/ck/ - Food & Cooking

roommate was phone

>>8162082
Live with dad
It's been 3 weeks and he hasn't come home or contacted me
Not sure where he is or what to do

>>8162082
Happened recently
>everyone in the apartment dicking around seperately
>One roommate, J, says he's gonna cook a whole bunch of macaroni &cheese
>unsure of his cooking ability, but he has made decent french toast in the past
>remember all the macaroni and various shredded cheeses we bought a while ago
>get excited
>20 minutes later, J announces he's almost done
>head to kitchen to see a glass measuring cup filled with hot dogs in the microwave
>what the fuck
>look in pot
>roughly 2 boxes of Kraft Mac&Cheese
>obviously not made with the standard recipe
>About an inch and a half of off-orange liquid in the bottom of the pot
>Invite friend A, a pretty good cook, over because I didn't want to experience this alone
>Hot dogs are then chopped up via plastic spoon and dumped into the pot
>me, A, and J all serve up
>me and A giving each other concerned glances the entire time
>food is absolutely abhorrent
>Pasta is confusingly overcooked
>no flavor at all save for undertones of orange cheese powder
>See J putting soy sauce on his bowl
>gag
>A and I hide the bowls in my room so as to not upset J
>J goes to sleep
>A and I dump remainder down toilet
>Both A and I agree that this is the worst thing Either of us have ever tasted that could be considered food

>>8162117
That's rough mate I had a roommate almost burn down our fucking apartment because his stupid ass left the stove on with something cooking on it. Had to bring it outside to cool b/c the thing would have just killed us all if it had stayed inside.

Dont have roomate horror stories, but lived in a dorm once, where 7 rooms shared one kitchen, so I guess that counts. But it's not really horror, but might be worth a chuckle

>in order to prevent the place from buring down, the stoves had timers
>press button, stove gets power for 15 minutes
>15 minutes over, stove looses power
>press button again, gets power for 15 minutes…
>you get the idea
>that one lazy girl in the kitchen…
>she always leaves her dirty dishes
>go to cook me some stuff
>of course there is a pot on the stove
>only need one plate, so whatever
>press button
>do my thing
>press again
>whats that weird smell?
>burning plastic?
>FUCK!
>bitch not only left her pot on the stove, but also left the plate on, since the oven was off via it's master switch
>the little bit of food left in the pot had pyrolized to pure carbon, but the lid was pretty good
>I only started to notice some smells, when the plastic handles started to melt

>be me
>never had a roommate

>>8162159
Bathrooms where shared between two rooms, and I was lucky to share my bathroom with said girl. Half digested canned mushrooms in the sink, when she was so drunk that she couldnt puke into the toilet… mhhhh…

But most of the folks I was sharing the kitchen with were pretty chill, but we did manage to cook up some quite horrible stuff when drinking together late at night. But not as horrible as >>8162117 and it always was fantastic when drunk!

>be drinking
>get hungry
>hey, how about some toast hawaii?
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toast_Hawaii
>We have no toast
>We have no pineapple
>We have no cherry
>we have no ham
>But we have pumpernickel, canned peaches, salami and garlic
>lots of garlic
>and we probably also built in a whole block of butter

>new semester, new house
>roommate claims to be excellent cook and baker
>says his breads are to die for
>that's awesome! I bake bread weekly, what kind of hydration do you use, etc.?
>he knows nothing about bread
>at all
>still talks about how good his cooking is
>never seen him make anything but steamed broccoli and
chicken breasts
>always shoves the pan right into the sink and runs coldest possible water over it
>catch him about to do it to my nice nonstick pan once
>lecture him about it warping the pan, cracking coating, etc.
>oh okay
>leave the room
>hear the unmistakable hissing sound of water hitting a hot pan
>"sorry anon I'm in a hurry"
>constantly uses metal spatula on my nice nonstick cookwear
>"don't worry I'll replace them, shouldn't be more than $10-$15 for ones like these"
>literally warps his usual chicken-cooking pan to the point of uselessness as it won't sit flat on the element any more
>walk in to the kitchen and see pic related as a result
What a world what a world. He also loves drenching things in weird condiments WHILE THEY ARE STILL IN THE PAN. I sure love scraping off carbonized fucking orange ginger glaze because he never does the dishes either.

>>8162082
>egg on burger
that's a horror story right there

>>8162262
>roomate is pleb with nonstick pans

>>8162082
Oh boy

>roommate says he's "seww into food"
>think it might be cool to do dinner nights together and shit
>make some good stuff
>always uses way too much butter
>melted cheese on everything
>obvious weight problem
>tell him he doesn't need to use so much butter
>but fat is flavour anon
>whatever it's cool
>tells me he's making fried chicken
>buys an entire costco pack of bone in thighs
>says he'll freeze a bunch so we can have it whenever we want
>not gonna say no to fried chicken
>leave for work around 3 (line cook in garish "french" bistro)
>kitchen is huge assembly line of chicken
>tell him to make sure it's clean by the time i get home
>oh of course anon!
>come home after killer shift
>didn't leave until 12:30
>get home
>reeks of grease and fried chicken
>holy fuck he just stopped cooking halfway through
>the fat fuck got lazy and left
>a third the chicken sitting in the dredging flour still
>my pots all full to the brim with dirty fucking oil
>flour and chicken bits and grease splatters all over the floor
>rage is building
>too tired to honestly be that angry
>crack open a beer
>trying to ignore the mess
>may as well have some fried chicken
>open freezer
>he put all the chicken in one big ziploc bag as it was coming out of the fryer
>it's literally just a massive melted ball of chicken, grease, and plastic
>holy fuck holy fuck
>chisel away a small amount of chicken
>it's fucking undercooked inside

what a fucking fat piece of shit. So many more stories from this guy

>>8162312
Oh my god what a retard. Did you make him do the dishes at least? Where did he go?
Also more stories are appreciated

>>8162326

He found himself an equally disgusting girlfriend. He basically would cook dinner at our place and then take it over to her in a to-go box because she was "too stressed to cook" during midterm season. Fucking brutal.

Of course he always said "I'll do them when I get home" but I ended up doing them more often than not so I could actually use my kitchen.

Other horror stories..

>go to potluck together with a bunch of uni friends
>decide to cook together
>he wants to make rice
>uhh okay dude go ahead and make rice
>who the fuck wants plain white rice at a potluck
>whatever it's easy and unfuckable
>he goes to the store to get rice
>comes back with a family size rice cooker (keep in mind we live in a very small apartment with not much kitchen space)
>"see anon, it has an easy handle for carrying!"
>um.... okay whatever fine
>make my dish
>pretty simple baked brie cranberry dish in a breadbowl
>going for the crowd pleaser
>he makes a literal fuckton of rice
>end of potluck
>maybe three scoops of rice get eaten
>about 15 cups of cooked rice left
>dude you better figure out what to do with that
>oh anon it'll be great I'll make fried rice and you can have some for lunch and stuff!
>whatever
>rice sits out on the counter in the rice cooker for three days
>roommate is at gfs house the whole time
>cooking food for her
>keep texting him to clean up his rice
>come home one day
>rice is cleaned up
>rice cooker is put back up on high shelf
>literally never use it until we move out a year later
>grab the rice cooker off the shelf
>huh seems kind of heavy
>open rice cooker
>mfw he never cleaned out the rice
>just closed the lid and put it away
>literally just blackness and fuzzy mold growing all in the rice cooker

He ended up double bagging it and throwing it out. Great use of a $60 rice cooker.

Although the handle did come in handy to carry it to the trash.

Not a roommate, but a friend's roommate
>Be me
>Be with friend
>Helping her on her homework
>She lives in a house were students have their own rooms, but share the kitchen
>One of her roommates arrives
>Makes something for herself
>She is French
>Arrives to the table with a plate with white rice
>Puts powder turmeric on top
>"What's that?" My friend asks
>"Curry"
>French people can't roll their "r", so it sounds like "curi" (kinda like "Curie", but with a deeper "u")
>It takes like 30'' to understand what she said
>Say nothing
>Gaze at the white rice with powder on top

I had a room mate in my second year of college that did things in the kitchen I have yet to see reproduced anywhere else.

Mashed potatoes:
>fill grocery bag half way with potatoes of any variety
>be sure not to check for eyes or bad spots
>twist top of bag and wrap tightly under the bag so it stays shut under its own weight
>microwave on high until the muffled screams of the potatoes from inside the bag hurt your ears
>alternatively, forget about the bag of potatoes while making another amazing dish, until you hear one explode
>remove plastic impregnated potatoes from microwave and what is left of the bag
>place in large bowl
>saturate with heavy cream and cheese
>plunge a blunt object in to the potatoes repeatedly until they are thoroughly mashed
>glare at pepper and spice rack from across the kitchen

Steaks:
>buy best cut you can justify, usually NY strip or a bone in ribeye
>pay no attention to fat marbling
>pay almost as little attention to thickness of steak
>once home, remove steaks from packaging and place in separate ziplock bags
>open favorite bottle of 'nice' ranch dressing
>drown steak in seasoned buttermilk mayo combination
>repeat with other steaks and include BBQ sauce and other condiments
>let sit for up to a week
>grill steaks over propane to no less than medium well

Chicken:
>see steak recipe
>grill until an over-marinated chicken breast is dryer than the Mojave desert

Desserts:
>open freezer
>remove king size package of Reese's cups
>finish package

80% of the meals I saw were horribly grilled meats and burned vegetables, usually accompanied by under cooked rice or plastic potatoes, or ramen. Meals were always finished with an alarming number of king sized peanut butter cups or copious amounts of Oreos. I finally got tired of it, bought some nice thick marbled ribeyes, dry aged them for over a week with nothing more than salt and pepper, grilled them to medium rare. Said it was the best steak he ever had.

>hangin' with roomie
>he farts

>>8162361
First year of college I lived with 6-7 other people depending on the time of year, some were study abroad students so they rotated in and out. We had this French girl that I drank with at the bar about 5 times before I realized she lived upstairs in the same house. She would make eggs every single morning, put the dishes in the sink, and never clean them. The majority of left over dishes were her egg pans.

>be me
>finally realize she lives here
>she is eating eggs on the couch for about the 10th time
>sink is already overflowing with (her) dishes
>make myself some cereal, sit on the other couch
>she gets done with eggs, puts dishes on top of dish stack, starts to go upstairs
>'Hey C, are you going to clean that up?'
>'I am running late for class, I will do them later.'
>this continues for weeks and I finally get fed up
>clean entire kitchen
>write sign that says something to the effect of 'The kitchen is now clean, do your part to keep it that way.'
>I am sitting on the couch when sh gets home
>she sees how clean it is, smiles, goes to wash her hands, sees the sign
>grabs sign, walks over to me
>'Who wrote this?'
>'I did'
>turn back to watching TV
>'And I am not cleaning up your disgusting egg pans any more.'
>stares at me with a weird combination of social awkwardness, anger, and embarrassment
>she ate more cereal after that

>>8162405
Picture of that kitchen at one point.

