/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>9530603
For me it's alc

inb4 smug frog posters

>>9530615
ah ah! no talkies before my coffees!

Haha yeah coffee

>>9530603
For me it's 80cc's of diamorphine

>>9530731
For me it's the McChicken

>>9530837
For me it's $20 worth of black tar

Oh what's that? You want a little sugar and milk in yours? heh heh... step aside kid... I'll have mine BLACK and STRONG, heh... Sorry you can't handle it ;-) But I like mine BLACK. NOTHING AT ALL ADDED. Yeah, I've seen some shit, done a bit of dirt too, but I like real strong and black, no sweety candy drink for me, heh, I'll let you have that ;-)

Some asshole tried talking to me today before I drank my coffee. It's like *ughhhh* some people will never learn ;)

>No, no, you don't understand, sweetie.
>I drink this coffee for YOUR protection, not mine.

Woke up today at 7 pm, went to have my morning coffee. Mom dared speak to me while I was making it. I lost it. I was so mad I don't even remember what I said to her. Must have been bad though, she's in her room crying.
Teaches her not to speak to me before I finish my fucking coffee.

>Hand over the coffee and nobody gets hurt

real talk though, how do people not have the fucking energy to wake up in the morning, and need caffeine supplements just to properly function

People are mororns.

>>9531085
Some of us have severe depression and have to have coffee ready to go by the side of the bed to even hit the floor.

>>9531085
I have sleep apnea and also the metabolism of a 100 year old diabetic tortoise, it's gotten to the point where regular coffee doesn't even affect me and I have to drink shit that's marketed as having "1 and 1/2 times the caffeine" just to not feel suicidal in the mornings

>>9531085
It's just part of my routine, I drink coffee, wait for a bit then do a big poo.

Can someone please make a wakey wakey wagies thread tomorrow?

sHHH

LEMME JUST melt this meth first

>>9530903
This is honestly the worst. I drink mine black, and as long as people aren't turning their coffee into the same color as the creamer we're gucchi

Do not deign to speak to me until my Hua Xiang Zheng Shan Xiao Zhong tea has been sufficiently steeped.

do not speak to me before i am awake

>>9531128
meth is water soluble rofl you don't need a fucking lighter

>>9530903
>African American coffee shop worker refuses to give me my no-milk-no-sugar until I call it BLACK

>>9531160
What if you're a sleep talker.

>>9531177
>doesn't know the joy of injecting boiling water in your veins
fucking normies

>>9531277
water boils at 100 degrees and your body is 98 so your blood is already almost boiling

>>9531283
What the fuck am I reading?

The human body is 98 degrees Fahrenheit. Water boils at 100 degrees Celsius. That's 212 degrees Fahrenheit.

Jesus Christ fix your life

>>9531283
anon i-i dont know what to say

>>9531283
If this is bait, then well done

>When some jabroni has the unmitigated gall to tell you not to walk out in the middle of traffic before you had the chance to finish that sweet sweet cuppa joe versus the volcano

If you try to interact with me before I've had my coffee I probably will tell you to "shut the fuck up for just 5 minutes"

>>9531283
Bravo, take a (you)

>genuinely can't function without coffee
>still enjoy these threads like crazy

What is wrong with me?

>I will cut your tongue from your mouth if you so much as breath before I've ingested my organic free trade Colombian arabica.

>>9531491
You're one of the few who come equipped with self irony.

>>9531524
>the few

You what, a veil of irony to cover insecurity and depression is vogue these days.

I don’t buy in to that whole “excessive coffee person” bullshit, but I had a humbling experience recently.

>be me
>married with 3 kids
>work in labor
>work 6 days a week
>on my only day off I help my boss’ daughter clean houses so she can pay for college
>I’m fucking tired and running on fumes
>only reason I’m even there is to get on the daughters good side
>last job of the day is at an office supply store
>I’m vacuuming, trying like hell not to fall asleep
>suddenly, I smell that sweet, sweet coffee boiling
>I walk to the office break room and see her pouring a cup for me, with hazelnut creamer
>she smiles this big, beautiful smile and says “it looks like you need a pick-me-up”

I swear to you, even if she got naked in front of me, I would still prefer that cup of coffee. The smell alone got me teary eyed. Like I said, I don’t buy into the whole “Facebook coffee person meme”, but I know better than to underestimate the power of a good Cup of Joe.

>>9530603
>drink cup of strong tea
>get this float-y kind of sensation where it feels like everything is moving slower but i'm moving faster at the same time, feels p. good

>drink cup of coffee
>just feels like i have a little more energy for a couple hours but mostly can't sleep for a while after

>>9531546
Don't cheat on your wife anon.

>>9531551
No, I won’t. I’ve tried to justify it numerous times, but I can’t. I respect my boss too much. My wife is a lazy skank, but I still couldn’t betray her.

