/ck/ - Food & Cooking

An attendant has been notified to assist you.

>>9195824
>Buy $50 in avocados
>Ring it up as bananas
>Pay only $7
I can't believe this shit still works

>>9195833
u-um excuse me... i-it keeps saying this...

>>9195824
these fucking things

I stopped going to wal-mart like two years ago after it became obvious they were trying to corral customers into using them so they wouldn't have to pay as many cashiers

it usually gets cleared without anyone ever coming to look. you can steal all sorts of shit

unless you're black

>>9195836
I'm always scared to try this. In white so I can probabaly get away with it but I'm a very bad liar and I make it so obvious when in doing something bad through my body language.

Scan first item
>please wait, an associate has been notified

PLEASE WAIT FOR ASSISTANCE

>>9195849
Im with you. Its possible to be caught every time. Every time I go to an HEB there's always a police cruiser out front. Not worth going to jail, court, fees, community service, criminal record

>>9195849
Walmart cashiers have a monitor that shows what each terminal is purchasing. Obviously they will get suspicious if they see "Bananas" rang in 30 times but no one has 30 bananas.

>>9195824
Whenever I wanna get rid of my change, I'll go to one of these self check-outs with the bucket coin slot, buy something for 50 bucks, dump all my change in it, then immediately return the item to get my money back in big bills.

>>9195870
Or you could, you know, take it to your bank for the same goddamn thing with less steps

>>9195873
do you really think someone that stupid has a bank account?

>>9195849
Just pretend you are incompetent if caught

>Buying Stridex Pads to combat horrible facial acne
>Incredibly self-conscious about appearance
>Go to self-checkout to avoid interaction with cashier
>Have coupon and scan it
>"An attendant will come to assist you shortly."
>mfw

>>9195870
Why not buy stuff you want so you don't need to return it? Does your mom buy all the groceries?

>>9195824

>scan some alcohol
>THIS ITEM NEEDS APPROVAL
>fat 50 something bitch comes over, eyes me for several seconds, then grudgingly presses the "over 25" button

Man I tried to buy dog food (for myself) at self checkout one day. Bunch of bullshit-- the computer said "Please verify your dog's name." Seriously, who thought that was a good idea? Why should I be accosted to inform the big corporation of whether I have a dog or not? Ridiculous!

>>9195924
Stop washing your head and eat whole plant foods. If you're not fat, all you really need to do is keep your butthole clean and shaved and wipe and apply deodorant to your pits before you go anywhere. The rest of your skin will reach an inoffensive equilibrium and stay there indifinitely. I haven't washed my hair since 2016, haven't showered for weeks, and I still have a bf. I think I'll wash below the waist and shave my butthole today. More stray hairs from my head collect there when there's hair for them to catch on and it's really annoying.

the same teenage girl that flirts with me works the self checkout on weekend nights so I always get groceries when she works since I can get away with sneaking tons of shit through and she just rings it through

>>9195941
horrid post

>>9195942
I bet you also think having GRIDS is ok because you can just take anti-retrovirals to stave it off for a few years

faggot

>buying panties in secret
>ERROR, PLEASE SEE ATTENDANT

What do you do?

>>9195953
I've never had sex before seeing negative test results and always use a condor anyway.

>>9195955
I've always ordered online. Why do panties fit my male butt so much better? I'd wear them regularly if they had more room in the front.

>>9195942
>I haven't washed my hair since 2016, haven't showered for weeks

You are fucking disgusting

>>9195964
>and always use a condor anyway.

Good on you lad, I've used a condor every time for years now and have never gotten a disease

>>9195941
Yes me agree

>>9195846
Why the fuck would I want to go in a cashiers line when I can do that shit myself, no interaction, and leave.

>>9195984
why not just stay in your little cocoon and have groceries delivered to your NEET cave you fucking faggot

>>9195972
bf doesn't seem to think so. Neither to some autistic tabletop gamers who can't tell a white lie. And my hair no longer looks like shit. Frequent washing is self-necessitating because skin is a reactive organ and only pumps out a bunch of sebum when it's constantly being stripped.

>>9195984
self checkout is really annoying when buying a bunch of produce. Do you also avoid farmer's's's's's' markets where you can buy bundles of basil from cute shotas?

>>9195990
What's disgusting is that you haven't showered in two weeks. The fact that nobody in the pig-pen notices your stench and filth doesn't change a thing.

I always mute the thing right away and revel in my superiority the whole time I'm checking out.

PLEASE PLACE THE ITEM IN THE BAG

>>9195994
It hasn't caused me the slightest inconvenience and spares me the stress of standing in the shower where I could be ambushed. I clean my butthole in front of a mirror after every poop.

>>9195990
Fuckin pig

>>9196001

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3pmMZDko60

>>9196000
>stress of showering
I love my morning shower. You know what would stress me out? Cleaning my asshole in front of the mirror like some kafkaesque mental patient

>>9195989
That shit is for dumb faggot people who don't know how expensive it is to live like that. The store will not kill you if you go in it and you won't get ass raped with delivery prices

>>9196038
>kafkaesque

>>9195992
You're not going to be there for 5 hours scanning. At most you have an additional 3 minutes. Stop being a bunch of whiney girls about every autistic thing.

>>9196038
Flyover honkies don't wash their butts in the shower. They just park their head under it and pretend that causes everything else to wash itself. And then they leave a trail of fecal residue everywhere they go.