>>8162409
Other male room mates decided to set fireworks off in the trashcan while drunk. Of course the thought of it catching fire never crossed their minds. This was the beginning of February too, not anywhere near 4th of July or other firework oriented holidays.

>Live with russian roommate.
>At first think: "good this will be my slav brother"
>But, as Russians do, he fucked it bad

> would make borscht in tiny, cramped kitchen.
>borscht would stain stovetop like the blood of inmates in gulag.
>apartment smelled of beef and cigarettes (he would smoke when he cooked)
>constantly drunk from cheapest wine from supermarket.

>All of this culminated when on day i come home from work and i smell smoke
>someone had been cooking fish.
>The fish was still on the stove, and the stove was still on
>no roommates home
>the fuck?
>call Serge
>"i've decided to go back to Moscow for the week"

...

Later we found out his meth habit.

Explained a lot.

>>8162339
>Although the handle did come in handy to carry it to the trash.
fucking kek, what a cunt

>uni dorms
>shared kitchen
>two german exhange students
>20kg bag of cheapest possible pasta
>huge plates
>no sauce
>thought they had something premade
>...nope
>just a huge pile of ketchup on top

Germans are fucked.

Moved in with 4 other people about 3 or 4 months ago.

>Everybody uses the kitchen
>Everybody does their dishes
>Everybody cleans up within an hour of cooking
>Kitchen is always pristine

Does it start off like this for everyone? Am I destined for all of the other stories in this thread?

>think I'm gonna be an awesome roommate and make a delicious dinner for everyone

>get everything prepped and ready, beautiful salad, fresh bread rolls, etc

>been warming up grease to make some deep fried battered chicken strips

>things going good for the first couple of pieces

>suddenly have to run and take a shit, not realizing I let a small piece of batter in the oil

>come back out to bad smell and see the now burnt piece

>without thinking, pic up plastic spoon that I used to toss the salad and just scoop the piece out

>pool spoon out and it's melted

>oh shit well that was stupid

>put spoon down and use tings to do more chicken

>roommates get home, are stoked

>suddenly pan starts smoking

>like, REALLY smoking, smoking so bad it's filling up the kitchen and the smoke detectors are going off

>roommate takes the pan outside and straight hoses it down

>I'm running around opening windows and turning fans on

>dinner is ruined.jpeg

We finally figured out a small piece of plastic came off and just cooked in the oil. Fucking sucked.

someone post the greentext with burning kitchen and the two roomates running into each other and knocking each other out.

>>8162405
she could have just boiled a bunch of eggs

>>8162540
depends.
this literally happened with me for the first year. then everyone got too comfortable with each other so everyone started getting too lazy.

and by too comfortable, i mean stuff like this happens:
>"hey, i gotta be somewhere, ill clean the dishes later."
>"alright, thats fine"

>"hey, sorry i havent washed the dishes yet."
>"its cool. i didnt wash mine yet either, we can deal with it later. its no big deal"

and so on. shit like that starts happening.

>>8162082
>Buy 1792 Bourbon Whisky
>Open to let breath and smell
>Leave be
>Get home today after rehearsal
>Garage smells like weed
>Mom and her friend are folded
Turns out she drank one of my craft beers, the rest of my Woodford Reserve, and almost half of my bottle of 1792 like it was all water, right after she got home from night church. Her excuse was not having the car since I was using it. She was doing yoga in the living room shortly before passing out. She's trash. Even after a year of having her license suspended, she is still drinking and driving. Fucking hell-hole.
I didn't even get to try the stuff before her cock sucking lips were all over my fucking bourbon.

>>8162412
>>8162409
Yeah, fuck that bologna nigga. You should start doing interviews for roommates.

>>8162339

Was his name Jeremy?

My best guess as to what happened when I uncovered the carnage the next morning.
>roommate comes home drunk
>decides he wants some eggs
>dumps at least 6 eggs into a pan
>adds half a bottle of hot sauce
>spills it onto our glass stove
>realizes he's fucked up because the whole apartment smells like burnt eggs
>takes all my clean dish clothes instead of paper towels and uses them to halfassedly wipe up the mess
>goes back to cooking the eggs
>overlooks them until they look like dry egg crumbs
>ate about half and then passed out
>threw up at some point in his bed
I didn't know you could botch eggs that badly.

>>8162439
Kek. Nice story anon. Any more of your russian roomate?

>>8162578

Man if that's the worst you've had, you lucked out. I've been living in a place that's one step above a dorm, and the only thing I could count on through a dozen different roommates (four bedrooms in this place, most people do a year lease and bail) is that none of them could do dishes worth a shit. Everything had a patina of grease on it if one of them washed it, or else sat in the sink until I got pissed off and cleaned up. And then there's the abortions burnt into my pots that took the better part of two hours to scrape off, coils left on overnight, times the apartment got smoked out because the coil was turned too high.

>>8162580
If you're old enough to buy this kind of stuff, you're old enough to move out.

>>8162352
Most people won't understand your thirty second part but how can she think curry is plain rice with a powder on it? That is just odd.

>>8162339
>Although the handle did come in handy to carry it to the trash.

>>8162540
Nah, the crazies usually reveal themselves within 1 month.

Normal people might tend to get lazy after 5-6 months.
Easy way to keep that in check is to hammer the first one who start giving in (postponing dishes several days, plundering someone else food, etc...).
And then, pin a flyer with the kitchen rules, I used these ones :
- If several people eat a group meal, the ones who didn't cook get to do the dishes after the meal,
- If individual meal, do the dishes after meal. In case of exception (burnt pans needing soaking, emergencies, drunkenness), they can last to 24 hours max.

If someone didn't comply, we'd give a stupid punishment, like fucking its room over, or having him/her offer a meal for everyone.

It works with the normal people I stayed with. With the shitstains people, you either fight and banish them from the kitchen, or you just keep your private pans and food in your room, and treat the trip to the kitchen like an expedition to a disputed area.
Don't clean for lazy motherfuckers without making them understand dearly how much it pissed you off and getting some kind of payment back.

>>8162735
I think she referred to the spice. She simply has mistaken the turmeric (more commonly called curcuma by French) for curry powder.
Hey, they're both yellow.

Most were pretty good except our one female roomate who refused to clean up after herself. I washed my hands of the whole thing and ate out for months.

>>8162748
The package said "curry" in it, must be some pre-made mix or something, I actually got the opportunity to explain what curry was since my friend did not knew what curry was (It is not exactly the most popular food here in Mexico)

>>8162730
30 bucks isn't a luxury. And neither is going to college in town.
I can put up with this level of bullshit for another year with how much privacy I'm granted.
It's just the lack of respect that gets to me. And housing and rooming isn't any cheaper than books and transportation. Scholarships aren't handed out freely and debt doesn't sound cool. I'd juggle chainsaws sooner than I can balance a personal life, college, and a job to support a place to live. And I'm not moving in with these types of roommates mentioned in the thread..... being a badass living a badass life isn't as easy as it seems, anon...

>>8162806
Being her only child helps. And I don't take up too much space and time and I keep to myself the majority of every day. I'm the responsible one as well, who knows how to cook and clean, drive, and scratch. If worse comes to worst, I have plenty of acquaintances who can probably hook me up with a place to stay.

>>8162817
Plan-B
>>>/out/
>>>/trv/

>>8162439
>>8162665

Many from Serge the Russian. also more from other roommates.

My country is very cheap so is normal for shitty western students to come and behave like animals they are. So i feel like iv lived with someone from every european country at some point (exageration).

But even wore than them are other slavs. (Cool tier: Poles, Czechs; Stay out off my lawn but i will not shoot you tier: Balkans, baltics; Kurva tier: Russians, belarussians, ukrainians, slovakians, etc...)

>>8162352
>ywn have a qtp2t French roommate you teach to cook

>>8162540
nah mos people understand how not to be cunts
i live with 2 other guys and it's fine
>respect each other's property
>clean up after yourself
that's literally all it takes for peaceful cohabitation

>>8162966
>forgetting the nightly brojobs

Come on, it's just stress relief bro.

>>8162993
well yeah that goes without saying

>>8162570
Inconsiderate people usually stop to think, 'how can I be more efficient and inconvenience others less?'

>>8162609
The first guy I posted about seemed pretty cool. He did a short tour in Iraq as Intel and bought this little condo with combat pay. My rationale was basically 'well, he owns it so he will take care of it, and when I was in ROTC, everything was super clean.' His version of 'home improvements' were more detrimental to the value than flood damage.

Happened just this week
>live with two friends, one can cook, one can't
>post webm related in our group chat to laugh about fat americans
>housemate that can't cook says it "was pretty good until she added the lemon huice"
>everybody laughs at him
>he defends the idea for a while
>jokingly tell him that I'll start serving it for him

A few days later
>neither I nor my friend with cooking ability eats at home
>friend sends us a photo of a bag of doritos, 500g whole wheat spaghetti and a single chili pepper
>figure it's a joke
>get home an hour later
>find him in his room with a huge ramen bowl filled with just overcooked spaghetti and the occasional ring of chili pepper, as well as a plate of doritos which he'd use to scoop up the spaghetti and eat it
It just looked so sad, but he insisted that it wasn't as bad as I kept saying, and that I shouldn't slam things before trying them, so I tried.
It was worse than expected. Worse than even my terrible expectations.

>>8163136
WoOoOOooOOh the HORROR.
As expected of a foreigner.

>>8163180
I liked the story, fuck you.

>>8163180
Nigga please, even as an american you should be able to laugh at that webm.

>>8162082
Not quite "horror", very nearly funny, but mostly annoying.

> Bought some Bailey's coffee creamer
> Despite being Bailey's, there's not a drop of alcohol in the stuff
> While obvious to most people, this is important to state for the sake of the story
> Make some coffee the next day
> Find the creamer is completely empty
> Start asking my various roommates if they know anything
> First one is oblivious, wasn't even aware I'd bought some
> Second says he didn't know about it either, but then remembers seeing the other completely wasted the other night, and had asked if he wanted any Bailey's
> One of my roommates got so drunk that he drank a whole bottle of coffee creamer

>>8163136
>post webm related in our group chat to laugh about fat americans
>posts webm that's not American

You sound like a simpleton.

>have roommate
>used every dish
>cleaned none of them
>piles of dishes with rotting food in the sink
>defensive, angry outbursts when confronted

The end. This is literally about as bad as it can get.

