/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>9739322
Why did he have to tap the knife 18 times?

>>9739175
Now I know how jason biggs felt

>>9739328
What is with these people and cream cheese?

>>9739175
>huge pisshole
>no actual vaginal opening

why is a virgin carving pussy when they've never seen one up close?

>>9739339
lack of testosterone in the body triggers an endorphin inside that attracts tastes like cheeses and fruits

>>9739339
cream cheese wa tasty desu!

It's the season.

>>9739322

this kills the crabs, at high speed

>>9739339
Numales are intrinsically drawn to white goo.

>>9739598
>tfw was about to complain how everyone posts the same exact shit then this shows up
holy shit how horrifying

>>9739594
This shit always makes me feel queasy. I genuinely don't think I could stomach eating that.

>>9739598
>This dismembers the crab

>>9739611
What is most terrifying to me is that few seconds when we see the crab held upside down, the water dripping from his eye stalks, before he is opened wide in a split second.

Makes me imagine being taken aboard a UFO and not knowing what is going on before before being eviscerated. What would be worse is to be on the conveyor belt behind a few other people and to see it happen, with no way of escaping.

>>9739620
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJwyjWpP4XA

>>9739396
>deconstruct.webm
waited 55 seconds so that plate get blasted with eggs or something, and fucking nothing happened

>>9739594

>>9739849
thats some fancy way to do drugs

>>9739670

>>9739378
fuck me that guy is retarded

>>9739404
Wtf is the point of this

>>9739858
Holy shit that is a great idea.

>>9739945
its for shredding cans/sheet metal

>>9739945
I'm pretty sure it's and example of the sheer power of the mill. Retarded. Sad.

>>9739540
>filename

>>9739620
You're giving the mental capacity of crabs too much credit.

>>9739396

What is this even trying to say? Look I can take cheap shit and do the same things they do with high end cooking and ingredients? Well yeah, except it's still cheap shit. So?

>>9739175
>Mike Pence
I dont obsess over politicians personal lives and get frustrated about everything Trump related so I dont get the joke. Did Pence say he likes licking pussy or something? Who doesnt?
>lol make vaginas into everything so itll be like, weird when your guests come over lol XD
is this funny to anyone or...whats the point of this?

>>9739945
He's making a hot dog reduction.

>>9739934
Hey, he likes what he's doing. And the food seems good too.

>>9739322
The salt literally lands on his wrist and not the meat.

>>9739540
nice filename

>>9739849
OMG so weird xD

>>9739999
It's because he's such a prude, a quality I myself find endearing. He evidently won't dine alone with any woman not his wife, or go unaccompanied to any event that serves alcohol.

>>9739670
i fucking love labeast
the fact that this man is still alive is a testament to the resilience of the human body

>>9739322
>>9739378
I want to see how his peers make fun of him.

>>9739934
Less retarded than whoever carves vaginas in food. (OP's vid).

>>9740217
seeing as how he's the chef, and has made his restaurant very successful, and just does these videos as a goof, it's fair to say they probably don't say much.

>>9739598
FUCKING SLAVES GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE

>>9740130
Guess these guys would prefer he harrass women like Biden it Clinton?

>>9739945
post consumer recycled hot dogs

>>9739346
>attracts tastes like cheeses and fruits

>>9740388
Tasty brain, enjoy it with some wine.

>>9740395
>Tasty brain

>>9740415
This is such a depressing picture and yet I am laughing.

>>9739594
what the f!! is this a real thing? someone ever tried it? it looks so unhealthy and just generally disgusting.

>>9739598
.. this kills the snab

>all this meat

>it's the same webms every time

>>9740888
wasted trips
>it's the same complaint everytime

>>9740871
>unsweetened soy milk

T. Soyboy

>>9739594
>>9739613
>>9740442
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVza_AnhQ3E

>>9740154
The video where he eats a whole pineapple (with the skin) while having his balls covered with icy/hot is bloody hilarious

>>9741074
The term soyboy is offensive to soyboys who suffer gender disphoria, kindly use soyperson in the future

>>9739620
Watch Cloud Atlas some time. There's an entire scene dedicated to this.