>>9196000
are you posting from prison

>>9195942
>bf
you're either a grill or gay, and there's no grills on /ck/, fag

>>9196047
how would you wash your butt besides just letting water run between your crack? do you wipe between your ass with your bare hand like a sand nigger?

>>9196052

>there's no grills on /ck/

You what now? Maybe trying to lurk more next time.

>>9196056
Put some soap on your hand and rub between the crack. Get that thing squeaky clean what the hell is wrong with you

>>9196056
non-flyovers have their showerheads on hoses for more thorough and efficient washing down there. Yes, I use my hand and soap after an initial thorough rinse. Then I scrub that hand with that hand. Then I use both hands to wash it and move onto other stuff.

Flyover honkies are so afraid of their butts they can't even wash them properly.

>>9196062
I'd rather not get poop germs all over my hand

>>9195849
don't do something stupid like bananas as avocados.

avocados as limes would work better.

organic heirloom tomatoes as regular tomatoes

remember to pay in cash

>come to usa as a j1 student to work
>decide food is too expensive
>fuck it
>100 bucks worth of food in a cart
>scan every item
>notpayingforitlol.jpg
>swipe my card to make it look real
>cancel purchase
>fucking nigger machine starts beeping and telling me to wait for assistance
>get my ass out asap with all the food
Im scared to go back

>>9196062
>what the hell is wrong with you
You're not allowed to say that, you're the fucking weird one.

>>9196056

>how would you wash your butt besides just letting water run between your crack

Are you actually this desperate for (you)'s, or do you actually not regularly wash the dirtiest part of your body?

>>9196075
Scrub your ass you filthy pleb

>>9196077
I usually use baby wipes after I take a shit so I don't really see the need to give myself a fucking enema unlike some of the queers here

>>9195870

>>9196087

>being scared to touch a part of your own body

Or maybe you just can't reach it?

>>9196092
I bet you swirl your finger around inside your anus so there's no chance of any poopie slipping out throughout the day

freak

>>9195870
Shit I used to do that too but now it seems all the self checkouts in my city are credit/debit only and you now have to get jewed by Coinstar fees.

>>9195873
>online bank account
>no physical branches
>take my change to another bank
>"Yes we can convert your change... for 10% of the value"

>>9196071
Goddamn dude seriously get the fuck out of my country

>>9195942
>>9196000
>>9196038
>>9196047
>>9196056
>>9196062
>>9196064
>>9196069
>>9196077
>>9196085
>>9196095

>/ck/ - Butthole Hygiene

>>9196103
What the fuck dude. It's not hard. Use that account as your main account and open an account with your local credit union. That way you have an account with a local brick and mortar branch, you have access to their credit union products, and you can still keep the account with your online only bank. I bank primarily with Navy Federal Credit Union. Unfortunately the closest branch is 65 miles away. I keep them because they have incredible banking products. I also have an account with my local credit union. They basically compete with each other for my loan and credit needs. Best of both worlds.

>>9196095

>i bet you swirl your finger around inside your anus

Typically, yeah.

>so there's no chance of any poopie slipping out throughout the day

That's not how it works, dum dum. You're on an adult board; lurk more or grow up.

>>9196071
Kek yeah the machine is the nigger in this situation

>>9196071
Go get free sikh lunch if you're that poor.

>>9196056
nigga are you telling this thread that you've never washed that nasty ass of yours what the fuck is wrong with you

>>9196131
do you have OCD? it gets clean enough as soap runs down your back and between your ass cheeks

Saaauce https://youtu.be/ZrAfMDAqzLg

>>9196173
no, no it doesnt

>>9196201
so what do you recommend? a foot-long enema?

>>9195824
ahaha... yea... i was wanting to pay for those haha...

>>9196000
dis nigga definitely lives in jail

>>9196173
>>9196201
This what straight guys here in Minnesota believe, so I don't allow them in my home.

>>9195833
>I'm standing around patiently waiting to be assisted
>The tard behind me in dirty greasy hoodie and ripped sweatpants starts raging
>EXCUSE ME EXCUSE ME
>Attendant is clearly helping someone else at the time

>>9196220
Don't we all? ;)

>>9196173
please die

>>9196056

Do you also not wash your hands after you take a shit because you're afraid that the poop particles might get transferred from one hand to the other in the process?

>>9196232
I wash my hands because I don't want to walk around getting fecal matter all over everything

unless you take super hot showers or something it isn't sanitary to be digging around in your ass just because you think your top might start wearing a raincoat if he notices shit on his dick

>buying four boxes of pasta stuffed with various meats, cheeses and vegetables because they're marked 50% off due to near expiry
>self checkout babysitter has to ring them through fot me
>she fucks up and rings $20 worth of pasta through for $2.50 because she only scanned one before adding the 50% off
>pay and leave

>>9196240
>designated shitting garments

>>9196220
>>9196090

>>9195955
Is that shadbase?

>>9195942
Gays can be so disgusting. Ffs.

>>9196111
That's a good idea, but I've never really found myself in the need for a physical branch (that is, except for the change). Maybe that will change once I decide to apply for credit/mortgage, etc. Thanks for the tip though.

>>9195836
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p69XxYjfx-k

>tfw some moron has left it in admin mode and you get to approve your own age

>>9195833
>ATTACK!

>Some fat bitch brings their cart into the self service queue and leaves it right in the middle of the floor and lets her retard spawn scream and run around all over the place.

