/ck/ - Food & Cooking

For me, it's the McChicken, the best fast food sandwich

>>8747680
Dubu Jorim over rice and some spicy canned pineapple to be honest. Modesty and simplicity is fine by me

She's cute. First, i'd've chatted her up as to what she likes. Then, i'd figure out a way to prepare Liked Thing in a relatively new way or with flavors she hasn't experienced before. Combine this with a bottle of wine and her hanging out at my bar while I cook and chat and that's a lovely evening

>blue hair

A toasted cheese sandwich and tomato soup with ketchup in it.

I really hope she gets the hint after that

>>8747680
clammy pasta in a white wine and butter sauce

>>8747680
Probably just the leaves from my gutter. She looks like the self righteous vegan type, so she won't even recognize she's eating garbage

>>8747680
For her?
Fillet Oscar
To dumb looking to know how easy it is to make and can razzle dazzle her.
She could prep the asparagus so she gets that "I'm helping" feeling

She looks like one of those panhandlers with the pit bull and the cardboard sign, only more trusting and minus all the metal in her face

6/10 would take home and watch while she takes a hot shower and then let her wear my pajamas while I wash her clothes. Nothing creepy or weird, I just want to help a homeless young lesbian get her life in order after being kicked out by her cruel, heartless parents

>>8747727
Her hair is soooo nice. My god i wanna hug her.
>>8747680
Id make some thai curry or sushi

>>8747680
Probably something vegetarian. I'm thinking a curry or gumbo with plenty of spice. Rice as a side dish regardless.

>>8747680
She looks like an attention whore, so maybe a vegan dinner.

Hummus with pita to snack while I cook some pasta with pesto, likely made of broccoli instead of basil.

>>8747736
will you make her eat all the eggs?

>>8747680
>Her

>>8747680
spaghetti, overcooked, with some store bought sauce that tastes like watered down tomato paste

cause I cant cook

>>8747680
>burnt stir-fry
"T-this is wok hei."

>>8747760
you should practice anon, start by following the pasta instructions so you don't overcook it and tweak as you see fit.

For the sauce just leave it on the pan until it evaporates more, at low temperature so you don't burn it.

Add little salt, you can add it in the end on your plate if you feel the need.

>>8747680
Chicken alfredo with just a dash of semen

>>8747790
thanks for the tips, Ill try that next time

>>8747737
>Id make some thai curry or sushi
Pretty good plan imo.

>>8747680
Ribs. If that girl is afraid of eating meat and getting her face dirty, it's over.

>>8747680
Spaghetti

>>8747727
>blue hair

Kids these days ... I don't get it. Is it a social statement or another resurgence of the Smurfs? Srs.

>>8747838
Aposematic tendencies present in dna

>>8747760
>>8747837
this desu anons

>>8747838
Kid from this day. Most of the people my age I know who dye their hair do it because they think it looks cool and they like the color they choose. A few do it because they have parents they want to rebel against, but most just do it because they like the way it looks.

>>8747680
Look up a pretentious oil and vinegar mix for bread
Pasta and alfredo with shrimp

>>8747690
I came here to say exactly this.

garlic bread

>>8747680
Something light. Gassy sex on an upset stomach is not pleasant.

>>8747680

>dyed hair
>brown eyes

Nope

>>8747680
Uh

I can make a salmon bake?

>>8747680
"I don't know who did you heard that from, but they are a liar. I said going out to eat"

>>8747680
Smoked cock
A warm, wet mouth should be perfect

>tfw I've been spending every night for the last week imagining going on a date with a cute girl at the grocery store where we buy ingredients and then go to either of our houses and bake our own pan pizzas with our own toppings on each half (I put pineapple and pepperoni on my half and she puts green peppers, mushrooms, sausage, pepperoni, and extra cheese on hers) inside my cast iron pan that hasn't been washed for 3 years and watching a movie together and she teases me by calling me a fucking child for putting pineapple on my pizza, so I get upset that she can't tolerate my tastes and then she offers me her "superior" pizza as she calls it and then I tell her to get the fuck out of the house or I leave her house and we never see each other again and then I start wallowing in misery and regret at home because she was actually a cool girl and then I spend every night fantasizing everything going right with her and we share a lot of time together with our interests/hobbies and even try new ones like a cute couple

>>8748145
If you thought the last half of that post would make me sorry enough to not call you a mong for putting pineapple on your pizza, you were wrong.

