/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>9834800
Cinnamon rolls. Only 9 people will be able to enjoy them and the rest will feel an odd mixture of disappointment and anger at the three fat fucks who took 2 instead of one.

>>9834873
Or you can just make them smaller.

>>9834800
Lasagna

A bowl of walnuts. People like walnuts, right?

>>9834800
Garden salad. In a plastic container

Cream cheese Rangoon

>>9834800
Be the cool guy and bring a brown sugar spiral cut ham you got on sale for 15 bucks

A bottle of whiskey and a loaded gun with one bullet in it for me of course

>>9834800
Napkins and cups.

A single potato.

home-made pretzels, some fruit punch, cups, napkins

I would just sneak the best looking plate off the table when nobody is looking and place it back when everybody is looking. Hopefully the one who made the plate was taking a crap.

It's the only way to show off my cool ninja skills and faggy naruto forehead protector.

>>9834896
Get the fuck out of here

Bring a box of trash bags. Your hosts will be grateful when it comes time to clean up.

>>9834800
Myself

A container of Costco cookies, the one with chocolate chip and white macadamia cookies.

>>9834800
Deviled eggs

40 pounds of bananas

>>9834800
Potato salad

>>9834908
That's only one serving.

a half empty box of tic-tacs and some Steel Reserve in a powerade bottle.

Deep-fried smelt

>>9835206
>powerade bottle
relax mr. fancy pants. just use the empty liquor store bag like a normal person.

Grew up going to a Southern Baptist Church.
A lot of people get the wrong idea and reply to that with: "oh that seems so cool, with all that music and dancing and ooga booga".
No.
It was "you can tap one foot to the music, but don't tap both feet becauce that would be dancing heh heh heh."... But really, don't dance.
Potlucks most Sundays after service. If it matters, it was the 80's and I was a pretty picky eater (was I a picky eater because I didn't like shitty food?). Holy Lord Jesus. The food was exactly as bad as you would think. All of the "do Americans really do this?" threads times wut. Canned X with creamed Y, topped with Aunt Myrna's dried semblance of a vegetable and baked.
All of the desserts which should have been great for a kid where fucked with mini marshmallows and bits of canned fruit. Chocolate didn't exist I guess.
So all of these terrible people that you just had to suffer through adult church service with are now cunting around eating shitty food and I JUST WANT TO GO HOME ffs it's my weekend away from school and I have to deal with this shit.

So of course me and my friend went into the church classrooms during this time and drew dicks on all the jesus pictures and ate all the nilla wafers in the nursery rooms. Favorite was changing the scripture on a drawing from "even a child is know by his doings" to "even a child is known by his dongs".
Yeah, not a fan of potlucks.

>>9834800
probably sausage rolls or lasagne

Pepperoni pizza

>>9835216
Ta med nok for meg!

>>9834800
Pecan pie or meatballs. Two things everyone loves to see at a potluck.

>>9835257
>he didn't go to the potluck purely for the old man who would make and fry cinnamon sugar donuts right there in the shitty little church kitchen

RIP Mr. Schontz. I dunno if it's just nostalgia, but I still haven't had a better donut.Only ones that came close were some cider donuts from a roadside stand in Maryland. I think it's because he used actual goddamned tallow.

Tiramisu

>>9835181
You're definitely invited.

Homemade canned potatoes.

>>9835448
>he didn't go
I didn't have an option.
I'll bet that the fresh fried dough tasted awesome, like fresh fried dough.
We didn't have shit like that, we had dishes that people had cooked at least 2 hours ago (pre-service). It was Aunt Myrnah's shit IRL. And I don't mean that I'm from down south. This was shit happening in mid WA. Wenatchee to be specific.

>>9834800
My guitar
Instead of eating you can all sit in a circle and listen to me play

>>9834800
Sliced onions for people to put on top of the other potluck dishes.

>>9834800
I try to ruin diets as much as possible at work. There's 75% women here and most of them are dieting. You'd think some ridiculous over the top tasty tier fried dessert bullshit would get them to cheat but they're used to this stuff. If I ever bring in bread (baked fresh in the morning), they flip shit and it's gone in minutes. I also bring in butter, jam, honey, or cheese with it as well. Carbs are key, they can't help themselves.

