/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>be my dad
>boil veggies in plain water
>no salt, no oil
>veggies don't need them
>don't season them when they come out, either
>actually they're so good they're an entire side dish by themselves
>an entire plate of boiled vegetables beside whatever entree i've made this week (usually fish or meatloaf, also unseasoned)
>color is yucky, so always cook everything on low heat so it never sears, wouldn't want to burn anything after all ha ha

>while everyone is eating, ask them "IS IT GOOD? HOW IS IT? DO YOU LIKE IT?" constantly so they have to either feed my ego or hurt my feelings

I love you, dad, but please take some of my fucking advice every once in a while.

>>8902802
kill him its the only way he'll learn

>>8904423
shouldnt that be arbys?

>>8904440
No, it's a McFish.

I found out a couple weeks ago that my roommates taste in food never evolved past what his mother cooked him which seem to be all based on the same pasta sauce and pizza/fried chicken. He is 30 years old. How depressing. I hate him.

>>8902802
>boil veggies

>>8904445
the fish sandwich from mcdonalds is fried. meme accurate or dont meme at all.

My friend likes to google random ethnic dishes and poorly cook with his ghetto dorm kitchen then talk about how great they are when he fucked up the whole thing. He will substitute random spices for specific ones so nothing every tastes right and the other day he asked me how to make his French Onion soup more of a meal and it turns out he just put onion in water for like 2 hours and that was all it had.

Didn't actually see it but
>Friend A asked Friend B how to boil eggs once
>B tells him how to boil them perfectly
>A's dad comes back home to find egg exploded all over their kitchen
>B only found out when Dad A was talking with Dad B
I don't know what the fuck A did but everyone involved had a laugh.

>>8904568
>not boiling carrots

>>8902604
A guy my parent's friend knew in college tried making grilled cheese by grilling a slice of cheese then sliding it onto bread

>>8904450

not as depressing as being 30 with a roommate

>>8902604
>roommate roleplays on the internet as a crab cooking shrimp

>>8907660
NO

>>8907660
oh my lord

>>8907660
top lel

>>8907660
HIP HIP HOORAY!

>>8907660
ebin, truly ebin

>>8907660
wew

>>8907660
Heh

>>8907660
shouldn't it be a shrimp cooking crab?

>>8907660
>roomate
Nice try I know you are really crab anon

>>8907660
audible kek

>>8904445
Aw yy grandma calls the fillet-o-fish that because shes losing her memory. I love her. She used to be a caterer before granddad died. Best food ive ever had

>>8902604
My brother in law hates leftovers and is picky af. Then he complains that food is expensive. They spend $800 a month on food for two

Friend of mine is kinda disgusting. I only ever see him eat out or takeaway. Seen him make food twice in like 2 years. Has dishes in his sink that are 4+ months old. Literally has mold growing on them, refuses to clean. House smells like rotting food, but he denies it because of nose blind...


Feel bad for him, so I always make extra and make him a plate, or bring him something I've made. He always says it's delicious, but eats it without taking a breath...

Made chocolate pudding and brought him some. He ate half in two bites within 2 seconds of me handing it to him. He's eats like a dog that hasn't eaten in a week. Holds his soon/fork steam shovel style.

I said "hey man, slow down, enjoy it". He gets pissy at me because he wants to eat the way he wants to. Yah ok, that's legit. But I'll be fucked if im bringing him any more of my food.

If I spend 4 hours making something, it's disrespectful af to shovel it down without breathing...

>Be me
>have a degree in food production management
>decide to cook something for a friend who hangs out at my place
>made risotto with a proper method
>taste good
>served it on the table
>that dumbass immeadiately pour hot sauce all over the dish and shovel it down like a pig.

I never cook for him again.

>>8907984
Dude, you're a nice person.

>>8908031
Sounds like you know my strife.

He's a good guy, but he's a 14 year old in a 24 year olds body... Plus I don't like smoking in my apartment, and his is a block over. So I'll go over his house and use it to get blasted. The smell of weed is an improvement for the normal smell...

>>8907984
is he depressed?

>>8908101
not that guy but yeah hes depressed as fuck

>>8908101
Yah, very. It's why I try to help him out so much. It's hard, because I've been there. But im getting at the end of my rope.

I try my best to help him, and give him a hand. The reason I know it's been 4 months since doing his dishes, is because I did them last for him.

He knows my rule though, if he wants me over, my spot on the couch and that coffee table needs to be clean and trash free. It works most of the time.

He's also going to grad school.

>>8908128
i wish him the best. thanks for being a good friend

>>8908101
He's kinda in a circle of depression atm.

He's depressed because his house is a mess, and because he's failing at his grades, and none of his friends want to come over any more (even had a friend over that literally said "it smells in here, can we go somewhere else?")

Which makes him depressed. So hes too depressed to clean, or study, which then perpetuates the issue. He usually just watches tv, plays video games, and smokes weed.

I used to help clean his apartment, but stopped when he made no effort to help, or to help keep it clean.

I try to offer to help him study, but hes too self conscious about it.

I try my best to give him a pep talk, when I see he's really down.

>>8908128
He's lucky to have a friend like you anon

>>8902802
added salt is the number one cause of heart disease in our diets

your dad is doing you a favor

>roommate's girlfriend uses a metal fork and knife to cut food while it's cooking in a skillet
>asked her once why she doesn't just cut the food before she puts it in the skillet, try to explain that she's ruining all the pans (which are hers anyway, I keep mine in storage)
>she says if you cut food on a cutting board then try to transfer it to a pan, you lose all the flavor
>she starts leaving passive aggressive notes all over the house criticizing my cooking
>every dish she makes is just some meat with bacon, cheese, and ranch all cooked together

I post about her on /ck/ a lot.

>>8907925
This shit is why I'm grateful that I live by myself. I only make enough for the meal I'm cooking or for a future meal that I've planned ahead for. Nothing is worse than old food.

