/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.10475297]

Can we a grocery jester thread going?

>Just got off work, late shift
>Tired as shit but need beer
>Rush in and grab some 12 can pack
>Get to the register and realize I have no food at home; ask the guy to leave it here he says sure and rush to go grab some snacks
>Run over, come back, and pay for my shit and leave
>Get home and realize the box was opened, must not have seen it in the store, whatever
>Crack my beer open and it explodes all over me
>Look inside again and see the jesters joker card in the box

This asshole shook up all my beers when I went back for my food. Why do they hire these assholes?

[Anonymous No.10475323]

fucking based holy shit

[Anonymous No.10475327]

A grocery store jester what a concept XD

[Anonymous No.10475620]

>>10475297
>set up a date with this chick I was trying to bang
>this could be the night
>stop at the grocery store and grab a bottle of wine for the night
>while I'm there pick up a pack of condoms
>as I'm walking to the checkout after grabbing the condoms see the jester out of my peripheral vision
>he's laughing and pointing at me
>try my best to avoid eye contact, make it to the check out pay for my shit and leave
>get to dates house, went great
>banged the shit out of her
>never see her again
>3 months later find out she's pregnant
>5 years later here we are, I've got a kid and my life is hell
>I didn't ask for this
>when my son was born I came home to a card addressed to me in the mail
>it just said "Gotcha" with a winking face
>signed from "J"
>there was a pin inside.
>the fucker poked holes in all my condoms.

[Anonymous No.10475662]

This was funny the first time but now it's worse than r9k material
And btw the first time was before you were here

[Anonymous No.10475674]

>planning to make a pasta sauce
>buy everything I need some spices, onions, garlic, 'vark, peppers, pasta
>the cashier asks what I'm making
>say a tomato sauce
>she giggles a bit and shakes her head
>think it's kinda weird but just forget about it
>leave the store and get home
>realize I forgot the tomatoes
>almost cry in anxiety realizing I have to go back
>work up the courage to go
>the grocery jester is standing right inside the doors waiting for me
>"Forgot something big guy? Catch!"
>tosses a tomato at me
>its been greased up so I fumble and drop it and he laughs wickedly at me
>at this point other customers realize what's happening and rush to the tomato section to grab more tomatoes
>"Hey everyone, this guy needs some tomatoes, let's give him some!"
>about a dozen customers start pelting me with tomatoes
>all I can here is them yelling "TOMATO BOY! TOMATO BOY!"
>try to run out the entrance but I turn around to see the manager has just locked it from outside
>make a run for the exit
>covered in bruises and tomato pulp and juices
>every cashier is waiting for me making me run through a gauntlet of pelting tomatoes
>"TOMATO BOY! TOMATO BOY"
>rush for the exit and escape
>can here the taunts and laughter from the store
>drive home and sob while putting a batch of pizza rolls into the oven

[Anonymous No.10475823]

>>10475674
did you break any eggs?

[Anonymous No.10475824]

>>10475674
You wife’s bull is going to be furious.

[Anonymous No.10476175]

>>10475297
Thanks for contributing to the slow and agonising death of /ck/ you fucking knob jockey.