What a Fedora Imagines When he Orders Black Coffee

[Anonymous No.11844570]

>*A portly fellow in a flame shirt waddles to the counter of a Starbucks*
>"What would you like sir?"
>*The atheist squints around the coffee bar, his hands at the sides of his khaki shorts like he had two holsters. With one hand he expertly pulls out his wallet and with the other, he brings the tip of his hat down before placing his order*
>"Coffee. Black."
>*A hush falls over the patrons and staff. Women gush in their panties as whispers from men can't believe what's transpiring. The barista looks like he's about to faint, his grip on the cup furiously shaking as he slides it over the counter to our hero. If this order is taking place in the ghetto, several black people go DAAAAAAAAAAAMN*
>*The cheetoh avenger slaps down a sticky five and a quarter with his hamhock fist before mumbling to no one that they should "keep the change", knowing he's a far more euphoric human being than people that put sugar or milk in their coffee*

Don't worry dauntless fans of this sodium-hearted man of action, he'll be back in next weeks tantalizing issue, "I'll Have EVERYTHING With Bacon..."

[Anonymous No.11844575]

Seething over there milkfag

[Anonymous No.11844584]

sneed

[Anonymous No.11844598]

>>11844570
If you can't drink your coffee black then your drinking shitty coffee. find a better roast or brewing method.

[Anonymous No.11844603]

Worked at a coffee shop for a long time, there were a lot of black coffee drinkers, and most of them were professional women.

The people like on the right of the picture would walk in and EVERY time say, "do you guys just have coffee here?" Or "do y'all have regular coffee." So that EVERYONE KNOWS that THIS guy isn't fooled by your fancy coffee that costs $3 instead of $2.

Like of course we have its a fucking coffee shop in America. Stop being so self righteous and pretending that you will catch the gay if you order espresso.

[Anonymous No.11844616]

>>11844598
I can. My beat up little machine makes pretty good short/long/americano/why-didn't-you-just-pull-out-the-pourover-filter shots depending on where I set the pressure. I just prefer cappuccino in the morning - pretend I'm actually having breakfast instead of a coffee and a cigarette to tide me over until lunch.

[Anonymous No.11844704]

>>11844603
There was a while when I was younger that I always ordered a black coffee, but it was because I could never remember the differences between different types of coffee drinks, and I didn't want to stand there asking stupid questions while people were waiting in line behind me. So I ordered black coffee, but it's because I was just awkward as fuck.

[Anonymous No.11844727]

>Be me
>Visiting NYC with a future ex-wife
>Walking thorugh Manhattan because NYC greatest city on earth
>Cool fall day
>Little diner in Little Italy
>Ask her what she wants
I don't know, what are you going to get?
>"Coffee. Regular."
OK, I'll have the same.
>*snicker* "Ok"
>Order 2 coffees, regular, to go
>Stupid cheap, like $3 for two trash-can-size paper cups
>Hit the street
>She takes one sip
They messed this up. It has cream and sugar in it.
>mfw she doesn't know what a regular coffee is

[Anonymous No.11844742]

>>11844598

This. Imagine having such a pleb palate you can't enjoy simple pleasures of life like black coffee, dark chocolate, anchovies, garlic, grapefruit, onion soup, horseradish....fuck I hate picky eaters so much. The best things to eat and drink are always simple.

[Anonymous No.11844743]

>>11844727
>>Visiting NYC with a future ex-wife
BASED AND REDPILLED

[Anonymous No.11844751]

>>11844603
>pretending that you will catch the gay if you order espresso.
>pretending

[Anonymous No.11844753]

>>11844570
You sure are mad.

[Anonymous No.11844758]

Imagine drinking so little coffee you can pump it full of calories and fat.

[Anonymous No.11844770]

>>11844570
>Starbutts
>several black people
even for a stupid greentext shitpost, you need to do some research

[Anonymous No.11844783]

>>11844570
I've only been to Starbucks a handful of times, but doesn't everywhere let you add your own cream and sugar?

[Anonymous No.11844807]

>>11844570
I don't order it black, I order it with whole milk. Wait, I don't order coffee at all, I just make it at home.

[Anonymous No.11844832]

>>11844727
>NYC
>Doesn't try to visit Oklahoma

A couple guys in first class on a flight
From new York to Los Angeles,
Kinda making small talk killing time,
Flirting with the flight attendants,
Thirty thousand feet above, could be Oklahoma,
Just a bunch of square cornfields and wheat farms,
Man it all looks the same,
Miles and miles of back roads and highways,
Connecting little towns with funny names,
Who'd want to live down there in the middle of nowhere,

They've never drove through Indiana,
Met the men who plowed that earth,
Planted that seed, busted his ass for you and me,
Or caught a harvest moon in Kansas,
They'd understand why God made those fly over states,

I bet that mile long Santa Fe freight train engineer's seen it all
Just like that flatbed cowboy stacking US steel on a 3-day haul
Roads and rails under their feet
Yeah that sounds like a first class seat

On the plains of Oklahoma
Where they windshield sunset in your eyes
Like a watercolor painted sky

You'd think heaven's doors have opened
You'll understand why God made
Those fly over states

Take a ride across the badlands
Feel that freedom on your face
Breathe in all that open space
Meet a girl from Amarillo
You'll understand why God made
Why you'd want to plant your stakes
In those fly over states

Have you ever been through Indiana
On the plains of Oklahoma,
Take a ride,

[Anonymous No.11844850]

Am I to believe that Americans don't all get up in the morning and pour a cup of coffee straight from the pot in to a cup and drink it like that as every TV show suggests?

[Anonymous No.11844875]

>>11844850
i would do this if i remembered to set the time-brew on the coffee pot, but im far too lazy and stupid for that, so starcucks it is

[Anonymous No.11844881]

why would you buy coffee when you can just make it at home and bring it with you?

[Anonymous No.11844889]

>Be me
>Just got back from a trip to Italy
>Started drinking espresso there, never drank coffee before trip
>Get home
>A new coffee shop open in my tiny ass town (<2000 people)
>They have an espresso machine
>Go to the shop and order an espresso
>Coffee dude is surprised, because literally no one in this bumfuck town has ordered a straight espresso
>Proceed to talk for a bit
>Get offered a job there
>Take it and work the rest of the summer

[Anonymous No.11844891]

>>11844889
Good on you. I hope you enjoy it.

Italy espresso best espresso.

[Anonymous No.11844901]

>>11844891
I just went back to italy and while there I drank an ungodly amount of espresso.
Italians must be a magic breed because no matter where I went, the espresso I tried was always amazing.

[Anonymous No.11844935]

>>11844901
They take pride in their work. You do the same, and you'll be successful.

Rule #1 of being successful: Give a fuck.

[Anonymous No.11844948]

>>11844570
>Caring at all how other people drink their beverages
What a faggot!