>>8747680
Whatever would make her leave.

>>8747680
That Nickelodeon colored hair is a turn off. I think I'd only want her once. Then once I've had a sniff and a taste I'd never want to see her again. Also, maybe some kind of pasta.

>>8748145
hey, we live in a world where pasta an lemon tastes good, so whatever, have pineapple in your pizza.

>>8747680
A bowl of eggs

>>8747680

I'll make you a Kogel mogel - Because its cheap, sweet, jewish and needs a beating... Just like you!

Spaghetti aglio e olio with a simple salad of spinach, Roma tomatoes, and carrot ribbons with a balsamic dressing. For dessert, a blood orange and vodka sorbet.

She looks like a weeb so I'll make pork katsu served with shari rice and a side of tsukemono. The whole time I'm wooing her with my Super Smash Bro technique and why I'll never use Meta (moar like BETA amirite?!) Knight because he's broken, just like her pussy will be very soon.

After dinner, it's Nyanko Days followed by some hashed roleplaying session from a hentai she claims is her only 'release.'

She probably doesn't have a car so she'll spend the night. Morning I'll make omurice, musubi and miso soup. If she hasn't pledged to be my waifu, she's a total ice queen and I'll be forced to drop her off at her mom's place.

>>8747736
>panhandlers with the pit bull and the cardboard sign

Those are professional panhandlers anon. They make upwards of 6 figures a year from suckers like you.

Carbonara

>>8747680
Last thing I made my girl was french onion soup (which is a bitch to time right it takes like 3 hours) and reubens since she had never had one. They both turned out great despite not getting a decent loaf of marble rye.

Used the left over corned beef to make corned beef hash the next day, which I rushed and it turned out not great, but still good.

Before that I just kept it simple with twin dry aged NY strips done right.

>What do you make for her to charm her with your confidence in your movements, preparation, and knowledge of said dish?

Talked up the shit out of dessert and pulled some little debbies out of the cabinet, which we ate. She thought it was cute.

On a side note... wtf do I do with all this leftover gruyere?

>>8748449
>Talked up the shit out of dessert and pulled some little debbies out of the cabinet, which we ate. She thought it was cute.

REDDIT

>>8748452
Naw, I thought that was original. damn.

>>8748425
This, I did this without the hentai stuff and it works. Once a weeb bitch has imprinted on you it will never leave your house.

>>8748425
>her fingers
What the fuck?

>>8747680
what the fuck, I had a dream last night and in it I was in a hot tub with a girl that had this exact hair

>>8748300
I see you

>>8747680
i'd heat up a family size box of 6 banquet salisbury steaks and have jagerbombs to drink

bibimbap and top it off with an over easy duck egg to make it non-mainstream for her.

>Blue hair
Probably a veg, so I'd puree a me soaked cashews, stir fry some onions and garlic, add tomato puree and a cup of dry white wine. Add freshly chopped cremini mushrooms and the cashew paste. Spice with salt, pepper and thyme and add some fried, thin tofu strips. Serve that with fussili verdi and the rest of the wine, maybe a salad for starters and créme brulee as a dessert.

>>8747680
This woman looks like the exact type of the one you'd date in college but never marry later in life.

>>8747680
>stupid fucking blue hair

Nope.

>blue hair

in the trash
I ain't cooking her shit

>>8747757
this

>>8748945
it's a pleasant shade though, unlike the ones in that image

I don't make her anything, I tell her to get out of my fucking house or I'm calling the cops.

>blue hair

Fucking antifa pieces of shit.

>>8748961
Who are you kidding? It looks awful

Anime curry from scratch.

>>8748945
This.

Fuck out of here with that stupid fucking blue hair.

The carbonara. Easy and cheap, but looks fancy to make.

>>8747727
kek I used to date a girl who dyed her hair and couldn't cook a cheese sandwich

I'd always make her tomato soup and grilled cheese before she sukk but I left her because she was a hoe and her life barrelled downhill after I kicked her out

>>8748992
s-sorry

>>8748997
i also let her see the band aids on my fingers from cutting myself accidentally. so clumsy, desu.

Made my twink bf steak and potato hand pies. Bought a cheap marked down cut of lean flank steak, marinated it overnight, browned in a pan with carrot, celery, onion and mishroom, then slow cooked. Made dough from scratch, and folded in potatoes tossed with a light cheesy cream sauce with the beef and its gravy.
Add some sharp shredded cheese to bake onto the top of the hand pie thats brushed with egg wash.
Add a few glasses of the same red I used for the steak marinade and his sweet ass was mine.

