Cooking Chili for Girlfriend

[Anonymous No.11171270]

Hey everyone,

So my girlfriend and I have been dating for a little bit, and I accidentally talked a big game about how well I can cook.

Long story short, I'm having to make her my "famous" chili, except I've no idea how beyond a few recipes.

Can you tell me if chili is meant to have beans or not?

[Anonymous No.11171277]

>>11171270
Depends on what part of the US you're in. It's a massive bullshitfest. But either is fine in its own way.

[Anonymous No.11171284]

>>11171270
Who gives a fuck everyone likes free food she won't care if it has beans or not, and if it's a well made chili nobody else will either.

[Anonymous No.11171323]

>>11171277
>>11171284
Thanks fellas. She's a special girl, so I think I'll put one bean in there as the special mystery bean or something. If she never finds it, then it was without beans. If she does find it, then it's with beans. Everyone's a winner.

[Anonymous No.11171331]

>>11171270
jack off into it

[Anonymous No.11171341]

>>11171323
Dude, traditional chilly has red kidney beans as far as im knowledgeable. Get a can of them, clean them under water to remove the slime and then add them to the chilly.

[Anonymous No.11171375]

Hey OP I actually won over my gf by presenting my chilli to her for dinner one night.

The key to chilli I find is using your anal cavity to massage your beans. So grab yourself some sausage casings and fill with your beans. Insert the bean sausage up into your rectum and go about your day. Keep them up there for 12-24 hours.

Do not shit! Let the heat from your turd sit behind the bean sausage and gently create a low rising heat. Your conol will massage the beans whilst the shit creates a low and slow heat that breaks the fiber in the beans down just enough that when you add them to hot chilli they will hold their form but be so beautifully tender.

The sausage casing will take on some of the subtly sweet smoky flavor. This will also transfer to the beans without the smell!

[Anonymous No.11171386]

>>11171270
put some beans in

[Anonymous No.11171391]

[Anonymous No.11171394]

>>11171270
>>11171375
Since we're on the subject of girlfriends and shit. A word of advice: Do not serve giga alarm chili before splitting a bottle of tequila and having anal sex. Ended up having to rent two rug doctors because the first one was all fucked up. Also, I add beans.

[Anonymous No.11171433]

>>11171270
>mummi.....mummi come look. See...I posted it again!

[Anonymous No.11171529]

if you give her chili with beans she will break up with you don't do it

[Anonymous No.11171546]

>>11171270
Remember, bragging is one of the ingredients.

[Anonymous No.11171796]

>>11171270
Chili does not have beans. Women do not want to date faggot, listen to this guy >>11171529

[Anonymous No.11171839]

You make a girl salad if you want to fuck her in the ass later, not chili.

[Anonymous No.11171845]

>>11171341
>chilly
>kidney beans are traditional
this is bait

[Anonymous No.11171861]

NO BEANS ALLOWED NIGGER

[Anonymous No.11171869]

>>11171861
>>11171845
>>11171796
>>11171529
Do you guys actually eat "chili" with only ground meat and spices devoid of any significant nutritional variation and complexity in flavor? Chili has to have red beans unless you like vomitting out of your asshole and getting acid reflux

[Anonymous No.11171871]

>>11171869
fritos and cheese bring it all together

[Anonymous No.11171885]

>>11171869
do you eat curry, anon?
curries consist of chunks of meat in a gravy made of blended onions, peppers, tomatoes, oil, and spices
similarly, texas chili consists of chunks of meat in a gravy made of blended onions, peppers, tomatoes, oil, and spices. the proportions are a little different, but it's basically the same concept

[Anonymous No.11171888]

>>11171869
>beans
>complexity in flavor
Beans were only added as filler in nuchili bc meat is expensive

[Anonymous No.11171891]

The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl".

He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that chili?"

The other guy says, "No. Help yourself".

He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat. When he gets about half way down, his spoon hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the chili back into the bowl.

The other guy says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got, too".

[Anonymous No.11171917]

>>11171885
It's a hard fact to admit, but chili is a curry.

