/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>9727233
"That looks good"

"Wow that's huge"

>Ummm, excuse me.
>What dish is that table over there having?

>>9727233
>theres a kid
>adult asks them "will you be able to finish that ha-ha"

"Enjoy your food"

"y-you too"

>>9727233
I need the follow up picture of the guy on the left just plowing the shit out of the waitress.

>that one relative that keeps asking everyone if they want to swap bites

>waiter brings bone hurting juice
>everyone goes "ouch oof owie"

>>9727233
>waiter brings wine to table
>uncorks and pours a tasting for whoever spoke the order
>"ah yes this is very good"

I guarantee you 50% of people on this board don't even understand the purpose of the tasting pour.

I always say "nice" when the waiter arrives with food

Thanks, Steve

>>9727327
What is the purpose of it?

>>9727233
>haven’t had time to even take a bite
>waiter walks up
>how is everything?

>>9727233
>waiteress brings food
>drop fork
>look up her skirt and kiss her toes a little bit
Anyone else do this?

>>9727332
To test for corking

>>9727332

You're supposed to ask "is this all I get, for 30 bucks?" when the taste pour is given to you it's customary

>>9727332
The waiter farted in the glass beforehand and the tasting allows you to get the most authentic french experience

>waiter bring foods
>everyone starts clapping

>>9727312
Why?

>>9727336
its considered an insult to the waitress if you dont do this in my country

>>9727332
Unironically it's because occasionally a wine cork will have a flaw that allows the entire bottle to become spoiled or "corked." You aren't tasting for the quality of the wine, after all you ordered it by name. You are just tasting to make sure it hasn't become literally undrinkable vinegar. I cringe when people comment on how good the wine tastes (while obviously knowing nothing about wine) because the implicit question is not "do you like this" but "does this taste like what you ordered."

>Waiter drops off food
>"Here you guys go!"
>You immediately realize they forgot (or you forgot) a vital item
>Waitress has already dashed 50 feet across the dining room
>She doesn't come back again to check on things for 20+ mins

>>9727304
>waiter sits down and eats with you

>>9727333
>I've spent the first 10 minutes chatting instead of eating
>Waiter walks up
>How is everything?

Fucking dickhead, am I right?

>>9727312
What's wrong with this?
>go out to pub with dad and brothers
>trade food with each other
>get to see what everything tastes like so I know what I want next time

>>9727403
>>9727493
He's just autistic or something. Family interactions scare him.

>waiter brings food to table
>everyone goes "ooooh, wow"

You finally figured out that only normie retards eat in restaraunts

>>9727246
I get that a lot

>waiter brings food to the tablet
>people abruptly stop their conversation
>sit silently as the waiter sets down the plates making no eye contact at all
>resume right where they left off when the waiter walks away

>>9727475
this actually happened to me on my birthday, he found out it was my birthday and thought he'd just be one of the gang by forcing himself into the conversation and sitting with us.
It was pretty awful.

>waiter brings food to the table
>"don't touch the plates they are hot!"
>first thing I do when the waiter walks away is touch the plate

>>9727478
Have you never had a busboy or other waiter serve your food? Then your main waiter walks up 2 seconds later
>How is everything looking
yeah looks fuckin good, how about give us a second to take a bite

>>9727674
I wanted to know if he was lying

>>9727661
Do waiters feel bad when that happens?

>waiter gives you a hug
>can feel her small boobies on your tummy
>everyone else in the restaraunt looks upset they didn't get hugs

>order two pizzas
>there's not enough space on the table for the two pizzas
>waiter stacks them on a single plate
>mfw

>waiter asks if you want to take the rest of your meal with you
>say yes
>"too bad"
>walk home empty handed

>Everyone is eating, until Auntie gets that look when it's loud and it's time for her to ask that question
>"So anon, why don't you have a gf yet?"
>Huh?
>"WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A GF YET?"

I hate restaurants.

>waitress is friendly to us
>have to remind my friend that she is in fact not hitting on him but is just being nice because it's her job

>waiter gives you his phone number

>go to Whataburger
>cashier is a nice old woman who's super bubbly in that nice Texas way
>bants with me over my order
>"bun or Texas toast"
>Texas toast pls ma'am
>"haha i'm glad you made the right choice"
>tells me about the politics of why the chip reader doesn't work at any of the Whataburgers
>ask for a water cup because i was cycling
>gives me one and leans over, says "i won't tell no one if you get soda, dear"
>get water because i don't drink cancer juice
>"if you need anything just ask, alright sweetie"
>was very excited to bring me my order
sometimes i really like living here

>Too full to finish your salad?
>Too full for dessert!

>>9727819
I live in fl and for the most part whataburger is like this nearly every time. Shit’s tight.

>>9727744
>>"So anon, why don't you have a gf yet?"
>"I dunno, why don't you have another husband yet?"

>>9727847
there's some peoples of African decent who work at mine unfortunately so i usually have to deal with that shit but hopefully this old lady is a permanent thing

>watching some black girl bust her ass and spill the napkin/ketchup thing everywhere
she looked so angry and it was very amusing

>>9727394
I don't see the issue with this one.

>>9727679
They are checking to make sure you got the right orders, that they didn't forget anything, that you don't need any extra sauces or whatever. They don't care if you like the taste if you got what you ordered. In fact if you are going to eat the food and THEN complain about it they would rather just avoid you.

>>9727661
Im like this too, i have no actual idea why. Its like theres nothing to be said in that moment.

>Ordering dessert while your partner just gets coffee
> "oh and I think I'll get two spoons with that ...just in case"and wink at partner
> waiter grins, we all laugh

Two spoons ;)

>>9727753
I have a desperate robot friend who does this. It's genuinely sad.

