/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.10858953]

>ITT: Your roommate horror stories

[Anonymous No.10858954]

You first.

[Anonymous No.10859031]

>>10858954
>be me, at the prime of my life
>decide to move to new city, just like the rest of my yuppie faggot friends
>look on craigslist of listings
>oh, this one looks neat
>call the tenant and schedule a time to check the place out
>talk a bit, get to know each other
>he tells me his former roommate moved out to live with his gf
>the place is nice and in a trendy neighborhood, and the guy seems cool enough
>finally move in
>roommate and I get along well initially
>fast forward a few weeks
>notice some of my food missing from the fridge every now and then
>haha it's no big deal, I'll just tell him to eat his own food
>later that day confront him when he gets home from work
>hey, man, I noticed some of my eggs missing. do you mind just using your own food from here on out, please?
>roommate just looks at me, almost as if he's in disbelief
>I wait for his response but for naught
>well, what do you say, roomie? how about you quit it?
>roommate proceeds to explode, throwing his phone against the wall
>red faced, he confronts me and grabs me by the collar
>i took some of your eggs and you want them back, huh? tell me, anon, what the fuck are you going to do about it?
>ask him to let go, but that only infuriates him more, and he shoves me against the wall
>i panic and take a swing
>knock him out cold
>grab my keys and get the hell out the apartment
>move out later that week

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened had I never confronted him about the eggs. Perhaps we eventually would have had a fallout anyway. The worst part was, I had to move to a less trendy neighborhood. Oh, what could have been.

[Anonymous No.10859041]

>>10859031
>He doesn't wake up tied to a chair staring at 12 dozen boiled eggs
It's like you don't even try

[Anonymous No.10859087]

>>10859031
I guess that makes you the surly king of his egg fort, huh

[Anonymous No.10859311]

>>10859031
tl;dr

[Anonymous No.10859734]

>>10859031
how?

[Anonymous No.10859740]

>>10859031
Wait wait wait. So you're telling me it went from 0 to 100 over one egg question? There's more to this...

Press x for doubt.

[Anonymous No.10859744]

>>10858953
>freshman year of college
>roommate refuses to eat dining hall food
>diet consists exclusively of footlong subs from a place on campus and tyson microwave wings
>eats 3 to 4 subs a day
>gets extra onions on them
>doesn't actually like onions just like the "lingering taste"
>proceeds to take the onions off the sandwich and throws them in the trash can every day
>Room constantly reeks of onions and vinegary microwave wings
>his diet causes him to get gas
>rips ass in his bed all night while sleeping
>sometimes farts himself awake
This guy was quite possibly the dumbest most disgusting person I've ever met. He was the kind of guy who uses "big" words to try and sound smarter but would use them wrong every single time.

[Anonymous No.10859746]

>>10859031
How did you get out without breaking all the eggs?

[Anonymous No.10859852]

>>10859031
Assuming this isn't bullshit what did he say afterwards?

[Anonymous No.10859857]

>>10859744
I hate autistic diets.

[Anonymous No.10859863]

>>10859031
>>look on craigslist of listings
this is where u dun goofed

[Anonymous No.10859872]

>>10859852
It follows the typical outrageous bullshit embellished story format. Tons of lead up and when it comes to the most important part, the confrontation and aftermath, it's always "yeah we got into a fight and I left a few days later". Really? that's it?

[Anonymous No.10859882]

>>10859740
Fuck off cunt, this sort of shit happens all the time

[Anonymous No.10859887]

>>10859744
>sometimes farts himself awake
I wonder how that works.

[Anonymous No.10859891]

>>10859882
Yeah because it's all embellished bullshit that retards like you gulp down and go AWW MAN THAT'S CRAZY.

[Anonymous No.10859898]

>>10859311
Glad you're contributing to this board.

[Anonymous No.10859901]

>24 years old; 6 years ago
>share apartment with pretty cool guy just outside of the city
>guy is working on his PhD in mathematics, very smart, sometimes a little weird but nothing serious
>comes to me one day saying that we need more toilet paper since we're almost out
>ok
>go out get toilet paper and some other groceries for lunch and dinner
>later that day he comes into my room
>"anon, you bought the wrong toilet paper"
>what do you mean, it's toilet paper
>"yeah, but anon, this is toilet paper for dogs. We can't use it"
>allofmyfuckingwhat.exe
>stare at him in utter disbelief for a moment
>what's followed is half an hour trying to convince him that it's toilet paper for us and doesn't make a difference
>almost think that i'm in the wrong here
>have to show him on the company website that it is, indeed, human authorized toilet paper
>warns me on the regular not to buy dog toilet paper whenever I shop for groceries
Pic related. It is what I bought that day.

[Anonymous No.10859911]

>>10859901
Anon, are you fucking retarded? That shit is actually for dogs.

[Anonymous No.10859912]

>>10859887
No shit he had an alarm that would go off around 6am every day. Even though he didn't have class until 10. He would wake up from the album, rip ass, and go back to sleep.

[Anonymous No.10859917]

>>10859901
Is that like cottonelle for canucks?
How autistic was your roommate?

[Anonymous No.10859927]

>>10859901
When someone says something is for dogs they usually mean it is a terrible product not fit for humans. The fact that you didn't consider this means you're either autistic or an author of fiction.

[Anonymous No.10859935]

>>10859911
No it isn't you sack shit. Look at their website... The branding might confuse mongloids like you but it's clear that it's regular toilet paper. Does the Charmin bear confuse you too... Oh geesh that must be toilet paper for Bears!

[Anonymous No.10859938]

>>10859901
Does he think Charmin is for cartoon bears too

[Anonymous No.10859940]

>>10859935
U dum boi

[Anonymous No.10859951]

>>10859935
I don't know what the fuck you're missing here

[Anonymous No.10859966]

>>10859951
It's like Andrex

[Anonymous No.10859997]

>be me
>roommate be bad at roommate
>no clean dish
>eat food no belong
>too much of pussy to talk to roommate like adult :(

[Anonymous No.10860004]

>>10859917
>>10859938
He has a few quirks, and sometimes would drop his spaghetti when my girlfriend was around.
One time I found him in the kitchen making lunch for himself while making goat sounds, he would then proceed to ask me what the name of that animal was, because he seriously couldn't remember. There was also another time where I had to pick him up in the middle of the night from the police station, because they caught him walking on the side of the high way with his grandfather's compass in his hands - trying to find his way back to the apartment.

[Anonymous No.10860005]

>>10859997
Who else would you be?

[Anonymous No.10860011]

i shot my roommate who was a meth addict. he had psychosis. i had to deal with court for like 2 years. i hate this country.

[Anonymous No.10860017]

>>10860011
>using guns
How'd the cowardly path feel?

[Anonymous No.10860022]

>>10860017
he was a nigger. so not bad. i just regret having to deal with the court system. he deserved to die. if i didnt do it someone would have gotten stabbed. he was naked and crazy. i tried talking him down. there was no other way.

[Anonymous No.10860055]

>>10860004
Fun fact, compasses are rendered pretty much useless by strong magnetic fields or large amounts of iron/steel like you find along the side of the road

[Anonymous No.10860151]

>>10860004
Were you literally roomates with Mr Bean?

[Anonymous No.10860169]

>Roommate is a Chinese international student, barely speaks English
>Frequently leaves every surface of the kitchen caked in oil
>Never cleans, probably because her groceries/cookware cover 80% of the counters
>Lets her rice cooker overflow somehow on a weekly basis, never cleans it up
>Leaves rice in her rice cooker on warm setting for up to a week at a time, never changing the rice, eating a couple bites once a day
>Pours used oil down the drain, has clogged the pipes three times and destroyed the garbage disposal once
>Fridge is full of her half-rotten produce, raw ingredients left uncovered, tupperware full of rice so old it has turned completely black, more Coke than any person could reasonably drink

My favorites:
>Buys a giant jug of lemonade
>For some reason stores it on its side despite the fact that it could be comfortably stored upright
>One day, she takes a drink, puts the lid on crooked, and puts the jug away
>I come down later to find the entire kitchen floor soaked in a good half-inch of lemonade
>Fridge is also soaked, all food on the shelf below it either drench in sticky shit or ruined

And:
>Playing vidya upstairs in my closed bedroom
>Smell roommate cooking food, whatever, rooms aren't very airtight
>Starts to smell pretty strongly spicy, that's fine
>Spice smell increases exponentially over the next 10 minutes
>It's like fucking bear mace in the air
>Can't breathe without being sent into a violent coughing fit, throat burns, eyes burn
>I'M UPSTAIRS FROM THE KITCHEN WITH MY DOOR CLOSED
>Have to pack towels under the door and around my face to be able to breathe
>She does this at least twice a month now

[Anonymous No.10860174]

>>10860011

[Anonymous No.10860181]

>>10860169
call ICE ignorant chink deserves prison.

[Anonymous No.10860191]

>>10860055
Fun fact, you are retarded.

[Anonymous No.10860195]

>>10860169
Damn, I find Chinese girls really attractive but I'm not sure if I could deal with that.

[Anonymous No.10860242]

>>10860004
surely you jest
Feynman has a similar situation
he would talk to himself while walking at night and often police would question him

[Anonymous No.10860346]

>>10859911
What the fuck would the difference be anyway? It's still fucking toilet paper.

[Anonymous No.10860357]

>>10860022
you did the right thing, anon.

[Anonymous No.10860710]

>>10860191
Compasses are sensitive magnetic field detectors that align with the Earth's weak innate magnetic field. Are you saying that minor fluctuations in that field (such as those we know are caused by power lines and masses of ferrous metals) couldn't affect them at all?

[Anonymous No.10860740]

>>10860195
You shouldn't

[Anonymous No.10860743]

>>10859951
Does that mean this toilet paper is for black people only?

[Anonymous No.10860807]

>>10860710
1. How compasses work is common knowledge. These are not "fun facts"
2. There is not nearly enough material of any kind gathered on the side of a highway to affect a compass that is ~5 feet above the ground, considering you're walking with it.

[Anonymous No.10860809]

>>10860195
Honestly, I find Chinks attractive too but you really need to date one that was born in a Western country most of the time. If not, you better love their culture or you're fucked.

[Anonymous No.10861018]

>>10860809
>Ywn have a QT slant gf
Feels had man.

