Whats your biggest cooking failure ever?

[Anonymous No.11600812]

Tell me what your biggest cooking failure was in the comments.

[Anonymous No.11600869]

I tried making blood sausage from scratch once

[Anonymous No.11600990]

>>11600869
Christ, looks like someone had a horrific accident.

[Anonymous No.11601004]

>>11600990
Yeah, it's a bunch of pork blood that the sausage stuffer decided to start spraying everywhere.

Later, the ones I managed to make burst when I was trying to boil them

[Anonymous No.11601048]

>>11600869
Aren't you supposed to let the blood coagulate?

[Anonymous No.11601055]

>>11600812
Scotch eggs
>Peeling soft boiled eggs is impossible
>Even with every trick I read up on and manipulating the time I boiled them, I still went through 18 eggs before I could get them peeled entirely with the yolk popping out
>Go to pat the sausage cover and it won’t stick to the egg
>Half the eggs pop during this process too

Worst cooking experience of my life

[Anonymous No.11601076]

>>11600869
Damn son. That's why we make morcela outside

Yesterday I forgot to plug the slow cooker in before I left for work so I didn't have anything to eat for dinner. Salvageable though because I plugged it in this morning for dinner and now my pork is "extra marinaded"

[Anonymous No.11601077]

i cooked pasta once without cleaning the pot, it sticked to unremoved pieces of food and it literaly burned

[Anonymous No.11601368]

>>11600812
im
>>11600869
gay
>>11600990
btw
>>11601004
not
>>11601048
sure
>>11601055
if
>>11601076
it
>>11601077
matters

[Anonymous No.11601374]

>>11601048
Dunno, if you know more about this i'd be interested tho

[Anonymous No.11601445]

>>11601055
Try pic related before boiling, makes a huge difference for me. Never tried it with a soft boiled egg though. The pin MUST go through the fat end of the egg though or else itll all just spill out

[Anonymous No.11601455]

>>11601368
absolutely based

[Anonymous No.11601473]

>>11601368
It doesn't work if you put this much effort into it.

[Anonymous No.11601611]

>>11601368
based gay poster

[Anonymous No.11601677]

>>11601055
>>11601445
The trick is to refrigerate the eggs after they're soft-boiled. They firm up and peal easier.

[Anonymous No.11601694]

Made chili but added egg nog instead of milk because they were both next to each other in gallon jugs. Still ate it. Was awful.

[Anonymous No.11601703]

>>11601694
>buying eggs in jugs
You some kinda retard son?

[Anonymous No.11601715]

>>11601703
Egg nog.

[Anonymous No.11601781]

>>11601703
Dumb nigger.

[Anonymous No.11601786]

>>11600869
>raw pork enema gone wrong

[Anonymous No.11601799]

>>11600812
I forgot to add salt to my chocolate chip cookies

[Anonymous No.11602039]

>>11601781
Do those gloves have conductive bits for using touch screens?

[Anonymous No.11602351]

>>11600869

[Anonymous No.11602379]

just now....

was making roasted butternut squash soup, roasted poblanos, corn, chicken, brown chicken stock

fired up the stick blender

fucking forgot to take out the string-tied herb bundle, so shredded twine and thyme twigs all fucking in the soup

and fucked up my stick blender, kill me now

[Anonymous No.11602397]

>>11602379
I needed a good laugh. thanks anon
sorry to hear about you being a bad cook

[Anonymous No.11604201]

>>11601076
so you had pork sitting out at room temp for like 10 hours?
is that safe?

[Anonymous No.11604208]

>>11602039
maybe, but they look way too big and fat to be of any use even if they were.

[Anonymous No.11604242]

I once accidentally grabbed the tablespoon instead of the teaspoon when making bread first thing in the morning, it did not rise at all and so would not bake through as it should, did not have time to give it the slow long bake it would require so I baked as normal and gave the half cooked salty loaf to a friend who was incapable of constructive criticism or vocalizing dislike. To this day he still says "I distinctly remember that be a very good loaf of bread" despite my fessing up, he also can not admit to ever error or being wrong or even that his opinion has ever changed.

[Anonymous No.11605087]

I braised some octopus with halved lemons and the whole thing wound up tasting like lemon pith...it was disgusting. Second round I juiced them and it came out really good.

