/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.10630123]

What is your /ck/ shame?

[Anonymous No.10630134]

That I even bother to visit this board.

[Anonymous No.10630140]

>>10630134
wew, fpbp

[Anonymous No.10630181]

>>10630123
I've never cooked fish. Shrimp yes, crabcakes once, but no fish

[Anonymous No.10630192]

I've grilled and cooked many things but I've never made a steak

[Anonymous No.10630194]

My friends and family think Im a great cook even though I have no clue what the fuck Im doing, and zero technical knowledge like hownto make a roux or other basic stuff. Hell I have too look up how long to boil an egg for every time I make one.

[Anonymous No.10630218]

>>10630194
You really shouldn't feel bad. 90% of /ck/ are applebee's fry cooks larping as actual chefs.

[Anonymous No.10630244]

I use this shit every day.
Its not even about the lack of calories or anything I genuinely love the taste

[Anonymous No.10630278]

For some reason, I hate cream cheese even though I have never tasted cream cheese. What does it taste like? Cream?

[Anonymous No.10630284]

>>10630123
I can't bake to save my life.

[Anonymous No.10630288]

I'm the guy who keeps posting
>I needs it bruhs ;_;
threads

[Anonymous No.10630289]

>>10630123
I mixed poop in a cake I baked for people at work.

[Anonymous No.10630296]

I still haven't tried peanut butter

[Anonymous No.10630305]

>>10630278
Kind of sweet and tangy but not as buttery as marscapone, at least if you get the good stuff and not the squeeze packets of philly spread.

[Anonymous No.10630375]

>>10630288
It's kind of grown on me, honestly.
Just as long as you realize that you're a filthy shitposter.

[Anonymous No.10630391]

>>10630288
are you the same guy who used to spam the fucking mcchicken threads

[Anonymous No.10630407]

>>10630123
i eat koolickles on a daily basis
i'm also the guy that does the /fatass general/ threads

[Anonymous No.10630413]

>>10630391
No, but those threads were an inspiration

[Anonymous No.10630458]

>>10630123
I honestly can't work under any sort of pressure at all. The moment you pressure me like "come on, move faster" or "we need those dishes 5 minutes ago" then I will instantly mess up everything I've done so far.

I once worked at a hotel and there were 2 events located at opposite locations and they were both happenning at the same, the pressure was on so all the yelling and shouting must've gotten to me but I brought an entire hotbox full of bain maries to one event, while leaving none for the other event. Suffice to say I got chewed up by my boss and almost everyone involved for fucking up.

[Anonymous No.10630462]

>>10630194
Are you me?

[Anonymous No.10630498]

>>10630123
I've never ate a taco...

[Anonymous No.10630505]

>>10630218
>Applebee's fry cooks
90% of /ck/ has never even set foot in a commercial kitchen. Probably 60% never even uses their own kitchen except to make instant ramen or microwave burritos.

[Anonymous No.10630529]

yesterday i found out that red velvet cake is just chocolate cake with red food dye.

i never knew. i thought it was some kinda spice i didn't know about.

[Anonymous No.10630531]

>>10630505
Does a limited service hotel kitchen count? It was mostly just reheating things in an oven.

[Anonymous No.10630600]

>>10630123
I eat heavily processed food like Tabasco flavored Cheez-Its

[Anonymous No.10630610]

>>10630123
The only thing I can cook is cheese on toast and I'm 29

[Anonymous No.10630615]

>>10630123
i've only eaten Pot Noodles for the past 3 days

[Anonymous No.10630620]

>>10630615
What flavour, lad?

[Anonymous No.10630624]

>>10630620
Sadness

[Anonymous No.10630626]

>>10630498
>I've never ate
apparently you didn't finish grammar school either

[Anonymous No.10630632]

>>10630531
That falls comfortably in the range of applebee's fry cook.

[Anonymous No.10630657]

>>10630610
get help Tim

[Anonymous No.10630675]

I haven't actually properly cooked anything in about 9 months. I was injured in a bad accident and did three rounds in the hospital for seven surgeries and had to move in with a family member to recover. Said family member & roommate are slobs and the kitchen is always a mess, so that combined with my physical condition has had me surviving on frozen burritos, oatmeal and an unfortunate amount of take out.

[Anonymous No.10630680]

I practically never cook anything. I'm not ashamed of it though.

