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there must always be a webm thread
>>11192929My cat jumped on my lap as soon as I opened this.Dick.
>>11192929how's 7th grade going? oh and by the way, enjoy your ban
>>11192929Man. I remember being spooked by this shit like 7 years agoWhere have the times gone...Why am I so numb now...Maybe it's just cause Im taking such a nice poop
just give me the egg webm please
>>11193510>Shaving your shitty facial hair extra low to hide your double chin.
>>11193500how the fuck did he even manage thisthat actually looks like a non-newtonian fluid
>>11193524at your service mister sir
>>11193635>that actually looks like a non-newtonian fluidThat's because it is.Do you even into science?Retard.
>>11193640>filenamegood job anon
>>11192933What was delete
>>11193644i can't begin to fathom the amount of insecurity and stupidity that would lead someone to make a post like thissort your life out
>>11193796dumb epilepsy screamer video
>>11193873this isn't gif retard they have to be food related
>>11193879But the file name is clearly food related
>>11193873What happened here?
>>11193873Why is chinky eyes kick lady?
>>11193911so I said fuck off and he just kicked me like an asshole and ran away
>>11193911old roastie gets btfo by asian chad
>>11192924i feel bad for asian dudes who have to see this fat manlet smeared across tv ads all the time, it's fucking propaganda
>>11193896>curly dollar-store instant noodlesEvery single time.Why even bother making "the real thing" if it's just going to taste like garbage anyway?
>>11193933And of course the jew steals things from you. Overall a sad commercial
>>11193933i never noticed him before but now he's like in every one in three commercials
>>11193640how the fuck
I can't wait for winter to have a nice hot coffee on a cold morning.
>>11193640How does he get out
>>11194268They have to eat all the eggs.
>>11193640He break egg?
>>11193803deletthis is a work sfae board pervit
>>11194243>drizzle of cum at 1:20secret ingredients amirite
>>11194231are theyre pipes under the sand?
>>11194578He's made it a bit thick, but he just needs to get his hand in there.
>>11193500imagine chef john doing this using his freakishly small wooden spoon and it snapping in half
>>11193640one motherfucker did this at the egg sandwich stand in town. he tried to get out and rippen through the eggs in front of him. i guess it flung him a black away he landed in the designated shitting street.they still use the same stand but all the eggs are broken
many years earlier
>>11194956>pull cart out>push back in>profitwhy do people not do this
>>11194967Need a key to release the collected trolleys, only airport staff have said key
>>11194969>apply for job at airport>pull cart out>push back in>profitwhy do people not do this
>>11194592...yes primitive. Liquid heating and bubbling over is maaaagic
>>11194973The security people notice him doing it and remove the mechanism so he can't make money anymore. Presumably they'd notice an employee fucking with the cart machine instead of doing their job.
>>11193873>dude kicks an old lady in the vagina>tough guys reaction is to slowly saunter towards him like hes not even trying to catch him
>>11194974But where does the coffee come from?
>>11193640Is he actually part of the egg stand like cyberpunk style, or can he somehow leave at the end of the day and if so how does he accomplish the leaving?
>>11193873BTFO, bitch has probably done a bunch of awful entitled shit in her life like cut people off in traffic, probably gave her son a few mental issues, cheated on a husband, backstabbed some girl at work who deserved a promotion only to get it herself. This old bitch got exactly what she deserved and she knows it
>>11193797>eggs shirtthis dude is a pro, he respects the egg
>>11194978That's my favourite part
>>11194935>only take pics when granny is on fire
>>11194956This seems like a comfy film
>>11195290It's really good
>>11193803Is...is he eating raw chorizo?
>>11193510It's kinda sad watching him now since the second stroke. His version of keto isn't exactly keto too and no doubt he'll go back to his old ways and die
>>11194980Its just boiling over in the pot thing so it looks like there's more of it.
>>11193640ONE NOTHING HOW WITH ME
>>11194995that is one of the most beautiful women i have ever seen
>>11195291It's the story of Snowden.
>>11194691Cool story, bro. Tell it again.
>>11194967You have to pay more than 25 cents to rent the cart. Once you deposit the money, it will release one cart.