But you best believe I could.

what's with this coffee meme anyway, why's getting addicted a norm

>>9531548
I have a similar problem, but with energy drinks. I usually switch between the big three: monster, Red Bull, and rockstar. When I drink one brand for too long in a row, it loses effectiveness. But as soon as I switch to the other, it gives me the caffeine rush that I crave.

>don't talk to me before I had my coffee

To be fair, if my colon could talk, this is literally what it would say to me...

>>9531581
It's not a tolerance issue, because I only drink tea or coffee every few months when I get cravings for it. But I don't think it's just a caffeine rush, it's apparently the L-theanine in tea mixing with the caffeine that gives a different feeling which I really like. Just seems to happen inconsistently with tea though, probably because I was drinking super cheap tea.

>>9531283
Niceee

>>9530603
Addict logic.

>>9530603
>I'm a high-functioning addict
Why has this become socially accepted?

i am proud of being addicted to a drug that i need to function like a normal human

There is WAY too much talkie. SSHHHHH! I'm still having my coffee.

>>9530917
>>9530951
is it natural to feel enraged at this? i automatically lose respect for anyone who uses these "mems"

>>9532212
I quit caffeine about a year ago. I don't really sleep much better and I miss out on a lot of comfiness, but it's nice to not have to search for coffee every morning - especially when travelling.

>>9530603
kek Americans don't just put sugar in their coffee, they literally put syrup.

>>9531283
take this (you)
you've fucking earned it my friend

>>9532222
>>9530633
>>9530631

boss please bless me with your frog images I swear no more talkies in this office

>>9531283

only american blood boils at 100f.

>>9532228
Once you've quit caffeine, downing a tall glass of ice water ought to wake you up in the morning

>>9531283
I heard if you go in space with no suit your blood boils. Is that true?

>>9532298

>>9532309
yes it is true, because boiling point is dependent on pressure.
And by the way, 4chan is a +18 website.

>>9532309
no space is cold you idiot

>>9530603
How is the conversation partner supposed to know how much coffee is left?

>>9532316
It may be cold, but that's irrelevant because it's a vacuum.

>>9530603
>>don't talk to me before I had my coffee

How is this even a problem unless your dumb ass chooses not to drink coffee before leaving your house?

>>9532315
Neato tanks! I'm 31 btw.

>>9531309

the human body is airtight though so the pressure makes it close to boiling.

>>9531546
That's so fucking sweet of her. She sounds like a good girl.

>>9531546
>on my only day off I help my boss’ daughter clean houses so she can pay for college
>I’m fucking tired and running on fumes
>only reason I’m even there is to get on the daughters good side
Why are you trying to get on her good side? You trying to fuck her? How does she look?

>>9532412
>the human body is airtight
ANON OPEN YOUR MOUTH

START BREATHING

>>9532491

not that bit of the body. I meant where the blood lives. if that was not pressurised then it would just come out whenever it wanted to.

>>9532499
you are obviously not a grill.

>>9532320
What if you sleep at your workplace.

>>9532491
>literal mouthbreather

>>9532557
don't be sad and learn to enjoy your signs of fertility as a good thing

>>9532414
She is. Maybe I’m just looking at the green grass on the other side, but she is the perfect woman.

She’s very flirtatious, but that’s to be expected. I just have to keep telling myself I’m “happily married” and to “think of the kids”.

>>9532427
She’s beautiful. In high school she used to be one of those emo girls, and she listens to death metal which is right up my alley.

Like I said, she’s my bosses daughter so she’s off limits, but it’s nice having a piece of eye candy while I’m working.

My dad alway told me it’s okay to look at the menu as long as you go home to eat. Sometimes I get REAL fucking hungry though.

>>9532718
But you do this on your day off? For no money?

>>9531085

Because I have existential depression and a fucked sleep cycle on top of being naturally autistic and annoyed by small talk.

>>9531396
How Trump sees the world.

>>9532718
We are reaching levels of cuckdom unkown to the human kind , lads.

The feeling of shit retards get before they've had coffee isn't a lack of caffeine or being addicted to caffeine it's fucking dehydration.

You lose a huge amount of your bodies water overnight. Instead of coffee, drink one tall glass of water when you wake up instead and you'll feel better.

Save your coffee for midday to early afternoon when you might actually need it. Early morning coffee does jackshit you just rested 8 hours you are fine.

>>9533044
>How Trump sees the world.

Don't you mean Donald DRUMPH!!!!!

lol hahahahaahah

omg.... Drumph.... he so stuped

>>9531546
i hate you

>>9531546
I'm not an addict, it's cool, I feeeeeel fine

>>9531104
Hard to hit the floor when you're already at rock bottom.

>>9531104
Honestly I found that after drinking coffee for a while I've become really dependent on it. If I don't have any caffeine my depression gets extremely bad, and I didn't have my morning cup today and ended up sleeping an extra 2 hours

>>9533372
I got super addicted to coffee like that. When I quit it took me like three weeks and I was fine without it. It's an adjustment. I actually weaned off using energy drinks to give an exact dose for a taper. That helped the headaches and fatigue a lot.

