/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>9134726
um just ignore him

>>9134734
But he will have no problem torturing them since he's legitimately retarded. And again, it has no effect on me, but it will have an effect on the crabs if I ignore him.

>>9134726
ignore him

>>9134726
Crabs eating pisses me off. I get it, they're just fucking crabs, but they eat SO slowly and with SUCH tiny bites. It looks so inefficient.

>>9134726
Tell him to ship them to me.

>>9134726
LET THEM CRABS MEET THEIR SEXY LORD IN THE GREAT BIG FLAVORTOWN IN THE SKY

>>9134736
>>9134737
quicklymind

>>9134752
>le gay ferarri tasteville meme.

Yeah. Nah.

Drown them.

>>9134740
What makes you think crabs are capable of that level of suffering?

Stop whining about your mom wanting to cook crabs on 4chan. Crabs aren't people, they aren't even close to people, they're invertebrate with a primitive nervous system and no brain. You may as well ask for the most humane way of culling a venus fly trap, insect or fruit (whose farming process includes large scale insecticide). Grow up, you pompous pseudo-intellectual.

>>9134764
Studies.

Finally, a real answer.

The brain of a crab, or any invertebrate, is formed like a donut surrounding the esophagus. The best way to kill the brain and any possibility of suffering is to flip it on its back and stab with a sharp sturdy knife just where the indent where the tip of the tail rests.

>>9134726
Tell him to kill them by shoving them up his ass

>>9134824
Thank you. I'll look into this.

>>9134828
I told him to kill them with kindness. (AKA leave them alone.)

>>9134726
Most people complain about crab cruelty when they find out the best way to kill a crab is to boil it alive. Ironically, it's the fastest and most sure way to kill a crustacean. The boiling water causes their brain to rupture, killing them instantly. As opposed to dispatching a crustacean with a knife, which will simply injure it as it is unlikely that you'd destroy the brain entirely; some crabs have been cut entirely in half and survived for some time.
Otherwise, did you know that crabs are literally spiders? They diverged relatively recently from a common ancestor and their flesh tastes identical. Most people who eat spiders say they taste exactly like crab.
>The More You Know!

>>9135205
What about freezing them for 30min to an hour before boiling?

>>9134726
this whole scenario is pretty fucking funny

put em in an ice bucket for 10 minutes so they won't pinch you

>tear off the shell
>tear off the face
>remove gills
>hit it with a hose to get rid of the guts

There ya go.

>>9134726
Take it out back and shoot it with your shotgun.

>>9134726
Leave them submerged in helium-infused water to comfortably asphyxiate

Put your naked dick and balls by the pincers

>>9136375
Kek

>>9134740
>It has no effect on me, and they suffer because I'm considering their suffering, therefore it effects me

you sound retarded

>>9134726
>I'm a vegan

Stopped reading after that.

>>9135205
You're an idiot.

>>9134761
I second this. Tell him to drown them in the ocean.

The most humane way is to flip it over onto its back, pull each leg off one at a time, then use a blowtorch on the remainder

Scream in its face and give it a heart attack

>>9134761

This

Expose it to an anti-crab and both will be destroyed instantly.

Just tell him you're not vegan anymore so he won't care and will maybe stop?

>>9134824
Are you fucking telling me that in order to quickly kill the crab I have to flip it over and hit its weakpoint for massive damage

Is that what you're saying

>>9134726
Icicle in the heart. No one will know it was you..

Most vegan way... Crab hammer,

>>9137402

This post makes me want to be a better man.

>>9134736
>>9134737
hivemindizzle

>>9137425
>he doesn't know how leathal krab can be

>>9134726
People like you are an oddity to me. Do you constantly waste your time worrying over the suffering of anything that casts a shadow?