>>9727986
At least 50% of the virgins on this board would do exactly the same thing. More than just being sad I'm starting to see it as a massive social problem, like what the fuck is wrong with people who are so sexually undesirable that they think every interaction is flirting? Why don't they learn? It's fucking embarrassing to be in a restaurant or bar with someone who is like that. I don't want to conclude "guess it just sucks to be friends with autists" but I guess you can't take them out to eat. Oh well, they'd just order chicken fingers anyway.

>>9727982
>charges you for two desserts
classic

>>9727753
>>9727986
>>9728007
I know a guy who thinks bartenders are flirting with him. They then "hang out" with him after work and he thinks they want the dick but all they want is free drinks and cocaine. He's constantly hung over and broke.

>>9727312
>HEY ANON, TRY THIS!
>scoops a big lump of their dish and places it on your plate

>>9727661
I do this and I don't really know why.

>>9727279
>be short and skinny
>have to hear this shit every time I'm out eating with family until I'm 16 years old

And God forbid I get a takeout container. I'll never hear the end of it. But of course nobody says a damn word to Uncle Joe who also failed to clean his plate and got a to-go box.

>>9727674
>waitress sets my plate down with their bare hands
>"careful the plate is hot!"
Yeah, if your pampered manicured hands that you pay for with your $400 a night in tips can handle it, I think I'll be ok.

>>9727661
Because I consider my conversation with my family private.

Even if I'm talking about nothing, even if I have 10 family members with me.

I don't want some rando fuck with no trade skills to know how my week is going.

>>9727674
>touch plate
>is actually scalding hot
>burn fingers
>have to play it off like nothing happened so i don't look like a doofus

>>9728019
oh my fucking cunt, if a waiter did that

>nobody else at the table is drinking so you have a bottle of wine by yourself and have to listen to comments about it like it's a lot.

>>9727329
>not bringing your own lunchtray and demanding the food be laid out on it.

>>9728069
>touch plate
>it’s actually scorching hot
>waiter looks at you like your just escaped from your handler
>”I warned you!”

>>9728125
>decide to have some wine and people get all anal about it because my dad was an alcoholic and so that means i must be as well

mine is every one of my beta friends saying "thank you" to every little thing the server does

or my dad's fave "do you take orders or do you just give them!?"

>>9728137
haha, your dad sounds awesome

>>9728137
>or my dad's fave "do you take orders or do you just give them!?"

I don't get it.

>>9727548
Are you a girl?

>>9728137
>mine is every one of my beta friends saying "thank you"
w-what are the appropriate times to thank them, anon

>>9728137
Sounds like a class gap between you and your friend. In Society, when speaking to service people, "thank you" just indicates acknowledgement and dismissal, as in "thank you, that will be all."

>>9728215
No you piece of shit.

>>9727736
>reply; "that's what you think"
>proceed to pull a zip lock bag from my coat pocket and scrape the contents of my plate into it.

>>9728108
>"Careful sir, the plate is hot."

>>9728224
Enjoy never feeling fully comfortable in luxury environments.

>Waiter brings piping hot soup to the table
>He trips and spills it all over customers
>Everyone goes "Oooh, ow!"

>that person who always try to feed you their leftovers
>do you want to try some of mine
>no thanks
>do you want to try some of mine
>no
>a minute later
>do you want some of mine?
>I said no
>a few minutes later
>do you want to have some of mine
>MOM I SAID NO

>>9728224
look at this rude low-life piece of crap.

>>9728274
based mom.

>>9727329
>gf finally got mad at me because I always say “ahh, coffee instant” after taking a sip even though I don’t drink instant.

>waitress brings appetizers over
>give her a knee-trembler in the handicap stall 15 minutes later

>>9728289
You are already becoming a dad.

>waiter is hitting on me, putting her hands on me, squeezing my shoulders, etc.
>can't tell her I'm gay because I'm dining with my mom

>>9728306
kek

>>9727329
>always say "goin in" before taking the first bite
Thanks reviewbrah!

>at restaurant with small menu
>order regular thing on the menu, nothing special about it
>30 minutes later the people who arrived after me are eating
>getting pissed off
>waiter says she's sorry and that it'll be out soon
>another few minutes passes and she brings out my food
>it's cold like it had been sitting on the rack all this time
>notice she's been really nice to everyone but me
>rack my brain trying to figure out what i did to deserve this
>would ordinary be really pissed off but feel like crying instead
>never go back even though i really like the food and it's near my house

>>9728349
probably just ugly

>>9728349
>>9728358
Damnit. I mean it was probably just a fluke. I'm such a meanposter sorry.

>>9728358
>>9728360
i also feel like it was because i'm ugly

>>9727674
I do this while they're still right there next to the table.

>>9727304
I fucking did this the other day and it’s all because of this fucking meme

>>9728306
don't be such a faggot

>>9728364

>>9728349
>>9728289
>>9728274
>>9727863
>>9727819
>>9727744
>>9727661
>>9727451
>>9727419
>>9727329
>>9728328
>>9727271

What a comfy thread. Thanks lads

>>9728364
It's funny how often ugly people mistake a lack of personal grooming for losing the genetic lottery.
Not that many people completely lose the genetic lottery.
Normalfags can tell the difference between someone who's just ugly and someone who doesn't understand what being presentable in public means.
To normalfags, the latter means that you're a slob who can't take care of himself.
No one is going to take the time out of their day to tell you that you look like shit, much less how to improve yourself.

>>9728024
>bartenders want free drinks

>>9728389
i lift, am not fat, and pretty clean cut
sorry

>>9728231
operator as fuck

>>9728231
Out fucking skilled

>>9727704
I noticed it when I was a waiter, but I never really cared because I had too many other things to worry about. A lot of people do it, if that makes you feel better.

Very uncomfortable thread. It's too relatable.

