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/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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10371872 No.10371872 [Reply] [Original]

>make some good ass burgers
>2 days in a row someone at work stole my lunch and ate it
>cum in my lunch today
>they stole and ate it again
>i now have the satisfying feeling that some faggot or bitch ate my cum
how do you guys deal with lunchroom thiefs

>> No.10371881

I've never had to deal with it luckily but I would probably do the same thing you did

>> No.10371887

>>10371872

I miss lunch thief. Those threads were much better than yours.

>> No.10371888

Announce to your workplace that you accidentally used the wrong meat in the food and that they need to see a doctor immediately

>> No.10371895

>>10371888
This

>> No.10371898

>>10371888
This. Just see how far you can take this, OP. Hide bits and pieces of dog shit or mix in some drugs. But don't stop now.

>> No.10371940

Wow your disgusting

Respect other people and stop commiting sexual harassment

Fucking asshole

I hope you get prison time for that

>> No.10371944

>>10371940
Eat Spooge Retard

>> No.10371949
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10371949

>>10371940
>respect a thief who has touched my property
Well see about that

>> No.10371955
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10371955

>>10371940
roastie detected

>> No.10371966

>>10371872
I would have just laced the shit out of it with strong laxatives. I want to see the people who wrong me suffer.

>> No.10371999

>>10371872
Honestly you should put ghost peppers in it instead. Inflict some real pain rather than just feel smug about something only you know.

On another note I have my own workplace lunch eating story where I was the culprit
>At work
>They cater lunches often
>Pizza is common
>Go into staff room and find most of a pizza sitting on table with no observable signs of claiming
>Eat two slices, pretty good. Combo still hot
>Person walks into work room and says "Erin didn't tell me you guys we're splitting the pizza, can I have some"
>I say "This is Erin's?"
>"Yea"
>"Shit"
>I threw a 20$ bill in the box and wrote sorry on the lid of the pizza box in sharpie and told the receptionist to convey my apologies and jetted from work, I could finish from home
>Noticed she wrote her name in tiny letters in pen on the back of the boxes hinge facing the wall
>Saw her late that week and she said "Don't eat my pizza again or i'm filing an HR complaint"
>For the record who orders a whole large pizza for lunch
>From the same place that delivers our catered lunches
>Or writes the least obvious name on the spine of the pizza box

At least write an obvious claim to the food and put it in the fridge. Also she got fired that same year for absenteeism. Not saying she was a bitch, but she was a bit of a bitch.

>> No.10372006

Putting a poo in the fridge
tehehe gets em everytime

>> No.10372033

>>10371999
>you comped her pizza with extra
>she still threatened to file an HR complaint

At that point you should've ate the whole thing. The prickette didn't deserve that pizza.

>> No.10372074

To this day I am still only 1 of 3 employees I know of at a company of ~400 that has no file at HR. No complaints. Never late. No unaccounted absences. I've never used HR resources for anything. Healthcare, disability etc. I am the most convenient and inoffensive employee of all time. Last thing I want to do is upset that perfect record. Otherwise I might have to put effort into doing my job.

>> No.10372093

>>10372033
Sorry meant this >>10372074 for you.

>> No.10372099

>>10371999
Better yet, add both.
Not only do you inflect real pain, you know an exact person who has eaten your seed.

>> No.10372109

>>10371966

This. Laxatives. Then just see who's out of the office all day in the toilet or who left early.

>> No.10372122

>>10372109
At this point we are looking at semen, ghost peppers, and laxative. Why not just move on to biological agents. I hear HIV is great in a tuna sandwich.

>> No.10372227

>>10371872
anon i talked to you on pol and you posted this exact thing you sack of shit


awoo

>> No.10372231
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10372231

>>10372109
Use picture related in any recipe requiring chocolate

>> No.10372240

>>10372227
go back

>> No.10372248

>>10371872
Ghost peppers are a good idea. Laxatives are not.

OP, this thief knows whose lunch they're stealing. If you do anything to retaliate against them, they'll bring it to HR. Be smart about this. Put something that people conceivably eat in your food as sabotage, not something they'll notice that could put your job in jeopardy.

>> No.10372251

Didn't someone get sued once for putting ghost peppers or insanity sauce or some shit in their food knowing that it would be stolen?

>> No.10372257

>>10371872
honestly the best course of action is to put unnoticeable things like cum in your food. laxatives and stuff like that could get you in trouble for sure, even though theyre stealing your food

>> No.10372276

>>10372248

"Well HR, if you must know, I've been backed up for days and find it hard to swallow pills and the thought of mixing powder up with water makes me gag. I made a laxative sandwich to have this afternoon in the hopes of actually having a decent shit when I get home this evening. I have a medical condition and this person has been stealing my medication. What are you going to do about it?"

>> No.10372330

There's a poison you can make at home that when taken damages your vocal cords so much that you're a mute for the rest of your life. DO IT!

>> No.10372337

>>10371872
No you didn't.
Why are you lying on an anonymous board?

>> No.10372340

>>10371898
Yeah, do this a catch a felony over a prank. That will surely show them OP.

>> No.10372372
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10372372

Start collecting apple seeds. When you have a shit ton put them in a coffee grinder then add them into a soup or something put in work fridge and wait

>> No.10372379

Never had a job but how does this even happen?

>> No.10372464

>>10372379
Who's going to stop me? The food police? Your name on a plastic container isn't much of a deterrent, is it?

