Times you went full retard with food

[Anonymous No.11735982]

>grew up lower middle class, could only ever afford the necessities and then that was really it
>Sometimes occasionally we could eat something nice but normally it was just noodles or maybe a cheap frozen pizza
>Fast forward to 17 years old
>Family goes to a relatives wedding
>At the reception there's crab legs, and lots of seafood
>Never tried seafood before this, try some shrimp and crab and I'm fucking hooked on the crab
>Grab a couple of crab legs and a cracker (was identical to pic related) and sit down
>Realize I actually don't know how to crack a crab leg
>After fiddling around with the crab cracker think I figured it out
>Try to drive the rounded ends of the cracker into the crab shell to break it and get to that succulent delicious meat inside
>I'm pushing on it
>Pushing
>Damn this is tough
>It slips and the rounded ends of the cracker drive full force into the plate I'm using
>Plate shatters, people are looking at me like I'm fucking retarded
>Very embarrassed, numble an apology and throw away the plate and get a new one
>Watch other people crack crab legs from the other end of the room until I figure it out

[Anonymous No.11735992]

>lower middle class
>doesn't know how to eat crab legs
You grew up in literal welfare poverty

[Anonymous No.11735997]

>>11735992

[Anonymous No.11736079]

>eating sea bugs

[Anonymous No.11736123]

>>11735982
>thinking crab cracker meant crab hammer
>not having a nutcracker as a frame of reference

Did your family trade TVs for bibles, lad?

[Anonymous No.11736132]

>>11735982
That's for nuts not crabs.

[Anonymous No.11736155]

>>11735982
Speaking of crackers
>get a bag of pecans in the shell for Christmas from my aunt
>how do I eat this?
>mom says you crack them
>place nut into pic related
>nutcracker breaks in two
>"anon you idiot"
DON'T NAME IT THAT THEN YOU FUCKING IDIOTS

[Anonymous No.11736209]

>>11735982
were you at a table by yourself in a room by yourself?
how did you not see others using them or parents telling you how to use it, before just pounding it with your fists.
did you use the hollowed out crab leg as a straw to suck the drawn butter with a mouth full of crab meat too?

[Anonymous No.11736422]

>>11736123
>>11736209
I just literally never had sea food before that day, it was completely foreign to me

[Anonymous No.11736541]

>>11736079
>Justifying your flyover state

[Anonymous No.11736559]

>>11735982
So you just never had crab legs before? What about when you went to the movies?

[Anonymous No.11736574]

>>11735982
mfw poors call it "lower middle class" now LOL

[Anonymous No.11736577]

>>11736559
Crab legs is possibly the weirdest thing you can have in a theater. Is that a meme ?

[Anonymous No.11736583]

>>11736577
What flyover shithole do you live in where your movie theater doesn't have crab legs?

[Anonymous No.11736668]

>>11736583
Europe, at ground level.

[Anonymous No.11736679]

>>11736668
lmao, you're in Europe, home of kinoplex cinema, and you've never had crab legs at the theater? Do you live under a rock or are you just that much of an unculture swine?

[Anonymous No.11736683]

>>11736679

[Anonymous No.11736684]

>>11736679
I didn't know europoors didn't have theater crab legs. Those sad fucks.

[Anonymous No.11736771]

>>11736155
One of the most disappointing moments of my life was when I found out "nutcrackers" were actually too fragile to crack nuts.

[Anonymous No.11737185]

>>11735982
>go to drug dealers house
>buy pot
>he offers me some pistachio nuts
>"cool, thanks"
>proceed to pop whole pistachio in my mouth
>crack open the shell with my teeth
>this hurts
>everyone is looking at me like I am deranged
>spit out shell in ashtray
>rinse and repeat
>drug dealer takes a pistachio
>cracks it open with his hands
>i stop eating
>im horrified
>i go to leave early
>run home as fast as I can

[Anonymous No.11737189]

>>11736559
I only went to the movies at Mr. LaPage's house.

[Anonymous No.11737403]

>>11735982
Anon I was lower middle class and at times even fairly poor growing up. Even my midwestern had a couple crab encounters before adulthood. Wtf man.

[Anonymous No.11737410]

>>11735982
I remember the first time I cooked a turkey, I left all of the packages giblets in it and even the little plastic hook to keep the legs together on it. Felt so fucking stupid.