>>9740154
Yeah, we almost lost the Beast last year. He's cryptic about some parts of the incident but not others.

Was in a car filming, looked tired/drunk/stoned. Then there were loud crunching noises. Apparently almost Dunn'd himself driving off the road. Was fucked way up and unconscious. EMTs managed to extract him before his fucking car burst into flames and burned completely out.

>>9739620
The crabs aren't alive, you see them not moving even when they are on the conveyor

>>9739328

>I was at the restaurant before he became famous
>He used to do this shit because he was bored and wanted people to laugh at this type of pretentious nonsense in cooking
>one day this shit comes up and everyone calls it art

He really rode the wave of stupid people

>>9741366
>why boner
I know exactly why

>>9740871
>this much effort to emulate a fucking egg
Vegans are insane

>>9741411
Man coveted the sun, thus we tamed electricity to forge our own light.

Jealous little cunts, just eat an egg already, jeez

>>9741366
Disgusting.

>>9741490
I want to live in that container

>>9741490
https://youtu.be/e2N_qzx622w?t=16m4s

>>9739175
Those kind of look like vaginas, kek.

>>9739328
because he isn't autistic

>>9741779
I have that pepper grinder.

>>9741760
>kind of

>>9741779
Does.... does that work?

Does this make decent pasta?

>>9741890
No.

>>9739328
>18 times
I'd ask why you'd count them, but it seems pointless.

>>9741893
Right... too good to be true things are usually too good to be true.

>>9741897
It's not like it would even save you all that much effort. Pasta is brainless to boil, and you're going to want to get some color on your aromatics in a hot pan anyway. There's nothing worse than an onion that was introduced into warm water without having a chance to let Maillard do his thing.

>>9741913
I know, I've gotten pretty efficient at making pasta with cherry tomatoes, onions, garlic, and some spinach leafs. If it wasn't for boiling of the pasta taking a bit I'd have it done in 15 minutes flat.

I still have a soft spot in my heart for one-pot dishes since I don't have a dish washer and have to do all the dishes by hand.

>>9740132
so this is yui claus' family

>>9741913
sweating onion > browning

>>9742007

pickled > raw > sweating > browning

>>9742134
wrong.
>>9742212
stop conflating individual incompetents with massive groups that they happen to belong to.

>>9739322

>>9741366
Dat butter drip at the end.

>>9742234
just jackpost and label it as menscooking

>>9740130
it's almost as though hes aware of his inherent flaws as a human and chooses to avoid knowingly putting himself in situations where he may be tempted to act in ways that he could regret later
what a fucking fascist asshole!

>>9742234
>stop conflating individual incompetents with massive groups that they happen to belong to.
This is the new internet bruv.
I don't like it either but this is the result of all the fun we used to have.
Memes symbolic, took it literal.

>>9741366
>This kills the arteries

>>9742234
>no your way is wrong!
>goes on to say to make assumptions
.... wow you're just a walking contradiction arent you.

>>9742281
I don't even see what one has to do with the other.

>>9742290
>all women are dumb
>all forms of onion besides mine are wrong
You're dense.

>>9742582

>>9742639
We have only just begun

>>9742299
do you think generalizations are the same as opinions because the phrasing is similar? I don't get it

>>9741213
soygirl?

>>9741594
self_inducted_abortion.webm
>>9741712
enough cheese pizza to put you away for life

>>9740217
He's a millionaire with a chain of restaurants in places like dubai and new york. I don't think his peers laugh much at all.

>>9739598
A-Are the crabs already dead?

>>9740132
>when you introduce your 2d gf to your parents

>>9743141

>>9740871
>all this fucking shit
>when you could just have a regular eggs

is this against vegans?

>>9742582

Watching these is like watching a horror flick. I just know something terrible is about to happen, but I just don't know what and the magnitude of it.