I pushed it way down the end of the line. Had headphones in but I could hear her yelling something. Cunt.

>>9196052
you have a lot to learn mein neger

>>9195824

>Wageslave for Sam's Club
>They put in Self Checkouts like 3 years ago
>Theres no podium/screen for the attendent like at every orher store on earth so i have to actually stand around and hover over people while they scan their shit.
>People get upset at me cause they naturally assume that I think theyre trying to steal shit when I dont give a fuck and am just trying to make it look like I'm working

>>9196344
Yes

>>9195824
>seems to happen when you leave the bags there

Do they just expect me to dump the groceries on the floor? The fuck's the point of this?

Wtf is this board anymore

>>9197121
This entire site is the same shit with a different theme. It has been for ages.

>>9197121
Summer. It's the /b/tard overflow. Thank god school starts back up in a month.

>>9196096
Coinstar does gift cards without the fee if you are into that. That's what I do.

Am I the only person who doesn't have this problem? I never need assistance with self-checkout.

>>9197226
>t. Walmart

The only thing I want is a mute button. But I know they can never add one because it will only further confuse retards

>when people struggle with these
Jesus Christ how inept can you be? Cashiering is one of the lowest tier jobs you can ever get and people STILL struggle with these after years of practice

>Buying Brussel sprouts
>Put 2-3 bags in a clear bag
>Machine doesn't go off weight
>Buy 3 bags for the price of 1
Devilish

>>9195905

Hi, Jordan

>>9195976
Kek

https://youtu.be/C-_YOvHcXDw?t=375

>>9197312
>Have to log in to downvote a video.

Screw YouTube.

>>9195984
>Why the fuck would I want to go in a cashiers line when I can do that shit myself, no interaction, and leave.
1) The self checkout usually beeps for an attendant for some reason, and you can watch those other lanes with actual cashiers solve the problem quicker and those people leave first. My time.
2) Replacing humans with more machines when it isn't some grab n go lunch rush and operated like speedy 10 items lanes is stupid, and is intended just to allow them to have less employees and to slow you down. I want service where I shop.

This is why publix has real cashiers and bag persons who bring the carts back inside so you can get on your way. To use the self checkout as a rule, when the other line may be better is some kind of autism or jealousy over the cool job of scanning items. People get carpel tunnel for that. Value your wrists.

>>9197329
Why would you downvote it? It was funny.

>>9196226
>Tfw flyover white men dont wash below their chest, they just expect water and soap to get there

>mfw americans need people to bag foe them
>mfw most cashiers have to stand all day because of that shit
Seriously they don't even have a small chair to sit.

>>9197312
staged, fake, gay. I've called the police

>>9197377
>he thinks standing for 3-6 hours is hard
F A T
A
T

>>9195824
That bug has since been fixed in the first world.

>>9195824
it fucking sucks
>broken coin slots
>broken note reader
>cannot pay with cash because (lol out of coins)
>broken scales

>>9196344
No, this is Patrick.

>>9195824
yes um, this 14.99 item is actually 9.99.

oh let me change that 4u

theeenks :")

>>9195846
walmart cashiers dont deserve the dignity of a job

>>9195924
>Buying Stridex Pads to combat horrible facial acne

When I was 34, I discovered all my acne was caused by caffeine. Cokes, chocolate, whatever. I discovered it when I took up caffeine pills.

I get it's different for everyone, but mother fucker this would be priceless information to me when I was 13. I could have saved myself so much stress and embarrassment if I had figured it out 20 years earlier.

I immediately told my entire family to relay it to their kids/teens in case it might be in our bloodline.

>>9195955
Just act as if I was buying panties for a female acquaintance/gf/sister/daughter : not give a fuck, not explain myself as if I was caught in the act of doing something weird. People don't assume you go to /d/, they assume you're just some dude buying panties for whatever reason.

>>9196071
>>decide food is too expensive
Dude, it's the country with the cheapest food thanks to the gov paying giga farms in subsidies. The shittiest food of them all, but cheap.
Please stay there.

>>9197134
There are actually less posters in summer. At least there were when moot was in charge. Summerfags always have been regular posters shitposting.
Redditards from last murican elections are more numerous than old 4channers, literally doing the Great Replacement they talk about.

>>9197226
Yup, in Yurop we know how to self use a self scanning machine.

>>9197312
Get microphones next time you stage something like that. It's harder to understand without the script.

>>9198035
you're right they deserve welfare and food stamps

>>9195861
Lol these paycucks worried about getting caught ringing something up as bananas and I'm here pocketing something everytime I go to Walmart

>>9195849
I have been stopped for ringing up more expensive exotic bananas as regular bananas. The attendant just came over and asked me what I was scanning.

"Bananas."
"Not regular bananas..." *takes over monitor and enters correct code*
You could tell she knew it wasn't an accident but fuck if they're going to suggest a customer is a thief if they don't have clear evidence of intent to steal.
Then I glared at her and she fucked off back to her post.

You have some degree of plausible deniability. Btw this happened in a Kroger. No one cares enough in Walmart to stop you unless it's obvious. I often will get something like mangoes, put them in 3 bags so they don't look exactly like mangoes, then enter them as oranges or something of a similar color. For avocados enter a smaller quantity than what you have. Dont be stupid and enter everything as bananas (unless they're actually bananas like above) and you're clear.