[Anonymous No.11737427]

Nigger if you could only afford the necessities you were lower working class.

[Anonymous No.11737437]

>>11736574
It's been scientifically proven that most Americans just outright refuse to call themselves working class. They'll say shit like "well I can pay my bills so I'm not working class", which as a Brit is fucking hilarious.

[Anonymous No.11737441]

>>11737185
ha ha. pistachios are great but your story is better

[Anonymous No.11738111]

>>11737441
I like your post. May I save it?

[Anonymous No.11738272]

>>11738111
Sure! Go for it! Hah!

[Anonymous No.11738318]

my brother once tried to cook one of those stovetop popcorn cooking tray things (jiffy pop specifically) in the microwave. He was an actual child then so it's forgivable.

thinking them to be a good substitute, I once used chickpeas in place of lentils in a curry, before I knew what lentils were. it was my worst cooking experience to date, it didn't come together at all. I'm otherwise pretty cautious and do a lot of autistic research so I can't recall being too stupid.

[Anonymous No.11738327]

>>11736155
>>11736771
I'm pretty sure modern nutcrackers are just shittily made because the manufacturers don't expect anyone to put them to use. There's videos of functional ones on youtube.

[Anonymous No.11739973]

>>11738327
Nat geo wrote an article on the issue
https://www.nationalgeographic.com/people-and-culture/food/the-plate/2014/12/08/why-nutcrackers-dont-actually-crack-nuts/

[Anonymous No.11740364]

>>11739973
Interesting, thanks anon

[Anonymous No.11741342]

does anyone have the greentext of the guy who tried making lobsters in cleats for a girl

[Anonymous No.11741349]

>>11736679
Why are you surprised? They don't even have owls in their theaters over there.

[Anonymous No.11741413]

>>11738327
I want one now

[Anonymous No.11741432]

>>11736155
What the fuck? I remember as a kid we'd put pecans in these things and they'd never break.

[Anonymous No.11741647]

>>11737185
Top fucking kek, reminds me of the time my girlfriend told me she eats kiwis with the skin on, she thinks that’s how they’re meant to be eaten. Fucking killed me.

[Anonymous No.11741702]

By your description you grew up in the higher edges of poverty my friend.

[Anonymous No.11741727]

>>11735982
it's okay anon, people expect teenagers to be retarded

[Anonymous No.11741731]

Never had crab, lobster, oysters, caviar, octopus, squid or prawn
Never had beef wellington, lamb, ribs, filet mignon, and probably a lot of other steak cuts

I just don't eat at restaurants

[Anonymous No.11741739]

>>11741731
Germaphobe? Or just a lazy fu/ck/? Kek

[Anonymous No.11741763]

>>11741739
>germaphobe
>tfw normies find me as alien as I find them

I don't like restaurants, you have to wait, there are other people there, I feel like I'm being robbed and at the same time I also feep bad for the staff

I don't make these things myself because I wouldn't probably be able to get them good and fresh, or I just simply stick to ingredients that I know.

[Anonymous No.11741842]

>>11741763
You really aren't missing too much, but if you want to try them, try recipes and have fun, no one learned to be a chef without cooking.

[Anonymous No.11741884]

>>11741342
I hope this is it I couldn’t see since I’m on my phone

[Anonymous No.11741894]

>>11741647
I started doing this a year ago, it's fucking great. The skin is tarter and crisper to balance out the sweetness of the inside, and you can eat the kiwifruit without cutlery.

[Anonymous No.11742252]

>>11736577
The crab legs aren't actually for consumption by the theater-goers, they're mostly available to placate the falcons and keep them from causing a stir during the movie.

[Anonymous No.11742254]

>>11741884
Classic.

[Anonymous No.11742264]

>>11736679
Hes trolling you. Of course the have crab legs in the theater, even in europe. Me? I always get crab legs.

[Anonymous No.11742269]

>>11737437
imagine being so insecure that you sweat what other people say about themselves in other countries.

[Anonymous No.11742285]

>>11741647
I did this when I was a kid because I was too lazy to peel them. A little extra fiber doesn't hurt, especially when I have to shit out those awful school lunches.

[Anonymous No.11744120]

>>11742285
why would anyone skin a kiwi. it's so thin
it tastes good