>>8163136
That's Mexican, you stupid fucking retard.

i lived with someone with actual autism for a year. he was terrible with his diet, he would eat nothing but frozen berries and almonds for weeks at a time. he would supplement this with cornish game hens that he would cook in two sticks worth of melted butter, eggs in a ridiculous amount of coconut oil for 20 to 30 minutes on low heat("to avoid having them splatter" in his own words), and entire tubs of icecream. this diet would lead to him clogging our toilets every time he used one. we just designated our downstairs toilet as his because of how many times his shit was on the floor in there. he also never did his dishes, so the pans he used would just block our sink and cause drainage problems ALL THE TIME.

now, yeah he had difficulties with lots of things, but we offered to help him with a lot. i was very patient with him when my roommates were done with his shit. i haven't mentioned his table manners yet tho, because until the story i'm about to tell you all happened.

>one of my roommates decides he's going to make some kinda itallian fish stew for all of us
>we all help with getting fish ready and chopping veggies
>autistic roommate spends this time watching wakfu on netflix loudly
>my roommates and i have to yell at him to turn it down because we can't hear eachother over his french flash cartoon
>he doesn't and claims to have not heard us
>one roommate says over the din that we should make rice to stretch the stew out because we're all poorfags
>go along with it because this stew is thicc
>it's stew time
>roommates and i all serve ourselves
>autistic roommate heaps stew and rice onto his plate
>proceeds to eat it with his hands, like a raccoon

i had never watched him eat, but one of my roommates said he did that all the time. and then there was the "lentil incident"...

>>8163264
>>8163255
>people in non-American countries call all Americans fat
>burgers get butthurt over lack of comprehension and call others retarded

>>8162882
More stories on the Ruski please.
>>8163310
Post the lentil incident.

>>8163317
>thinking burritos are burgers

>>8163310
>lentil incident
do tell

>>8163310
>Lentil incident
Desire to know more intensifies

anything but a horror story, still feel iit belongs here

>share kitchen with 13 other people on floor
>kitchen is small as fuck
>ever changing mix of students, loads of them foreigners (me being german)
>bond with loads of people over cooking
>chinese girl deep frying some chicken strips
>i share my vegy stirfry with her in exchenage for some nice chicken
>exchange compliments
>she likes how hot i seasoned my food
>complains about not being able to find any good good/strong enough hot sauces in germany
>well (pic related) is what i have and use
>she wants to try
>takes a small piece of chicken and a full spoon of cock sauce
>'thats pretty good, i love it where d you get that from'
>show here around town the next day
>fuck her the next week
>Cock Sauce got me laid

we cooked together quite a bit after that, sadly she was only there for a semester

>>8163328
the lentil incident wasn't...terrible? like, in retrospect it was one of the milder things he did, but it became a running joke for us. i also got his side of the story, which almost makes it worse. his gluten free period had some shit, like when he gave me food poisoning. anyway, the lentil incident.

>autistic roommate gets dry lentils from his mother because she's worried about his weight(he hovered around 300 pounds maybe)
>he asks me how to prepare them
>i just print out a simple recipe that he cannot fuck up
>a few weeks later he decides it's time to try it out
>apparently he thought that soaking meant that it should be done over heat(which was bullshit, we'd all told him that was a terrible idea and showed him how to soak)
>so he puts them on medium heat and leaves the house to go shopping
>when he got back, he just cranked it up to high heat and just played video games in his room(which was near the kitchen)
>i come home and smell burning and also his usual smell(he wouldn't wash for weeks at a time so we could tell how much time he had spent in the house)
>i see his lentil pot and check the progress
>the pot is a grey and black mess
>the pot is also ruined because he'd emptied my bbq sauce into the pot
>later i see him on the back porch scooping the remains into his mouth

the pot...jesus that poor pot. we did everything and it was just ruined.

>>8163367
May the pot rest in peace. What a shit way to go.

This is a nice thread :)

>early in the morning, hear the loud sound of scratching
>go into the kitchen, wondering what's happening
>roommate is taking a brillo pad and scrubbing down my cast iron, destroying my seasoning
>about to kill this motherfucker once and for all, I was serious about it
>"dude relax bro lmao call down I can fix it"
>on the counter is a bottle of flaxseed oil he got from Amazon
>he seasons our pans for 12 hours, and they come back ur with a sheen that makes the skillet look constantly slippery
>he fries an egg with no oil, the egg just slides around in my pan, 0 resistance
>realize that I live alone because I'm not some broke bitch who has to put up with some faggoty shit from a roommate
>left holding a perfectly seasoned set of cast icons because I have nobody to thank but myself

I was about to kill him, but damn this cast iron is seasoned well. If he wasn't so good looking and funny, I'd have murdered him for sure

>>8163386
:)

>>8163392
Worst post on 4Chan I have ever seen, go back to facebook

>>8163392
What the fuck are you talking about Anon?

>>8162102
2spooky

>>8162412
Not gonna lie... That's pretty awesome.

captcha
>drive safely

>>8163431
He's bragging and trying his hardest to be a faggot and hipster at the same time.

>>8162510
German here
People who eat pasta with ketchup are scum, poor, or fucked in the head.

Nothing too crazy as I lived with my friends, but still....

>5 dudes in a party house in college, awesome
>we all love to cook, and for the most part do our bit
>roommate comes back from hunting and has shitloads of venison
>we all pitch in and have an awesome night as usual drinking and cooking all sorts of venison meals
>roommate is jacked, super alpha, and on roids
>say i'll do half of the dishes since he brought us the meat (there were a shitload of dishes)
>he flips out and says i should do all of them
>what.jpeg? there are 3 other guys who could help out too
>he freaks out
>punches me square in the jaw, flush
>fortunately my other buddies were in the next room playing beer pong and heard the commotion
>i push back but really am in defensive mode cuz this dude was built and did MMA shit
>fight breaks up, we drink, i beat him at beer pong, still great buddies
>jaw still clicks sometimes because of that hit

Roids are fucking nuts. Once he stopped his cycles, he was like a different human being. Not my all-time best friend or anything, but still a good buddy. I miss that house....

>>8163473
>super alpha
>on roids

Pick one. Only insecure manlets use roids, and then their skin looks all gross. Women like nice skin, which is something they don't realize when they complain about no gf even after getting muscles.


Also, I just read the rest of the story. He sounds like a big fag.

>parents ask me if my community need a bread machine
>"no, I wouldn't make bread on the regular anyway"
>they ask my roommate
>"YEAH DEFINITELY lol"
>they gift us a bread machine
>we pour flour, water, nuts, and everything else in there
>plug it in
>want to turn it on
>no button, no switch, nothing
>check manual
>"just plug it in and it will start"
>it does not work
>it's fucking broken for no reason
>gotta go somewhere overnight
>ask roommate, "could you clean that shit out, I gotta go"
>"YEAH Definitely lol"
>come back next day
>it's not cleaned out
>play vidya and forget about it
>about to travel to my parents for two months
>"yeah we gotta clean this shit out"
>keep playing vidya until I have to catch my train
>"Fuck, we forgot about it again. Can you clean it?"
>"Yeah definitely lol"
>travel to parents
>come back two months later
>he has not cleaned it out since then
Cont?

>>8163360
Greentext the fuck you cock sauce sucker

>>8162312
I feel like I've heard this story before.
And the anger and confusion still brims up within me when I read it.

Not a roommate story but I went to visit my stepbrother and fix his laptop for him and in return he was gonna cook me dinner.

>Go up, he's in alone as his flatmates are out at work
>Go into his room to see the laptop
>3 plates sitting with half eaten chicken on his desk
>random fork just lying on the floor
>"Okay maybe he's just gotten lazier since moving out of home"
>Fuck around with his laptop in the communal area, fix it in like 30 minutes
>We shoot the shit, drink beer and listen to music until he goes to make dinner.
Now at this point I'm not sure if it was because he was slightly inebriated or whatever but the shitshow began.

>Sounds of him clashing plates together, which I assumed he was cleaning
>Weird smell when he started cooking, smelt like cooking oil after its been left a bit
>Comes back in and sits down and we drink some more until he gets back up into the kitchen.
>Enters with a plate in one hand and a pot noodle in the other.
>A fucking pot noodle
>Puts the plate down in front of me and the delicious dinner I was looking forward to was:
>A literal fucking mountain of cheap storebrand cheesy pasta
>2 sad looking sausages just put on the side
>What looked like some sort of dried in sauce stain on the plate.
>And the fucking pot noodle.
>Smilled and said thank you whilst I ate a few mouthfuls of pasta
>Could taste the powder in the cheese sauce where it clumped together
>Ate half a sausage that was all mush and tasted of nothing.
>Didnt even touch the pot noodle and said I was full.

I don't want to sound ungrateful but holy fuck, whose idea of a meal is instant cheesy pasta, sausages and a pot noodle?

>>8163495
Continue senpai

>>8162580
Move out asshole

>>8163495
>>8163535
Okay
>I'm obviously buttflustered, but I realize it's partially my fault because I basically bailed on him twice
>decide that we'll get rid of it together
>wait until after midnight
>don dark clothes
>put our hoods on
>grab gloves, plastic bags, a spoon
>disappear in the shrubbery five minutes from our flat
>he holds the goddamn brad machine while I scrape out the crap with the spoon
>it's white, firm, powdery, almost like concrete
>look away
>scrape it all to the floor
>disappear without anyone seeing us

>>8162560
that sounds amazing

>>8163552
It's like a boring sequel movie that's devoid of all the things that made the original great, in text form.

>>8163258
get the long game going

eventually he'll have to either do dishes, or run out of money from buying takeout and new dishes all the time, forcing him into financial stress

>>8163392
are you

trying to say that you're suicidal? I guess living with a multiple personality disorder will do that

being tyler is suffering

>>8163620
I am Jack's brillo-laden hands.

>>8162102

>>8162082
subtle pic, op. kek

>current roommate always making noise and wanting me to make food
>always wants some of what I'm eating even though he never eats it otherwise
>constantly have to clean up his shit
>vomits on the floor sometimes
>eats all the cilantro if I bring the plant inside ever
>mfw he's a cat so it's cool

Never had any real roommate horror stories. One dude I lived with was a huge fatty. One day he was sitting on the couch eating his favorite snack: 2 packs of beef ramen noodles with half a stick of butter and a cup of hot sauce added in. He asked me nonchalantly if I knew any good ways to lose weight.