>>9741779
>juicy

>>9742802
I will help ya, this is a jack appreciation thread now

>>9743362
>jets his face out towards the food while simultaneously flailing his tongue

i can't i hate him so much

>>9743365
This. Dumb motherfucker doesn't know how to cook OR eat.

>>9739993
>t. crustacean neuroscientist

>>9743365
>>9743442

>>9741366

>>9741531
everytime i see that webm i think of that stream

>>9741490
what is being made here?

>>9743763
legit thought that was ethan

>>9739594
The miracle of birth. Praise God.

>>9739328
to keep in rhythm

>>9743814
Ice-cream cakes I think

>>9741779
>>9741890
I fell for this meme when I was younger. It was awful. "One-pot" does not work with pasta.
>gummy noodles
>slimy starch "sauce"
>soggy yet crunchy onions
>tomatoes with firm skin sliding around

>>9739598
This machine is the dimension that the Event Horizon warped into. But you know. For crabs.

>>9744064
>devine

>>9744084

>>9739322
This entire time I thought the salt image was of Robert Downey Jr.

>>9744064
Why is that bacon throbbing?

>>9744096
Her bacon doesn't throb

>>9744093
you're not alone

>>9739718
It still looks like shit too because there are no colors. I bet an angry amerilard made this video

>>9742582
what's wrong with that? It's just slow poached eggs

>>9744089
did jack and joey ever getting together to make something truly awful?

>>9739175
I heard you like cheesy stuff

>>9741334
based salt bae

>>9741779
inb4 mods ban you for ja/ck/ posting.
I got banned for three days for this shit.

>>9744038
I think this webm made me ovulate just by watching.
And I'm a man.

>>9739598
>>9743113
The crabs are already dead though. That's pretty clear

>>9744568
>I'm a man
Let's not go overboard here, numale.

>>9744426
No peppers, onions, or mushrooms? That meatball sub is unworthy of the bone zone.

>>9744580
Soyboy.

>>9744064
The way they utilize bold lettering makes me uncomfortable the same way sonic mpreg makes me uncomfortable. Extreme autism

>>9743362
that tongue is disgusting but i'll be damned if that pizza doesn't look good

>>9744614
The best part about that video is picturing him sticking that tongue in his wife's gooey stink wrinkle.

>>9739598
For me it's crab legs

>>9744059

>>9741696
So, is Jack really this much of a retard, or is it mostly an act for his channel? I honestly can't tell. I always laugh, and wince, at the webms posted ... and I truly want to believe he is this stupid because that makes it great.

>>9744103
came at .37

>>9744064
>cheese's (possessive)
>DEVINE

>>9744426
Modern camera editing cannot save how shit every part of that was.

>>9744043
that cheddar is sharper then the fucking knife

>>9745006
*than

>>9739328
noone cared who he was before he started tapping the knife

>>9743233
Man, I am really thinking about buying a body pillow. Non-anime though. For now...

>>9740130
>He evidently won't dine alone with any woman not his wife, or go unaccompanied to any event that serves alcohol.
>>9742271
>it's almost as though hes aware of his inherent flaws as a human

Frankly, those behaviours sound more like somebody who's a recovering alcoholic and sex addict. Most people don't have to avoid being tempted to do something they'll regret, because they can still just not do it. Completely avoiding a situation in which temptation might occur is literally the primary defense mechanism social drug addicts are advised to adopt.

>>9745194
>dug addicts
Or the very religious. You're raised from birth to believe the dangers of temptation, it's an ingrained behavior that is very hard to change. But at the end of the day who cares? He's living a moral life the way he sees fit so good on him.

>>9739945
It's what will happen if you don't stop playing with yourself.

>>9740132
I love how the other two are involed with the joke.

They are involed, right?

>>9739328
>Fill it with cheese
>Still dry
heh

>>9741779
Is he using an electric pepper grinder?
Modernity was a mistake, I want to go back

>>9742252
Anime is fucking awful

>>9745530
You must eat all the eggs.

>>9745535
Did he die?

