/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.10764151]

Meanwhile at the /ck/ mansion...

[Anonymous No.10764159]

>>10764151
>anon in the living room watching Jack videos all day
>another Anon in the kitchen preparing mcchickens for everyone

[Anonymous No.10764165]

Guys what's the address again? The uber eats guy is bringing me my Bell

[Anonymous No.10764178]

>>10764165
769 aardvark lane.
Come on anon you should know this stuff.

[Anonymous No.10764202]

>>10764151
Who the fuck put dish detergent in the dishwasher!? AGAIN!?

[Anonymous No.10764237]

>>10764202
What the fuck am I supposed to do with it?

[Anonymous No.10764339]

>>10764151
I'm having some girls over you guys mind keeping it down a little.

[Anonymous No.10764443]

>>10764339
>Girls
They better be chicks with dicks anon.

[Anonymous No.10764448]

WHO'S THE DEAD MAN THAT'S COOKING CURRY AGAIN?

IT'S THE 5TH TIME THIS WEEK THIS PLACE SMELLS LIKE SHIT

[Anonymous No.10764453]

>>10764237
Toss in 1 bottle of olive oil, 1 whole can of salt, and scoop out any suds that aren't gone. Then run the dishwasher until all the fucking bubbles are gone down the drain, you goddamn homewrecker. Now I have to use Kitchen #4 on the other side of the floor.

[Anonymous No.10764454]

about to make a micky D run, what do you guys want?

[Anonymous No.10764459]

I'm headed to the movies. Where are the crab legs?

[Anonymous No.10764478]

>>10764443
Of the finest variety

[Anonymous No.10764496]

>>10764151
The ck mansion. Home.

[Anonymous No.10764501]

>>10764151
Why don't we have a uniform set of pans? It's just a random mix of stainless steel teflon and cast iron?

[Anonymous No.10764509]

>>10764496
At least it was before the mods fucked everythang up.

[Anonymous No.10764521]

>>10764448
>having brits in your mansion

[Anonymous No.10764523]

>>10764454
A happy meal but make sure the drink is a Hi-C, also tell them I want the girls toys.

[Anonymous No.10764531]

>>10764151
Guys, I’m jacking it in the pantry to tentacle rape porn.

[Anonymous No.10764536]

>>10764523
Would you let the drunk anons ram your boipussy? Asking for a friend

[Anonymous No.10764537]

>>10764531
Anon get out of the pantry and do it into the curry like a gentleman.

[Anonymous No.10764627]

hey guys, im ordering from the liquor store, what al/ck/ you want?

[Anonymous No.10764635]

>>10764627
Gimme a 40 of OE my dawg

[Anonymous No.10764639]

>>10764627
A triple brewed New England double IPA, my good sir!

[Anonymous No.10764641]

I honestly wish this existed and would live here. I imagine you all would be autistic enough to be friendly to another autistic anon.

>>10764627
Prosecco please

[Anonymous No.10764643]

>>10764627
30 pack of genesee. Grab it out of the walk in. I don't want to wait for cold beer.

[Anonymous No.10764650]

>>10764635
>>10764639
>>10764641
>>10764643
you're all getting strawberry daiquiris and youre gunna like it

[Anonymous No.10764654]

>>10764650
You cunt.

[Anonymous No.10764658]

>>10764151
>for the last time, no dildos in the dish washer!

[Anonymous No.10764665]

>>10764658
Come on. I need to do SOMETHING while I wash the dishes.

[Anonymous No.10764669]

Anon is trying to move in his non-cooking roastie gf to the mansion. What do?

[Anonymous No.10764670]

>>10764151
Ugh guys..one of the sip boys drank every flavor of monster ultra at once and is bending reality again. Wat do?

[Anonymous No.10764675]

al/ck/ here, can I crash just for tonight?

[Anonymous No.10764680]

>>10764675
Sure, but you know the rules. Get the paddle and the hose.

[Anonymous No.10764685]

alright who the fuck ate my chipotle leftovers? i was saving that for lunch tomorrow you fucking faggot

[Anonymous No.10764724]

>>10764675
Just keep it on the DL

[Anonymous No.10764799]

Hey co/ck/s what's for dinner tonight? All we've got is some sardines, a couple cans of monster, a cup of noodles and a leftover McChicken.