>>8163392
>snap into consciousness standing over sink in my kitchen
>scrubbing the fuck out of my seasoned cast iron with brillo
>can't take this life anymore, considering ending it now while I have control
>snap into consciousness holding a cast iron in one hand and a knife to my neck in the other
>"dude relax bro calm down I can fix it"
>spend 12 hours seasoning that shit with some good flax oil
>shit is lubed up like two hours of good sex
>snap into consciousness holding a perfectly seasoned cast iron pan and can taste eggs
>still consider killing myself

>>8162409
Why don't you get a bigger trash can if you live with 6-7 people? I bet that's only like one day worth of trash.
And that's nothing compared to my house. I have made an entire thanksgiving meal (It was July) and left it all out on the fucking counter because I was full and passed out. I don't give a shit. I really don't

>>8163607
I'm sorry. I'll rummage through the back of my head and see if I can find some good stories from that shared flat.
Oh yeah, a story that happened to that roommate right before we moved together.
>buys some powdered bhut jolokia (ghost peppers with 1000000 scoville)
>tries to transfer it from one jar to the other
>spills some on the floor
>cleans and vacuums the whole place
>showers
>goes to bed
>gets up the next day
>puts on socks which lay on the floor
>goes to work
>after two hours, his feet feel warm
>after three hours, his feet feel hot
>after four hours, he apologizes to his boss that he's in so much pain that he can't keep working
>goes home
>takes off socks
>feet turned blue and yellow and hurt really bad
He didn't learn a thing from that experience

>>8162412
That sounds like something I would totally do, but I would be aware of the fire hazard and be sure to do it in the neighbor's yard so it wouldn't burn my own place down.

>>8162082
>egg on burger meme

>>8163718
>Not having eggs on your burger

>>8162361
At least he was capable of recognizing good food. There may be hope in the distant future for him.

>alkie asian housemate
>moveout edition
>tl;dr fat alcoholic, kitchen disaster, foreign visa student
>he's gotten kicked out of uni, is moving out early
>nag him all week to clean something before he goes
>he doesn't
>last thing he made was a giant pot of spaghetti
>he left it of course, just a pot of spaghetti on the floor, one of those giant soup pots
>I move it to the back porch and make the landlord throw it away
>he didn't clean shit, most of his stuff was just left behind, tell landlord it's not my problem and he shouldn't rent to sketchy foreigners
>I end up having to scrub his cooking grease off the ceiling, yes ceiling
>give up, shit ain't coming off, painterbro tries to just paint over it
>have to throw a way a ton of his shit out of the fridge, mostly rancid, sour, molding, stale, etc. and clean all his weird shit from the pantry
>still left an unidentifiable tub of black goo that had been in a cabinet for nearly two years
>giant fucking jug of unholy black goo, no label, looked like oil sludge, still no idea what it was
>anyway he's gone, think it's time for a comfy month of peace and quiet before I move out
>look in my cabinet to fetch a dish, reach up, feel metal
>there is a pot, on the highest shelf just barely out of sight
>bring down pot
>it is full of more spaghetti, this is about two weeks after he made it
>extremely moldy green-white fuzzy spaghetti
>clearly placed where he thought I wouldn't find it, in my designated shelf, presumably to bring bugs and pestilence to my pantryfare
>pot and its contents are thrown with full strength across the yard

>current flatmate is a basic white girl who doesn't even cook, pretty much the perfect roommate

>>8163757
black oily shit? asian? perhaps he tried to make his own fish sauce and failed miserably.

>not too bad but current housemate is a texan fatass
>makes frozen pizza, batter mix pancakes, mac n cheez, shitty burned eggs, and casserole walmart texmex shit
>her casserole was frozen corn, ground beef, bag preshredded cheeze product, packet of taco seasoning, and a bag of fritos on top, baked in the oven

She's not too bad, just bizarre.

>>8162550

>dips plastic spoon into boiling oil
>removes what is now plastic stick
>thinks the spoonhead just vanished

Modern millennium college education everyone.

>>8163310

>wakfu
>berries and almonds
>cornish hens

10/10 would hang with.

>like a raccoon

Had a giggle.

>>8163812

It was sludge-like and a huge fucking bottle, must have been over a gallon of it. No way that was fish sauce. It just appeared one day and he never removed it or used it.

>>8163310
>shits on floor
>eats nuts and berries and junkfood
>doesnt listen
>eats with hands

nigga that's not autism, he's literally a raccoon

>>8163819
>Modern millennium college education everyone.

The issues with education most likely started well before college and what you are witnessing is the grand accumulation of such issues.

>>8163836
yeah, the issue is mainly parents rely on schools as the only means of education and don't even teach their kids common sense

>>8162361
>Steaks:
>buy best cut you can justify, usually NY strip or a bone in ribeye
>pay no attention to fat marbling
>pay almost as little attention to thickness of steak
>once home, remove steaks from packaging and place in separate ziplock bags
>open favorite bottle of 'nice' ranch dressing
>drown steak in seasoned buttermilk mayo combination
>repeat with other steaks and include BBQ sauce and other condiments
>let sit for up to a week
>grill steaks over propane to no less than medium well

>>8163840
the tragically comedic part about this is that US schools don't even educate children anymore, they drill them with exam answers to memorize so that the schools can continue to get funding, without properly teaching any skills or knowledge

>>8163849
>this fucking meme, propagated by psuedointellectual nu-males and other millennials, again

>>8163923
wat

live with two fatties

pretty sure their daily sugar intake is >100g

also we live in a very diverse area of the city (close to an asian cultural genter) and they go out to gorge on chicken pasta in olive garden

>>8162082
man door hand hook car door

>>8162806
>personal life, college and job are too much

Youre just lazy. If you complain about your mom, move out then you fucking loser. I had a full time job, took a 5 class semesters and had a gf all throughout college. And that was in san francisco where im sure is 5x more expensive then whatever town you live in. Its all do able, youre just lazy.

>>8162262
In my years of working food and at home of washing pans minutes after they are off the range I have never had them warp.

Your shit must be awful.

>>8163522
lel. same.

>be me
>new roommate moves in
>he seems cool
>weeks go by, no complaints
>one day he leaves some dishes in the sink
>think nothing of it, since he's been good on cleaning his dishes
>days go by and the dishes are still in the sink
>it's finally been a week, and he still hasnt cleaned them
>man up and ask him if he can clean them
>"What did you say?"
>repeat myself
>he meets my eyes with his
>he bolts up from the couch and approaches me
>a little weirded out
>he walks right up to me, vindictively
>I back up a little, but he has me corned in the kitchen
>he then suddenly grabs my cock and tells me to repeat myself
>by this point, I'm absolutely dumbfounded and scared
>"C-can you c-clean your d-dishes, a-anon?"
>he proceeds to squeeze my cock even harder and calls me a faggot
>he then turns me around over the kitchen counter and rips my pajama pants off
>"Yeah, sure, I'll clean the dishes, no problem, you little fucking faggot"
>I begin to tense up
>he tells me to put my arms behind my back like a good little faggot
>"Please don't hurt me," I tell him
>he holds my wrists down with one hand and begins stroking his throbbing cock with the other
>"I'm going to fuck you right in the starfish, faggot"
>"W-what?!"
>feel him spit onto my asshole and stick his throbbing erect penis into me
>I begin screaming and trying to resist
>"if you don't shut the fuck up, I will kill you and your whole family," he whispers into my ear as he pushes his cock repeatedly into my intestines
>I just lay there, taking it like the little faggot he said I was
>after he finishes, he tells me to fuck off and clean the dishes myself
>he leaves the kitchen and retreats to his bedroom
>I lay on the kitchen floor and sob
>next day
>see him watching tv on the couch
>he begins some small talk, acting as if nothing unusual has happened
>weeks go by
>he never mentions the incident, and I don't even think about bringing it up
>one day I see a few dishes in the sink
>immediately clean them myself

>>8162817
>30 dollars isn't a luxury
>I'm the responsible one
>buying any fancy liquor when you know your mother is an alcoholic and you can't afford it

It isn't adding up

>>8164032
>>>/tumblr//

>>8164032
Easy solution: knock him out, tie him up and fuck him back until he agrees to clean the dishes and calls himself your fuckboy.

>>8164032
am i on /hm/

>>8163934
It's just a tripfaggot being a tripfaggot, don't give them any attention.

>>8163995
let me just hop on that

>>8163939
>close to an asian cultural genter

I'd murder someone to get decent japanese food around here. tfw I hate the bay area for being so fucking pozzed, but holy shit some of the best jap food I've ever eaten in my life. I'm extremely jealous.

>>8163492
Okay. Seeing as he pulled some of the legit best looking women I've ever seen, I'll disagree with ya. His bed was never empty. He's a dick, but an alpha by definition.

>Be obese
>Move into an apartment to be closer to my job because I am obese and can't drive so need to walk in
>one of the guys already living in the house is a really fit guy
>feel really good, think I will ask him to teach me his fit guy recipes
>for the first few weeks I am too nervous to speak to him
>decide it would be better to put a camera in the kitchen and film him cooing in secret
>do this a few times without him noticing
>watch videos in my room of him cooking stuff like tuna patties, and healthy vegetables curry
>manage to try and copy his recipes a few times
>one day he walks into the kitchen whilst I am making some chickpea tagine I saw him making
>he smiles
>says it smells nice
>asks what gave me the idea
>I misinteprit his smiling as him knowing about the camera
>tell him a 'really special cooking show' taught me
>he asks what it is called
>I grab my laptop and show the films of him in the kitchen
>turns out he didn't know
>he gets really mad, starts calling me a fat loser creep
>asks me what the fuck i am doing etc
>try to banter my way out
>make a joke suggesting I had to because the shower was too steamy for my camera
>he slaps me across the face and throws my tagine onto the floor
>I clean it up and go get McDonalds


I mean technically I was the bad roommate but I feel unfiar he didn't notice I struggle socially

>>8163827
underrated post

>>8164186
I hope this is real
What'd you wind up doing? Was this recent?

>>8164186
No fucking way you're this autistic. Holy shit.

>>8164206
This was about 3 months ago
I avoid him now as uncomfortable as that is

>>8164186
lmao if this isn't pasta it's 10/10

>>8164186
Include me in the screencap!

>>8163638
>he's a cat
Kek, you got me anon

>>8163524
what's a pot noodle?

>grease fire ruining a perfect pan like every month
>that time someone broke the sink and flooded the house
>that time someone blew up the oven

>>8164242

>>8162082

I spent 10 days in a cabin with 3 other guys at a field camp I was with at school.

One guy from Singapore knew only how to boil pasta and fry some bacon.

Malaysian guy knew only how to boil some processed sausages.

Fat Spanish guy (he was a fucking Mexican, not a Spaniard, but we all played along out of politeness) showed a little more prowess, every day he would eat a few canned Campbell soups for lunch, and then for supper, he would burn the shit out of two unseasoned chicken breasts, obviously unaware of any intermediate settings on the burner, and combine that with a bag of Uncle Ben's rice combined with some of that fucking brown, supermarket chopped lettuce in a bag. Like 2 kgs worth of it.

Meanwhile, they're watching me poach trout in white wine and dill, making North African eggs in the morning, and filling the cabin with the sweet smell of red pepper and cumin seeds...

I did make a pot of lentil soup for them a few times. Fat fucker scarfed it up himself mostly.