>>9745514
If you only ever do a light sprinkle of black pepper on your food then I can see that being unnecessary. But there are times where I've made dishes with lots of black pepper and thought about getting an electric grinder. There's nothing wrong with technology making things faster and easier. I'm sure you enjoy just being able to turn a knob and get a hot oven instead of having to start a fire and then testing it to make sure it's the right temperature every time.

>>9741890
Yes and no.
Finishing pasta in the sauce, as well as adding a little pasta water to your sauce (boil your pasta in as little water as possible) both are great
but you should actually make the sauce separately before you do it

>>9744057
There is a way to make it work but it isn't fucking this
>sticking large pasta in a room temperature pot full of water

You have to use a smaller pasta and treat it like rice

>>9739598
Quake 4.webm

>>9739175
>full sleeve tattoos
>virgin's interpretation of roasties

>>9739680
Beat you to it buddy.
>>9745680

>>9744059
top kek

>>9741334
Oh, if he was just pretending to be retarded then its okay

>>9739598
>there will eventually be a generation of people who really don't know where meat comes from because nobody actually handles the animals
world war 3 when

>>9745709
>there will eventually be a generation of people who really don't know where meat comes from because we'll have cultured lab-grown meat
we'll probably have zoos or farms for people to visit and learn that we used to kill animals for their meat and we'll look back on doing that as pretty brutal and be glad that we don't have to kill for food anymore and then we'll start treating each other better and play games in virtual reality and stuff

>>9742234
>>9742212
I prefer "finger removal tutorial.webm"

>>9743113
>>9744576
Looks like a demonstration. Something like that could go on a ship so they could prepare and package crabs right when they're caught.

>>9745162
What other kind is there...

>>9744043
>cutting through the packaging
>the same packaging that's been handled by countless people and run across 100s of miles and sat around for who knows how long at the store

>>9745713
its not like even if labgrown meat becomes popular meat from animals will be outlawed, it will just become the next gmo/soy/whatever else scare. we are heading toward rapture farms tier dystopia

>>9745740
Regular dakimakura, not love dakimakura.

>>9744043
JUST OPEN THE FUCKING PACKAGING AND TAKE THE CHEESE OUT BEFORE YOU CUT IT, IS THAT SO HARD

>>9745740

>>9744043
Why is he not putting it upright? It would be so much easier to cut.

>>9739175
why does that turkey have a pussy cut into it? it looks fucking disgusting.

>>9745246
yeah, that looks like a pretty fuckin comfy family... im jealous

>>9745408
i know it's a classic southern dish, but.... is this guy retarded?

>>9739598
What have we become...

>>9746136
What's it called? It looks absolutely disgusting.

>>9745539
No, but he started growing feathers.

>>9744497
I do it all the time and never get banned, you must be doing something else

>>9744426
>don't forget the valuable greasey bag shot

>>9744497
If you don't know how to evade a 4chan ban you shouldn't be posting here.

>>9746325
how do u do it

>>9746166
Lol, nice one mate.

>>9745723
>Cutting out the black man

>>9739849
Wait, how the fuck the drips turn into square from circles? Is this meme magic?

>>9746702
He didn't want to trigger the entire site.

>there are """people""" who will defend the consumption of dangerous raw meat

>>9746735
Those are jack-tier fork skills

>>9746152
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qf_W7As6xbk

>>9746166
There are people in the cancer thread who will believe this.

>>9746735
What the fuck did they do to that yolk? Is it some kind of vegan fake?

>>9746749

>200+ replies
>No surly king of the egg fort

Fresh Fish

>>9743814
VIENETTA my friend
The ice cream cake of royalty

>>9744426
>burning the sauce like that

Jesus

Need some ideas for what to make with turkey leftovers

>>9745817
>missiles
>brrrt

>>9746750
>What the fuck did they do to that yolk? Is it some kind of vegan fake?
It might've dried out a bit, it normally has a thin outer layer but it shouldn't be that tough

>>9744686
It's both, which is what makes it confusing. He's legitimately a bad person in some ways and has absolutely no idea what he's talking about with most subjects, but instead of trying to learn he embraces it and plays it up at the same time.