>>11193510B I G IGB O YOYB I T EITE
>>11195020He isn't even cooking that shit. They call him in just to crack the eggs. He's a professional.
>>11194980the coffee is in the containers, you're seeing them bubble over and the foam being poured out. not all of ti is poured out so the next time he heats it more of it foams.
>>11195768What is the point?
>>11195768>>11195424>>11194974lurk more before you post please
>>11194980It works exactly like a Moka pot, how is this confusing? Are you American and have only made instant coffee?
>>11193640Eggy breaky not how out getty?
>>11196151>comedyShe's paralyzed. Still laughing?
>>11194977>>11194973>>11194967>>11194969Having you fucking people never been in public before? You put a quarter in to get the cart, you get your quarter back when you return the cart. It's a deposit. He is taking advantage of lazy people by returning the carts for them and keeping their quarter.I know 4chan is stereotyped by NEETs but jesus fuck
>>11196247she would be great in porn
guys how does the coffee get out without breaking the
>>11194243Is this a common technique in Chinese restaurants? I got pork and broccoli from a local restaurant and it was too greasy with no sear marks, so I'm guessing they did it like this. Just deep frying the vegetables so they get greasy, and adding liquids to the pan so it doesn't sear. I can even make fried rice better at home because everything gets seared for more flavor and it's not so greasy. I kind of feel like a lot of the Chinese restaurants in my area have gone downhill lately.
>>11196247My family calls them "hostage carts" as a joke
>>11196348The water mark on the top left says "uploaded by Khoan Vong". That's a jungle asian name, not a Chinese name. I think these are viets
>>11194991I'm sorry about your issues with your mother anon, i hope you can resolve them some day
>>11196247That's not done everywhere. I've only seen it once at Aldi, but most places still don't do it here.
>>11196387He's in an airport. None of you watched the Snowden documentary Tom Hanks did?
>>11195827>>11194957>>11194950>>11194937>>11194935>>11194920>>11194913>>11193873>>11193803is this a food related rekt webm thread
>>11196436>>11196440>>11196446>>11196450Not food or cooking.
>>11193640I still don't understand how he gets out. Is breaking them all necessary?
>>11196472He can't without breaking the eggs. He's gotta cook them all bro.
>>11196436>>11196485Maybe instead of spamming barely related shitty webms you saved off of gif 5 months ago you could use that time to make some new ones that are actually good and on topic. And also kill yourself while you're at it.
>>11196494Yeah, she definitely has a drinking problem.
>>11196485I want an Asian wife so bad
>>11196500actually i saved them from this boardi do make ocim responsible for also all the jack webms
>>11193510What gets me is his soulless eyes...
>>11196514I don't give a shit. There's nothing food related about this garbage, now kill yourself.
>>11196521did they not know to drink milk?
>>11196358I don't think every Chinese restaurant is actually being run by Chinese people
>>11196529they know enough to expose their mid rifts for views I'll give them that
>>11193640Exit egg how
>>11196514deserved itstupid bitch
>>11195933O B S E S S E D
>>11195267That lady just ate her weight in pasta...
>>11193803Joey that is not safe to eat raw
>>11193524Fuck off, you piece of shit. You're the reason that fucktard keeps on posting that instead of making OC.
>>11195506ye olde brit girls were the best
>>11193797>0:29>slip up>candidate for egg king Nope.
>>11193640There he is. There he goes again. Look, everyone! He posted it once again! Isn't he just the funniest guy around?! Oh my God.I can almost see your pathetic overweight frame glowing in the dark, lit by your computer screen which is the only source of light in your room, giggling like a like girl as you once again type your little Egg Fort thread up and fill in the captcha. Or maybe you don't even fill in the captcha. Maybe you're such a disgusting NEET that you actually paid for a 4chan pass, so you just choose the webm. Oh, and we all know the picture. The "epic" Surly King guy, isn't it? I imagine you little shit laughing so hard as you click it that you drop your greasy egg sandwich on the floor, but it's ok, your mother will clean it up in the morning. Oh, that's right. Did I fail to mention? You live with your mother. You are a fat fucking fuckup, she's probably so sick of you already. So sick of having to do everything for you all goddamn day, every day, for a grown man who spends all his time on 4chan posting about eggs. Just imagine this. She had you, and then she thought you were gonna be a scientist or an astronaut or something grand, and then you became a NEET. A pathetic Eggfag NEET. She probably cries herself to sleep everyday thinking about how bad it is and how she wishes she could just disappear. She can't even try to talk with you because all you say is "HOW DOES HE GET OUT WITHOUT BREAKING THE EGGS?" You've become a parody of your own self. And that's all you are. A sad little man laughing in the dark by himself as he prepares to indulge in the same old dance that he's done a million times now. And that's all you'll ever be.Forever...
