Burger Autopsy

[Anonymous No.10156261]

So the deceased victims are two burgers of American Cheese descent, both wearing matching ketchup & mustard condiments, both appearing to have had recent tomato & onion implants. Both were found carrying questionably sauteed mushrooms, with indications that the onions were improperly sauteed alongside them in burger grease while the burgers themselves were still frying. Evidence was also recovered substantiating both victims were heavy bacon users.

The report given at the scene suggested the burgers were shaped too thick, and while nominally seasoned and properly seared on the first side, simply were heated incorrectly, slightly overcooking the second side yet not cooking the interior to a true brown and finished texture. The beef used was high-fat, only 73% lean.

The report indicates that while all the ingredients were present, the burgers, specifically Mr. & Mrs "Bacon Mushroom Cheeseburger with Tomato, Onion, Ketchup & Mustard" didn't in fact really taste like anything.

The potency of the onion was lost completely, the ketchup and mustard overwhelmed the bacon leaving only texture, the mushrooms may as well not even been there. The cheese, while completely visible, lent no taste either. Mostly the taste was just a bit of burger char and mustard, and a burst of tomato here and there.

Cause of taste death is now under investigation.

[Anonymous No.10156269]

cringe

[Anonymous No.10156311]

>>10156269

Thank you for signalling the disdain of a reader who has forgotten that:

(1) he is anonymous,
(2) the internet is not a person you can score points with and that therefore
(3) such signals are meaningless noise to everyone but the reader who imagines everyone else lives in their head and therefore understands anonymously posted non-sequiturs.

[Anonymous No.10156458]

Alright look. I want names, dammit. Motives. The chief is on my ass. The whole city is talkin' about 'the Burger Killer' and this board looks like a bunch of clowns in the local news.

What do we got so far? A gas stove and a 10 inch fry pan at the scene. Two thick beef patties.

You're supposed to be the best minds we got. One of you must know something. What happened here? Was the beef grease too heavy for the mushrooms? How was the center going to get cooked without burning the outside? Should the bacon have been soft instead of crispy?

One of you mugs knows somethin', see? The jig is up. Johnny Law knows the score, and when the fuzz puts the kabash on this racket, someones gonna be singin from the big house, ya understand?

So start talkin'.

[Anonymous No.10156511]

(Wait... They didn't [taste] like anything...?)
(How could that be... Surely with the added flavors...)
(Unless....)
GAAAAAAAH!
(Thats it! I've solved the mystery of this whole case! Now I just need to [turn my thinking around]!)
(If the burgers weren't hamburger flavored... they must have been [diguised] as cheese burgers!)
(Then that means...!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wq1jknZp0ic
Your honor, I believe i've solved this entire case. We've been led to believe that the deceased were in fact of [american cheese descent].
But that is actually not the case, You see... This was actually a minor translation error on the part of the OP.
The deceased, were actually... [Ramen noodles!]
Isn't that right? OP?

[Anonymous No.10156543]

>>10156511
Kek thread saved

[Anonymous No.10156641]

>>10156511


rofl waffles

Stop screwing around- this is serious business!

The Killer knows I am attempting my first sunny-side up eggs in fifteen hours. Time is running out. Look, I just found this in Notepad-

"Ī ĶӢÖŴ ШΉĄȾS ϜѺR ƁЯƎѦҠҒΔϟŢ"

He's been watching us the whole time.

This sonofabitch has to go down. I will *NOT* have my first eggs turn out like that burger.

[Anonymous No.10156659]

>>10156311