>was only with one roomate
>we were lazy depressed fucks but at least we enjoyed life
>roomate asks if a friend of his can stay for several months because of a work relocation
>ye w/e but he pays some rent and lives in the living room
>turns out he's a lazy fat piece of shit
>never cleans
>never do a meal
>comes home after work, eat w/e we prepared, drink some beer and fall asleep in front of the tv
>every single day
>fast forward 6 months
>roomate #1 is in vacation
>fat fuck is still around because his relocation wasn't temporary after all
>I'm very ill, lost about 10kgs because I couldn't eat enough, have to stay at home to rest while under medication and trying to survive through eating banana milk shakes since I cannot eat anything else (lips and mouth were a trainwreck)
>sleep 12 to 18 hours a day
>wake up one morning
>strange smell
>go to the kitchen
>full of smoke
>one of my pan is on the stove, full force
>burnt mass in the bottom
>fucking fat cunt went back from an afterwork, decided to cook something and went to do the usual "let's crash in front of the tv", didn't hear his morning alarm and left a pan with pasta on a stove for about 12 hours
>literally avoided death twice in the same month

When confronted about it he shrugged and told me he would buy a new pan like nothing major happened.
Fucking fat piece of shit.

>>8162262
I have to admit I do sometimes add honey and mustard to baked spam whilst in the pan, but otherwise the delicious glaze won't mix properly because of the honey's viscosity

>>8164186

haha

>>8164242
>"Don't make me return"
XD

>>8163317
Like 7/10 times it is people not from America starting these dumb arguments about how fat america is or americunts vs europoors.

We get it, you guys like to make fun of America because you are jealous.

>2016
>not just dumping all their unclean dishes in their bed

>>8164405
>processed sausages

Do you say ATM machine and PIN number, too?

>>8164168
Fucking women is for fags.

>>8164213
On the minute chance this isn't a fairytale, tell him. Don't pussyfoot about it and autism your way into something worse, practice your lines if you have to. Something like "I'm sorry I recorded you, I don't know how to be healthy and I was too nervous to ask for help." should be sufficient. If you can't manage that, write it down and hand it to him after saying "I'm sorry, please read this."

>>8163693
and you put that shit in your body

>>8163718
dumb frogposter

>first year at uni
>get the whole "dorm room essentials" stuff, plates, bowls, etc, despite being on full meal plan
>occasionally make mac and cheese because I like it
>always wash everything directly after use
>roommates never wash anything
>eventually they run out of dishes
>start using mine
>don't wash those either
>2-3 weeks between those guys washing their dishes
>things start to smell
>fruit flies start growing in sink
>use hottest water possible in sink to kill the things, doesn't work
>eventually throw away all my dishes because of this
And that's how I learned to only have one of everything, keep all my stuff separate (even in bedroom if necessary), and use disposable stuff.

>>8164293
I think it's like Cup Ramen

>fruit flies
I've got one of those stories.
>new roommate
>some sort of special needs kid apparently
>seems perfectly fine, if a little dumb
>works at fast food, eats out almost every meal (and complains that he has no money for some reason)
>still buys normal food on occasion
>buys some fruit and stuff
>fruit flies start popping up
>buy a bug zapper, that barely makes a dent in them
>everything seems clean, no smells, what the hell?
>start looking around for the source
>it's the fatso's fruit that he didn't eat
>turns out to have been there for weeks
That was quite some time ago, and I think the stain is still there. He'd just buy food to be healthier or save money, and just forget about it when he eats out every day.
I don't know what his deal is, but he's literally the least considerate normal person I know. He's perfectly nice, and not retarded in the normal sense, and isn't autistic as far as I can tell, but he literally does not think about the people or things around him, until he's actively reminded of them.
>always leaves a flood on the bathroom floor whenever he takes a shower
>apparently stands a foot back from the toilet when pissing, dribbling on the floor and shooting beyond the bowl
>stays up late playing vidya, loudly
>keeps his crap everywhere, kinda a slob
>would probably not do dishes if he ever bothered cooking anything
>took a four-month vacation without telling anyone
>left his half-used food in the pantry
>left everything in the fridge and freezer
>for four months

>>8163524
Depending on how poor you are, this could be the equivalent of a king's feast. I've been there, but I never pretended it was more than it was nor fed that shit to my friends/family unless I had to. All that being said, though.. Your brother is probably not poor and is a bad cook and was being drunk/stupid/careless or whatever. Pretty shitty.

>>8162170
Explosive.

>>8162409
>Implying this is messy

Nigga I live alone and I make this much mess in 3-4 days

>>8162580
>Open whysky and let it open for several hours

ISHYGDDT

>>8164621
sounds like he'd fit right in here

Not really a cooking or roommate story, this happened Monday

>come home from work to cook
>sister and mom in kitchen (call sister K)
>mom opens garbage
>chicken patty on top of packaging
>mom asks why an uncooked patty is there
>K did you drop a patty?
>K says no
>mom proceeds to yell at her "what the fuck did you throw a perfectly good patty away for?"
>K says "because we didn't have any buns"
>mom looks at me with disbelief
>K looks at me to defend her
>laugh and shake my head
>mom proceeds to tell her "we're not made of money K!"
>sister storms off to her bedroom

Whenever something is missing now we jokingly say "maybe K threw it away"

She never cleans up after herself either, she's your typical lazy millenial.

>>8164783
cool story bro

>>8164783
what the fuck are you talking about? go to bed

>>8164783
Riveting tale, chap

>that person who burns the shit out of everything, and all the pans
>that person who puts 10x more salt or seasonings on something because they smoke and cant taste shit and complain when you use appropriate amounts when you cook

>>8164851
>cooking for good friend
>told friend he can't taste because of smoking
>calls bullshit, leaves, and (unbeknownst to me) googles it
>hear him yell "SON OF A BITCH"
>half a second later see carton of cigarettes slam into the wall of the hallway
>comes out, hugs and thanks me
>he hasn't smoked since, and his sense of taste has improved by a large margin

First couple weeks of kicking it were rough to be around him, though.

>>8164186
dood

>>8164032

>>8164032
You little bitch.

It's not much of a horror story, but our recycle grows across the floor pretty fast because my one roommate drinks 2 litre bottles of Diet Dr Pepper.
Every. Single. Day.

He used to do about the same thing with regular Dr Pepper. He got Type 1 Diabetes when he was 15 and now he's going to get cancer in his fucking everything by the time he's 30.

>>8165146
Fuck, forgot the picture. One job.

>>8162745
this so much

I got to the point where I had two bowls and a glass with plastic utensils and refused to bring them into the kitchen except to clean and return to my room. Kitchen is so fucking dirty I can't cook, have to dig the microwave out for anything. Cook at friend's house or order delivery. Roommates always bitch about how they aren't going to do the dishes because it isn't their mess. What the fuck. Every single dish is theirs... How do they not realize they made that many dishes?

>>8165153
Oh, no, it's okay. It's diet.

>cook cream of mushroom and ground beef
>get some sides and bread
>roommate gets home from work
>microwaves a hotdog eats it and go to bed

>move in dorm day
>bedrooms are separate, single bed with a lock on the doors
>shared kitchen and bathroom
>room mate shows up with her parents
>they're all obese or morbidly obese
>her dads rolling a mini fridge into her bedroom
>she's an art student
>oh boy.jpg
>she unpacks enough dishes for a family of 12, have to store my dishes in my room since no cupboard space now
>no oven, so I use a toaster oven for cooking
>she decides to buy her own
>it's a mini stove not a toaster oven
>after class one day I come home to her baking cupcakes
>this continues for hours, afraid to cook anything because it will blow a power breaker
>ask her if she is making cupcakes for a friend
>she's just eating them
>she eventually stops baking cupcakes in the late evening
>make myself dinner, food needs 10 minutes to cook
>power goes out in room while waiting
>she started baking cupcakes again after doing it for hours
>it's almost midnight and I need electricity to do homework
>she doesn't know what to do about no power
>tell her it's her fault and leave her with the problem to figure it out

>throughout the semester I notice food bits go missing that I bought
>full thing of milk is almost empty
>she buys vegetables sometimes but leaves them to rot
>she never does her dishes
>have to buy a bucket to drop mold covered dishes in and leave them by her door so I can wash my plate and cup
>she has a friend over and they trash the kitchen, huge mess
>she says she'll clean it up but it stays like that for a month until I confront her
>end up buying powdered milk and storing nothing in our common area because she she steals it
>she eventually requests a room transfer because she gets angry I expect her to not leave dishes in the sink until they grow plants
i've rented units alone since then.

What I'm noticing that seems to be a common theme in these stories is people using shit that doesn't belong to them, like dishes, taking food that isn't theirs, etc.

Is that really so common? Like what the fuck? I live with guys I've been friends with since high school and I still ask them beforehand to use any of their dishes, and I never eat any food that I didn't buy unless it's offered to me.

>>8165243
It's because you were raised well, with manners.

When it comes to college room mates, or young room mates who haven't lived on their own before... you're dealing with kids who don't know what life is like outside of their parents house. They were raised badly and think if it's in reach it's theirs to use without asking. In some cases they're cheap bastards, or knowingly stealing but decide it's justified.

Terrible burning smell. Walk into kitchen to see a pan full of brown burnty shit. They boiled it on the stove until it was all burnt back on again. Why though

>>8162262

>what kind of hydration do you use, etc.?

What did he mean by this?

>>8165247
How do you tell the well raised from the not before committing to a living situation

>>8165153
>cans and bottles aren't crushed
What kind of barbarians are you?

>>8165159
Nice poem nerd.

>>8165356
Invent a story about you stealing from family, lying to your partner, abusing an animal or child, or some other shitty thing and tell it like it's hilarious. Judge them by their reaction.

>>8164168
Did you hop in bed with him on the nights he didn't bring anyone home? Sure sounds like you wanted to.

>>8164783
this would be better if you replaced "millenial" with "woman" and put it in a woman hate thread on >>>/r9k/

doesnt belong here faggot

>>8163982
You alright?

>>8165464
its an old copypasta from /x/

>>8164783
This happened today:
>Come home from work
>Open up a 4chan
>See this shit posted
>Ask my cat if he was posting stupid shit while I was at work
>He says "nope that dude is just a plain ol' faggot"
>Holy shit I have a talking cat

>>8163819
>>not too bad but current housemate is a texan fatass
>>makes frozen pizza, batter mix pancakes, mac n cheez, shitty burned eggs, and casserole walmart texmex shit
>>her casserole was frozen corn, ground beef, bag preshredded cheeze product, packet of taco seasoning, and a bag of fritos on top, baked in the oven

that's pretty normal for that part of the country anon. we dont know no better

>>8164535
this

>>8164186
Oh man I hope this shit is real. That's too good.

>>8163392
cringe

>>8165453
What is projection, Alex!