[Anonymous No.10630684]

>>10630620
Chicken and mushroom

[Anonymous No.10630699]

>>10630684
A classic, my nigga.
are you okay though?

[Anonymous No.10630716]

>>10630123
I never buy eggs because when I do, I go through a 5 dozen box in a under a week.
>7 egg omelette
>5 eggs hard boiled, minced, and with salt
>10 egg scramble
>sunny side on buttered toast x4
>3 scotch eggs
>3 raw eggs inside cup of steamed rice
I can never eat just a few at a time.

[Anonymous No.10630725]

>>10630529
Once upon a time it was beet.

[Anonymous No.10630728]

>>10630716
Holy shit, you're this guy!

[Anonymous No.10630735]

>>10630218
>>10630505
Is it fair to say that every board on 4chins has a minority of users who actively pursue the on topic interests while the remainder comprise the ignorant plebs?

[Anonymous No.10630740]

I prefer frozen chicken tenders over making my own

[Anonymous No.10630743]

>>10630735
I wouldn't say every, but I'd say most.

[Anonymous No.10630746]

>>10630123
I never deep fry at home because I'm afraid of the mess :(

[Anonymous No.10630755]

>>10630746
i've only done it a few times because of this + the smell
probably a good thing de su

[Anonymous No.10630758]

>>10630746
Have a set up in your garage so you can avoid this completely.

[Anonymous No.10630764]

>>10630746
I don't because I don't know what to do with the oil after I'm done. Save it in it's own container for future use?

[Anonymous No.10630767]

>>10630764
yeah bud

[Anonymous No.10630777]

>>10630758
I live in a condo. Should I just take my camping stove and a pot of oil down to the parkade?

[Anonymous No.10630779]

>>10630123
I prefer Krackel over Crunch bars.

[Anonymous No.10630780]

>>10630777
It depends how desperate you are for crispy nuggies.

[Anonymous No.10630795]

Put a little baking soda on them and bake em, they come out very crispy

[Anonymous No.10630799]

I like to post threads and responses about a certain restaurant or product and I word it to sound like it's an advertisement for that product. I think it's funny.

[Anonymous No.10630807]

>>10630764
Yeah, strain it and you can get multiple uses out of it.
>>10630746
It's not too messy if you do it right, but it's just a hassle. Especially if you have a small kitchen or don't have a good countertop arrangement.

[Anonymous No.10630870]

I ONLY BAKE IN MY TOASTER OVEN

[Anonymous No.10631952]

>>10630123
I frequently under cook things

[Anonymous No.10632673]

>>10630305
He's never had fucking cream cheese, what makes you think he knows what MASCARPONE is?

[Anonymous No.10633324]

>>10630134
This

I remember how excited I was to talk about cooking with fellow Anons....

fuck all of you

[Anonymous No.10633327]

>>10630777
Do this and take pics.

[Anonymous No.10633330]

>>10630194
This. I have no real skill other than opening up google, searching what I want to eat, and then following the recipe.

People think I'm a god or something when it comes to cooking.

[Anonymous No.10633340]

>>10630123
I thought spice racks and spices in general were just for decoration

>mfw my diet consisted of literally boiled chicken breast or boiled pork chops and random canned vegetables microwaved for first 18 years of my life
>no salt, no pepper
>tasted butter for first time at 22 also

[Anonymous No.10633343]

>>10633330
>being able to google and follow directions
90% of people can't do this simple thing. People think I'm a tech wizard because I can google error codes and follow directions to fix them.

[Anonymous No.10633348]

>>10630123
i've basically stopped buying and cooking meat within the last year. i actively like the flavor and texture of tofu and other faux meat products.

[Anonymous No.10633353]

>>10630746
just put some paper towels down.

[Anonymous No.10633377]

>>10630134
>first time visiting this board
>half the threads are about fast food
>majority are shitposts
>hardly any threads about actual cooking

wtf? this board is embarassing.

[Anonymous No.10633413]

I took culinary in my high school(went to a tech school), learned that I hate cooking, and I still do hate cooking. Yet I keep coming to communities like this one because apparently seeing other people do things I hate is something I enjoy

[Anonymous No.10633421]

>>10633377
OC threads on /ck/ usually prune within 2 hours with maybe 3 replies

[Anonymous No.10633432]

-I eat sushi and sashimi with a fork.
-I can't stand tomatoes and onions by themselves.
-I fuck up cooking bone marrow all the time.
-I freeze my piss in an ice cube tray and use the piss cubes in my drinks.