>>8908244
To be fair. All food is just a vessel to get ranch into your body

>>8907660
>>>8902604 (OP)
>>roommate roleplays on the internet as a crab cooking shrimp
>>8907660
WEWLAD

>>8908244
just start leaving notes back

>>8902802
My dad has the opposite problem
>onions and garlic go in everything even if they shouldn't.
>if a recipe calls for one onion it gets 3
>if a recipe wants half a clove of garlic it gets 2 cloves and 3 heaping tablespoons of minced garlic
>everything also needs to be browned
>everything
>overcooks things to brown them and they get dried out or overdone

His most recent mistake was making jambalaya, and after cooking down the meats in the pot he wanted to brown them. Instead of removing them from the pot to keep the juice they made for the stock and the rice to absorb and browning them in another pan, he decided to boil out all the juice first and then "brown" the meat. Even he didnt like that pot because it was so dry

>>8907984
As a fatass I can tell you that a heaping mouthful of food feels much better to eat than proper portions sometimes. I don't do my whole meals like that, but usually the first and last bites are huge and satisfying. Also gushing a giant spoonful of cold pudding in your mouth is pure bliss but I wouldn't do that more than once in a moon since I like to savor pudding and eat every fucking bit of it.

>>8908551

and then anon ends up stealing roommate's girl.

>>8908244
I have read this in a previous thread. What do the notes say?

>>8907660
>roommate

>>8908031
Why was the hotsauce on the table when you were having risotto?

>>8902604
My friend put raw mince beef on a rice bed in an oven pan and covered it in beef stock

I dunno how it tasted but he said it turned out decent

>>8907660
simply ebin

>>8908188
I honestly rather eat well tasting food and die early than the other way around. Fuck, I love salt.

>>8907660
>mfw

>>8908576
>onions and garlic go in everything even if they shouldn't
>implying there's anything wrong with this
The dish that's not improved by adding onion in some way is not yet invented.

>>8907660

>>8907660
You're probably just the dude from the cap, but I'll post anyway.

>>8908159
The problem, is he's kinda an asshole desu. He's very much a "nice guy". I figured it was just due to stress from grad school, but the longer I know him, often the less I care to.

>>8907863
that would only be right if you said shrimp-cooking crab

>>8908475
Epicc

>>8908154
you described someone i know.
lazy as hell, never ever cleans anything including his own clothes, never cooks, only eats fast food, smokes weed literally every waking hour. The habit is so serious he probably spends 500 a month on weed. Doesnt have any friends left, his room is an episode of Hoarders, he smells, fucked up teeth because I guess he didnt think you have to brush your teeth, never had a girlfriend, in fact ive never seen him with a girl at all. It just goes on. His car is an episode of Hoarders too, like any possible way to be a fuck up, he does it.
Its made me see how this level of depression is so hard to break, there is no amount of shaming or pep talks that could make him fix himself at all, it would take a major intervention and a no fucking around, actual inpatient rehab to get these extreme high level losers to do anything besides smoke weed and sit there.

>>8908877
I have a small tray on the dining table where I put different kind of sauce from Reggae Reggea Sauce to sweet soy sauce

>>8909417
Unfortunately, him to a T.

>>8904763
>French onion soup
>Boils an onion in water

>>8907660
File names anon.
Same cam.

>>8909743
we b-both have androids

>>8907660
EBIN THREAD

>>8908188
b8

>>8909315
thanks but then he should've written a shrimp, cooking crab. (with the comma)

am I right?

>>8907660
fukkin saved

>>8909737
Not even joking its what he told me before asking for help on how to make soup. Nigga is hopeless.

>>8907660
whoa

making scrambled eggs like this

How's the screencap?

>>8910455
Its good m8

>>8910455
>05/08/17

Why do amerilards think this is the correct format for the date?

>>8911795
Why does every faggot outside of the U.S. think that their opinions matter on anonymous imageboards?

>>8902604
Go to craft brewery/bar with dad

>can I get a half amber half IPA (in the same glass) and a pint glass of room temperature water from the tap

I'm not even a /craftbeerfag/ but god dammit dad, you fucking embarrassing faggot

>mom is cooking meat
>watching her because i love learning how she makes that good good food
>mom takes the cooked meat out
>puts the fucking cooked meat right on the same plate as the raw

>>8908031
>that one guy that salts his food before even tasting it

fuck them

>>8911795
>05/08/17
May 8th
>08/05/2017
8th of May

Both are fine and read well. What a stupid thing to shitpost about.

>>8912065
Don't you understand that to you it reads
>May 8th
But to normal people it reads
>5th of august

That's why day/month/year should be a standard, to avoid confusion. Shit, almost every other civilized country uses d/m/y. Then again America still uses brain dead units for weight, length, volume etc.

>>8902604
This picture always makes me mad.

The original are snow crab legs, like fucking obviously, then he's using a kind crab leg in the next photo.

It's bullshit and my autism will not have it.

>>8906581
Steam them you fucking shitbag REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>8912114
Well, if it eases your autism, the reply is obviously someone else demonstrating to OP that you can use a crab leg to cook food, not actually OP doing it.

>>8902604
>Ask Dad to try recipe
>Follows every direction wrong. Overcooks, cuts large chunks when small is needed, undercooks, doesn't marinate, omits ingredients, doesn't add seasonings, doubles cook time, etc.
>"Anon, this dish sucks, I knew we shouldn't have tried it!"
>Meat can never be seared in a hot pan. It must be dumped in cold and let it slowly warm up in the pan, leading it to just being boiled pretty much
>Dad goes on about some "It's the customers choice anon! You should learn how to cook for other people's taste" which is just code to make everything bland and boring
>Er, let's make some fried rice I guess with some teriyaki chicken.
>No marinating anon! No sauces anon! Just plain rice! Anon, don't heat up that pan! Low heat only.
>Dad cuts chicken open and it's perfectly white, he get's up and throws it back in the pan because it had just the smallest amount of juice left when he pushed down on it with his finger
>Presses it down until it's almost burnt then puts it back on his plate

>Beefstew is my brother's "Signature Dish" that my parents love to make during holidays
>It's just cut pieces of cheap beef boiled in water with random vegatables cut up in a "Fuck it" fashion

>>8912002
Salmonella is delicious

>>8907660

>>8907660

>>8912114
its 2 different people you moron. like what >>8912142 said.

the second picture is in reply to the snow crab legs. did you not read the text in the second picture? its a dead giveaway.

