/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.11576663]

Stealing grocery thread, please? I’m drunk and want to get some crab legs from Costco. I don’t have a card. Here is my method.
>walk in through exit
>say I want to buy a hot dog
>buy hot dog
>onions and mustard of coarse
>walk around store with hotdog to look inconspicuous
>go to seafood section
>pick up king crab legs, slip them down jacket
>walk out
How can this plan fail? Literally, how? I will post results of thread is stilll alive. Too easy. Too easy.

[Anonymous No.11576703]

>>11576663
double digit IQ confirmed

[Anonymous No.11576995]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPgsOMjEJ4o

[Anonymous No.11577008]

>>11576663
>of coarse
You're English is fucking coarse.

[OP No.11577032]

>>11577008
Let me shove a coarse piece of gravel up your urethra if you think you're so smart and wise. Fuck off and die; your smart-ass attitude makes me fucking sick.

[Anonymous No.11577040]

>>11577032
>being this buttblasted over having a nigger tier grasp of the English language
jej.

[Anonymous No.11577047]

>>11576663
The hot dog will be the perfect distraction. I would suggest that you steal lobster tails instead. They have those nice, HUGE Caribbean lobster tails that are like $90 for 4-5 of them. All in all it sounds like a well thought out plan, OP. What could go wrong?

[Anonymous No.11577049]

>>11576663
Every Costco I've been to serves them behind a glass counter and one near me you need to purchase them right there.

[Anonymous No.11577054]

>>11576663
They have mandatory penis inspections at the exit too, you're gonna have to do better than that

[Anonymous No.11577055]

>>11576663
Why not steal the hot dog and save even more money?

[Anonymous No.11577082]

Every grocery store in the first World has surveillance cameras and loss prevention monitoring them. You'll get an LP officer approaching you in the foyer and asking you to come back inside. And if you don't then they record your license plate and the police get an arrest warrant for your dumb ass. So enjoy your criminal charges.

[OP No.11577095]

>>11577040
mad lol

[Anonymous No.11577116]

>>11576663
Actual grocery thief here. Costco has a fair amount of undercover LP working. Its harder when you're by yourself, and I hate to say it but race certainly plays a factor. If you're a white couple or something like that they won't even look at you but a black guy wearing a hoodie is a huge target. Honestly I wouldn't try Costco if you're not experienced.

Go to a Sprouts in an affluent area, very unlikely to have any LP. Carry a canvas tote bag and dress like a Hipster. Get your crab legs, put em in the tote bag, casually look around some more then walk out.

[Anonymous No.11577150]

>>11577116
Also don't forget to grab a gun while on a shoplifting run. If you get caught shoot the employees and then yourself. It never fails.

[Anonymous No.11577465]

OP, are you by chance of a dark-skinned persuasion?

[OP No.11577944]

>>11577465
Shut up faggot

[Anonymous No.11577956]

>>11576663
Literally just walk out and look like you know what you are doing, wouldn't try it in costco though. Just go during a busy hour like 4-530PM, go out a side exit keep walking, don't stop.

[Anonymous No.11577974]

>>11576663
>of coarse
course
dumb retard faggot bitch idiot

[OP No.11577993]

>>11577974
I hope you swallow a bucket of coarse gravel and suffocate you fucking smartass.

[Anonymous No.11578079]

>>11576995
Holy fucking lmao

[Anonymous No.11578091]

>>11576663
Just use the money for the crab instead of the hot dog

[Anonymous No.11578180]

>>11576663
Nigger detected

[Anonymous No.11578182]

>>11577008
>you’re
Faggot you had one goal

[Anonymous No.11578196]

>>11577465
>Half of US adults have an immediate family member who has been in jail or prison, a report released Thursday said.

>b-but the 13% black population, 37% less than 50%, commits all the crimes, ok?
Damn, too simple to pick off the alt-right, like taking pot shots at birds on a feeder, lol!

https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2018/12/06/politics/fwd-report-family-incarceration/index.html

[OP No.11578203]

>>11578196
get the fuck back to /pol/ you fucking idiot

[Anonymous No.11578219]

>>11577993
>be wrong
>get called out
>wile out at everybody else
dumbfuck

[OP No.11578239]

>>11578219
Why don't you use that autistic virgin energy of yours on finding a real job instead of using it to annoy people who are trying to have fun online?

You think youre smart but you were the biggest fucking idiot in this thread. Fuck off and die bro

[Anonymous No.11578307]

>>11577082
Shut up anglo cuck

[Anonymous No.11578373]

Funny how premium paper packed meats from the butcher counter are easier to steal than the cheaper styro/film packaged meats on display. First I fill a basket with a couple things I plan to purchase legitimately, then walk up to the counter and ask for ribeyes packed individually. Slide one in each pocket casually and I'm good to go. It's way less conspicuous when you actually buy stuff instead of doing the brisk walk of guilt straight to the exit. One could grab a little something extra every time they shop with close to zero chance of being caught this way. Hopefully I get hired soon and won't have to keep "subsidizing" my grocery expenses.

[Anonymous No.11578392]

>>11576995
haha the little guy on the left at 1:30 is having a fucking blast.

[Anonymous No.11578411]

>>11578196
Lots of reasons people go to jail that have nothing to do with theft or dishonesty - dui being a big one. Domestic disputes now almost always land somebody in jail. My one incarcerated immediate family member spent a night in jail as a result of a political protest. So this report is a joke if it is attempting to refute the idea that certain American subcultures are responsible for a disproportionate amount of crime with victims.

[Anonymous No.11578506]

>>11578411
>damagecontrol.jpg
You fag fucks are hilarious.

[Anonymous No.11578536]

>>11576663
I hope you went to the local Kinoplex afterwards to see Aquaman.

[Anonymous No.11578582]

>pocket something
>buy something else
>walk out with thing in your pocket
it's that easy

[Anonymous No.11578584]

Well Bob, looks like we found us one of them culinary negros.

[Anonymous No.11578612]

am i a retard? why wouldn’t you just go to walmart or some place with self check out and walk away

[OP No.11578650]

Guys, I have a new idea.

I'm going to steal some vaseline so there is less friction when my boyfriend shoves his hand up my butthole, should i grab some adult diapers too for the leakage?

[Anonymous No.11578667]

when I was in high school I used to steal huge packs of candy bars from Sams club and sell them at school as a "fundraider"
go for it, OP.

[Anonymous No.11578685]

>>11578196
>look at this cnn link, totally trustworthy!
>blacks arent violent ok??
what a fucking faggot.

[Anonymous No.11578702]

ITT: Niggers

[Anonymous No.11579065]

>>11578702
Agreed

[Anonymous No.11579076]

>>11576663
>walk around store with hotdog to look inconspicuous
yeah the only problem is no one eats a hot dog while they're shopping

[Anonymous No.11579097]

>>11576663
Hotdog stand outside, can buy hotdog without id because don't need id to reach stand. Failed step 1.

[Anonymous No.11579280]

>>11576663
>buy hot dog
>walk around store with hotdog to look inconspicuous

That would require you to go the wrong way through checkout. You'd be stopped even if you could wade through the human tide of shoppers in line.

[Anonymous No.11579309]

>>11576663
This isn't a very smart plan Jameis.

[Anonymous No.11579341]

Do Americans really do this?

[Anonymous No.11579355]

>>11579341
African Americans, yes.

[Anonymous No.11579368]

>>11576663
Petty crime is wack nigga