>>11197260>haha I ate the mayoI never understood this vid
>>11196440Not food related but this is one of the most retarded pranks anyone could do to anybody. In the absolute worst case that can be lethal.
>>11193934Stop using deepfried alkaline noodles you tool.
>>11197547What?I was criticizing the use of shitty instant noodles, what the fuck did you think the post meant?
>>11194920>>11194913How did these creatures outlive dinosaurs?
>>11196348Apparently, yeah.>Velveting meat—the practice of marinating slices of meat in egg white, wine, and cornstarch—is a Chinese cooking technique that we've covered here on Serious Eats before.>Typically, after the meat is marinated, it is quickly blanched in a bath of hot oil and then drained, at which point it's ready to be stir-fried.>https://www.seriouseats.com/2014/07/chinese-velveting-101-introduction-water-velveting.html
>>11196524You are literally the only one who is upset by this.
>>11196514So you make garbage.
>>11197630yupmade this one just for you
>>11197646Thanks, it's terrible. I wonder if he's ever going to be able to cut things again, or if it'll just be macro shots of his wife's hands from now on.
>>11197646wait aren't these bulletproof?
>>11196763they forgot to shit on the table.
>>11194913He looks at him like "Jason what the fuck?"
>>11194231these are turkish, worse than jews.
heres a more pg version of that crocodile webm
>>11197870what a fucking badass
>>11195822how he do dat
>>11197659>hey guys Jack Scalfani here>i heard from this guy called seekay that the vitamix is bullet proof>i'm gonna be testing that>this package just arrived from 1911>*opens package and immediately looses instructions*>i wasn't gonna read them anyways>theres some assembly required>*fade transition effect*>it took me three hours but i finally assembled it>so apparently these take .45 ammo>i have never heard of those and i searched everywhere they did not have them>so i'm gonna substitute with some 44 magnum>there a little loose>*bullet falls out barrel and jack is shocked; clip of it is posted in every /ck/ webm thread*>ok got this bullet to fit>lets shoot this blender>*pulls trigger and nothing happens because he fucked up when assembling the gun*>*another fade transition*>i built it right this time>*points at blender and fires*>*misses blende completely cause loose fit and hits tammy*>*blowback from massive pressure build up destroys the gun and takes his right hand off*>*his ring hand is fine and unharmed*>this was a terrible product i would not recommend it>*dislike to like ratio is 3:1 and comments are not allowed*
>>11197959not food related
>>11194598love that channel, best authentic chinese recipes on the web right there
>>11193500aah the olde quicksand battered chicken pieces
>>11195093Why ruin a good dish with peanut butter?
>>11197974Yeah, the recipes are great. I could do without the Babish ASMR narrator breathing down my neck though.
>a typical afternoon in america
>>11198024all is good in the McNation
>>11197599They're more versatile predators and require less energy
>>11198018yeah and the constant 'heat up the pan to a searing heat' he says EVERY SINGLE video
>>11193640this shit is worse than sneed
>>11198069Lol wakanda irl
>>11198069Just use a flat Rock nigga wtf how is cooking in the dirt real haha
>>11196363>tfw no a v e r a g e korean girlfriend.
>>11198024>>11197959are the mods asleep?
>>11198219Nah, they just don't give a fuck about this board.
>>11198027>monkey narrowly avoids being turned into sopa de macaco riskily by faking his death.(2017 webmized)
>>11198228how would i go about becoming a mod for this boardi spend most of my day on this board might as well get paid for it
>>11196247>Avocaderia goes through about 200 organic avacados from Mexico each day.So they are literally supporting the cartel directly every day.>set up trendy restaurant >end up aiding mass murder and crimeThat's a big ol LOL from me dawg
>>11197599Their ancestors probably slept through the apocalypse like the lazy shits they are after gorging on some fat dino.