>>9197329
>2017
>not part of the botnet

>>9195955
break a 40 and scatter

>>9195824
my local supermarket turned this detection system off because it annoyed so many people

The new kroger software is such a bitch.
>put the item in the bagging area!
okay bitch

>>9196070
If you pick stuff from a list, there's at least some possible deniability that you pressed Avocado and the screen registered it as Bananas.

But I've only ever used the self checkout at Home Depot since their lines are usually long as fuck and I've only bough a handful of things at a time.

>>9195942
My balls stink and my pubes smell like old cum you also forget how bad feet smell

>buy an "expensive" pastry from Tesco
>tell the machine it's a 30p white roll
>in the Co-Op
>buy two pretzels
>tell the machine it's one
>"unidentified item in bagging area"
>sweatingman.jpg
>the cashier can approve it from the till
>get away scot free

fuck the system desu

>>9195998
>It puts the lotion in the basket

>>9196071
>calls the machine that for being a literal poorfag
This has to be bait right?

>>9195942
6/10 you had me until the end

>Buying like 15 things
>Bring my own bags because I dont trust the $0.000001 plastic bags as I walk up 4 flights of stairs with eggs/milk/produce
>Get to self checkout cause the only cashier open has 20 old people in line (8am on a Sunday)
>Machine asks me if I brought a bag, do what it says, hear the weights shift
>Tells me to start
>Scan first item
>UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA
>PLEASE WAIT FOR ASSISTANCE
>Lady clears it
>Scan next item
>UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA
>PLEASE WAIT FOR ASSISTANCE
>Lady clears it
>Scan next item
>UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA
>PLEASE WAIT FOR ASSISTANCE
>Lady clears it
>Scan next item
>UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA
>PLEASE WAIT FOR ASSISTANCE
>Lady clears it
>Scan next item
>UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA
>PLEASE WAIT FOR ASSISTANCE
>Lady clears it
>Scan next item
>UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA
>PLEASE WAIT FOR ASSISTANCE
>Lady clears it
>Scan next item
>UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA
>PLEASE WAIT FOR ASSISTANCE
>Lady clears it
>Scan next item
>UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA
>PLEASE WAIT FOR ASSISTANCE
>Lady clears it
>Suddenly the lady starts scolding me
>DONT BRING YOUR OWN BAGS NEXT TIME AND THIS WOULDN'T HAPPEN. OR GO INTO A CASHIER'S LINE. THIS HAPPENS EVERY TIME AND YOU PEOPLE NEVER LEARN
>Jokes on me anyway since even at peak hours they only have 4 lines open (3 you have to bag your own shit anyway while the cashier looks bothered by you), and 1 "Bagging Service" Line which is the only line where the cashier bags your groceries

I fucking hate Giant and I fucking hate Self Checkout

>>9199076
>city outlaws grocery bags
>have to bring your own bag or else try to balance all your groceries in your arms
>self checkouts still constantly freak out about nonstandard bags

Fuck coastal cities and the pointless virtue-signalling hippie laws they pass.

>>9199105
I mean I don't have anything against plastic bags, its just if I am buying heavy objects, a ton of shit, or breakables I'd rather a mesh bag.

That said your situation seems horrid. Like if I stop by the store for 3 things I either need to remember a bag, pay for one (I am sure they are marked up 1000%), or loose carry them.

>>9196047
>>9196056
I'm embarrassed to admit I never knew I was supposed to directly wash my asshole until I was 18.
>tfw people used to say "who farted?" around me a lot
>tfw washed my asshole for the first time and learned what cleanliness actually feels like

Just autism things 2bh

>>9199105
Sorry you're jealous of coasties, Cletus, must be hard living somewhere with only a Family Dollar and a McDonalds

>>9199195

>>9199309
>liberal reading comprehension
I live on the West Coast, Braedan. Sensible areas don't randomly outlaw useful items for day-to-day life.

>go to register with green spinning light
>see error message on screen
>won't go away
>employee yells at me that one's closed
>I press the "close lane" button"
>light turns from green to red
>SIR THAT ONE'S CLOSED
>no shit
>get back in line waiting for next one to open
>employee cunt gets mad and goes and types in some code to make the light green again

>>9199105
I came here to post about this
fuck new york. It's 10 cents per plastic bag now so you have to bring your own
>select I BROUGHT MY OWN BAG
>have to wait for an attendant to come over and make sure I am in fact using my own bag and not taking any plastic ones
>can't start scanning items until it gets approval so I'm just standing there waiting for some fat retard to get back from their break or something
>all I was buying was granola bars and a bag of pork rinds
>just steal the groceries because I'm tired of waiting and not getting back on like

>>9199360
>>9199105

Do they not have reusable plastic bags in the US? Just get one of those. In the UK you can even get it swapped for a new one in the unlikely event it does break.

>>9198659
This guy knows. I've been ringing up organic produce as regular for years. You just gotta act like you have no idea wtf you're doing. Also don't do stupid shit like ring steaks or anything with a barcode up as produce.

>>9199360
Or just pay the 10 cents you fucking poorfag

>scanning items and placing them in bags
>gf starts removing bags from the scale while Im still scanning

>>9199392
that works out to hundreds of dollars a year

>>9199439
You make that money back easy with all the dicks you continuously suck for their fucking baby batter.

>>9199450
what is your end game here exactly?

just in the mood to be mean on the internet?

>>9199439

Nice bait.