>>9835845

D E V I L I S H

Hot sauce, to put on everyone else horrid dishes that I'd be semi forced to eat.

sausage gratin.

it's easy. grate some potatoes, brown some jimmy dean, mushrooms, onions - grate some cheese, crack some eggs. toss in some tarragon. 350 for 45 minutes. Make some dough, and you got a legit quiche.

>>9834800
aithre don't go, or bring cheap shit nobody like so you don't get invited in those parasite gathering anymore.

>>9835845
My new years resolution is always to be nicer to the people I work with. So i bring a dozen oreo topped double chocolate boston cremes (~900 calories) from dippin donuts to the HR office on January 2nd.

>>9835845
They deserve it for not being whole food vegans :-)

Chad's cock is all mine >:3

What everybody else will bring: coleslaw.

>>9835588
fuck off

>>9835200

How do you know the dimensions of that box?

Tiny frikadeller and maybe a cold dipping sauce for them. I'd make them a little smaller than golfballs.
They're basically just fried pork meatballs but they're delicious.

>>9834800

>>9834800
i have a potluck at work today.

i brought a fifth of rum.

>>9834800

1x appetite!

Guys, my BLT Pinwheels will knock your socks off

>>9836538
I looked at the contents which come in a narrow range of sizes.

>>9836538
Because mixed salads don't exhibit self-similarity, numbnuts.

>>9836336
>Get dunkin donuts box
>Put a vegatable tray in it
>Take out whatever dip came with it
>Leave it in the break room

>>9834800
reminds me of a story ive greentexted before

>friend throws potluck drinking party
>bring family size bag of chips and a container of dip
>two fatass friends of my friend excitedly take the chips from my hand as I enter the door
>I assume they will eat some chips then leave the rest on the table
>five minutes later I notice they've polished off the entire bag and container of dip
>fatasses

>>9836588
>hand food to fatasses
>expect them not to eat it all
that's on you

>>9836629
t. morbidly obese fatass

>>9834800


Jello salad is king (pic related) - a crust of pretzels and brown sugar, followed by a layer of cool whip or whipped cream mixed with sour cream or something like that, basically sweet/creamy/tangy is what you want, then a layer of jello with fruit

Otherwise:
Make cornbread in muffin tins so you can have a basket full of little muffin-shaped cornbreads

Potato salad

Coleslaw

Baked beans

Used to have them at my house every week. Never ate at them and always sat up in my room cuz I didn't wanna participate in making shit and eating other peoples food. Roommate used to make pb and j on Ritz crackers every time without fail. Don't know who was worse

>Go to potluck with a lasagna prepared using an old family recipe
>A lot of the items were clearly store bought or prepared from a boxed
>I even see what appears to be a Dominos pizza

Don't be fucking lazy or cheap if you're going to go to one.

obviously cookies.

>>9837753

> Make potato salad
> Use the right type of potato, start with lukewarm water and brought up to a simmer in order to cook them evenly and not turn to mush, take off heat when slightly underdone so the residual heat finishes cooking them
> Let them cool naturally before adding dressing
> Make a bomb ass dressing with lots of very meticulously minced red onion, dill, etc
> Taste and adjust seasoning while letting it chill 24 hours
> Bring masterpiece of potato salad to potluck

> Someone already put out two gallon containers of Safeway potato salad

>>9834800
BBQ Little Smokies & Beans

>>9837753
>>9837776
I'm that guy who brings a veggie trey from the clearance section of the grocers.

piggies in blankies, some plain and some cheesy

>>9836550
Looks tasty, good idea

>>9834800
I just bring a bag of chips and call it a day

>>9837958
Love these. You really can't go wrong

I sometimes make pic related and bring some Tostitos scoops

>>9837741
by the sound of it he did it cus he needed people to feed him

Bucket of KFC

We have a potluck next week and I'm bringing pic related, grilled chicken hearts. I mentioned that I eat them and they were all surprisingly curious to try them and suggested I bring some for the potluck