[Anonymous No.11171929]

>>11171869
>shitton of fresh peppers
>not healthy

[Anonymous No.11171936]

>>11171869
Competition chili is that way, but if you're actually eating it as a meal, everything is ok.

[Anonymous No.11171937]

>>11171270
make it super spicy and call her a pleb for not liking it, guaranteed success with minimal effort.

[Anonymous No.11171940]

>>11171270
Just put 20 habaneros in it. Nothing else matters.

[Anonymous No.11171955]

>>11171869
It's literally called Chili con carne which means Chili peppers with meat. It's not Chili con carne y BEANZZZZZ NIGGA

[Anonymous No.11171970]

Chili is a side.

[Anonymous No.11172010]

>>11171970
>Chili is a side
>a side

[Anonymous No.11172040]

Bitches don't eat chili
Also >>11171331

[Anonymous No.11173284]

>>11171869
>he puts ground meat into his chili con carne

oh no no no no no

[Anonymous No.11173304]

>>11171270
technically both. it doesn't have beans in it but it's meant to be served over beans

[Anonymous No.11173310]

>>11173304
It's meant to be served over rice, and should include beans.

[Anonymous No.11173317]

>>11173310
rice is a nice option, so is served over cubed, fried potatoes

[Anonymous No.11173404]

>>11171341
Yikes

[Anonymous No.11173455]

Yes, but don't go overboard with them. People too often put beans and hamburger in tomato sauce and make a pasty mess they think is chili. 1 drained and rinsed can of beans is enough. If you have enough meats and dry starch to thicken the chili, just skip beans altogether.

[Anonymous No.11175337]

>>11171270
Cumin, garlic, fresh peppers (go light on heat since you're cooking for a grill), and black beans. If you use canned tomatoes you'll need to add a bit of chocolate to take the edge of the acidity. Avoid weird shit like corn and mushrooms unless you know it will go over well.

[Anonymous No.11175349]

>>11171270
beans are filler if you're too poor to afford appropriate amounts of meat and chilies.

same goes for tomatoes, though a bit of tomato paste is fine for flavor.

[Anonymous No.11175370]

Just throw chuck beef, dried chilis and a beer into a pot.

[Anonymous No.11175371]

just make Jack's famous chilie for her. WA LA you'll get laid

[Anonymous No.11175386]

>>11175370
while simplistic, and could definitely benefit from at least a few spices, he's not wrong.

[Anonymous No.11175406]

Women are stupid. Just let her see you chop up meat and veggies to throw into it. She will automatically think it's good because iy's not from a can. If she's culinarily retarded, she won't know if it's a bad chili or not. My gf thinks I'm amazing and I just used canned veggies and chili packet aside from ground beef and a chopped onion.

[Anonymous No.11176468]

Add a can of beer and some dark chocolate. It will lift a mediocre chilli into something that stands out.

[Anonymous No.11176554]

My moms recipe is my favorite. 2-3 cans of kidney beans, 2 tubes of that chorizo that comes in tubes, a dried guajilo pepper, chile powder, 1-2 pounds of ground beef. It's simplistic but really tasty.

[Anonymous No.11176560]

>>11171270
NIGGER PLEASE

>ground + cubed chuck
>+ italian sausage diced
>12oz lager should be included
>tomatoes and some chalklate should be included
>if beans buy them dried and DO NOT SOAK THEM, THEY WILL BE MUSHY AND SHIT, best way to do a chili with beans i promise, they retain their firmness and """crunch"""
>mushrooms are a unique texture to the chili but i personally enjoy them for that reason

[Anonymous No.11176563]

>>11176554
OH SHIT NIGGER I NEVER THOUGHT OF CHORIZO

FUCK OH WOW

[Anonymous No.11176638]

>>11171270
Chili without beans is actually called "faggot soup" and is massively popular wherever shitty people congregate.

[Anonymous No.11177101]

>>11175349
incorrect

[Anonymous No.11177164]

>>11171270
Lots of beans, no meat, served over rice.

Not even memeing, this is how I make chili.

[Anonymous No.11177172]

>>11177164
>cereal
>milk

Not even memeing; this is how I make chili.