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/ck/ - Food & Cooking


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10816225 No.10816225 [Reply] [Original]

Some companies are content to never innovate and will just continue dumping their shit sauce on us (looking at you Stubbs). Others continue to innovate and bring the world new items that will change the landscape of the hot sauce market.

>> No.10816228

>>10816225
'Vark posting should be an automatic ban.

>> No.10816233

>>10816225
>not making your own hot sauce
Typical ‘Vark faggot

>> No.10816242 [DELETED] 

>>10816225
Sage goes in all fields when replying to shill threads.

>> No.10816575
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10816575

>>10816225
Looks like a moist sloppa shite.
For me it's tobasco, the best scrambled egg hot sauce.
I also put it on this enhanced pizza (pic related) I got at sams club.
They even complimented my shirt there!

>> No.10816684

>>10816228
Embarrassing

>> No.10816694

>>10816575
What's tobasco

>> No.10816835
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10816835

>> No.10818142

>>10816233
>Vark faggot
You don't need to repeat faggot

>> No.10818192

>>10816242
Sage isn't a downvote you dumb newfag plebbitor. Announcing sage has been against the rules for years.

>> No.10818201

>>10816835
>anti-Vark thread gets deleted.
>the numerous other vark threads stay
Makes me wonder if "somebody" is getting paid off.

>> No.10818204

>>10816233
>if you even own a single bottle of store bought hot sauce then you must never have made your own in your entire life

>> No.10818209
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10818209

>>10818201
Take your inane conspiracies back to
>>>/x/
>>>/pol/

>> No.10818211

>>10818209
Ok, Rob

>> No.10818224

>>10816225
>getting sauce in a plastic bottle
for your health I seriously hope you don't do this

>> No.10818238

>>10818224
YOLO faggot

>> No.10818242

>>10818238
shut up bitch

>> No.10818245

Is it shilling or shitposting?

>> No.10818249
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10818249

>>10816225
>what the fuck where do you get that green va..
>oh it’s new

>> No.10818254

>>10818245
It's neither, it's actually genuineposting

>> No.10818257
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10818257

>>10818254

>> No.10818260

>>10816225
Well said, OP. I can't wait to try out this new flavor. Serranos are my favorite kind of pepper.

>> No.10818263

>>10816228
I get banned for less offensive shit than all the 'vark shilling. I will take vegan or CFA bait threads any day over this trash.

>> No.10818272

>>10818263
You get banned for shitposting and you know it. If you don't like discussing food, including hot sauces, then leave.

>> No.10818303

what's so secret about the Aardvark?

>> No.10818305

>>10818303
The secret is how to find it for under $14

>> No.10818311

I unironically just bought the regular, spicy mayo and green trio, for research. I will come back with details. Godspeed men.

>> No.10818319

>>10818311
I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

>> No.10818322

>>10818201
>posts about liking food stay
>posts about not liking food get deleted
almost like this is a board about food

>> No.10818401

>>10818322
Dubs of truth

>> No.10818453

Wow!
I've never heard of this 'vark sauce until I came on this sub, but it seems like an interesting take on hot sauce. And at only $4.99 at my local Kroger I think I might pick up a bottle or two next time I go!

>> No.10818457

>>10818272
I do Gods work son and vark threads make Jesus sad.

>> No.10818468

>>10818457
God and Jesus don't exist, but you know what does? 'Vark sauce.

>> No.10818500

>>10816225
innovation at vark HQ
>Hey guys I added some green chillies to this ketchup... now lets go suck each other off and wait for autistic people to buy our sauce

>> No.10818508

>>10816225
>secret faggot sauce
bringing you new and innovative ways to eat semen

>> No.10818513

>>10818500
It's more than just throwing green chilies into tomato sauce. The Secret Aardvark Serrabenero sauce took us well over a year to perfect. Have you even tried the sauces? They speak for themself. I hope you find it in yourself to give it a chance one day when it comes to a grocery store near you.