I dont think you have autism, youre just retarded and cant read

>>8912109
I'll give you that. I hadn't thought of it that way. But I imagine context would help you out with that in many situations.

As far as imperial/metric, I do think that metric holds more weight but in the context of cooking you can make shit just fine using cups. It just depends on what you're trying to accomplish.

>>8902604
>tfw my family is full of great cooks
I've learned so much from them.

>>8909417
ppl like this should honestly just off themselves.

>>8912114
>>8912142
>>8912255
Someone had been shit posting with that generic snow crab image off google. Pretty sure that was thinly veiled /tv/ shit.

>>8908908
>The dish that's not improved by adding onion in some way is not yet invented.

rice pudding

>>8907660
>Sunray

What kind of brand is that even....the cheapest shit I've seen is Hotpoint

>>8912002
It's good for your immune system

Moms know

>>8912357
> Not eating rice pudding with sugary caramelized onions

>>8912402
idk it's pretty fucking shitty and not level which is incredibly annoying but it gets the job done.

>ordered a medium rare steak at the age of 7
>mother's friend tells them well done
>i saw on a cooking show that it was better
>steak tasted like the skin of a shark

>>8907660
Top kek

>mom's idea of cooking is to take some meat and put it in the oven, no prep work
>when it comes out of the oven you eat it as is with a dipping sauce from the fridge
>and deep fry frozen french fries for a side

>>8907660
kekaroni and cheese

>>8912109
it's a little sad how obsessed you are

>>8908159
im a grill btw

>>8912529
dont forget to sprinkle salt and pepper in one area to give it that extra flavour

>>8912567
i'm a boy, nice to meet you

>>8907660

>>8908128
I feel emotionally enriched knowing that there are people like you out there. I've become so calloused after being burned too often by people I've tried to help. You inspire me to try again.

>>8909290
That's the trouble with depressed people. It might be time for a last call intervention. You tell him is time he confronted his depression it else life will just continue on the same it has been. Weed is bad for depressed people like him. It let's him live in a fog.

He's not your responsability.

>>8912145
That is incredibly sad.

>>8912451
Noice

>>8907660
What's so ebin about this, besides being the same as the OP pic?

I have a friend who is 26 and literally only eats at In n' Out for every meal. Not even exaggerating.

>>8907660
how did you get a crab as your roommate

>>8912957
How can he afford that?

>>8912979
I don't think he's eating 3 meals a day. Dude's hungry skeleton as fuck.

>be a lil kid taking it for granted that my parents could cook
>eat stew beef and celery boiled in red wine over steamed rice every week for years
>that dry, chewy, chewy beef
>that bitter red wine/celery taste
>actually grew to love it just because my parents were cooking for me

>>8909417
dude is your name matthew

>>8912109

+1

This actually annoys me a fair bit. I'm an engineer and cannot stress the importance of standardization.

>>8907660

>>8912895
Honesty didn't know I was being that nice. I thought everyone was like that sometimes for their friends... =/

>>8910455
Pretty low qual considering there's a 100% chance it's just the guy from the cap.

>>8904763
Well to be fair, the "purest" french onion soups will just be heavily caramelised onions, water, and maybe some red wine. But he really just put a raw onion in boiling water and called it a day? No salt or pepper even?

>>8914084
Yeah he didn't caramelize the onions so there is no way to consider it french onion or even close. He told me
>Peeled the onion
>Put in boiling water
>Ate it and wasn't full
Then came and asked me how to cook soup. No caramelized onions, no beef stock, no bread, no cheese wasn't gratineed with any croutons or cheese or anything. Just onion boiled in water.

>>8914101
Jesus Christ. FOS is one of my fav soups, I can never justify paying for it at restaurants because I know how cheap it is to make (if you do your own stock). It's just such a delicious sweetness from caramelising the onions for hours, then a deep, rich savoury, gelatinous beef stock and full-bodied red wine, a gorgeous fatty gratinated crouton completes it. It's Spring, but fuck it I'm making it tonight.

>tfw no thyme plant in my new place so will have to buy it like a pleb
Suffering.

My friend got mad at me because I wanted to cook something instead of going to mcdonalds. He wanted something hot and when I suggested a frozen pizza (which gives you more for the same price) he got even madder as he didn't want to wait to put it in the oven, he needed it now.

That's his money I guess

>>8914084
>water in FOS

Who the fuck doesn't use a rich beef stock?

>>8914122
I went to one of the french restaurants out by me and they charged 23 dollars for a side of it and one of my coworkers ordered it and was saying how great it was and I tried some... the more expensive it is the worse it tastes I think. Fuck now I want to make some.

>freak rain ruined my whole garden
:(

>>8914148
Peasants, the people that invented it. That's why I said "purest" in quotations.

I don't see a QTDDTOT so I'll post my dumb question here before I embarrass myself.

I am bringing pic related (almost) into work with a fork. If I was to eat half of this on the first break (lick the fork clean) then eat the rest of it on a later break with the same fork without cleaning it, is that gross? Will I get sick?

>>8902604

My mother is a retired Home Ec teacher. 35 years in. She was one of the best cooks I've ever known, but over the last decade or so she has completely forgotten how to cook.

> never browns anything
> never caramelizes anything
> never uses butter or even olive oil
> Pam everywhere, every time
> the only beef she uses is lean ground that she never, ever, ever browns
> the only sausage she ever uses is Eckeridge, none of the dozen or so minds made in smokehouses around her house
> only uses garlic powder, not whole fresh garlic
> complains constantly when she comes and eats at my house
> "Everything is smoked/too spicy/greasy."
> worries out loud that if food is too flavorful, my kids' palates will be forever ruined

She wasn't like this when I was a kid, I swear.

