/ck/ - Food & Cooking

That would be hilarious

Are you a cute girl? Are you blind? Do you wear a hijab? Are three of your limbs missing? Do you have PTSD?

They don't care about your cooking skills, they just want telegenic story time and drama.

If all else fails, practice crying on cue.

>>8568804
This. Tell them anime ruined your life.

>>8568780
make beef bourguignon

>>8568804
I'm a quadriplegic pansexual slothkin currently studying the q'ran (asallah maleykum)

I cook with a knife on a stick

Just rember to keep autism as low as possible
If you can't you will look like a memeing sperglord

>>8568780
you better fucking meme if you get on the show you spergfuck.

represent! pan nice and hot, give it the old shake-ah-shake.

>>8568780
>>8568804
This.

you are auditioning for your ability spin an easily digestible trope, if you can play the over-confident guy they will ask you to play that up in the post-interview feels session. You generally just want to be vague and emotional so they pick you. Make sure your dish has a story that you can spin as your own...

It doesn;t have to be your signature dish, maybe your nonna taught you this and your dad had a version but you are branching out and trying to be your own man.

>>8568780
Master this pose. It's called the BIG GUY pose. Also have some catchphrases ready and use them when appropriate. For example:
>bane?
>you don't get to bring friends
>for you
>nows not the time for fear........ that comes later

>>8568967
nobody cared who OP was until he put on the apron.

>>8568993
Oh shit this is a good one. Now you have to win OP.

you have to work some /ck/ memes into the show OP.

Tell them your nickname is Opie.

Tell them that you've been told by friends and family that you have the skills of Ramsey and the attitude to match it.

You never accept anything less than 110% in the kitchen and constantly go into meltdown whenever the judges speak to you while you're cooking

>>8568780
Make anime food exclusively

I will fail autistically and unintentionally. That's for sure. What could I cook though?

>>8568804

This. It's TV. TV comes first. You can create a fucking epic world class ratatouille like the movie, but if they wouldn't care if there wasn't a disaster behind the scenes or some drama or a sudden come-from-behind victory.

>>8569108
And you're a faggot

>>8570249
Tendies with homemade ketchup. Keep a pee bottle in your back pocket for when the judges kick you the hell off the show.

>>8568804
This.

>>8570249

Make a rice risotto that Ramsay doesn't scream at you for ruining.

If you actually make it far enough to get on tv, please throw a "Wa La!" in somewhere along the line.

When will you know if you're chosen? Please deliver

What kind of Jack references could OP make?

Say you're part of the alt-right. It's topical and they might use you for the villain.

>>8571042
*viola

If they ask your favorite food mention the McChicken or tendies.

For these shows they either pick you because you're good, or more likely because you're wacky or some shit. Just don't fuck up goddamn scallops

>>8571239
Yeah, helps to have a back story that stands out a bit, or be from a region or upbringing with an unusual culinary take, or look fabulous, or have a way of passively aggressively pissing off other contestants...*something* they can stitch a story around.

>>8568839
>actually typing this out
hello r.eddit!

It should probably be noted that 4chan spergs now have a place on reality cooking.

There was that horrendously obvious brony NEET in the first season of the Great British Baking Show

>>8568780
make them a mcchicken and tell them for you, it is the best comfort food sandwich

or, make Ramsey the toothpaste hotdog from twitter

>>8568780
Drop some subtle baneposting, then link the episode on /tv/
Some baneposters occupy high positions on some networks you'll never know

Name drop Jack and say he's the one who inspired you to cook.

Season-long cooking shows are about being enjoyable and having a good cast of people that the viewers will want to root for and watch every week.

If you're just a generic schmuck you're not gonna be wanted.

I was on worst cooks in america season 2. I didn't win (obviously) but assuming master chef is in any way similar to hells kitchen or food networks next TV star or whatever the fuck they're calling it nowadays, or top chef, it's 90% drama, 10% food.

The most important things to remember is listen to the staff. If they tell you to put on a glove, put on the god damned glove. Saw someone get replaced for not pretending he cut his finger.

>>8571535
>I was on worst cooks in america season 2.
Who were you?

>>8568780
You better find a way to mention pink Himalayan salt if you make it.

>>8568780
Banepost

Reference memes in very sneaky way

>>8571541
matt crespi. I got the axe week 3. The show was real, we got to spend time with the chefs (I was on robert irvine's team), but a lot was played up. The audition process wasn't dissimilar to how master chef was the first few seasons here in the states. We brought in a signature dish, then they had us do menial tasks and gave orders over a megaphone, to see how we would react, and I assume they picked the group best suited to being on TV. In one section of my audition they had us chopping onions, and were watching us to see who was capable of doing it, and who was just totally retarded. They asked us to do things like dice and julienne and of course I was just a college student so I was fucking retarded and had no idea how to do any of that shit. Then they started walking up to us and asking us what we think would be a good meal to make with onions, do we season with onions at home, do we have any funny stories, do we cry when chopping.

It was like an interview, essentially. But I saw many many people get kicked from the audition due to not obeying the commands or trying to be TOO wacky/zany.

>>8571562
hey there neighbor

>>8571609
Is this what a typical lover of a McChicken looks like?

>>8571562
so do you like the regular mcchicken or the spicy mcchicken?