[Anonymous No.10861050]

>>10860809
I know this feel
>roommate from Arizona but lived with off the boat Chinese
>leaves shit draped around the apartment because in China they consider their property by what their belongings touch rather than theIr designated space
>cooks disgusting insectoid Chinese food because Asians have zero concept of cuisine
>sold drugs to tons of ppl out our apartment without consulting me
>would frequently practice reloading guns as tho he was worried someone would try to kill us, often at night after had done hallucinogens
>would find machetes and axes “strategically” placed in cabinets in case drug deals went wrong

The kid literally converted to Islam the last two months I lived with him and I believe became affiliated with extremists

[Anonymous No.10861058]

>>10860169
Did she also save like hundreds of newspapers stacked and tied together? Because she sounds like one of my old college roommates

[Anonymous No.10861156]

>>10859901
people wipe their dogs asses with dog toilet paper?

[Anonymous No.10861164]

>>10861156
I'm sure someone does.

[Anonymous No.10861181]

>buys 2 pack frozen pizzas
>cooks both of them
>puts second one in fridge with paper towel over it

[Anonymous No.10861194]

>>10860807
The "fun fact" I presented was that electrical lines and large amounts of ferrous metals interfere with compasses, which is by no means common knowledge. It's well documented that the magnetic fields from powerlines, which (excluding high-tension wires) run almost exclusively along roadsides do interfere with compasses.
Basically, you're the retard getting butthurt over a simple, relevant comment.

[Anonymous No.10861198]

>>10859311
It's not even a long post you fucking sperg.

[Anonymous No.10861215]

>>10858953
>roommate turn fringe up to 10
>everything is half-frozen
>have to throw out all my veggies because roommate is a retard and thinks meat turns into nerve gas in 2 hours unless frozen solid

[Anonymous No.10861269]

>>10861215
Get your own fridge with a lock
Punch him in the face when he inevitably tries to fuck with it

[Anonymous No.10861274]

>>10861181
Why is it okay to keep some food frozen, and some food fridged, but not heated frozen food fridged?

[Anonymous No.10861280]

>be me, 20, in university
>living in shared four bedroom apartment with kitchen
>second year living in the apartment, no roomie troubles
>fat sack of shit stoner moves in to fill vacancy
>this guy is huge
>meh, whatever
>week or so goes by
>be asleep
>BEEEP BEEEP BEEEP BEEEP BEEEP
>fire alarm
>run out to the kitchen in my skivvies, smoke billowing forth from oven, other housemates come out too
>lard ass is nowhere to be found
>turn off oven, open window, open oven
>burnt pizza
>call his cell phone
>he's high as shit
>ask him about pizza
>"oh yeah, I forgot about that"
>mfw

This happened like four more times until we managed to get his ass evicted. He also liked to eat margarine by the stick.

[Anonymous No.10861311]

>>10861280
Jesus

[Anonymous No.10861390]

>>10861274
What's the point of cooking two and microwaving one later when you could just enjoy the other one "fresh" later?

[Anonymous No.10861405]

>>10861280
>he also liked to eat margarine by the stick

[Anonymous No.10861414]

>>10858953
KEK, I was the trouble maker in my dorm.
However, I was big and went to the gym with 2 buddies , so nobody really fucked with me.
> one year I had a small, scrawny dude roomate
> beta as fuck, he always masturbated in the shower, literally spent hours in there
> he had this big ass can of cheap ground coffee
> every time he pissed me off , I used to put half of ramen seasoning packet in his coffee and stirred well
> after 4 packets he realised that something was wrong , but the madman kept drinking

> he kept taking my mustard when i was out , so I spit in it. He ate it in the next 2 weeks.My buddies sad it would've been better to cum in it, but it was an overkill imo

we also had a lot of real retards on our floor
> the russian dude who had only one set of clothes but a fridge full of vodka and bacon
> the exhibitionist who used to come to the floor common kitchen in underpants, slippers and an open bathrobe. He stopped after 2 hot Stacies called him a dicklet.
> the gypsy who brought a non lethal , rubber bullet gun in the dorm and threatened some faggots on the next room who listened to loud music. Needles to say the police arrived in 15 minutes and we never saw the gyp again. Next morning some relatives came and took his shit.

[Anonymous No.10861430]

>>10858953
I graduated from University last December, and if I can offer one solid piece of advice, never room with someone who does not go to school if you're in school.

>Roommate A
>Works job as a waiter, dropped out of CC
>Initially things are ok, his dog is kind of annoying as she barks constantly and is rarely walked
>Turns 21 and immediately things go off the deep end
>Diet literally consists of hot pockets and pastaroni
>Does not do any chores like dishes or taking out the trash
>Even worse is his refusal to clean up after his dog, so the yard is littered with dogshit
>Major stoner, would constantly take chops, which made the house stink and the living room table was constantly covered in bud scraps and tobacco
>Alcohol of choice was usually a plastic handle with a generic store brand soda or 4lokos
>This meant that the house would have random cups of this sweet shit that would attract a ton of flies and as it got hotter, ants as well
>Would stay up until 3-4am either playing vidya or drinking with his coworkers who were loud as fuck
>The guy ended up going to the hospital 3 times in 3 months while I was there
>First time broke his wrist falling off a deck pissdrunk
>the second time he nearly sliced his hand off with a table saw trying to cut a piece of wood to repair the beer die table
>The last time he rolled his ankle when he went out to the bars

Overall, it was a pretty shit situation, but at least I got out before he started fucking up royally by being late on his rent.

[Anonymous No.10861442]

>>10861414
>the russian dude who had only one set of clothes but a fridge full of vodka and bacon

[Anonymous No.10861447]

>>10860743
No it's for spics look at the language it should not dirty a white bottom

[Anonymous No.10861456]

>>10858953
>room mate
Can someone explain this concept to me?
Is it a school or military thing or a house share set up? Do you sleep in the same room?
I honestly don't understand this.

[Anonymous No.10861472]

I have lived with 5 roomates the last 8 years in my house nothing like this shit has ever happened.

[Anonymous No.10861474]

>>10859901
this is my dog's favorite brand

[Anonymous No.10861480]

>>10861390
Defrosted so it's faster maybe? Also some people honestly prefer pizza reheated granted it's microwaved shit pizza but I mean it is a guess

[Anonymous No.10861483]

>>10861456
In college if you live on campus you'll more than likely share a room with someone.
Also adults who aren't in school may look for a room/house mate so that the cost of living in the house is lower.

[Anonymous No.10861485]

>>10861456
it's a shared living arrangement to save on costs. have you ever left the house?

[Anonymous No.10861491]

>>10861456
All of the above. A lot of these cases seem to be at college, with apartments or houses where each person has their own room, but share a living space and kitchen.
In a lot of colleges you'll share a large single room with another person to sleep, hang out, whatever.

[Anonymous No.10861496]

You guys have any protips for finding good roomates? I bought a house and need to find tenants to help pay my mortgage, but am nervous. Also I have Tourette syndrome and I don't want it to freak my tenants out but I'm scared to broach the subject.

[Anonymous No.10861517]

>>10861496
Tell them before they move in. Don't make the sign a lease or give receipts for rent so you can kick them out when ever you want.

[Anonymous No.10861524]

>>10861517
That last part was fucking awful because if they want to they can steal of more likely destroy his shit and dip out, he can't prove to the cops it's his stuff without proof and they owe him no rent because there is no lease and if they remove all their shit there is no proof they lived there

[Anonymous No.10861529]

>>10861524
They are gonna do all that shit anyway and disappear losing a few months rent and fixing things is cheaper than evicting someone.

[Anonymous No.10861537]

>>10860743
Only for house niggers apparently

[Anonymous No.10861569]

>>10861529
If he had a lease and they disappear he can have the cops out a warrant and take them to small claims court and if they destroy shit the judge knows they got fact lived there rather than not having why actual proof of residency
>Anon Mexicans are a 50/50 shot some are snake as shit and terrible tenants others are just working to send money out of the US and just work and pay rent sending the surplus to Mexico so they can be rich when they go back

[Anonymous No.10861576]

>>10861496
My best roommates were nobody. Fuck living with others.

[Anonymous No.10861641]

>>10861414
>he stopped when 2 hot stacies called him a dicklet
Looks like his plan backfired

[Anonymous No.10861671]

>>10860195
Only go for Americanized asians, my friend had a Vietnamese girl who burned the fuck out of everything she made. Maybe girls from nice countries like Korea and Taiwan are better, but theres not enough data to tell

[Anonymous No.10861674]

>>10859031
I hate the fuckers who live on this planet

If you act like this do yourself a favor and never live with someone

[Anonymous No.10861706]

>>10858953
I live on my own, so I don't have a roommate story, but I did take in a homeless woman (don't ever do this).
>An acquaintance visits me at work, brings cousin
>Cousin is a few years younger than me, is okay looking.
>Was kicked out of her cousin's house (the one visiting me) and was thus homeless
>Say I would take her in until she got back on her feet.
That was the longest and shittiest two months ever and hurt me financially.
>I like to cook, would make meals for her and me.
>She'd eat it if it was fresh and I served it.
>Didn't know how to reheat food in the microwave
>Wanted to always eat at fast food.
>Never really cleaned, always claimed she was job hunting, but would go off on people really easily.
>She had anger issues, and if she perceived you as "disrespecting" her then she would go off on you.
>So this is why she got kicked out
>She would also drink through all my beer, and I'm pretty sure she was bringing her cousin over to drink with her...who was not 21.
>Took my $50 pairing knife when she went out for "protection"
>Not one of the cheap steak knives
>She would get mad if I looked at her, it was weird.
>Turns out it was because of all the drugs she used to do. She was stupid as fuck.
>She also used to steal all the time.
>And she was going through treatment for an STD during that time.
>The mental breakdowns at 2am were fun, especially when I had to wake up at 5:30am.
>She ended up getting to another state over to live with family, then wanted me to come drive over and pick her up when she couldn't handle them anymore.
>Told her to fuck off, blocked her family (sister would talk to me...and ask for money), and stopped speaking to acquaintance.
I was just trying to help someone who had it worse than me, but holy shit, now I despise the homeless, and I would always try to help them when I could. These fucks don't want to be helped, they just want to take advantage of people's kindness.