Panko-crusted chicken and some wilted spinach with garlic. Sure that's just chicken tenders and leaves, but the fuck does she know?

>>8747757
Yeah looks like a tranny to me

>>8749033
not now boner

>>8749027
did you fug his puchi?

You see how many cultures I can appropriate on a whim? Get mad.

Then she submissively fellates me.

>>8747680

She has blue hair? She's not coming in.

This is a psycho-free zone.

>>8749027
>tfw ill never have a bf to cook for me then ravage my boypussy after

>>8747680
Pineapple pizza on my firebrick oven. Literally sex on first date even if there were no touching involved.
>Look ma no hand orgasm

>>8748449
Never had gruyere because I'm too much of a cheap fuck, but it's a supposedly traditional ingredient in quiche lorraine. I went through a quiche phase a few years ago and don't make them anymore because I don't think they're all that, but if I did make them again, I'd try making them in a rich and creamy savory custard style with egg yolks and heavy cream, because the normal style is too spongy for me.

In this order:

>burgundian beef
>shark risotto
>barreado
>ratatouille
>frittata

Specially the first. Easy to cook, it tastes great, and something I do so often I'm used to improvise depending on tastes of whoever is with me. And it gives me a great excuse to drink wine.

>>8749133
Is this really the original teryaki flavor???

>flour
>rice
also fuck mixing carbs, why not add pasta and potatoes as well while he's at it. disgusting.

>>8748145

i enjoyed that read

>tfw i will never have a relationship beyond eye contact and basic niceties with a female member of the human race

>>8749027

die cis scum

>>8749247
>also fuck mixing carbs, why not add pasta and potatoes as well while he's at it. disgusting.
Tell that to my mother, who mixes corn meal, rice pilaf and spaghetti cut into small pieces and top it with an egg regardless of the spaghetti sauce.

>>8749219
I can forgive French and Italian together in one meal, but barreado sounds very out of place with the cumin. And that's quite a lot of food for one meal for two people. Stop trying so hard, you cuck. She'll notice this bitchboi behavior. Also:
>burgundian beef
Call it Beef Burgundy or Beef Bourguignon like a normal person, you fagit.

>>8749027
You are literally scum. Please consider praying the gay away. I do not understand your preference nor does it make sense biologically.

I don't want a blue hair near me. I would just buy a stand up cut out of Trump and put it in a window that she could see. I don't need a thot in my life.

>>8749322

>>8749338
No it's reality man. I just don't see how people could crave a smelly processed hot dog over roast beef. Why choose that life? It is not rational.

>>8747680
Curry from last night but reheated and mixed with noodles. So exactly what I'm eating now.

She looks 14 and braindead. I could probably give her some Great Value macaroni and cheese, she'd moan "omg slay meeeee" and post it on her Snapchat story. Then I'd send her home to do her homework.

>>8749349
Some people just enjoy the juicyness of a hot steaming frank more than dry beef slices.
Both were meant to be slathered with mayo.
To each their own desu

Why does everyone hate people who dye their hair? I don't understand why it matters, I don't give a shit if someone thinks they look better with neon pink hair. Sometimes it actually looks pretty cool.

>>8747736
>You don't have to tell me what happened, but you do have to eat this

>>8749402
NO. Pray the gay away please. I am merely looking out for your future children.

>>8749402
Is that what Flavortown looks like?

>>8749417
Dude I'm straight and I'm not even gonna have kids. Fuck reproducing in this day and age, and honestly fuck kids too.

>>8749408
>Sometimes it actually looks pretty cool

>>8749427
I'm talking about the kids that were never born that will be forced to go into the black hole unwillingly.

>>8749427
Disgusting, children are a blessing.

>>8747690
There it is: the response we've all been waiting for. Staring ravenously at our screens, we hungered for it. We needed it. You are a cog in the hivemind of the Internet Machine. The aeonian meme rages on like an unbridled river of repetitive jokes, forced references, and mind-numbing puns. Without the cog, the machine cannot operate. Without the McChicken, we cannot succumb to the will of the forum. I can't breathe. lol

>>8749427
>Not homesteading with your twink waifu and five adopted kids
Why would you even want to live?

