What fedoras imagine when they order black coffee

[Anonymous No.10860902]

>*A portly fellow in a flame shirt waddles to the counter of a Starbucks*
>"What would you like sir?"
>*The atheist squints around the coffee bar, his hands at the sides of his khaki shorts like he had two holsters. With one hand he expertly pulls out his wallet and with the other, he brings the tip of his hat down before placing his order*
>"Coffee. Black."
>*A hush falls over the patrons and staff. Women gush in their panties as whispers from men can't believe what's transpiring. The barista looks like he's about to faint, his grip on the cup furiously shaking as he slides it over the counter to our hero. If this order is taking place in the ghetto, several black people go DAAAAAAAAAAAMN*
>*The cheetoh avenger slaps down a sticky five and a quarter with his hamhock fist before mumbling to no one that they should "keep the change", knowing he's a far more euphoric human being than people that put sugar or milk in their coffee*

Don't worry dauntless fans of this sodium-hearted man of action, he'll be back in next weeks tantalizing issue, "I'll Have EVERYTHING With Bacon..."

[Anonymous No.10860914]

>*A portly fellow in a flame shirt waddles to his computer and starts typing up his thesis on coffee drinkers*

Lol cool thread dude

[Anonymous No.10860955]

>>10860902
Still waiting for the I'll have everything with bacon episode

[Anonymous No.10860975]

I’d still rather have OP’s guy in front of me in line than the girl making a “coffee run” for the entire office who orders 12 venti iced coffee mocha java chip milkshakes holding up the line for 20 minutes.

[Anonymous No.10860977]

>>10860955
>He had everything with bacon.
>The End

[Anonymous No.10860979]

That's hilarious. I drink black coffee and I'm a fuckhuge salary man. Here's what normally happens

>Hi can I get a black dark roast coffee?
>"Sure, what size?"
>Biggest you got. I'd also like an espresso on the side.
>"That'll be 4.50"
>Thank you, here is exact change. Have a wonderful day.
>"You too man."

[Anonymous No.10860986]

>>10860902
Hahaha thanks op, good read

[Anonymous No.10860987]

>>10860977
Fair enough

[Anonymous No.10861009]

>>10860979
>heh, I'm so successful in life ONLY cause I drink black coffee
>good thing I'm so successful that I shitpost on /ck/ while sipping my HOT black coffee

[Anonymous No.10861012]

>>10860902
I don't think people like this exist.

Prove me wrong.

[Anonymous No.10861019]

>>10860902
Isn't a large black drip $3 at that chain? Or is he ordering multiple espresso shots?

And don't fedoras hate that chain?
>"reee all their coffee is shitty and burnt because their espresso beans are roasted slightly lighter than literally everyone in France does for maximum crema

I actually go to that chain for some goof coffee if I happen to be there during the twelve days of xmas observed by european catholics when many businesses are closed.

[Anonymous No.10861020]

>>10861009
Salaryman doesn't mean successful? Being caffeinated is the only prerequisite to make money at the job. I just do PowerPoints at work all day and make meaningless speeches.

[Anonymous No.10861028]

>Murrican gets offended when somebody eats seafood
>get offended when they drink water
>get offended when they use chopsticks
>get offended when they order coffee

[Anonymous No.10861030]

>>10861019
>goof coffee
Nailed it

[Anonymous No.10861037]

>>10861030

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pscALD_dgSg

[Anonymous No.10861191]

>>10861012
You exist

[Anonymous No.10861231]

>>10860902
Good read but drinking your coffee black lets you see how good coffee tastes vs bad coffee. Of course you wouldn't really want that shit from starbucks without 1500 cals worth of corn syrup.

[Anonymous No.10861276]

>>10860975
yes much better than a bunch fuckers with 30 mod milkshakes

[Anonymous No.10861333]

>>10861231
Their drip is gud tho

[Anonymous No.10861388]

I kind of get the feeling you're projecting a bit here bro. I drink my coffee black all the time and never really thought It made me better than anyone else. Perhaps you're still insecure after that kid in high school called you a faggot for having a pink frap?

[Anonymous No.10861407]

>>10861276
This will never not make me laugh.
That kid on the right only got a ring binder

[Anonymous No.10861408]

>>10861028
It's just 4chan autism. Nobody who matters gives a shit what kinda mocha frappa whatever the fuck you drink

[Anonymous No.10861412]

>>10861407
I think it's an iPad case.

[Anonymous No.10861422]

>>10861276
I'm not given to violence, but I could drink their marshmallow coffees with no retaliation. They know better.

[Anonymous No.10861453]

>>10861422
Based cocoa drinkers that don't give a fuck.

[Anonymous No.10861503]

>>10861422
>sprinkles
fucking awful and i absolutely believe this person has never had cocoa if they think that's acceptable

[Anonymous No.10861514]

>>10861503
I used to add a scoop of ice cream

[Anonymous No.10861520]

>>10861422
I wouldn't hate the millenials for refusing to be adults so much if they weren't also apparently proud of the fact.

[Anonymous No.10861694]

I drink my """coffee""" like this
>decaf instant coffee
>4 spoons of sugar
>fill half with hot water, stir
>fill the rest with milk
>drink with a straw

[Anonymous No.10861715]

STOP REPLYING TO REPOSTS
FUCK YOU

[Anonymous No.10861755]

Italy has good espresso everywhere for literally 1 euro if you drink it standing up at the bar.

I'm fucking done with coffee in the uk after visiting there.

[Anonymous No.10861762]

>>10860902
>sodium-hearted man of action
wut? I'll be the first to admit my handle on English is not the best, but I don't get it

[Anonymous No.10861769]

>>10861762
The theme you're looking for is 'fat'

[Anonymous No.10861785]

>>10860902

I’m a fedora who doesn’t drink Coffee. Now what OP?

[Anonymous No.10861791]

>>10861769
well sure but what does salt and the heart have to do with it...? salt-hearted? salt in the bloodstream?
eh w/e