[Anonymous No.11605538]

>>11600869
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqVdz6CoGXI

iktf

[Anonymous No.11605558]

>in the comments
I like this

[Anonymous No.11605565]

>>11601445
Maybe I’m a dumbass but I did this for some soy sauce eggs and it broke the shell a bit (I also kept the eggs spinning to keep the yolk centered so maybe that had an effect)

[Anonymous No.11605572]

>>11600869
kek thanks for documenting your failure for us though anon

[Anonymous No.11605575]

>>11600812
Juiced an orange over a perfecly-good pan-fried pork chop I was cooking because I read they naturally pair well.

The entire thing tasted like orange juice. Fucking gross.

[Anonymous No.11605585]

i tried making an avocado burger once

[Anonymous No.11605594]

>>11604201
Room temp is like 70° max in my house and after 12 hours of 200°+ degree cooking yesterday it was fine and delicious for dinner and breakfast this morning. Your real big danger zone on bacterial growths is keeping it warm like 80°-100°f that's straight up incubation temp and bacteria will go wild in a hurry.

T. Professional cheese maker and amateur microbiologist.

[Anonymous No.11605697]

>>11605585
How the FUCK does this even happen? Jesus christ.

[Anonymous No.11605710]

>>11601076
Enjoy your botulism, anon

[Anonymous No.11606346]

Meth lab exploded

[Anonymous No.11606559]

>>11605585

Pull it out and wrap it you huge pussy.

[Anonymous No.11607072]

tried cooking steak au poivre in my college dorm and set all the fire alarms off down the hall

the fire department came and I got fined

it tasted good though

I eat sandwiches now

[Anonymous No.11607133]

>>11605697
Not that guy, but I cut off part of my index finger a month ago cleaning a bread knife and had to get it stitched up. When I asked the nurse how many kitchen mishaps end up in their office every day, she said about half of them are from people cutting themselves while trying to prep avocados, and this trend began in the last few years. Go figure.

[Anonymous No.11608502]

>>11607133
>millenials cut themselves while trying to prep avocados for avocado toast
>they go to ER, then they get slammed with a $20,000 medical bill from the hospital
>the great joke that is American healthcare allows medical insurance company to deny payment to crooked hospital billing department
>millennials can't afford rent because of medical debt

I can't really wrap my head around all of these rumored avocado related injuries. I need to see some photos of them. That oft-posted stabbing one looks like it was a weird running with knife and avocado freak accident.

[Anonymous No.11608545]

>>11601076
based iron stomach poster

[Anonymous No.11608610]

>>11605585
fuck that looks horrifying. next time please point out theres gore in the picture damn i didnt need to see that.

[Anonymous No.11609450]

>>11607133
Its so easy to cut an avacodo though. If its ripe it should slice like butter then you just gently circumvent the pit and scoop it out with a spoon. Wa la

[Anonymous No.11609631]

>>11607133
I caught my boomer dad in the kichen one time attempting to peel an avocado with a pareing knife. People of all ages can be very, very stupid.

[Anonymous No.11609646]

>>11600812
But seriously, how do I get something like in the top half of OP?

[Anonymous No.11609669]

>>11601677
>>11601445
>>11601055

Vinegar in the water partially dissolves the shell, making them easier to peel.

[Anonymous No.11609948]

>>11600869
i'm creasing here. thanks for making this day a little better

[Anonymous No.11609983]

>>11601374
This website has a lot of recipes for traditional blood sausage and one thing you'll notice immediately is they all use a grain binder and additional meat along with the blood. You don't just fill a casing with blood like a water ballon. Here's one example from the site.

https://www.meatsandsausages.com/sausage-recipes/blood-sausage

[Anonymous No.11610133]

>>11602379
This sounds like something I would do.

[Anonymous No.11610777]

tried to make Chili for the first time in a crock pot

> Had ground beef, grass fed, listed for Chili
> Had black beans instead of Kidney
> Didn't have Tomatoes or Chili seasoning
> Just added Cheese, salt, pepper, and some peppers

What's the worst that could happen?

> A few hours later I notice a smell that reminds me of vomit
> Had to throw away all the vomit food while trying not to gag.

I have no idea what caused that smell.

[Anonymous No.11611619]

>>11605585
>using a steak knife
>obviously trying to cut around the pit to remove it
bitch deserved it

[Anonymous No.11611648]

>>11600812

Zoodles Carbanara

Salted zoodles to remove the moisture but it didnt work so well but it made the zoodles super salty.