>>8749444
Yeah as if over population is not even close to a problem

>>8749427
Good on you

>>8749320
Sorry, I expressed myself wrong. I wouldn't prepare all the dishes, but consider those as options and prepare one of them depending on what I'd think she would like the best and the availability of ingredients.

Specially since two beef stews together wouldn't make a lot of sense.

>Call it Beef Burgundy or Beef Bourguignon like a normal person, you fagit.
I call it the way I want. Go whine to the Pope.

>>8749453
If you live in China or some African shithole, sure, but pretty much every first world nation needs more kids.

>>8747727
>I really hope she gets the hint

"Wow, anon, this playful yet comforting dish really puts me in a nostalgic mood! Wanna watch some cartoons and critique them from a feminist perspective with me?"

>>8749033
>I've spent way too much time on 4chan: The Post

Chicken parm
Gets me laid everytime

>>8749467
Chinese population is estimated to peak and then begin decline around 2050 (this is primarily due to the cultural shift of the rising middle class over there). India shows no signs of slowing down.

>>8749285
sorry for having a brain-sick mom anon

>>8749507
If Indian girls were just a little bit whiter and skinnier, I wouldn't mind but fuck they're too ugly to mail order.

>>8747680
Hard to go wrong with a pasta dish. A simple favorite of mine is as follows: dice a whole Roma tomato and a small poblano pepper and toss in a pan with olive oil and a finely chopped clove of garlic. let everything simmer, then slice up a small handful of cerignola olives and some basil, toss them in too. Serve over whatever pasta you want (I find it usually blends well with the texture of fettuccini) and grate over some pecorino.

If you wanna blow her socks and/or panties off with a dessert, a simple creme brûlée works wonders. I recommend the "black and white."

Also serve each with cabernet and brandy, respectively.

>>8749470

>>8747690
Gold anon
Truly gold

>>8749470
I'd actually love to do that, /co/ is my home board. I'd probably end up arguing with her, but damn it would be worth it for the hate-sex.

>>8747727
I don't get it

>>8748449
> wtf do I do with all this leftover gruyere
Cheese fondue

>>8749470
Jesus christ yes. I'm so starved for human contact, anyone will do.

>>8747690
kek
my parents keep asking me why im laighing so hard. What the fuck do i tell them lmao?

Vegan gluten free non gmo kosher burgers. Made out of non conflict potatoes.

>>8747680
I make her a period blood pancake, because she looks like she enjoys feminist cooking.
>>8749408
Hey, it's alright to have sex with barbie dolls, I won't judge. It's just really stupid to have sex with a barbie doll that hates her race, got C-'s in dumbed-down-as-shit public schools, but also can get pregnant and sue you for child support for 18+ years. But yeah, muh dick and all that. It's worth it for one night with a 4/10, right?

>>8747848
Your analysis of the depth of human behaviour is paper fucking thing

>>8749741
thin*

>>8749453
Yeah, "overpopulation". Sadly while we do all need to worry about that, it's not first world citizens that are overpopulating, you bloody idiot.

Some hot wings. I'll even use peanut oil, hope you're not allergic :^)

>>8747680
>Blue hair
Rat poison

>>8747680
Get out roastie whore, I like men

>>8747680
McSquirting Orgasm

>Dyed hair
Whore alert!

>>8749741
Just going off my personal experience of going to university for 4 years.

>>8749718
>Blue short hair = Barbie doll
>Blonde long hair = not Barbie doll
The fuck kinda planet do you live on?

>>8750711
You missed the point.

Dying one's hair implies focusing on fashion, style over substance, etc. which is the whole fucking point of a barbie doll.

>>8747690
FPBP

>>8750711
In my experience it's usually the ones who don't dye their hair who care more about fashion, particularly adhering to popular trends and dresssing as inoffensively as possible. Shirt or dress, leggings, boots or heels. Dyed ladies either show up to class in sweats and a tshirt or go all out with elaborate makeup and unique dresses. When they do bother with fashion it's something risky, retro, or just odd. They're more comfortable with themselves.

>>8750717
if that was true, a barbie doll wouldn't fit comfortably in a child's hands or have thin straight limbs to aid in changing its clothing.


the doll is designed to be functional, not just "pretty".

>>8750878
>have thin straight limbs to aid in changing its clothing.

That's the point exactly. Changing clothing so easily (and hair styles, and all the other fashion stuff you can do with barbie dolls) is the very definition of style over substance.