[Anonymous No.10764855]

Oops I accidentally burnt oil onto this stainless steel pan

;^)

[Anonymous No.10764865]

>>10764799
Prison goulash, my man

[Anonymous No.10764871]

>>10764724
>staggers into fine china cabinet and pukes all over floor
HEEEUUUUUUUYYYYYY MODS!!!!!! COME CLEAN THIBS SHBIT UP FAGGOTS!!!!!!

[Anonymous No.10764883]

>>10764151

Just popped open another can of Bang's®.

[Anonymous No.10764893]

>>10764871
Fucking kek

[Anonymous No.10764900]

>>10764855
Just give it to the dish bitch and pretend you like him.

[Anonymous No.10764901]

>>10764883
Barq’s

[Anonymous No.10764918]

>>10764871
You’re going to trigger the jannies

[Anonymous No.10764931]

>>10764901
>*breaks bottle
You wanna take this outside barqfag?

[Anonymous No.10764965]

>>10764151
>Downton Abbey - The Childhood Years

[Anonymous No.10764968]

WHO THE FUCK ATE MY PISTACHIOS

[Anonymous No.10764971]

>>10764965
Pro-tip: I fucked all the scullery maids with my syphilitic bepis.

[Anonymous No.10764976]

>>10764151
Who keeps farting on my sourdough starter?

[Anonymous No.10764979]

>>10764931
*teleports behind you and tips fedora*
Nothing personnel, kid

[Anonymous No.10764990]

>>10764968
No one. I threw them away. I needed room in the pantry for my peanuts.

[Anonymous No.10764991]

>>10764968
They were fucking shit

[Anonymous No.10764995]

>>10764979
*blasts lightning out of my hands at you
Let's dance barqy boy.

[Anonymous No.10765024]

>>10764995
*holds you down and pulls down your shorts*
You want a Bangs, I'll give you a Bangs

[Anonymous No.10765026]

A WHISK ISNT SUPPOSED TO BE USED AS A SEX TOY YOU FUCKING IDIOTS!

[Anonymous No.10765051]

>>10765024
I didn't want to resort to this...BUT IT'S MY ONLY CHANCE
SUPER SONIC SHITSOAKER!!!!!
*Blasts a 2 week long binge of beer and buffalo wings out of my ass directly at you.

[Anonymous No.10765079]

Ok you guys really funny... All these shit and cum and who do you think has to clean up after you kids with NO appreciation.

You know the house rules! Put that joey video away

[Anonymous No.10765095]

>>10765079
No one asked you to speak cleaning slave. By the way the upstairs toilet is clogged. Get to it. Chop chop.

[Anonymous No.10765100]

>>10765051
Looks like I don't have to worry about going in dry.
*Shoves dick up your ass*

[Anonymous No.10765118]

>>10765100
faggots should be purged from society. no one will miss 3% of the population.

[Anonymous No.10765123]

>>10765100
B-BAKA!?
*Screeches the dishbitch battlecry
*12 dishbitches form like voltron around me
PRIMARY DIRECTIVE: ELIMINATE BARQFAG
SECONDARY DIRECTIVE: REGAIN MANHOOD

[Anonymous No.10765125]

>>10765100
God damn that got me

[Anonymous No.10765137]

>>10765118
>current year
>not homosexual
I mean, come on anon, are you really that much of a flyover?

[Anonymous No.10765140]

>>10765118
Get out of my mansion

[Anonymous No.10765148]

>>10765123
Do what you must, I've already won.
Time to enjoy a nice, ice cold Barq's
*Cracks can open and sips*

[Anonymous No.10765154]

>>10764151
Who’s enjoying a nice /sip/ lads?

[Anonymous No.10765163]

>>10765148
You b-brought a..a BARQ'S WITH YOU?!
No this can not be!
AHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhh!
*Face melts as the glorious light of the soda shines upon me

[Anonymous No.10765577]

>>10764855
oh, anon!

*hug and kiss*

[Anonymous No.10766219]

Anon get the shotgun and hide the cheese wiz! THEY JUST LET DINOTENDIES OUT OF THE INSTITUTION!

[Anonymous No.10766232]

A-anyone want a Burger?

[Anonymous No.10766274]

>>10765140
Moz not Poz you homo fruit

[Anonymous No.10766288]

>>10764627
Big Svedka

[Anonymous No.10766341]

>>10766288
Roastie detected.

[Anonymous No.10766500]

Apparently quite a few of the women here find my presence offensive, so I've decided to build a device to prevent there from being any misunderstandings. It wasn't too bad at first but after people discovered I browse /r9k/ it got considerably worse. I know I'm creepy and can sometimes stare but please go easy on me as I'm a literal retard.