>>9728069
> $400 a night in tips
Whatever you need to tell yourself to justify being too poor to tip

>>9727704
as a waiter I feel 0 emotions about anything while working

>>9728253
There is nothing worse than going to a nice restaurant with a pleb. They get so fucking touchy and awkward with the staff, it's like they don't know how to handle themselves outside of a god damm McDonalds

>>9728371
Forgot to type the part about
>Hey son I think she wants you to ask her out

>family dinner
>people commenting on the size of my plate regardless if it's big or small every single time

REEEE LEAVE ME ALONE

>>9728555
Trips don't lie. I think one of the reasons a lot of classless people throw a fit and complain about everything, refuse to tip, behave inappropriately towards staff, etc. in restaurants is because they are overcompensating for not being comfortable with the service relationship by trying to act like they know what it means to be in charge.

>>9727327
>50%
More like 90%. Who the fuck spends $30 to taste some overpriced wine

>>9727233
>Gets triggered by people expressing excitement at being able to consume the food that they ordered

What the fuck is wrong with you aspies?

>>9727233
Would you prefer if they said "What the fuck this looks like shit. I wanna speak to the manager"?

>>9728607
Is this supposed to be some kind of meme? You only need to do a tasting if you are ordering a whole bottle. If the bottle is already open because they are only serving you a glass, someone else has already tasted it.

>>9728274
you sound repressed

>>9728618
Good wine is so absurdly overpriced at restaurants that only the most pretentious among us order it at dinner

>You ruin the fanily Dinner because you out-Bantered your Dad

>>9728666
Yeah unlike the food that is sold at precisely the wholesale cost of the ingredients and not a penny more

>>9727975
>be americlap

>>9728671
Actual skill and labor went into making the food, unlike a corked bottle of wine

>>9728666
You don't go to a restaurant to get bargain food and drink. Eat and have your wine at home if you can't afford it.

>>9728691
Being able to sit in a restaurant doesn't come without a cost you know. And it's not like beer and mixed drinks from the bar aren't marked up to the same extent.

>>9728691
>unlike a corked bottle of wine
If they served you a corked bottle of wine, they certainly wouldn't make you pay for it.

>>9728397
I guess that means you lost the genetic lottery. Sucks to be you senpai

>>9728224
naw, that anon is right.

>>9727342
But the wine can't be corked. They just uncorked it. That's how they got the wine out of the bottle, and into the glass.

>>9727336
Me 2

>>9728666
>he doesn't just bring his best wine from home and pay the corking fee.

>>9727744
Tell her you're gay.
In public is the best place to come out, she can't flip the fuck out without EVERYONE hating her

>>9728948
This is really only appropriate for a special occasion where you are going to drink a significant bottle. If you did it every week, it would be a red flag imo

>>9729057
so restaurants allow you to bring your own wine but not if you do it often?

>>9729092
No, I'm saying that as a fellow patron it would be a red flag for me. If you were a friend or potential lover or something, I would think you were extremely cheap and self-absorbed if you did that every time we went to a restaurant. But the restaurant wouldn't give a shit, they'd be getting $15 for free every time in corkage fee.

>>9729105
who pays a corking fee on wine that isn't as expensive or more than the wine that restaurant serves. do people actually bring Barefoot to nice places and make them cork it?

>>9728093
I guarantee you they don't give a shit about your conversation and will forget it within six seconds

>>9728395

They're alcoholics outside of work too, anon.

>>9728146
Soon :)

>excuse myself to the rest room
>shit in the urinal

Every. Damn. Time.

>>9727708
>boobies on tummy
>waiter

>Looking around cause current conversation is boring
>Make awkward eye contact with people at other tables

>>9727674
>order shephards pie at cheesecake factory
>CAREFUL ITS HOT
>try to grab the plate from him so he doesn't have to reach across the booth
>fucking snatches it back out of my hand
>I SAID ITS HOT
>left a dime that was on the floor as a tip and a note on a napkin
>careful it's hot
I hope he was fucking furious

>>9729230
I'd like to see that anime shit into a urinal

>>9727246
>"Wow that's huge"
goddamn it now I feel like a tool for saying this shit. FUCK YOU IT IS BIGGER THAN I THOUGHT AND I DONT WANT YOU THINKING IM A GLUTTON

>>9728132
This shit is getting unreal, everyone around me accuses me of being drunk for drinking 20 oz in half an hour, I'm losing friends for no mother fucking reason. The fucking problem is I can't even get drunk. I fucking hate life. Every fleeting moment of relief I get, I get shot down because "oh I smell beer don't fall in my house man don't come here if you're drunk."

Why do people do this?
If you do this to people, fucking explain yourself to me right now.

>>9729331
It's a reflex. If the waiter says the plate is hot, then it's most likely scorching hot and you'll probably grab it and
end up dropping it, and scorching your fingers in the process. Well done.

>>9727333
>when you have only tasted the side and the entree is clearly untouched

>>9729359
Nah. It's alright. I mean usually when they say it, it is huge. Everyone says it too.

Source: I'm a waiter at a Mexican restaurant that has some very big dishes.

>>9728274
fucking manlet, I eat the woman's leftovers every time

>when you eat your gfs leftovers
>when you are the friend who everyone gives their unwanted alcoholic drinks

>grandma only asks how my dish is when my mouth is full
>everyone looks at me laboriously chew for 5 seconds before I can answer

You fucking whore

>>9728364

>>9729410
>You fucking whore

Laughed pretty hard at this.

>>9728597
I think that is just a stupidity thing. Although, stupidity and poverty go hand in hand.

>>9729359
when will they learn?

>>9729379
Anon, you sound like you actually have a problem.

>>9729379
>t. raging alcoholic

>>9729379
Well why do you drink so much/often to begin with?

>>9728231
Hey, I've done this.
Waiter said they didn't do take-home boxes but had one anyway. Just asked them first to be polite and save me a ziplock.

>>9728515
Do most waiters dislike their job? Mine is such a nice break from my main job and school

>work at a family owned comfy Mexican Joint
>all the cooks are wise cracking
>all the waiters are jokesters
>waitresses are hot
>free food because cooks fuck up all the time
>managers always leave early so it's just 2 waiters and a supervisor closing

>>9729379
You sound like a depressed or angry drunk and nobody wants to be around people like that

>>9729493
40 Oz of beer an hour?
That's two mugs dude. These people think I'm going to hang around them without bringing my own drugs and beer and I'm taking 30-40 snarky ass fucking comments every time I touch the single 40 I brought.