[Anonymous No.10861708]

>>10859901
>almost think that i'm in the wrong here

[Anonymous No.10861744]

>>10859901
Okay that is just a horrible choice of labeling.

[Anonymous No.10861750]

>>10861671
I went out with a Japanese girl for two years.
Christ, she was so materialistic, vacuous and boring it was painful.
Never again, no more slants for me.

[Anonymous No.10861753]

>>10859901
This is a funny misunderstanding. Not a horror story you sperg.

[Anonymous No.10861760]

>>10861706
You wanted to fuck her, didn't you?

[Anonymous No.10861763]

>Freshman year of college
>Live in a suite with 5 other guys (6 bedrooms, 1 kitchen, 1 common area, 2 bathrooms)
>One guy, Graeham, never cooks. He order a large pizza every day and eats it for all 3 meals
>Every day
>For Thanksgiving, he makes his mom give him directions to make a pot roast over the phone in real time. Makes her stay on speaker phone, tell him when it should be ready, etc. Literally makes her cook remotely because he can't read a recipe.
>Despite this I'm glad to see him cook for once
>Except he leaves both sinks full of his dishes
>After about a week, I just throw all of his (still unwashed) cookware into the garbage
>He never even asked about it

[Anonymous No.10861766]

>>10861760
Yeah, not having a gf for a few years changes you. After I found out that she was being treated for an STD (she was part Native American so had free healthcare) I lost interest really quick, and stopped putting up with her shit.

[Anonymous No.10861777]

>>10860017
How's that knife control workin' for ya, britbong?

S H A L L N O T B E I N F R I N G E D

[Anonymous No.10861833]

>>10861766
Did you do anything with her at all?

[Anonymous No.10861843]

>>10861833
Hugging is far as it went. She said that she didn't like affection, which according to her, is why her boyfriend didn't want to be with her anymore.

[Anonymous No.10861866]

>2nd year of University
>Middlesbrough, north of England
>The 'local dish' is a Chicken Parmo. It's a chicken parmesan with about 3 times too much cheese
>It's a heart attack on a plate but it's fucking delicious
>Have a Roommate who exclusively lives off these, KFC and Rustlers microwave burgers
>One day I was making some chicken stock
>He walks in and sticks his finger in the stock and then licks it
>Shat all over the toilet like a leaky fire-hydrant too

>3rd year of Uni
>Different housing arrangement
>Got a guy with OCD, thought he'd keep the house clean
>He didn't. His room and everything he touched turned into a bombsite, he lived out of his suitcase for a year and possibly didn't wash his clothes. Definitely didn't wash his hair.
>He wouldn't eat any food that someone else had touched or prepared, he only trusted frozen food
>Thought "okay, guess we won't have much freezer space"
>We had no fucking freezer space from the first day, it's full of frozen pizzas before we've unpacked our toothbrushes
>Also had a housemate who made minced-beef sandwiches and took them to Uni with him

[Anonymous No.10861926]

>>10860169
Report her to the dorm head? Or whoever is in chsrge, retardm

[Anonymous No.10861932]

The things we learn about our friends when we move in together...

For example, my buddy who I've known since the third grade likes to sleep naked. I know this because I walked into the kitchen one night for a glass of water and found him standing bare ass naked in front of the freezer. The freezer door was open and he was holding a gallon tub of ice cream to his torso and eating ice cream by the spoonful. He looked at me like it was the most normal thing ever. My first thought was, "Nice weiner, faggot." My second thought was, "How does he tolerate the cold tub of ice cream against his bare skin?" My third thought which I vocalized was, "Don't you fucking dare get a single pube into our communal gallon of ice cream because if I find a single pube I am going to come at you with a machete and a blowtorch."

[Anonymous No.10861952]

>>10859997
are you a cute soft crossdresser, be my roommate so I can take advantage of you wink wink

[Anonymous No.10861955]

>>10861932
>eating someone's partially eaten ice cream

You were supposed to take a bowl and smash it on his head

[Anonymous No.10861960]

>>10861706
>sperg picks up a homeless woman for sex
>it backfires

*snap*

[Anonymous No.10861984]

Lived with this friend for first year Uni, now going to live with him and two others in the second year.
>Have friend over, making 3 of us all together
>Roomie wants popcorn
>Sureletsdoit.png
>He walks into the kitchen
>Promptly comes back in a second
>I'm thinking ::This isn't correct, he should stand over and watch so it doesn't burn::
>Meh, whatever, he probably knows best
>Few minutes go by, we're playing vidya and I completely forget about the kitchen
>Girl flatmate bursts through the door
>"THE KITCHEN IS ON FIRE"
>Shit what the fuck what
>Run into kitchen
>Pot is on flames
>Run over, turn off gas, take off cooker, put under running tap
>Burning smell fills the kitchen
>Lucky as fuck that this didn't set off the fire or smoke alarm
>The popcorn is now a black mass stuck in the pot
>"Never again are you making popcorn for us" I tell him. And never again he did.

Next.
>Same place, same roommate.
>He's off in the kitchen making himself food. We both make ourselves food so I don't think anything of it
>He's making himself bread
>Uh sure, if you know how to make it
>"Yeah yeah, my mum used to make it so I know how to too"
>Doesn't use starter, doesn't use yeast, doesn't use salt, doesn't use anything but flour with added nuts, flakes and other healthy shit and a tiny bit of water, just enough to congeal it
>Puts it into a bowl and places it riskly on our heater
>It eventually falls down onto manky, dirty carpet
>He picks it up from the ground and picks off the hairs, puts it back in
>Fast forward to cooking process
>Oven has been on full blast for the past hour while he was preparing his bread
>Decides he wants to raise the bread
>Opens oven door down, places wooden cutting board half inside the oven, half on the door, places bowl on top of that
>10 minutes go by
>Same girl as before knocks on our door
>"Come in-"
>"Something's burning in the kitchen"
>ffs.fat32
>Go into kitchen, sure enough the board has caught fire
>Take bread off, take board off

[Anonymous No.10861992]

>>10861984
You're gonna die in a fire one day

[Anonymous No.10862008]

>>10861992
Fuck, this reminds me of another story.
Yeah, I'm probably going to perish at his hands.
>Late at night
>Only me and him awake
>Giddy hour because we're children, no alcohol or foul play involved
>Decide to move into kitchen
>He takes a lighter with him
>Kitchen cooker is gas
>He turns on the gas and holds it, then holds the lighter up to it to light the flames
>"No don't do that, that's dangerous please stop"
>Turns on two at a time and waits for a bit, says he's going to fill the room and then strike the lighter
>Fuck please stop
>Makes a fucking contraption out of dirty dishes, our burned board and a pan that holds down all four of the gas things
>Gas comes out 4 times as fast, I can smell it, it's filling the room more and more despite it being quite a large kitchen
>I can smell it and it's fucking disgusting
>Move out of kitchen with him, watch the kitchen through the glass window in the door
>I want to go in there to turn it off
>He threatens to pull the trigger on the lighter
>There's a lot of this gas in there, it could legit end my life then and there
>Scared as fuck, clock is ticking, I need to stop this
>Every time I set foot in the kitchen I hear the slow "Kssshhhth" sound of him turning on the lighter
>Now or never
>Run in, take off all the shit, turn it off, hold breath, open windows, run back
>He still tries it anyway, doesn't do anything
>Go back to room happy that I didn't die that night
>Sleep well
>No one in the flat knows about this until I told one months later

[Anonymous No.10862019]

>>10862008
What the fuck

[Anonymous No.10862024]

>>10861198
I'm an actual sperg and even I think this guy's a faggot

[Anonymous No.10862044]

>chad roommate drunk once again
>has eaten nothing but mexican food all day
>ends up shitting diarrhea into a mixing bowl and puts it in refrigerator
>notice this when making brekky in the morning
>third greaselord roommate confronts chad about it
>chad wakes up hungover
>takes bowl and chucks in hall

[Anonymous No.10862064]

>>10858953
This is a story of a French-Canadian/Mexian, we'll call him:
Roomate X

and the other guy I lived with
Roommate A

>Roommate A and I notice there are a considerable number of flies in the house
>Spend next 3 days cleaning the house, which in all fairness needed it
>Number of flies still slowly increasing, mostly fruit flies, but also houseflies
>After 3 days of us talking about it and cleaning and searching for the source, roommate X comes down from his room holding up a full 120L clear garbage bag easily 200+ flies inside it and says: "Hey guys I think I found where the flies are coming from"
>His reaction to this was not of humour or shame, just one of genuine surprise like he didn't know what was happening until then.
>Almost gagging when I see it I tell him to quickly seal it so he doesn't let them all out in the living room and to take it to the dumpster.
>He comes back and I ask him if he has any more garbage in his room and he says yes, so I hand him a garbage bag and he goes up stairs.
>I follow him and take a look into his room.
>Piles of pizza boxes, chip bags, 2L pepsi bottles, and Wendys wrappers (he worked at wendys) everywhere, couldn’t count them, couldn't see most of the floor. There was also a stack of plates on the floor about 2.5' high.
>The plates were all the same size and made a very uniform stack, but the stack was completely covered in a film of crust and hair.
>"So that's where all the plates went", I said
>Roommate X hands me a plate, and to my horror the plate underneath that plate has just as much crust and hair on it.
>Every-single plate in that gigantic stack had a thick film of crust and hair covering it.

months later; when roommate X moved out, I was at school and roommate A was at work. So Roommate X stole my TV and A's gamecube (this was in 2006)
Despite his clear mental and hygienic issues roommate X had a gf the whole time, but she was gross, so we named her 'ditch pig'

[Anonymous No.10862079]

>>10862064
If you fill a mason jar or old pickle jar with apple cider vinegar, some soap, and some sweet alcohol like whiskey (like half a shot), and leave it sitting out, you'll be able to clear out fruit flies in a couple of days.

[Anonymous No.10862088]

I was kind of that roommate in college.

I never stole food or had any weird habits, in fact I got along well with everyone I lived with, but on two separate occasions I managed to set off the fire alarm for the whole residence hall trying to pan-sear a steak or finish food in the oven.

Once the fire alarm for the whole building went off, the standard procedure was to evacuate everybody and call in the fire department to inspect the room from which the alert originated, which all in all took ~30-40 minutes and was basically a huge pain in the ass for everyone.