>what is reusing

>>9196095
You are supposed to swirl it around inside a little bit. Are you kidding, that's like just splashing a cup in the dirty sinkwater instead of actually washing it if you only wash your butthole using random runoff water from the shower... you are probably used to the stink from your butt so you don't notice it but goddamn that's rough.

>>9199735
When you start penetrating your asshole just to clean, you're approaching OCD-tier shit

>>9196064
Detachable showerheads are not a luxury you fucking mong.

>>9198636
wal-mart workers already get welfare and food stamps, it's how wal-mart keeps labor costs low. That company is the largest employer and its employees the largest recipients of government aid programs in the country of the united states. Wal mart is the real welfare queen.

If I'm not stealing out right I'll load up at the salad bar and ring it in as lettuce.

>>9199803
wtf I hate walmart now

>>9195824
I sat on the scanner once, it rang me up as rutabaga 120pounds

>in HS
>Walmart just installed self checkouts
>immediately heard rumors that the machines don't card you for alcohol
>grab 10 jugs of the cheapest vodka i could find and try this
>scan one
>"please have ID ready, attendant will be with you shortly"
>sprinted out of the store
later on i figured out alcohol is the only thing they do card so you could still buy spray paint and pellet guns, can probably still do that too

>>9199967
What are you? 15 y rs old? Do you not know that spray paint and pellet guns are not illegal? are you some kind of, ugh, this younger generation is full of complete morons, and I'm glad I won't be around to see the downfall

>>9199985
you need to be 18 to buy spray paint in most stores, it's been that way for a while

and it's law that you need to be 18 to buy a pellet gun in most states and most chain stores require an ID regardless

>>9200008
exactly my point dingus.

>>9200048
alcohol isn't illegal either you dumb fuck that's my point

>>9200058
You just proved that you are once again a dumb ass.

>>9200061
what exactly are you trying to say?

>>9199798
I know, but flyovers tend not to have them.

>>9195942
You don't need to use shampoo to wash your hair. After about a month of not washing your hair with shampoo it won't need it anymore. You should still with with water and soap on your body though you stinky nigger.

>>9197533

>>9200058
>alcohol isn't illegal either
shut the fuck up faggot

>>9195824
>Marfans and anxiety
>Back in 11th grade I read some Beowulf stuff in English 3 and since then I've thought people see me like Grendel and I will have to meet the same fate he did one day (He was slain for leaving his cave and socializing while hideous)
>UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA
>Become even more of a spectacle
>Surrounded by people and terrified
>Service woman is just standing at the counter yapping with some lady
>Face starts turning red and long silent farts begin
>Start to sweat, eyes going bloodshot, don't know what to do with my hands
>Start staring at everyone around me
>They're staring back then looking away uncomfortably
>People from checkout lines beyond the area are staring
>Service woman finally gets to me and I can feel the veins bulging out of my neck when I talk to her
>She starts ringing my stuff up for me
>Gnashing my teeth together as she gets the same errors I did
>Leave before I pass out

>>9199076
>People bringing their own bag are so rare they didn't realise there is a bug in the "weight your own bag" routine that makes it entirely non-functional.

>>9199360
>>all I was buying was granola bars and a bag of pork rinds
Jesus, just place them on the scale without a bag, pay, and then place them in your bag before leaving.

>>9195833
>immediately go to another empty bagging area and act like nothing happened

>>9196090
Thought those were artisan candies for a moment.
10/10 wrapper.

>>9195836
basically everyone i know does this

>>9196000
>where I could be ambushed.
by what exactly?

>buy an onion
>put number in
>number doesn't exist
>employee comes over
>employee types in onion number exactly as I did
>magically works

reading complaints over self-checkouts is like watching old people complain over using computers

>>9199195
From a purely statistical standpoint, you arent alone.

I'm a Walmart self check person thing.
The reason those go off is because at some point in the day some lazy parent let their kid stand on the bagging area thing and didn't get them off it. Those things can only handle 50-60 lbs worth of stuff on it before it goes nuts. You have no idea how many kids I see jump up and down on them a day,only the regulars correct their kids about it.

>>9195851
>drop everything and run

>>9195933
>over 25
What shithole country is this

>>9198780
Nice reference.

>>9196110
>/ck/ - Food and (literal) Shitposting

>>9200678
people that look over 25 don't need to be carded at all, atleast that's the Netherlands.

>>9196064
>Live in flyover state
>Work sad honky blue collar job as a plumber instead of accruing thousands of dollars of university debt to scrape by on the coast
>Make enough money to own a large house at 22 years old
>En suite bathroom has multiple detachable shower heads and fantastic water pressure
Sure is tough being a backwards honkie
Also
>No blacks as far as the eye can see

>>9200690
Oh right, I remember that now. Just didn't realize there was a separate button for it.

>white men in flyover states don't wash their asses/balls
>black men in flyover states are too scared of water to even get in the shower

>>9200708
Moral of the story: stay out of flyover states.