I want to know why this offends people. It's a fucking beer. Why is the 40 ouncer so taboo? No one will say a fucking word if I drink that bud light garbage out of a can. I can't save money and have some pain relief?
Lupus/opiate allergy. It's fucking painful to NOT drink, I'm not getting drunk, I'm staving off physical handicaps.

Yes I have retarded friends but they have all turned on me for drinking three bottles a day, which actually takes me about 8 hours to do.

>>9729493
40 Oz of beer an hour?
That's two mugs dude. These people think I'm going to hang around them without bringing my own drugs and beer and I'm taking 30-40 snarky ass fucking comments every time I touch the single 40 I brought.

I want to know why this offends people. It's a fucking beer. Why is the 40 ouncer so taboo? No one will say a fucking word if I drink that bud light garbage out of a can. I can't save money and have some pain relief?
Lupus/opiate allergy. It's fucking painful to NOT drink, I'm not getting drunk, I'm staving off physical handicaps.

Yes I have retarded friends but they have all turned on me for drinking three bottles a day, which actually takes me about 8 hours to do.

>>9729508
Lupus and porphyria are two of the most aggressive and painful disorders on earth. I have every fucking right to have a beer and refuse opiates.

>>9729525
How fat are you? 40s have like 1000 calories. Why don't you switch to scotch or another hard alcohol? It's probably because 40s are for niggers as well. If you sipped scotch on ice no one would care.

>>9729536
145lbs 5'10

>>9729532
>It's fucking painful to NOT drink
please read this out loud to yourself

>>9729532
Buy Kratom

>>9729560
? You guys are confused.

Three fucking cans of beer an hour and all I hear is whining.
I hate to be a dickhead but that's judgemental as fuck, with you guys drinking hard alcohol etc. Rude.

>2.4 Fluid ounces of alcohol per bottle
>3 Bottles

Do the math. It's like 1.5 double shot glasses of shine. Six ounces. It's nothing, you guys just can't get it through your head that 97.5% of every beer I drink is water.
Asinine judgements on the table here because it takes me 8 hours to drink 7oz of liquor. Lol though.

>>9727419
Yeah but assuming the wine has gone bad, couldn't you still return it later, after the waiter has fucked off?

>empty plates on the table
>how was everything
>friend says "we hated everything"
EVERY.
FUCKING.
TIME.

>>9729638
>friend
Like, are they just being a funny cunt, the same way you'd say "Oh it must be free" in reference to an item that wont scan at the checkout?

>>9728669
>usually pretty quiet around family
>me, my parents and 3 sisters are out eating
>dad starts roasting me
>pipe up and start giving him back more than he can handle
>everyone at the table is sniggering besides him
>when he gets upset he gets VISIBLY upset
>face is pretty much turning purple
>doesn't talk to me for the rest of the meal, the drive home or that night when we got back
>mfw

>>9729654
yes, he's telling an old man joke and I'm embarrassed every time

>>9727744
perfect time to introduce your waifu to your family

>>9727305
Glad to see I am not the only one who immediately thought this.

>>9727312
I can understand not wanting to share, like a dog that growls and snaps when you get too close to their dish while they're eating, but this is a good way to taste things without ordering the entire fucking menu. My family always ordered different things specifically for this reason. Well, we got what we wanted but I always would pick out two to three items on the menu and if somebody else ordered one of those, I'd move on to decision number two just so we could share. Germophobes are paranoid retards.

>>9727822
This is one of the few things that trigger me.
>"I'm stuffed! Couldn't possibly have another bite..."
>"Would you like to hear about our deserts?"
Stupid fat aunt gets the chocolate cake and devours it.

>>9727304
>order Pizza, pay the delivery guy
>"enjoy your meal"
>first thing in my head is "Don't say 'you too'"
>just say goodbye for whatever reason
Am I autistic?

"wait, WAIT anon, let us take photos for instagram first!"

>>9729913
I hate people that do this unless they are asian
asian people can do this because their food is given exceptional presentations worth showing off

fucking white people taking pictures of meat and mashed potatoes with a slice of white bread

>>9727975
It's like clapping when the airplane lands.
Or at the end of a movie in the theater that clearly doesn't have the film-makers in attendance.

>>9728679
must be this

>Social Saldino

>>9727980
It's like all those new action movies when everything slows down for that panning slow-motion shot with everything flying around in the air and then goes back to normal speed.

>>9729937
You replied to an Asian. My Asian friends take photo of normal noodles, so this photo faggotry has no race.

>>9728032
I can see your point but I'm into trying everything so it doesn't bother me. Maybe weird organ parts or heads... but I'd probably try it if it came with such recommendation.

>waiter forgets the ladies' menu

>>9728132

It does tend to be genetic.
I've got it.
My parents don't. They've always been into wine and spirits and are in wine clubs. Had their own winery with friends, got a wine cellar and stuff. No problem with them.

But my grandma had it bad.
So does my sister.

Luck of the draw, I guess.

>>9729379
can't tell if serious
under-rated post

>>9728137
I say, "Thank you very much."
I do it all the time if it's something I've requested or something offered as extra. Stupid things like refilling ice-tea.
I don't think that's overkill, especially since some places charge for iced-tea refills. THAT gets me.

>>9729991
Very serious, I now have not one friend that doesn't flat out harass me for drinking beer.
This is what happens when you're autistic and refuse to say shit, no reason for me to explain that I drink when they watch me do it every day.
I'm dropping everyone, didn't even leave the house yesterday, why invite me to smoke some joints but tell me at the door to not come to your house if you're drunk? Backing up into isolation this winter and hitting up a new state around April.