>>11198219Fuck off back to rebbit nigger
>>11198274your dumb dude
>no new webms in the last 4 hours>only 9 jack webmslet fix both
>>11197620I can understand it for that, but doing the bath of hot oil with fresh vegetables just seems like a shortcut that lowers the quality of the final product by making it way too greasy
>>11198747Yeah, I agree. It works with some vegetables, but not button mushrooms. I guess some customers want it to be a grease bomb.
>>11196514>cock jerseynot surprised on bit at this outcome
>>11195404Does he still do anything?
>>11197815Hello Armenian whore.
>>11197650What happen here?
>>11194935God I wish that were me.
>>11198866I would eat out with this guy. Seems to know the good stuff on the menu.
>>11197530His son finds it disgusting.It's just a very bad style of dad joke.
>>11196247Her mannerisms make me angry
>>11197626Still doesn't change the fact it doesn't belong here.
>>11195127Guess the volcano is a Boomer too
>>11197248plastic in the ocean.hear about it. Never actually seen a picture of it.Shit's fake, desu.
>>11199115The volcano god knows what is good
>>11199127They just don't make canned goods like they used toI remember being hype as fuck to open a can of chicken noodle soup or ravioli now it's just shit
>>11196432how do people live with this indignityI would literally beg for death on the spot if I was so fat that I had to be driven up a tiny grass verge on a golf cart, let alone if I fell off the back and had to be helped up like a flipped turtle
>>11195013>>11195016What show is this
>>11199173Most recent season of Orange Is The New Black
>>11196490>christened by egg, the surly king was born from the yolk
>>11198069>animal planetchecks out.
>>11192924he looks like pic related tho
>>11195127>*siiiip*>yep, vesuvius 79 A.D.>now that was an eruption
>>11199414gay forced memefuck off loser
>>11199446>butter>sour cream>VEGETARIAN PARMESANfucking why
>>11193644>Do you even intoyou ok, bud?
>>11199593You have to go back
>>11195078this seems inefficient
>>11199654 you're talking about a species that chases their own tails
>>11194231mmm burnt coffee
>>11199663>implying half the faggots here wouldn't suck their own dicks if they could
>>11199673I don't see what that has to do with anything
>>11195267Does she make scat vids after this?
>>11198866I get dabbing the grease off, but a knife and fork? Not eating the crust? The fuck?
>>11199127Probably still cold in the middle
>>11196247I think I understand hatefucking now thanks dude
>>11199727We can only wish.
>>11195291the terminalpretty comfy
>>11198267>I spend most of my day shitting and playing xbox
>>11199465the ingredient in some parmesans and some cheeses uses rennet which can only be extracted from a slaughtered calf
>>11198353Not him, but how is he wrong? Avocados in 'murika come from drug cartels.
>>11197646oh my god add some water you dumb cunts
>>11196490so this is what happens to trafficked children
>>11196247Is there a cilantro gene for avocado? Either way, I despise that play doh mush bullshit. Not even doctored up to be guac. It's still just gross mush with shit in it.
>>11198883Chinese rice krispies. No snap or krackle, just pop
>>11196490>hahahah>why are you fucking crying?!> we can never have any fun with you
>>11196450As a yuropoor that was likely his life savings spent on beer. Fucking shame his moment of joy got spoiled.
>>11200031it’s fucking called “guacamole”, not “guac”. say “guac” one for time, fucking millennial scum
>>11200058Is "guakky" acceptable?
>>11200058Get with the times, zoomer.https://www.today.com/food/hangry-guac-zoodles-more-food-words-added-dictionary-t136976
>>11200058I'm going to call it guac exclusively from now on just because I know it will make autists like you upset
>>11195267Imagine the size of her turds
>>11198024This ghetto queen met a "successful" pile of trash at its breaking point, and a loser ready to lose its job, all at one time. It didn't end up in free food the way she expected.
>>11199446isn't that just a fucking pierogi?