>>9199438
>the police have been notified please stay where you are

>>9199439
Let's say 10 bags per week which is well within reason for one person. That's $1 per week for 52 weeks. Or $52. I'd love to know where you got HUNDREDS OF DOLLAS from

>>9199195
Same here. Nobody ever told me and I thought wiping would be enough. Then I started using wet wipes and that was an eye opener

>>9199360
>>9199105
>>9199360
it's only pointless because it's way too low, probably a political compromise like everything else that results in pointless laws. it should be $3 per bag otherwise it's going to be completely ineffective

it's like with the tobacco taxes, where a $2/pack tax just fucks over poor people but a $10/pack tax actually gets people to quit

these sorts of things are in effect regressive if the taxes are low, because poor people will still find a way to pay and rich people won't even notice. pennies aren't enough to influence behavior. you have to jack up the taxes to something completely brazen. not that $3 really affects anyone with a job but it's enough to get them to notice and go, "hmm maybe if I carry around a crusty hippie re-usable bag I will now look frugal and practical and not mentally ill"

I mean the only reason I don't carry one of those things now is that they're only used by crazy old cat ladies.

>>9195836
i also usually just hold an item or two in my hands and dont scan them lol

serves them right for being greedy and employing machines over humans.

>be white
>be European
>be German
Feels good. People here think about using as little plastic as possible, that the animals the food comes from were treated with some dignity, that vegetables and fruit is seasonal and local, if possible.
Sad to see that the only thing you care about is abusing the trust put into you, stealing because you can.

>>9200826
>serves them right for being greedy and employing machines over humans.

oh no, technological progress

how horrible

kill yourself though

>>9201325
so before an employee would scan and bag my groceries, and deal with any issues like say a bad coupon or something that wouldn't scan. Now I do all of that work and have to wait around if anything goes wrong. Wow real progress. Sounds like the store owes me for my labor

>>9195824
thats why i dont bother with these, more hassle than theyre worth and im not supporting this form of automation

>>9197056
The ones at Sam's are the best, they actually give you the little gun. Takes like 10 seconds to hit everything and pay.

>please select number of bags you wish to purchase
>0
>that is not a valid input

>>9199195
Same lol

>>9196056
dude, you're in a fucking shower, where your body is covered in soap and constantly run over by water. i don't think there's a problem.

>>9200788
It's just like tolling roads, poor people have to cross bridges to get to work anyways so they pay the $3 which is probably one meal for them but rich people could burn $3 bills all day and no one would notice

>>9200851
Americans like to call everyone else savages but desu we're the savage ones

>>9195870
I used to work in bookmakers and someone would come in once in a while someone would come in with loads of change, spend like ten minutes putting it in to the roulette machine and the print out a ticket and expect me to give then bills. I just gave them their money back in change. Why not just ask me to change your money? I have to empty that machine now dickhead

PLEASE SHOW YOUR ID TO THE ATTENDANT NOW

>>9200541
>I clicketed with the rat like you said, and the TV said the printer needed paper. What to I do now?

>>9199195
>>9200787
>>9201471
There actually are people who literally don't know how to wash themselves. Circumcision makes more sense now.
Something went terribly wrong somewhen. There used to be niggers who were like animals, and civilised white humans, but now the country is populated with niggers of various skin colour.

>>9200788
>it's like with the tobacco taxes, where a $2/pack tax just fucks over poor people but a $10/pack tax actually gets people to quit
It's a sudden raise that works to reduce smoking, actual price has little effect. Slowly raising prices only increases tax income.
t. my country wants to raise prices from 7€ to 10€, but tobacco shop keepers whined and it will be a slow rise over 5 years. And they still don't consider electronic cigarettes to do anything.

>>9201394
Case A : employee sorts problems
Case B : employee sorts problems
Yeah, you're in your right to steal.

>>9201999
>Case A : employee sorts problems
>Case B : employee sorts problems
>Yeah, you're in your right to steal.
I'll say it again, if I am doing labor that the employee would normally do (scanning and bagging groceries) then I should be compensated for it

>>9195873
They want you to put it into coin rolls, fuck that. I usually use the coin star but just get an amazon gift card since they don't take any money off for those

>>9195924
>>9195924
>tfw you buy stridex online because it's cheaper

>>9195861
This. I work in hr and we won't hire anyone who's stolen anything. We've hired people who have manslaughter charges from years ago but thievery is an automatic rejection.

>>9198958
Home Depot employees can't chase you or call the police if youre caught stealing. Fun fact

>put the items in the bag onii-chan

>>9202123
I understand not chasing, but not calling the police? That can't be right. Is it some kind of illegal immigrant worker joke or am I missing something?

>>9198820
There's one Kroger near me that still uses the previous version. I stopped there instead of the one right across the street from my house and it was surprisingly refreshing to hear.

>>9202151
I was in a thread years back about shoplifting, and one guy mentioned Home Depot lax shoplifting policy. Can't remember the fine details, by they basically review footage and put your photo on a list. And that's just if they catch you

>>9202151
It's mostly either not caring enough or knowing that the cops usually won't be there in time to do anything. Unless you're a repeat shoplifter, then you'll get the cops called on you when you walk in the store.

>>9202092
What the hell asshole bank do you use? When I still lived where there was an NFCU branch I used to collect change into a quart style pickle jar. When it was full I'd bring it in and cash it in. They actually had a coin sorter they'd dump it into just like a coin star machine.

>>9195824
I don't know why people put up with these things, unless they're using it to steal. You're performing a minimum wage job >for free and any reduction in prices also benefits the people who go through the regular lanes. Even Aldi doesn't do this and their prices are better than the shitholes that do.

>>9196069

Just use a pouf you smelly shitty puffter.

>>9195933

Why do you even need to card someone who is over 21? Jesus, you could have fought two tours in Iraq and yet you can't buy alcohol because you "aren't a responsible adult." So you're responsible enough to drive a sixty ton tank, carry an assault rifle, kill foreigners, and protect your ass and your country, yet you can't buy a moderate legal intoxicant.