The whole thing turned into a mushy egg flecked nightmare.

I just picked out the shrimp i added and threw the rest away. Shrimp was of course, ruined.

[Anonymous No.11611653]

I drank a whole bottle of Fernet Branca once and made green beans in a curry sauce, threw them on top of a burger, used sliced sandwich bread for buns. It was awful and threw it up the next day.

[Anonymous No.11611661]

>>11600869
fucking idiot

[Anonymous No.11611696]

>>11600812
>trying to make stir fry
>plan on making spicy oil
>leave oil on the pan for far too long
>chili flakes burn the fucking second they touch the oil
>almost choke on the smoke
>whatever, scoop the burnt shit and oil off the pan
>don't wash the pan after that for some reason and just continue cooking at a lower heat
>entire stir fry tastes like charred chili

Just being a lazy retard tbqh

[Anonymous No.11611863]

>>11600812
I once, when quite young (about 12 I think), I mixed up sugar and salt when baking a cake. I don't know how, but oh man was it a salty fucking cake.

[Anonymous No.11611902]

>>11609450
Take knife and chop it slightly into the pit and twist it pops right out.

[Anonymous No.11612129]

>>11600812
I was making hashbrowns, got so distracted by me and my mother laughing about something on the television that I burned it and my mom had to go to the hospital from having a coughing fit. her lungs weren't very strong in her later years.

[Anonymous No.11612164]

One time I couldn't crack an egg properly I went through 9 eggs I think

[Anonymous No.11612181]

>>11609631
>attempting to peel an avocado with a pareing knife
Why would this not work?

[Anonymous No.11612214]

>move back into my parents house ate age 34
>had to do it because I got fired from my job at a fishmongers (for a bullshit reason, I got worried about overfishing so I started putting up signs showing the fishery status of each fish on the counters)
>tell them I will cook for them to thank them for having me
>decide to make fish and chips, with home made beer batter
>getting all the ingredients together
>dad walks in just as I am taking the fish out of the fridge
>for some reason he thinks I got fired for fucking one of the fish at the fishmongers so he loudly shouts 'making us Lovers and Chips ey anon?'
>get distracted and can't stop thinking about that comment
>end up forgetting how to make beer batter
>panic instead of looking it up
>dip the fish into some breadcrumbs soaked with vodka
>fry them for 20 minutes
>they get overcooked
>parents fucking hate it, call it disgusting
>never let me cook again
>tfw haven't cooked in 2 years now

[Anonymous No.11612303]

>>11600869
>>11605585
>jesus christ
last thing I remember was pancake that looked like spongebob's brain cancer

[Anonymous No.11612322]

>>11600812
similar

[Anonymous No.11612334]

Once I tried to make Gordon Ramsay soft scrambled eggs but the eggs smelled like cum and that distracted me so I overcooked them.
Also once I tried to make cacio e pepe but I didn't have any pasta or pecorino cheese so I made a box of gnocchi that had been in my closet for two years and just covered them with pepper and parmesan, they actually weren't that bad though. I still make it sometimes and call it "ghetto e pepe"

[Anonymous No.11612335]

>>11601694
>chili
>milk
Nigger what the fuck

[Anonymous No.11612365]

>>11601694
Huh?

[Anonymous No.11612380]

>>11600812
First, buy larger bell pepper; second, get those bitch ass tomatoes out, they aren't making it any prettier; third, cut the bell peppers slimmer so they will actually fill up; fourth, trim the extra whites and test your seasonings on them while you eat the extra before you serve the rest. Lastly, a good bell pepper's flavors will overpower the taste of eggs by 100x so it won't taste good even if you make it look pretty. Make a quiche instead.
>>11611696
Go get some fucking sesame oil dumb ass.

1. Tried to make Alfredo out of mozzarella.
2. Tried to make blondies the same way you make brownies just without chocolate
3. Tried to make beef wellington with store-bought Pillsbury biscuit dough.
4. Tried to make homemade churros and removed them from the oven at the recommended time at the recommended heat.. e.g they burned.

[Anonymous No.11612399]

I was making an omelet and decided to use leftover egg whites. It was pear juice. Tasted weird as fuck.