>>8750883
it's a doll. it's purpose is to be bale to change its clothes.

if the doll was style over substance it would look gorgeous, but be unusable (ie a child would be unable to change its clothes)


compare porcelain dolls to barbies. one is just for looks, the other is for playing. one is functional, the other isn't.

>>8750910
Both are for looks.
One is the look that the designer created.
The other is the look that the child dreams up & selects from the myriad of sold-seperately barbie accessories.

If you want an example of substance then you need to get away from dolls entirely. Consider something like a nonfiction book. A wrench. A frying pan.

>>8750929
so you want girls to grow up without learning social skills that make them feminine, got it.

>>8747737
>Id make some thai curry
That was you can destory her ass in two ways.

>>8750958
Femininity, the same as masculinity, runs deeper than social skills and roles.

>>8747680

jino's crisp and tasty pizza. for me not her. i'd get belligerently drunk and force her to suck my dick, I probably won't cum.

>>8747727
She's picky so this is all she eats?

>>8747757
No way

>>8750973
GOT THAT RIGHT

>>8747747
>Not using vegan gluten free basil

>>8747680
>feminist

Not in my house.

>blue hair

Get out you filthy communist thot!

>>8747736
>pajama pants

>>8747790
What are you picturing in your head when you tell someone who doesn't know how to cook to, "tweak it as they see fit"?

>>8747690
Man, fuck sweet and sour. SnackWraps all the way.

My dick

I can't cook for anyone but my family. People are picky fucks.

>>8747680
die bitch die i only flip traditional women like the ones varg likes

Probably gumbo or some bullshit with tofu like miso soup or just fried tofu with plain rice and a vegetable side dish.

>>8747680
>"I'm really in Asian guys at the moment!"

Oh no, not again. Time to leave before I get told to 'put the lotion on it's skin;

>>8747722

Too try hard for a dinner date. Girls like casual. Make a meal you're familiar with, even if it doesn't stretch any creative boundaries.

>>8747736

>inviting a girl in your home to deplete your resources without expecting any sort of penis stimulation in return

eggs

>Nice face, eyes, smile
>Not a landwhale
>Blue hair
>Not pink

Toe nail clippings it is!

>>8747680
chinese food duh

>>8747680
Something that pairs well with roofies and methanol

>>8750727
From my experience this is correct.

The only thing she's getting from me is a helicopter ride.

>>8750727
Let me guess - you have dyed hair. The whining about people who don't go out of their way to look like a cheap whore being "conformists" gave it away, in case anyone couldn't figure it out by the time you pretended anyone without major daddy issues would do it.

>>8747680
For girl in pic, OP?
Kraft Mac and whatever leftovers in my fridge. Ain't cooking for anyone with blue hair/SJW bitch.

For any girl worth having, any homely Italian dish or preferably something that fits her pallet.

i serve >her my dick in a hot dog bun
oohhhh

>>8754421

Something relatively light, just in case her self-esteem is low enough for us to have sex that night.

Whenever I cook for someone I am trying to impress I first ask if she has any dietary restrictions (somehow I end up dating vegetarians often). Go from there, along with a dessert that normally consists of baked fruit that I can put in the oven while we eat out main course with a timer set aside. I know how to make some good cocktails so at some point I make something on request.

And if she spends the night, breakfast consisting of at least hash browns and maybe eggs (again, dietary restrictions in mind).

>>8747680
Pasta aglio e olio. Simple and tasty. No bullshit. Any girl I roll with has to like garlic at least as much as I do.

>>8754375
Nope. Never dyed my hair once.

I think you misunderstood. What they're saying is that actually I'm quite the cuck.

>>8754868

I know what I'm making for dinner.

>>8747680
This type of girl is my biggest fucking weakness.

How do I shake it?

>>8754896
You know what to do.

>>8754896

Do what >>8754868 recommends, play some Portishead or Melissa Etheridge on the stereo (because she's probably bisexual and all bisexuals listen to them.)

Don't forget the wine. When she sees you uncork that bad boy it's gonna be Mt Splashmore in her panties.

t. some bitch

>>8747690
https://youtu.be/jG9YorUJw3g

>>8747838
>Srs.
You think you have room to criticize dyed hair but you don't.

>>8749555
Serious question. How do people use one clove of garlic in an entire recipe? Why even add it at that point?

>>8747680
First off, you lay out some hummus, baby carrots, salami, fucking fancy crackers and shit. Because bitches love appetizers. Uncork a bottle of white wine, a Chardonnay or Pinot Grigio. Let her sip some wine and pick at the appetizers while your cook.

