> No.12114266

>>12112855
OP here, i've been on the toilet for almost 3 hours and something popped out....it feels like it may be my colon....brb

>> No.12114305

>coffee
>yoghurt
>kombucha

all these things make me shit my brains out

>> No.12114320

>>12112855

GRANOLA

>> No.12114402
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12114402

Vegetarianfag here.
Just want y'all to know that I take one dump, once a day, in the morning, like clockwork.
Thanks for listening, meatfags.

>> No.12114419

>>12112915
This but use suppository. Or drink prune juice

>> No.12114426

>>12114266
Post pic

>> No.12114436

>>12112958
Your poopyhole will need lube.

>> No.12114445

When I was a kid I was on vacation and I couldn't poop anywhere besides home so my parents send me to the doctor and she put an enema into my butt it looked kind of like one of those silicone handyworker syringe thingies. The doctor was a 30 year old woman she looked pretty hot.

>> No.12114450

>>12114402
I take two dumps a day. Once a big one in the morning and a little one in the evening. I used to have issues too where i wouldn't poop for days. We must cherish our ability to do so.

>> No.12114613

the fuck is with all these pooplets? I shit a minimum of 4 times a day, decent healthy sized ones and it takes less than 30 seconds.<div class="like-perk-cnt">&#x1F437;</div>

>> No.12114617

>>12114613
>doesn't even wipe or clean hands<div class="like-perk-cnt">&#x1F438;</div>

>> No.12114627

>>12114613
How much do you weigh?

>> No.12114661

>>12114627
About 300 but I’m a big guy and carry it well. 4 poops a day because I need a lot of calories when I’m active driving around for work

>> No.12114672

>>12112855
papaya smoothie. that'll unclog literally anyone.

>> No.12114742
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12114742

>>12112855
eat this and you'll shit so hard you'll never want to poop again

>> No.12114754

>>12114661
>I'm a fat fuck
Lmao

>> No.12114758

>>12114754
I'm a fat fuck, I like the roast duck.

>> No.12114785

>>12112923
This.

>> No.12114795

Milk of magnesia
Grapefruit
Water

Also give yourself an enema

>> No.12114863
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12114863

>>12114758

>> No.12114869

The longest I haven’t pooped was about 4 days I think. I had to share my room with my crush during a group travel. Whenever I shit I emit the loudest farts so I just could’t do it. Whenever we were outside I tried to shit in some public restroom but my body just decided not to shit. On the 4th day, it couldn’t hold it anymore and I shat a ton in some coffee place’s restroom. We are now together and I still have issue whenever she stays at my place for the week-end.

>> No.12114881

>>12112855
Ive had this problem recently. Hadnt shit in 2 or 3 weeks. Started eating oats with chia seeds, syrup, almond milk and fresh fruit every morning and it cleared me right out.

>> No.12114907

>>12114881
The shit thats been in me for weeks smelled rotten. On the 5th day of eating oats every morning my old stool and my new stool were chunkily morphed together.
In high school I didn't shit for a few weeks but also barely ate. I could feel the shit in my ass all day in school and was worried about diarrhea. When I finally got home, right as I was entering the bathroom t squirts out of my ass. It was yellow and smelled like rotting fish.

>> No.12115006
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12115006

>>12112859
Jesus fucking christ

>> No.12115363

>>12114907
Even when I don't shit for 2 days my shit smells rancid. It's so strong and pungent it's makes me want to shit faster.

>> No.12115425

>>12113661
Fuck dude. I shit multiple times a day.

>> No.12115520

>>12112859
What the fuck.

>> No.12115529

>this entire thread

What the fuck is wrong with Americans?

>> No.12115903
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12115903

>>12112859
dey eat da poo poo

>> No.12115992

>>12112859
cultural decline of the west.

>> No.12116001

>>12115529
The opioid epidemic + processed/fast food + all the other legal drugs and alcohol people are taking in will do this

>> No.12116097

>>12114445
when I was 22 my smoking hot nurse was getting me ready for a bowel resection the next morning.
the enema she put in my ass looked like a silicone bullet.
I almost didn't make it to the toilet, within 60 seconds I was squirting
when I told the nurse that I let loose as soon as she left the room, she tells me we need to do it again but try to keep it in a little longer.
easier said than done

>>12112855
I haven't shit solid in years.
if anyone is so backed up I'll tell what I heard from an old neighbor.
he said he fell off a ladder and couldn't control his bowels or bladder. so I asked him what he did about pooping and he tells me that the VA sends him rubber gloves every month, and he picks it out EVERYDAY
I couldn't believe what I was hearing, give it a try

>> No.12116142
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12116142

>>12116097
>sends him rubber gloves every month, and he picks it out EVERYDAY

>> No.12116209

>>12114661
>active
>driving<div class="like-perk-cnt"><img alt="" width="160" height="160" src="//s.4cdn.org/image/partyhat.gif"></div>

>> No.12116443

Broccoli, peas, applesauce mixed with cinnamon to irritate the lining of your stomach and stimulate maximum poo, beans of any kind, peanut butter and a huge glass of milk

Never fails

>> No.12116456
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12116456

>>12112859
>that sultry saxophone bit in "the black saint and the sinner lady" kicked in right as they started sticking their spoons in

>> No.12116472

>>12112855
Cheeseburger happy meal.

Thank me later.