I would to with my trademark mac salad:
• 16oz Pasta (Macaroni w/ ridges, Cavatappi, Ditalini or similar)
• 6 Hard Boiled Eggs, Chopped
• 5-6 Small Gherkins Pickles, Diced (Sweet variety optional)
• 1 Stalk Celery, Diced
• 1/2 Lb. Cooked Bacon, Chopped
• 16oz Marzetti Original Slaw
• 1 Tbs Yellow Mustard
• 1/2 tsp Cayenne Pepper
• Salt & Black Pepper to Taste

Hard Boiled Eggs:
-Place eggs and cold water into a pan so they are covered by about an inch.
-Bring water to boil over high heat. Boil for 1 minute then remove from heat, cover and let sit for 10 minutes
-Put eggs into cold water to cool completely (Bowl with ice water or bowl with cold water running over them from sink. This will make peeling easier)

Pasta:
- Cook Pasta completely according to package directions in 4 quarts of water with 1 heaping Tbs salt
- Drain and rinse under cold water

Mac Salad:
- Add pickles, celery, bacon, mustard, cayenne, salt and pepper to cooked pasta
- Stir and let sit a couple minutes so flavors soak in
- Add slaw dressing and stir throughout
- Add eggs and stir without destroying eggs
- Let cool in refrigerator ideally for 4 hours to overnight

*If pasta is too dry, add warm water or mayo as needed

>>9838012
>Mac Salad™

>>9838011
You eat the grill?

>>9836629
So I guess he should have yanked the chips away from the other guests and yelled "mine" instead, huh, faggot?

>>9838042
Yeah...fucking retarded piece of shit

My go-tos are:

>pulled pork (real pulled pork, done on my smoker), with squeeze bottles of my homemade rich bbq sauce and vinegar bbq sauce
>lemon bars
>hot german-style potato salad
>black eyed pea salad
>chili, plus cornbread and all the fixings ((I'll also supply disposable bowls for it)
>broccoli salad (chopped broccoli with toasted walnuts, dried cranberries, scallions, and a creamy vinaigrette topped with crumbled bacon)
>Mediterranean style pasta salad
>Baked mac and cheese
>bourbon pecan pie
>If it's summer, so I can get good tomatoes, I'll also bring a tomato, mango, and basil salad

>>9834800
My world famous son-of-a-gun stew

>>9834800
puppy chow

>>9834800
A bunch of sliders. No one hates a nice hamburger.

>>9838011
>grilled chicken hearts.

I'd like them, but at a typical potluck in the south you'd probably end up tarred and feathered and ridden out of town on a rail.

>>9837934

You know, I ain't even mad about those. Manually chopping vegetables is just boring if all you do is chop them coarsely for people to eat plain or in dressing with their fingers. I'd buy them for myself if money wasn't an object, so having some free convenient variety of fruits and veggies is, if anything, a bonus.

That said, I'd rather know if someone is bringing one, so I know to make/bring hummus or baba ganoush or something.

>>9834800

40 pounds of feijoada

>>9834976
Kek

>>9837660
>consuming anything with jello

Out of my way losers it's lumpia time

>>9837660
the thinking man's contribution

999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 gallons of water

>>9836550
pinwheels are great. had some delicious ones at my grandfathers wake. good times

I actually have one coming up. Well, not mine, but my roommate's work is having one and she can't cook.

I was thinking some apple roses w/ caramel. Or maybe homemade danishes. Sweet finger food of some sort.

I made pepper pork buns for my workplace's last potluck, this time I'm making char siu skewers

This

Chili con chorizo

Little pancakes with bacon/cheese or apple in them

Meatballs

Stuffed peppers

>>9836550
>>9837960
I literally have a Christmas potluck tomorrow and I'm making a giant plate of these.

>Cream cheese w/diced onion and bell peppers & pesto spreads
>Kalamata Olives
>Sliced Cherry Tomatoes
>Peeled cucumber
>Baby Spinach
>Gouda and Muenster cheese
>Deli-sliced Smoked Turkey and Honey Ham
Gonna form them into log wraps tonight and chill them before portioning them in the morning.