>>8162412
based

>>8164008
wasn't my pan that warped fampai, but it did happen

This happened a few years ago, and I still live with this person. Granted, they are no very creative with their cooking, and need guidance for anything that is made from scratch.

>In the beginning of living with this person my roommate wanted to help me cook.
>Okay anon, let's make something nice, a seafood soup!
>We buy all sorts of ingredients, shrimp, veggies, squid, noodles, etc.
>Start prepping things, and add them into the pot accordingly
>He decides to dump in the frozen squid before I could tell him to wait
>Didn't even thaw it and it was encapsulated in frozen squid water
>Um, shit. I hope this still turns out good.
>Soup is finally ready. Looks good, but smells pretty fishy.
>We both get a bowl and sit down
>Take a sip of the broth, taste overpoweringly fishy
>I put it down, but he insists it's not THAT bad
>He couldn't even finish his damn bowl
>We threw it out shortly after

I have a few others from him. After the first year he decided it was best to leave the cooking to me and I agreed, so now I cook 80% of our meals.

>>8162082
>Golden opportunity to leave mom's house with friend.
>Friend and I best compatible roomies.
>All is well first month, then his friends show up...
>I told them to not touch my food and that the alcohol and beer was fair game, just to appease.
>Next day house trashed and fridge/pantry raided.
> I make fuss and then made into bad guy.
>They repeated Friday, forced the ones that stayed behind to clean or report them for drug use.
>They "clean" and leave.
>Move out 3rd month cause awesome roomie can't see when he is obviously being taken advantage of.
>Move in with brother.
>We play Warcraft and go bar hopping.
Six month, only argue about being loud with women.

>>8164754
>Then I put the fucking cork back on
>Then I put on my pants
>Then I put on my shoes
>Then I opened the bedroom door
>Then I opened the house door
>Then I opened the car door
>Then I put the keys i the ignition....
.........you fucking dip, get the fuck out of here

>>8162580
>Open to let breath and smell

What?
>>8162580

>>8162082

I got one

>be living with 1 roommate in 2nd year of uni
>lets call him Ed
>wanted to make his life as "efficient" as possible
>things like only brushing his teeth when showering, not buying a bedframe only a mattress, confining himself to his one tiny room despite the fact we rent a living room too, never cleans his shit because that takes time and is therefore inefficient
>for his food he would do the weirdest shit
>he would buy california rolls from local sushi store when they are half off
> he would then take these rolls, place them in the fridge till the rice hardens and eat them like that
>he claimed that they were "easier to digest" that way
>that was his entire meal for the day, two small boxes of sushi
>his other meals would include frozen broccoli and salmon that he would boil in a huge pot and eat straight out of the pot in his room with some salt
>it would smell terrible every time

>>8167136
He had no idea what efficiency meant.

>>8167136
Why call him Ed if you never bring up his name again?

I have a feeling there's more to this "Ed" character than you're letting on.

>>8165401
Some parts of the world have automated recycling stations that scan the bottles so they know how much money you're rewarded for recycling, that might be why.

>>8162117
You are saying he fucked up packaged noodles that bad you had to hide the plate? Nah, you are a shitposter and anyone who believes you is actually retarded.

>>8164523
Right?
>lived in a dorm my freshman year of uni with a shared kitchen
>had 2 hamplanet roommates
>I only ever saw them eat Tombstone pizzas or frozen hamburger patties they pan fried in butter and ate with mayo and ~no bun cause carbs are bad~
>they never cleaned dishes, me and other roommate had had enough
>piled all their dirty frying pans, pizza pans, dishes and cups on their beds and in their hallway
>left for class
>came back to a clean dorm room
>ham planets never spoke to either of us and moved out at the end of the semester

>>8162082
Guy left his toothbtush at the sink. I pisses on it, good and proper. I hated that guy.

Subletter from Brazil who just moved to Canada, he was 18. I suspect it was his first time living on his own away from his parents.

>Puts 8 eggs + 4 large potatoes in a pot
>Turns on stove to high, goes back to his room to play WoW
>Me and another roommate making dinner in kitchen, concerned about his pot of eggs and potatoes
>He comes back an hour later to check on the pot, goes back to his room
>Returns 30 minutes later to fetch out 2 eggs and one potato into a bowl and eats that
>Leaves pot with water and 6 other eggs and 3 other potatoes
Next day
>Turns stove on again, boils for 15 minutes
>Eats 2 more eggs and potato

He repeated this for four dinners, over four days

I felt really sad for him

>>8163995

>>8167067

>>8167352
No, we're all just lazy fucks. I'm sorry to disappoint you.

>>8163258

Times like this you gotta be the agressive one. Before they can get angrily defensive you shout loud and clear that they clean up after themselves. If they dont comply, raid their room and put their greasy pots and pans in their bed. Hide ground meat and chicken breast in their room and clothes.

>>8167136
>brushing teeth while showering

What the fuck lmaoo

>spends all night taking e and blasting music
>first flatmate to complain gets a broken jaw for the trouble
>sells all sorts of drugs by having people throw stones at window and shouting what they want
>enemies break down door and smash him and house up
>police break down door and arrest him a few weeks later

It was me :( I got my shit together now though.

My roomade washed my cast iron skillet in the dishwasher

I then beat him to a bloody pulp with the remains

things i learned living with two fat chicks:

>sluts because obviously low self confidence
>joke about "packing on the pounds" without hint of shame
>refuse to try any interesting cuisine in favor for shitty international chains
>drink and drive
>cannot drink coffee or tea black, must have sugar
>believe sugar substitutes like agave or rock are intrinsically much better
>"like bland foods"
>"hate veggies LOL!!!"
>must have hedonistic value to every meal
>believe diet pills will accommodate atrocious diet
>packaged junk:produce ratio 5:1
>fall for low fat meme
>juice

>had a roommate who smelled like stale asshole
>blubbery, greasy, long hair, neckbeard, dirty glasses, sweatshirts
>living stereotype of a 4chan user
>not even a good one; uses a macbook
>can barely spend any time in the room because he has 2 classes a day, an hour each, and he's back again
>leaves his garbage everywhere in his side of the room, literally a night and day difference in hygiene within a foot span
>put air fresheners in the room
>doesn't take the hint, doesn't help at all
>open a window whenever he walks in
>doesn't take the hint, doesn't help at all
>one day walk in after class and hear him putting on the world's most fake english gentleman accent
>he's talking to what sounds like a man trying to put on a woman's voice
>he didn't seem to hear the door so I walk in and see him
>he glares at me
>tranny on the screen glares at me
>ask him directly "Hey, when is the last time you bathed?"
>he doesn't have an answer and flushes red
>tranny on the video laughs
>he files a new roommate request and moves out within a week
>leaves all of his soda in the fridge

Easiest free food of my life

>>8167713
Sounds like all Americans I have ever met, except the one guy who was a fucking beef cake. Pure adrenaline. The rest are flabby wastes.

>>8162361
>dry aging your own steak

I hope you don't get sick.

This is what my old roommate did for "dry aging". He left this steak out for almost a week. Our apartment was full of moths, flies, and more.

>>8167803
butterflies?

>>8167732
>he files a new roommate request and moves out within a week
>leaves all of his soda in the fridge

Good to see a man with his priorities in order.

>>8167851
I meant you, by the way. Probably should have included the last line as well.

>>8167817

Don't be stupid. Any reasonable entomologist knows only moths love old steak.

Butterflies... You're just fucking stupid.

>>8167803
Sounds like someone got advice on /ck/

>>8167853
Sorry daddy, spank me more

please, I am gonna cum like a bad little girl

oh god, please stop. no don't stop uggggggggggh

I had a roommate who would constantly combine shit that was supposed to be separate or toppings. Examples:

>mashed potatoes and gravy. mixed together into the same pot like some horrible cream of potato beef soup.
>any time he needed condiments he would mix them together in a bowl and store the rest in the fridge. ketchup/mustard/mayo for burgers, mayo/dressing for sandwiches, etc.
>would mix flour, eggs, and breadcrumbs to bread anything like chicken parm instead of doing it in steps. horrible sandy batter resulted
>speaking of chicken parm, he would mix the sauce and cheeses and then pour it on top
>mashed ice cream with a fork to mix syrup into it. thoroughly. no swirls allowed
>mix nacho toppings in a bowl (sour cream, guac, salsa, olives, peppers, chili, cheese, et.al.) then toss nachos in it, coating thoroughly
>mix ALL taco ingredients before filling taco shells
>combine all cheese, sauce, and pizza toppings, then spread over pizza
>break lasagna pieces into small noodles, mix with sauce/cheese/meat, bake
>all hot dog toppings had to be thoroughly combined in a bowl before adding
>mashed potatoes mixed into shepherd's pie

Sometimes he let me take my own portions before he blended everything, and it was usually pretty good. Sucked that I didn't know how to cook at all until after we moved.

>>8167862
>mix ALL taco ingredients before filling taco shells
>mashed potatoes mixed into shepherd's pie

I don't see anything wrong with either of these. It's not like the taco would taste any different.

>>8167873
It wouldn't be proportionate. Like he'd have an entire tub of sour cream and a pint of salsa and only a quarter pound of ground beef.

Plus, you know, we'd have fucking guests. And not everyone wants the same shit on their taco.

>>8167692
glad you got better anon

>>8162966
You've clearly have not had many roommates.

>>8162966
Is this from a show about three gay men?

I've never had anything that is insane, but here's one that has always pissed me off.

>fall of 2010
>about to start my second year of college
>move into house with my gf, my best friend (male) from HS (who is going to the same college as me), and another mutual female friend of ours from HS
>move into the place in September; I'm a month away from turning 19, and the gf is a few months removed from turning 18
>gf is planning to go to the university that's also in the city but defers enrolment to work for a year since her family aren't too wealthy
>had been dating her in high school so I'd been to her place; she was always pretty responsible (eldest for four kids) and relatively clean
>thought that moving in would be a breeze since I knew my best bro wouldn't be an issue, and he assured me that the other chick would be fine
>everything and everyone was fine... except for my gf
>within a month or two of moving in, she shows her real self: lazy as fuck and completely inconsiderate and entitled
>cooks eggs and doesn't clean the pan, makes cereal and the bowl sits in the sink for ages, never takes out the trash, etc.
>ask her politely to do these things
>"yeah sure, just busy, y'now?"
>"busy" means that when she's not working at the convenience store, she just comes home and smokes pot all night/day (depending on her shift) and watches shit on her laptop
>bro roommate is getting pissed, and he knows that 95% of the plates are hers
>he gets mad at her but refuses to clean her shit up since he's not going to encourage her behaviour; I completely agree with him and refuse to wash her stuff, too
>both sides of sink eventually get full - literally no clean plates left
>things are so bad that there are little brown sacs on some dishes that clearly are laid there by bugs
>zerg_must_not_colonize.bat
>she tells us that "If the mess annoys us, we should clean it up"
>my friend is livid
>gf ends up going home to visit her mom and hasn't cleaned a thing

cont.