>>8907660
goddamn bruh it's over

>>8914422
In the same day? That's fine. Food doesn't go off in a few hours.

>>8914478
But it's okay to use the same fork again without cleaning it properly?

>>8914500
just lick it

bring a tissue if you work in a mine

>>8902802

Is your dad my dad.

My dad is so scared to "overcook" shit that he constantly undercooks. He's served me chicken that was still pink on the inside, and crunchy, half-baked potatoes.

>>8914506
Thank you. Here's a funny gif.

>>8914422
You will be fine

>>8914422
You won't get sick for fuck's sake.
But if I were in your position I would still rinse the fork quickly under some actual running water before use again.

>>8913235
>i'm an engineer
every damn time. and you forgot the "enough" so your sentence makes no sense, mr. logic man

please go back to r*ddit

>>8907660
Timestamp

>>8907660
Well? Have him cook some more sea creatures with crab legs, goddammit.

>>8913235
>>8914618

just replace the word 'engineer' with 'autist' and the sentences usually make a lot more sense

>>8907660
yeah right, what are the chances of two roommates both being cu/ck/s?

>>8907925
How the hell do you do that? Do they go to restaurants every evening or what?

>>8914467
Old people lose their tastebuds. Bland foods probably taste better to her now.

>>8914467
Old people have no taste buds and are crotchety and crazy, "this is too salty" then dumps salt and butter all over it. Old women relatives always have to say something to knock down your cooking since they probably know its better than theirs but they don't want to admit it since it would hurt their pride which is why they always say shit has too much flavor and shit.

>>8910184
I know this is bait but I'm legitimately disgusted by this.

>>8908595
Shit like "whose rank ass brownies are these" (they were red chili cinnamon brownies and I responded with a note that they weren't for her to eat anyway) and "I threw out your MOLDY FOOD" when it was blue cheese she threw out or sometimes even her own food she forgot she had, also lots of notes like "whatever you cooked last night made the whole house smell awful and i couldn't sleep"

Basically anything that isn't freezer pizza and chicken nuggets offends her.

>>8902802
You're a prissy homosexual if you think boiled vegetables aren't good on their own. Grow up.

>>8914936

Yeah, the last time she came over, I made jalepeno-and-cheese-stuffed, bacon wrapped smoked chicken breasts with grilled corn and fried cornbread for everybody else and made her some basic steamed broccoli and a chicken breast pan-fried in Pam. She was pissed but didn't say anything other than that she hopes my kids didn't have their taste buds hopelessly warped by "flavors that were too strong".

Pic related.

>>8915194
Looks great, got a recipe?

>>8915201

You pound a chicken breast flat, then lay in a jalapeno and a dollop of cream cheese. Roll it up, wrap it in bacon and smoke it over hickory. Towards the end, you glaze it with BBQ sauce if anybody wants.

>>8910184
it's avant-garde you pleb

>>8914422
Don't eat smelly shit at work.

>>8910184
>>8915220
a classic post-ironic work subverting the tropes and expectations of mainstream cooking and modern society in general

>>8912529
Pure unadulterated blackpill, your mom is patrician as fuck

>>8915194
looks bangin, would eat/10

>>8915194
Are you me? I had a bunch of family staying over for a funeral about 15 or so and my uncle who's a chef and I did from scratch a lasagna, grilled some ribeyes and pan fried some and did fried chicken and grilled chicken and a shit load of sides. Everything from scratch, home made dressings, batters etc and did a red velvet cake. Spent a whole morning prepping and an afternoon cooking everyone loved everything and we made my grandma baked chicken in olive oil with no seasonings and steamed broccoli. "its too salty and you put too much oil and made the meat greasy" she then drenched it all in salt and butter. The unmarried and childless aunt and her then complained about all the food they tried being too salty or too spicy or too much flavor while everyone else loved everything since it was a combination of recipes from my uncles resturant and the place I had worked at and our own. I mean she literally told us not to put any garlic on garlic bread and then complained it was too garlicy. Bitch gets the shittiest blandest food prepared with less love than a high teenager prepares shit at taco bell now.

>come from asian family
>making dinner one night, decide to learn how white people make thick sauces n shiet
>making tomato & meat sauce for pasta, discover that you're supposed to reduce it over 2 hours
>sauce has been simmering for an hour
>dad comes home, ask him to stir it every 10 minutes while i go take a shower
>20 minutes later I come back, tomato sauce has entirely absorbed into the ground beef and there's fucking corn in it for some reason
>dad turned the heat to highest, added corn and cooked it until all moisture was absorbed into the ground beef

Yeah fuck cooking the whole foods CEO was right i'm exclusively eating out from now on.

>>8907984
Yeah, that's not a normal eating habit

>>8915280

> no garlic in the garlic bread

That's my mother, I swear to fuck.

>>8907660

>>8914122
What onions do you prefer to use?

>>8915320
That's my mom a bit I have to thank god my dad did all the cooking
>Be careful you are using too much garlic sweetie

No mom I've been doing this for years and was paid to make this actually. But thats completely different than my grandma literally telling me not to put any garlic. Was fucking horrified I minced garlic to add to the spread OH ITS GOING TO BE TOO GARLICY. Oh no my garlic bread is going to taste like fresh garlic a bit oh the fucking horror. That's gotta be the worst experience I've ever had about my food being critiqued. Last time my grandma cooked anything it was mac n cheese made with maybe 1 strip of pre shredded cheese, no seasonings, over cooked noodles and a "sauce" I guess you could say. Literally tasted like plain noodles and was pasty white and she just took a container of Lite Salt which I didn't know was a thing and poured it over it for flavor. We had to order pizza for everyone.

>>8915280
>Are you me?

No. No one else is you. Cut this shit "meme"

>>8915596
Are you me?

>>8915600
Are we all me?

Wait a minute

If >>8915621 is >>8915600
and he's >>8915596
and he is ALSO >>8915280
and we are you

THEN WHO'S DRIVING THE SPACE BOAT

>>8915631
It's not the boat that moves, anon.