I would bring some super dank weed brownies senpai

Please explain the concept of a "potluck" to a urapeein. What is it? Is it very American?

>>9840358

A communal lunch/dinner where everyone brings one or more dishes to share

>>9840358
>>9840358
>Please explain the concept of a "potluck" to a urapeein. What is it? Is it very American?
http://www.foodservicenews.net/November-2015/Culinary-Curiosities-Whats-the-History-of-the-Potluck/
http://www.word-detective.com/2009/06/potluck/
They started in the either the late 19th or early 20th century in America, but the idea is similar to the old fable of Stone Soup. Basically you set a place and date and everyone either brings a finger food like slider sandwiches or an a course like a mixed salad or casserole + dessert depending on how heavy/formal the occasion (typically church functions or family reunions). Normally there is little organization beyond those vague guidelines so everyone ends up bringing something different and when you open the containers at the table you are said to try your luck serving the various pots of food brought to get a good spread. (Of course sometimes you end up with 6 people bringing fried chicken and nobody bringing plates or drinks.)

>>9839145
I would love this!

>>9834800
It depends on what I know other people are bringing. For my work, I usually bring a dessert, because I've slowly amassed a horde of recipes that are loaded with booze and get everyone to loosen up at these 'dry' events. When my friends do a potluck, I usually make meatballs or bacon wrapped wienies or some other protein based dish, because my friends are poor and bring crap stuff like coleslaw and potato chips and a potluck without a protein is hell.

>>9838011
I love making stuff like chicken hearts and putting it out as just chicken, and then having everyone tell me how much they loved it, and then breaking it to them. Now I don't even need to hide that they're hearts, because people flock to them.

>>9838179
Never heard of it.

>>9839577
>999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 gallons
Congratulations on your new soon-to-be galaxy.
Your cloud of hydrogen and oxygen atoms has a radius of 646 astronomical units, and will soon catastrophically collapse inwards.
It weighs in at around 2*10^15 (that's peta) Solar masses, somewhere around 1000 times the mass of our galaxy and 100000 times the largest known black hole. I'm not sure we can even predict what will happen if this enormous mass spontaneously pops into existence.
Either way, it's safe to say that you've ruined the potluck. Nice job, asshole.

>>9839036
Gelatin is good for you, it's one reason why fruit flavored jello was developed to begin with, get your priorities straight.

>>9840459
Do people were you live really not recognise a heart when they see one? Wow.

>>9838070
or he could just not be a bitch and not be upset that food he brought somewhere to be eaten got eaten?

I have a potluck today for my last day of a speech class and I was going to make vegetable stuffed buns or something but I didn't want to go the store after I injured myself with a shower door so I just made meringues. Frozen egg whites work really well, surprisingly. They're overdone because I didn't know that they only solidified after they cool so I thought they were still underdone even as the bottoms started to burn. They also look lumpy because I don't have pastry bags and just spooned out the whipped egg whites. In the past I've made aracini that people loved as well as pork buns.

>>9836550
Goddamn I love when someone brings pinwheels. I could eat those all day. They don't taste as good when I make them though.

I usually bring a crockpot full of swedish meatballs. Those were always popular with the midwest crowd I worked with.

>>9840518
Lol..

>>9835200
How fat are you?

>>9834800
all of that looks hideous

>>9834897
fuck you

>>9841859
Welcome to the Midwest

>>9841770
Fatties don't eat greens. I'm 125 pounds (often less) at 5'7"

>>9838179

>>9835010
this is so retarded I can't stand it.

>>9835257
I grew up in church in the south and our potlucks were 80% bangin.. maybe because it was a smaller church but most people brought pretty dope food. I like potlucks because I like to get a little of everything.

>>9835845
something about this kinda turns me on.. I want to do this now.

Deviled Eggs every single time. Easy as shit to make, even easier to serve, and people love them.

>>9837776
I thank you for not bringing a salad that has a disgusting aftertaste. I don't know why, but every supermarket potato salad has just the most horrendous aftertaste.