[Anonymous No.10633436]

>>10630194

man until i started working in a place where we had to bake potatoes every day, i'd freak out about making them at home and poke at them every 5 mins to make sure they were ok. now i just leave them there and i set a personal phone timer for 45 mins at 350 but if i'm busy cooking i'll leave them there for an hour and they're still alright. i've had instances when more forgetful people will leave them in the oven for like 2 hours and the skin is so hard i would think "haha! they never even put them in and they are still raw!" nope the skin is so overcooked it's like cutting into a raw potato. then big boy says, "well inside is edible, still good for service!" luckily this place is nowhere near high end but it's way overpriced for food that is uncared for

[Anonymous No.10633446]

Most of my kitchenware came from the dollar store.

Dollar store chefs knife, dollar store whet stone, dollar store silverware, dollar store plates, cups, cutting board, spatula, etc. The chefs knife is genuinely terrible, but it gets the job done, and I can just buy a new one every year and still save a ton of money.

[Anonymous No.10633454]

>>10633446
You won't save a ton of money when you slice your finger open while struggling with a dull blade.

[Anonymous No.10633478]

>>10633377
It didn't used to be like this

[Anonymous No.10633484]

I tell everyone that I eat meat/seafood only once a month but I have a hardon for Asian foods. I sometimes sneak-eat Korean/Chinese/Vietnamese cuisine, as they have very few vegetarian options. I have serious love for stuff like MaLa dishes/Sichuan food in general, Korean fried chicken or budae jigae. There is a Sichuan joint near my house that serves rare dishes like pig kidney and brain, and I think I will go there by myself to try it out. I wish I could ask somebody to go with me but I do not want to expose myself. A couple nights ago I got extremely drunk and ate chicken nuggets that my friend bought in front of him, sneaking them in my palm and hoping he doesn't see. I feel like he did and just did not say anything and for some reason I feel extreme guilt.

I feel like a total fraud.

[Anonymous No.10633491]

>>10633454
You won't slice your finger off of you don't cut like some soy cuck

[Anonymous No.10633492]

I have an analog meat thermometer that I've tried to bake chicken with a few times. It takes so damn long to get a reading that I always end up undercooking the inside and and scorching the outside. Alcohol might be involved with this.

[Anonymous No.10633500]

>>10630123
My knife skills are fucking trash.

[Anonymous No.10633501]

I have never baked a cake. I am a fatass, no way I can afford those additional calories. Normal cooking is bad enough.

[Anonymous No.10633502]

>>10630123
My liver failed at 23 and I only drank alcoholically for 2 1/2 years

[Anonymous No.10633543]

>>10630735
Yes
The only board where everyone is dedicated to the topic and not just masturbating in a mirror like /lit/ or /sci/ is the animal board.

[Anonymous No.10633551]

>>10630278
It's really good, eat that shit with lox and capers on a bagel

[Anonymous No.10633600]

>>10630123
I despise ketchup and mayo. I exclusively use limes instead of actual spices/salad dressing

[Anonymous No.10633680]

>>10633353
>paper towels
Or you could not be a dumbass and use a splatter screen.

[Anonymous No.10633862]

Im really bad with hygienics, sometimes I edge for 5 hours then make a pastery or something without washing my hands. The pastery gets served to other people. But now I'm aware of I t so it won't happen again.

[Anonymous No.10633893]

That I tell people to eat healthy or they will end up a fat ass degenerate yet I eat like a human pig.

[Anonymous No.10633971]

>>10633454
Actually, the opposite happened. I once knicked a finger nail, but the knife was so dull it barely scratched it. If I had one of /ck/'s Damascus steel, folded six gorjillion times, superior Nippon chefs knife my nail would have been sliced clean through. But because I didnt, there was barely a scratch.

[Anonymous No.10634262]

>>10630134
Yup.

[Anonymous No.10634324]

>>10630716
Joe Rogan?!

[Anonymous No.10634332]

I'm a lazy cook. I've been cooking since I was like 8 because my mom worked and I didn't like preheated food, so I learned to cook. My mechanics are good and everything I cook turns out good or great. However, I don't give a fuck about fancy recipes. I cook the same 10 things. However, I'm a /fit/zen so I'm just trying to hit my macros fast.