>>8907660
put me in the reddit screencap

This is about my friend Charlie. He stopped talking to me because I don't have the the time to read 4+ books a week.

>afraid to boil water
>whenever he drinks coffee, he dumps in at least a dozen sugar packets
>hasn't eaten a vegetable in almost two decades
>even the tiniest bit of alcohol makes him sick
>in three years of trying he has never once been able to cook a chicken breast
>when he did try, all he did was throw it unseasoned into a frying pan
>eats the exact same thing everyday: oats, beef jerky and microwaveable mac n cheese
>goes through two cases of gatorade per week
>we order chinese food one time and gets the cashew chicken
>eats the rice by itself
>eats the chicken and nuts and doesn't touch the veggies
>has never in the 26 years he's been alive eaten eggs

I love the poor bastard like a brother, but he's a bit of a nut.

>>8915194

Ahhh that looks amazing. Good job. But what is the translucent layer around the chicken? Is the bacon that thick?

>>8912895
>>8908128
Y'all are giving me the warm fuzzies, and making me wanna volunteer at a soup kitchen or something. Quit being so fucking gay.

>>8915194
idk, nigger, that sounds like some le epic meal time meme level shit.

stuffed chicken breast? okay, the french do that and it's awesome.

bacon wrapped breasts? sounds like a meme and a crutch. why do you need to wrap a chicken breast in bacon? are you incapable of adding flavor to it without leaning on your bacon crutch? are you unable to keep chicken breast moist throughout the cooking process without cheating and adding fatty, salty, cured pork? the simple fact that you resort to bacon implies that you don't know any other way to impart good flavors into the blank canvas that is chicken breast.

and then the sides include two starches, one of which is fried. And there are no greens or vegetables of any variety included. Do you know anything about basic nutrition? Are you aware of the basic concept of a balanced diet?

Look, I'm not saying your food isn't tasty, but I am impugning your cooking skills and ability to provide necessary nutrients for your children to grow up healthy instead of malnurished. Maybe you should read between the lines when your mother speaks. She's from a generation that values letting you save face more than embarrassing you in front of her grandchildren, after all. Pepperidge Farm remembers.

>>8916228
lol where the hell is that image from?

>>8916243
it's from 4chan, my newfriend

>>8915693
did he study Classics in college?

>>8916228

Post your food.

>>8915222
Sound advice.

>>8908593
Given her diet and behavior she's clearly a fatty and a cunt, so why would he want that

>>8916281
I don't usually take pics of food I make, but I've spent the last several years studying cooking as a hobby. I'm not really here to toot my own horn; I'm more interested in finding out what you cu/ck/s are into nowadays so I can stay abreast of food trends.

Anyway, pic related is what I made when I was suffering through the flu a couple years ago.

>>8915292
I fucking HATE people that do this shit. I asked you to maintain not edit. Why the fuck do you think it's okay to alter my dish?

>>8907568
>Implying that anything is wrong with that

>>8907660
>mfw looking at all those (you)'s he got

>>8912529
I find a strange and deep sadness in your story, anon.

>>8916315

>>8912000
I mean IPAs do taste like shit so it makes sense.

>>8916515
Get some taste.

>>8916519
Stouts > Water > IPA meme

>>8916525
Stouts are better than IPAs, but both are great.

>>8902604
Girlfriend's parents make her youngest brother strip at the dinner table so he doesn't stain his clothes. He is fucking nine and he is too retarded to not make a mess? I don't know if he is just retarded or if his parents are overbearing, but everyone just acts like its perfectly normal.

>>8907660
It's the guy

>>8907660

>>8915122
>when it was blue cheese
Should have had her pay for it. Like honestly, how do you stand living like that? If she's so clearly in the wrong, why don't you force a confrontation?

>my mother, wife, and I buy a specific brand of food items when we cook for family gatherings or dinners together
>father always ALWAYS gets one or all items off brand from the usual stuff
>not even to save money, we don't know why this happens
>when I was you get i didn't really care
>mother would get on to him and I felt bad because hey it's still edible
>now that I cook more often it irks and pisses me off because I can taste the differences

I just don't understand

>>8904835
Most likely he didn't want to dirty a pot for boiling and decided to microwave the egg instead. Causes spectacular results, as my dad once found out shortly after we git our first microwave many years ago. Egg all over the ceiling.

>>8906581
My man, boiled carrots are so good.

>>8916832
>when you haven't eaten for quite a while and you get a perfectly boiled potato and put some salt on it

>>8916820
>when I was you get I didn't really care
?

>>8908188
salt increases blood pressure

causes strokes

heart disease is caused by plaque from saturated fats

you are dumb

>>8908154
not >>8909417 here, but you also described someone I know. It's kinda hard to help people improve when they don't have the will/desire/determination to see what's wrong, or even to change their actions. This kids in his late 20's and has no foresight to stay on top of things, smokes weed 24/7, watches anime, dropped out of undergrad level school, cant hold a job, etc etc. I feel like it's a lost cause now trying to help them.

Here's a story about my old room mate that I've never told anyone, because it's fucking disgusting

I got a new room mate I knew from uni, after the one before him was really unclean and would horde plates
>Before the new one moves in I tell him he has to do his dishes and keep shit clean, he agrees
>He's a decent guy too, likes to cook
>He's one of those guys who raves about hot sauce
>Says he loves to cook mexican food and spicy Italian food
>Cooks a big batch of chilli con carne in the first week
>The next day I go to the toilet and the bowl has little flecks of shit all over it
>repulsed an no on longer want to use toilet
>Pretend I didn't see it, hold my piss and go to uni
>when I get home the toilet is still filthy
>"uhhh dude, are you going to clean this"
>"yeah okay", he's not even embarrassed
>he cooks some more spicy food the next night
>exact same fucking thing happens the next day
>tell him he should be considerate and clean the toilet, I don't want to look at his shit
>in fact isn't this standard human practice, even cats and dogs try to cover their shit