>>9728137
>>9728215
My dad's an expert on etiquette (mostly in a fine dining setting, he's a diplomatic protocol guy) and when I asked him when you're supposed to thank a server he said "never".

>granddad orders champagne with breakfast

>>9729970
I know an asian guy, he smells like dried fish
it's not really pungent like its hard to be around, it's just sorta a distinct aroma that comes off his body which you can smell when really close

not sure why

>>9729510
I've never heard of a restaurant without doggie-bags. I remember there used to be bags that the boxes would go in with a dog printed on them...

Nowadays, I keep any of the durable plastic ones in various sizes and wash them up for my own left-overs or sending food home with my grandpa after cooking a big meal for us (he lives in a place with provided meals that suck).

>>9729991

>mother was an alcoholic
>father stopped drinking after I had to coast/navigate his drunk ass home from a party when I was 9

I got no problem drinking whatsoever. My drinking habits varies, sometimes I drink with friends like once a week and other times i'm sober for 4-6 months without even realizing it. I got a couple of guidelines I follow though:
1. NEVER drink in your own house alone
2. Never drink before 2pm
3. Eat well while drinking

>>9730013
lots of asians wash themselves with dried fish

>>9728610
This.
Maybe they are just impressed by the plating, after all.

>>9728610
we all know no one here goes to establishments that have impressive food

>>9730003
You're probably a dick when you drink.
If you're drinking as 'pain relief' it is/ it's going to become a serious problem.
Don't you like getting stoned? That's farrr better pain relief if you're trying to medicate yourself.

>>9730031
but wouldnt that make it wet fish O_o??

>>9729331

don't take stuff from the waiters' hands

>>9729155
That would actually be a funny thing to do.
Like 2-buck Chuck or something like Boone's.
Ha!
I'll have to remember that.

Is there a corkage fee for a bottle of root-beer?

>>9729220
>>9729230
>>9729240

>meanwhile, back on 4-chan...

>>9729404
>Source: I'm a waiter at a Mexican restaurant that has some very big dishes.

Like the waitresses.

>>9729605
Because that would be a waste of time when you could take care of any objectionable situation right then and there.

Pretty sure that's why.

>>9729913
The dishes in that photo don't look photo-worthy.
My mom would do this at big family gatherings but that was always because of the fancy presentation and settings and probably to get some kind of family portrait.

>waiter walks to table
>everyone ready for bantz
>an hour of Andy Dick-tier roasting

>>9729990
Oh man, I've been single for so long I actually forgot about those!

>Avenida GENT

>>9728389
I shower every day, wear clean clothes, and wear deodorant.

>>9730062
>probably a dick
>autistic, say absolutely nothing to anyone

>$20 A gram weed
>can't budget for it

These are the assumptions that anger me. I'm no pissy drunk because I'm ill and pissed off on 4chan, but you give me every right to be by making assumptions about me.

My first point? I drink 1-2 gallons of beer a day. If you think that I can still get drunk somehow, you don't understand tolerance. Your assumptions can stay behind that 'post' button because you're telling me how I pissed off a drunk I am, an anonymous man, on 4chan when I haven't drank in several days.

Do you not understand how these random taboo circumstances you generate from thin air could offend someone?

If you have legitimate concern for an alcoholic, you don't fucking walk up to him and flat out insult him for his habits do you? It's a more precarious and delicate operation than that, friend, because your harassment will ONLY cause the person whose personal life you invaded to retaliate and drink harder to help forget the fact that everyone around him treats him like shit because he uses a simple liquid to treat pain, depression and boredom.

I mean just fuck off. Other people's imbibement habits are of absolutely no concern to you.

>>9730003
I believe you're serious. Couldn't tell, but after seeing some of your other replies, I believe. Keep on keeping on. The dropping everybody may or may not be a good thing, like crazy religious friends who get all critical based on their own weird beliefs and not facts.
Tread with caution on the drinking for relief, though. The amounts you're talking about doesn't sound so bad except for the empty calories since our metabolisms change over time.

>>9730011
Breakfast or brunch?

Also, Granddads automatically have an immunity card to this.

>>9730013
When the Europeans first came to where I live (California) the native population would avoid them because they smelled like wheat and bread (not because of all the mass slaughter and enslavement).

>>9730116
It's pretty much just water to me.

Dechlorinated water. Which I don't have much access to. And I'm severely allergic to chlorine.
I'm not trying to make mentality excuses, the reasons are purely for my own safety and muscle entropy/pain relief. Beer at day, quarter gallon of spring water at night.

>>9730121
Breakfast, he says it only tastes right early in the morning or late in the evening.

>>9730112
Are you autistic or 4chan autistic?

>>9730022
Lucky.

Though I am an alcoholic I can go the same amounts of time as well without. But when I do, it's always at home and always alone. Mainly because I want to get DRUNK and not have to worry about anybody else. Always after all responsibilities are taken care of so it's always after 2pm, usually later at night. Gotta take care of everything around the house. Get something to do set up beforehand like creative projects and a good meal. So I'm 2 out of 3 on your guidelines...

>>9730064
dry soap?

>go to maid cafe because its a must do in japan
>loud drunk aussies roll in
>takes pictures all the time even though there are signs everywhere saying "NO PICTURES"
>make eye contact with some japs next to us
>we shake our heads and laugh at those fucking gaijins

another one from akihabara as well:
>go to MOS BURGER
>get a rice as bread burger because everything is made from rice in japan
>sit down
>NEET jap on the table over is watching anime on his laptop

>>9730112
Ok anon, I can see you're having a rough time and i'm sorry for being rude.
Good luck finding some happiness.

>>9727327

I know you test for corking, but if you go off an recommendation from the waiter/sommelier, is it not for taste as well?

My dad is a huge wino and knows his shit, so I'm familiar with the etiquette - however I'm a pleb myself who loves wine but knows fuck all about most.

>>9730128
He might be on to something there.