Somebody once told me that calling in the FD costs the residence hall or the city/university something to the tune of $500, so that cheap Meijer steak that I aggressively over-cooked was technically also the most expensive meal I've ever eaten.

[Anonymous No.10862095]

>>10862088
I pulled out my fire alarm in my apartment because every time I cooked it would go off. Shit didn't even have to burn, just having the stove on set it off.

[Anonymous No.10862099]

>>10859311
This. Can't believe all of these redditors actually "red-dit"

[Anonymous No.10862100]

>>10860809
or date one that's from a less degenerate culture than mainland china

[Anonymous No.10862119]

Loved my roommate, but he was not a good cook.

>Buy a brand new 10in All Clad stainless steel pan.
>Didn't have a pricetag on it so was able to score it from TJmaxx for $12
>Go home, can't wait to use my pan later in the week
>Saturday, roommate announces he's making everyone breakfast.
>yeah that ain't gonna be that great but good luck.
>See smoke coming from the kitchen
>stroll over to see what's happening
>There it is, my virgin stainless steel pan
>eggs shittily burned onto it smoking
>Freak out
>Roommate freaks out, scrapes eggs onto a plate and immediately throws the pan under cold water
>Nearly have heart attack

Luckily the pan was totally fine and he did offer to pay for it if it was warped. But fuck I haven't panicked like that in a while.

[Anonymous No.10862129]

>>10861194
Maybe you should have specified you were talking about magnetic fields from power lines then, idiot. All you said in the first place was that the interference was from "large amounts of iron/steel" which is ambiguous nonsense and why you were called retarded. Which wasn't by me, by the way.

[Anonymous No.10862151]

>>10862129
>Fun fact, compasses are rendered pretty much useless by strong magnetic fields or large amounts of iron/steel like you find along the side of the road

[Anonymous No.10862174]

I almost cut myself today cutting veggies because he decided to shout loudly about League of Legends from the room next door.
I just don't understand how people can get that angry over a video game.
I've asked him about all that, but he tells me that he's having fun. I'm not too sure about that due to the shouting.

[Anonymous No.10862196]

>>10861763
i farted

[Anonymous No.10862228]

I have this roommate D who is a cook at Olive Garden.

>brings home leftovers everyday
>gets drunk every night
>never eats
>fridge full of Olive Garden
>ask him to take it out if he won’t eat it
>says he’s saving it
>fridge full of maggots now

Still love Olive Garden but fuck that guy

[Anonymous No.10862265]

>>10858953
Mine involves a court case, biker gang members, and a old cow with OCD and anger management issues

>be me
>mom decides to move out of state
>Her coworker is looking for a roommate
>hell yes
>All three of us meet at her apartment
>she seems normal enough, apartment I'd very clean
>She says I can do what I want with the bedroom, but likes to keep a fairly clean home
>I can do that fine
>Weird quirk where she bashes the vacuum cleaner against walls every time she cleans.
>ask her about it
>she is upset I don't vacuum enough
>oh sorry how often do you prefer vacuuming be done?
>she says every two days
>wtf
>she angrily washes dishes when she does them and makes a racket
>she says later that day I left dishes in the sink and she thinks it is disgusting and will draw bugs
>look in it and sink has literally 2 knives
>crazy bitch wants me to waste water washing every single object right after it is dirtied
>when her bf spends the night, she washes his single pair of clothes and wastes tons of water
>she does the same with her one work uniform
>Turns out to she is a OCD freak with anger management issues

>She treats living room like it is still her private space and makes me feel too awkward to be out there at the same time
>End up hiding out in my room most days
>Invite GF over and watch Tv in living room with her
>One day tv disappears
>wut
>Roommate says they moved it to their bedroom
>still expects me to pay half the fucking tv bill
>refuse to
Roommate throws a fit
>so I said fuck it, and slap a shitty old thrift store tv in the living room so I have a reason to pay it

[Anonymous No.10862272]

>>10862265
>escalation starts
>Roommate leaves a note for me to clean up my room better since it was dirty the few times they saw inside my door that is always closed
>I leave note later because that is apparently how we are talking now
>ask them to please not wrinkle my person kitchen towels I hang on the stove :)
>next day roommate calls for a meeting
>they are super angry at my note
>literally my only request I've ever made after months of living there
>Talk roommate down and say I didn't mean it
>they say and I quote "Oh good, because I was going to kick you out if you were serious"
>wtf

>later on, roommate decides they want to kick me out so they can live alone with their boyfriend
>they don't give reason of fucking course, they just tell me I have a month to move out
>they also say the way the apartments do rent, you pay for the upcoming month in advance so I still need to cover my half of the rent during the month I am gone
>I ask for details because that makes no fucking sense
>they just repeat that's how they do it
>fucking stupid so I call up office later
>office says nope they don't do that
>overhear roommate and her bf talking
>he says he can't move in until after a month
>fucking bitch wants me to cover time she won't have someone to pay

[Anonymous No.10862277]

>>10862272
////
>one night visit gfs place ask if I can spend night there because I had a bad feeling that night.
>gf said no and insists on going back to my place
>roommate comes in and demands I pay rent
>I tell her no, I already covered my half for the month
>roommate goes and gets screwdriver and removes my fucking bedroom door knob
>say they will stand in my doorway all night until I agree to pay
>we sit there arguing 8pm to midnight
>call cops on roommate
>roommate is sweet as could be with the "yes sir" tells her she can't keep us from leaving
>cops leave
>roommate refuses to move
>call cops again
>get a super bitch of a 911 operative that refuses to send cops back because entering my room against my will isn't breaking a private property law
>googled law and knew cunt didn't know what she was talking about
>roommate calls over two "brothers"
>members of a motorcycle club she is a part of
>they try to intimidate and get me to sign a paper she wrote that says I will pay
>gf is still there and pleads with me to sign it
>I say absolutely not
>gf grabs it and asks me again
>I look at paper for the first time
>dumbass didn't even attempt to phrase it official
>see loophole that they require "rent owed"
>sign paper
>they put knob back on door
///
>next day after roommate leaves for work, gf begs her mom on phone to help me move
>we pack up everything in a single day
>feel so much rage and helplessness after months of living with her
>take knife and carve CUNT on underside of kitchen counter and underside of every kitchen drawer

[Anonymous No.10862290]

>>10862277
Where's the rest?

[Anonymous No.10862295]

>>10859746
underrated

[Anonymous No.10862318]

>>10859901

>6 years ago
>doing my PhD in math
>roommate is autist /b/tard
>wears a fedora ffs
>want to get him as hard as he continually thinks he is getting me because I'm stuck living with this fail
>ask him to buy TP one day, he comes home with the cheap shitty brand
>ffs of all the shit i go thru living with this guy now cheap bog roll
>logo is a dog ffs
>a dog
>smiles
>"yo anon" I yell, time to get this cuck to break some bad habits

Mfw retard acted so superior he thought a PhD student thought dogs wipe their ass. What a fucking monger.

[Anonymous No.10862322]

>>10862277
> months later get letter sent to work
>its a court order with a date
>roommate is taking me to small claims court
>I sweat up a storm, won't lie ck/

>in court, roommate tells judge I owe rent
>I present judge with apartments rent policy
>judge calls her out on her bullshit
>roommate smugly presents contract I singed
>when judge asks my response about the contract, I explain I signed it while two men stood next to me in my bedroom doorway and intimidated me to sign it
>roommate tries to argue I signed it though
>judge says it means nothing if I signed under duress
>gf acts as witness and almost cries on stand
>can see judge doesn't like roommate or her bullshit at all
>judge throws out contract
>rules I only have to pay $200 for my share of the two weeks in the month I left early since I hadn't paid that months full rent before leaving

>Judge is on my side entire trial
>next, roommate wants me to pay for burned pot I ruined
>judge asks her how much
>she says surprise, amount that would have been my share of rent for a entire month
>judge bluntly says you would pay that at a garage sale?
>roommate hesitates and says yes
>judge asks me same question
>I say $20
>judge says I will owe $20
>kek
>roommate next brings out pictures of words I carved in apartment
>shiiiiit.jpg
>judge pauses
>raises eyebrow and says "carved...under your counter and the underside of drawers?"
>they don't believe I did it
>roommate mother fucking shot themselves in the foot by being a liar and cheat
>internally kek at them for being like the boy who cried wolf
>judge doesn't hold me responsible at all
>thinks roommates is crazy and did it to blame me
>leave court not competely debt free, but happy with results.

[Anonymous No.10862323]

>>10861050
>shitthath never happened.

[Anonymous No.10862329]

>>10862290
Here bro thanks for listening, my first time ever sharing with anyone other than gf or family
>>10862322

[Anonymous No.10862331]

>be fresh out of the shower
>spotless clean
>put on thighhighs pop the good ol' aneros in as per usual
>put panties over the prostate massager
>go cooking in just that
>turned out the jacked Colombian flatmate upstairs is doing laundry
>he comes downstairs with a hamper full of smelly clothes and sees me half naked in the kitchen
>he drops the hamper and I turn around, face red af
>without a word he approaches me and bends me over the kitchen counter
>start crying because my face is inches away from the onion I just finely chopped up
>pulls out the aneros and fucks my brains out
>makes me cum all over the raw lamb shank
>mfw his blatant disregard for kitchen safety and hygeine
Had tho throw out all of my ingredients that night. Absolute nightmare.

[Anonymous No.10862350]

>>10862329
Good story man

[Anonymous No.10862371]

>>10862322
From that rambling you sound like a liar and cheat proud of the fact you scammed the legal system although you were wrong and tried to avoid responsibility. Have you considered applying for a job with our current crop of "leaders?" You'll fit right in.

[Anonymous No.10862372]

>>10861456
STOP BEING NEET

[Anonymous No.10862436]

>>10861706
>this desperate for sex
I mean I guess I get it, but damn son, why not just go to a prostitute at this point?

[Anonymous No.10862457]

>>10859311
>>10862099
kill yourself

[Anonymous No.10862481]

>>10862119
What a goddamn dick

[Anonymous No.10862582]

>>10861456
Explain how you don't understand this.