>>11199670>coffee is roasted at 180-200C>100C will burn the coffeelittle brain over here lads
>>11200821It's the soccer mom version, yeah.
>>11195127The fact that I can never play with lava like silly putty saddens me greatly
>>11201027just drag a net through it for fucks sake
>>11201027>Caribbean>niggers litterColor me shocked. >>11201043>just drag a net through it for fucks sakeWhy would we do that, when we can jump into the middle of it and take instagram selfies?
>>11201043Exactly. I don't know why Bill Gates isn't cleaning up the ocean. Instead he's worried about mosquitoes in Africa.
>>11201043And then it's in a net in the ocean. Brilliant.
>>11201068My bad I forgot when people fish with nets they just leave the fish in the net in the water
>>11201071>My bad I forgotDon't let it happen again.
>>11201027It's cheaper to make new plastic than it is to recycle it. They should just build an island out of bottles.
>>11201027Why would you jump in that shit
>>11201071Fish are eaten. Are you going to eat plastic bottles and random garbage?
>>11201196Fine, we melt the plastic together and make the worlds largest paddle board
>>11198069Dont care how they cook their eggs, I'll take Khoisan over Bantu any day.
>>11196462wat has happen here?
>>11201282My guess is she was pouring alcohol and spilled some of it on a table you cook in the center of which caused it to ignite.
>>11194941Generally speaking they aged well
>>11201027If you incinerate it, it's gone forever. The heat can be used to generate electricity.
>>11194950That could have ended badly.
>>11198024Fantastic ass and cute tits, though.
>>11201421>burning plastic to help the environment
>>11201027Nigga, why in the god damn hell would you fucking jump into that shit? What a fucking idiot. I hope something scraped that idiot off some AIDS and punctured their gear.
>>11201471just send the fumes deep underground or into space
>>11201503Where the fumes turn into stars
>>11198024This looks like a DnD campaign
>>11198725>>11198748>>11198723why does everything he touch turn to shit?
>>11201564He's like the opposite of King Midas
>>11196254If she can pretend that tastes good she can fake anything
>>11197798"Jason, I can't believe you've done this."
>>11195013>>11195016I can't be the only one who thinks the fat dude looks exactly like Chris-chan, right?
>>11193797Youre on 4chan telling someone to sort out their life. Yikes.
>>11201564Because he doesn't plan, prepare beforehand or practice. He just goes and does shit and then pretends its good when it turns out. His empty life is only made whole when he receives the fawning adoration of fellow swine-like flyover shitstains.
>>11199414fuck off where to where you came from
>>11199173a show for fags
>>11193500This has got to be an achievement in culinary arts.
>>11198838>nuggersreddit, im sorry but u have to go back
>>11198866this is the gayest thing on earth
>>11201564Despite what people will say here that guy is likely legally retarded.If i had to make an assumption I would say his iq is around 75.
>>11201027It's all habitat. I bet there's some stud mahi under there.
>>11193640>>11193797NO MORE EGGS REEEEE
>>11198866>puts knife in mouth
>>11199449>>11201757I come from a dystopian place :(
>>11201027what a big fucking none-issue, this would literally take half an hour to clean up
>>11202608And do what with it, someone has to take that shit somewhere and be responsible for it
>>11201383memes often do
post the rarest jack you have right now
>>11202615$ell it to chinks to incinerate for fuel its almost as if you live in some kind of inconvenient fantasy world
>>11202653>clean that shit out of the ocean>pump that shit right into the air insteadgenious
>>11202802>DING DONG>CHING CHONG>PING PONG JEANOS
>>11196363koreans(?) are so weird and cute. it's like watching children discover something for the first time :3
>>11200203>ck is niggers
>>11196500based and webpilled
>>11198024for me it's the mctitty
>>11202653They're not taking recycling any more.
>>11198723i don't even find his shenanigans funny anymore. his incompetence is annoying and his lack of self awareness makes me want to slash his throat.
>>11201359it's way better with sound
>>11202802U so jeenus anunddduuurrrr
>>11195685Neither of the Snowdens, you dumb bigger. It's The Terminal.
>>11196247Women were a fucking mistake.