>friend buys her first house and organizes a potluck dinner
>mostly her 20something millennial friends plus some family
>nearly every millennial brings a grocery store cheese, veggie, or fruit platter, and nearly every millennial that doesn't "hilariously" brings booze instead
>only real dishes are from the host's relative
>gone before half the people even gets to eat it

>>9837776
heh, who would have thought that two people would bring potato salad to a potluck, huh?

>>9842881

It would be fine if there wete multiple potato salads, they can have a lot of variety. It is more the laziness of bringing nasty Safeway clearance stuff.

>>9838169
post lemon bar recipe, and also, how much does the bourbon come through in that pie?

I've been bringing some sriracha meatballs to potluck stuff lately. If there are leftovers people are always pretty quick to claim them for themselves. I know sriracha is a meme, but I like it in this application.

>>9840518
Yeah, science bitch!

im gonna be the one person who brings baked beans. nobody ever thinks to bring baked beans to a potluck ;)

>>9843955
sriracha is a meme, but the flavor combination is not. its tried and true. garlic, sugar, heat. its basically spicy ketchup.

>>9835845
That looks like a challenge

>>9834969
That's a classic combo

>>9834800
Börek. Easy to make and cheap, everyone likes it but few people around here ever make it

>workplace has a potluck
>1 person brought in gumbo
>everybody else just brings in chips
>company fires that 1 person
>she takes her gumbo and goes home
>pot luck was all just cheap offbrand dollarstore chips

>>9834800
What’s the consensus of being that fag that offers to bring the plates and cutlery? I only did it because there already seemed that there was a lot of items listed on the chart at work yesterday.

Speaking if which, I had another pot luck as well for my final class in which I made an chilled orzo pasta with roasted red/yellow peppers, feta, lemo juice, olive oil, parsley, and capers. Everyone loved it thank god. First time making it.

>>9834969
Careful you don't cut yourself.

>>9844328
>thank you for attending this company get together
>thank you also for being the only one to take it seriously
>now get your shit and get out
Who fires someone at a potluck? That's super shitty.

>>9842829
My neighbor was havving a potluck, and i asked her how many people would be attending.
she gave me a rough estimate of about 50
and i literally live right next door so i killed one of our sheeps and made birria, brought over some birria, spanish rice and macaroni salad.
all the other guests brought fucking frozen lasagna or potato salad.

>>9841770
It's salad you fucking idiot

>>9842407
>>>9835010 (You)
>this is so retarded I can't stand it.

Mmm hm. Sure. I'm thinking of the number of parties I've brought a box of trash bags to, and the number of puzzled faces, but mostly the number of thanks the hosts gave me the day after the party when the trash bags came in really handy.

Go fuck yourself, asshole. You know jack shit.

>>9844743
Uh, don't most people have a roll of trash bags somewhere at home? What else do they put their garbage in?

>>9844743
Most people have trash bags. The thanks you get is out of pity because they assume you're a special needs person.

>>9845533
>>9845570
Not that guy, but I don't see anything wrong with bringing trash bags or other helpful clean-up items AS LONG AS you also bring some food, too. Cleaning up after a big party suuuuuuucks. And, it might be nice for the hosts to not have to use their personal resources up on the clean up. Just saying......but you should definitely still bring at least a simple food item, like a dessert or pigs in a blanket or something as well.

>host Potluck with close friends and their girlfriends
>Make beef stewed in a nice dark ale served over riggatoni
>Friends bring all sorts of delicious things like salmon rolls, stuffed peppers, pork sliders with truffel mayo, salade niçoise, Apple pie etc.
>One couple brings along stuff for cocktails
>Feast until deep in the night and have a grand time

Y'all need to start associating yourself with better people.

>>9844348
>offer to bring plates and cutlery
>do not show up
>all these retards can only look at their food

to me it seems like the host should acquire these items

guacamole of course

I make a mean meatloaf

>>9846060
Or "meanloaf", if you will.

>>9846059
https://youtu.be/FF1oCa1qoV0

>>9834800
Dubs checked.

I don't bring anything. Nobody ever eats what I bring, and there's too much of everything already.

I get there early and help arrange the furniture. Usually I also stay late and help clean up.

>>9844679
Maybe someone was allergic to something in the gumbo, or found it offensive. These days, people will over-react about anything.