You live in an apartment that has multiple rooms and a shared living and kitchen area. Usually you have your own private rooms. Have you literally never stepped outside your parents house into someone's apartment

[Anonymous No.10862626]

>>10861456
98% of the time, it's a house mate or flat mate. Americans just call it "roommates". But rarely do people actually share a room. They have their own room and sometimes their own bathroom and share the rest of the house or apartment.

Most cities nowadays cost $1,100+ for a decent apartment. So people pay 50% to 75% of that, and live with roommates to save money. Or because they can't afford to live alone.

[Anonymous No.10862627]

>>10861766
What state are you in? Ill guess WA.

[Anonymous No.10862630]

>>10861496
I'd say the best option is to not mention the tourettes and try very hard not to tic around them. It's the only way.

[Anonymous No.10862673]

>>10862371
>scammed the legal system

Only thing I did wrong was sit there and not say shit as the judge assumed ex roommate carved shit in her apartment. So much worse than holding someone hostage with biker gang members until they agree to sign a non legal document, to hand over free money, that was not owed.

God I'm so horrible. I'll go now to my local church and confess my sin. Sin of carving into furniture where it cannot be seen unless specifically looked for. Me and the kids who carve slurs into their school desk will share the same spot in hell.

[Anonymous No.10862772]

>>10858953
I was the only one in a house of three guys who knew how to cook. Nothing bad happened, I just dunno why neither of the other two knew how to cook.

[Anonymous No.10862865]

>>10862371
shut up nigger hahahahahah

[Anonymous No.10862884]

>>10862772
I've had friends get girlfriends just to have them cook for them. I guess something about our mothers telling us to find a girl that will cook and clean really stuck in a lot of peoples minds.

[Anonymous No.10862889]

>>10861866
>Middlesbrough, north of England

stopped reading there

[Anonymous No.10862893]

>stoner guy decides to make fries
>smoke detector goes off
>this annoys him so he takes out the batteries
>halfway through cooking, decides to go take a nap
>burn baby burn
>four apartment units are total loss
and that's why you buy renter's insurance

[Anonymous No.10863005]

>>10861456
Americans call housemates "roommates", same way they call college/University "school".

[Anonymous No.10863129]

>current roommate is very intelligent guy
>bachelor's in science from a top tier university
>enjoys cooking large batches of food with complex recipes because he's an upper class (spoiled, pretentious), food-obsessed emotional eater
>leaves sink full of mixing bowls and all types of shit used in his recipes
>sits there for days, sometimes a week
>if he cleans the sink and i have a pot soaking in there, which i sometimes am guilty of leaving for too long, he'll bring the dirty pot full of water over to the stove and leave it there

something about a guy who is totally into everything about food, makes that one of his main passions that he shares with anyone he talks to, yet leaves shit like that for roommates to be annoyed about... very much irritates me. might also be because he's closeted and hasn't had anyone over to fuck his ass out since he moved in almost a year ago.

[Anonymous No.10863148]

My roommate turned into a retard when he entered the kitchen nothing as bad as some other things in the thread but annoying none the less.

>Be me playing video games in room
>Had some pasta boiling on stove in kitchen
>Roommate walks into my room
>"Hey man your pot is boiling over"
>I look at him visabley confused
>"... Then turn the heat down?"
>"Oh yeah"
>walks away to turn down heat

I mean it was my pasta but if a pot is boiling over just turn the heat down. There was also this one time that he made eggs but "forgot" butter and burned the shit out of them.

[Anonymous No.10863162]

>>10863148
take responsibility for your own pasta fuck head. You are the shit roommate in all of these stories.

[Anonymous No.10863209]

>>10862323
Fuck you guy it’s true. I also have one from the year prior to moving in to that place
>live in dorms on campus
>old roommate moves in, new creepy roomie fills spot
>kid giggles after EVERY sentence he speaks
>was brewing and selling beer to people at dorm at the time, kid really doesn’t care he only plays world of Warcraft 18-20 hours a day and sometimes halo
>throw a shin dig in my dorm room during the Super Bowl. Didn’t think RA would care because he never did before
>surprise his gf dumped him and busts everyone there including creepy roomie
>everyone backs me up because there was no reason to tell dorm ppl I was selling
>Creepy Roomie narcs and sings like a canary and gets me kicked out of dorms
>Tell RA about the weapons he had lying about the room (was into martial arts and had tons of knives, swords, nunchucks)
>he gets arrested, kicked out of dorms
>Find out he paid out of his own pocket and this forced him to drop out of school
Won’t lie I spent the rest of my undergrad looking over my shoulder

[Anonymous No.10863220]

>>10863209
I feel fortunate that my university was so close to my parent's house. We had a free bus system that would pass by that I could take to get there since parking was a bitch.

[Anonymous No.10863228]

>>10863148
>Roommate reminds you that your pasta is ready
>>"Holy fuck what a retard turn it down dur hur"

[Anonymous No.10863234]

>>10861753
in his defense it's the most entertaining one in the thread imo

[Anonymous No.10863239]

>>10863220
Living in a dorm was alright, really part of the whole college experience
However, the more people you interact with the more you realize how absolutely disgusting and terrible the average person is. It’s hard to meet good people as it is and dorms are just random assortments of bad ppl. Especially ppl that are older than freshmen and didn’t have a place to live off campus. Those ppl are there because they have no friends

[Anonymous No.10863249]

>>10862119
>Didn't have a pricetag on it so was able to score it from TJmaxx for $12
stopped reading there so I could pretend this has a happy ending. What a find

[Anonymous No.10863250]

>>10863239
I just didn't want more debt, I was there to get my degree and get out. I socialized some, but I didn't want to be a drop out (I had a limited time due to student loans). My university tried to make me stay in the dorms as part of the policy, but apparently being so close that I could see the university from our fucking front yard wasn't good enough. My dad told me to just use his epilepsy as an excuse and it worked and they excused me from living on campus. Tbh I've only ever seen my dad have seizures a few times, he's good about hiding it.

[Anonymous No.10863398]

>>10861706
>I despise the homeless
I'm in a pretty bad situation myself right now to the point where I have to get food from a foodbank. Some of the kindest and most generous people I have ever met are homeless and actually just want to help others in need out. They would give you the shirt off their back. Don't lump them all in with the nutcases.

[Anonymous No.10863408]

>>10859891
>nothing wacky ever happens to me so I doubt all wacky stories despite there being billions of people on the planet

What leads to this mindset?

[Anonymous No.10863419]

>broke my glass
>never apologized or replaced it
>somehow burnt my wooden spoon multiple times until the neck was black and incredibly thin
>set off the fire alarm multiple times during one of his midnight dinners
>got busted for having pot and I had to wait out in the living room for the police to arrive and arrest him
>then he started smoking again the very next day

[Anonymous No.10863445]

>>10858953
>have a bunch of food and spices from left over tenants
>some of the spices say "SKY" on them
>assume it's some chink, like the chink mail we keep getting
>use them to make homemade pizzas
>roommate that is never home nor never cooks comes in
>offer him some of the pizza(topped with other roommates left over meat from his job at Arby's)
>says no
>brings out his spices labeled SKY
>DID YOU USE MY SPICES?

nevermind the fact this chucklefuck wrote his INITIALS on the spices and wouldn't give ANYONE his last name, not even for the census check.

[Anonymous No.10863489]

>>10861706
>would never take in a homeless male but hopes the homeless female is a Cinderella of free fucks
Pathetic

[Anonymous No.10863501]

One of my roommates dropped out after having a heart attack and the other moved out suddenly after I outed him as a pedophile. They managed to frequently burn my pans until that though. The worst shit was when they cooked my food, didn't save me any, then left the dishes for me to clean.

[Anonymous No.10863526]

>>10863501
>outing a pedophile
Based

[Anonymous No.10863531]

>>10863526
Yea until you have to clean the entire apartment by yourself

[Anonymous No.10863538]

>>10861706
Why did you pay $50 for a paring knife?

[Anonymous No.10863579]

>>10862008
Should call cops on him, seems like legit shizo

[Anonymous No.10863613]

>>10863531
Better than having literal scum occupy your living space

[Anonymous No.10863622]

>>10862331
Kek

[Anonymous No.10863709]

>>10862371
Go away soymongrel

[Anonymous No.10863752]

>>10862322
Damn, what a story

[Anonymous No.10863773]

>>10862331
Pls b my roommate.

[Anonymous No.10863794]

>>10862318
Let this be your last post you illiterate nigger.

[Anonymous No.10863827]

>>10862322
Why are you using "they" instead of he or she you fucking retard

[Anonymous No.10863856]

>>10862119
>immediately throws pan under cold water
>luckily the pan was totally fine
You had me going there for a second anon

[Anonymous No.10863865]

>>10859311
tl;dr

[Anonymous No.10863868]

>>10859927
I've never heard this. Please do not act like it's obvious or common outside your local area.

[Anonymous No.10863879]

>>10861456
Are you from the UK or something? It's the same as "housemate".

[Anonymous No.10863892]

>>10861706
I know a guy who was homeless for a few months. He moved in with some religious family and got back on his feet, now he makes more money than I do in IT. They're not all insane

[Anonymous No.10863901]

>>10862331
>aneros
I didn't need to know about this

[Anonymous No.10863938]

>>10862371
There's always that faggot who has to say shit like this. Did you even read what this woman tried to do to that anon? Fuck off.

[Anonymous No.10863988]

>>10863162
Nah I was a good roommate, especially compared to his last one that guy was trash apparently. I did all the cooking, dishes, shopping etc. He was a nice guy I'm pen pals with him.

>>10863228
No you fucking retard I wasn't annoyed that my "pasta was ready" I was annoyed that it was making a huge mess and he just watched it boil over, instead of turning down the heat. I would have simply turned down the heat, then told my roommate that my pasta was ready instead of letting it make a huge mess.

[Anonymous No.10863990]

>>10862196
Lol

[Anonymous No.10864014]

>>10863988
Were you cooking or playing games you autist? It's not his responsibility to watch the food you're making when you decide not to do it yourself. If I were him I would have just let it burn in the pot if it was yours if you told me that shit.

[Anonymous No.10864031]

>>10863239
I've been a housekeeper for half a dozen hotels and hostels of all tiers of income and I can attest to this. Rich, poor, male, female, it doesnt matter. Some people are clean, some are absolute dirty scumbags. The interesting part is it changes depending on the country and culture of the individual too.