>>9739598
>>9741296
what kind of idiot would kill their crabs prior to putting them through processing if they don't have to? shellfish goes bad FAST. and they aren't the same thing as a large farm animal.

these guys are probably just very cold. ectothermic animals tend to move slower, and act more docile when they're cold because that's all their metabolism can handle at low temperatures.

>>9744057
couldn't you just put ingredients in at different times based on whatever needs more/less time or liquid? what if you used fresh pasta instead of dry?

>>9745713
The is a joke right? Because that's some nice fantasy you have there.

>>9747288
You don't know what an A10 is?

>>9746149
What's wrong with quicker deaths?

>>9746836
>TFW people got so angry, Jack had to remake the dish
Brits don't like when you fuck around with Yorkshire pudding.

>>9746758
Oh no, heaven forbid we post at least somewhat original material. No, let's go back to Surly King and then 249 fucking Jack pics you worthless anime poster.

>>9739620
glad you noticed that

>>9739849
been there, its worth the $300+ tip

>>9745740
N-nothing weird or anything.

>>9739328
it was 7 times bitch

>>9747798
>he couldn't perceive the other 11 hyper-taps

>>9743362
How can this fucking butterball be so bad at eating? Even worse, I've never seen him do a single thing that I'd want to emulate.

>>9746325
teach me your ways senpai

>>9747823

>>9745420
Damn she is one hungry bitch

So is Jack doing all this shit ironically or is he being completely serious? And if he's serious, how does he take it being told that he sucks because I suppose people should bash him hard for being shit.

>>9745420
Think about that big sloppy oily poop that's gonna poke out of her powdered little balloon knot after consuming all those steaks (I'm imagining it being powdered *sniggers*)

Mouth is watering Imagining the whole thing sliding into my gaping lips, the undigested oils dripping off and down my face. The first bite, oh that first bite would be amazing. I can Just imagine it being packed as tight as a Vienna sausage but bigger, stickier, and most definitely stinkier!

>>9747840
he deletes the comments

>>9747842
Cool pasta fagmaster

>>9747840
Yeah he just deletes comments/doesn't allow ratings now. But he used to not do that and sometimes would reply to trolls. It was always a lame reply but at least you know it got to him.

>>9747840

>>9747840

>>9747840
.

>>9747870
>>9747875
>>9747876
No one cares.

>>9746254
also great in reverse

>>9747877
clearly at least one person does you dip

>>9747877

>>9739396
Im sad jackes de la merde just revealed herself as a bored line cook chick, got his 15 minutes of fame in social media and stopped doing this

>>9739339
They love garlic and spring onion too

>>9739598
this is like quake 4 if the marines were crabs

>>9741696
>>9744686
He actually lives less than a half an hour away from me. He is retarded.

>>9746749
>inb4 mods ban you for ja/ck/ posting.
I get irrationally triggered by people who attempt to make "food porn" and cut yolks/lava cakes with terrible fork/knife skills.

>>9746757
wait, how did he cut the hand holding the knife?

>>9744089
Wow fake eggs

>>9748150
thats nice, dear.

>>9747662
Fucking this.

>>9748209
was that olive oil at the end?
jesus...

>>9747829
USE THE TONGS YOU FUCK

>>9747876
This explains a lot.

>>9739849
First food presentation I'd call genuine art.

>>9748228
>was that olive oil at the end?
yes

>>9746735
>raw meat

>>9748369

>>9748369
>>9748349
fucking thumbnails, any idea why this is happening? My first few webms converted nicely.

>>9748301
He doesn't actually have Down's he just acts like it

>>9745734
you dont want to do that, lose freshness and half the time they're on huge fucking waves going up/down... it's way easier to just put them alive in water below deck until you get back to port

>>9746735
>there are """people""" who will defend living in 3rd world countries with no food safety laws

cant even get salmonella from the chickens growns in my country

>>9748163
pushed his thumb on the edge nearest the grip like a dumb fuck cus he isnt holding the knife properly

>>9748440
>>9748444
Whats the point in reposting these again and again? Is it because you made them and you want people to appreciate the effort it took? There cant be a single person who hasn't seen them, just make new ones for fuck sake.

