/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>8246479
What? It's probably potatoes, cabbage, eggs and beef on occasion.

Use salt and pepper, if that's not too ungodly. Man. christcucks. Every time.

>>8246479
>I need to know what monastery food is like and how I can make it taste at least decent.

dude...its not suposed to taste good....in a monastic context food is fuel for life and prayer.....enjoying food too much is deemed sinfull in a fashion

>>8246492
don't get memed on
op is just changing up the 'I'm going to prison' bit

>>8246505
Don't tell me what I bait I can or can't take.

>>8246492
That's misleading. Monks just keep their food simple and avoid gluttony, but they don't make it taste bad on purpose

>>8246519
Also, they grow their own veggies

>>8246519
im not saying they eat gross food, just that the food is plain and if your joining a monestary you should be prepaired for plain eating

>>8246479
Depends on the monastery to be quite honest. I did a few years in Tibet (the squatting crane, old timers will know it) and they had some dank lotus tea after practice in the yard. Zhuge Wang taught me how to make "monastery moonshine" by hiding rice pudding in the chamber pot for a few weeks.

Belgium also wasn't bad but everyone is just trying to get transferred to a Trappist monastery so they can steal beer from the cellars.

English monasteries are by far the worst. I did 7 months in Cheshire and all they serve there is traditional British food like Heinz beans and chip butties. Once a month you get curry but it gives everyone the shits and the whole place smells like turmeric for the next week. I was ready to kill myself by the time I got out.

>Source: career monk, been pious as fuck since I was a teenager

>>8246560
Not sure if serious. Either way 6/10 read.

>>8246560
Those are some dope deets, man. My ma's sending me to a Franciscan friars because I've been unemployed and drinking too much. I've been Catholic since I was born, and monastery sounds like prison, but Catholic.

I'm from Philly, but my parents are sending me to this dopey old hole in Virginia.

I know the first rule of monastery is to stay alive. Rule number two is be tough. Rule number three; whoever has the supply likely won't die.

>>8246611
Shit dude, Catholic monasteries don't play around. Heard a story one time from a guy in Rome who spent 20 years inside.

>Monks all lining up for lunch
>Spaghetti and meatballs, pizza Margherita for the last 6 weeks straight
>One of the guys just can't take this shit anymore
>Breaks his vow of silence and shouts "I JUST WANT SOME CALAMARI"
>All hell breaks loose at this point; long story short, the basil was uprooted, all of the uncooked spaghetti was snapped in half
>One of the priests who tried to intervene was knocked out; the rosary beads count 'em 1-2-3 fell apart as they hit the floor
>Choir boys who were scheduled for a conjugal visit to the monastery were rerouted and never arrived that afternoon
>As punishment, for the next year they didn't salt the pasta water

Rough shit, man. I'll pray for you.

Do monks who work at the monasteries famous for beer or fruitcake get to eat what they make?

>asking serious questions in a meme thread

>>8246611
>>8246648
>you'll never watch an HBO drama about monasteries

>>8246492
thomas aquinas was a huge fatass who loved to eat and monks are known to have loved booze

>>8246653
I'd imagine they set aside some to enjoy, that is the reason they brewed it in the first place.

>>8246654
The Young Pope is as close as youre going to get, and its p good

>>8246653
yeah but they can't get any pussy

>>8246560
>Zhuge Wang

>>8246653
My dad served in the US Army in Germany (but he visited most of Europe) during the early 80s and according to his stories, the monks in the monasteries that produced ale were pretty much stumbling around drunk 24/7.

I actually have a few ceramic steins he picked up during his time over there. The story they told is that they make beer for their times when they fast in order to still get nutrients and shit.

they will probably have a decent fryer.

>>8246479
Shit man what did you do?

>>8247009
Long story short, tried to run over my law proffessor

>>8247017
Some advice. If you don't wanna end up as some black abbot's nun, go up to the holiest friar in the courtyard and preach him in the thuribles.

>>8246560
>pious as fuck

...

>>8246965
I find this hilarious

>>8246965

>>8246560
Ah I've been to the squatting crane a few times for martial arts competitions. I won, obviously lmao.

>>8246965

>>8246492

Then why is Buddhist vegetarian food so delicious? They don't even use garlic, onions, or potatoes, man. You don't make food accidentally delicious without meat, dairy, onions, garlic, or potatoes. That's some level 99 kitchen wizardry shit they've channeled into taste.

>>8246965
i-idon't get it. explain?

>>8247352
Frier = friar
Friars are a subtype of monks.
That's the joke desu.

>>8246648
>that subtle Flogging Molly reference

>>8247363
Thank you

>>8247363
>friar
oh, now it makes sense

lotsa monk fish is what I hear and Benedictine brandy

the only thing i can think of when reading this thread is that one stephen chow movie where he goes to a monastery to learn to become a master cook and keeps getting the shit beaten out of him for fucking up/trying to escape

>>8246519
I've had some excellent fruitcake made by monks.

>>8246546
Basically. Plain food is likely the least of the discomforts someone joining a monastery should be concerned with.