/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.11983725]

>Wait, wait don't tell me...table for one right?

[Anonymous No.11983729]

You can join me, Clarice

[Anonymous No.11983733]

>>11983729
I bet you thought that sounded so witty and clever in your head you cringelord faggot

[Anonymous No.11983741]

>>11983733

[Anonymous No.11983746]

Say yes and give a serious, cold, thousand mile stare.

[Anonymous No.11983754]

>>11983725
Nah. The bar will do just fine

[Anonymous No.11983765]

>>11983725
do I look like a non-american? booth for one.

[Anonymous No.11983812]

im a gamer

[Anonymous No.11983836]

>>11983725
Is that Ivanka Trump? All wh*tes look pretty much the same to me.

[Anonymous No.11983854]

>>11983725
>"Nice try wagie Stacy, I'm here to order take-out"
>*grabs order*
>walks over to door
>open door with one foot in the door way
>turn around while tipping the fedora
>"nothing personal, love"
>*close door with slam*
>*teleports away*

[Anonymous No.11983859]

>>11983836
This is Ivanka. Op pic is a wagie

[Anonymous No.11983890]

so this tables free....
ha im just joking im not gonna steal the table, hey the names humphrey if I shat my pants could I...
get into yours?

[Anonymous No.11983999]

>>11983725
>starts crying and walks away

[Anonymous No.11984009]

>>11983859
Goddess

[Anonymous No.11984015]

>>11983859
She's half plastic tho

[Anonymous No.11984021]

>>11983725
Nobody has ever cared that I've just rocked up for a table for one.
Or maybe I'm too autistic to notice.

[Anonymous No.11984025]

>>11983725
fuck you anon this actually made me sad

[Anonymous No.11984028]

>>11983836
You're thinking of Tiffany Trump.

[Anonymous No.11984091]

yeah maybe I will take you out, once I've stuck those highlighters up your pussy

[Anonymous No.11984368]

>>11983725
Noope. Table for two.....me and my book. Now get moving Thot!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous No.11984375]

>>11984015
if she's so plastic why does she have a retard face

[Anonymous No.11984384]

>>11983746
>serious, cold, thousand mile stare.
How do I stop doing this?
I look like this even when I'm literally trying not to.

[Anonymous No.11984392]

>>11983859
Holy shit

[Anonymous No.11984397]

>>11984091
Real live /ck/ poster right here

[Anonymous No.11984401]

>>11984384
"Smile!"

[Anonymous No.11984408]

>>11984401
When I smile I either look gay or like some kind of graphic novel villain

[Anonymous No.11984413]

>>11984408
So grin a little you social moron.

[Anonymous No.11984447]

>>11984375
this but shes purtty, not retarded.
If she was plastic she would have a much less round face.

[Anonymous No.11984451]

>>11983741

[Anonymous No.11984453]

>>11984091
>in her pussy
fucking faggot

[Anonymous No.11984455]

yes m‘lady

feel free to join me on r/forumrpgs for more epic erping :)

[Anonymous No.11984457]

>>11983725
na, ima have a seat at the bar

[Anonymous No.11984478]

>>11983725
Wow, you are very observant. Are you an EEOC hire?

[Anonymous No.11984482]

>>11984451

[Anonymous No.11984492]

>>11983859
Obama looked better.

[Anonymous No.11984525]

>>11983859
The trump features look a lot better on women.

[Anonymous No.11984528]

>>11983725
>i'm just gonna sit at the bar

[Anonymous No.11984541]

>>11983812
Rise UP!

[Anonymous No.11984574]

>>11983859
Awooooooooooga

[Anonymous No.11984594]

>>11984541
*lifts spork*

[Anonymous No.11984620]

>>11983859
>those slight pokies

[Anonymous No.11985137]

>>11983725
Your pressumption is mistaken you minimimum wage earning trollop. My mother is parking the car and will be along shortly to join me for dinner

[Anonymous No.11985143]

>>11983725
>Two. Mom is with me

[Anonymous No.11985163]

>>11983725
Actually, two. Not here, though. A decent place. C'mon. Let's go.

[Anonymous No.11985570]

>>11983725
cue https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m38ZcHCG444&t=53

[Anonymous No.11985724]

>>11983859
muh dik

[Anonymous No.11985739]

>>11984375
because she has retard genes.

[Anonymous No.11985743]

>>11983725
Yep. Table for one, oh, and get your manager for the sarcastic bullshit, would ya? Hurry up now!

[Anonymous No.11985796]

>>11985743
Id throw you put for such a behaviour. No one will talk in this way to my manager

[Anonymous No.11985814]

>>11984541
Upvoted!

[Anonymous No.11985822]

>>11985739
She looks like Chelsea Clinton (but a million times hotter) on the left.

[Anonymous No.11985831]

>>11984384
Just beeeeee yourself!

[Anonymous No.11985838]

>>11983725
Based as fuck

[Anonymous No.11985842]

>>11983754
This.

And not as a joke. I'm usually only alone at places when I'm checking them out beforehand or waiting for someone.

[Anonymous No.11985942]

>>11985137
She should be lashed for such an egregious assault on common decency and a proper geometry.

[Anonymous No.11986457]

>>11983725
id like where she shits from raw

[Anonymous No.11986470]

Literally no hostess would ever say this.

My favorite thing here is all you neck beards think women are out to get you. Stay miserable, virgins.

[Anonymous No.11986480]

>>11986470
Huh?