So, it's going to be one of those sandwich board things, like in Die Hard. It's going to read 'STEER CLEAR, WEIRDO HERE' on the front, and 'I'M REALLY SORRY IN ADVANCE' on the back. The sandwich board itself will be yellow and the text will be black to increase visibility. I've also added a few reflective strips to the edges in case it's dark. I've managed to superglue one of those spinning red alarm light things to a bicycle helmet I'll also be wearing. In case anyone has poor eyesight, I've also attached two horns to the bottom of my slippers that will make loud noises whenever I walk. But sometimes I'll be standing still so I've added a little hook to the side of my sandwich board that I can hang a pan off of with the lid held in place by duct tape. Inside the pan I'll add a few of those little bugs that run around on the floor. The vibration will make lots of noise so people know I'm present. In case that fails and I'm unable to rectify the situation (for example, if I'm wearing oven gloves), I've attached a cymbal from a drum kit and have a Hitachi Magic Wand powered by a few car batteries I can use to make additional noise. There are air fresheners (the ones that look like trees as the dice ones may be considered too sexual) attached to the sandwich board to prevent any offensive smells.

Hopefully the /ck/ ladies won't be so worried from now on. I want you all to feel perfectly safe knowing a robot is living under the same roof as you. I'm sure you'll understand. Thank you and sorry.

[Anonymous No.10766521]

>>10766232
Stop stuttering you absolute faggot.

[Anonymous No.10766561]

>>10764151
I'm building a locked cabinet in which to keep my cookware. If any of you fuck with it I will cut your dick off and rape your mother.

[Anonymous No.10766574]

>>10764627
Just 1.5 litres of white label vodka'll do.

[Anonymous No.10766582]

Why are there so many fucking eggs everywhere? You can't just make eggs and leave half of it sitting around.

[Anonymous No.10766591]

>>10766582
How did they leave the kitchen without breaking all the eggs?

[Anonymous No.10766625]

>>10766500
Which one of you let him out of his Harry Potter cuckshed under the staircase?

[Anonymous No.10766653]

>>10764627
Mad Dog 20/20

[Anonymous No.10766671]

>>10764151
.....It's time to play 'Find the fish!'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Uvt83YWWWY

[Anonymous No.10766679]

Who wants pancakes?!

[Anonymous No.10766688]

>>10766625
To begin, I wasn't 'let out'. That would implying imprisonment. I was in there voluntarily after the laundry incident. Lying low, so to speak. Secondly, I was assisted out from under the stairs because of a mishap with the feeding tube. It became clogged and I was no longer able to receive sustenance so someone cut the padlock (which I voluntarily agreed to have installed) and assisted me out from under the stairs.

[Anonymous No.10766712]

>>10766679
Autism is such a terrible disease.

[Anonymous No.10766740]

>>10766679

[Anonymous No.10766752]

>>10764501
Excuse me but the cast iron belongs to me, and as I am vegan you are forbidden from cooking any meat on it, thank you!

[Anonymous No.10766758]

>>10766712
I agree.

[Anonymous No.10766796]

>>10764675
>>10764724
>>10764871
lmao its funny because its true. Also its sad because its true.

[Anonymous No.10766819]

>>10764627
About 15 ipa's. I want nice large manboobs.

[Mr. Goldbergschekelstein No.10766989]

>>10764151
I'm here to collect the rent for this month which is overdue. Again. And don't tell me you are in a tight spot and your mother needed that money to teach these blind deaf cambodian landmine victim orphans without hands to play the violin.

[Anonymous No.10767012]

>>10766989
Oy veh! Again? You gentiles are bleeding me dry. You'd think paying with the blood of 12 million would be enough but oh no, here comes another shoah. Abraham, get the penny jar

[Anonymous No.10767031]

>>10766989
Our payment of NEET bucks doesn’t come until the end of the month, Mr.Kikenstein

[Anonymous No.10767050]

>>10766712
She's just acting her stage name is cereal paulsy

[Mr. Goldbergschekelstein No.10767086]

>>10767031
That's why I'm here. The rent for this month, which should be payed at the third day of june max, isn't on my account. I don't want to kick you guys out, so just pay goddammit.

[Anonymous No.10767105]

>>10767086
Sorry we're late man but you'll get your money once my band takes off. We're really close, seriously. Just got back from playing at the Rodriguez grad party. We knocked it out of the park.....hey, you got any weed? Could go for a dime bag.

