Charcuterie Thread

[Anonymous No.10687843]

>Charcuterie Thread

[Anonymous No.10688396]

I hardly ever see this shit discussed, but this is the best thing ever invented. I don't know why, but it never fails to be delicious to me.

One time, at a hotel restaurant, I was with a group and I convinced everyone that we should get the charcuterie as the appetizer. Everyone liked the idea, but the time the actual thing came out, everyone seemed skiddish. I think I ate about 90% of the thing. Shit was cash.

[Anonymous No.10688404]

>Grown-up lunchables

I can't take meat and cheese boards seriously.

[Anonymous No.10688408]

>>10688404
Fuck you.

[Anonymous No.10688430]

>>10688404
you talking shit about Lunchables?

[Anonymous No.10688456]

>>10688404
I bet you can't take a whole heap of things seriously beside anime and video games.

[Anonymous No.10688459]

>>10687843

[Anonymous No.10688461]

>>10687843
I mean this one is pretty trash.
What are you supposed to do? pick up that cheese triangle and eat it like a pie? Just pickup the vine of grapes and walk away? like wtf?

[Anonymous No.10688464]

>>10688459
again w/ the whole cheeses, and grapes on the vine, I don't want shit fingers holding the vine down while they peel a grape off, get your shit together clown.

[Anonymous No.10688469]

>>10688459

[Anonymous No.10688477]

>flyovers actually do this
OH NO NO NO

PFAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

[Anonymous No.10688493]

>>10688461
>pick up that cheese triangle and eat it like a pie?

That's brie, you fucking retard.

[Anonymous No.10688497]

>>10688456
Kek

[Anonymous No.10688501]

>>10688493
whats' your fucking point, it's useless served like that unless you want more shit fingers all over your food.

[Anonymous No.10688507]

>>10688501
The point is, brie is served melted, which is then eaten with crackers. You're not supposed to pick it up and eat it, you utter troglodyte. Stick to your fast food threads.

[Anonymous No.10688514]

>>10688507
idiot.

[Anonymous No.10688517]

>>10688501
You've never been anywhere nice have you? Where people are given utensils? Did you expect everything to be finely shredded and placed two finger lengths apart to prevent people from touching each other's food?

[Anonymous No.10688518]

>>10688514

[Anonymous No.10688522]

>>10688517
right, show me how you remove a grape from a vine w/ a single fork, then show me people actually doing that instead of holding it down and peeling it off; this is the worst spread i've ever seen.

[Anonymous No.10688537]

>>10687843
>Charcuterie Thread
>posts cheese and fruit

[Anonymous No.10688542]

>first time trying brie
>no idea how to prepare
>throw it in the microwave
>comes out as literal boiling yellow water

[Anonymous No.10688552]

>>10688522
See this is how we can tell you're an idiot. You have zero creative problem solving skills. You pick up the vine and tap the fork against the grapes dislodging a few on your plate, before placing the vine elegantly back on the board. There, you haven't touched other people's grapes.

[Anonymous No.10688555]

>>10688522
You grab the vine with the other hand and the grape with the other.

[Anonymous No.10688557]

>>10688542
Do you throw all your cheeses in the microwave?
Wait why didn't you just look up what you were confused about?
Wait what cheese are you eating that needs preparation????????

[Anonymous No.10688567]

>>10688522
You have OCD or something? Mysophobia?

[Anonymous No.10688573]

>>10688567
Have you seen what some people do with their fingers and never wash them? It's why disease is so wide spread. Can't trust anyone.

[Anonymous No.10688584]

>>10688573
Are you of Indian descent friend?

[Anonymous No.10688590]

>>10688573
I have no problem as a host being a little crass and having a hand sanitizer right next to the table and suggest people to use it until attacking the finger food but that just might be me.

[Anonymous No.10688591]

>>10688573
I thought disease was so widespread because immunelets like you never expose themselves to anything. Did you plan on touching the grape vine and then sticking your fingers in your mouth instead of using your utensils like a hypocrite? Do you act like a savage and never shake other people's hands? Do you refuse to take the silverware from the basket because someone else took from it?