>>9202464
It's so that the employees have no leeway, the rule is generally "if the person looks under 35, card them"

That covers the asians who look 14 until they're 60, and the blacks who look 35 between the ages of 14 and 60

That way the employee doesn't get in trouble for trying to be "nice" and not card

>>9200504

Other prisoners and/or mental patients.

>>9202464
Yeah, you goofball, you risked your life for some fucked up, retarded evangelical deluded assfucks who make and support those kinds of laws as well as others that fuck you even worse. Wait until they thank you with your piddly ass vet benefits decreasing even as we speak. Shits on you, dumbass.

>>9202464
>assault rifle
That isn't a word, please go back to tumblr

>>9196661

How the fuck can you not have a physical bank? There's two branches of my bank within ten kilometres of me. I take out cash once a month and then use my debit card for anything else.

>>9202491
Shit, somebody should tell the gun manufacturers

http://www.heckler-koch.com/en/products/military/assault-rifles.html

>>9197377

We don't even have baggers in Europe now. The cashier rings up your shit, takes you money, then lets you do the rest. The rare time I see baggers they are nearly always have Down's Syndrome or some other major disability.

Self check host here.

Fuck these machines, they are fucking awful. Most of the time, we know you are stealing but don't really care because the machines have angered us to the point we are ready to kill. It doesn't help that we get paid minimum wage to manage computers that break down every three seconds.

>>9202491
you got it mixed up. Assault rife is a thing. Assault weapon isn't a word.

>>9195955
>shadman

>>9199105

Plastic bags are fucking terrible. They feel like shit, can't hold shit, break constantly, and fuck up the environment something hard.

Paper bags are also shit.

>>9200450
that's a really good idea
hardcandies shaped like coins, in coin wrappers

>>9202480
>complaining about evangelicals
wtf when did i time travel back to the bush era

>>9202480

That was a hypothetical scenario. I'm not in the military.

>>9202464
You have to realise you're cannon fodder.
Sorry mate.

>>9202491

Tell that to Hitler (Who actually came up the term) and the designers of the sturmgewehr.

>>9202569
>>9202566

And what about cops or fire fighters?

>>9202579
If you're not competent enough to steal alcohol you're not competent enough to have it.

>this many replies and nobody posts the Bill Burr bit

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxINJzqzn4w

>>9202589

>not paying for the stuff you like so more will be made

>>9202491
based retard

>>9195824
These machines a savior.
I hope you guys tip these machines. They save so much time.

>>9200618
Good, the detection system is so annoying. I hope those spoiled little children break your stupid machines.

>>9201999
>caring about an unethical multi-billion dollar company who had already considered that people would steal from self-serve checkouts and implemented them anyway because they're still more cost effective than hiring actual people
kill yourself my man

>>9195836
This doesn't even occur to me to try.

>>9196071

>>9202579
Well, voting at 18 sounds OK, possibly ruining your life by becoming a porn actress at 18 sounds weird, but that's worth it.
Driving at 16 without a proper instruction and drinking at 21 are retarded.

>>9202860
Did you reply to the wrong post?

>>9202283
I work at menard's and we have the same policy. I work the front desk and have probably let $20,000 walk through the door because of it.

>>9202957
No, that dude was in the right. Fuck you for thinking self-checkout isn't a direct spit in the face of the consumer, you faggot ass jew.

>>9203260
>DA JOOS

>>9202590

Stand-up comedy is uniformly awful

>>9195955

>Go on lunch.
>Decide to use self check because I just snagged a sandwich.
>Customer asks me for help at the checkout.
>Still in uniform, fuck.
>See the drone working the self check, talking to one of her friends, ignoring customers.
>Call her manager, and go help the customer.
>Manager waddles over and talks to self check drone.
>Must have seen me doing her job and the manager put two and two together after the customer left.
>I am not being berated by this fat cunt about how I should not be telling her how to do her job, etc, she is a manager, etc.
>Notice the store director is walking up to us, her back is to him.
>I'mfucked.png.
>He asks whats going on.
>She says I called her and told her that one of her employees wasn't doing their job, etc, it was rude of me to do that, she is very busy doing her job and doesn't need me telling her how to do her job.
>I tell him that I had to help a customer while off the clock because one of her employees was ignoring a customer.
>She says I am lying.
>He shrugs and goes into his office.
>Calls her and me in.
>He reviews the security tapes as I eat my PB&J.
>"Here comes the good part."
>Never see the fat cunt again.
I love self checkout.

>>9200851
>>German
>White & European
>Bragging about eating good quality meat while his daughter has a diet of kebab 'meat' and semen.

>>9195969
just get rid of the thing in the front so the panties fit better

>>9204416
I should take the red pill? ;)

>>9204791
yes become a girl already

if you're smart you're using Scan As You Shop instead

>>9195998
But there are no bags. What do?

>>9197266
Someone actually eats Brussels sprouts?

>>9199195
It's alright anon I didn't know until I was 20, after I kept leaving poop stains on my bed after laying down naked

>>9202624
>having a literal kindergartner's grasp of microeconomics

>place item on bagging area
>doesnt register it
>take off bagging area
>please place the item on the bagging area
>place item on bagging area
>unexpected item in bagging area

>>9204963
That would be macroeconomics, retard.