I miss coffee but I find it really didn't wake me up. Your body has a natural cycle that wakes it up in the morning whether you have coffee or not.

>>9530603
le coffee is my le fuel xDDDD

This one is my favorite

Fellow wagies, post your office coffee stations and/or your coffee mugs.

And so help me god if one of my coworkers so much as emails me before I've had my first pot of coffee I swear I'm going to fucking snap

Sorry if it was posted already but everybody needs a little Marko in their life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWuyrlXI7nA

>>9531581
I had that issue with pre-workout

>>9530903
Years ago my cousin told me that guys weren't allowed to add cream or sugar to their coffee and I've only had black coffee since.

>>9532499
>where the blood lives

>>9533809
>starbucks in the office
>management buys this shit
>management approves weekly orders of 30 k-cup boxes a week
>can't even fit half the boxes in the cupboards
>i just take them home

>>9531497
I hear arabica has hallucinogenic properties

>>9531548
Tea also has some weird properties besides caffeine that cause mild highs

>>9533786
That third ah pisses me off

>>9532312

>>9534273
https://youtu.be/RfiQYRn7fBg?t=16

>>9531546
>I swear to you, even if she got naked in front of me, I would still prefer that cup of coffee.

>>9533809
Not exact here. Got 3 pots each of House, Colombian, and 2 of Espresso, Dark, and Decaf.

>>9531277
lel well memed freindo

>>9531185
I'm a sleep listener so it is fine.

>>9534269
Yeah I've read that it's L-theanine which keeps you calm while the caffeine gives you the energy boost at the same time. It's just so different to a regular caffeine buzz, it's a really nice feeling. I have to get some better quality tea to see if it'll happen more consistently, only seems to happen with like one cup out of a dozen with the cheap tea I had.

>>9534238
This funny cat photo brought to you by... Face App! Got a face? Face App!

>>9535802
are you the mick and ralph's shop crier

>>9534574
wtf is purple and red coffee?
orange is obvi decaf but im so confusion

>>9531085
they're addicted and need caffeine to functional normally. same with nicotine addicts who suck on a cigarette right after waking up

>>9536028
>judging someone for needing coffee to function when your are still addicted to water and need it to function

>>9531085
Fucked up circadian rhythm, AKA shit sleep cycle, likely for a long time.
Plus, people tend to build a dependency on coffee

>>9536070
>implying

>>9536117
>inferring

>>9535816
Purple is Dark Roast, Red is 100% Colombian.

water and a cold shower does more for me than coffee, at least in the morning. I drink iced coffee around 3 to get me through the day

>>9531283
I snickered

>>9531085
No idea. I abused the shit out of caffeine while I was an undergrad in engineering and haven't touched it since. It's definitely a great tool to use when you have to think for extremely long periods of time. I used to cycle is for exams or projects so that when I needed it I could binge-study/work for 12 hours straight. It was like a safer ritalin for me, which many of my classmates used

Don't talk to me before I've had my morning benzos. Bitch.

bump

>>9531085
For me, its tea. Love my first cuppa.

>Wake up
>Drink no less than 4 cups of coffee, each with a shot of liqueur, take like 3-4 bong rips and smoke 2 wood tips
>Finally ready to drive to work

>>9538214
>wake up
>take a 0.4 gram dab
>shotgun a can of yerba mate or three (feels like cocaine if you can get it all down fast enough)
>brown bag a nice and heavy beer for the morning bus ride/breakfast
>smoke half a pack of marlboros by the time i actually eat anything
college was fun

>>9531085
by consuming caffeine daily it becomes a self prescribed medication. Everyone just uses drugs for everything, any sort of pain? drugs, headache? drugs. Don't figure out what might be the cause of it, fuck that just drug it out.

I know a dude who lives on a diet of coffee and cigarettes. He does eat, but just once or twice a day, and just smokes and sips for the rest of it. He's been doing this for decades.

Know another couple that drink MULTIPLE pots of coffee, every morning. They've done this for decades, and just about every drug under the sun. I'll go ahead and let your imagination fill in what they look like.

>>9538281
I know a guy who dus drugs lol. He is super coold let me post about him. He drinks coffee....

I'll let you think about how this fits into reall life... haha

more coffee pepes

>>9530731
What dosage though, 80mL could just be a 20 bag diluted to fuck

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That better not be talkie I'm hearing before my coffee.

>>9539653
ah AHHHHH
NO TAKIE

>>9539653
>>9539681
Caffeine needs to be outlawed

>>9539653
Shhh. No more banter until I've filled my decanter.

>>9539970
ah ah ah,
in vino veritas

>>9532499
>I meant where the blood lives.

That's so adorable. I think I will use that from now on to describe that.

>>9539653
>quotes every post
>pepe
>posts a meme that's been beaten to death, soulstoned, and beaten some more

>>9530603
Feels good to live alone. No spergs no problems.