[Anonymous No.10767110]

EGGS

HOW
EEEEeeggs

[Anonymous No.10767198]

>>10767110
Hey, what are you doing with my autographed poster of surly egg fort man?

[Mr. Goldbergschekelstein No.10767208]

>>10767105
>hey, you got any weed?
Selling alcohol and drugs to my tenants? This sounds very interesting.

[Anonymous No.10767212]

>>10767086
We'll get you your money, honest. The youth group down at the community center is having a bake sale with us, I'm sure you can take a cut of the profits.

[Anonymous No.10767264]

>>10764627
Yes.

[Anonymous No.10767269]

>>10764855
I just leave it there. It makes a non-stick surface.

[Anonymous No.10767294]

>>10764151
I'm ordering some pizz, anyone like pineapple on theirs?

[Anonymous No.10767296]

>>10767208
I'm a bit light on cash though, I'll trade you this wifebeater once worn by Anthony Quinn for a bag though. Deal?

[Anonymous No.10767304]

>>10764627
Some PBR, m watching my intake

[Anonymous No.10767848]

>>10765118


Purge yourself since nobody loves you anon. Nobody will care that you are dead, but they will be glad you are gone.

[Anonymous No.10767863]

>>10764627
A bottle of Sauvignon Blanc my guy

[Anonymous No.10767870]

>>10764151
GUYS some person who identifies as an attack helicopter keeps shouting at me for not being vegan

[Anonymous No.10767986]

>>10764865
l-lewd

[Anonymous No.10768445]

*teleports in
BROS!! I'm from the future, the al/ck/ies, they're rebelling! There isn't much time, do what you can to prepare, calling Hiroshimoot, or they'll take us all down with them!

[Anonymous No.10768525]

>>10765026
I've prepped the chili and sea bass, chef!

[Anonymous No.10768534]

>>10768525
Looks bad for real.

[Anonymous No.10768542]

Who the fuck did this!?

[Anonymous No.10768550]

>>10764855

use one of these

[Anonymous No.10768560]

>>10768542

[Anonymous No.10768641]

I ordered some pizza. Anyone want a slice?

[Anonymous No.10768647]

>LOL vEgAnS aRe ReTaRdEd LmAo

[the peanut brittler No.10768667]

I made some peanut brittle

[Anonymous No.10768676]

>>10768647
Fuck!. Someone killed out milk cow. I guess we need to bring in a new milk truck.

[Anonymous No.10768678]

>>10768647
I would tear into that cow with my bare hands and teeth

[Anonymous No.10768751]

>>10768678
Agreed. I too am a member of PETA. People Eating Tasty Animals.

[Anonymous No.10768769]

>>10764669
Get Millionaire Anon who actually owns this place to serve him an eviction notice

[Anonymous No.10768788]

>>10768667
bruhs shes cute af

[Anonymous No.10768798]

>>10768788
I’m not comfortable living with pedos

[Anonymous No.10768810]

>>10768798
The front doors are that way, anon.

[Anonymous No.10768825]

Who invited /pol/ over to the house? Pretty sure they stole my PS4.

[Anonymous No.10768835]

Fuck you all, I'm hiding my set of Global knives in my room!

[Anonymous No.10769201]

Guys can you stay in your room and keep it down? My friends from pol are coming and I don't want to get embarrassed by you guys

[Anonymous No.10769214]

>>10768641
I'm sure the extra protein will attract people from /fit/.

[Anonymous No.10769247]

>>10764871

[Anonymous No.10769279]

>>10768550
>kansas fucking everything up

[Anonymous No.10769280]

>>10764871
Sometimes they listen

[Anonymous No.10769301]

>>10764871

[Anonymous No.10769471]

The mansion dishroom.

[Anonymous No.10769558]

>>10769471

[Anonymous No.10769637]

>>10769201
ill make some sundae ramen for your friends anon

[Anonymous No.10769712]

>>10769471
What the fuck am I looking at here?

[Anonymous No.10769729]

>>10769712
The mansion dishroom.

[Anonymous No.10769741]

WHO THE FUCK ATE ALL MY DEENZ

[Anonymous No.10769745]

>>10769729
Oh, ok. Thanks.

[Anonymous No.10769858]

>>10764627
Bottle of J&B please

[Anonymous No.10770132]

>>10764151

[Anonymous No.10770159]

Let's have a vote on what to watch on Netflix tonight?

I see No Reservations is trending