[Anonymous No.10864043]

>>10862673
Anon, were you on the actual lease? Or was it just a verbal agreement?

[Anonymous No.10864075]

>>10864014
Jeez anon are you ok? You're getting really mad about his...

[Anonymous No.10864084]

>>10863988
He didn't even have to tell you. Pay attention to your own shit that you're making. It doesn't take long to boil pasta, maybe pause your game of Minecraft for that long you fag.

[Anonymous No.10864099]

>>10859887
i sometimes wake myself by smacking me arm against the wall
kinda just jolt awake with a slap

[Anonymous No.10864116]

Itt: dealing with sociopaths

My one and only roommate was a workaholic greedy scumbag who got leverage over me when a business deal over car-flipping we made wasn't optimal for him any longer so he kept all the titles and refused to ever pay me. Couldn't sue in court I later found out because the contract was invalid due to us not having dealer plates. I then was robbed by his girlfriend of literally everything else of value I had (i.e. my backup funds in case the car flipping business went bad) and left me nearly homeless in the middle of winter with no friends or family.

Finally got a small amount of money from him which was like pulling teeth from this asshole and got a normie job so it all worked out in the end. Lost $10,000 and a year's worth of time though.

Listening to him and his girlfriend get into midnight screaming matches that would occasionally get physical was always annoying. Dumb bitch deserved everything bad that happened to her though.

[Anonymous No.10864129]

>>10863419
Stoners are called degenerates for a reason

[Anonymous No.10864195]

>>10863988
You know what? You have to be the most despicable person I have ever seen on this site. I hope you die and I say this in all seriousness. Death wouldn't be enough though.i hope it's painful, agonising even. I hope that one day they make it so we can capture people's consciousnesses a second before they die so I could watch it for all eternity screaming in agony. The intense hard on that would give me would make me cum gallons. I don't think you appreciate that Matt, if you'll let me call you that. Your pain, agony, would give me a pleasure you can't even imagine. Oh Matt, I'm cumming just thinking about it.

[Anonymous No.10864226]

>>10864075
I had to deal with that shit for a long time.
>brother puts frozen food in microwave
>fucks off to do whatever
>forgets about it
>i come and use it for my use it
>see his food, take it out and leave it on the table or just near it
>walks by to get food because he's hungry, discovers his previously heated item
>YO Anon, why the fuck didn't you tell me my food was ready asshole?
And you might think I was in the wrong for not telling him. But after i noticed he would always do this I gave up telling him that his food is ready. The retard would forget his balls if they weren't attached to him. But because of that I absolutely seethingly hate people who do something and then make someone else accountable for it like that.

[Anonymous No.10864301]

>>10862174
>he tells me that he's having fun. I'm not too sure about that due to the shouting.

/v/ in a nutshell

[Anonymous No.10864317]

>>10864226
Yeah that's ridiculous. Kind of reminds me of that one roommate who always blamed me for "not asking him if he wanted me to cook for him" whenever I cooked, or something along those lines.
One time I went downstairs to grab a drink and we actually got into a day-long argument because I didn't ask his entitled ask if he wanted something to drink. Fucking faggot.

Living alone or with actually good roommates is a blessing.

[Anonymous No.10864329]

>>10863773
Canada? I'm looking for a new place actually

[Anonymous No.10864380]

>>10861215
>tfw roommate thinks food becomes inedible after being in the refrigerator for more than a day.
Guy insists on freezing everythinh we've cooked, makes it taste like shit.

[Anonymous No.10864389]

>>10864116
Please explain how this girl took "everything of value" that you owned

[Anonymous No.10864395]

here's one for you guys
>be me
>have a roommate
>he is bad
i never recovered

[Anonymous No.10864397]

>>10864389
Few thousand dollars of silver bullion in my dresser. Other than my laptop I didn't own anything of value at the time.

[Anonymous No.10864409]

>>10860195
>I find Chinese girls really attractive
are you blind or just have really low standards

[Anonymous No.10864415]

>>10863445
I mean that's not unreasonable of him he put his initials on them so you wouldn't touch them he could have said something or clarified but at least there is logic behind it

[Anonymous No.10864424]

>>10864409
White beta male who projects positive qualities onto the only women he calculates he could get as Asian men are the only group categorically more beta and autistic than he is.

[Anonymous No.10864436]

>>10858953
No

[Anonymous No.10864442]

>>10864195
Fresh pawsta

[Anonymous No.10864647]

>>10862228
I mean, it's Olive garden, there are ALWAYS flies there
the food probably wasn't even rotten yet when the maggots came

[Anonymous No.10864698]

>>10863398
People like that need to fuck off and help themselves first

[Anonymous No.10864703]

>>10863538
I didn't, it was a gift from my dad. He wanted me to have a quality set of knives. I couldn't afford the set he gave me.

[Anonymous No.10864739]

>>10864195
What did Matt do to harm you, anon?

[Anonymous No.10864847]

>>10861932
>nice wiener, faggot

Kek'd

[Anonymous No.10864900]

>>10864397
>/biz/ btfo

[Anonymous No.10864940]

>>10861706
Is your name Reuben?

[Anonymous No.10864987]

>roommate is pretty into oxy and other drugs
>he and his brother sell weed on campus
>nice guy, gets me taco bell for no reason sometimes
>come back from class one day and he is in our dorm room, crying
>refuses to tell me what is going on but asks me to pray for him (christian school)
>okiguess.png
>next day I come into the dorm room and he's freaking the fuck out
>loads up a CNN video of a drug bust
>it's his fucking brother being arrested on a boat trying to smuggle a shit ton of weed and cocaine from mexico to the USA
>roommate is freaking the fuck out and saying there are some "bad dudes" that want him dead
>tells me he is moving into a motel and will be sleeping with a gun under his pillow
>tells me I might not want to live in our dorm room because drug guys might come
>FBI walks in to my chemistry class and asks for me by name
>get questioned by the FBI in the dean's office for 2 hours, I knew nothing
>the FBI thinks I know something and are fucking dicks
>get my name taken off the school registry and get moved to another dorm across campus

believe it or not, this actually happened.

[Anonymous No.10864989]

>>10858953
>roomate wants cheese sticks
>wants me to hang out with him in the kitchen because he gets bored
>no fuck off
>come on anon, il let you use my laptop
>ok
>watching something on his laptop, not paying attention to him at all
>he starts watching it with me
>sudden burning smell
>motherfucker filled an massive pot with an entire bottle of oil and put it on max
>to fry some stupid cheese sticks
>pot full of oil is on fire
>air extractor is on fire
>cupboard is half on fire
>sudden black smoke
>phone doesnt work for some reason (probably on fire too)
>panic, run to the neighbor ask for phone to call the police
>call the police, they tell me to call the firefighters and hang up
>what the fuck is the firefighters number???
>rush back inside
>kitchen floor floded with oil, gigant pot in the middle
>fucker threw the pot to the floor, then used a dirty cloth to extinguish the fire
>ripped the air extractor from the wall too, its broken and burned beyond repair
>we pick up the air extractor, open the window and just throw it outside
>i make him clean the fucking kitchen
>his shoes (my shoes) where fucking half melted so we had to throw them out too
it wasnt even the first fire the retard started

[Anonymous No.10864995]

>>10864129
I smoke tons of weed , I am also honest

[Anonymous No.10865009]

>>10864989
I've been cooking since I was little and have never started one fire. How do these retards survive?

[Anonymous No.10865096]

>>10859901
Wait, this is for humans? fuck Fuck FUCK
I used it on my dog
is he gonna die?

[Anonymous No.10865099]

>>10865096
Do europeans really wipe their dogs asses?

[Anonymous No.10865117]

>>10864329
Damn it, nah I'm in Texas.

[Anonymous No.10865131]

>>10865099
No, they use a bidet

[Anonymous No.10865134]

>>10865131
a human bidet or a dog bidet?

[Anonymous No.10865165]

>>10860743
>NOBLE
WE WUZ KANGZ

[Anonymous No.10865179]

>>10864987
>believe it or not, this actually happened
your room mate selling weed isn't that far fetched anon

[Anonymous No.10865200]

>>10863868
That's extremely common, it's not local to any one place

[Anonymous No.10865205]

>>10859927
you'd think that if this was the misunderstanding it would have come out rather quickly in the conversation, rather than going to the company's website to verify that it is for humans.

[Anonymous No.10865208]

>>10859311
based

[Anonymous No.10865224]

>>10864329
Why are most risque bottoms Canadian?

[Anonymous No.10865237]

>>10864084
But it's an online game anon you and I both know that you can't pause those

>>10864195
Wow I really made you mad huh, kinda proud of myself desu. To expand I obviously cleaned up the mess when I was done. But who would just sit and watch a pot boil over without turning off the heat? It's just a twist not rocket science. You must really hate helping people out if they forget little things. Sad.

[Anonymous No.10865283]

>>10860743
Yes, same as before, it's for dogs.

[Anonymous No.10865301]

>>10865237
>But it's an online game anon you and I both know that you can't pause those

Stop playing before you start cooking then.

>>You must really hate helping people out if they forget little things. Sad.
Leaving food unattended in the kitchen isn't "forgetting little things", it's "being a huge idiot".

[Anonymous No.10865351]

>>10862008
Wew. Are you sure he isn't legit suicidal and needs help?

[Anonymous No.10865384]

>>10861706
Sounds like none of you are adults to begin with but manchildren desu

[Anonymous No.10865391]

>>10865351
Needs to be helped into a dirt nap maybe

[Anonymous No.10865392]

>>10859901
Add me in the screencap

[Anonymous No.10865405]

>never had a roommate, always lived with family
>learned to be responsible and take care of a house
>fun times all around, no stress of seeing people I don't know, in my house
>no waking up to crazy stupid shit
Honestly I lucked out

[Anonymous No.10865426]

>>10862008
Is he like an arsonist maybe? Like medically compulsively lights shit on fire arsonist? My bro went to prison for arson once (he was squatting in an abandoned building/warehouse place and lit a canpfire to stay warm that cost him 2 years) he said he had to go through some social program for arsonists like what DWI people have to go through and that he was surprised his kind of case was not all that common most people in jail for arson have compulsory need to burn shit which is why arson can possibly be a life sentence

[Anonymous No.10865445]

Not many stories, but my previous roommate had a girlfriend who was loud as hell during sex. Many times to the point where it woke me up in the middle of the night.
Loved my roommate though, only guy I'd be able to live with. I feel better when living alone though.