[Anonymous No.11612414]

>>11612399
1. why did you have egg whites in your refrigerator
2. why did you have pear juice in your refrigerator
3. why did you have egg whites and pear juice in containers ambiguous enough to get them mixed up
4. how did you not notice that the egg whites were the wrong color and consistency and smelled of pears

[Anonymous No.11612555]

>>11601677
There is another trick:
crack shell while egg is still warm (even hot), and immediately put it under cold water.
From cold temperature egg white shrinks and sucks a bit of water under shell, this let you easily peel eggs.
Simple physics, learn it instead of bible. Helps more than bible and can be verified.

[Anonymous No.11612707]

>>11600812
kept burning foods, nothing too major yet, definitely no bodily harms

[Anonymous No.11612709]

>>11600869
holy shit anon I'm uncontrollably laughing right now

[Anonymous No.11612743]

>>11612214

You sound nice and caring.. Like you Really care about fish..

[Anonymous No.11612836]

My family doesn't like it when I bake due to me not being able to sit still in terror that I'll burn whatevers in the oven.
They say I'm a different guy when I cook.

[Anonymous No.11612884]

>>11600869
imagine the smell

[Anonymous No.11612892]

I put Mountain Dew into the egg wash for bread so the sugars just carbonised destroying perfectly good crust.

[Anonymous No.11612913]

>>11612322
Cats don't possess mirror self-recognition unlike pigs.

[Anonymous No.11612922]

>>11612414
My mum was doing some baking I guess, left egg whites in glass on a table. And made a compote out of pears, poured some into glass, left on table. Color was just right, you could make a mistake. And yeah, what we are doing in my family is some sort of pancake, but everyone calls it omelet. It was actually common for me to add leftovers whites to anything fried because mum used yolks for something different.

[Anonymous No.11612950]

>>11612913
And ravens.

[Anonymous No.11612957]

>>11600812
Mistook the oil bottle for the vinegar one and ended up cooking my eggs in fucking vinegar

[Anonymous No.11612977]

>>11600869
this image turned me into vegan

[Anonymous No.11612981]

>>11609646
Cut a bell peper in half, break an egg over it and it in the oven

[Anonymous No.11612984]

I have TWICE sprayed hair spray instead of cooking spray in a pan. I don't know why I keep them together but it keeps happening!

[Anonymous No.11613020]

>>11612957
Hmm how was this? Pickled eggs are kinda tasty

[Anonymous No.11613173]

Tried to make a sauce for chicken with red wine while I was blasted and ended up over cooking and dying the chicken purple.

[Anonymous No.11613176]

>>11600812
I over marinated chicken to the point it was completely acidic

[Anonymous No.11613180]

>got a new iron pan for cooking meats in it b/c electric stove wouldn't heat properly on the other pans
>preheat the shit out of it
>oil into pan, nice and hot
>fire, nice and burning the pan

Ended up having to strip the seasoning off and re-season it.

[Anonymous No.11614009]

>>11612322

[Anonymous No.11614048]

>>11604201
>is that safe?
no, it's not. you might be fine if you don't have any immune system issues but you might also just give yourself awful food poisoning. not really worth the risk unless you're literally starving.

[Anonymous No.11614707]

>>11610777
it might have just been the blackbeans releasing gas, though usually you only get a smell if you keep them in a closed container and the gas builds up, and then you get a big wiff of it when you open it. It's either that or the ground beef was bad and you didn't notice before throwing it in.

[Anonymous No.11614753]

>>11600812
>be me check out 4channel/ck/

[Anonymous No.11614846]

>>11600812
coming to /ck/

[Anonymous No.11615937]

>>11600869
Wow.

[Anonymous No.11615947]

>make burger on cast iron
>leave patty on cast iron
>remember I need to get shit out of my car
>takes a while
>come back to Camp Fire

[Anonymous No.11615988]

>>11601055
PERsonally i like poaching scotch eggs more than soft-boiling them

[Anonymous No.11616239]

First time cooking, really. I was following a recipe for chicken katsu, and it used inches, and I didn't know how to eyeball inches (muh metric), so I put in too much oil and when I put the chicken in I burned my entire hand. Posted a picture of it on here a while back, but can't be bothered to look for it.

[Anonymous No.11616243]

>>11612913
Some do. That's hardly the ultimate "should I eat it or leave it be" test, though. I'd eat a person, if it tasted good.

