/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>at my grandparents
>grandma is going to cook up steak and eggs
>pulls out ancient pan
>it's completely black with a rough surface
>handle is same material and all one piece
>"What the fuck grandma?"
>run to Walmart and get her a nice teflon pan with a nice plastic handle

>>9462441
>run to Walmart and get her a nice teflon pan with a nice plastic handle
Which she put into the oven thinking it was her old pan, where it melted and burned down their home. Good going, dickhead

>>9462441
Lol your b8 is shit.

>autistic brother puts a bowl in the microwave with a metal spoon
>run up and shove him out of the way before he can press the start button
>he flies back and hits his head
>take the bowl out of the microwave and tell him "spoon doesn't go in microwave"
>he seemed pretty out of it
>slap him lightly
>"the spoon doesn't go in the microwave"
>put the bowl back in the microwave without spoon
>walk away knowing I'm a good brother

>>9462502
Lol good for you anon

>>9462441
Black pans are best pans.

>>9462398
I don't think I've ever knowingly saved a life, but I found a dead body on the street once. It was pretty surreal.

Didn't save someone but i killed a drunken fuck who ignored a red light at 70 kmh. Only got his tail but he crashed into a tree and died on the way to the hospital.

>At sisters apartment, her boyfriend at the time is gonna make french fries.
>He's actually a nice guy, but dumb as a bag of rocks.
>Saw him pouring a glass of water into the deep fryer.
"Wasn't enough oil".

No fucking idea what would have happened if he'd turned that thing on.. but how do you make it to adult without knowing that oil and water is basically the worst idea.

I wasn't there for it, but maybe a month later he actually managed to start a small kitchen fire by turning on the wrong burner (which happened to have a (plastic) kettle sitting on it) to boil a pot of water then wandering off to watch TV while it boiled...

I'd like to say they broke up after that, but ended up being over other shit (though tangibly related to the guy just totally lacking common sense).

>>9462554
Cool. I saw the body of a man run over by a Mexican cartel once

>>9462582
Hahahahaha oh fuck. His cock must've been enormous for your sis to put up with that shit

>>9462591
It's funny because in like every other respect he was a great guy. Given enough time though, I have no doubt he would have killed either one or both of them in some horrific accident.

>>9462441

>>9462554
story

>>9462634
I wonder where he's at now? I feel like he could have a show like an idiot abroad only it's just him doing stupid shit in America.

>>9462580
I like to imagine it being some chino/polo fuccboi in a brand new muscle/sports car who's a freshman studying business. Nice though. Don't you feel bad about that, Anon. And don't let others make you feel bad about it. :)
>>9462398
I would cook a lot for my friends in high school, and they would sometimes join in. We'd make sauce mixes and spice blends; grill, bake, and fry whatever I had in the fridge. I probably helped a lot of inner city kids with not a lot going for them by getting them away from estranged households, where all they were eating was saturated, fried, and easily microwavable/baked/boiled snacks and dinners like quick mashed potatoes and microwavable chicken/fish battered patties with a side of canned green beans. I'm sure I've helped more than a couple of niggas avoid a bad night.

>>9463005
Some turk in an Audi, didn't fell bad really

>>9462398
slightly related, when I was a kid, my parents asked me to reheat their coffee. so I put the mug on a pan and placed it on top of the stove. I believe my little sister saved us all.

>>9463032
Good for her. How'd it feel that lil sis was smarter than you?

>>9462554
Did you take any of the meat home with you?

>>9462502
literally nothing happens
I've left spoons in before and it just sparks a lil

>>9463342
embarrassing.

>>9462398

>son choking on whole jawbreakers he decided to swallow
>perform the Heimlich maneuver
>jawbreaker flies out of his mouth rolling across the floor
>dog races out of her crate and swallows it whole
>she's fine
>calm him down, take him out for icecream and buy him Pokemon pearl

About 10 years ago probably.

Heimlich'ed a hard candy out of my choking mother once.
I also worked in pulmonary medicine and later on an ICU and saved a couple hundred doing that but that's hardly in the spirit of the thread.

People have a surprisingly common tendency to try to talk instead of banging a fist on the table or something when they're choking. If it happens to you go all out and smash a glass or something. They can't hear you shouting.

>>9462502
>>9463382
Most modern microwaves can withstand metals these days, though. New microwaves don't react to metals anymore, since they're protected from reflective radiation.

>>9463410

>calm him down, take him out for icecream and buy him Pokemon pearl

>treat family to $200 per person steakhouse
>mother orders steak well done
>cut off all contact with her
>haven't seen her in 10 years

>>9462580
Doing God's work,my friend