[Anonymous No.11986484]

>>11986470
>My favorite thing here is all you neck beards think women are out to get you.

if only

[Anonymous No.11986488]

>>11983725
Has anyone ever actually had a hostess say this to them? Usually restaurant girls are really friendly if I come in alone.

[Anonymous No.11986490]

is hostess the easiest job in the industry

really typifies womens position in life

[Anonymous No.11986529]

>>11986470
That's the plan

[Anonymous No.11986538]

>>11983725
nothing wrong with eating alone, eating is actually one of the few things that's nice and peaceful alone to be honest.

[Anonymous No.11986544]

>>11986470
No shit, you fucking retard. Glad we have smart fucks like you around here to explain every joke.

[Anonymous No.11986572]

>>11983725
>not just sitting at the bar instead...
>>11986538
This. I usually like BYOs. I like to sit outside on the patio, have a bottle of wine and enjoy my pizza.

[Anonymous No.11986605]

>>11984384
haha if you feel sad just put on a smile face haha

[Anonymous No.11986618]

>>11983725
N-n-no I'm meeting someone here they're going to be late
>sits in back and sneaks out before >server brings back drinks

[Anonymous No.11986631]

Can I borrow your teeth? I'm going to order salt lick and a bale of hay.

[Anonymous No.11986648]

I really want to go to some of my favorite restaurants, but my wife left me, and I'm not going to date for a long while. Fucking sucks desu

[Sage No.11986668]

>>11983854
>personal
it's personnel shit lord

[Anonymous No.11986681]

>>11986668
You better watch your mouth

[Sage No.11986710]

>>11986681
I'm currently filing my teeth for maximum edge when I talk

[Anonymous No.11986745]

>>11983725
yep, now drop the tude douchenozzle

[Anonymous No.11986748]

>>11986470
>all you neck beards think women are out to get you
You must have a very blessed life to not know what it feels like to have a woman look at you with resentment, disgust and pure hatred as you approach to order food from an establishment. I hope you never experience this.

[Anonymous No.11986756]

>>11984384
I feel you bro, I suffer from resting serial killer face

[Anonymous No.11986762]

>>11986748
dude, three things to help ya
bathe
shave
hang/fold your clothes before they wrinkle

[Anonymous No.11986807]

>>11983725
"Table for one right?!"

"yeah, want to join me?"

easy...

[Anonymous No.11986863]

>>11983836
The people with the highest variation in skin tone, hair color and eye color all look the same to you?

[Anonymous No.11987009]

>>11986863
Don't reply to him, is a ching chong coping that they all look the same.

[Anonymous No.11987066]

>>11984525
lmao it really do be like that

imagine fucking Ivanka and then after cumming conemplating how u just put ur dick inside some1 who used to be a sperm inside Donalds balls

rly makes u think

[Anonymous No.11987079]

>>11983859
Reminder that she used to date Quincy Jones

[Anonymous No.11987161]

>>11984015
based

[Anonymous No.11987178]

You'd be surprised how many singles go to a restaurant, especially at lunch. Nobody gives a shit.

[Anonymous No.11987217]

>>11983725
Nah. Just scoping this place out for a date I got going on later. I'm also gonna have to check out the kitchen to see if I can trust the chefs- I mean to see if they can meet my dates diet stuff. She's got that gluten thing, ya know?
Don't worry if they go missin or anything. I'm sure they'll show up.

[Anonymous No.11987265]

>>11983836
I saw Ivanka Trump at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told her how cool it was to meet her in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother her and ask her for photos or anything.
She said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but she kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing her hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard her chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw her trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in her hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Ma'am, you need to pay for those first.” At first she kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, she stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, she kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

[Anonymous No.11987278]

>>11983725
Nope. I'm sitting at the bar.

[Anonymous No.11987416]

>>11984368
B A S E D as F U C K

[Anonymous No.11988031]

Rather than getting ridiculed by the staff, because if that were the case, there would be something seriously wrong with the establishment, I'm more afraid of what kind of table I would get.

Like surely it would be this sort of tiny thing which would be so delicate I would need to eat super carefully so not to spill my meal. What's more, the table would surely be at the center of the room or some other place where everyone will walk past and look at me resentfully.

[Anonymous No.11988148]

>>11983725
Is this chick famous or anything? She looks so fucking familiar to me like she's either a celebrity or I went to school with her or something.

[Anonymous No.11988152]

>>11988148
She's the face of every roastie who has ever laughed at you for being a beta incel.

[Anonymous No.11988175]

>>11983859
wtf is going on with her face. It's like a plastic surgeon tried to make a downie look like a kardashian

[Anonymous No.11988230]

>>11988152
I'm not an incel but nice projection, bud

[Anonymous No.11988265]

>>11983725
I travel for work a lot and eat alone a lot. We get reimbursed and not flat per diem.
The one time this happened to me I just told her no thank you, did a 180, and left.

[Anonymous No.11988269]

>>11988031
comfy as fuck
would choose to sit there
no shame
love to look out of windows
love to be alone

[Anonymous No.11988451]

>>11988269
Look at the leg room idiot.

[Anonymous No.11988462]

>>11987066
>"honey, what are you thinking about?"
>"your father's balls"

[Anonymous No.11988468]

>>11987178
I do. I think it's funny. My girlfriend and I sometimes sit there making up backstories for the single guys eating alone based on what they look like and what they ordered. It's a funny game and I recommend others try it.

[Anonymous No.11988587]

>>11983733
She's asking for it with such a comment, whiny homo.