[Anonymous No.10634354]

>>10630779
Oh fuck, is that one of those shitty cheapo chocolate things with puffed rice?
Those things made me feel like vomiting as a kid.
>Road trip with family many years ago
>600 km to drive
>Me and my brother each get a large one to snack on during the trip
I kinda still wanted to eat it since it still had sugar in it, but each time I did I just felt worse and worse.

[Anonymous No.10634638]

>>10630134
*this website

[Anonymous No.10634653]

>>10633478
Mods are way to lenient. Threads that barely scrape on the subject of food and cooking are allowed. We even have fucking tabacco threads now. Next up: co/ck/aine and meth general.

[Anonymous No.10634817]

>>10634653
>mods are way too lenient

Careful what you wish for.

[Anonymous No.10634837]

>>10630735
Even porn boards like /gif/ and /aco/ are primarily comprised of people who hate all but one tiny niche of porn.

[Anonymous No.10634890]

>>10634653
This>>10634817
I've gotten 24 hour bans because I was still having fun with others after a thread had been answered.

[Anonymous No.10634893]

>>10634653
/snifboys/ 2018!

[Anonymous No.10634932]

>>10634893
Honestly, it would probably be much more interesting and entertaining than tobacco or al/ck/ threads, but... yeah.. lets not.

[Anonymous No.10634970]

>>10634890
Ive had 3 day globals for typing one mean word in an otherwise informative and helpful post.

So yeah, less is more when it comes to scum like mods.

[Anonymous No.10634981]

I haven't learnt how to cook properly because my stove is electric.

[Anonymous No.10635001]

>>10634817
This

[Anonymous No.10635009]

>>10630194
6.5 minutes for a gooey yolk right? Don't think there's much shame in not remembering it unless you do it often.

[Anonymous No.10635033]

>>10633377
There should really just be a fast food general thread and all posts moved to that. It would clean up the board so much.

[Anonymous No.10635034]

>>10630735
/int/ here
Can confirm

[Anonymous No.10635102]

>>10630123
I suck at baking. I'm better at it than many people I know but I expect more from myself.
Besides that, the only thing I can think of is that I started plating my dinner nicely and making nice pictures of it from time to time to tweet them at a model/entertainer I consider myself a fan of.

[Anonymous No.10635118]

>>10630123
I don't like to cook stuff with hot sputtering oil because it scares me.

[Anonymous No.10635244]

>>10630134
I really like this board in comparison to /tv/, which is where I spend most of my time

[Anonymous No.10635289]

>>10630123
boiled eggs are garbage and a waste of eggs

[Anonymous No.10635437]

>>10635289
>boiled eggs are garbage and a waste of eggs
Your mother sure did waste an egg on you, you overboiled, glaucous, grotty disgrace.

[Anonymous No.10635456]

>>10633680
>use a splatter screen
Those dont work. You will end up with a totally messed up splatter screen and a stove that is maybe 50% less messed up than it would have been without the screen.

[Anonymous No.10635685]

>>10635456
>t. I've never used a splatter screen

[Anonymous No.10635924]

>>10633377
this board is just drunken, fast food eating faggots.

[Anonymous No.10636029]

I've always fucked up making pizza dough

[Anonymous No.10636049]

>>10630296
The fuck

[Anonymous No.10636080]

>>10630123
i'm poor, so i can't cook a lot of food simply because it's expensive for me, and as such i can't get good at it. I mostly make soups or large batches of food because it's cheap, but i rarely have beef or fish, or stuff like sushi or some such, because of the price.
Recently i got a prodige/remoska and started making some cheap cakes, so there's that.

[Anonymous No.10636592]

>>10630123

I'm not sure what kind of oil to re-season my cast iron with :(

[Anonymous No.10636612]

>>10636592
Flaxseed is best, but that "best" is a very narrow margin. Any food-safe oil or fat will work. I'd just use whatever you happen to have.

[Anonymous No.10636726]

>>10630746
Then clean the mess up faggot, do you not cum in or on women because you are scared of the mess?

[Anonymous No.10636946]

>>10636080
Cheap ingredients are still prepared with the same basic techniques as expensive ingredients.