Also, don't forget to have some music playing for ambiance. Frank Sinatra is a great wingman.

I'd do a simple chicken recipe, and rice or pasta. For veggies just buy a spring mix from the grocery store, toss in some feta and a balsamic vinaigrette. Balsamic = I wanna put my face in your boobs later.

Stay away from asparagus, it'll make your jizz taste bad so she won't swallow later.

Make sure you finish the first bottle of wine before you serve dinner. Then open the second when you plate the meal.

If this doesn't get you laid, you're probably gay.

she is really unremarkable not even cute

>>8755178

I'm a huge cock sucking fruitcake and I'm here to say you're the gayest mofo around. She is super kawaii. If only she'd lose that godawful blue hair.

>>8755196
what a dumb post

>>8755216

your face is dumb.

>>8755196
>super kawaii
just die okay?

>>8755006
What do you have against sexual reassignment surgery you transphobic

>>8747727
tremendous post

>>8747680
>Bake up a nice tombstone pizza, supreme. Ben & Jerrys for dessert.
>Sip moscato and immediately win her over by expressing my extreme disdain for Trump.
>Have crazy sex and shout Sieg Heil when i finish.
>Politely ask her to leave.

100% guaranteed success lads.

>>8755855
>moscato
shit anon, that's one step too far

>>8755196
I can ignore the sassy gay stereotype, I can ignore "super kawaii", but I can't ignore people with shit taste who don't like blue hair.

>>8754976
>>8747690
Why do you never see the full McChicken pasta?

>>8749718
>women and minorities are why I'm not a winner

>just turned 25

>have never spoken to a human being outside of work related stuff and family

I have no idea what people even talk about.

>>8756531
>I have no idea what people even talk about.
inconsequential things (read: weather, sports, factoids, etc) to judge whether or not the person is a nutter, and then later on personal interests and events.

>>8755068
It's a small batch, doesn't need a whole lot. Just that little kick.

>>8756554
>inconsequential things (read: weather, sports, factoids, etc) to judge whether or not the person is a nutter

Oh, is that what it's for? No wonder.

>>8756554
How the hell do you speak about those things though? Like just

>nice weather we're having
>yea
>...

theres nothing to talk about.

>personal interests
I have none

>events
like?

>>8747727
I don't get it.

>>8756575
>theres nothing to talk about.
You ever had (insert meme food)?

>I have none
Shitpost less, do hobbies more. preferably ones that have things to talk about (ie: not static models, stamps, etc)

>like?
Get a wife.

>>8756597
>You ever had (insert meme food)?
>yes/no
>...
then what?

>do hobbies more
nothing interests me

>get a wife
I don't want to have to interact with someone daily.

>>8756609
>then what?
Oh gosh by golly (insert my opinion of food here) and (comments of note abotu preparing food). then if the other person has interest in maintaining the conversation, then they will attempt to explore the topic until it pans out and then they will try to start a new topic of conversation.
Explore friendship the same way you would for dating, and vice versa.

>nothing interests me
The words of mike row fit here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVEuPmVAb8o
No passion, no problem. Do/try things that other people might find interesting, and see if you can't find something you like.

>I don't want to have to interact with someone daily.
Enjoy the clap I guess?

>>8756629
>giving personal opinions to other people
good way to start a fight. Where the fuck would the conversation even go from there. Why do they care about my opinion. Why am I pretending to care about theirs.

>Explore friendship the same way you would for dating, and vice versa.
I have no idea how dating works. I've never met someone I was even remotely interested in.

I watched that entire video and it did nothing for me. It's just about making money.

>>8756653
>good way to start a fight.
You like lentils? Cashier outside, howbowda?

>>8756710
I don't understand.

>>8748447
Please buy the damn stock pots

>>8747680
Who talks like this?
That is some generic small talk

Keep your roleplays in /r9k/

>>8747680
The morning of our dinner date, I'd order some Chinese food. Chow Mein, sweet and sour chicken, whatever. Doesn't matter.
>Leave it in the fridge all day
>Jerk off the anime for several hours
>About an hour before she shows up, throw the food into some pans on the oven
>Throw out containers
>Heat the food up right before she's do to arrive
>DING FUCKING DONG
>Answer the door, let her know I was just finishing up dinner

I don't know where to go from there because I've never actually cooked food for a girl before. Eat it and bang, I guess?