>>9748449
Cry harder faggot

>>9748448
How is he so bad at all of these kitchen convenience gadgets?

>>9748460
he's too retarded to cut a flat bottom on the potato to stand on

i bet he would buy a fucking appliance to solve that instead of just slicing it once

>>9748460
He forms opinions before he tries something and if he thinks it's dumb he tries his hardest to make it look dumb. He's a brainlet.

>>9748469
He also fucks up expensive things, too.

>>9748323
Is it? What deeper feeling of the artist does this contain? The little part of himself, the spark of his inspiration that should inhabit any worthwhile art.

To me, this webm always looks like some well-trained servers organizing food in a vaguely funky-abstract artsy pattern. It just looks interesting. But there is no deeper meaning behind this. This is a nice novelty, but noone will look at that for a few minutes and afterwards feel a definite change in his own self. And I very much know, that the exact definition of what art is, is a topic of much debate. But, personally I think at least a tiny spark of inspiration should be in it to be considered truly artful in contrast to skillful.

>>9748478
>To me, this webm always looks like some well-trained servers organizing food in a vaguely funky-abstract artsy pattern
this

>>9745535
This guy's gonna make it

>>9748478
The pattern is pre-arranged, you can see the white liquid taking on the square shapes of the template underneath

>>9747859
Does he have an irrational fear of heat or something?

Every webm where I see him using direct heat he always has it on low, even when trying to "sear" something.

>>9748508
that's a lot of grease

>>9748518
could also be liquid from the meat sauce, doesnt have to be grease.

>>9748508
Matty is the best.

>>9748652
he seems like a genuine guy

>>9748694
Fug. Those are some perfect looking classic cheeseburgers. How did I miss that episode

>>9748402
this makes me feel weird

>>9748453
at least the oil is hot

>>9748530
watch the video, he uses a LOT of oil

>>9748736
idk because it went viral and basically launched his career with Vice

currently making webms guys, give me video suggestions

>>9748694
Agreed. Kind of a mans man but with heart. A humble guy as well.

>>9748797
comfy videos from Gordon and Jamie

>>9745747
This
It is really disgusting, you need to wash the package first

>>9748805
*moans*

that's all for now, I'll make some more for the next thread

>>9748900
Just got done watching a bunch of Cooking With Hoarders videos a bit ago. Classics.

>>9748349
C-code?

>>9748977
KAWD-588

>>9748983
You are a true gentleman anon

>>9745420
Steak?
That's easy.

>>9748397
I'm not sure who was more wrong; the guy holding it at the wrong angle or the cheese guy for not telling him.

>>9748428
Only in America.

>>9749199
*SOUTH america

>>9748440
>"that'll be $50 sir"

>>9748454
>zero knife taps
Clearly an amateur.

>>9749199
You're not wrong.

Weird combos or reinventions are fucking king here.

>>9748267
>using tongs at all
You don't turn salmon, you let it cook on the skin side

>>9747859
>dollar steak

I don't care how much you hate well done steaks, you do NOT eat that shit anywhere close to rare.

>>9746152
Aunt Myrna Party Cheese Salad

>>9741490
>>9739598
Seeing this kind of stuff makes me angry. Why was the fruit not shared with everyone?

>>9750347
What in the jesus fuck is going on here?

>>9750347
are those baby eels?

>>9750347
what the fuck

>>9748209
Never seen that kind of hotdog here. We usually use corn, a tomato salad with vinaigrette, ketchup, mustard, mayo (on the buns) and pommes pailles.

>>9747056
Eh, it's just nerves aimlessly firing at that point, there's zero actual life left in the fish. That being said, that's pretty fucking cool.

>>9748530
It's definitely grease my man.