[Anonymous No.10636965]

I cycle from eating horrible greasy food one week, and living on only miso soup and salad the next to 'detox' yet still refuse to just balance my diet

[Anonymous No.10636990]

>>10636946
this desullama

don't let poorfag status prevent you from making good food. eat the seasons, be a jew with sales and coupons.

t. poorfag

[Anonymous No.10637014]

>>10636990
I'd actually argue that cheap ingredients can make you a better cook because you need to learn how to cook around their limitations. Some of the best classic dishes are born of cheap ingredients.

[Anonymous No.10637162]

I seem to be plagued with a 50/50 chance of anything with eggs sticking to the pan or coming off completely clean. I've tried literally every variant of butter or oil possible, ceramic and cast iron pans, but I cannot get it down.

[Anonymous No.10637267]

>>10630123
I don't know how to carve a chicken, and I think it is subconsciously deterring me from buying rotisserie chicken.

[Anonymous No.10637271]

>>10637267
If you're eating it yourself you can just rip it apart.

[Anonymous No.10637313]

>>10630278
bagel and cream cheese is dank bru

[Anonymous No.10637316]

>>10637271
WITH YOUR BARE HAAANDS

[Anonymous No.10637322]

I enjoy spray cheese on original pringles.

[Anonymous No.10637350]

The first time I bought a block of tofu it went rancid and exploded when I opened its packaging, and since then I haven’t tried making anything with tofu.

>>10630758
My dad did that while he was drunk and the garage caught on fire

[Anonymous No.10637355]

>>10637267
Learn to break down a raw chicken first, it holds together better so it's less frustrating.

[Anonymous No.10637971]

>>10633502
damn dude, how much were you drinking?

[Anonymous No.10637975]

>>10637322
sounds pretty good to be honest

[Anonymous No.10637981]

>>10630529
holy fucking shit

[Anonymous No.10638097]

>>10630123
My wife lost her sense of taste after an epileptic fit. I've been putting 15 tbsp of salt in every meal since. I want her life insurance lol.

[Anonymous No.10638253]

>>10630194
>>10633330
How does someone even know if they're good at cooking? What is it that makes someone a "good cook"?

[Anonymous No.10638265]

>>10637162
The key is the heat. If pan is too cold, eggs will stick. If too hot, eggs will obviously overcook. What I do is heat the oil in a cold pan till it's smoking, then I turn it off while I beat the eggs or whatever. Then turn it back on to medium (preferably on a different burner), then wa la

[Anonymous No.10638287]

>>10637313
Put hard salami on top
God tier

[Anonymous No.10638293]

>>10633377
>this board is embarassing.

This is the best board, as close to pinnacle 4chan as you are going to get nowadays on this carcass of a site.

[Anonymous No.10638304]

>>10630123
I can't boil rice perfectly without an electric pressure cooker.

[Anonymous No.10638361]

I make my steak medium well with mushrooms and onions, and a metric shit ton of seasoning to the point that the onions and mushrooms and onions are salty as fuck

[Anonymous No.10638390]

>>10630529
Devils food to be precise. It started out being red because a chemical reaction involving acidity, but now we use dye to make it even redder.

[Anonymous No.10638404]

>>10630725
huh, neat.

[Anonymous No.10638405]

>>10638253
This is an IMO statement so feel free take it with a grain of salt, but I think someone is a "good cook" if they have a solid grasp of basic cooking techniques and can follow up simple to moderately complicated recipes without fucking it up.
I think somebody is a "great cook" when their grasp of techniques and flavors is strong enough that they can follow complex recipes or even improvise from scratch and still make a good meal.
Again, IMO.

[Anonymous No.10638443]

>>10635685
I've used them but they trap moisture in, not good.

[Anonymous No.10638474]

>>10638293
Pretty much. I don't care about food or cooking so much but like the people here.

[Anonymous No.10639403]

>>10636029
>I've always fucked up making pizza dough
500g flour, 350ml water, 5g fresh yeast, 1tsp salt. Knead for 20 minutes with a machine, proof for 8 hours, in the fridge under a soaked cloth if necessary.

[Anonymous No.10639417]

>>10639403
ooops sorry. it was 300ml water and 2 tsp salt.

[Anonymous No.10639446]

>>10630529
The real uniqueness of red velvet is the cream cheese icing
Most chocolate cakes just use regular butter icing
Why does no one ever point this out

[Anonymous No.10639450]

>>10635437
Holy kek

[Anonymous No.10639480]

I can't measure or understand/read most numbers. I can understand like one cup, tablespoon, teaspoon but shit in-between but even then I have to compare what's listed on what I'm reading to my cups. '1' doesn't really register as 'one'. More like 1 is the straight line, 2 is the line that curves to the left and abruptly straightens to the right, etc.