>> No.10818517

>>10818508
>I saw this sauce being posted but have never tried it before
>WHAT A FAGGOT SAUCE
sounds like you’re the faggot

>> No.10818526

>>10818513
stop shilling
and fuck off

>> No.10818527

>>10818500
Imagine what it's like being so mad at fake corporate shilling that your butthurt actually becomes the corporate shilling, encouraging people to buy the thing you hate.

>> No.10818529

>>10818468
Sad! 'vark posting is now reddit tier thanks to you. Downboat.

>> No.10818535

>>10818526
I'm not "shilling" I'm merely throwing my hat into the fray of hot sauce discussion on this website.

>> No.10818536

>>10818526
>gets trolled by obvious trolls
>???

>> No.10818537
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10818537

>$23 leafbux
Is this a fucking joke?

>> No.10818542
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10818542

Honestly, I was hoping my last sauce thread would get picked up because this is really the be all end all for me. 6 mil units, chocolate habenero, and not sweet. It's really the tops and if you can't handle the heat, get used to it because it'll change your life. Seriously mind blowing stuff.

>> No.10818544

>>10818537
>Is this a fucking joke?
only if you actually buy it

>> No.10818547

>>10818537
Try ordering it directly from secretaardvark.com

>> No.10818549

>>10818513
Ok LARPer I'll bite.

It seriously took you portland retards a year to figure out how to make green sauce? Jesus christ...

>> No.10818553

>>10818537
Damn dude where did you find it for that cheap? I'm in New Zealand and I paid $31 hobbitbux for my 'vark. Not that I'm complaining. I would have paid more.

>> No.10818554
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10818554

>>10818537
get this instead
not only is it better, its cheaper too

>> No.10818560
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10818560

>>10818554
My niggah

Also throwing my hat in for the superior Louisiana Crystal. Texas Pete and Chollula BTFO

>> No.10818568

>>10818536
it got enough of them riled up

>> No.10818572

>>10818549
Extensive trial and error is the foundation of any good research and development department. Finding just the right ratio of ingredients is pivotal to the long-term success of the hot sauce. We source our Serrano directly from Hidalgo, Mexican and building a repertoire among suppliers and gaining contracts like that takes time.
I'm honestly getting the vibe that you've never invented a dish or sauce from scratch yourself, and that's ok, but don't underestimate the time it takes to truly perfect something. You'd be surprised!

>> No.10818574

>hot sauce
>The actual pepper is the third to last ingredient

Fucking what?! For that much money? Portland should burn to the ground and all their shitty hipster foods with it.

>> No.10818577

>>10818572
You couldn't just ask your mexican neighbor? You took a year to make something subpar to literally dozens of other brands?

Do yall have a single person of color in your testing room or is it just the same bearded hipster dude drinking a milk stout?

>> No.10818582

>>10818574
We strive to create a hot sauce that isn't overwhelmed by spiciness. We want our fans to be able to taste the subtle intricacies of the other ingredients instead of tasting another generic hot sauce.

>> No.10818584

>>10818577
Imagine what it's like actually believing that you're talking to a Secret Aardvark rep on the cooking board of an anime website.

>> No.10818592

>>10818577
You've never even tasted it, but you're calling it sub-par. I didn't realize I was just talking to a troll.

>> No.10818595

>>10818582
>half our sauce is cum from vegans who don't eat spicy food

Calling any of these hot sauces is false advertising

Its just ketchup with some minor ingredients added to it.

I mean hats off to them for making money, but the product is a lie

>> No.10818597

>>10818584
Either way it's sad as fuck. Either it's some dude in a cubicle who's boss was dumb enough to say "yeah 4chan is a great place to shill" or it's some really sad mother fucker who's been here for the past several days larping as a social media manager for a fancy tomato sauce. His posts literally go back weeks.

>> No.10818600

>>10818582
I appreciate your effort, Rob. Kudos to you and your team. For me, the best part is that I don't have to be super careful about how much 'vark to put on my food or distributing it evenly.