Anyway he kept fucking doing it
>I go away for two weeks for work
>come back and the toilet bowl is literally sprayed with shit, it's on the fucking rim
>doesn't seem phased about it
>don't even want to be at home, I'm physically repulsed by the atmosphere
>get in a fucking screaming match with this guy because he thinks there's nothing wrong with it, he brings up that I'm messy to because I sometimes leave a cereal bowl next to the sink before work
>spend all days at uni, eat out for a few weeks
>break my lease and move the fuck out of there, having lived there for 2 years before him

Everytime I see him at uni the image of a toilet covered in shit is burned back into my mind. I also can't look at chilli con carne without thinking about a bowl of shit too

>>8908244
>some meat with bacon, cheese, and ranch all cooked together
That must be fucking putrid af

>First year of uni
>Make a group of friends
>The group go on a roadtrip to my parents place (I come from a little beach town)
>mum makes spaghetti bolognese for dinner, and we all sit at the table and chat
>One of the girls says to my mum "omg this is amazing, like something you'd get in a restaurant"
>I think she's just exaggerating to show appreciation, it's just bolognese

One month later
>This girl lives with her parents right next to the airport
>A friend and I stay over there one night to get a flight early in the morning (like 2am)
>Her parents very kindly cook us dinner
>Rissoles and sausages dry and completely burnt to shit (not even BBQ'd though?)
>pre-packet supermarket side salad, no dressing
>The meat was somehow cold as it's served
>We eat on the couch watching Big Brother
>everyone douses their food in tomato sauce

I'm not one to complain about kindness but jesus christ I didn't know some people couldn't cook, the poor girl grew up eating this pretty much every night

>>8914142
Is he 3yo?

>>8907660

>>8915693
More like hardcore autist

>>8916909
But only if you take over the recomended amount over long periods, you dum dum

>>8916905
I think they meant, "when I was younger I didn't really care"

>>8916987
Spray and pray my dude

Is it true that americans get their digestive system wrecked when eating spicy food?

>>8917063
When I was in America working it seemed that way, but I'm from Australia, and I've never seen anything like it before

>>8917063
Some do (I don't), but it's probably all the extra shit we put in our food.

>>8907984
>>If I spend 4 hours making something, it's disrespectful af to shovel it down without breathing...
No. Fuck you.
I cook for myself and some times I cook shit for 2 hours and eat it in 5 minutes. Stop bringing him food if your just craving for '''respect'''.

>>8911795
>>8912109
>>8913235
>claim to be superior
>don't use YYYY/MM/DD

Yeah, no. You're just an obsessed autist.

>>8917137
>Anyone needing to be told what fucking year it is as the highest priority
Yeah, maybe if you're sorting files on a computer.
But for everything else it goes DD/MM/YY

>>8917082
Well yeah, a famous youtuber here in mexico made a video about "mexican" food in Los Angeles, everything was horrible, it was extremely grease and everything had a lot of american "cheese", the sauce was watery as fuck and the tortillas were deep fried and not even crunchy, more like oil drenched, basically nothing like actual mexican food

Grease and spiciness end up in diarrhea, even for us

>>8917130
I do this too, i spend like an hour making a delicious sandwich, you know, caramelized onions, fried tomatos, grilling some beef, toasting the bread, a delight, the i eat it in 4mins, i stopped doing it for the same reason that i put too much work on some casual shit

>>8916315
>I don't usually take pics of food I make
Nice excuse.

Go back to /tv/, shitstain.

>>8917063
>Is it true that americans

Is it true that Brits can't handle anything more intense than a cold can of baked beans and a toast sandwich?

>>8917137
Hurr durr everything I don't like is autism.

Fuck off, dumbass.

>>8917177
Idk man, brit food seems kind of bland to me but i do like fish and chips

Would love to try kidney and steak or a full english breakfast

>>8917149
>>Anyone needing to be told what fucking year it is as the highest priority
>Yeah, maybe if you're sorting files on a computer.
You retarded mate? This whole discussion was about a file on a computer. You're just so assblasted that it's not done YOUR way that you couldn't be bothered to follow the reply chain.
And what's worse is your only argument for suggesting it be done that way is "I'M USED IT TO IT SO YOU'RE WRONG".

>putting the most frequently changing number first
>all files in the archive are sorted by day
>then month
>then year
Literally the most inefficient filing system you could possibly have given those three time variables.

>>8912109
Had a american international student at our dorm once, she fukin threw away EVERYTHING IN THE FRIDGE because ''no way it was still edible if it had been there for months''

>>8917195
Best part of the full english is the tomato and mushrooms.
>>8917201
I want to believe that is just because she is a woman since only a woman wouldn't know about the date formatting differences since even my retarded friend was fine when he went to denmark.

>>8917200
Mate, I'm not the guy you had a "discussion" with. I was just responding to that specific post.

My dad tried to grill a piece of chicken breast in the microwave

>>8917201
...She didn't pick up on similar dates?
I'll admit that I could have a brain fart and forget about the format difference, but when the whole fridge is 'bad' you should begin to make a connection.
I've seen lots of American companies write out the first three letters of the month, anyway.

>>8917228
>you had a "discussion" with
Different person.
Even so, that doesn't matter. The discussion was originally about a file to be archived. Try following the reply chain before you jump in.

>>8917249
>implying I'm gonna follow the comment chain for posts of this quality >>8917137
Come on, son.

>>8915631
>THEN WHO'S DRIVING THE SPACE BOAT

Me.

>>8912000
IPAs are shit. It's literally swill the Empire made to feed to its expendables.

>>8916835
>>8904568
>boiling a potato and an egg for 20 minutes
or
>baking a potato for an hour

Hard choice.

>>8917263
>has an attention span too small to scroll through a series of conveniently linked posts
>reaction image and baseless insult

So you saw someone doing something differently from you and flew into an autistic rage, demanding they mend their ways.
People like you generally use a trip.

>>8917177
They make excellent food, but they serve it seemingly without salt and at body temperature. It's very weird.

>>8917342
>insult
Grow up, sport.
Also feel free to stop projecting at any time.

>>8907660
I dont understand this post? Who's rommate is a shrimp?