[Anonymous No.10865448]

i dont think I can make a horror story about someone who basically drank whole value sized bottles of ketchup everyday. its only a fraction of what makes it a horror story the rest isnt /ck/ related. dude is probably over 400+ pounds.

[Anonymous No.10865454]

>>10865448
I don't get what drives people to do something like this. First, how can they afford it, second, is it actually satisfying? Is it just some sort of addiction?

[Anonymous No.10865457]

>>10860181
Based retard.

[Anonymous No.10865462]

>>10865454
>can't imagine being able to afford a bottle of ketchup every day

[Anonymous No.10865463]

>>10859872
This desu.

If anything the part where he knocked him out cold should set off anyone's bullshit alarm.

[Anonymous No.10865488]

>>10865462
Lets assume it's $6
That's $6 for JUST the kechup. What the fuck else is he eating you retard, that's the question, Jesus Christ we aren't asking if it's just ketchup, fuck you for being so stupid

[Anonymous No.10865493]

>>10865454
It's an addiction I met a guy I gave rides to at a newer job when I first moved out of state guy was clearly 350+ pounds. Would constantly bitch about his dickhead roommate who was super controlling and would drop him off at the bar up the road from his place most days because he needed a drink to deal with her and she was irrational about him drinking I'm the house. Had no reason to doubt him and everyone at work seemed cool with the guy. About a month in the guy gets fired for shifty credit card shut waitstaff tries to pull sometimes.
Turns out a manager of a different department was letting him stay there rent free out of the kindness of her and her husband's heart, they met in AA and were raging alcoholics so the only rule they told the guy was not to bring beer or booze into the house as it would tempt either of them. Apparently this guy broke that rule alot and generally got back from that bar completely shitfaced frequently, ate everything she had in her house like she said he would eat whole garlic cloves raw it was so bad. That manager was super cool too and her husband would grow the spiciest peppers he would just give to me for free because he liked gardening and knew I liked making food. Looking back the guy clearly had addiction and mental issues he used beer and food to cope from.

[Anonymous No.10865494]

>>10865454
im talking about Heniz ketchup so its super sugary stuff (learned ketchup taste can different in other countries) also its not expensive especially if you buy it in bulk. this stuff is eye singeing in large doses it probably could pass for a drug.

and now you know why the US is NOW jumping on sugar tax. they fuck with me now my arizona teas and juices are expensive

[Anonymous No.10865498]

>>10865488
lol look dude I'm not judging you for not having $6 a day to spend on whatever you want. But seriously, can you not even fathom that some people do have that?

[Anonymous No.10865499]

>>10865488
And it's usually not just their paycheck paying for things like with Al/ck/ they take advantage of other people's kindness if needed

[Anonymous No.10865503]

>>10865498
That's $180 a month on ketchup alone that's an entire week's worth of meals for most people

[Anonymous No.10865524]

>>10865503
like.... you do know that there's heroin addicts out there right? How much do you think that costs? It's hilarious how incredulous you are that someone can afford a ketchup habit

[Anonymous No.10865525]

its 4$ a bottle dude and even cheaper in a bundle.
kids spend more money on fucking lunch room meals

[Anonymous No.10865531]

>>10865488
So what I'm getting from this post is you've never been to a grocery store in your life

[Anonymous No.10865562]

>>10859901
amazing

[Anonymous No.10865588]

>roommate eats nothing but mac and cheese
>as in just macaroni with shredded cheese added on top
>been talking to me about going vegan
>literally never seen him eat a vegetable outside chips
I kinda want to see him try just to see how long he will last.

[Anonymous No.10865591]

My old roomie and I are still good friends but we just weren't meant to live together. It pissed her off when I would mow the yard while tripping on acid or bring home dopewhores, she pissed me off by trying to enforce a "mandatory movie night" and frequently damaging my cookware because she's fucking useless in the kitchen. But here was a particularly bad night
>be me, in bedroom on acid
>comfy, watching walls pulse
>roommate is cooking something while watching a Chef John video
>smell something burning but idgaf
>suddenly she screams
>FUCK
>FUUUUUCK
>FUUUUUUUUUUUCK
>go to investigate, still not really giving a shit
>see that she scorched my pan trying to make caramel
>she also burned her hand pretty bad because she panicked and tried to grab the pan instead of the handle
>she's crying because she knows I'm gonna be upset
>I'm high as fuck so I just calmly tell her she has ruined my night and I wish I had never met her
>go back to room as she screams and curses at me
>we both forget about the pan still being on the heat
>eventually sets off smoke alarm and my trip is further ruined
>we don't speak to one another for more than a week
I'm not sure which of us was more or a nightmare roommate desu.

[Anonymous No.10865593]

>>10862095
T. Nasty ovenman

[Anonymous No.10865651]

>>10863209
Snitches get stitches faggot

[Anonymous No.10865683]

>>10862174
No I get it. In normal life I’m pretty calm but online shooters turn me into a shrieking autismo. Experiencing deep,unreasoning fury in a relatively safe and consequence-free way is fun in its own way. An adrenaline rush.

[Anonymous No.10865692]

>>10865591
I’m laughing out loud, my man.

[Anonymous No.10865704]

>>10865099
We don't like having dog shit all over the furniture and carpet from the dog sitting down with a shitty ass

I guess in America, it's normal for your sofa to have dog fecal matter imprinted into it?

[Anonymous No.10865721]

>>10859311
based

[Anonymous No.10865729]

>>10859887
My gf did that once

[Anonymous No.10865733]

>>10865591
did you ever jerk off infront of her

[Anonymous No.10865735]

>>10865498
>>10865524
But is it just fucking ketchup that's what we asked. is he just guzzling it alone or was there other foods he was devouring, why do you keep ignoring the question

[Anonymous No.10865744]

>>10865531
>Hurr money is the same around the world
I'm hoping you will forever stay in the same 5km for the rest of your life.

[Anonymous No.10865751]

>>10865525
Read
>>10865744

[Anonymous No.10865758]

>>10865735
Well based on common sense there must be at least a little bit of other food or he would die. But I don't see how this is relevant to my mockery. This guy doesn't understand that it's possible to afford a normal diet PLUS $6 a day

[Anonymous No.10865792]

>>10861766
>taking in a nate

Ha you deserved all the shit you got you dumb fuck.

[Anonymous No.10865793]

>>10865733
Nah but I walked to the bathroom in boxers with a hard dick and she told me to put some pants on. I told her to show me her tits so it would go down.

[Anonymous No.10865795]

>>10865704
Oh, yeah, thats pretty normal desu. Where do you think Milton Hershey came up with the idea for Hershey Kisses? He was sitting in his Parlor with his black lab named Cocoa and noticed she was leaving these little dollops of shit on his white leather ottoman and *bam* he went to the factory and had them made the next day. They were quite the gag gift among the rich and elite, iirc Carnegie would order 10lb bags to give away at his many fancy balls and soire's.

[Anonymous No.10865815]

>>10865729
>gf
get out homo

[Anonymous No.10865859]

>>10865758
Youre autistic. He was wondering if he eats that much ketchup how extreme are his other meals as well?

[Anonymous No.10865895]

>>10865859
Ketchup isn't a meal to begin with you autist

[Anonymous No.10865909]

>first year at uni
>sharing a flat of 5
>one is Italian
>italianbro is cool but a little odd
>walk into the kitchen high as shit one night (maybe like 2am) and Italinabro's Italian friend is visiting from Italy land
>start shooting the shit
>italianbro has been eating something while we talk
>im too high to notice
>eventually realise he's spreading something with butter
>look down and see he has a pack of smoked salmon
>mfw this motherfucker is just slicing salmon and spreading butter on it
>smoked salmon with a shit load of butter

why are europeans like this?

[Anonymous No.10865914]

Nothing too bad desu
>didnt do dishes ever
>rarely took out trash
>usual shitty roommate
The only thing that really stood out was when we first moved into the place
>he stops bathing
>sleeps in living room instead of own room
>after a week of this his stench is unbearable
>in a drunken rage I tell him to take a god damn shower and sleep in his own fucking room
And he did
Also the upstairs bathroom smelled like straight up piss from him somehow

[Anonymous No.10865921]

>>10865909
sounds based desu

[Anonymous No.10865934]

>>10865909
Sounds keto

[Anonymous No.10865938]

>>10863148
>be a piece of shit
>roommate politely reminds you you have a responsibility waiting in the kitchen
>get mad and complain about it in a "horror stories" thread
You're a dumbfuck, useless piece of shit, I'm sure your spaghetti with hotdogs and ketchup went great with your can of monster and your 6 hour session of fortnite you fucking mistake.

[Anonymous No.10865939]

>>10862265
>2 knives
take better care of your knives retard, this is how they end up unsharpened and then people get injured using them

[Anonymous No.10865941]

>>10865909
Wish I had a roommate like that

[Anonymous No.10865963]

>>10865859
That's actually not what he said at all, but OK since you're a retard too I'll argue with you now.

A "value size" bottle of Heinz ketchup has 64 oz, and it's 38 calories per oz, so that's 2432 calories in ketchup alone. So this person would not have to eat a lot of other extreme meals. He could just eat a basic normal diet, plus 64 oz of ketchup per day, and be pretty damn fat.

[Anonymous No.10865964]

>>10862277
>get a super bitch of a 911 operative that refuses to send cops back because entering my room against my will isn't breaking a private property law
deprivation of liberty
basically by not letting you leave you where being kidnapped

[Anonymous No.10865965]

>>10865941
everyone in that flat was fucking disgusting. I think i cooked twice in my flat the whole year. No one would clean anything and it was always filthy, used to make my friends gag if we were ever grabbing something from my flat.
another one of my flatmates ordered like a thousand ping pong balls to play beer pong with and just left them all in the kitchen
another was vegan and would eat carrots covered in ketchup

nice people, but jesus christ people are animals

[Anonymous No.10865991]

>>10859901
I've seen tissues for animals shit and whatnot, I can't blame him. Moreover the branding indeed looks weird.
You have meat cuts for dogs as well in the food pet aisle, doesn't mean you'd buy it to cook for your dinner although it's a normal pieces of meat either

[Anonymous No.10866027]

>>10865134
A dog bidet silly, if you have the license of course

[Anonymous No.10866047]

>>10866027
does having access to a bidet increase or decrease dogs' tendency to smell each others butts?

