Grocery

[Anonymous No.10603146]

You have 5 items to choose to make the checkout as awkward as possible. What do you buy?

[Anonymous No.10603148]

>>10603146
ingredients for a carbonara and cream

[Anonymous No.10603153]

Ok I know this is going to be hard for autists like you but try, if you can, to put yourself in a cashier's position for a moment. They're scanning thousands of items an hour for hundreds of random strangers. They are already of subnormal intelligence. Assuming they even bother to think about cucumber dildos, are they really going to feel AWKWARD about scanning produce? Think this through. It's not as funny as you imagine.

[Anonymous No.10603159]

>>10603153
if i showed up to the registrar with vaseline, condoms, sleeping pills, latex gloves and 6 cucumbers the cashier is gonna raise an eyebrow

[Anonymous No.10603162]

>>10603146
5 individual shoes

[Anonymous No.10603164]

>>10603153
Wow, you're so brilliant Anon. You are just so smart. Good job. This thread about hypothetically awkward grocery items is much better off now that we've all seen the "cashiers don't give a fuck" diatribe for the hundred thousandth time.

[Anonymous No.10603165]

5 items from the "meals for two" section, then hit on the cashier

[Anonymous No.10603177]

>>10603153
I appreciate how you took the time to give a well reasoned, logical answer

[Anonymous No.10603181]

>>10603146
a cucumber and 4 containers of peanut butter. going for “does someone really eat like this?” is more likely than autistic reddit sex jokes

[Anonymous No.10603201]

I'd grab bakery stuff that comes in plastic containers but then I'd peel off the stickers so that the cashier would have to send somebody to check the price. And then I'd make sure to buy some obscure vegetables like eddoes and anaheim peppers and I wouldn't know if that bag had parsley or cilantro in it so the cashier would have to smell it

[Anonymous No.10603227]

>>10603146
Cashier here. You can't. We're jaded. We hate you. We wish you'd fuck off and die or at least don't speak to us while we ring up your stupid shit. I don't care if you bought condoms, carrots, cucumbers, a copy of fifty shades, and personal lube. I'm just going to ring your shit up and hope you manage to get one stuck up your ass and be hospitalized or die later.

[Anonymous No.10603264]

>>10603227
Found the failure

[Anonymous No.10603278]

Five big bags of ice and nothing to carry them in. The cashier then have to watch you place one bag under each arm while hugging the rest against you chest. Make sure to drop a couple of them so you have to rearrange them all over. When youre done and got them under control make eye contact with the cashier who WILL be looking at your crazy ice carrying ass and say: boy this ice is freezing. I hope it wont melt during the flight..
And then walk away real slow

[Anonymous No.10603285]

>>10603227
you must be living a good life.

[Anonymous No.10603613]

>>10603227
Nah. Cute cashiers flirt with me all the time. I had one write down her number on the receipt once. Never called her tho

[Anonymous No.10603624]

>>10603159
no she wont

[Anonymous No.10603630]

>>10603613
>Things that didn't happen.

[Anonymous No.10603631]

I make this one cashier really uncomfortable by just buying one thing every day.
It's liquor.

[Anonymous No.10603684]

>>10603165
Kek. Take my (you) and get out.

[Anonymous No.10603687]

A big bucket of mayonnaise, once a day, 5 days in a row, same cashier every time

[Anonymous No.10603739]

>>10603227
>cashier here

[Anonymous No.10603894]

pound of lobster, black caviar, some good prosciutto from the deli, and two other expensive things that I can't be arsed to come up with.
Dress nicely while you do it, act like you're filthy fucking rich even if you aren't, just so they can wonder what the hell they're doing with their lives.

[Anonymons No.10604047]

>>10603146

[Anonymous No.10604587]

>>10603278
>i hope it wontt melt during the flight
i hate u cause i chuckled at this

[Anonymous No.10604620]

>>10603227
Your break ended 5 minutes ago, Shawn. Get back to work or you'll be put on probation!

[Anonymous No.10606192]

>water-based lube
>chunky peanut butter
>twine
>dog bed
>gauze pads

[Anonymous No.10606209]

>>10603146
We literally don't notice more than one item we're supposed to "small talk" with you about. a generic "how is this?" or "that's new"

[Anonymous No.10606213]

>>10603164
So start the thread with "interesting items to buy", not "reddit thread topic we've seen the thousandth time", dipshit. I will hurt you in real life.

[Anonymous No.10606232]

>>10603148
Dohohoho you're SINISTER

[Anonymous No.10606243]

>>10603613
Fake and gay

[Anonymous No.10607442]

Canned stuffed peppers, potato chips, ice cream, frozen pizza and tuna

[Anonymous No.10607479]

>>10603146
Donuts
Donut holes
Glue

[Anonymous No.10607484]

>>10603146
What if I show up with 5 items that aren't even sold at that store? (assuming grocery because /ck/)

1.) Ponytail butt plug
2.) Human Centipede DVD
3.) 5 gallons of KY
4.) Connect 4 game
5.) Tic Tacs

Ok, so #5 they could actually sell, but I dare them to do a price check on the others.

[Anonymous No.10607510]

>>10603146
3 pounds of hamburger meat
a set of those cheap Popsicle molds
condensed milk
breadcrumbs
and a box of those chicken in a biscuts because those things are delightful

[Anonymous No.10607527]

>>10607510
>and a box of those chicken in a biscuts because those things are delightful
they really tie a meal together

[Anonymous No.10607545]

>>10603153
I worked as a cashier at Walmart and this duo of obnoxious middle schoolers actually tried it- they bought a cucumber, condoms, vaseline, and some rope. They must have been fishing for an ebig Youtube prank video because both were holding their phones right up to my face trying to record my sHoCkEd ReAcTiOn

[Anonymous No.10607662]

>>10607545
A friend did this in high-school but out of sheer boredom, with no camera, alone, and with lawn-darts instead of a cucumber. Oh and a shovel.

[Anonymous No.10607685]

>>10607479
kek, fuck you.

[Anonymous No.10607808]

>>10607484
this one is underrated, that's genius

[Anonymous No.10608128]

>>10607662

Me, Myself & Irene

[Anonymous No.10608157]

>>10603146

Three handles of bottom shelf vodka, a can of Spam, a bottle of truffle oil.

[Anonymous No.10608165]

>>10606192

There's nothing awkward about that, unless you think it's embarrassing to buy lube.

[Anonymous No.10608207]

>>10603146
Huge cucumber, cooking oil, jelly, whip cream, chocolate syrup, eggplant

[Anonymous No.10608298]

>>10603201
and when they go to smell it, they'll get hit by the farts you had stored in the bag.
Try to charge them for the service.

[Anonymous No.10608348]

>>10603159
No one is going to give a shit, you underage retard.

[Anonymous No.10608353]

>>10607479
Only funny post in this thread

[Anonymous No.10608369]

>>10606243
oh god I love raywilliamjohnson xD

[Anonymous No.10608478]

>>10603153
you start out calling everyone autists and have a big stupid scenario where you have buttseks with about you fucking your male cousin and smelling his shoes? wtf is wrong with you? why don't you just let people exist?