>>9730133
Actual savage autistic. I go back and shock myself when I see how mean I am. That's the way we play here though.

>>9727233
>Waitress brings me a salad instead of what I ordered
>Oops, seems like I made a mistake haha

>waiter recites the specials for the day
>have to pretend like you're interested and nod along and comment "oh that sounds good"
>order the same thing you always do

>>9730112
>Other people's imbibement habits are of absolutely no concern to you.
lel, then why are you spouting off to strangers about your habits?
this is hilarious >>9729580
>you guys just can't get it through your head that 97.5% of every beer I drink is water.
you can't get drunk off of 2.5% ABV beer? what a shocker!
More like you can't do arithmetic, or even read the label on your 40oz bottle.
Keep shitting up the thread, mongoloid.

>order assada from a mexican restaurant
>it's one sliver of meat,paper thin
>17 dollars
fuck Mexican restaurants

>>9729907
Where are you going that they offer deserts?

>>9727336

>>9729184
I know bartenders, they all fucking do shots all day long, smashed by the end of their shift. Most bartenders are hardcore alcoholics

>>9727674
every mexican restaurant

>>9728137
>saying "thank you" for service is beta

You're just a fucking sperg, that's all

>>9728899
I said no anon.

>>9729907
Would you care for a waffa thin mint?

>>9729937
>fucking white people taking pictures of meat and mashed potatoes with a slice of white bread

That's blantantly a joke picture you goober.

>hey waiter could you take a picture of us taking a picture of our food haha :^)))

>>9727744
>"so anon, still a virgin?"
>they all start laughing

>Sit down at table.
>Open utensil bouquet.
>Notice spots and ask for new ones.
>This happens 3-4 times until I have to settle and just eat everything with a toothpick I brought.

>>9728376
Thanks for making it uncomfy

>>9730142
Wow anon how can i become as cool as you?

>waiter brings food to table

This one friend of mine I always eat with will spin my plate around to to find the most photogenic angle then push his food near mine and then I get bombarded with snapchats and Instagram inclusions.
I'm normally drunk and my powers are useless.

>>9729532
I'm sorry to hear anon. I get a lot of bone and joint pain and have trouble sleeping without some alcohol. I feel you.

>>9727246
4u?

>>9727233
>Waiter is busy
>Dad getting impatient
>Tells bus boy he would like to order

>>9729909
I mean shit how hard it is to just say "thanks"

>>9727819
thank you based southern hospitality

>>9730517

>>9728269
kek

>>9728364
A friendly smile goes a long way anon...

>>9729410
top kek

>>9729580
it sounds like you may just be an asshole man

>>9727419
>only able to enjoy wine by the bottlefull

>>9730625
whatever you say

>>9730008
my dad works for nintendo

>>9728474
Butthurt waiter detected.

>>9729331
I don't get it, do waiters think they have some magic exception to burning themselves on hot plates?

>>9730797
No, we're just tired of watching customers do what you are describing, burning themselves, and then making a huge mess when they drop the food. You might not have been ready for and expecting the heat but trust me, most people aren't. We can't magically judge your heat-handling skills so we assume you're like the other 95% of humanity. We also wonder why you went to grab the plate after we just got done telling you not to.

>>9730275
Whoops.
The Mojave, I guess.

>>9730384
"No I couldn't possibly... Well... Maybe just a taste."

>>9730391
Yeah, it looks like a photo they're gonna use when they get back to the office for their latest blog posting on what ironic foodies they are.

>>9729410
>shovel ton of stuffing into my mouth one thanksgiving
>grandma singles me out and asks how the food is, knowing full well my mouth is full of soggy bread and vegetables
>stare her right in the eyes and leisurely chew my food until I'm ready to swallow
>takes a good 30 seconds
>take a swig of water and exhale
>"Food's great, grandma. Thank you!"
>alcoholic uncle almost falls out of his chair laughing

simpler times

>>9730398
You need one of those Swiss-Army-Knife styled camping utensil thingy.
The one in the pic here splits in half for double handed use.

Something to be said for an army that's never really been to war, protects the pope and has a standard-issue military cork-screw.

>>9729427
Class and wealth aren't as tightly linked as you are implying. There are lots of people today with money but no class. I think the stratification is settling out, and class mobility is declining too (since it's no longer necessary to be classy to get into college, get a good job, have social connections, etc.).

>>9730887
forgot pic

>>9730595
see
>>9730008
>>9728215

>>9727419
Oh fuck I had this happen to me the first time ever a few weeks ago and just said "mmmm tastes gud"

>>9727233
>Human eats food
"Wow I have food in me"

>>9730888
>There are lots of people today with money but no class.
Yes. But that doesn't mean that stupidity doesn't equate to poverty. If you give a stupid person a lot of money it won't be long before it will have been wasted or squandered. Case in point: countless bankrupt pro athletes, celebs, and lottery winners. As they say: a fool and his money are soon parted.

>>There are lots of people today with money but no class.
That is absolutely true, though it has no bearing on the above.

>>9730149
There's nothing stopping you (except pride and manners) from saying "Oh never mind, I don't like this, take it back," but once the bottle is open I think it should be yours. If you were at a table with me and pulled something like that, I would be laughing at you on the inside. Like, you ordered something without having any idea what it was? That's like ordering calamari and sending it back because you didn't know it would be squid. Just your own ignorance at work, nothing that was the fault of the restaurant or the winemaker.

If you're going to ask for a recommendation, you should know enough about what you like to know whether you want to take it. If you truly have no idea, then you can't really be picky anyway.

>>9727419
If they're saying it tastes good then it presumably hasn't turned into "undrinkable vinegar".

>Take a date out to Applebees
>Kids are running around and jumping over the booth dividers
>Screaming at each other directly across our table specifically
>Parents are having a calm conversation with each other and not even glancing a look at their little shit spawns
I just wanted my god damn Dollaritas

>>9730916
>a fool and his money are soon parted
You'll get no argument from me there. Although stupid people with hereditary wealth tend to sustain it much better, thanks in part to the class apparatus (for example that their wealth is much more likely to be concentrated in stable or growth assets than in the depreciating frivolities like jet skis and in-ground pools favored by "Beverly hillbillies" style new money).