>>9846147
I won't

>>9840389
Sometimes it's broken down by alphabet: last initial A-E brings main dishes, F-P brings sides, etc.

>>9844348
>sign up to bring cups
>someone else bring cups because they didn't see my name on the list
>200 cups for 40 people
>years later, I still have some of the ones I brought

I bring a hand mixed dried beef dip, its like, the only thing I'm allowed to bring to work potluck, family occasions, anything

Little sad because I like to cook, but they like the dip too much for me to bring anything else

>>9846226
:(

>potluck
>pot
>luck
>brings lucky charms
>autism

Sushi platter

>>9846540
You'd like to fork her. You know you would.

coupla these.

>>9839145
Fuck yes.

chocolate chip cookies containing a near lethal amount of caffeine.

>>9834800
weed honey cornbread.. nobody would suspect a thing

>>9846627
.. until everyone is stoned, and at least one or two people realize what's going on.

>>9836540
I knew sopa de macaco was monkey soup. I didn't know about sopa de morcego (bat soup) though so thanks for sharing.

>>9842443
>someone was assholish enough to bring beetroot salad

>>9846715
Fuck you, beets are ball son

>>9840518

There is something about potlucks that I find disgusting, especially when I don't know everybody who has prepared the food

>>9836550
What's in it?

>>9850029
>bacon
>lettuce (romaine)
>tomato
>50/50 cream cheese/mayo mixture
>avocado optional

Simple and delicious

>>9842443
This guy is right. The south is mostly shit, but our food is perfection. Lots of butter, lots of bacon grease, lots of poor slaughtered animals and wild game, lots of fresh fruit and vegetables, plenty of fish... Yankees don't get food as good as ours

>>9850040
Huh, I never thought of mayo/cream cheese.
Thanks anon!

>>9834800
A scoop of shit.

>>9844669
that's not edgy you dumb faggot

>>9845596
>Not that guy, but
>random capital words
>suuuuuuucks
>......
never post again

>>9836550
imagine saving this picture on your phone for over 2 years and posting it in this thread to brag about

>>9842443
>Fork handle resting in eggs

Tortellini w/pesto.

>>9836540
but how does bat meat taste?

A machine gun

>>9834800
Something fresh and crisp. A salad of romaine and iceberg, fresh tomatoes, and cucumbers, and home-made croutons (heavy on the butter and garlic) and at least two salad dressings to get started. Some ranch-style for basic bitches, and some vinaigrette for people with a lighter touch.

>>9842443
>>9850041
Southern food is basically the McDonalds of homecooking... trash ingredients and recipes drenched in fat, sugar and spices to (attempt to) hide how poor quality they are.

>>9850647
>t. someone who thinks Southerners are retards and crosses the street when he sees a large black man walking his way

Travel more

Im the asshole that brings cucumber water.

>>9850660
How do you make Cucumber water? I bought a half dozen cucumbers on sale the other day before realizing I really don't like eating cucumber.

>>9835131

that's my gig

gonna garnish with a small slice of smoked salmon from Aldis this year

though I might just bring a Denver omelette

>>9850659
>Y'all don't know true southern cooking, just try some of my patented BBQ sauce! Only 10 pounds of sugar per rack of ribs!

Trust me, we've tried it and we know better.

>>9850667
https://youtu.be/lL42O2p1nx8

>>9836540
UMA
M
A

>>9842443
>three plates of debilled eggs
>tons of salads

Ah, potlucks...

>>9835131
>>9850677
I usually never find american food very attractive, but I must say, decent Devil'd Eggs look fucking good.

>>9840349
Sounds tasty.

>>9837776
My mum makes amazing coleslaw, and took it to a neighbours BBQ years ago. Everyone ignored it and ate the giant bargain bucket sized shit from the store, except for an extremely obese black woman. Maddening.

>>9844681
I'd be acid too man

>>9846267
>Hand mixed

As opposed to what other type of mixing?.

>>9835588

>>9850954
Why is that? Did the bargain bin shit just look better, because that's the only thing I could think of - or maybe they're just poors who are confused by how some dishes are actually supposed to look when made right.

Shepherd's pie