>>9134726
let me tell you something about crabs, crabs are the fucking devil, I hate them, FUCK! I don't even like to eat them but I eat them just for pure vengeance and rage. those little shits enter my fucking house every day and then they go straight to my room and hide in the most difficult to reach places , then when I'm sleeping they fucking crawl on me and pinch me on the face because they are little shit eating fuckers. you have no idea of how many different and painful ways I have developed to kill them in the most fucking painful way possible, I hate crabs.

>>9137743
buildings cast shadows...?

>>9137759
Imagining crabs crawling on your face and pinching you in your sleep made me lol and I don't feel sorry for you.

Flash freeze in liquid nitrogen

>>9134726
Old age. Conscious clear.
Make a little crabs nest and feed it headlice directly from scruffy transsexual antifa head.

A mallet. Nobody eats the disgusting body insides anyway. Literally the fastest way, and fun too. Same goes for frogs fish and birds

>>9136535
>>therefore it effects me

*affects

>>9137735
Nasty creatures.

>>9138613
At least they're slow, and not too bright.

>>9134764
salon articles

>>9138620
Their pincers *are* sharp though.

>>9134726
tell him to shove them up his ass

>>9138476
Sorry. Usually don't misspell that. Let's call it a typo.

>>9138667
Will do. Wait, actually that would be a horrible way to die and he might actually try to do it, so nevermind.

>>9134829
Expanding on that, maybe throw them in the freezer for 15-20 minutes beforehand depending on the size of the crab. The situation you're in sounds like a weird one , OP, and the guy gives off a self-hating, closet homo/rapey vibe. I would find a way to sever your association with him.

>>9137759
>then when I'm sleeping they fucking crawl on me and pinch me on the face

>>9134726
The most humane way is to shoot it with a 12 gauge solid slug when it isn't looking at you.
It's painless and quick

20 pounds of TNT will do the trick

>>9134726
12 gauge buck shot, those little bastards won't be able to snap at you before you paint them over the landscape

>>9134726
Place it on top of the super volcano at Yellowstone and wait for nature. Killed and cooked. 1 stone two erm... Crabs
Conscious clear.

Boiling or stabbing the brain are popular methods.

I prefer to fill the sink (or bathtub if you have a lot) with cool tap water and place them in there. In about 10-15 mins they will be dead and ready to clean/cook.

>>9139282
semen demon?

>>9139621
Mattress actress?

>>9139621
>>9139679
Julia Gillard

https://www.google.com/search?q=julia+gillard&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiBs4G21ffUAhUm3YMKHbZeDUMQ_AUICygC&biw=1280&bih=694

>>9137433
SCHNIPPEN SCHNAPPEN

Grip the crab firmly by the head and neck and twist sharply. You'll sever its vertebrae and it will quickly die.

>>9139679
fluid druid?

>>9134736
>>9134737
>2 seconds off

also kek

>>9137759
Are you gnomebro from the /alc/ threads, who sees gnomes messing with him when he's having hallucinations from withdrawals?

>>9134736

>>9139122
Actually kek'd

drowning them

>>9134726
Pot of boiling water.

>>9137759
Please tell me more about the ways you have killed crabs

>>9134726
Crabs (and other crustaceans) have a nervous system too primitive to produce signals like "pain" - it's more akin to a plant responding to negative stimulus. They will avoid hazardous situations to avoid the negative stimulus, but it's nothing like the pain that more complex creatures can demonstrate.

I wouldn't be terribly concerned about it. The crab won't be suffering no matter what you do. Their nervous system is incompatible with our perception of negative stimuli, but perhaps the best way to describe it is "discomfort".

>>9134747

this is how I feel when eating them. a whole lot of effort for very little reward.

fuck crabs

>>9142904
Can you give me sources for this? (Not exactly doubting you, just would like to read into it.)

I really do hope you're right, but since they do learn to avoid shocks and other things I am skeptical and would rather be extra certain. Would still want them to be killed in the most humane way regardless though.

>>9137425
We told you that game was true to history bitch.

Crabs deserve no sympathy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipg4EL_JUyE