>>8747680
With that haircut you're getting dog food

> ITT choosing beggars

>>8747760
> /ck/, the post

>>8747736
what movie is this shower thing from

>>8747680
You missheard, they said "He has quite a cock"

Open wife.

We'd have Totino's pizzas served with frozen peas and 40 ozers of Steel Reserve to drink

>>8747680
>blue hair
nothin. just whipping my dick out. she'll either go for it to piss daddy of and show how liberated she is or she'll run away screaming because its not a black clitoris

>>8747836
Muh niggah

>>8748116
Muh nigga

>implying I would ever invite a crazy haired SJW roastie to my home let alone nourish her

>>8757573
this

/ck/ doesn't know this is a shemale

>>8758363
prove its gender.

Seriously, this entire fucking thread of people just arguing about the gender of the bitch in the picture.

Nudes. Post nudes to prove it's dudes.

>>8756489
>white males must blame everyone with a different gender or skin color for all their problems like I do

OP is pic related or not?? The ethos must know

>>8747755
Legitimate kecked.
Well done. 8.22/10

I have here...double spiced marinated...with a twist of lemon sour and grilled seared perhaps....or, wait, cilantro crisps are coming...I also have stackers with beefy puffs...shit...

>>8747757
>>8748958
>>8749033
>>8751449
>>8754680
>>8758363
>>8758369
It's a girl pretending to be a boy pretending to be a girl, just like what you would expect from that hair color

>>8749247
>Is this really the original teryaki flavor???

its literally just adding sugar to soy sauce so it gets caramelized

>>8748425
FINALLY A FELLOW META KNGIHTER

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO PLAY THE BEST CHAR IN SMASH?

>>8758363
What does that have to do with making zir dinner?

>>8747727
came here to post this

>>8754868
>he watched Chef

>>8758503
You fucking faggot

>>8747727
>not wowing her just enough to get the hate fuck in
Terrible idea, my dude.

>>8747680
>charm her with your confidence in your movements, preparation
>implying I'd invite her to watch me cook
I'm garbage at time management. I'd make something that reheats well earlier in the day and then have it ready when she walks in the door.

>>8747680
*force down to ground*

Im 23 and have no kid yet!!@! :(

that always works. :)

>>8748897
Stealing that for my veg gf.

>>8748897
Nice plan on activating those cashews first, wouldn't want to offend

>>8756819
How do manage to get inside the anime to jerk it off?? If you can accomplish this why do you need a gf?

A bologna and Kraft singles sandwich with mayonnaise, a side of Flamin' Hot Cheetos, and a plastic cup full of MD 20/20.

She'll be begging for this dick before the meal is finished, guaranteed.

>>8747735
asparagus is the way Adam Carolla can tell if she's a squirter...

>>8747842
This made me chuckle... Thanks for that.

>>8749393

>Great Value Mac and cheese

she won't be moaning anything if she's dead, anon

>>8748182
HOW IS THAT????!

I like scampi with the pasta, but I can't stand pineapple on pizza.

WTF?

How do magnets work?

>seriously...

ratatouille provençale

>>8748588
prophecy, I hope...

>>8748887
The last time I had bimibap I vomited. It was probably the egg. But Goddamn, it was delicious going down.

Never had it again, though.

>>8749027
You are a god.

Good idea.

>mfw Straight and no gf so I'll do this for my family.

>>8748997
the packets that make this are pretty dank desu. you could make it and say you did it from scratch

>>8747680
This is bait.

>>8761469
Nah, mang, too much roux for my tastes. Plus, I get to circlejerk about muh form scratch. I make 2-3 tablespoons worth, which only takes a couple minutes to darken to just slightly darker than peanut butter.Then I brown the meat and onions, and add cumin, turmeric, and ground coriander and black pepper. Boil to desired thickness, add potatoes and carrots, and you're done.

>>8750978

lol, good one

underrated

>>8749444
Children are a curse.
I should know as I am an offspring.

>also, I'd make her home-made pizza

>>8749685
>non-conflict taters (PO-TA-TO)...

I'm gonna have to remember that one.

>>8755068
My stomach can't handle too much garlic.
I drank too much in a previous life...
:(

>>8761494
THANK YOU.

I've done roux for a make-shift poutine but never curry, yet.

>>8761264
Cool, tell me how it turned out. It's my signature dish.

>>8761293
That's actually a relict from the time when I has a suicide-tier food processor.