Go die of the next "superflu" that only kills a few people out of 330 million.

[Anonymous No.10688598]

>>10688573
THIS BOI GOT AIDS

[Anonymous No.10688610]

Quintessentially reddit food.

[Anonymous No.10688642]

>>10688591
>pick a grape
>then use utensils
what
Idiocracy the movie defined right here in your post.

[Anonymous No.10688661]

>>10688642
Are you taking a portion of the vine, picking up the vine and shaking off grapes, or picking grapes off the vine on the board? Make up your cotton-picking mind you savage.

You should either be using utensils or your fingers, not constantly switching between the two, and I hope you're not picking up brie and herbed goat cheese off the board (or plate) with your fingers.

[Anonymous No.10688671]

>>10687843

[Anonymous No.10688677]

>>10688671
>cancer on a plate

[Anonymous No.10688679]

>>10688477
IS this the new 20 year old boomers meme?

[Anonymous No.10688684]

>>10688677
That's some tasty cancer.

[Anonymous No.10688704]

>>10688677
>>10688684
Fuck off

[Anonymous No.10688725]

>>10688704
What? It's pretty carcinogenic, but also delicious. Both those posts are true.

[Anonymous No.10688809]

>>10688725
/ck/ should be tightly concentrated on connoisseurial side of food and cooking.
Get all that health whinge to /fit/ or something.

[Anonymous No.10688812]

>>10688725
>carcinogenic
t.californian

[Anonymous No.10688813]

>>10687843
Do Americans REALLY eat this much food for one simple snack? Jesus...

[Anonymous No.10688817]

>>10688677
>terrified of cancer
>constant use of CBRN gear
>cant go outside in daylight
>eat zero cooked proteins
>all upholstery is hypoallergenic
>drive a modified, hermetically sealed electic vehicle
>dont eat fruits or vegetables as they absorb carcinogens from the ground
I cant rememeber yestersay. Ive called the babulance oneteen times. I cant remember the numbers. I think ive gor brain cancer, help
Help
Help
Help

[Anonymous No.10688819]

>>10688813
You share that shit at least with few other people.

[Anonymous No.10688830]

>>10688813
>being this much of a manlet

[Anonymous No.10688835]

>>10688817
>I'll tell myself everything causes cancer so I don't have to worry about making choices

When do you plan to start smoking?

[Anonymous No.10689711]

[Anonymous No.10689717]

>>10688459
>>10688469
>dried pickles

[Anonymous No.10689739]

>>10687843
Love them, always get one when I travel can't decide between french or italian ones, haven't tried the german ones tho I really want to.
Also
>only10 slices of cold meat

[Anonymous No.10689740]

>>10689711
Do Americans really eat this? Or let their children eat this? Might as well just give them Nutraloaf

[Anonymous No.10689742]

>>10689739
>can't decide between french or italian ones, haven't tried the german
Why bother? You couldn't tell the difference anyway, dumb ogro

[Anonymous No.10689781]

>>10689740
Yes. Despite the fact that Lunchables are made in some nasty ass factory and has more contamination recalls than pretty much any other branded meat product in history (not to mention incomplete nutrition and extremely high salt, even for cured meat), American parents continue to buy them as children's school lunch.

[Anonymous No.10689786]

>>10688459
i have these smoked figs would be good with some Jarlberg cheese and Coppa De Parma, i dont know what i want to serve it on though. any suggestions? like some type of cracker? i want a good neutral because i want to taste all of what i put on it.

[Anonymous No.10689889]

>>10689740
>>10689781
Lunchables are a nice way of saying "I don't love you enough to put cheese and crackers in a bag for your lunch"

[Anonymous No.10689977]

>>10687843
where the fuck is the meat?

[Anonymous No.10689982]

>>10688537
thank you

[Anonymous No.10689991]

Here's one I put together recently.