Still, not being stupid doesn't necessarily equate to knowing etiquette or having social grace.

>>9730955
>wealth is much more likely to be concentrated in stable or growth assets than in the depreciating frivolities like jet skis..
I would argue that keeping your money in such investments as opposed to buying jet skis is the very opposite of "stupid". A smart person who inherits money makes sure it is wisely invested. A stupid person who inherits money blows it on frivolous crap.

>>Still, not being stupid doesn't necessarily equate to knowing etiquette or having social grace.
Agreed. Intelligence has nothing to do with the other two.

>>9730824
>Whatever you do DON'T press that big red button.

>>9730911
I hope that's an art project and not somebody being REALLY lonely.

>>9730917
Ha. This happened to me at a Peruvian restaurant. I ordered their special and it was a bunch of seafood. It was pretty gross because the octopus and squid were pure rubber. I ate most of it but left those for the alley cats because I had a flight to catch (also, pride and manners at the time). In other circumstances I might have sent it back. I've only seen somebody send a meal back once. It was a family friend and she had some kind of fish that was not to her liking. Some people at the table tested it and agreed with her. It's a line I would have not crossed unless it was REALLY bad.

>>9730910
>>9730921
There's nothing really wrong with saying that as it does get the job done (lets the server know to proceed with pouring the wine). But when I see someone who is clearly baffled by the purpose of the exercise, I'm fighting the urge to smirk smugly. In fact, even if you know what you are tasting for, there aren't many reactions more appropriate than just nodding and saying "mmm yes, it's good." You are just trying to signal assent, so there's nothing to be nervous about. You aren't expected to try to give some kind of enlightening commentary about the flavor of the wine.

>>9730980
>I would argue that keeping your money in such investments as opposed to buying jet skis is the very opposite of "stupid"
Ok, how about this: people of low intelligence who were raised by high-class parents are less likely to waste their money than people of low intelligence who were raised by lower-class parents. Money can be "hardened" to last into the future, and one of the mechanisms that handles that historically is the class apparatus that defines what kinds of purchases are appropriate (i.e. stable/growth investments like property are seen as more desirable). Even a stupid person born into hardened wealth can sustain it, because they would have to work hard to tear it down. A redneck who wins the lottery has no such portfolio, just an influx of cash (they never take the annuity) that seems to spend itself.

>>9730943
>take a date out to Applebees

fucking lol

>>9728515
I feel 0 emotions about anything

>They come out clapping and singing

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9r0kKSy9tQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_v7z0zd-1js

>>9731035
Do they do this just because they know people hate it? Is this like a way of punching back at the customers?

>>9731039
I think they do. Like you don't even have to tell them it's somebody's birthday, they'll do it if they overhear anybody mentioning it.

>>9731039
I used to cook there and most the girls hated doing it.

>>9731046
I was going to say that I've never seen them do it without someone else in the party requesting it, but then I thought about it and it happened to me barely a month ago. They brought me a huge dessert that I couldn't even eat due to allergies, which nobody in my party would have requested since they would've known I can't eat it. They didn't do the whole clapping and singing bullshit at least.

>>9731035
these made me laugh at first then sad

lit Johnny is right! oh man...

that second one, though...
>help me eat this
>that girl looks too old for a pacifier -- must've been abused

>>9731039
corporate regulation from people who are out of touch

>>9731060
you can definitely see that in the 2nd vid

>>9731035
>Go to a place that does this
>Happens multiple times per visit, busy place
>Go there on my birthday last year
>Don't fucking tell anyone but still look over my shoulder every time I hear that god damn clapping
On the upside I went to a mexican place this year and they gave me a free shot of Tequila. They still sang, but at least I could wash the shame away.

>>9731175
I hope they sang you a Narco-Song being a Mexican place and all.

>>9730824
>careful, the plate is hot
>no, you CAN'T touch it because I said so and if you do I'll yank it out of your hands
Why are waiters so up their own ass?

>>9731225

Liability reasons, most likely.

Don't forget about that bitch who sued McDonald's when she spilled hot coffee all over herself because she was too old and stupid to drive and drink coffee at the same time.
That's when they started printing CAUTION HOT! warnings all over everything.

>>9731225
Well Jimmy, it's because most of the time people try and do that they make a huge mess and might even hurt themselves. That's a hassle to clean up, and burnt customers are often upset--we don't want that to happen to you.

>>9731225
Are you literally retarded?

>>9731267
>>9731271
But if you warn the customer that it's hot then you're fine. If they touch it anyway it's out of your hands and not yours or the restaurants fault if they hurt themselves. Yanking the plate out of someone's hand like they're a child is a good way to not get a tip.

>>9731282
>replying seriously

Are you?

>>9731284
>But if you warn the customer that it's hot then you're fine
>t. never worked a shitty retail or food job

Your manager will still give you shit for it.

>>9731284
>Yanking the plate out of someone's hand like they're a child is a good way to not get a tip.

It's also a great way to make sure you don't burn yourself since you were too retarded to listen.

>>9727233
>middle-aged table of 9 chatting loudly
>come with the dishes
>we have to serve meat mains with those ridiculous metal covers
>everybody shut ups and looks at me like I was a martian
>spaguetti about to come out
>get the covers
>everybody OOOOOH'es
>all the spaguetti comes out of my pockets
>"and a spaguettini side dish, messieurs et mesdames"

>>9731225
>bring plates using my liteau to avoid 3rd degree butns
>cook chief must be a lava demon today
>"careful, plates are hot"
>client tries to grab the plate
>mfw

sometimes I think warning them is counter-productive because I never saw someone reaching for a plate if you don't say shit

>>9730123
>not because of all the mass slaughter and enslavement
well no shit, considering they were pretty handy at it themselves.