>>9202464
Why do combat veterans think they're the hottest shit in the world? Every time they don't like something they go OH YEAH WELL I WAS IN THE NAVY AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE TO _______ BECAUSE I SERVED AND EVERYONE SHOULD WORSHIP THE GROUND I WALK ON

>>9204993
>deletes reddit account

>>9205376
They tend to come from economically blighted places where standards of achievement are extremely low, so getting accepted into the military, serving, and getting an honorable discharge is a pretty big deal where they come from

Back home they might not even have met a person who was from out of state, let alone another country

To make matters worse, many businesses have trivial "veterans discount" or "veterans benefit" offers in order to get the attention of potential customers, to a person who doesn't understand how business works they think these are elite privileges extended to them by society, a sign of their special status

>>9205376
>>9205398
He was using military service to make the point that the drinking age is an arbitrary and the ID requirements inconvenience law abiding citizens, you braindead pot smokers. His post never even said that he was personally a vet.

....you guys wash your ass crack?

I let the water run down, maybe spread the cheeks for a second to make sure but that's it...

fuck.

>screen says "please place item in the bagging area"
>till audibly says "please place item in the bagging area"
>area next to tills has plastic bags lined up in it
>customer stands there holding the item in their hands
>till: "please place item in the bagging area"
>customer: "what do i do"

>>9205414
I used to use my old scrubbing poof only for my butt, but I lost my second hook so I only keep one new one for my body.

But I still set the shower head to 'message' and give my chocolate starfish a good rinsing.

I think I got a leftover hook, maybe I should take the time to mount it...

>>9205376
That's what Murica do to have large amount of cannon fodder.

>>9200131
good joke coastal cuck

everyone knows you faggots tongue each other's assholes to clean them and then call it culture

>>9195836
Doesn't work here in Finland, some stores have machines that automatically call a cashier to check on your groceries

>>9205467
How's middle school going

>>9205398
>Back home they might not even have met a person who was from out of state, let alone another country
if they were in the military they would have met people of every ethnicity, from every state and from multiple different countries

>>9205552
Yes. And from this they tend to assume that things like having visited other countries, interracial relationships, and just travel in general can only happen in the context of the military.

>>9205376
Selection bias. My bf is a veteran and he never talks about it to anyone. One of my high school teachers was a marine in vietnam and I didn't learn that until seeing his obituary after he died from pancreatic cancer like his hero Steve Jobs.

>>9205481
I'm actually a Minnesota. Most white cishets here, at least in the suburbs, only wash their hair too much and ignore everything else.
Wash and shave your butt. Feels good. Or do you enjoy being constantly tickled there by a wad of fluff?

>>9205515
I was in high school when I was washing my butt, now I'm 27. What made you think I was in middle school?

Was it chocolate starfish?

>>9202573
REEE ANGLOS RUIN EVERYTHING

Sturm=storm as in storming a beach

German military names are so fucking cool

>>9195824

I refuse to PAY a grocery store so I can WORK for them.

I have no idea what the retard to normal person ratio is in this thread but it must be pretty goddamn high because in the real world the machines work about 8/10 times you use em.

Stop fucking bitching. Retail workers are victimized enough already.

>>9200788
>it's like with the tobacco taxes, where a $2/pack tax just fucks over poor people but a $10/pack tax actually gets people to quit

It could be $1000 per pack and I'd still be addicted to nicotine.

Every smoker would quit if they could, jacking up the tax doesn't help.

>>9195824
Reee

>>9201325

>never read Brave New World or anything by Asimov
>technological advances can only be a good thing

neck yourself mate

>>9195824
>mfw someone with a gigantic cart of food and 2 kids is in the self-checkout area
>takes them forever to bag their shit up too
>motherfuckers I just want to buy this toilet bowl cleaner, milk, and dental floss and GTFO

>>9197312
>>9197329
Eh, at least young kids seem to be making fun of vegans and feminists instead of joining their cults. Good on the kids that made the video, they've got good heads on their shoulders.

>>9197377
I ALWAYS bag my own shit while the cashier is still ringing.

Only exception is black cashiers. Holy shit they are too fast for me. Think I'm generalizing?

Go to any supermarket in a middle class area. Look for the black checkout and get in their line. Seriously, this is my strategy for getting in and out of the supermarket in a flash.

>>9202491
An assault rifle is a select fire rifle chambered in an intermediate cartridge

Self checkouts are fucking great. I steal so much shit because of how terrible they are.
>ring up expensive shit as bananas
>put barcodes for cheap shit on expensive ass cuts of meat
>don't scan shit and pretend I didn't notice it not ring up
only time I've almost gotten caught was one time when I got lazy and tried to ring up a steak as bananas because I didn't have a barcode.
the self checkout cuck came over and opened up the admin menu or whatever and I saw a bunch of red error shit on the screen. he just shrugged and hit the button to continue scanning your shit and walked off.

>>9196052
/ck/ is one of the few boards that is mostly female

>>9206792
It's not a well-defined category of firearms for legal purposes.

>>9202092
Every major bank in Canada has coin sorters in every branch, idk why US would be different.

>>9207415
same in straya
it spits out a slip that you take to a deposit ATM or to the teller

>>9195976
something about that wingspan is so sexy.

>>9203416

>>9205765
You're not fooling me Skynet.

>>9195836
>Doing this

>>9197533
underrated

>>9208248
I feel it was rated appropriately. Spongebob had some good episodes but at this point it's normie-tier trash