>> No.10372487

>>10372372
This

>> No.10372532
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10372532

>>10372231
>mfw I bought these and just ate the whole thing because they tasted so good

>> No.10372999

>>10371872
GIGA GIGA GIGA GIGA GIGA GIGA GIGA GIGA GIGA GIGA GIGA GIGA GIGA GIGA GIGA GIGA GIGA GIGA GIGA GIGA GIGA GIGA GIGA GIGA GIGA GIGA GIGA GIGA GIGA GIGA

>> No.10373072
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10373072

>>10371872
I'm so fucking glad I can tolerate spicy food so I can stick some ghost peppers in it with no suspicion

>> No.10373794

>>10372372
...What would happen?

>> No.10373813

>>10373794
Apple trees would grow in their stomach, dude.

>> No.10373814

Can't people just go a workday without eating? Eat before you leave, then eat when you get home. Why eat at work?

Are you in kindergarten? You need to pack a lunch from home and put it in da fwidge so it stays nice and cold for you wittle tum-tum?

>> No.10373818

>>10372227
>he browses /pol/

>> No.10373837

>>10372340
If you can prove that the drugs are needed for your self for whatever reason you are fine. Like laxatives are super easy to explain. Things like dog shit wont get you in trouble either. Now, if you add harmful things that would not benefit or be neutral to yourself you might run a risk of trouble.

>> No.10373854
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10373854

Just put a few drops of LSD on the food

>> No.10373871
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10373871

>>10373854
this kind of hilarious shit is why I try me best not to steal other people's food

>> No.10373872

>>10373794
https://www.healthline.com/health/food-nutrition/are-apple-seeds-poisonous

tldr cyanide

>> No.10373911

>>10371888
This, except ACTUALLY use the wrong meat.

Something that will 100% cause food poisoning if eaten. That way, even if they call your bluff and don't speak up, you still get to find out who it is.

You have plausible deniability because you spoke up.

>> No.10373919

>>10373872
tl;dr indeed, faggot
"You would need to finely chew and eat about 200 apple seeds, or about 20 apple cores, to receive a fatal dose. "

>> No.10373926

>>10373794
They would die of cyanide poisoning

Don't actually do this, you will be arrested.

>> No.10373938

>>10373919
>the original post was asking what blending and consuming a fuck ton of appleseeds would do

sorry your attention span was too strained to check the post two layers up

>> No.10374010

>>10372330
I sing so if you did that to me i might chimp out and put a nigga in the dirt

>> No.10374247

>>10374010
$20 says you sound like a dying duck when you sing

>> No.10374318
File: 100 KB, 800x551, 800px-Egyptian_Alexandria_Jews._Choir_of_Rabbin_Moshe_Cohen_in_Samuel_Menashe_synagogue._Alexandria.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
10374318

>>10374010

>> No.10374333

>>10371872
we have a camera on the fridge and if you complain the manager will look at the video and figure out who took it. it can become a fireable offense if they do it repeatedly. even taking sodas that dont belong to you.
I work for the saudis.

>> No.10376176

>>10371872
At my last job someone wrote "thanks for stealing my salad dressing jerk" and I wrote you're welcome ;) underneath. I wasn't the one who stole it

>> No.10376266

>>10373794
Mustard gas

>> No.10376308

>>10371872
Just suck a guys dick and then cook a good meal, you know?

>> No.10376527

>>10371872
kek, I've read this book. Some surprisingly tasty looking recipes

>> No.10376547

Always been curious about people stealing others food in a workplace. I've never experienced it and I don't understand why you would.

>> No.10376567

>>10371872
What kind of workplace is this? I've worked for several years in offices with exclusively young people in a shithole country and I've never had that happen or even heard of anyone being a victim of lunch theft.

>> No.10376664

>>10376567
Poor country people value food more

>> No.10376680

>>10376547
some people are poor
some people arent poor but want to save a fiver
some people just want to watch the world burn

>> No.10376755

>>10376680
How does being poor act as an excuse?

>> No.10376790

>>10376755
im sure you can figure it out using context clues

>> No.10376897

>>10372074
>damn this guy's a ghost!

>> No.10376932

>>10371872
Had some cunt kept nicking homemade cakes from my lunch box in the staff fridge, so a made a few with ex-lax chocolate topping.

>> No.10376936

just get a lunchbox and leave it in your car/desk

unless it's so hot the roads are melting, a few hours out of refrigeration won't turn your food radioactive.

>> No.10376950

>>10373814
I sleep on my lunch breaks. A refreshing naps really helps.gets me through that second half.

>> No.10376952

>>10373919
It's another "redditor struggles to use 4chan" epsiode

>> No.10377051

>>10371872
cast iron mortar and pestle mixed with some broken glass, maybe a wine glass or such

>> No.10377088

>>10376790
It's 1 dollar for a loaf of white store brand bread, and a few dollars for a few days worth of lunch meat. If you can't scrape together 5 bucks for a weeks worth of lunch then you deserve to starve.

>> No.10377209

>>10376932
did they take it? anyone go home sick?

>> No.10377241

>>10371872
Shoulda put glass in it.

>> No.10378749

>>10371872
2 types of people ITT.
1. Fags >Don't do anything, you might get in big trouble!
2. Normal People >teach that theiving fuck a lesson, broken glass and lemon juice sandwich!

>> No.10379305

Mix laxatives into it. They'll shit themselves mid-shift and you'll know who it is.

>> No.10379341
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10379341

>>10374010
Don't steal food, real fucking hard concept to grasp. Be happy it isn't fucking cyanide

>> No.10379350

Flatmates who steal your food as worse, I would say. Much easier to identify with ex-lax, though.