>>8168092
Realized I fucked up the date of the last post - we moved into the place in fall of 2011, not 2010.

>she left so friend and I have no choice but to clean this shit
>the kitchen smells like the ass crack of your average Packers fan
>takes us about two hours to clean all of this shit
>like domestic abuse victims we both exclaim "Never again"
>gf comes back from visiting her mom
>within a few days it's almost back to the previous state of things
>my bro had provided about half of the dishes so he resorts to taking all of his stuff down to his room (didn't blame him at all for that)

Fortunately the lease ended in about May of 2012 and we broke up shortly after. I ended up moving into a house with total strangers who were all students. At any given point during the year there were between five and seven of us living there, and we never really had any problems. One chick was Indian and was sort of antisocial, but she wasn't too bad. Another was Indian and really messy, but at least she basically contained it to her room so no one gave a fuck; she along with her Jamaican friend did sometimes mess up the kitchen but if they were ever asked to clean it up, they were always good about it. The rest were all white from Canada (except one dude who was an exchange student from Australia) and all of them were clean and responsible as fuck.

>>8168114
Hey, at least you dodged a bullet, right?

Not that much of a 'horror story' and not my room mate but since 4chan is 90% autistic I figured most of you could relate.

This autistic guy I work with made a cheese puff sandwich this past week. When we asked him what the fuck he was doing he responded with complete seriousness...

>what else am I supposed to do with them?

>>8167656
whats wrong with that? ;_;

Me and my roommates are all "bad roommates" in different ways.
My roommates generally seem to try to make good food, and the fridge is basically entirely filled with their ingredients. They're all either kebabs or curries, so it's all stirfries and baked chicken, but they do it pretty well. Their half of the "bad roommate" is that they collectively do dishes once a week. For 60% of the week, the entire fucking kitchen is a mess of dirty pots, dirty floor, dirty woks, dirty pans, we ziplock meat bags left on the counter, etc.
Meanwhile my part of the shit is that I'm too fucking lazy or poor to keep ingredients for actual dishes, so I tend to just eat super basic combinations (bread+brie+cold cuts, simple udon with nori/hot pepper base, etc.). Where I really get bad, though, is when I run out of basic things to just slap together and eat, and have to get """creative""".
When flat broke and lazy, I often take a bowl, crack an egg into bottom, put ramen on top, pour boiling water on, then throw it in the microwave for 2m once ramen is soft. The egg soaks into the ramen and it's super filling, though pretty bad honestly. Making it super spicy makes it somehow appetizing.
I've also eaten just white rice with a fried egg thrown on top for 2 weeks+, white rice with a can of spaghetti sauce thrown in, white rice with just a shitload of hotsauce poured on it, and[spoiler] white rice with literally just canned chicken noodle soup cooked in.

>>8168140
Definitely. It's a shame though... she WAS so awesome. After we broke up she got into crack though, got clean (apparently), moved to the other side of the country, and then converted to Islam after knowing some guy (who is in his 30s) for like three months and then married him a few months later without telling her own family until after the fact. Fucking batshit insane shit, man. I'd swear on my mom's life that this is a true story, too. As you said though: bullet fucking dodged.

>>8168217
Well fuck me, forgot there weren't spoilers on this board. Don't post often and I've been drinking beer all night.
Just end me now.

>>8168227
Cook the ramen, drain it, then put the egg in and cook it on the stove or microwave until egg is cooked. It'll taste much better.

>>8164879
Out of all of the reasons to quit smoking he chose to quit because of dulled taste buds.
Why did this make me laugh so hard.

>>8167136
It's actually more efficient to have a frame to lift your bed off the floor so you can store things under there, plus your cat can hide under there when you vacuum stuff. Obviously this dude doesn't know shit though. I'm such a paragon of efficiency that at work I cook caramel in the bottom of a double boiler while melting chocolate on top.

>>8168235
I do mostly drain the ramen, just not fully (makes noodles more filling so when I'm REALLY broke one egg and one ramen is a full day's meal). When they come out of the microwave, the water's all seeped into the noodles, but thanks to the egg they don't feel overly soggy and gross.

>>8168265
Drain it into a cup and drink it separate then.

>live with two roommates
>One is trust fund student but total bro
>Other is some chick who thinks she's Gordon Ramsay and is pretentious as fuck about everything.
>Me and bro roommate always get drunk off malt liquor and natty ice on weekends
>Get high and make retarded dishes like taco mix casserole, dorrito nachos, and other various junk food replacing ingredients in recipes
>Bitch constantly complains about how uncultured and disgusting we are
>Mfw I'm a cook in a 2 Michelin star restaurant and have been for awhile
>mfw her idea of a meal is quinoa and organic vegetables that eventually become mush in her "authentic Asian stir fry."
>Mfw making serious meal at home for visiting family and she thinks a roux for bechamel sauce I'm making is some stupid stoner food
Honestly can't stand fake chefs and faggots who will knock comfort food but can't actually cook for shit.

>>8168275
There has to be something to this, as I've heard similar before. Actual cooks aren't afraid of having fun and playing around making garbage, people who are disasters in the kitchen can't stand the thought of expirementing.

>>8168285
Probably has to do to the fact that junk food concoctions are easy to make after a 50 hour week of non stop cooking, is rich in flavor, filling, and cheap.
Most chefs I know would rather eat out at fast food than work a 10-12hr shift and then go home to cook and wash dishes.

>>8163641
Top fucking kek

>>8167733
Not all Americans are like that, but it's true more often than not. One of my 2 little brothers is like that, as well as his girlfriend. He's a bit more open-minded when it comes to food than she is, but going out to eat with them can be hilarious sometimes.
>go to pretty decent Indian-Caribbean fusion place
>she asks if they have burgers or pasta
>I honestly think she's joking
>realize she's srs when she asks our server the same question
>turns out they do have a kid's menu with what is essentially curry tendies so she gets that
Still don't know how you can order off the kid's menu all the damn time wherever we go and be that large but whatever, my lil bro loves her to death.

My other lil brother and his girl are always down to try any kind of food, though. I love going out to eat with them because we always order totally different dishes and share everything. She's still a bit skeptical of some things (raw oysters, similar stuff with odd textures) but lil bro has done an excellent job with improving her tastes. They also maintain pretty healthy lifestyles like I do (alcoholism aside), so I'm not hanging out with hamplanets orbiting buffets when I'm around them which is a nice change.

More than half of my extended family (mostly on Mother's side) is obese or morbidly obese, and all of them have serious health issues as a result yet don't seem to realize why. The last time we got together with that side of the family, most of them had to stay on the ground floor of the house because they can't into stairs at all. All they ever talk about is their latest knee/hip/back surgeries, how it's not working out, they're still suffering, and we need to pray for them. I feel bad for them but I've never seen them eat something that wasn't deep-fried or coated in some form of mayonnaise, gravy, sugar, or equally nutritionally-void substances. They get confused if you eat a green vegetable without covering it in melted Velveeta.

>>8168335
Sounds like you are just jelly of your chad bro

>>8167862
Sounds more like OCD than an eating habit.

>>8162170
Same. Living with a roommate seems gay as fuck

>>8165153
Yo, those cranberry versions of ginger ale are amazing. I haven't had one in a few years. Thanks for reminder me, anon.

>>8164608
No. That doesn't explain it. What is it?

>>8168459
It honestly only is if your room mate is a shitter, like in these threads. Living with a friend and sharing rent is fucking great.

Walked out to see this one time

Don't ask, I don't know what the fuck it is either

>>8168522
Looks like bloody stool

>>8168525
My thoughts exactly

>>8168395
That "chad bro" is my little brother, and I'm pretty damn proud that he's got himself a qt3.141592653589793238462643383279 gf and I'm stoked to hang out with them soon. I'd rather eat rat shit with my brother than eat a well-marbled ribeye with your faggot ass. Love yaz.

>>8163995
Inb4 >actually just a fat sack of shit with a body pillow, grandma's basement and a life full of indignation and dreams.

>>8168530
I was just playing but you clearly have a complex about this, sorry your younger bro has done better in life than you. Keep trying m8.

>>8168544
You do have a very good point, actually. Thanks. I am going to keep trying because I never stop trying. I always win, even when I lose, because I always tell the truth, even when I lie.

>>8165153
i fucking love canada dry but as it's imported where i live, i gotta pay a fucking fuckton of € do buy it :(

>>8165159
>>8165406
i dig this

>>8168564
That's the spirit! Still, be careful, don't sperg out. I'm pretty sure that is likely. Speak to your more mature bro before doing anything drastic.

>>8165425
Fuck, this is genious dr. freud

>>8168544
j-just playing haha fagot

>>8168574
Dude, I'm a grown man with a career. It's gonna be okay. I was quoting Scarface but you may have missed the reference.

>>8167732
the redhead thing is a tranny right?

>>8165159
If you didnt bother to tell him he can have some how was he supposed to know? He was respecting your space idiot

>>8168574
Thanks, buddy.

>>8168584
lol, did you even read what was said?

>>8168585
keep living life vicariously, through your bro or movies. I did miss the quote though.

>>8162082

I used to live with this guy who would come home drunk every night and eat whatever food I had in the fridge.

To discourage him I would fap into whatever I had leftover. It didn't work, he continued to eat all my food.

So, I just resigned myself to a good fap every night before bed knowing that my roommate would devour my still warm seed in his drunken state.

>>8168598
>>8168602
kek, oh man this is awkward

>>8168581
Works like a damn charm too. I got a guy to admit he did pedo shit with his little sister once. I wasn't able to get enough proof to get him charged or anything but he did end up getting the shit beat out of him a few times by other students once word got out. Also he fried eggs in bacon grease. Dude had to go.

>roommate is making some weird Indonesian thing in a pot
>smells like a week old corpse with a dozen spices on it
>he barely nods in my direction as I enter the house, completely absorbed by the cooking
>go to my room start playing vidya
>hear him screaming "fuck this!" and loud metal noises
>rush out the room
>he's crying and washing his hands
>no pot in sight
>he grabbed the hot pot with his bare hands and threw it out of the window
We were on the third floor, he could have killed someone.

>>8168593

No.

>>8163641
10/10

>>8168609
God some adults literally cannot be left alone who the fuck picks up a hot pan with their bare hands?