>>9727661
It's in case the waiter needs reminding who ordered what. If they look like they're gonna get it wrong, just speak up.

>>9731293
I worked retail for 6 years, anon. It's the same way that we had to put down a "caution wet floor" sign down if there's water on the floor. If the sign is there and someone slips and falls the store is not liable for any injury they may incur.
Sorry that your manager is a retard that expects you to treat your adult customers like they were children, but that simply isn't my problem and I'll be overjoyed to not tip you because you treated me like shit.

>>9727246
That's what she said

>>9731311
>Just grab it, the plate is cold

>>9731318
heh, yeah, you're right about that

>>9731284
I'd like to think it's more of a common courtesy than legal paranoia, but whatever.

>>9731320
In my experience, they usually just announce the dish name and somebody pipes up. Or they'll ask, "OK, who had the chicken cacciatore?" and just save face for lack of memory. Doesn't have to be weird.

>>9731394
I guess that's the quick way, I was taught a system numbering customers and writing them down (in Spain order booklets use carbon copy) but nobody uses it in real life except expensive as fuck places, and they are switching to tablets.

>>9731320
If you say so.

I stop talking when the waiter shows up because my conversation is none of his/her business. Plus there's always the chance that he/she will need to talk to someone at the table and that's awkward if it interrupts an ongoing conversation so it's simpler if everyone shuts up while the waitron does its job.

>>9731410
What are you saying? Every sit-down restaurant with table service that I have been to uses a seat-order system to keep track of who ordered what. It's extremely common at least. The only places that use tablets are shitty chain restaurants like Chili's.
Now if you switch seats or something after ordering, they will deliver the food wrong. Sometimes they also get turned around and hand the plates out backwards or something.

>>9728069
>"careful sir, the plate is hot"
>yeah right.mp4
>grab pan with sizzling fajitas
>mfw

>>9729514
Honestly it's comfy but I still feel 0 emotions toward most every customer. There's some regulars I give honest fucks about but most average customer I don't give a shit if they're awkward or smooth or flirting or hate me.

I rarely get stiffed on a tip but even then it's just an internal shrug knowing it all evens out in the end.

But seriously what fat fuck has saved room for dessert?

>>9731837
I don't think I've ever had any desire to order dessert after dinner in a restaurant, and I eat out a lot. But sometimes it's nice to have a coffee or a digestif, so I don't mind terribly if someone else orders dessert.

>>9727451
>*one finger in the air*
>Garcon!

>>9727673
Yikes my dude.

>>9730910
That dog is dead now.
I sailed by in a riverboat. The window was open and the pillow was still there but the dog is gone.

>>9727661
>>9727980
>>9728062
I wish it didn't. I once loudly exclaimed "Jesus dad, that's a big tip! Isn't that a bit too much?" just as the waitress walked up to clear the table.
In reality it was only about a quarter inch. I was really embarassed.

>>9731959
maybe it was inside eating

>>9727822
This is something parents say, not waiters.
Why would they intentionally sabotage their own tips?

>>9730943

HAMADA

OUTTO

>>9730171
>Write down a sizeable tip
>Strike it out and write underneath "Oops, seems like I made a mistake haha"
Problem solved.

>>9732016
Nah, It's gone.
Be sad.

>>9727673
Do you have killer tits or something?

>walk into restaurant with gf
>it's half empty
>get seated and drinks ordered
>looked at menu and decided what to eat
>have to sign the waitresses like I am guiding a fucking airplane to its parking strip

>>9731300
Did you twirl your moustache too?

>>9731311
>>9731343
>100 years from now, being served at a restaurant is a game of chance where the waiter goads you into touching a plate that may or may not be scalding hot
>If you touch it and the waiter lied, you get the dish for free
>if not you get kicked in the teeth

>>9731090
>that girl looks too old for a pacifier -- must've been abused
Well, she looks about five but acts about two. Maybe not abused, probably at least mildly retarded.

>tell mom not to tell waiter that its my birthday
>she gets up to go the bathroom
>tell her she better not fucking tell anybody its my birthday
>cunt does anyways
>eat meal, finishing up
>waiter comes over with a slice of cake with a candle
>says sorry that none of the other waiters can come in to join singing me happy birthday because they are all busy so we all need to sing extra loud
>starts screming the happy birthday song really uncomfortably loudly
>everybody in the restaurant turns around to see what the fuck is going on
>"haaaaaaapy birthday dear, (awkward silence)"
>waits like a whole 3 seconds to pause for that part but nobody actually says my name
>"haaaapy birthday to you"
>starts clapping like an autist


Why does everything have to be like this? fuck

>>9727674
baka, you have to press your dick into the plate while maintaining eye contact to assert your dominance

>>9729991
Wonderful poem anon

>>9727475
Where is Scoobie’s body?

>>9732295
In my storm cellar.

>Seeing your waitress bringing your food to your table from a distance

>>9727304
>Hey guys welcome to the Bbs
>GOOD HOW ARE YOU

had two people do this to me simultaneously once.

>Cooks know me
>They proceed to try and hook me up with cute waiters when small bits of gossip

>>9732825
*with

>>9732103
Hated this in high school. Finally told my mom if she ever did that to me again I'd never eat a birthday dinner with her again. She did. Haven't eaten a birthday with her since then. I'm in my 30s.

>>9731267
>Don't forget about that bitch who sued McDonald's when she spilled hot coffee all over herself because she was too old and stupid to drive and drink coffee at the same time.
Look up the details of that case, dude.
She had third degree burns all over her lap. Her skin had melted off.

McDonald's started disinformation campaign to discredit her claims, which is why so many people believe it was her fault for being clumsy and not McDonald's fault for serving coffee that was literally boiling.

>>9727674
D E V I L I S H

>>9732655
Sometimes it's hard to hear what you're saying in a busy restaurant.