No idea why, numbers just don't register to me. I can barely do basic math and thats even after all the summer schools, after school tutors, etc. Excelled in school except for math.
Can't measure. Never even remembered the phone number I had for 20 years and I have to check my license to remember what year I was born. I also attached a tiny note to it for how old I am. Can't read a non-digital clock and I have little to zero concept of time.

I'm good at guessing but for the fucking life of me I just want to make pancakes for fucks sake but I've never been able to make a decent pancake. I have no idea how I've survived so long.

[Anonymous No.10639524]

This is exactly the same as the confessions thread. This board has no focus

[Anonymous No.10639577]

>>10630289

how has nobody requested details on this

i need this story in full greentext

[Anonymous No.10639583]

>>10639480

p sure thats called dyscalculia

[Anonymous No.10640272]

>>10630194
>i have to look up things to see how i must cook them instead of asuming I will know the process on the run
How is this bad?

[Anonymous No.10641540]

>>10634653
Mods shat on /a/ killing our cozy /b/ with /a/ pics, because newer boards like trash were introduced. You don't want it happen with /ck/, discussing cooking stuff in /trash/ or /qa/.

[Anonymous No.10641568]

>>10640272
Seriously, if you can follow a recipe you've got a leg up on quite a lot of people already.

[Anonymous No.10641580]

I take sips of zesty Italian salad dressing

I don't care anymore

[Anonymous No.10641592]

I have never chopped a vegetable in my life (32)

Should really learn to cook so I stop eating fast food or ready made meals, but I'm usually either too apathetic, or too drunk to care by dinner time.

[Anonymous No.10641612]

>>10630244
I'm weak for shitty spray butter too. Not only does it taste good, but I'm lazy as fuck.

[Anonymous No.10641657]

I am 560lbs
Really its disgusting. I am actually too fat to cook good meals. so only eat takeout and microwave food and candy and fruits

>Stir fry
The motion tires me out
>Baking
My arm is always sweaty so putting it in the hot oven is unbearable and makes me sweat and become really stinky. I have sweat stains in the oven from trying this a few times
>Boiling
I can't grip complex shaped vegetables like broccoli, and drop them into the hoter water which burns me. I can boil some veggies though and do try it, like potato and carrot
>sous vide
don't have the speed and reactions for this.
>pressure cooking
sometimes this works but often its too heavy to lift after and I might drop it
>Stewing
too tiring to stand and watch it
>bbq
forces me to stand outside
>steam
I am scared of doing this because last time I tried steaming some veggies in a bamboo steamer, I accidentally sat on the steam and got splinters in my asshole

i do cook veggies in the microwave and meats and fish

[Anonymous No.10641734]

i dont know how to grill meat or fish. most of my actually decent meals are basically just sauteed vegetables and even then it's mostly just soy sauce and oil and cayenne or chili and calling it a day

also i make "soup" by basically just simmering stuff together for only like an hour until the water goes away, i dont make a roux or use animal fat or anything. it's really more just mushy vegetables in potato water than soup when i make soup

[Anonymous No.10641746]

>>10641657
Bloody hell lad, how do you afford to eat enough to get to that weight?

[Anonymous No.10641784]

>>10634653
>We even have fucking tabacco threads now. Next up: co/ck/aine and meth general.
have you not noticed that al/ck/ is gone and people who post about alcohol are basically banned on sight?

[Anonymous No.10641787]

>>10633543
You're forgetting about /po/, the board with the least amount of shitposts and off-topic

[Anonymous No.10641793]

>>10641657
>stirring a pot is too much labor for this 560lb ""man""
america.txt

[Anonymous No.10641801]

>>10641657
I can't even comprehend how fat your hand is and how tiresome it must have been to write this pamphlet with it.

[Anonymous No.10641822]

everyone in my family think's I'm a fucking idiot and never eat anything I cook for them.
I made a really good curry dish for my family, I had agreed to make dinner for everyone, and my sister had the fucking nerve to use the kitchen while I was making food to make herself something and then my parents had leftovers instead when I was about to serve them because they "wanted something easier". Fuck you guys I am making fucking food for you.