>>8168457
>mixing everything
>OCD
no

>>8162082
>lazy as fuck autistic housemate
>has own dishes that we don't share
>doesn't wash dishes to the point that they grow mold and smell aweful
>I throw all his dirty dishes in the trash
>he exlusively ate mcdonalds for the rest of the year because he was too autistic to buy anything to put Hot Pockets on

>>8168506
are you retarded? google "pot noodle" or "cup ramen"

>roommate is dishwasher, always high and broke from being extorted by his hood-ass family
>claims to be allergic to tylenol, so he refuses to take any pain pills in spite of suffering migraines almost daily
>also claims to be allergic to tomatoes even though I see him eating ketchup and red sauce regulary
>get some burger king coupons in the mail with a bunch of free meals/buy one get one deals
>give them to his broke ass because you can tell by the amount of weed, water and starburst he consumes that he's coping with hunger the best he knows how
>he comes back to the house with some food, offers me some but I decline
>eyes low as fuck, eating a dollar burger
>notice him scratching
>notice weird welts breaking out all over his face, arms and neck
>hey man are you alright?
>he looks up at me and then down at his arms
>he opens the burger
>half a soggy tomato
>ah shit man i asked for no tomatoes.
>picks off the tomato and finishes his burger and takes a nap. I can hear him wheezing from the next room.
>He went through the whole week coming into work looking like a leper
>google tomato allergies
>apparently it is not uncommon to be allergic to only raw tomatoes
>never offer him aspirin ever again after that

also

>roommate buys cereal and milk
>eats a bowl of cereal and then asks me what he should do with the bowl
>just wash it out and put it on the cupboard
>stares at the bowl, and then at the sink
>rinses the bowl out and places it upside down over the drain
>eats out of it again after work
>does the same thing
>mention it to him 'why dont you put it up?'
>he tells me frankly 'I don't know how to wash a dish. I never done it before.'
>whut
>I show him how to wash and put up his bowl
>he washes and puts up his bowl ever since then

>>8163821
It's that alien oil from the X-Files. Or maybe it's the Phyrexian Oil.

>>8168459
It okay when your're young, by 30 you don't want anything living with you that you aren't fucking, and even that sucks

>>8163360
rooster sauce is so fucking good

>>8162540
Depends on how attractive they are, attractive people are cleaner in my exp.

>>8168621
He always had trouble dealing with anger, he would try to do something for the first time and get absolutely fucking mad if it didn't turn out perfectly. I always thought he had some disorder, but he never told me. He moved out after six months and I was really relieved, he wasn't a bad person but deep down I always feared he would try to kill me one day over spilled milk or some shit

Oh m8s my mates in the uni dorm were fucking reckless. Note that we're in uncivilized Mitteleuropa so we have some weird foods, you can't even imagine what happens when these foods are made by 20yo drunkards.
I have a couple of stories, here are some.
>one time I go home for the weekend, I leave my cooking stuff perfectly clean
>one of my mates is the usual /fit/ dude who eats disgusting shite 24/7
>I return after the weekend, I see my fucking mugs all over the kitchen
>wtf.iso
>I see some kind of weird mass dried in it with some fresh blight just sprouting
>turns out /fit/ guy had all his dishes dirty because he's a lazy disgusting fuck and he used my mugs to eat his retarded combo of undercooked rice and stinking omlette
Another time we had a cooking contest in the dorms backyard where we all cooked in large steel pots called bograch. I united with my roommates and retardedly I prepared to cook a boar goulash with cranberry jam and mushrooms (note: it's fucking great).
>I told them beforehand that leave the cooking to me, they can fuck off and fetch me some beer and pálinka
>of course they stayed around making their retarded comments about how there is not enough paprika and how it needs more salt
>they fetch said booze and we start drinking, they more heavily than me
>they eat the fucking cranberry jam
>they make a contest of throwing paprika in the fucking bograch
>finally, one of them manages to puke on the fire under the bograch unintentionally puking in the food too in the process
>I 360 and get the fuck out
Fucking barbarians I swear

>>8167862
I like the sound of the taco one

>>8164473
This

every. fucking. time.

>>8168275
>dorrito nachos
what exactly is this?
I've always used dorritos to make nachos, is that retarded?

>>8163827
A raccoon with Netflix

>>8163492
fatass or wimp detected, possibly both

>women like nice skin

have you ever seen a vagina?

>>8162262
> what kind of hydration do you use, etc.?
like... water...?

>>8163641
possibly the best post on this board right now

>>8163849
all liberal brainwashing it's disgusting

>>8164405
You sound like a blast at parties

>>8165153
Where are all the lids?

Not a roommate, but my sister

>laziest piece of shit in the house
>constantly takes plates of food into her room or by our computer to watch something while she eats
>is literally incapable of cleaning up after herself, will leave dishes where she ate for long periods of time
>always drinks milk and will leave cups with dried milk all over
>cups may be worse because she loves to take buttered popcorn and dip it in milk
>has to practically be forced to do dishes, as she will put it off for days at a time when it's her turn
>always makes excuses to postpone her duties, like saying she's still eating and will do it later when all she's doing is eating a fucking cookie

Really it could be worse considering the stuff I'm reading in this thread but my sister has acted like this for years and it pisses everyone off.

I basically made them move out until a friend of mine moved in to take the second floor. Hell I only called the first one Melvin (his name was Charlie, still stupid) until he left.

I locked my fridge, then the door up to the second floor with that fucker. We both had kitchens. That smelly fucker and the other one were out quick.

>>8168769
>loves to take buttered popcorn and dip it in milk

What? Why the fuck?

>>8168663
In defense of your roommate, Tylenol doesn't do shit against a migraine. Apparently, it makes them worst

>>8165356
Meet up with them for a cup of tea or coffee to discuss the arrangement.

Note how they act towards any wait or service staff.

People of decent upbringing always act impeccably towards servers.

>>8168604
carefull senpai, thats how you develop a fetish for cumming in food

>>8165284
>>8168734
>what does "what type of hydration do you use" mean
As in--does he typically use a high hydration or low hydration dough when making bread.
Retards.

>Roommates are awesome but shit tier cooks
>One roommate offers to cook us all breakfast
>always claims he can only cook breakfast
Knockyourselfout.tiff
>playing vidya when I hear my other roommate yell "Yo, did you burn something?"
>run out of my room, kitchen is a smokey mess
>"Anon! I just put butter in the pan and Foowsh!"
>canned corned beef hash burning in my new all clad pan
>It's okay! I'll clean it
>grabs pan, scrapes off corned beef and runs it under cold water

Mfw

>>8168974
No, that would be the *level* of hydration.

Asking about the *type* of hydration obviously means that he's asking if it's water, buttermilk, or something else.

Retard.

>>8168608
>not frying eggs in bacon grease

Another dorm story here

>Some guy eats pasta, gets drunk, vomits in kitchen sink
>Drunk girls walk in an hour later, see puke, perceive it to be some sort of wasted pasta dish
>Retard logic happens
>"Food fight!"
>They run down the corridor throwing vomit at each other and at people's doors
>Wake up to red vomit smeared over my door as if to prevent the Holy Spirit from killing my firstborn son

>>8162082
Not technically a roommate but here's one.

>friend living across the hall
>texts me to head over to help him with the new coffee machine his parents bought his spoiled ass
>confesses he has never made coffee before
>he has the water sitting in the pot full to the brim
>He thought the hotplate would boil the water and evaporate backwards through the machine then when all the water was gone it would refill the pot

Had to show the same guy how to properly read instruction off of a box of KD also. The guy obviously had an issue with instructions.

>>8169178
possibly illiterate?

>>8164186
>struggle socially
>not even going to dive into this
>BAKA

>>8167692
Fucking lol man if this is real, how the fuck did you think this would be a good system

Druggie: *throws rock at 3am* HEY MAN CAN I GET A DIME BAG?!

I'm surprised you stayed alive long enough to learn that these were stupid decisions. Worse than every other roomie who leaves shitty pots and pans, letting shitheads roll up at your living space like that.

>>8167713
did you fuck them at least

>>8164879
His fat ass probably started smoking to lose weight... lol

>>8168621
Drunk as fuck people cooking with cast iron. Been there, done that a few times. Sounds like the dude in the other post had some issues, but I finally had to buy a little cast iron handle cover because I'd be bullshitting with friends or family while I cooked and I'd grab it sometimes. That was when I started really cooking with cast iron, but still retarded. Drunk cooking is the best though.

>>8169116
Holy shit college girls can be stupid as fuck. Wish I fucked more while I had the chance. It was so easy back then.... But that's grody, maybe not those particular girls. Ick.

>>8167817
Butterflies would've been slightly more pleasant so they didn't get in all the food.

I saved about $500 a month living there, but for the first few months I spent extra money bug proofing my food, eating out because I couldn't cook in the filth, and buying new furniture when I did move out.

You give up after a while trying to fight the tide of 3 pigs.

>>8168663
You sound like a nice person anon.

>>8168898
well it apparently also gave him a seizure so bad he was hospitalized when he was 12. he doesnt get them so often anymore since I got him to start at least taking multivitamins and drinking water if he's going to continue to subsist off of candy and honeybuns.

>walk into bathroom
>there's piss in the toilet
>the piss is brown
>looks like someone poured a glass of tea into the bowl
>what the fuck man
>ask roommate ey is this your piss
>apologises for not flushing, he's high as fuck
>why is your piss brown man
>what do you mean
>explain that unless you are nearly dead of dehydration, liver failure or borderline diabetic, your piss should NOT look like tea
>starts drinking water, about a gallon every day
>stops eating candy
>all I ever see him eat after that is crew meal at work which is 9 times out of ten baked chicken and a starch or vegetable
>still smokes a lot of weed
>still forgets to flush piss sometimes
>piss is regular pale yellow color

it's weird how poor people are passively killing themselves totally unaware and half of them get defensive about it if it's brought to their attention. I actually really appreciate that my roommate is making efforts to improve his health without much prompting. He's a nice dude. I like the idea of him not having to deal with diabetes, kidney failure and hypertension before 25. I started showing him how to read ingredients and nutrition labels, too.

>mfw the only reason I know any of this shit is because before him, I roomed with two ocd anorexic chicks who lived off of pickles and multivitamins while I wasted on ramen and faygo

>>8169596
You're a good man, anon. I'm sure your roommate will appreciate you far into his future.

>>8163641
Haha holy shit

>>8163995
let me guess, you also had to trek 15 miles to school everyday in a blizzard uphill both ways

>>8168651
No. I need an Anon's perspective of this filth. It's more fun this way.

>>8163367
>he ate a pot
holy shit that's hardcore

>>8169596
>faygo

At least you can get faygo good luck with that shit around where i live only way to get it is the internet and shipping is crazy expensive

>>8168663
>is dishwasher
>tells me frankly 'I don't know how to wash a dish

>pick up hot pan
>it's searing my fucking hands
>hold it until first degree burns set in
>put pan down, run into other room and touch roommate's arm
>hot hands burn him a little too
>he makes pained noises before realizing my hands are fucking burnt and I haven't made a sound
>he just shakes his fucking head
I love my roomie.