>>8571692
more like this

>>8571562
>matt crespi.
your twitter is boring

>>8568780
Drop the "For me its the McChicken, the best fast food sandwich" while getting interviewed.

To everyone asking, or course I'll meme the shit out of it; but first I'll have to get in.

SO GIVE ME DISH IDEAS

>>8572797
Since they no longer try to appeal to an audience with a gross factor, go for something actually good.

Try making something either super healthy and light, or super dense and hearty, because the extremes are what will allow you to stand out the most as an applicant. No one wants to see chicken breast dressed up in some shitty generationally-passed sauce. They want something unique.

But also not unique enough that it's confusing to a viewer what your style of cooking is at home, so no molecular gastronomy. No fuckin FOAMS, mate.

Stuff your pockets with spaghetti

>>8572804
No chicken foam. K.

The love the "food truck chef" archetype. Roll up your sleeves and wear a bandana. And always look slightly like you don't want to be there.

>>8572797
Make some ethnic cuisines. There's always a foreigner who only cooks their ethnic style for the whole damn show

>>8571562
http://blog.foodnetwork.com/fn-dish/2011/01/worst-cooks-exit-interview-matt-crespi/

http://www.geekadelphia.com/2011/02/25/matt-crespi-philly-native-one-of-americas-worst-cooks/

You seem like a cool guy.

>>8568780

Do some french cuisine with a wine based sauce and they will all suck ur 1337 dik

Wear a Pepe shirt

>>8570304
>rice risotto
>rice rice

>>8568780
My gf was on this. They try make you fuck up by keeping you exhausted, then rushing you into the kitchen to cook. The warehouse is freezing.

Stories work better than good food. Most of the competition comes from actual chefs who work in catering: no amateur wins these. At least be memoracle, don't cry and throw some subtle memes to the camera.

They made her cry, those fuckers. I swore revenge on the chef, but I've settled for spitting phlegm on his restaurant every time I pass.

>>8571562
Pretty cool anon. I hope you're doing well.

Do they allow a studio audience? Love to get tickets to a taping.

>>8572953
this. at least hide a can of spaghetti-o's in there if you get on tv.

>>8568780
Make a cassoulet. Pretty simple and reheats well

>>8570249
RAMEN SUNDAE

MILK STEAK

CHICKEN NUGGERS

THE MEMES ARE ENDLESS

>>8571373
>or, make Ramsey the toothpaste hotdog from twitter

oh fuck, this

>>8572804
I say go for the foams. Get fucking crazy with it

>>8571526
>Name drop Jack and say he's the one who inspired you to cook.

Holy shit, do this.

Do the interview from the point of view of his son.

>muh dad always abused me while he was cooking
>routinely fed me uncooked food, almost died several times
>would chase me around the house with his pork claws when he'd been drinking

It's not the US version. Is Latin America so most memes will pass unnoticed. I can still get some through, pepes would fly trough.

No professional cooks, or anyone with any formal cooking education.

They won't be supporting any type of hearing or cooling for this phase. So the dish should hold well in a cooler (warmer if I throw in a couple of heat packs)

>>8574361
Also should I trip for these threads? Just to jeep you up to date on my wacky hijinks

>>8574366
Yes

>>8568814
And tell them that cooking is the only thing that's keeping you from committing suicide.

>>8574361
>pepes
Normies think pepe = white nationalists

I would not advise that

>>8574361
Make some chicken fricassée or beef stew. Everybody loves that kind of stuff.
Add leeks and parsley for a touch of fanciness.

This thread reminds me of my autistic dream of getting in Master Chef and serve exclusively dishes based on stuff from Shokugeki no Soma

Fill a crockpot with Staggs chili and call it "OPs name" 's famous award winning chili.
If they ask about the awards it's won say it won chili of the year on /ck/ in 2015-2016.

>>8568814
why am i laughing at this

>>8576354
>Shokugeki no Soma
Is that a restaurant?

>>8573770
women cry when the wind changes direction slightly. hardly a reason to be upset enough to swear revenge on the chef

>>8574066
Also, quinky sauce on everything

Bump, any news OP?

Me gusta mc tendies senor

>>8568780
i was in masterchef in my country. it was pretty cool.
honestly, no real tips apart from be yourself, learn as much as you can both during and before the show.
don't let them style you to a fucking douchebag

>>8576821
I'm more rustled at the implication that shit is new or something only found in niche grocery stores, than about it being "hot".

Tell them Jacks cooking show is your inspiration

>>8573770
Women cry. That's just what they do. Don't get bent out of shape. She probably just wasn't used to the pressure and there's no handholding with this sort of thing.

>>8576846
>>8568780
>>8571535
Proof you're not LARPing. Time stamp a letter or a photo of yourself.

>>8568967
>cook a dish using beer
>way before adding beer, say "now's not the time for beer.... that comes later"

>>8576354
Yes absolutely do that OP. Study the Mango extensively, and only make dishes from it for challenges. It would be a great troll.

>>8574947
Not in latin america
Normies here still use "Pepe la Rana" for their horrible memes
>>8574361
Country?

>>8576440
It is the single greatest thing to have ever been produced by Japan.

>>8576953
>a live fucking turtle

Open here. I will post proof after Saturday. Hopefully I'll get one of the fifty spoons.

I think I decided on osso bucco with polenta.

>>8576354
voting for this

>>8568780
masterchef america?

jeez just shit in your hand should be good enough for the judges and the viewers