>>8917352
It's like you've been on 4chan for twenty minutes and want to parrot as many words you don't know as possible.

>>8917373
There you go projecting again.
Please stop embarrassing yourself.

>>8902604
My gf does this ridiculous shit where, no matter what fucking dish you give her she will drown it in a fucking ton of ketchup like half a goddamn heinz bottle for every meal. Or just generally has the eating habits of a five year old.

>>8917405
Is she a child actually or could her parents not cook?

>>8917435
Well her mother doesn't know how to cook for shit never uses salt or spices just throws whatever ready packet she has available at it and just mushes a bunch of shit together and every meal i remember having she made she makes a pile of olives pineapple 5 different premade sauces. Meanwhile gf never even touches any onion related plant and refuses to eat anything other than junk food

>>8917505
Just forget to buy ketchup or hide it, jesus I can't imagine putting it on everything. I had an ex that would use hot sauce and ketchup on steaks even did it in restaurants it was embarrassing.

>>8917519
Yep she is exactly like that in restaurants too. Can never get her to eat anything spicy, and she insist black pepper is spicy.

>forget to buy ketchup
I never buy it she has a locker full of the stuff id guess from how much she uses

>>8907660

>>8917533
Sound like you need to have a heart to heart and tell her she has shit tastes lol. Black pepper too spicy, no spicy foods, fucking ketchup on everything.... I couldn't deal with that I get annoyed enough when I have to cook someones steak medium lol couldn't imagine cooking having to cook something bland and then watch someone cover it in ketchup.

>>8917022
Cute humble shit-taste waifu. she sounds cute anon.

>>8917130
Did you just stop reading the post? I literally said that I was not bringing him food anymore.

Did you pass kindergarten reading?

>>8907660
I don't get it.

>>8907984
>He always says it's delicious, but eats it without taking a breath...
>I said "hey man, slow down, enjoy it".
Fuck you and mind your own damn business. I fucking hate people who are so pretentious about food that think you can't taste it if you eat it fast.

>>8911795
OBSESSED

>>8917698
I like how you triggered people saying correctly that you aren't supposed to scarf food down like a pig in front of people and if someone made you something that rule also applies.

>>8907660
Literally my worst nightmare

>>8909417
I'm always curious...how do people like this fund themselves?

I have a good job with a decent salary, but with rent, student loans, eating out, groceries...I can hardly afford to even save.

>>8917844
If you want to save you have to make sacrifices

>>8915222
It's cold fridge food. Doesn't smell.

>>8907660

>>8907660

>>8916255
i really, really like this image

>>8916228
You chose the right picture to post, autist.

>>8902802
you dont eat vegetables unless theres sauce or oil on them?
get a load of this fat fuck.
youre supposed to enjoy the natural flavour of the vegetable instead of some processed mix of salt and sugar you dumb fuck.

>>8904568
>what is vegetable stock

>>8915194
shes right, your kids are going to eat at other peoples houses and be disgusted because you overseason the shit out of your meals.

theres no logical reason to bard stuffed chicken, the stuffing is supposed to add moisture and flavour.

you should listen to your mom, youre a fucking idiot.

>>8918936
FUCKING THIS, I'M TIRED OF SUGAR ADDICTED FAT FUCKS CRITICIZING SOMETHING AS SACRID, NUTRITIOUS AND DELICIOUS AS UNSEASONED BOILED VEGETABLES YOU STUPID FAT FUCKING DIABETES AMERICAN NIGGERS
ALL OF YOU
DIE
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW

>>8906581
>slice carrots
>boil carrots
>drain, add butter and mash carrots

carrots are free win though they're so easy, full of flavor and are sweet.

>>8915292
>>making tomato & meat sauce for pasta, discover that you're supposed to reduce it over 2 hours
you dont have to reduce shit, the flavour remains almost the same, it just has less water in it.

>>8907660
include me screencap etc etc

>>8919015
>same flavor
>less water

>>8916987
you could have just convinced him to eat rice or pasta with is chilli and you wouldnt have had to move out.

>>8915693
the Gatorade is keeping him alive

no joke

>>8919025
>almost the same
>water is now known to completely alter flavour profiles

>>8912109
But to actual normal people it reads May 8th

>>8907660
lel include me in the screencap

>>8912109
its based on ascending maxima,
12/31/99
there now stop being a pleb

>>8907660
something something screencap

>>8916830
>Boiling eggs dirties a pot

>>8902604
Ya and his cooking sucks more black cock than every Kardashian combined

>>8907660

>somewhere in the world, two cu/ck/s have been shitposting about each other on a vietnamese puppet theater forum

>>8919389
>>somewhere in the world, two cu/ck/s have been shitposting about each other on a vietnamese puppet theater forum
>implying they're not fucking
>implying it's not just the same guy

>>8917505
How the fuck can you live with that or be attracted to someone who eats like that? Or why don't you try to get her to branch out? My SO pretty much grew up in boarding school and had the palette of a 5yo when we met. Like no garlic or onions, couldn't identify herbs or spices, etc. I introduced him to a bunch of different cuisines and taught him how to cook, and now he likes a wide range of foods and is competent in the kitchen. It's possible to convert picky eaters. At least some of them.

>>8918936
>>8918982

Then eat them raw or use a better cooking method. There's little less disgusting than slimy, soggy vegetables with all the texture boiled out of them. That's the kind of shit that puts kids off of vegetables for life.

Not to mention that unseasoned, boiled vegetables are a hallmark of shitty flyover American cuisine and other places with horrible food culture.

>>8912000
He sounds like a funny guy. nothin wrong with this, honestly can't stand beer snobs

>>8908244
>meat with bacon, cheese, and ranch all cooked together
i bet her farts are rank

>>8911795

1-12/1-31/0-2017

>>8918936
>>8918982
steamed vegetables are superior in every way to boiled vegetables
get some taste faggots

>>8907660
no fucking way! Someone screencap this shit!

>>8909743
Literally one out of two mobile phone on the planet has the exact naming convention.