[Anonymous No.10866056]

>>10866047
I would say decrease, but it doesn't really matter anyway since the dogs usually lose interest in sniffing after waiting for both owners to show each other and the constable our dog walking licenses

[Anonymous No.10866069]

>>10859031
>>10860011
>>10863209
>>10862265
Shit like this makes me fucking glad i live by myself.

[Anonymous No.10866074]

>>10866069
>Moving in with a friend
>"Hey dude can I bring my gf?"
I've made a terrible mistake

[Anonymous No.10866086]

>>10864116
I too, have a psycho room mate.

>me and gf move in with another couple
>everything OK then stupid shit starts happening
>they get new fridge freezer, say we can use a shelf if we like
>we do
>they start moving all of our stuff around
>confront them about fucking with our stuff
>"well anon, we got the fridge for us so we just feel like you're taking over"
>move our stuff back out of fridge
>couple weeks later, go on holiday to celebrate significant birthday, before we left we had lots of cards which we put out on our shelf
>come back after a week
>all of our furniture and ornaments have been moved
>cards taken down and thrown into our room
>whatever
>every couple of weeks roommates have full on shouting matches with each other
>makes everything super awkward
>every time they argue the guy starts acting out by fucking with our stuff.
>things getting moved
>washing machine gets turned off mid cycle
>lamp gets broken
>a model kit I was working on gets thrown across the room while we are out and smashed to bits
>our freezer gets turned off and we lose a month's worth of food
>if me and gf are in common area and he's on his own he will leave and refuse to come back until his gf comes in with him
>have literally watched him text his gf and tell her to come sit with him as soon as I enter room with my gf
>everytime we cook, no matter what kind of food it is, he will make a big show of flinging every window and door open and turning the extractor up to full blast
>when he decides to fry up 2kilos of garlic and fucking kippers though, he deliberately shuts every single window.
>kettle breaks
>no biggy, I just get ours out of storage and use that instead.
>he refuses to use it
>would rather stand watch a pot of water come to boil on the stove than use our kettle

Thank god we're leaving in a couple of weeks.

[Anonymous No.10866103]

>>10862174
I do the same with LOL but never angry, just kind of screaming when I'm getting chased

[Anonymous No.10866214]

>>10864989
>what the fuck is the firefighters number
where the fuck do you live that the emergency services don't have a unitary number?

[Anonymous No.10866220]

>>10866214
and the police can't just transfer you to the firefighters. they just hang up on a person in an emergency

[Anonymous No.10866237]

>Looking desperately for a new apartment
>Former roommate was a quite decent and cool black guy that slowly fell for the SJW/tumblr black pride memes
>Dude went from a Motörhead-listening Urkel to full WE WUZ KANGZ in the span of a semester
>If I tried to leave because of his attitude, I'd probably be branded as a racist and fuck up my whole life from that point forwards, so I managed to leave by citing financial reasons (not entirely false)
>Find a house to share with 5 other people, closer to the campus
>It's old as hell but large and serviceable, inhabited by 4 gamer neckbeards and a covert hipster
>Neckbeards are actually ok; they live off cheap beer and Great Value soda, pizza, cracker nuts, and Little Debbie swiss rolls, but they actually throw their shit on the garbage at the end of the day, and barely make a noise apart from the ever-present crunch of the cracker nuts and the occasional rage-fueled curse
>Hipster, however, seems to make an effort to be a cunt
>Plays music loudly all day long despite our complaints and warnings from Neckbeard Alpha (the actual owner of the house)
>Only washes his dishes and pans once a week, but talks shit about people who leave a dirty plate soaking in the sink
>Actually tries to cook Tasty recipes, somehow achieving little to no success on what's basically meme cookery for dummies
>Touched by Tasty's greatness , he decided to create a new recipe, and made an avocado/cilantro/bacon dip monstrosity that not even the neckbeards, who live off grease and various forms of sodium, would touch after the 1st taste
>Calls himself a foodie, literally can't taste the difference between garlic/onion, quail/chicken, or gouda/parmesan, among others
>Literally looks like a short, pudgy pic related

Everyone is literally waiting for the moment his lease runs out to kick him to the curb. Alpha hasn't done it because he refuses to pay the fine for breaking the contract.

[Anonymous No.10866416]

>>10865963
>>10865758
>>10865895
Oh you're shitposting

Fuck you

[Anonymous No.10866457]

>>10862174
If you ate fewer veggies you would have higher test. Then you would understand.

[Anonymous No.10866481]

>>10858953

>live with a qt geeky blonde with nice milkies
>she wouldn't give me fucc because she had a bf and would be "wrong."
>And yet would initially bend over in front of me and spread her legs when she wore skirts
>I know damn well she saw me looking

My balls were next level blue. If that's not a horror story I don't know what is

[Anonymous No.10866491]

>>10866237
Jesus dude, teach that Fuck a lesson. It's all of you against him, break his shit and have all of you say he did it to act out.

[Anonymous No.10866510]

>>10859311
based

[Anonymous No.10866511]

>>10861866
Why did the stock make him shit?

[Anonymous No.10866568]

>>10866491
>break his shit and have all of you say he did it to act out
We thought about it, but it's not worth the effort for the potential trouble. He will be gone in a few months, lives in the smallest bedroom, and all his belongings are, literally:
>1 yellowing (we think he never washed that thing) hammock he sleeps on, plus pillow and blanket
>One overbed table he bought from a flea market, upon which seats a 2010 MBP he uses to basically listen to music and watch porn
>A trunk in which he keeps his clothes, soap/shampoo, and other shit
>A small potted plant in the windowsill
>A hamper for used/dirty clothing

Avoiding the hassle of police coming over to investigate/interrogate us over the destruction of what is basically a high class hobo dwelling is a better deal, overall.

[Anonymous No.10866576]

>>10862044
Megachads are horrifying creatures.

[Anonymous No.10866578]

>>10866568
Oh, I see why he is such a cunt. That is one sad existence

[Anonymous No.10866614]

>>10865224
Who cares? Just fill the hole hole filler

[Anonymous No.10866635]

>>10862371
>t. State worshipping bootlicking faggot.
I hope end up wrongly convicted of rape

[Anonymous No.10866638]

>>10861414
>Needles to say
is this some sort of meme I'm missing out on or are you just that stupid.

[Anonymous No.10866646]

>>10866614
Would when I'm able to have a vacation there.

[Anonymous No.10866657]

>>10860195
>, I find Chinese girls really attractive

[Anonymous No.10866660]

>>10861932
holy shit kek

[Anonymous No.10866662]

>>10861274
you're a funny guy anon, a funny guy

ty
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbQVhKJIa0E

[Anonymous No.10866664]

>>10866086
Why are you taking it like a little bitch? Either kicking his ass or let him plow yours at this point.

[Anonymous No.10866665]

>>10866646
Call me when you do

[Anonymous No.10866672]

>>10862371
aw someone hates a good story

[Anonymous No.10866679]

>>10866665
Gib info pls

[Anonymous No.10866715]

>>10858953
my mouth-breather roommate in college once sandwiched a jif peanut butter cereal bar between two chocolate chip poptarts. Him eating it sounded like stomping in a puddle of goo that can also respirate.

Also my old housemate ruined two of my nonstick pans with a metal spatula.

[Anonymous No.10866745]

>>10866679
Hit me up on Grindr when you're in the greater Toronto area. I'll put some /ck/ memes in my profile so you'd know it's me.

[Anonymous No.10866752]

>>10866745
Sounds good then.

[Anonymous No.10866756]

>>10865503
try an entire months worth of meal. How the fuck do you spend $180 a week on food?

[Anonymous No.10866808]

>>10864424
Huh?

[Anonymous No.10867069]

>>10865591
kill yourself degenerate

[Anonymous No.10867073]

>>10865909
why do americans always do drugs
i honestly hope you all die

[Anonymous No.10867204]

>>10866638
its a doggie dog world out there anon

[Anonymous No.10867247]

>>10867069
>talking shit after the bump limit
Yeah, you thought I wouldn't catch you, but I did, fuckboy. Get a personality of your own instead of parroting what people on 4chan pretend to believe. And do some drugs while you're at it.

[Anonymous No.10867343]

>>10867247
>>10867069
Lmao I love bump limit arguments, the like sudden death melee with who can deliver the last shit last

[Anonymous No.10867489]

>>10865591
>It pissed her off when I would mow the yard while tripping on acid

[Anonymous No.10867657]

>>10864226
I lived with my cousin and he got mad at me when he missed work or was late because I didn't wake him up and drive him to his job. How the fuck am I supposed to know his work schedule for one, and two I only gave him a ride sometimes when I felt like it, but apparently I owed him this favor every single time

[Anonymous No.10867846]

>>10862371
Lmao bootlicking /pol/ autist faggots like this need to be noosed and set on fire

[Anonymous No.10867861]

>>10859744
Was his name Alex?

[Anonymous No.10868038]

>>10866664
It's literally not worth it. They'll act all innocent but as soon as they have another argument it will go back to as it was before. Not worth it.

[Anonymous No.10868080]

>>10861984
>>10862008
>first year Uni
Bull fucking shit. No one who manages to finish school is dumb enough to gas and/or cremate themselves, not know what fucking yeast is, be able to set a kitchen on fire in a few minutes making fucking popcorn, and not understand the very fundamentals of cup-noodle level cooking.

That or you're attending pic related.

[Anonymous No.10868175]

>>10859901
This is why I come here

[Anonymous No.10868292]

>day after huge end of year university party
>everyone is hungover to fuck
>fire alarm goes off at 11am, horrible burning smell coming from the kitchen across the corridor
>everyone evacuated, everyone is pissed off with a huge headache
>turns out the girl in the hall across tried to microwave frozen fishcake
>the packet said to oven cook for 20 minutes, so she set the microwave for 20 minutes
>she was laughing about it when everyone was allowed back in

Honestly one of the most incompetent, annoying people I've ever met