[Anonymous No.11616285]

>have a bunch of leftover vegetables and pork stock
>also it's cold as balls
>soup it is
>like noodles or pasta in soup but don't have any in pantry and don't feel like going to the store
>only have old ass rice sheet for spring rolls
>dude same thing lmao
>break them up and put them in
>disgusting aftertaste and terrible texture
>soup ruined

[Anonymous No.11616424]

>>11605087

I make octopus all the time using halved lemons, whatd exactly did you do?

[Anonymous No.11616539]

>be 12ish just starting to get into cooking
>hear something about omelettes being the "garbage can" for your refrigerator and you can basically put anything in them from alton brown or some other crock
>decide to make a fruit omelette
>put blueberries and strawberries in it
>the whole thing turns green
>tried to eat it
>fucking disgusting
>mom just laughs at me
no doubt my greatest culinary failure

[Anonymous No.11617851]

>tried to make fruity glaze
>forgot to wet the sides of the pot first
>ended up coating the inside of the pot with hard candy
>impossible to remove, pot ruined

[Anonymous No.11618035]

>>11617851

>fill pot with water
>boil

Did you honestly struggle with this?

[Anonymous No.11618176]

Blue cheese, onions and reds hotsauce over breakfast potatoes

Tasted like literal vomit. Onions and blue cheese does not mix

[Anonymous No.11618319]

>>11611902
Sounds dumb my guy. The pit is hard and slippery and perfectly round this is how people cut themselves.

[Anonymous No.11618341]

>>11618319
nah you just tap it with the body of the knife there's literally no way to get hurt
retards trying to dig it out with the tip of the knife get hurt

[Anonymous No.11618784]

>>11612913
>t. Soulless Chink

[Anonymous No.11618806]

>>11618319
My dick will be hard and slippery in your pit if you don't fucking stop being purposefully ignorant.

[Anonymous No.11618810]

>>11618319
if you actually mess up that move you must have cerebral palsy

[Anonymous No.11620276]

>>11601077
How

[Anonymous No.11620307]

>>11605594
You faggot, the danger zone for any food is 41-141°f
Pork needs to cook to like 145

[Anonymous No.11621809]

>>11605594
i was dumb enough to think that you are talking about celsius degrees. why are americans such a weirdos

[Anonymous No.11621882]

>>11621809
sorry for using a scale that makes more sense for temperatures that you actually experience on a daily basis

[Anonymous No.11622019]

>>11608502
you're welcome

[Anonymous No.11622199]

>>11612707
>definitely no bodily harms
yeah just stomach cancer, no biggie

[Anonymous No.11622486]

>>11607133
>>11608502
>>11622019
How fucking hard is it to roll the knife into the avocado? Cutting an avocado is one of the easiest things you can cut

[Anonymous No.11622579]

>>11605538
Thanks for that, im gonna give it a watch

[Anonymous No.11622624]

>>11612214
Lmao, fishfucker

[Anonymous No.11622626]

>>11621882
>a fucking scale that took as scaling points the "temperature of a solution ofbrinemade from equal parts of ice, water and salt" at 0 degrees and average temperature of a human body which isnt even at 100 degrees
>makes more sense for temperatures that you experience on a daily basis

ok ameritard

[Anonymous No.11622835]

I work at a bar, and I took home a bunch of lemon and lime juice that was going to be thrown away at the end of the night. I thought, oh, this will make a great base for a marinade. I didn't water it down at all, and let it marinade with some spices for like a day.

After i cooked it, ALL i could taste was lemon juice. It was so absolutely pungent, even my dog wouldn't touch it.

[Anonymous No.11623180]

>>11612214
LMAO
Make your dad watch that 2018 oscar winner with you

[Anonymous No.11623189]

>>11612322
subhuman

[Anonymous No.11623200]

Sukiyaki with none of the ingredients but the steak. Somehow turned into rice soup with beef.

[Anonymous No.11623304]

>>11607072
Fire alarms go off all the time in my dorm. Nobody gets fined here you cuck.

[Anonymous No.11623323]

>>11622486
White people. They don't eat avacado like Hispanics or other ethnicities. So they don't know where the seed is and think it cuts like an orange or pear. They probably were wondering why the center wouldn't cut all the way through and stabbed themselves when it did.