[Anonymous No.10641832]

>>10630134
Good job, boyo

[Anonymous No.10641918]

>>10641657
>don't have the speed and reactions for this.
I.. what? Restaurants love sous vide cooking because food maintains its quality for hours.

[Anonymous No.10641986]

>>10641918
Pro-tip: it's an elaborate shitpost.

[Anonymous No.10642342]

>>10630123
I don't peel string cheese, don't break apart kit Kat bars and put milk in the bowl first

[Anonymous No.10642548]

>>10630716
Wtf. I am using eggs to get fat for my diet and I never need to go over four a day.

[Anonymous No.10642585]

>>10633343
>>10633330

Pro life tip: Recognize this reality. The bar for being a "good" or "competent" human is absolutely shockingly low. Realize this, overcome the horrifically low standard, and you'll be a God among men.

>1% of people think
>2% of people think they think
>97% of people will go to absurd measures to avoid thinking

[Anonymous No.10642659]

>>10630296
don't do it bro
i ate some and died last week
I am a ghost now

[Anonymous No.10642677]

Ketchup and spaghetti

[Anonymous No.10642683]

>>10642659
Spoopy

[Anonymous No.10642684]

>>10642585
this is the most reddit post I have read today

[Anonymous No.10642690]

I dont actually know any recipies. I just sorta make shit up as I go. generally goes well but on the other hand dont ask me how I made anything because I honestly couldnt tell you

[Anonymous No.10643622]

>>10639480
>for the fucking life of me I just want to make pancakes for fucks sake but I've never been able to make a decent pancake.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUnYJCdTLiY

She fucked up a little with the measurements (use one tablespoon of sugar, not of salt of course) but otherwise it is a really good recipe.

[Anonymous No.10643741]

I dip my fries into my Pepsi, my friends think im mentally dumb in the noggin.

[Anonymous No.10643748]

>>10630123
I can't nail a basic rice pilaf, it's the bane of my existence.

[Anonymous No.10643751]

>>10630529
WHAT

[Anonymous No.10644109]

my kitchen is absolutely disgusting
i clean the cooker top maybe once every few months
dishes get done properly maybe once a week, otherwise i just clean what i need
i've lived here 3 years and have never once cleaned the inside of the oven, it smokes so much i won't ever use it
there is a layer of grease (and dust) on pretty much everything within a metre of the cooker
it probably stinks but i don't go out so i'm used to it
haven't cleaned the kitchen carpet properly since i moved in, have just vacuumed it a few times
that's right, i said kitchen carpet

[Anonymous No.10644415]

>>10630278
Then taste it you fucking retard. Buy some salmon, toast some fucking bagels, spread some cream cheese on a bagel, put salmon+pepper+lemon on top. Best thing ever.

[Anonymous No.10644441]

>>10643748
okay so it's pretty easy, you dice an onion, add oil stir rice until browned (it will smell good when it's ready) then add onion cook until translucent, add chicken broth 1:2 ratio to rice and cook for about 20 mins at a simmer. if you can cook rice you can make rice pilaf.

[Anonymous No.10644559]

>>10630123
every once in a long while, I like to burn a cheap beef patty into a carcinogenic leathery puck and eat it in a burger with nothing else but an absurd amount of ketchup
it's better than sex

[Anonymous No.10645148]

>>10641657
Post hand

[Anonymous No.10645299]

>>10630529
It's specifically made with dutch cocoa which has higher alkalinity. This causes some reaction that turns it red when cooked but people just fake it with dye now.

[Anonymous No.10645356]

>>10630123
>make all manner of fried foods, pastries, cook with a lot of butter
>people ask how I'm so skinny
>"haha all in moderation with exercise"
>chronic bulimia

H-hah- ha, d-devilish right guys?

[Anonymous No.10645690]

>>10633340
holy shit what is wrong with your parents?

[Anonymous No.10645712]

>>10639480
is this what being black feels like?

[Anonymous No.10645716]

>>10630123
i literally only know how to cook like 5 things and i just endlessly make those 5 things over and over again until i get bored then i eat out for like a week

[Anonymous No.10645721]

>>10639480
What >>10639583 said.
This sounds like "number blindness". You know, like some people are dyslexic and just can't read and write even though they're perfectly smart folks.
Maybe you can find some support groups or something who can help you deal with it. There are some things you can do to counter this sort of thing, but it'll take some work.

[Anonymous No.10646829]

>>10630123
I dont know how to work a conventional oven, just stovetop