With super strong hot sauces you really can't put too much on, and you have to make sure to distribute it evenly so there isn't that one bite that's way hotter than the rest.

I like being able to just slosh on some 'vark without worrying

>> No.10818604

>>10818597
you cannot deny the logic of this post

ROB

>> No.10818607

>>10818597
I'm glad only a few people seem to feel this way. You take care of yourself, you sound like a very angry person.

>> No.10818612

>>10818597
>some dude in a cubicle who's boss was dumb enough to say "yeah 4chan is a great place to shill"
>sad
what's wrong with you

>> No.10818617

>>10818612
He's autistic?

>> No.10818619

>>10818597
>who is boss

>> No.10818622

>>10818597
What's sadder is you going into an autistic rage because of a meme sauce on a Tahitian candle making forum. You are as obsessed about it as the vark shills desu.

>> No.10818634

I mean could you even imagine if this was a legitimate marketing strategy? Holy cow I can see the internet news sites having a field day with this one. "In a bizarre marketing ploy, Portland hot sauce brand found to be marketing product through the known alt right website 4chan."

Then it's going to be one of those moments where the left goes bonkers and starts rehashing all that "Portland used to be the KKK headquarters" shit and suddenly the little aardvark on the bottle becomes a Pepe like symbol.

What even is 2018

>> No.10818653
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10818653

>>10818634
>the little aardvark on the bottle becomes a Pepe like symbol

Oh fuck my sides are in orbit

>> No.10818739
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10818739

>meanwhile at Secret Aardvark HQ

>> No.10818747

>>10818739
wew

>> No.10818762

>>10818634
This is why I'm starting to believe marketing shit on here is actually a thing.
Used to be nobody ever even wanted to admit knowing about this place, let alone advertise on here. A haven for CP and gore and shit.
Now this place is associated with the president of the United States.
What a world.

>> No.10818778

>>10818597
>>10818634
>>10818739

W E W
E
W

>> No.10818782

>>10818634
I live in my mother's basement and my monthly budget is $80. Last month I spent $43 on a bottle of 'vark based solely on the opinions I read on 4chan. So it works

>> No.10818790

>>10818782
Man that is really low. I hope you can see better days soon anon.

>> No.10818793
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10818793

>> No.10818798

>>10818790
I applied for a job posting 'vark threads on 4chan, so things are looking up. Keep your fingers crossed for me, thanks!

>> No.10818810

>>10818790
He has 'vark sauce which is more than a lot of people have so don't feel too bad for him. Some people's wives and bulls ban them entirely from enjoying 'vark which is a fate worse than death.

>> No.10818853

>>10818537
What is that in real money? Like $1 or something?

>> No.10818872

>>10818853
>>10818853
$17.29, so it's actually pretty cheap for a bottle of Secret Aardvark Habanero Hot sauce

>> No.10819423

>>10816835
what if somebody makes a thread about cooking aardvarks? you'll miss out

>> No.10819830

>>10818500
>why don't you just make your own, where's the innovation?

This is one of the most common criticisms of 'vark sauce and quite frankly it's patently unfounded.
Why don't I just make my own?
Because Secret Aardvark Trading Company only use locally sourced ingredients, and to be entirely honest that's the way Scott would have wanted it to be.
The crux of this issue is that the water in Portland has a very, very unique chemical composition. This is largely due to the abnormally high amounts of estrogen added to their water treatment systems, both purposefully added by the city and inadvertently added through the waste water treatment systems' lack of complete distillation and filtration. To put this into perspective Progesterone and other antiandrogen pharmaceuticals are the best selling drugs on the market in Portland. Over 70% of Portland's population, both male, female and other, ingest and secrete these chemicals into the water supply leading to the iconic flavor profile of all Secret Aardvark Trading Company's hot sauces.
This effects the taste of all food in Portland, and that's a good thing, but it also makes Secret Aardvark Habanero Sauce virtually impossible to replicate outside of Portland. One cannot in fact "just make their own".

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