Check EXIF data if you want more info. http://exif.regex.info/exif.cgi

>>8912000
?

Honestly former waiter it was general policy we'd just have a glass of water served with people knocking back beers.

>>8907984
>anon goes to Africa with containers of food
>hands out plates and gives out food
>kids gobble it up because they literally eat mud for dinner
>anon tells kid to stop eating so fast because he spent hours making it and it's disrespectful
>kids take 30 minutes eating some dish that could be eaten in five seconds

>>8917063
There is so many legends about americans, do americans really exist ?

>>8902802
>Boiled veggies aren't good
Tell that to collard greens, you carpetbagging fuck

>>8919745
Anon goes to America.
Normally lives in Africa.
Only eat mud cakes. When anon gets food, he eats it like he hasn't eaten in a week because he hasn't.
Sits down with fat ass American and watches as he eats his food without breathing.
Anon asks "sir, have you not eaten in a week either?"
Fat ass replies "REEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

>>8919786
Fucking scumbag yankees. Makes you realize how true the stories about Andersonville prisoners were, where New Yorkers fucked over their fellow northern prisoners. Never happened with southern prisoners in the north, because they had a sense of morality, ethics and humanity.

>>8919955
>Makes you realize how true the stories about Andersonville prisoners were, where New Yorkers fucked over their fellow northern prisoners

what stories exactly??

i've heard of andersonville, but what's this about us new yorkers fucking with fly-overs?

>>8908188
That would be read meat, actually.

>>8917551
>That cancerous filename.

>>8919868
Seems like an actual story, like some mat geo documental on hoe african immigrants adapt to the life in the US or some shit like that

>>8919745
>kids take 30 minutes eating some dish that could be eaten in five seconds

Err, if the kids haven't eaten in a long time, it's actually IMPERATIVE that they are introduced to solid food very slowly. Scarfing down a bunch of food after starving can actually kill you, it's called "refeeding syndrome" (pic related)

>"Cardiac, pulmonary, and neurological symptoms can be a sign of refeeding syndrome. This syndrome is a result of the human body changing fuel sources during starvation and can be fatal."

>>8916987
>muh roomie shat in the turlet and I saw some residue
>i moved out because muh autism

you sound like a stupid fucking baby. the toilet is a place for shitting. occasionally, it does not function properly, and some shit or shit residue might be left behind, despite flushing the toilet. If you don't live alone, then you might occasionally see someone else's shit or shit residue in your home turlet. Get over it. or kys, your call.

>>8907660
first post on /ck/ but include me the screencap

>>8907660
Do not include him >>8920399 in the screencap.

>>8907660
me on the left

>>8920365
>Flush
>Check to see if it's all gone
>Flush again if it hasn't
>Use the toilet brush to scrub away any shit if it left marks on the bowl

How fucking hard us that, you dumb cunt.

>>8920365
In civilized countries, we have something called a toilet brush, which is used if you share your toilet with something else. Also, he shit on the rim.

>>8919005
Found the amerifat who cant eat carrots without butter

>>8914154
> be me
> buy French onion campells condensed soup because I heart onions and think it will be the bomb dot com
> literally tastes like when you run over a skunk
> hurtandbetrayed.jpg

Need to learn how to make this myself so it will actually be good, would be my main point.

>>8920365
Can you not read?

Is it common for you to get shit all over the bowl even on the rim? And if you did would you leave it there?

>>8921062
>I heart
neck yourself

>>8920365
Found the Hindu poo in the loo. In the US we grew up not fearing toilet demons so most of us learned at a young age how to evacuate our bowels without making a mess.

>>8921062
>I heart onions
>and think it will be the bomb dot com
Will you ever learn to not be faggots, Reddit? Not even a rhetorical question. I genuinely want an ETA for you getting your shit together.

>>8921062
>I heart onions
And I kidney beans

>>8916228
>Why would you add flavor instead of flavor?

>>8917063
>>8917177
Yes, to both of these.

>>8917312
Are you me?

>>8912065

>>8908891
was the rice already cooked or did he just cook it in the stock?

probably not the worst thing ever, but far from optimal

>>8913036

>tfw you at least have two parents xD
>tfw you are the one in a million nigger

>>8909417

Sounds like a male version of my friend. Spoilt to all fuck as a kid, allowed to get away with all kinds of stuff and never was taught manners because her parents were emotionally distant and bought her and her brother's affection, actually talented and fairly smart but also horribly fucking lazy, has the Hoarders room thing down to a science... She rarely showers and brushes her teeth, and I literally cannot finish a sentence without her just interrupting me midsentence. Flips out on anyone who tries to (even gently) criticise her because she has intense self-righteouness.

>>8917844
Bank of Mom and Dad, probably. At least that's the case with my friend. They pay her rent and most of her bills, even buy her groceries. She works part time (if she even goes into her job at all) and yet still gets all this anime merchandise and expensive-ass ingredients she uses once and then throws out because her "palate is too sophisticated to just eat the same thing twice in a row." (Her words, not mine.)

>>8907660
posting in a legendary thread

>>8913056
y-yeah

>Would be brother-in-law stores leftovers in the microwave when no one's using it.
>Shit with liquid (via sauces) and meat, standing at room temperature for about a day or so
>Told him that's dangerous one time
>Still fucking does it.
>Only intervene when it's my niece's food because I don't want her dying of food poisoning.

>Sister fucking burns everything she puts in the oven because she literally "sets it and forgets it" because she's too proud to use a timer and lacks the diligence to tend things that aren't soup on the stove.
>Always end up with burned shit because she can't process the idea some things don't take that long to prepare or that timing is a part of good cooking.
>Shit like burned cakes, burned biscuits, burned cookies, burned frozen pizza. One time burned leftover spaghetti to the point it singed in the pot.
>Can't teach her better because she always throws a shitfit.

Not a particular case but...
>Anyone who reheats pizza and puts a Kraft slice on top for "extra cheese"

This is now a sopa thread.
Post rare macacos.

>>8922744
crab anon should return with a macaque arm